O Christmas Bat and IVF.3

Patrick and I just decorated the tree while Steve finishes a business call. Patrick picked the ornaments from the box and then told me where each one should go. I am explaining this in case you come over and wonder why all of the decorations on our tree are two feet off the ground and clustered towards the front. It looks... interesting. Avant garde, one might say.

Once taller-than-us Steve shows up we'll be able to put the crowning touch upon the highest bough and, hooray, we'll be done with the da... blessed thing. So what do you put on the top of your Christmas tree? (that is, if you celebrate Christmas, not to say that you should or that I think everyone does, unlike the Walgreen's pharmacist today who wanted to know how long my 18 gauge needles need to be and then told me to "Be sure and have a very merry Christmas.")

Here at Chez Hipporump the tannebaum is graced by Lester the Christmas Bat who started life as an anemic-looking Beenie Baby but is now so very much more. He's no Spooky, but he gets the job done.

Spooky, in case you didn't grow up at my house, was a hand puppet Grim Reaper and he was always on the top of our tree. Get it? Spooky = Grim Reaper = Angel of Death = Christmas Tree Angel. My father also taught the parakeet, Timothy, how to say, "Birds can't talk" until poor Timothy twisted his head between his cage bars one day in a spurt of existential angst. You can see where he was coming from, of course. I mean, birds CAN'T TALK and yet he was a BIRD who kept SAYING it. No wonder he was driven mad.

I have no idea why writing about Christmas traditions leads me instantly to the macabre. Forgive me.

I had promised to talk about the IVFantabulariousness but I am not sure there is actually anything to say. Shady G was fine. They hustled us from PGD consult (boring) to mock embryo transfer (pinchy) to private needle class (overwhelming and then Steve did a practice one into my stomach and I am here to tell you that the sterile water hurts like a motherfucker) and finally they parked us in our RE's office because he wanted to go over everything from the phone consult in person. He's conscientious like that. Everybody has such cool pseudonyms for their RE that I have been putting a lot of thought into mine. How about... Dr. L? No, too suggestive. Dr. Pepper? Sgt. Pepper?

I'll work on it.

Somehow we didn't have an appointment scheduled with the good doctor, so we had to wait a while until he was free. He was obviously flustered by this fact and kept racing in to apologize and tell us that he would be with us shortly. Seeing as I have waited two hours to see my OB I hardly thought the thirty minute delay was unreasonable considering our lack of an appointment but... ok. Who I am to resist someone who feels my time is valuable?

He confirmed that our odds are about 25-30% unless we actually get TWO normal embryos in which case they shoot up to almost 50%.

He told us that he is trying to get us exempted into their sh*red risk program, although it is unlikely that we will be accepted. They specifically decided to exclude balanced translocatees six months ago when they got a good sense of how poor the odds are for our kind, but he said he would propose us at their next business meeting anyway. The program lets you pay a flat fee for six cycles and refunds your money if you do not wind up with a baby at the end. It would be nice, I suppose. After six failed IVF cycles I could get that wad of cash back and head straight for the racetrack. 

I started birth control pills today. Lupron in 17 days. Then Gonal-F and Repronex. We are planning to be in DC (should all go well) about January 24th and we'll stay through February 5th. Just let me know when you are expecting us at your house and I'll pencil you in. You can throw us anywhere, we're easy. A couple of bottles of a 1997 Cabernet, 600 thread-count Egyptian cotton sheets, foie gras for Patrick and, of course, no fucking grandfather clocks under the bed and we'll be as happy as ticks.

I have decided that this IVF cycle is no big deal. Not IDEAL in any sense of the word, but certainly manageable. I know that if we never have another child I would always have regretted not trying this option. And there will never be a better time to try it than right now. Therefore, we might as well just suck it up and try to enjoy the process as much as possible.

Hell, who knows. It might even WORK and we'll have a baby next year. Wouldn't that be a kick in the ass?   

Comments

[sarah L]

Heres hoping you get a kick in the ass in 2005? Somehow that just doesn't sound very nice. How about I hope that the boot has a baby on it and it comes and lives happily ever after with you and the charming and lovely steve and patrick.

Sarah

[Karen]

My butt hurts just thinking about it.

Best of luck, my cyber-friend. And may you have a very spooky, merry Christmas. May 2005 be your year.

[Sheridan]

I reckon they are pretty good odds, you know. And I reckon you have the right approach. Enjoy what you can.

I sometimes now miss the Sunday 7am trips to the clinic for tests/ultrasounds, etc. We'd go out and have a nice breakfast afterwards and make the most of the day.

Hope its a kick-ass Xmas for you and like Karen said, may 2005 be your year.

[Ninotchka]

Indeed, it would be. I hope to see you rubbing your rump and scratching your head VERY SOON. :)

As for a tree topper: we're boring. An angel. She's demure, I always threaten to demote her for a new fancy something that will "DAZZLE ME" but I never do it.

[Mollie]

The figure atop our pagan greenery is a flat-coated retriever wearing white organdy, silver wings and a halo. I got it for George for our first married Christmas, to commemorate his dead wife, Sam. They never consummated their relationship, but she was a tough act to follow.

Anyway, damn, Julia, the way you talk about this cycle you're embarking on, it surely does sound doable. I like the way you wield your positive, steadfast outlook and the way the suck-ass parts and the hopeful, even pleasant parts all seem to balance out into a sane, cruising neutral. That's the way to do it, at least from my perspective.

I've never felt happier reading someone's entry about starting an IVF. That's saying a lot. I'm truly phobic about the whole process. Good luck from the bottom of my yule, baby.

[Sanorah]

We put a hand made stuffed angel (white and maroon) at the top of our tree.. well we would, if we actually put a tree up this year. which we didn't.

I'm very excited for you and if you think the water stings... just wait. Every one of my 30 or so stomach shots stung like a sonofabitch. It sounds like things are going well. Best of luck and mary christmast!

~Sanorah

[Tertia]

I like your attitude young lady. Who knows, as you say, it might even work.

[Kinneret]

We have a rather anemic looking Santa up there. I decorated the tree myself this year. Not bad for a Jew, huh?
I hope you do indeed have a kick-ass 2005 (I hope we both do) and lemme think ... Jan 24th ... no resos at the inn. The spare bedroom is waiting for you guys.

[Garrison Steelle]

Actually, I think the tree looks rather nice from here. ;)

Miracles happen. Maybe you'll have twins.

-G

[Day]

PGD works Julia. 3 years, 10 ART cycles later, at 39 years old I'm living proof.
After our first PGD cycle, at our 7 weeks 5 day ultrasound were were declared "chromosomally out of the woods." That is, it looks like this one is sticking around. I'm now only 8w 3d and still can't entirely shake the ghosts of RPL, but just wanted to let you know that IVF isn't nearly as complicated as it's made out to be, although it IS emotionally draining. And the PGD was SO WORTH IT. It WORKS. Best of luck to you- I'll be watching, waiting...

[Laura]

On top of our tree sits the typical, feathered, fluffy angel. Boring and predicatalbe - I like your bat idea better!

I am wishing you the best of luck with your cycle in January. You have such a good attitude about the whole thing and I agree that it is worth the try!

As for the stomach injections, for me the Lupron was a cakewalk and the Gonal-F stung just a bit. I would heat up a warm "snuggly" thing (not really sure what those things are called - but they warm up in the microwave and produce a moist heat) and as soon as my husband was done stabbing me I would lay that on my stomach for about 10 minutes - it sure helped make the sting go away fast and kept me from getting sore. I had to do about 50 stomach injections total during my cycle and it was only the last 2 days where I was feeling a little bruised and tender. Maybe this same thing will help you.

Take care and I hope you and your family have a wonderful Christmas!

[Joanne]

Here's hoping you get that wonderful 2005 kick in the ass with a sweet little baby bootie. Happy, happy holidays.

[B.Mare]

How odd. The top of our tree is adorned with Miss Muffet's Spider. He's black, with pipe cleaner legs, and my grandmother knitted him to go with the Miss Muffet doll she made me when I wsa a child. Not sure what has become of Miss M or the tuffet for that matter but Spidey has had pride of place on the Mare family tree for many years now. Please tell the Christmas Bat he says hello. And happy hollybags to you & yours.

[AyEnDeeAreEeAyAitch]

Let's drink to 2005!

[Summer]

I have a gold wind chime wired to the top of my Christmas tree. It's shaped like a Christmas tree. I'm sure that gives my tree just that right postmodern ironic touch.

I'm afraid I have no guest room, no foie gras, but I could offer you a set of sofas and a futon mattress. The bonus to sleeping in my living room -- aside from the delightful absence of any sort of time-reckoning device -- is that if you stick your feet out of your blankets, Olga the rottweiler will lick them. This may be quite pleasant, depending on what kind of dream you're having.

Maybe you'd just rather come over some afternoon.

[Laura K.]

We have a gold star, on top of a FAKE tree. Just another fact that proves that you are WAY more interesting than me. :)

Good luck, Julia. I am hoping that PGD #1 produces a good 'sticker' for you.

Happy new year!

Laura K.

[Cathy]

Good luck!!!!!

[bec 34]

Oh, yay, Dr. Levy is a sweetie (or seems like it, I only saw him quickly at monitoring appts). Glad your experience was okay so far, and the odds actually sound rather good considering all this effort. I'm sure you know this but my one piece of advice re injections: ICE ICE ... ICE. I used to practically numb my entire leg before injecting (this only holds for sub-q injections; I have no experience w/IM).

Let me know if you're going to be in true honest-to-goodness DC (as opposed to the 'burbs) daytime Mon. thru Thurs. (I work there). Otherwise I live 'round the corner from SG. We have one bottle of shiraz, and some good hard stuff too (and an almost 2-year-old to play with).

bec :D

[Karen]

Julia,
I'm still just reading archive... your blog is amazingly addictive! I want you to know that my husband and I spent about 30 minutes last night trying to remember how to breathe after reading your tale of Timothy. Having been badly in need of a laugh, it came at exactly the right time!

Also, I obviously don't know how your story played out over the next year and a half since you wrote this, but I love Dr. Levy. He's not my primary doctor, but I've seen him at lots of monitoring appointments and he's kind and gentle, answers all of my questions (if I have any) and always makes me feel like he's got all day to spend with me if I need it. He's also got a heck of a memory. He's one of the only doctors other than mine who remembers that he's met me before. Other doctors who have seen me at almost a dozen monitoring appointments will walk in each time and say, "Hi I'm Dr. BadMemory," and shake my hand.