23 Things About Steve

I have been giving Steve a lot of rotten press lately and I feel sort of bad about that. Not that I didn't warn him that the Internet would have to be told of his nefarious post-miscarriage conduct, I did. He said he was willing to live with that consequence. Then, when he asked me to fix his computer after Hoovers crashed on him six times in succession, he refused to believe me when I explained that the Internet was pissed at him - what did he expect?

My miscarriages don't bother Steve the way they bother me. Hell, they don't even bother him the way they bother YOU. He is disappointed by a loss, as I am disappointed by a bottle of wine that should be good but isn't. The best I can figure, five years ago we found out that I would miscarry a lot and he accepted that as fact. He preaches caution in the face of pregnancy and sighs when I start pulling out the Celtic name books. We handle it differently. I handle it BETTER, of course, but that is ok.

Anyway, I think I successfully covered his flaws. Now, without further ado, I present twenty-three little things about Steve:

#1. He makes me laugh.

We went out to dinner with our new neighbors last winter and they explained that they had met when the husband was working on a Navy medical ship jointly run by the US and Australia. "One of the few times our nations have been at peace," Steve gravely observed.

Just before I delivered Patrick there was suddenly a long lull between contractions. The nurse had brought in another nurse and the OB had said, "This is it! The next one is the baby!" and I got ready to push again and... nothing. The pause went on and on and I started to feel embarrassed because this was an enormous moment, fraught with drama - LIFE! - and my timing was off.

"Say something," I tittered nervously to Steve.
"I want you to know this doesn't change anything; I'm still leaving you," he instantly replied.

Good grief it was funny, you should have seen their faces.

#2. He is the most generous person I have ever met. Steve will always pick up a check, make a donation, cover the difference, treat, pay-by-stealth or just give give give.

#3 He is positively tone-deaf but it doesn't stop him from singing anyway. The house rings with great Steve originals like, "Let's Go Change Your Diaper," "Good Morning Patrick," and "O My Darwin."

#4 He can fix anything. Seriously, he installs washing machines, rewires lamps and glues tiny fragments together like St. Francis of Home Depot.

#5 He can build anything. Someone asked if I had gotten anything sparkly lately and the answer is, sort of. There used to be a fireplace (gas) at the end of the kitchen and I hated it. As of two nights ago there is now an enormous window and window seat in its place. I'll put up a picture when he gets the rest of the cherry to trim it.

#6 He loves to surprise me: "Good Lord! What happened to the fireplace!"

#7 He drove me to and from work every day for two years, just because.

#8 He takes care of Patrick for two to three hours every morning, letting me sleep until nine. And then, when they do wake me up, he always brings me a cup of hot tea.

#9 He sewed my wedding veil.

#10 He and I can communicate almost entirely in Simpsons' quotes.

#11 He is a great father and he is madly, passionately in love with Patrick. They have elaborate silly games they play and when I try to join in Patrick coolly says, "Mama go away." You would think that this rejection would be hurtful but actually it is delightful. I am thrilled that they adore each other.

#12 He loves my mother and hopes that she will live with us one day (and when I say this state isn't big enough for the both of us he says that he'll have to think about that one.) When he ordered the fixtures for the new guest bath he insisted that I call her to ascertain whether she prefers the straight-back or sloping tub.

#13 He frequently tells people that I am smarter than he is, even though this may and or may not be true.

#14 He paid off all of my student loans for my 28th birthday AND got me a present that I could open.

#15 He has never laughed at my filing systems. I am a tremendously, a frighteningly, a POWERFULLY organized person. This is because I am bone-lazy and it just seems easiest to me to neatly organize outgoing mail in a toast rack by bill due date next to my computer. I plan menus for the week because then I only have to think about it once and I paste recipes by food type (Entree - Seafood, Composed Salads, Breakfast - Company) into a divided binder because when I go to plan my weekly menu I want to just flip flip flip and be done. I have all of the bookshelves arranged by genre and alphabetized by author and then title because I want to read that Kate Chopin short story NOW, damn it. In one minute I can lay my hands on any receipt or medical record or electronics warranty card from the past six years. SOME people have made fun of me for this, but not Steve. He thinks I am cute. He also likes it when the IRS says we owe an extra $34K and I respectfully show them our meticulous records and tell them to cram it in their Old Glory.

#16 He did not kiss me on our first four dates. On the fifth I specifically suggested renting a movie steeped in graphic violence so I could press my face against his shoulder and shudder. Nothing. Half-way through the movie I knocked him over and started kissing him. Five minutes later we were completely undressed and in the bedroom. By morning I decided I was moving in. And I did.

#17 He proposed after a frisbee tournament in Boulder, Colorado. He was smudged with dirt and he smelled like ripe goat. It was a Sunday afternoon and we had stopped in a dark little bar for hamburgers with my brother, Steve's friend JJ, JJ's wife, their 8 year-old daughter and her 8 year-old friend. The young ladies and I were playing Hangman on a cocktail napkin when Steve asked me to do him the honor of becoming his wife. We all goggled. My brother ordered champagne and the waitress looked behind her at the row of Miller taps and dusty DeKuyper bottles, "I don't know if we have champagne..." she said doubtfully.

#18 He agreed to start IVF this Fall with such alacrity that I was afraid he did not understand that it can be a process. "You'll have to give me shots," I started. "Oh I can TOTALLY give you shots! NO problem! I am ALL OVER THAT!" he enthused. Scary.

#19 He calls me Sweetie, Sweetheart, Honey, Darling, Sweetie Pie, and My Wife. He never calls me Jules.

#20 He once told me that I would not have insomnia if I just fell asleep sooner.

#21 He has a great speaking voice.

#22 He agreed to go look at a litter of Ragdoll kittens one night because I had told him they were interesting cats and the place was on our way home. We played with the kittens for a while and then I stood up to go back to the car. Which is when I noticed that he was cradling the runt of the litter in his hands and rubbing noses with it. "I'm not leaving him here," he hissed at me, covering the cat's ears. "What?" I said. "I. AM. NOT. LEAVING. HIM. HERE." So, that's Kelvin. Partly blind, electric cord obsessed, $1500 abdominal surgery having Kelvin.

#23 He makes me laugh. I mean, really, and that is so important I think it has to count twice.

Comments

[Julianna]

Okay. He sounds better now. LOL

[patricia]

Laughter counts three times I think. It's great to write down the good things because, in the darkness of it all, it does get hard to remember.

[Maria]

Sweet. Thank you for writing this. He definitely seems like his good points outnumber his flaws :) I like him.

[Emily]

That was sweet :) A man who can fix anything rocks! My FIL is like that...I lurve when he comes to visit because he likes to do projects.

[Terri]

Number one on my list too, my husband makes me life. It's his profession and his greatest joy. He told someone in front of me the other day that my laugh is like water lapping gently over the stones in a brook - oh something he meant but was so corny it made me laugh. We do entire scenes from Seinfeld episodes. We also do all the lines from Jaws ("This is no boating accident!" Richard Dreyfuss at the autopsy and on the dock a guy says, "A Whhhhhhaaaaaaa?" After hearing the shock they've caught is a Tiger shark. We also do Young Frankenstein and What about Bob. He brings me a double latte in bed every morning with toast, cereal or oatmeal, possibly an egg. He tells me how great I am at my job even when he's struggled with unemployment for two years.

He calls me Muggie with an "ie" I call him Muggy with a "y". We don't know where that came from or how it started. People think it's very weird and often stop us and say "What did you call her or him?" "Bug?" or "Mug?" "What does it mean?"
"Sorry, we don't know."
He calls at work and says "I'm just checking in, are you okay?"

We have four dogs, all rescued, all trained and feed and doctored by him. He knows that someday, possibly real soon, we'll be raising my 7 and 10 year old nephew and niece and he doesn't blink an eye at how it's going to change our life, how much responsibility it's going to be and how much less money we're going to have from the money we already don't have.

He is my friend. Without a doubt. I only thought I'd ever have a girlfriend with the kind of intimacy I have with him. We'll be married 7 years on November 1 and I think we're in for the long hall. Sounds like you are too. I think the laughing can count for up to 50%. It's the medicine for unhealhty marriages or stressful times. PS He just said, "Muggie? I love you very much. I didn't tell you enough today!" Awwwwww.....

[lizardek]

That was lovely. You're lovely. Your husband is lovely. Your son is lovely. Your writing, too. Thank you.

[Sherry]

I think I, too, am in love with your husband. He sounds fab! I also think that being funny deserves as many entries as necessary.

[Laura K.]

That's so sweet! I think the most surprising one was the one about him sewing your veil.

Steve sounds like a wonderful guy, genetic freakishness and all. :)

I hope you showed him this post...

Laura

[Tracy]

All right, I forgive him. :-)

Earlier, much earlier, I was reading about all your losses and wondering how you cope, and I decided that if I were in your shoes, I would have to try to consider a positive pregnancy test to be about equal to a positive ovulation test. Could be something good, but way too early to tell. Maybe that's how Steve looks at it, too.

[Liz]

Ah, Julia! I have so much enjoyed your last three posts, and finally have some time to write a comment. Brace yourself, a late night glass of shiraz is in hand!!

I loved your descriptions of Patrick and Steve – it’s great to be able to form a better picture of the dramatis personae. Patrick sounds utterly adorable. I am particularly amused by his ability to throw a careful tantrum, something I would previously have regarded as a contradiction in terms. As you know, I have an inexhaustible appetite for chatting about kids, so would always love to read more about him.

As for Steve, he sounds positively delicious. I must confess, however, that reading your description reminded me of one of my favourite scenes from ‘Sex in the City’. I don’t know whether you ever saw an episode in which Charlotte brings a new man back to the enormous NY apartment she has acquired as a result of her divorce. On walking in the door, her previously lustful and charming bloke becomes incapable of carrying on a coherent conversation (let alone anything more creative), as he is so distracted by the scale of wealth indicated by the size of her home. The poor man wanders around muttering: “Oh my God – it’s so big!”, and ultimately flees in a state of complete intimidation. I love the scene because this is also a very 'Sydney' experience. But in reading about Steve I found myself distracted by unselfconsciously mentioned details – X-Boxes via courier…student loan repayments…*guest* bathrooms!! If you ever do make that trip to Australia, I will have to go into hiding. Cool??? I’m afraid you would find me hopelessly bourgeois.

Speaking of trips to the Southern Hemisphere, I wanted to add that New Zealand is FABULOUS. I know just what you mean about Lord of the Rings. Having spent a fair bit of time in NZ, I felt quite choked up at the beauty of some scenes in the trilogy – the part in Return of the King in which beacons are lit on mountain tops brought tears to my eyes. The western part of the South Island, in particular, is gobsmackingly beautiful. I am tempted to rave on with suggested trip highlights, but will restrain myself. Just make sure you give plenty of notice if your journey South ever eventuates!

Also wanted to add that I share your enthusiasm for Bill Bryson - although for some reason I’ve been too nervous to read his descriptions of my homeland! I was amused by his comments about Australia’s dangerous wildlife. It’s weird – growing up here you become quite blasé about being surrounded by venemous snakes and spiders, and feel nonplussed when visitors are anxious about them (which they often are). I thought of this the other day, when the boys and I were playing in a friend’s sandpit with her children. “Is that a redback spider, by any chance?” I calmly asked my friend, pointing to an insect that was crawling near the children’s feet. “Oh yes,” she replied, lackadaisically squashing it. By contrast, when travelling in NZ, Russell and I couldn’t fully adjust to the knowledge that there were absolutely NO poisonous snakes in that country. We felt compelled to jump into every patch of tall grass we came across, with a sense of gleeful amazement at being able to act in this way without fearing for our lives!

Ah well, the shiraz has run dry, so you are spared any more ravings. Love to you and your lads.

[Julie]

Okay, all these women are now in love with Steve. But I, I am now more in love with you than ever before (which is really saying something). Be my sister in menu planning! Let us share our computer templates for grocery lists!

[Judy]

Sounds like you found yourself a wonderful man. I'm looking forward to seeing the picture of the fireplace. And, when you start another answering questions post, I need more details on the recipe organizing. I have piles of internet printed and magazine torn pages with no idea how to find any of them when I need them! Judy

[Emily Drew]

Julia:

I look towards your blog as an inspiration. I have not gone what you go through, but you still manage to put things into perspective for me so many times. And, you just did it again. Sigh, husbands.

Thank you,

Emily Drew

[Karla]

Sniff Sniff! You had me at "he sewed my wedding veil". What a wonderful, wonderful man. Its so easy to get caught up in our husbands faults and temporarily lose sight of what made us fall in love in the first place. You have inspired me to make a list of 20 things about my hubby,on second thought, seeing as he is being a pig lately,I think maybe I will make it 35. Thanks Julia

[bec 34]

Gotta butt in here--Terri, my husband and I will be married 7 years on Nov. 2! Small world, eh?

Julia, you beat me to it. I have had an entry on my to-do list for weeks now that says "Paul list," which is supposed to be a list just like yours. I was inspired when an unmarried girlfriend asked me how I knew I wanted to be with him forever, and I started listing things. I also complain about him way more than I sing his praises, and this needs to change. Good for you! And Steve!

bec :D

[wix]

this is great! i take back my offer to give steve a pie in the face (but i'm still gunning for that @#$! nurse).

[Melissa S]

I really needed this today. Thanks.

(Uhm....not because I really needed to fall in love with Steve....I just needed to remember what it is I love about my maritally challenged spouse.)

[Judy]

I'm suitably impressed. He surprized you with a new window and window box, now that's a gift.

Oh, and I think you showed considerable restraint in waiting until the 5th date.

[AmyinMotown]

What a great post. It made me think of what I would say about my husband. And really, being married to someone who makes you laugh is so important. The two major reasons Paul was IT are that we have a good time together and that he has never once made me sad. Blindingly pissed off, infuriated and questioning my vow to live with someone so hopelessly mentally challenged, yes, but never that kind of sad that comes when you realize you and your loved one are a million miles apart and there's no way to come closer.

[Jess]

Love, love, love you and your delicious husband. Such a beautiful post!!

[bluepoppy]

Oh it's a LOVE FEST!!! This is so wonderful! You must print it out and give it to him--this is what it's all about, baby.

[journeywoman]

Thanks for posting this!

Especially because I'm having one of those - G-d why can't I just kill my husband and be done with it days.

[Carrie Jo]

Thank you so much for sharing that! I think everyone should write what they love about their spouses once in awhile. In fact I might do just that in my own next post.

[samantha]

Steve sounds wonderful and thank you for redeeming him in my mind's eye! I love men who are generous and funny - there is nothing better, in my opinion, than laughing with the love of your life.

[Abby]

Julia-I loved your post. It's one of the nicest things that I've read in a while (and the sending the xbox was wonderful of him).
But it's reminded me that I've thought about doing a scrapbook page of reasons why I love my husband, and darn it, maybe I shoud just get to it! (Together 20 yrs, married 15+). Thanks for the inspiration!

[Melinda]

You gave me the warm fuzzies today! What a lovely post.

[KatS]

I love it. He sounds perfect for you!

[Jessica]

Your whole list is impressiv, but when I read that he couldn't leave the lil' old kitten behind I said to myself "yup, the man's a KEEPER".

[Libby]

That was lovely Julia. You sure are a lucky girl. "He makes me laugh" is also number one in my list. That sure goes a long way.

You mentioned that Seve never calls you Jules. Do you not like to be called that? I love Jules, but I will stop calling you that if you hate it.

Anyway, you forgot to say that Steve is really handsome!

[Jenni]

Julia!

What a wonderful post, and even though you sometimes complain about him I think we all realised he'd have to be a pretty special guy if he has YOU! Let's see some pictures of that wedding veil and that new window.

JenniF

[jenni]

Steve sounds sweet. It made me think of why I love my husband. Sometimes it's hard to see in the midst of the chaos that is our life. Last night I was sitting on the couch and realized he was rubbing his foot over mine. I usually can't feel my feet so when someone touches them it takes a minute to realize they are there! Damn pregnancy weight! ; ) I think if everyone sat down and think of the good things in their marriage like you did it would help the divorce rate go down. So often do we look at the negative and let it seep into our marriage without even realizing it!

[Monica C.]

You forgot to say that he is a real cutie pie. Oh, I've seen him on the 'ole website and he is easy on the eyes, that Steve. Seems like you *both* got a good deal on the old marriage front, and Patrick hit the jackpot by having two great parents!

[Holly]

God Bless you for writing that. I was laughing my ass off half the time and so grateful that you wrote that wonderful tribute to your man. I mean, we all can say (truthful) things about our husbands that make others think each is a total ass. It is good to hear the good stuff too.

Glad to hear you sounding so well. Praying for you and your hopefully-expanding-soon family.

[Mollie]

Why am I crying?

I think I can smile when I meet Steve.

[Tonya]

I'm not sure why, but this just made me love you more. (How is that possible?)

[Toni]

Sounds like my Steve...but I like the handy-ness of your Steve...could I trade you Steves for a couple of days???

[Karen]

He freakin' SEWED YOUR WEDDING VEIL??? I mean, DAMN. That even beats buying tampons and Midol.

Cling to him like Grim Death, woman.

[lex]

Ok.. it's really too bad that I'm married, and you're married and we're not lesbians - because for #15 I would SO marry you! lol! Man, I wish I was more like that.

Sounds like you both are lucky to have each other. :)

[Vaughn]

I'm glad you wrote about Steve because I'm only a recent convert to your blog and I was really like "what is HIS problem?"

But after that delicious description I realize he is much like my husband, flawed in ways that won't change (not that I'm perfect either, but it's a good illusion), but absolutely fantabulous in some many ways.

My favorite line is that you can "communicate entirely in Simpson's quotes," we do they same except for us its Monty Python.

[Sheena]

This post was wonderful, Julia. I have been going through ur archives since yesterday and I am in love with your writing!

Steve sounds wonderful and I hope some day to have a kid just like Packy. Now for me to try and make my own "love him cause..." list. Thats gonna be difficult.

Love to ur boys and you!

[Lauren]

I want to hear more of Steve's witicisms.....and he plays frisbee. I always liked him a little, now I like him more.

[B]

Oh man, I feel like a schmuck for thinking Steve was an asshat/fucktard (thanks for those words, Getupgrrl). But, he does sound like my husband in many ways and yes - my hubby does some incredibly insensitive stuffs and some absolutely unbelievably wonderful stuffs. I'll never forget him lying at my feet in the middle of the night while I sat in the glider breastfeeding our newborn son. I asked him why he was lying there and he said - In case you need anything. Now I'm crying rembering that...

I must have missed it, what does Steve do for a living that he can let you sleep in until 9? Lucky you (and Steve for that matter).

B

[Elizabeth]

I heart your entire family.

Thank you for writing this. It was a real tribute.

[Milenka]

Awww. I loved reading this list. It inspires me to make a nice little Word document of the things I love about Lucas for the next time he upsets me! :-)

[Simone]

Yeah, but what's he like in the sack?
......you don't have to entertain me with an answer....really....Steve sounds F-I-N-E to me! I'm glad you see so many lovely, individual things in your Husband.

[Queenie]

I think we're married to the same man--my husband also makes me laugh a hundred times a day (including the night I found out my mother had Alzheimer's), can fix anything I break, and never, ever calls me Jules. Yeuch!

--Queenie
http://rotten-eggs.blogspot.com