The Phantom Pregnancy

For about a week I had every pregnancy symptom known to woman. I was nauseous. I was ravenous. I knew by smell that the neighbor had removed the cap from a tube of toothpaste. I had morning insomnia and night sweats. My own special back problem flared up. I thought lovingly of eggrolls at midnight. My skin became unspeakably vile.

Under the circumstances (you know, all that sex I have been having) it could have made us go "Hmmmm" but for the fact that this week o' symptoms occurred about two seconds after ovulation. It was really rather comical. I mean, I am a sophisticated pregnancy veteran. When I say, "Honey, there are NO reliable early early pregnancy symptoms" you should just shut the fuck up and believe me. Yet I spent the past week and a half like one of those yappy young things who ask the Great Internet if they are pregnant 'cos their pants don't fit and they are, like, 3DPO. Ha ha ha. Oh, that is three days past ovulation for you Normals.

Not that I am bitter. I am not, truly. I mean if everyone was like me then there would be no more people and then my chiropractor wouldn't exist and then I couldn't have had the best first chiropractic appointment EVER this afternoon. And the dearth of people would result in an overabundance of some other species, which might be chipmunks but could be snakes. I hate snakes.

So strong were these symptoms and so weak am I that I took a pregnancy test at 7 DPO. Negative. Then I realized that I had miscounted and no one tests positive that early, so I took another one the following day. Negative. Then I was back into my old HPT-a-day habit so the following morning found me ripping open a new package with my teeth and well, you know. Negativo. So at nine days past ovulation I washed my hands of this cycle and I now await the start of a new cycle tomorrow.

OM, as we who are oh-so-calm-and-enlightened say.

I feel lucky that I am at the stage of trying to conceive, part deux, when I laugh at my own idiocy. Just check me out after two more months of this... I'll be scary.

Comments

[Julie M]

Do you have a history of getting early positives or something? I have never even heard of them that early, but I am no expert, having had only 2 positives in my life.

I am doing ok. 8w2d today. I had an u/s at 7w5d and the embryo had a hb of 158. Gest sac is still measruing too big--whatever that means. My cvs is June 24 and I'll have 1, maybe 2, u/s's before that. Feeling pukey, but that's it.

Good luck in your ttc endeavors and thanks for continuing to crack me up.

[Kerry UK]

Hi Julia,

Been there, done that SOOOO many times! Sorry if you're not successful this month but you never know, right?

All seems to be going well with me so far - now 7w6d and my scan a few days ago was fine. Amazing! Of course there's still plenty of time for things to go wrong but I'm trying to stay as positive as I can.

Hope you can join the 'pg and scared' club soon!

Kerry x

[jilbur]

hey, we're neurosis twins! How fun is that!!!!
In my case, it's all joined up with a passive-aggressive disregard for keeping track of anything about my cycle this month except when it started! didn't write down OPK test dates and results, dates of gittin' it awn, or anything, and therefore do not even know exactly how many days dpo I am ... good times, good times.

[Julia]

Okay, I'll admit that I tested at 8dpo the afternoon (ha! not even "fmu") I got back from the hospital when my best friend had her baby. It was a depression pee. And of course, negative.

But I was a good girl after that and waited until my period was late to take another.

[Melissa S]

When trying for my second, I peed on the stick while we were still having sex. Kidding...sort of.

I went insane trying for Max and I have no history of infertility and just one early miscarriage before him. I seriously lost my mind. I was almost embarassed when I turned up pregnant after I had spent the entire post ovulation period grieving my lost fertility.

God I'm a lunatic.

[bec 34]

Mother Nature is a big fat tease. As you know, the symptoms of early pg can be exactly the same as the symptoms of o or the symptoms of PMS. And, every pg is different, blah blah blah. I have imagined I'm pg quite a few times since EJ was born. Not that I'm ttc, but Mom Nature is still having fun with me: no PPAF for 13.5 months (that was kind of cool but nerve-wracking at times), then my cycles so far are a bit on the long side, but once AF shows up she REALLY shows up.

Anyhoo, we don't think you're silly for testing. Those hpts burn a hole in one's medicine cabinet after a while! Hope you have a positive one in there somewhere (I recommend Wal-Mart in Gettysburg, PA--all the hpts I bought there were BFPs). ;)

bec :D

[bec 34]

[If anyone needs a key to all my abbreviations, lemme know...I just looked back and realized I used a whole bunch.]

bec :D

[Mollie]

Good luck on this cycle. Sore boobs seriously became my nemesis after a while when we were ttc.

[Lena]

Julia,

As you already know,you are hilarious! I've been reading your entries since preconception.com when we were both trying to get pregnant four (could it be?) years ago. I never wanted to post because... well, frankly I never post. But, I just had to thank you for making me smile. Keep it up girlfriend!

~L

[Laura K.]

Apparently we're phantom symptom twins! I have been having the same thing happen - little things here and there, that nauseated "I have to eat now or I'll hurl" feeling, sore boobs, the works. Like you, though, it was entirely too early, even if I DID ovulate (which is always in question).

I got a +hpt early on w/Katie, and then this last time there was that whole disappearing 2nd line business, then a staying 2nd line a week later, then the miscarriage. I dunno...you might retest in a couple of days, maybe?

I'm sorry that you are a pregnancy veteran, only because in your case it also makes you a miscarriage veteran. That part of it blows.

Laura

[Julia S]

Julie & Kerry, I am so very glad to read your news (news-es, newsii.) Keep me posted, both of you. Julie, did you ever get any info on the gestational sac issue?

Lena, I thank you.

[Kerry]

Hello,
I accidentally ran acrossthis site while looking for pregnancy resources in Gettysburg Pa. Are you all TTCing?
Please email me at Kerraboo2@aol.com if you get a chance

[Kerry]

Oh..I forgot to add.. DH and I are trying to number 3.. 3 for me...2 for him....AF is due to show on the 7th...UGH.. We thought for sure we hit it this time..but I did a htp this morning and nope.. nada.. nothing.. UHG!..Tired of trying... Its been about 6 months..
Kerry

[Renae]

well i want a baby more than anything in the last 6 months. My partner wants us to wait another 4 years..AHHHH how do I do that if I am so obssesed with the thought. Anyway in the last 6 months I have put on 10 kilos...I think that is from waiting to be pregnant so much that I have willed myself fat.

[Jules]

Just to stuff all the early HPT theories, I tested +ve the evening of 6dpo (not even a first morning pee!) - go figure. It was one of those early pregnancy tests, rather than just the normal ones. I thought I must have got my O date wrong but the ultrasound confirmed it. I miscarried at the end of my first trimester, despite having seen the heartbeat at 6 weeks. It's been three months so here I am, back compulsive pregnancy testing again.

[Nicky]

I am in stitches, I wish I had the wit some of you have, it is so nice to read about people who are going through the same issues. A group of women like us should really get together and device a pregnancy test that is dirt cheap as I have spent sooo much on testing - sometimes I have to do one in the morning and one at night (when I feel fatter and possibly more pregnany !!) he he
thanks for the laughs :)

[sonia]

I have to say that we may get some symptoms from time to time when we are all trying so hard. There is the great possibility that the ovum is being fertilised but just not implanting for whatever reason - that will produce symptoms but ultimately is not a viable pregnancy until it is implanted, and it is so gutting when the witch arrives!! I feel I have had loads of symptoms since TTCno.2 and one was a very early M/C. With my son I don't recall any symptoms other than back ache and that was the only reason I went to the doctor - I had no idea I was 6 weeks gone. The nausea didn't really kick in until about 9 weeks and lasted until 18. So I have no reliable early signs as I get back ache anyway now!

It is a nuisance and I wish we'd all turn purple or something as a definite sign of pregnancy.

Take Care

Son xx