I Know My Name Is Julia

Whoa.

Last night I ordered something off the Internet. Actually, Steve did, but it is a present, a very nice present, for me. Why is Steve buying me nice presents? Um, because I am so attractive? [Simpsons reference - prize offered] I don't know. My mother, in response to my girlish enthusiasm over the impending bauble, actually shrieked, "No! Put him on the phone! I need to tell him to stop rewarding your bad behavior." I told her he was busy.

This morning the e-tailer called. I had been selected for identity verification. Was I about to be the jackass who gives the con artist her social security number? Actually it was kind of cool (have you ever had that moment at the airport or wherever when the smooth mechanical voice directs you to move away from the curb and you realize that it is just like Buck Rogers?) Using your name, address and, yes, last four digits of your social security number (what do you guys do in Australia?) they create of a series of multiple choice questions. She stressed that I, and I alone, would know the answers to these questions. I got all excited and puffy because it was obviously the long awaited Wodehouse/Sayers/Trollope Double Jeopardy round and I was about to start kicking some serious ass.

Instead she told me to identify which of the following counties I have lived in:

Des Moines? No. (That was easy, particularly as she pronounced both s's and NO ONE has EVER lived in Dessss Moinesssss county. Trick question.)
Cook? (Um, yes, Chicago right?) Yes!
Pratt? (Pratt? Is that Cleveland? I don't know. Baltimore. Is Baltimore in Pratt County? No, Baltimore has a Pratt Library.) "Baltimore has a Pratt Library," I told her. She skipped that one.
Hennepin? Yep.
Washington? "Washington DC?" I asked. "No, Washington County," she replied. "Oh, DC isn't in a county," I informed her, "because it is a fucking colony."

She ignored my attempt to educate her and asked again if I have ever lived in Washington County. I didn't think so. Steve drifted by, so I asked him. He gave me a long long look before telling me, "We are in Washington County right now."

Can you fail your own identity test?