Truncated

ARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!

I just wrote this big ol' post (big. ol'.) and I accidentally deleted the whole damned wad leaving a mere lower case 't' in its place. MOST annoying. I thought about simply posting the 't' but I figured that you would not be interested in searching for the subtext of the gesture.

Now it is late and I have Langston Hughes to read, but I owe you something so how about a smitch from Saturday's party (the ultra-cool one that Steve and I loved so much that we never ever wanted to leave.)

#1:

Standing in the kitchen of the lovely old house, I firmly grasped a corkscrew in my left hand as I prepared to open a bottle of red wine. The man standing next to me said, "Can I open that for you?" Trust me, my fluffy internet penguins, I know how to open a bottle of wine. In fact, give me anything from those weird two-pronged pull thingies to a needle and some dental floss and I will get the wine out. But I am not one to take offense at the well-intended chivalrous gesture, so I just smiled and proceeded to extract the cork with the deft flick of the wrist that identifies the surgeon. Or the booze-a-dillo. Whichever. It was only as I tried to remove the cork from the screw that everything went awry and I managed to gash my knuckle on something sharp and pointy, drawing blood.

More from annoyance than pain I uttered a ladylike "Fuck me!" and looked up to find this would-be Lancelot, overgrown frat boy staring down.

"Was that an invitation?" he asked.

"Was I too subtle?" I countered.

He paused and then looked furtive, "My wife is on the porch. Can you meet me somewhere?"

I gently explained that he couldn't actually afford me. What a skeeze.

Later, I ran into my husband on my way to the bathroom. He said, "Hey! There's a guy around here who thinks he was this close to five minutes of your time in a parking lot somewhere."

"Oh yeah? Did you punch him in the nose?"

"No," my loving husband said, "I told him he couldn't afford you. I also told him you weren't worth it." 

Alright, now I owe you a GOOD story.

Comments

[Erica]

You did make your lecherous inebriate husband pay for that little comment, didn't you? That in itself would make a fine tale, I'm sure.

[Garrison Steelle]

ROTFL. Let him know you're gonna charge him extra for that little quip. ;)

-G

[Scully]

You will make him pay for the comment? Right?

[Karen]

Damn. I SHOULD have married your brother.

Because, it appears, we are currently married to the same man.

[Lauren]

Ahhhh Steve. I feel like I know him soooo well.

[Debe]

I love your hubby, what a great sense of humor he has

[Ninotchka]

...and now the loving husband is lying dead in a gutter somewhere. Right? Right?

LOL

[FabGirlie]

Bwahahaha! That totally sounds like one of MY parties. And my husband for that matter.

[susan]

Oh, that was perfect! I need to remember these lines. Mind if I steal them?

[shae]

to recover when you replace a whole block of txt, press "ctrl" Z.

[Tertia]

v v funny dahling. Such wit.

[shannon]

You know about apple+z, right? What, no macintosh?
Well, this is a good teaser anyway...
more! more! more!

[AyEnDeeAreEeAyAitch]

Have you never heard of Command-Z? Or in your case (creepy PC user) Might you try a CTRL-Z?

It undo's! or is that undos? Either way it undoes!

Oh sorry i just read what shannon wrote.. anyways to start a debate it's not called the "apple" key, it's called the COMMAND key. Wheeee!

[Chasmyn]

What a goon! I can't believe ha added that last bit. WTF? Hell to pay. Hell to pay!!!

[Judy]

I needed a good laugh today. And to think it was at someone else's expense - batting a thousand.

What was so exceptional about the party? I'm always curious about these things..

[Laura K.]

ha ha ha! Steve's a funny one!

Laura

[Summer]

booze+blood+unwise flirting=Julia

You mean that wasn't a good story? I am staying tuned.

[Kristin]

That's hilarious! Your husband responding with the same thing you did gives a very clear view of how connected you two must be.

I cannot wait to hear more!

[melissaS]

Oh that made me skip right over laughing and I went right to wiping the tears out of my eyes and taking a deep breath because it was so funny.

Oh and tell Steve he's obviously not paying enough.

And I thought I was the only one who yelled out Fuck Me when I've hurt myself or something has gone terribly wrong.

[Mellie]

"F*ck Me! is my favorite--plus so many find it distracting, which is an added bonus.

Great post. Looking forward to more, of course. You and your sister bloggers should know that the people at Conde Nast are very concerned that women are dropping off the reader list in droves because they have discovered they can instead click their way to the good stuff!

[Jen/vintageUterus]

Oh, you dirty little ho!

; )

[Lioness]

a) my life is boring but b) at least I'm laughing! For some reason the "fluffy penguins" bit just floored me - and that was before I read the rest. I'll have to rethink my not caring for alcohol, drunks people w refined tastes seem to have it SO MUCH BETTER! I'm partial to "Fuck me blind" but it never got me anywhere really. Too bad abt the price. (T dahling, are you stealing my "dahling"? That's ok, asshole, I stole your "v".)

[vics]

try checking the 'edit' on the browser toolbar, it has an undo function on that. works for me, hopefully in future it'll work for you too ;0>

on the plus side... that teensy tiny error means we got this sordid lil tale of drunken almost debauchery... lol
i for one, am not complaining.

[vics]

try checking the 'edit' on the browser toolbar, it has an undo function on that. works for me, hopefully in future it'll work for you too ;0>

on the plus side... that teensy tiny error means we got this sordid lil tale of drunken almost debauchery... lol
i for one, am not complaining.