The Patrick Post v.I

This is all about Patrick. If you are feeling that gushy toddler stories are not quite what you had in mind for the day, by all means just skip this.

Patrick is absolutely delicious. Quite literally, when he kisses me I can taste the lingering tartness of cranberry juice and where his hair curls at the nape he smells sweet like crushed honeysuckle. Steve and I kiss a lot, I guess. We kiss Patrick and each other and the cats on their ears and noses. We are a kissy family and Patrick has gotten into the swing of things in the past month or so. When I get up in the morning he races over to me and says, “Heesh mama” with his face turned upwards. Then he holds up one finger and says, “Heesh dada,” followed by a second finger and “Heesh mama.” As if he had a To Do list in his head (Kiss Daddy. Kiss Mommy. OK) and has just ticked off both items leaving him free for the day.

He is a very easy-going little kid who smiles and laughs a lot. Tickling cracks him up, as does a funny face or repetition of the word “Marinara.” He can run very fast and walk surprisingly long distances without ever wanting to be picked up. We have a mile-long loop we do through the woods in back and Patrick hikes it with alacrity. Of course, it takes a million hours to finish because he stops every two feet to examine an acorn or switch out his walking stick for a new one. He is curious about things, but has an innate understanding of rules and boundaries that he has yet to test too strenuously. He never tries to open the kitchen cabinets that he is not allowed into and for the most part he leaves my books and plants alone. Yeah, I was horrified when he handed me two pages out of a Booth Tarkington first edition the other day, but in fairness to the child, Tarkington was a crummy writer. Ironically, the book he ripped was Gentle Julia and I responded by mildly telling him that if he tore apart my books again I would slay him. He smiled at me.

His version of a temper tantrum is so lame I am almost embarrased for both us. After first registering shock that I am denying him anything, his face will crumple as he begins the outraged cry. Just as he starts the toddler coup de grace, however, the full-on body slamming tantrum, he will quickly look behind him to see what he might land on if he flung himself backwards. On occasion he has actually stopped at this point and led me by the hand into our bedroom, which is carpeted. He will then carefully arrange himself on the floor before trying to start his tantrum all over again. I just say “You have got to be kidding me” and we read a book instead.

Patrick still loves books, particularly alphabet books. Depending upon which book is in vogue at the moment he will use it as a reference point for many conversations. We have a lovely wildflower alphabet book that caused him to answer “What is J for?” with “Jimsonweed!” for weeks. In some ways Patrick is quite advanced and in others he is very young for his age (26 months.) He has the alphabet down cold and has for almost a year. He can recognize and say all the uppercase and lowercase letters and several different punctuation marks like hyphen and comma and exclamation point. He really fundamentally understands books and how words work. He spends a lot of time saying each letter in a word and sort of working it out in his head. I expect he will be able to read early, and in my secret heart I believe he already knows a few words. I spelled B-L-U-E-B-E-R-R-I-E-S in front of him this morning and he looked interested and asked, “In the green bowl?” But it might have just been contextual. He knows all of the numbers and can recite to 40 or so, but I am not sure he understands counting. If you ask him to count to ten he will say, “Ten” which is certainly expeditious but cheating. He knows every shape although I haven’t had the heart to tell him that a Stop sign is actually an octagon, not a hexagon as he asserts. He knows all of the colors and can tell you what yellow and blue make, etc. He is like a walking Kindergarten primer.

There are also the areas that I wonder if he will ever get, like speech. He never shuts up, don’t get me wrong, but 90% of what he says is completely incomprehensible to me and I would guess that it is closer to 99% for the rest of the world. He has this weird short-hand/substitution language going that is utterly baffling. A few of his words are attempts to imitate us, but the rest… who knows where they came from? “Nah” is both red and light, and “nahdah” is rabbit and strawberries. “Dah” covers the gamut: Bear, dog, pig, B, P, D and pink. Despite the fact that he can say the word ‘Blue’ beautifully, his word for blueberries is “dindahees.” Sometimes I admit this whole thing freaks me out and I think I should get him into speech therapy immediately. I will never forget the day that I was in Kindergarten and said, “Somebody left the gwoo [glue] on the tayboo [table]” and the whole class laughed at me. I ran out to my mom in tears and explained that I had been “Yoo-miliated.”

Just as I am about to commit to a speech evaluation, though, I notice that he is making strides in little ways every day and I think I should just chill and see how the next few months go. Today, for example, he took me by the hand and said, in ringing bell-like tones “Let’s go up.” Up we went.

He is extremely attached to his teddy bear who he calls Da. Da goes everywhere with him and if you start to read a story Patrick will stop you until he can go get Bear. The inference is that Bear really likes a good story, just as Bear loves The Red Balloon. Bear has a rather romantic history, actually. Years ago, before Steve and I were married, we lived in Oak Park, Illinois. I would drive down this one street every day on my way to work and there was a thrift store there with a teddy bear in the window. The teddy bear looked so utterly bereft that I could not stand it and finally screeched to a halt one day and bought him. Then I felt guilty because I really didn’t need a teddy bear and he looked just as forlorn in my apartment as he had in the thrift shop window. Time went by and we eventually had Patrick. Lots of people sent stuffed toys and there must be at least 40 of them up in his room, not including some of my old ones. But Patrick only had eyes for Bear. He is his best friend and although Bear is starting to lose his fur he finally looks happy.

Other Patrick things. The potty is a sealed book to him. When I ask him if he has to go he looks utterly, utterly blank. The more I talk about what our bodies do the more glassy-eyed he becomes. I have never seen a living creature less aware of his own functions, although I have noticed that he has started to hide after befouling himself (aw, I know what you are thinking. You are thinking that I have the bathroom issues. Yes, but I say ‘pooping’ to Patrick, I swear it.) When I suggest that he could come and tell us that he needs a new diaper (Brightly!) he looks embarrased. You know what else embarrasses him? Anybody singing but Steve or me. We went to communist playgroup and he covered his face with his hands every time there was a song. It was actually really cute but the other kids singing along and swishing their bus wipers were cuter.

He is still in his crib and has not shown the slightest interest in moving to a bed. Melissa suggests keeping him in there until he is 15 and I think that sounds sensible.

What else? He loves all vegetables and most fruits, generally at the expense of protein. He won’t touch chicken but he usually likes fresh salmon and cod (unless I have gotten it especially for him in which case he rejects it untouched with a terse, "All done.") He would sell his soul for a purple yogurt-juice blend called Yo-J. He has never had an actual cookie (other than graham crackers and an animal cracker or two) or cake or piece of candy or a popsicle or soft drink in his life. Since I am a sugar junkie you can just go right ahead and call me a big assed hypocrite. I can take it. Steve gives him breakfast every day and as far as I can tell (being asleep at the time) I think he gets the EXACT SAME THING to eat every morning. It would drive me crazy and I go to a lot of trouble to insure that there is variety the rest of the time. But I admit that I don’t care enough to wake up early and supervise. I mean, Dads are Parents too.

Julianna asked what it feels like to be a mother. Wonderful, comes to mind. Amazing. You fall in love with your child. You think about them when you are not together and you dwell over every little kiss and sweet gesture. It’s a great big love affair and it carries many of the same highs and lows. Anxiety and gratification, lots of both.

It is also boring. Playing peek-a-boo with Bear fifty million times may be a never-ending source of delight to a two-year-old but, um, I am not two. I am thirty-two and being pinched between mindless repetition and an imminent screaming fit is no fun at all. Sometimes I look at Patrick and then look at the clock and realize that there are three hours until dinner and we have already played with every block, read every book, smooshed all of the playdough…. Like I said, sometimes it is boring.

When Patrick was first born I was completely stressed out by the whole thing. I was terrified that he would cry, terrified that breastfeeding wasn’t working, terrified that I would finally fall asleep only to be woken up again five minutes later. I vividly remember lying in bed with Steve one night, two-week-old Patrick lying peacefully in his co-sleeper next to us, and flatly stating, “I was happier before we had him.” I was then so horrified that I said it, that I could even think it. I mean, we had wanted this for so long, how could I not be happy?

Steve, who apparently has his moments of goodness and empathy, said, “Me too. But it will get better.”

And, of course, it did.

Right now my life is exactly the way I like it, exactly the way I have always imagined it would be. Our days are structured but leisurely and we laugh a lot. Food is important and books and everyone sleeps until they are rested. We rarely dine out and we hardly ever travel together but it does not feel like we are missing anything. Steve and I did these things before we had Patrick and we will all do them once he has grown a bit.

In the meantime we savor the kisses and the ridiculous tantrums and even the boring monotony of the nap-based day. For us, these are the years to enjoy being home.

Comments

[Judy]

That was lovely.

[reenie]

thank you.

[lagringa56]

Thanks for that. What a wonderful reminder of why I'm going through so much to get pregnant.

[jenni]

Your Pat sounds like a mix of my Pat(3) and my Colby(1). Don't worry about the speech thing. Pat had severe ear infections and didn't start talking until he was two. Now he won't shut up. I know the boring feeling. Colby loves peek-a-boo. That is all we do. With anything he can find. My mind feels like mush. His huge blue eyes melt me and the way he smells makes me want to absorb his love. I didn't have that connection with my Pat. My Pat learned to walk and I have been running after him ever since. ; ) I can't wait to see what this next one has to offer.

[Monica C.]

You are so good. You just said it all, and so succinctly.

By the way, I'm having very similar speech issues with Sierra. We actually have an appointment with an ENT b/c her pediatrician (whom I love) recommended that we have Sierra's ears checked b/c she seems to always have a residual amount of fluid from her ear infections last winter. I vascillate between thinking that the whole thing is a waste of time, to imagining them putting tubes in Sierra's ears and her all of a sudden saying, "Mommy, would you prepare my bath, please?" Sigh. I admit, she sometimes does sound like her hearing is muffled, although her vocabulary has grown by leaps and bounds and she is becoming more expressive every day.

Only time will tell!

Give that honeysuckle-cranberry (doesn't that sound delicious) baby (can we still call them "babies"?) a big hug for me!

[Danae]

Okay, I think I'm in love with Patrick. And you're not too bad, yourself.
Such a beautiful post.

[Shelly]

Thanks for the laugh about the tantrums. Peter goes looking behind him before he flings himself. He hasn't quite done what Patrick has about going to the carpet yet, but I am sure he will.

Your post was wonderful!

[jen]

Julia, I found this blog about three months ago and have been reading religiously ever since. You are a great mother - it shows in this post about Patrick. The emotion just flows out of you. And I LOVE what you are doing with his diet ... I just really have to bite my tongue when I watch friends give their kids junk food or McDonald's because the kids insist on it. Pretty cute that Steve gives him breakfast too. Keep up the posts - there are many of us out here in blogland who really enjoy what you are writing!

[Anna H.]

Beautiful.

Thank you for that.

xxoo

[Toni]

I love the tantrum story too!! Almost fell off my chair. Any chance Patrick would like an arranged marriage to my Carley?? She's 15 months - very cute - and loves to say "Mine...MINE" right now :)

[Ninotchka]

"Dads are Parents too" Very well said.

[Mollie]

Oh, oh, oh Julia. I do wish we could be parents and be nearer to each other. The truth and beauty just ring from your sentences here.

After reading this, I'm even more excited about our upcoming trip back to MN and the prospect of meeting this adorable, sweet-smelling savant. And your son.

[Melissa S]

I did it at 3.5 and if I could take it back I totally would. Always go with your first instinct!

Lovely indeed. I'm glad you're enjoying him so much.

**I can't help but add my two cents on the speech thing. I had Maddie in Physical therapy. There were some real concerns but in the end I think she just prefers doing things like reading or drawing. She's not physically inclined. But p.t. didn't hurt anybody. It was like expensive insurance paid for Gymboree!

[Julianna]

Okay. Thank you. You had me at the second paragraph. I am still tearful.

That was beautiful. I have loved your writing, your way with words and for me, this was the most beautiful post you have written.

I am so filled with envy/happiness/beauty. What a sweet, sweet story.

Thank you for writing that.

[persephone]

Julia, I know you were not asking for advice, and I'm not trying to offer any. Just thought I'd observe that Patrick does not sound like he has a problem with language, per se. His expressive vocabulary is growing, he understands everything you say to him, he can put together multi-word combinations, and he's interested in print. My guess is the only thing he's having trouble with is articulation.

When a kid is having trouble with language itself, that's more alarming, because it makes it so much harder for him to learn anything from the world around him. But articulation is mainly a mechanical, motor issue. Speech therapy for that doesn't sound urgent, if he's not frustrated by it and neither are you. On the other hand, it would probably be pretty painless. My nephew had articulation problems at age 2 and the therapist played games with him like: putting a drop of peanut butter on his lips, blowing bubbles, etc., to teach him how to get his mouth into the right position for different sounds. He loved it when she came over. And it got results really fast.

Been lurking here a long time, by the way...

[Anna]

That was very beautiful. What a feeling of love.

If it makes you feel any better, regarding speech: I had pretty bad early speech also, where "milk" was "gip" and "napkin" was "gabak", etc. and also I lisped and couldn't say M or a couple other letters I can't think of now. I turned out fine without therapy or anything. For what it's worth.

[Laura K.]

Sat here with a big ol' grin on my face the whole time I read your post. How very, very sweet.

:) Laura

[persephone]

Anna, that's why I think there are two different concerns in pursuing (or not pursuing) speech therapy. First is, will the child grow out of it himself? If it's receptive delay as well as expressive, probably not; if it's expressive only, plenty of kids do. Second is, which will be harder on the child: growing out of it, however long that takes, or having some help to spur it along?

Therapy has a stigma in many adults' minds (why label a child that young? why get help for something he can do himself?) but children are often too young to know they should feel that way about it. Especially a toddler: he'd most likely think this was just an interesting new playgroup. However, even very young children CAN often be sensitive to other people laughing at them, being labeled the kid who talks funny, etc. No one was laughing at my nephew, but he was getting very, very upset when people didn't understand him. In his case it was clear therapy was a great idea -- even if he would have grown out of it on his own.

[Sierra]

I loved reading that. Thanks!

[Shelley]

Please tell me the teddy bear story is really true! That is the sweetest thing ever! I can just imagine a worn but smiling teddy.

[Lori]

That was wonderful to read. My husband and I have been afraid of TTC again after two m/c. This reminded me why it is worth the risks. Thank you.

[B]

Missed a day and had to go back!

Yummy, yummy Patrick! Ethan is yummy, scrummy too. I can identify with you.

Ethan has just started in the last couple of days repeating words back to me. He's 14 mo. tomorrow. It's so awesome when they start communicating (regardless of whether they pronounce things correctly or not) and I'm just so excited about this new phase. I don't know about speech therapy, but I'm glad you are taking the 1st step.

That's sweet about Da!

I don't know if you ever wonder whether your relationship with Patrick will be as great when you have a sibling. I do. I am hoping that it will just be different.

B

[Andreah]

Oh Julia, this paragraph:

"...what it feels like to be a mother. Wonderful, comes to mind. Amazing. You fall in love with your child. You think about them when you are not together and you dwell over every little kiss and sweet gesture. It’s a great big love affair and it carries many of the same highs and lows. Anxiety and gratification, lots of both. "

rings so true for me, thank you for saying it so much more beautifully that I ever could.