It's 6:22. Do You Know Where Your Child Is?

It is possible (although, let's be honest, not bloody likely) that Patrick woke up this morning at 5:20 for some reason other than the fact that Steve left his (Ed. -his meaning Patrick's) bedroom light on all night. Whether he was merely exhibiting a vagary of toddlerhood by waking up two hours early or, as I assert, was the victim of half-assed and neglectful bedtime parenting is beside the point, what matters is that he did indeed wake up at 5:20 and he notified me of this fact by screaming at the top of his lungs. This caused me to bolt upright from a dead sleep and run upstairs, where I found him sitting in a bedroom so flooded with light it could have been situated on the surface of the sun.

"Whoa," I said, shielding my eyes.

And the poorly fathered baby whimpered and put his arms up and said, "Go sleep in the guest bed with Mommy?" and I said, "Uh-huh" and hauled him and Bear down the hall to the guest bedroom.

I was tricked, of course. By the time I drug the coverless duvet over from the window seat and got the three of us nicely snuggled on the mattress pad (apparently I moved the sheets and pillow cases to the laundry room yesterday- how efficient I am!) Patrick was wide-awake.

"It's a bright sunny morning," he chirped, pointing out the window at a gray, fish-fingered dawn.

"No, no," I whispered, "it is not morning yet. Go to sleep."

"OH! 5 2 5!" he said, looking at the digital clock.

"Shhhhhhhh."

Silence.

"5 2 6!" bleated Patrick

"Yes," I mumbled, "it is 5:26. But morning doesn't start until 7:00, ok? When the clock says seven oh oh we can get up."

"5 2 7! 5 2 8! Look Mommy! It's a nine now! What do nine and nine make? Bear needs to be under the blanket! It's a bright sunny morning! That's your nose. That's Bear's nose! Five three oh! Fifty three! Thirty! Oh! We have to wait. Wait until seven oh oh. Where's Daddy? 5 3 1! Mommy it is five three one now..."

And so on, and on, until 7:00, when we went downstairs. And discovered Steve in his office, drinking tea and looking breakfast-ed.

He looked surprised. "Were you upstairs? I've been up since 5:45, for some reason. I couldn't sleep any more. I got in the hot tub. Very relaxing."

"Five forty five!" agreed Patrick.

I dropped the child on his lap. And I went to my own bed- all alone. And slept until nine.

It was divine.

Comments

[Scully]

I know you love your husband and child. Deeply.

But don't you want to just smack morning people?

[Danae]

IN THE HOT TUB?!

You should have slept until noon.

[Emily]

I second what Danae says...until NOON! Now, aren't you sorry you taught him to tell time at such a young age ;)

[Queenie]

Okay, you're totally hilarious as usual, but I just have to ask about "Steve left his bedroom light on all night." Does that mean you have separate bedrooms? No criticism, I'm just terribly curious about how other people handle their marital arrangements.

[Lisa S (& Riley, Bella, & Adelyn)]

Good Lord, he can tell time? Genius.

[Emma]

Queenie, I think she means that Steve put Patrick to bed last night and left Patrick's light on.

[Christine K]

Laughing so hard here. We don't have the countdown of numbers in the morning, but that "bright sunny day" thing really hit home! Every night at bedtime, I say "I'll see you in the morning when it's sunny out". We used to have a nice 7am wakeup but over the last year, it's crept up to 5 and then (thank God) back to 6/6:30. He comes in every morning and announces "It's sunny out!" - no matter how dark it is.

And if I ever try to get a little extra sleep with him in our bed, he first climbs over my head to get into bed. Then he insists I turn over to hug him ("Turn your face around"), then he burrows to the bottom of the bed and then comes back up to the top again - repeat as needed until one of us gives up.

I'm totally dying that Steve was in the hot tub during this morning experience!!! Glad you got to sleep a little in the end though.

[LauraN]

Julia,
this post was too funny and so true.

I am sure you realized it already but I just wanted to point that your kid is really advanced for his age. My kids, who are very smart, were nowhere close to doing what Patrick is doing at this age. Reading numbers and spelling? And he is not even 3? WOW!

I am not sure I posted already, but I am really sorry about your loss(es). I hope the next few weeks will bring you some peace.

Laura

[LauraN]

Julia,
this post was too funny and so true.

I am sure you realized it already but I just wanted to point that your kid is really advanced for his age. My kids, who are very smart, were nowhere close to doing what Patrick is doing at this age. Reading numbers and spelling? And he is not even 3? WOW!

I am not sure I posted already, but I am really sorry about your loss(es). I hope the next few weeks will bring you some peace.

Laura

[julia]

Following a bout of RSV in January, my son Max has been waking up every morning between 5:30 and 6:10. We're going slowly crazy. Previously a 7:21 on-the-dot waker (from 7 weeks), Max has turned into a festering thorn in our sleepy sides. WHAT THE HELL, son o'mine?

We've tried various bedtimes, various eating schedules, putting up black-out shades, etc., etc. That little monster (sweet, lovely boy) just can't sleep in. He is slowly getting to the point that when we sleepily drag him into bed with us in the dark, he will lay quietly for an extra 15 minutes. Ugh. Good luck with P.

[patricia]

Oh for fuck's sake.

BTW - did you see Michigan State?

[elisabeth]

obviously your house is too big. no way any of that would happen here without everyone knowing it. And hot tub??? when can we come over????

[Sandy]

How you managed to deposit Patrick without a parting shot of hoping that the hot tub withered his netherbits is beyond me. You are truly my new idol. (I was going to type heroine but then I thought you'd think I was addicted to you....ok, shutting up now before I embarrass myself even more...)

[Debe]

what a doll Patrick is, I'm sure you throughly enjoyed all your "extra" time with him this morning

(I'll help you hide the bodies)

[Linda]

Patrick stories make me laugh. Thanks!

[Jody]

Grrr. Happens here a little too often, too.

I was feeling guilty for not teaching Wilder his numbers, and then getting a digital clock for the nursery, but maybe it's not such a cure-all as I thought?

That would be okay, because after all these damn early mornings, I'm too addled to be productively involved with him, anyway.

[wix]

may i suggest some blackout shades for the guest bedroom? or some attractive and crinkly aluminum foil?

[Annie]

My girl is getting up all early for the past week. I think it's the light changing? Gah, 522 for me this am too and a 10 am nap, what?

[Sheridan]

I'm jealous, it's 4 3 6 here and I'm up, but all alone - can't sleep. Wouldn't mind a little company - can you send Patrick over?

[Toni]

I'm a morning person...go ahead...hate me. But I can't help it :) Patrick is more than welcome over here - with the sun coming up earlier and earlier, so is Carley. We're waiting until this weekend - hoping she'll go back to at least 6:00!!!