What About Everything

You've got questions; we've got answers.

*

Under the circumstances (the circumstances of the transfer being defined by the quantity of things cluttering up my what-have-me and the associated tension of watching $19,000 worth of embryos wooshing their way into the black abyss of my nethers) I think my restaurant recommendations for Unknown British Couple were pretty good. I suggested Makoto, Pesce, Bistrot Lepic and La Chaumiere. Within seconds of naming the last two, though, I questioned the wisdom of sending English people for French food in America. I mean, hell, they could just swim for it when they got back home. So I articulated this concern to my RE and thought frantically about what might constitute a more uniquely American dining experience.

"Hey!" I said "Do you think they might want to go for barbeque?"

My RE said, no, he really did not think so.

Their loss, said I, although it did keep me from having to suggest a restaurant that is actually a lean-to shack and involves a drive through La Plata. So there's that.

**

Have I taken a pregnancy test?

Have I taken a pregnancy test?

Have I taken a pregnancy test?

Have I taken a pregnancy test?

What do you think?

I once described my pregnancy test addiction as an inexpensive hobby, comparable to, oh, say, cross-stitchery. I have my favorite brand (First Response Early Detection.) I have my favorite collection method (jumbo disposable plastic party tumblers in green red yellow and blue.) I have my favorite time of the day to test (afternoon is always darker than morning for me- strange but true.) I have been working on a series of shade cards similar to the paint samples found in Home Depot. I am thinking of naming these after my dear imaginary friends (a little pregnant Pinkish; Leery Polyp Pale Surprise!) or my own pregnancies (Fuck it's Chemical #3 or Darker than Dark, Still No Luck #8.)

So, yes. Yes, I have been taking pregnancy tests.

When we got home on Sunday night, as I told you, I took one to make sure that the trigger shot hcg was gone. And it was, almost. The next morning I tested a nice clear negative and then, just to be sure, I tested negative again later that day. This was now 3 days past the 5 day transfer (3dp5dt) for those of you googling along at home.

4dp5dt rolled along and I tested in the morning (negative) and then again in the afternoon (negative) and then maybe once more for bad luck that night (negative- in fact, I think that one laughed at me.)

5dp5dt? See above. More or less.

"I know this did not work," I told everyone.

"It's too soon," said my mother, having done her own google sleuthing. "Don't you need to be 14 dippos?"

Dippos? What the fuck was she talking about? "Dippos, my honored mother? What the fuck are you talking about?"

"You know, dippos."

Ah! DPOs! Days past ovulation! I considered explaining to her the difference between getting pregnant in the back seat of your car and in-vitro but decided that she just isn't old enough yet.   

"It's too soon," said my brother the scientist. "Yes there is a probability that this experiment failed but...." I listened to him compare our attempt to have a child to his old work with lab rats for fifteen minutes while carefully crossing his birthday off all our calendars.

"It's too soon," said my best friend. "And you don't want two children less than ten years apart anyway."

"It's too soon," said dear Danae. "It's too soon, jackass," said wise Julie.

But I knew. I have been pregnant EIGHT TIMES. I know pregnant and I know not pregnant. I raced through the stages of grief and wondered what the hell we should do now. Steve suggested waiting for the beta (NEXT THURSDAY) before we thought about anything. Steve is always making asinine suggestions like that.

6dp5dt found me taking yet another pregnancy test, bright and early (FUCKING morning insomnia oh my god!) and glowering at the whitey-white blank space where the second line should be. Fuck you, I said to the test.

Or... huh. A smudge? A smudgey line?

Sorry, I said to the test. You know I love you. Let's never fight again.

I took another one a few hours later and there it was. A faint but still apodeictic little line. And then another and another and another until we come to last night's (8dp5dt) fantab-o-line which was courteous enough to show up extremely promptly and dark enough to be seen without the aid of wiggling and bright lights. An elderly person could see this line, I told Steve. And, for my fellow pregnancy test enthusiasts, you want to hear something weird? I went back to compare my faintly faint positive to all the negative tests arranged chronologically in the drawer and I discovered that only the two earliest were still negative. Every other test in there had developed a pale second line at some point in the ensuing days. Just for the record.

But anyway, guess what? I'm pregnant!

And I am so damn excited I do not know what to do with myself other than write long teasing blog entries.

(Apparently)

Oh, and could you guys help me track down that random British couple who figured so prominently in this wondrous creation of Life? We would like to find out which restaurant they wound up choosing. You know, so we know what to name the baby. We are sentimental like that. 

Comments

[oliviadrab]

OH F'KKIN' A!!!!!!!!!!
Anyone else wanna jump around with me, high fiving?

[karla]

SQUEEEE!!!!! That is all. I will now return to crossing all digits and uttering fervent prayers to all dieties for you. (Did I mention....SQUEEE!)

[Mollie]

Tears. Just, tears. The smiley kind.

[Molly]

FUCKING AWESOME!

I'm thrilled!

[Bonnie]

Oh. My. God. Could this be it?! I don't post much but I'm always following and I literally have a sicky happy feeling in my stomach.

[Laura K.]

Yes, Yes, YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now I'll be waiting to find out just HOW MANY you've got cookin' in there...!

But in the meantime - YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Laura

[Linda]

So freaking cool.

Many, many congratulations!

[Kate]

WHOOOHOOOOO!

That's the best news I've heard in weeks.

Congrats, Julia!

So, is it time for an ultrasound yet?

No?

What about now?

How 'bout now?

Now?

NOW?!

[Deborah]

You just about killed me with the post, Julia, but I'm going to forgive you because I'M SO FREAKING HAPPY THAT YOU'RE PREGNANT. Well done. Well done.

[Amanda]

Congratulations!!!

[beaver girl]

Very good news. Congratulations!

[Lissy]

If I say it then you aren't an asshole, but you were right you are an IVF Superstar! Congrats! Sending all the happy healthy and sticky vibes I have!

[Heels]

Wonderful!

May the Schwartz continue to be with you.

[KC]

De-lurking to say Congratulations!!!

[Julie]

I am (apparently) very happy for you.

[CaraH]

Well, damn, girl - congratulations!

[KellyH]

Congratulations, Julia!

[Annie]

Yee-haw, baby! You ARE an IVF superstar! I love your writing, btw. I have an almost 2 year old so your posts about Patrick and the no's are very close to home.

Mazel Tov! And Happy New Year (chinese new year today).

[Brooklyn Girl]

I adore you. Apodictically.

[Lala]

Yay fucking right on yay!!
A female ulti player this time please?

[Rae]

I am so thrilled that at least one (and maybe two???) of the embies snuggled in and you are pregnant - yay - with a chromosomally normal baby - yay. Very weird re all the negative tests becoming positive - interesting...

[Jen P]

Congrats Julia! This is fantastic news!!

[Tonya]

Seriously, I am going to start scrolling to the end of every entry from here on out. I can't stand the drama, woman! I'm fragile like that.

Actually, I jest. I love surprises and this one was a gem to uncover. Congratulations, dear girl. I am on the edge of my seat for this ride.

[Christine K]

Congratulations!!!!! I am so happy for you. Hugs to Makoto and Pesce - seems like those would work for either gender and since you have no idea where they ate, we might as well pick the first two on the list!

Will be holding my breath for more good news.

[chris]

Congratulations!

[B. Mare]

Actually, I probably could track down that couple. Since after all, I am a M5 spy. (What, that wasn't obvious from all my posts?) Personally, I think Chaumiere Hippogriff has a lovely ring to it.

[BrendaS]

EEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If I could, I'd jump for joy for you.

(Julie.. rofl)

[persephone]

ooh! i can't hug you and must resort to hugging myself instead!

i'm so unbelievably glad you decided to do this, julia.

[JenniferD.]

Wonderful, awesome and exciting news!!!!!!!!!! I can't wait to hear about how many you have in there!!!!

Luv,
JenniferD. ;0)

[Jody]

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

[Joy]

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY...I am so happy for you and I am hoping to follow in your footsteps!
Now, relax (TRY) and enjoy it.

[Valerie]

Delurking to say congrats on the wonderful news!!!!!!!!!!!

[Danae]

Told you so.

Happy Pioing!

[Ninotchka]

AWESOME NEWS! Congratulations Julia!

[Soper]

I, unlike you, managed to read your post IN ORDER, therefore (1) following the narrative and (2) following the narrative intent. Which was to SURPRISE and AWE with the AMAZING rainbow of pee stick colors.

Much more fun that way.

Congratulations! I'm holding my breath for you. OK, I'm not really, because I can only do that for limited amounts of time and I'm actually kinda high right now on spray paint fumes, so I'll just finish my garlic Thai noodles and shut up. Or something.

[amber]

YAHOOOO!! Hope Shady G. knocks me up too! Fabulous news!

[Susy]

FUCK YEAH!!! I could say a whole lot more, but let's leave it at that, and...congratulations!

[Janis]

I've been checking your blog several times a day, waiting to see if you had posted any news and here it is. Finally!

WONDERFUL NEWS!

*Y*A*Y*!!!

Congrats!

[Sandy]

This is great news! Congratulations! And can I just say that I'm jealous about the chronologically ordered, saved, pee sticks though? I don't have a drawer anywhere in my house in which I could accomplish this great feat!

[JuliaKB]

Fucking awesome!
Oh, and thanks for the tips on the dining options, for whenever we get out to DC...

[Cat]

Congratulations!

[Lisa M.]

I scrolled down to the end of your entry and read from the bottom up. There was no way I was going to wade through all that other business to get to the good news.

I am assuming that you have been reading Tertia's blog so you must know the challenges of twins. Get ready because, even though I have no supernatural powers, something tells me that 9 months from now you will be dealing with two babies not one. Go Twins! (seems appropropiate given your proximity to the Twin Cities).

In Julia fashion I'll put the important part of my post at the end here: CONGRATULATIONS! Keep the good news coming.

[Scully]

I'd like to think I'm a bit of a lemming and I just follow instructions.

Therefore, I'm not reading the first 3,000 paragraphs of your posts any longer.

This is wonderful!!!!

[wix]

hooray!

i shall eat barbecue at some point this coming week in your honor.

[VHMPrincess]

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE BEST 19k ANYONE EVER SPENT!

[Sheridan]

hah!! Congratulations!!! Told you you were an IVF Superstar! So very thrilled to hear the news. You did it!!!

[elisabeth]

wooohooooo!!! More liberal Minnesotans on the horizon! only 18 yrs and 9 months til they can vote! good work :-)

[joanneb]

Isn't FRED just the darlingest sometimes?

[tracy]

Chaumiere is a lovely name. Much better than BBQ. And how would you yuppify that, anyway... Barbeighqueue? Anyway, many many congratulations and good wishes. :-)

[Coralie]

Yeah!

Congratulations on the 'So dark even the elderly can see it #9'