Oh For The Love Of...

This is going to sound superstitious, but I don't think that Georgia Tech and Kansas are going to be meeting in the finals. I have this eerie premonition that my bracket masterdom is over. Curses.

I am ambivalent, generally, on the subject of D&Cs. I don't think they are a medical evil. I don't think they are a medical necessity. I think it depends upon how far along your pregnancy was and how you are feeling about the miscarriage and what might be happening in the rest of your life at that moment. Usually I find out that the heartbeat has stopped and I go home to wait to miscarry. Then three or five or seven weeks go by and nothing happens. No bleeding, no cramping- nothing. At that point my doctor du jour gets nervous and suggests a D&C and I say okey-dokey and there we are.

This time my OB and I discussed the options: misoprostol, natural, or  D&C. I listened politely to her review of the former (a day of intense bleeding and cramping at home followed by self-collection of the products of conception OR they could admit me for a day of intense bleeding and cramping at the hospital; the caveat was that the drug does not always work so I might wind up with a D&C anyway.) I tried to keep an open mind but, just between us, OH MY GOD how awful does that sound? I guess there are advantages to avoiding surgery but bleh. No thanks.

Besides, the single-most important thing to me in this post-loss scenario is trying to get genetic testing done on the embryo and the best way to accomplish this is by having a physician gather the POC (products of conception- I was trying to avoid typing that twice but I realized it is not exactly a universal acronym.) So I said if it was all the same to her I would prefer a D&C and she said no problemo, thus they set me up for a dilation and currettage tomorrow morning. At 7:30. Which means I have to be there at 6 AM so I have to get up at, what, 5:30? Is there a point in even going to bed at all if you have to get up at 5:30? Personally, I think not, so as soon as I am done writing this I am going to put on my favorite D&C sweatpants and go wait in the car.

Oh. Right. The car. Fuck.

Steve and Patrick went to pick up his parents from the airport Saturday morning (see previous gloating post.) Ten minutes after they left I got a call from Steve on the cell phone. A snow plow hit them while he was stopped at a stop sign. The plow actually went backwards 50 yards down a 55 mph road and then turned, still in reverse, and backed into them. They are both fine, but the car was destroyed in the front. Our insurance company will let us know tomorrow if it is totaled or if they think it will cost them less to repair it.

So:

1. Both of my NCAA finals teams are out of the tournament.

2. My one year old car was destroyed.

3. I have to get up in the middle of the night to have a D&C in order to do genetic testing on a pregnancy we spent almost twenty thousand dollars to achieve solely to make sure that I would not have to miscarry another genetically abnormal pregnancy.

You know what? I REALLY AND TRULY feel sorry for myself. And I hope your weekend was better than mine.      

Comments

[Jamie]

I think D&C/In-laws/blizard/wrecked car trumps my weekend of "I'm late! I have tender breasts! I feel sick! I might be...oh, nevermind. Nothing to see here folks." I proceeded to cry whenever I looked at my husband because I had the lovely thought that we were going to grow old alone with no children to celebrate holidays with. Hormones.

[chasmyn]

You go right ahead and feel sorry for yourself. For Chrissake, the Universe can be so goddamned cruel at times. I just do not understand it.

[Bella]

I feel sorry for you too. After all of this stuff you deserve to wallow as much as you want. The car too? I am so overwhelmed for you. Enough with the bad stuff for Julia, ok universe?

[jen/vintageuterus]

Fuck. You should feel sorry for yourself, damnit! This all sucks. I'm so, so sorry. I'll be thinking of you today (Monday). Rest and pop those pills.

[Julie]

Shit girl - you have earned the right to feel sorry for yourself! I'm sorry about the miscarriage, the car and the in-laws. That's definately a trifecta of suckiness.

[patricia]

What you are going through sucks. S-U-C-K-S. Spending the money that was supposed to be insurance for a healthy pregnancy - well, it's the very definition of insult to injury.

And who would have thunk? KANSAS? Georgia Tech faltering is one thing, but Kansas? It's a bummer when even your mindless distractions fail you.

I'm so sorry. Here's hoping you can get through the D and C and get home and go to sleep. For a month. At least the weather will probably be better in late April. Probably.

[Jessica]

Julia,

I'm so sorry. I wish I had something better to say, something profound and meaningful that would make a difference. But I am thinking of you and will always be wishing the best for you.

Jess

[Sandy]

I hate that you own a pair of D&C sweats. The whole thing sucks. If you weren't feeling sorry for yourself, I'd be worried. Will be thinking about you in the middle of the freaking night.

[Christine K]

Oh please tell me that the inlaws left before this morning. The thought of you returning home from a D&C to a house with inlaws in it is too much to bear.

I hope you made it through the procedure today and that you get some answers as a result.

Feeling terrible for you and think you have every reason to be having a phase of feeling sorry for yourself - you've more than earned it.

Sounds like some early 90s music, peanut butter m&ms, a box of tissues and your favorite pads are in order. I'm so sorry this week was so crappy. I hope everything goes smoothly tomorrow.

Have you had a HSG?

[Lyss]

Sounds like some early 90s music, peanut butter m&ms, a box of tissues and your favorite pads are in order. I'm so sorry this week was so crappy. I hope everything goes smoothly tomorrow.

Have you had a HSG?

[Soper]

Shit.

[Cat, Galloping]

You know what? I really and truly feel sorry for you, too. It sucks, it just does.

[Kristine]

I'm a fan of self-pity. I vote for wallowing.
I'm so very sorry for your loss.

[lynn]

"Usually I find out the heartbeat has stopped and then I go home and wait to miscarry."

No one should have to be so familiar with the sequence of events following a miscarriage. That sentence broke my heart.

[Pamela]

Hi Julia, I stumbled across your wise, witty reparte while I was researching the causes of miscarriage for a dear friend that had IVF. I couldn't find the right words to tell her how sorry I was. After reading all of this I realize there are no right words. I think you're an amazing writer and and even more amazing person! Since Louisville beat Georgia Tech (sorry) pull for them. That way, if U of L goes all the way it will make Georgia Tech look better since they were beaten by the national champs. Besides, they're a fun team to watch. I wish you all the best and brighter days ahead.

[Tonya]

I mean, holy shit, you'd think the universe would at least throw you a crumb with the NCAA tourney.

I'm sorry that you have D&C sweats and I'm even sorrier that you had to drag them out yet again. At the very least, I'm hoping that you get some answers from the genetic testing.