Speechify Is Really A Word

I am always interested in what you guys notice in a post, particularly in the posts that ramble across a broad area. The thing about Patrick yesterday prompted a couple of different responses (yes, Shelley, the story about Bear is 100% true and if it weren't for the fact that he is napping right now with the boy I would take a picture of him so you could see how loved he looks.)

I read what you have to say with great interest and I frequently act upon things that sound bloody sensible. The comments that galvanized me (not to be confused with the drunken galvanizing that Melissa is always getting up to) into action this morning concerned Patrick's speech habits. Last night I got an email from a speech therapist who very gently asserted that what I described of Patrick's language was "atypical." Now, no one wants to hear their child described as "atypical" unless maybe it is in the course of a presentation in which an esteemed Swede notes how atypical it is to present the Nobel Prize to someone so young. However, after the sinking sensation, I felt a surge of relief. I am essentially a woman of action and it is not like me to dawdle over something. When I do hem and haw it is because I am afraid and sometimes it is nice to be forced to assess just what I am afraid of and what can be done about it.

So, in light of the email and a few comments that touched on the speech issue as well, I asked myself why I was putting off an evaluation. Was I afraid that they would determine that Patrick is fine and the evaluation was a waste of time, or was I afraid that they will say that he could use some therapy? I realized that I find it highly unlikely that any expert confronted with Patrick's "Oh Dada upuh haha" would laugh and say, "Why, the child wants to get up on his father's shoulders! Perfectly normal!" So, what kind of jerk doesn't get cracking when her little muffin needs some help?

Not me. I'm not that kind of jerk. I am a different kind of jerk altogether.

Therefore I called the Early Intervention Network for our county this morning and left a beautifully modulated, perfectly articulated message asking that they return the call to arrange a speech evaluation for Finky.

Thanks, pumpkins, for mentioning it.

There were a few leftover questions that I didn't get the chance to answer from earlier this week. I thought that was sort of fun (not to mention easy), so I will polish those off tomorrow. If you have anything else you want to ask, now is the time.

Comments

[Gretchen]

Yeah, why do I keep thinking that today is Friday? Then I realize my error and get depressed thinking about another workday before the weekend. Sigh...

(I loved reading about Patrick!)

[ECM]

Way to go, Mama Bear. I know that the things I am/was insecure about in myself are the things I least want to acknowledge in my daughter. It seems like maybe if I ignore it it will go away before she notices, and no one else will notice, and then she'll never know she sings off key (a sore spot for me, the only kid in 4th grade that was specifically not allowed to sing in chorus, and left in an empty classroom once a week while the rest of the class trotted off to tra la la their little asses off (can you imagine the ass kicking that teacher would get in today?)). Annnnyway, I said all that just to say that Patrick has a good mommy, and it's great that you are looking out for him.

For Q&A- what's the thing that people have said after your pregnancy losses that actually helped? That actually wasn't stupid and made you feel better not worse?

Liz

[Kim]

Okay, I was going to say something about the speech thing but I have stopped diagnosing other people's children without their consent. I'm sure you know that we have had more than our share of speech issues. There were some bells going off when I read your description of Packy's speech quirks but I thought it best to just leave well enough alone. Having said all that, I am so glad you called EI. At least there will no harm done if there is no need for therapy. And look at the bright side, if he doesn't meet the 25% delay they normally use to guage eligibility, at least you could afford to do private therapy if you felt compelled. I loved your description of the beautiful relationship you and Steve have with Patrick.

[Naomi]

Here's my question: is Marxist Playgroup your term for ECFE? You mention that you live in Minnesota. I also live in Minnesota (in South Minneapolis) and used to go to ECFE weekly with my daughter. I always struggle with what to call it to friends from out of state, and haven't come up with anything to call it that doesn't require some additional explanation.

[Kira]

I'm NOT questioning your choice to have Patrick evaluated. Sounds like good sense to me. BUT I just wanted to tell you about my oldest son's speech development quirk.
There he was, brilliant and wonderful and so very lovely that I couldn't understand why people walking down the street didn't burst into tears at the sight of him. Oh. Lovely boy child. But he was two years and THREE MONTHS old and all he would say was "Mama" and "Daddy" and if you showed him a picture of a cow he would respond, "Moo."
I was quietly panicking.
Then one day we were in a furniture store, and he was trying out the child sized rockers. He sat and rocked in each of the nine chairs, then walked over to me (puzzling over tables) and slipped his hand in mine. I looked down and he said, "Mama, I like those nice chairs."
And ohhhh, I did too.

[Amy in Motown]

Hmmmm....questions questions....

Do you write and rewrite your blog posts or do they just come out sounding crisp and witty?

Your opinions on an occasional (like once every couple of weeks or so) glass of wine in late pregnancy?

Why did you hate Chicago? (understand I am from Detroit and we aspire to Chicagolike status)

[B]

Good for you! I get defensive if someone calls my kid bald. I can't imagine if they suggested that there was something less than perfect about my perfect child. Hopefully my ability to reason would kick in, or at least I'd say, "What would Julia do?"

B

[Judy]

Any chance you'll occasionally post good books to read? You seem to be more well read then anyone I know. I'm almost always at a loss on what to read next, and so much out there is crap.

Funny speech therapy short:
When I was little I needed to have the underside of my toung cut. It was too tight, and I couldn't get it far enough out of my mouth to make 's' sounds. So, I got my toung cut, and sure enough all my speech issues cleared up. Pre-surgery my best friend had taken to imitating my speech (lazy 's' sound), but post-surgery her speech did not clear up along with mine so she needed to go for speech therapy.

[Danielle]

Hi Julia!

No matter what you do, children will always manage to find a sore spot, disability or not. In grade six, my hair started to curl and one day, while lining up after recess one bully asked me out loud for everyone to hear: "What shampoo do you use to get your hair like that? Quaker State?" My instant comeback was: "What do you eat to be fat like that? Quaker State?" As you can imagine, I was toast.

Anyway, I am not questioning your move because a Mom does what a Mom has to do but Moms do tend to overstress. In the end, things are going to be what they're going to be.

Danielle

[bunny]

My son was three years old before he said much more than two or three words...he is presently at the Air Force Academy.

I wouldn't worry.

[Kate]

Julia,
De-lurking to say I've been following your blog since the IParenting days and loved the most recent Patrick stories. I was wondering...if Patrick gets his own entry, are we going to be lucky enough to get one about your husband as well? I'd love to know more about him and your relationship other than bits and pieces.
Kate

[Ninotchka]

Julia: Yet more proof that you are Cool with a capital C. Way to accept and act upon advice about and for the benefit of your child. I could write you a book about how many parents I know have fallen short of that. Lord!

As for questions: Why do bad things happen to good people? (recognize that?)

LOL

[Terri]

My son, now 29, was hardly understandable until he was four. I panicked and took him, not only to several speech therapists, but for special (and expensive) testing at UCLA. At one point I was told he might never add two numbers together. HUH? By first grade he'd completely outgrown the "problem". No speech therapy needed. I'm happy to report he has a career is successful, happy and has no speech problems. Okay, he needed braces, but that's it. My other son, he talked "early" and ended up in speech therapy in second and third grade. (He went out on his 18th birthday a had he tongue pierced - fortunately didn't keep it that way - but after I paid for two years of speech therapy he was talking with a lisp at 18 with a pierced tongue!) Go figure. All I'm saying is, relax. Leave the poor guy alone. If, by five, there's a problem - then look into it. In the meantime, talk to your pediatrician. And please, relax. Really. I can't tell you how freaked out I was. People had me freaked out. I believed them and put my child through unnecessary testing and myself through - it took a couple of years off my life with worry that I'd like to have back now! BTW, when I was pregnant my doctor TOLD me, prescribed me, to drink a glass of wine a night. Of course, malpractice insurance wasn't what it is today. Too bad. At least we could use a little common sense. Fortunately, you have it. And, from what I've read, use it. Bravo. And Patrick? He sounds perfect if you ask me. Speech and all. I put my money on everything is fine. I'll keep checking in the next few years to be sure.

[Kara]

Hi Julia: Just another little "speech note" for you to read--no advice, just my story. My son, Thomas, who is very close to Patrick in age at 27 months, said zippo until after his 2nd birthday. He said some animal sounds, that was it. No mommy, mama, daddy, daddo, "Hey you dirtbag" (we would have gladly responded to same), nothing. He gestured and pointed a lot and said a lot of gibberish that we didn't understand. He seemed to understand everything HE was saying and also seemed to understand everything WE told him. He would also get very frustrated when we wouldn't understand his wants. He is the king of the tantrums but never at his own expense (loved the parallel to the floor test by Patrick--after recently moving to a new house with very very hard Mexican tile, Tommy gave the floor a light little tap with his head before deciding if he was going to go into bang mode--needless to say, headbanging has not been a problem since we moved). I started getting him evaluated by speech therapists at 15 months. I was totally freaked out. He didn't qualify for EI at 18 months b/c he was ahead receptively, only behind expressively. Speech therapist wanted to retest him at 22 months--I never went for the retest--I'm pregnant, big as a house, we were moving, too much crap going on. I did, however, get his hearing tested (normal) and he has never had ear infection/fluid issues. Maybe one ear infection in his entire life. Shortly after we moved, at 25 months, he began talking in English. Tons of words, word combos, verbs, pronouns. He is still sometimes difficult to understand but he has made so much progress in 2 months I don't even know where to begin. I say he began talking in English because my husband and I have since realized that he had a number of "words" for things that were completely made up that we simply did not understand. It seems he had at least parts of his own little language. His favorite stuffed animal, a cow we call Moo Moo, has an alternate name in Tommy-speak called "Musheedough", for whatever reason. All blankets are "pati"s. There are many other words that we are just starting to understand. In Tommy-speak he also asks questions by adding the word "dough" on to simple nouns. For example, "Daddy-dough?" is "Where is Daddy?" Don't ask me why. But he's an awesome, sweet kid, and if he needs speech therapy in the future, then so be it, but for now he's making visible progress and I'm happy. For the first time in a year, I am not worried about his speech.
Good luck with Patrick, he sounds adorable. And keep us updated on his eval. Some speech therapists are just dying to diagnose major problems in "atypical" children, and the first thing I learned when seeking help for Tommy was that speech therapists are not qualified to "diagnose" anything. I met a couple of speech therapists who were throwing the autism label (or PPD) at anything that moved funny. Patrick sounds like a brilliant little boy. If you are as into reading as it sounds like you are, you might want to read "The Einstein Syndrome: Bright Children Who Talk Late" by Thomas Sowell, who also wrote "Late-Talking Children". Both excellent books that probably describe a small minority of late talkers, but probably worth your while to read anyway.

[shannon]

Oh good. I'm glad about the speech thing. My godson was nearly 3 before all of his words weren't "ba" and that was only after months of pleading with his mother for speech therapy, which she AND her father had needed as children. I guess it scares lots of people for some reason.
He was so relieved that he could finally make everyone understand him (I mean, WE knew our own "ba" from everybody and everything elses's "ba" but no one else did). He directly commenced nonstop, highly complicated speechifying. Smart, smart kid. Lots to say!

[persephone]

Julia, just so you're prepared, there are at least two things that might happen besides Patrick qualifying or not qualifying for speech therapy.

The first is that he might have a delay that would qualify for therapy in a year or so, but not now (as Kara reports). Whether that's because it's harder to work with a child so young, or because they want to see if he grows out of it on his own, or because they have arbitrary cutoffs - anyway. This might be a relief to you, or it might be annoying.

The other is that the parent of any child who qualifies for EI is also entitled to therapy. The psychological kind. I didn't want you to be taken aback by this if they offer it to you - it's not because of anything they've concluded about you, it's just standard.

Also I forgot to observe that Patrick sounds extremely bright and immeasurably lovable. I'm glad all the years of heartache have yielded something this wonderful. And I love seeing your fighting spirit in action, whether it comes out to battlle trolls or to get what's best for your son.

[e]

I'm have to chuckle at my first response to all of this, because generally I HATE hearing this from people. I was going to say trust your instincts because you know Patrick the best. But I also feel like "trust your instincts" can be a line of bull. I mean YES our mothering instinct is there to grab them as they crawl into the street and has us soothing their fevers, but I don't have any hardwired instinct popping up telling me which SCHOOL is best for me kids to go to! So the instinct thing, well maybe that isn't the answer. I can say though that Patrick is young, he likely will outgrow this, and if he is anything like my kids he won't STOP talking once he starts ;-) BUT having an evaluation can't hurt and it might help, so why the heck not, yk? Keep us posted on what you find out....

[Shelly]

I refused speech for my 15yr old when he was in elementary. He is fine. Sometimes a bit hard to understand, but he is a teen, what does one expect?!
Sean is in speech because of his birth defects and he does have expressive/receptive language disorder. I really jumped the gun with Daniel. He wasn't speaking and he was 3. He understood what we were saying, he just didn't talk. He screamed and still does if he is frustrated. He did qualify for speech because his hearing was on the low side so he does go, but he started speaking in full on sentences two weeks before speech therapy started. Peter started talking at 6mos and hasn't stopped. He is easy to understand and is well ahead is brothers in their speech currently! Go figure!

Don't worry so much yet. People get so worried what their child can and can not do. Some children just do things differently than others and THAT IS OKAY!

[Ashley]

Could you please post your weekly dinner menu with every Monday post? My jaw is still in the drop position from your previous menu description.

And the tacky question that you can skip if it's too personal... In my mind your husband is a consultant of some sort, but I can't put my finger on what type. Could you unveil what it is that your husband does? I'm stumped.

[Liz]

Adding to Ashley's post, if you post your weekly dinner menu, will you also post recipes??

[Kristina]

I just read your other entry and I wanted to say, hey, I live in Forest Park, Illinois! I'm in Oak Park every single day. It's pretty cool when I read about somewhere I know.

[Lauren]

I don't remember much. My son will be twelve soon and I'm S-I-Fillous. What I do remember is worrying about speech. Popo-addive, that was ice cream, and he wanted it in the reb-boo-yeddobow. Looking back, I can understand that ice cream always came in the same plastic bowls in our house, red, blue or yellow. So he put them all together and called it reb-boo-yeddobow but I'll never understand popo-addive.
These days I just have to keep telling myself that no one goes to college wearing velcro shoes.

[melissa]

Hi Julia,
Just delurking to say how much I enjoy your writing. What a beautiful description of your life with Patrick. And I'd like to chime in with the crowd requesting dinner menus and recipes. Yum!!

[Naomi]

Okay, I want to de-lurk again to disagree with the people saying "just relax and forget about the speech therapist." Or rather, I want to half disagree with them. Don't worry, but DO follow up with EI. Relax, but DO follow up with EI. I have a ton of friends who have gotten EI evals of their kids, and there really is no downside to it. It's free, they come to you, the therapists are really good at making it fun for the kids. My next-door neighbor apparently did not say a word until she was over FIVE -- her mother had concluded that there was something really, really wrong, but had not pursued a diagnosis because at the time (the late 1960s, I think) a diagnosis meant that your child would be tossed into the trash heap that was "Special Ed" at the time, rather than given help to catch up. My neighbor did start talking, and is now in fact a professional speech therapist. And these days, an evaluation means that your child can get help if they need it, or you can get reassured if they don't need it. Relax and don't worry, because either it will be fine, or he will get some help and that will also be fine. He's clearly a brilliant and outstandingly cool little boy, either way.

[Donna Johnson-Uzoigwe]

Hi Julia,
My name is Donna, and I am a speech therapist. I realize its been a while since your email was posted. It was so good to read all this great feedback, and also glad to hear that not everyone is accepting some of the ridiculousness that comes from speech therapists.

I have been working with children from 0-4 years for about 8 years now, privately, in their homes, and in a center with special needs, at risk and typically developing kids. I work with children who are not at all delayed (at risk qualifies them for early start services), to children who are significantly delayed, and have a medical diagnosis. I have a hard time with many of my colleagues, especially speech therapists, as I often disagree with their diagnoses and therapy strategies.

Here are a few things for you to know, and possibly find out, from your child (0-4 years)'s speech therapist.
-What is their background? How long have they been working with children from 0-4 years. Many speech therapists were trained to work with children that are school age, and techniques are taught at a desk, per this setting. This DOES NOT carry over to children 0-4 years old. Children 0-4 years learn through moving and exploring their environment. Some parents expose their kids to structured activities, like reading a book together, or doing a puzzle. This child is likely to sit with a speech therapist during an evaluation. Other kids don't have this experience, or there are too many novel toys in the environment for them to attend. Children this age are learning self-control, and attention. Sitting for one therapist directed activity for 10 minutes is a great accomplishment for a child this age who has not experienced this before. So the therapist should not be expecting your child to imitate, answer questions or listen for an entire 30-60 minute session. Your child should not be strapped in a chair to learn-he can briefly be held by you or the therapist to complete an activity. If your speech therapist argues with you, ask her about why typically developing children are not strapped in chairs at developmental centers to learn. Children with motor disabilities especially need to be encouraged and allowed to move and explore their environment.

Evaluation at this age is very unreliable. ANY typical child can look autistic on a "bad day" as a toddler. She could be in a bad mood, or shy. My job allows me the freedom to evaluate the child in their home, and at school with typically developing children. I also ask the parent, and rely heavily on their report for information. At this early age, you are testing a child's ability to be tested. Testing is out of context. Children start learning functional activities from their routine. They imitate things their parents do, and use communication functionally (to get what they want). Asking a kid to point to pictures, hand you a yello cup, or the like, is also testing their ability to understand the task. Unless the child has experience with this kind of task, they will not do it. If they can learn the task, in time, over a few sessions, they will probably be alright-as the ability to learn is so important for any skill. Giving and taking away items during testing may upset your child, also.

Speech therapists are required to attend Continuing Education Courses, which are presented by other speech therapists in the field. However, the information presented DOES NOT NEED TO BE RESEARCHED, they are individual or groups of therapists' own ideas, marketed and packaged into a "program". There are fads as to what "program" is popular at a given time. THey often are not well researched. Oral motor therapy is not well researched either. There is no researching saying that blowing a whistle will strengthen your lip muscles or improve your tone, and no data that says how often you would have to do this. There is definately no direct correlation between speaking and blowing a whistle, they both involve the same muscles, but many children can blow a whistle and do not say "w" or "oo" words. Different areas of the brain are activated during speech and blowing activities.

Regarding diagnosis: a referral to EI *(Early INtervention, free services for children 0-3 years in the USA) does not entitle you to psychological services, but they can be provided if it is recommended, or you request this due to concerns(this field is called "Infant Mental Health"). A speech therapist cannot diagnose autism or PDD. Only a neurologist or psychologist/psychiatrist can do this. A speech therapist can suspect this, and note to you social concerns, or jargon that is not typical of the intonation or phonemes of the child's native language, and recommend you see another professional for further evaluation. But they cannot diagnose autism, with a Master's degree in speech therapy.

Speech therapists also go to conferences about the "hot new diagnosis". Apraxia/dyspraxia/ developmetnal dypraxia of speech is popular now, and quite often describes a typical child who takes a little longer to learn motor planning for speech. Dyspraxia is a disorder in motor planning, but children from 0-4 years are just learning motor planning for speech. Maybe it takes some longer than others, and there is not a disorder. If it was a true disorder, you would expect it to continue as speech develops.

Try to think functionally. Find a speech therapist who is the same, who is willing to put the standardized test aside for a second and look at your child as a whole person. Find someone who will work at your child's level, and challenge him to go higher. Find someone who incorporates language into daily routine and functional, everyday routine activities that your child is familiar with. This especially for children with mental retardation - they learn better in the context of their natural environment. Let them learn the power of communication by responding and giving them feedback, instead of sititng at a desk and imitating sounds and meaningless words. Speech therapy sessions may be difficult, but need to be fun for y our child, or your therapist has to try something else. ALWAYS trust your judgement about
your child's abilities. Always trust in her potential. and if something the speech therapist said about your child doesn't sit right with you, ask her about it. Ask her to explain how, why and evidenced by what when she uses big words about diagnosis or treatment strategies.
There is a great book I recommend about Early Intervention, compiled by the National Reaearch Council and Institute of Medicine, called "From Neurons to Neighborhoods-The Science of Early Childhood Development". It is an excellent resource for questions regarding many aspects of child development, and is based upon current worldwide research, not someone's opinion.
Hope this helps someone out. And remember, parents and families are ALWAYS the best speech therapists, because they care.