It Just Needed A Little Tact

Do you want to explain to me what dread disease is thwarted by the act of sluicing cool water over grapes? So I forgot to rinse the grapes after I arranged them in that darling little grape colander- big deal. I told Steve that I'll apologize when he gets Ebola but until then shut up (yes, sure, washing fresh fruits and vegetables is critical to maintaining the illusion of incomparable housewifery but do we really believe that a little splash of well-water does anything?)

Speaking of Steve, he is now fully cognizant of his utter utter failure as a multi-celled organism. As one of you so aptly put it, he thought it was going to be easier to ask for forgiveness than permission but man! was he wrong.

I lambasted him, my chickpeas, and then I slept in the guest room just to make sure my point was emphasized (o god how I love that guest bed; it is like sleeping in a warm cloud.) Then we made up while I sat and watched him clean the house really, really well (better than I do that's for damn sure; who cleans under the couch?) and all is sweetness and bliss again.

Saturday night we had the new neighbors over for dinner and it was so much fun that we accidentally drank four bottles of wine (hmmm, or maybe we drank four bottles of wine and accidentally had so much fun.) The end result was that we woke up on Sunday morning feeling like rancid ass and in our very own Scott and Zelda moment we camped on the couch with the baby while he watched video after video and we groaned.

By noon I was pretty sure I was getting, like, a migraine or something. Although I hated to abandon my hostessing responsibilities and leave poor hungover Steve with all the work for his BBQ, well, my health must come first, of course. So I retired to an upstairs guest room with a stack of books and vial of laudanum and Steve made my apologies. Eventually he brought me some Gatorade and a little soup and I asked how he was doing with all those piles of raw red meat he had to grill. He turned green and tottered out to face our houseful of guests again.

That'll teach him.

In other news my recurrent aborter blood panels came back and I am a heterogeneous carrier for either Factor V or MTHFR, I forget which, but one of those genetic mutations. So, on a survey of the more obscure possible causes for recurrent miscarriage I can now check two (2) boxes. I rock the Underworld.

In addition to failing to ascertain just what it is that I have or lack, I also neglected to ask whether my homocysteine levels were high, largely because I hadn't googled it ahead of time and therefore would not have known a homocysteine if it bit me on the fanny. Apparently, though, it (they?) is (are?) the thing(s) that make(s) the other things relevant. All I know right now is that the hematologist put me on baby aspirin every day until I die plus a prescription-strength folic acid. And when I get pregnant again (hear that ring of confidence! look at my brave smile, squared chin and jaunty hair ribbon!) I will get injections of something or other until something or other happpens.

I'm sorry to be vague, but I just didn't think to ask. They drew more blood today and when those results come back I'll be primed with better questions, like: huh? come again? and how are those homosistinechapels looking?

Oh and I HAVE A GENETIC MUTATION.

I am so ashamed. I confessed the terrible news to Steve after the phone call and he couldn't even look at me, he was so repulsed.

No wonder my feet are so fucking wide; I am practically amphibious because I am a mutant. It is all so clear now...

Thanks, by the way, for helping me punt Steve back to Christmas. He and I sat here reading your comments after the dinner guests left (at 2am) on Saturday night and we laughed until we cried. Granted, we were as drunk as frat boys, but still, you guys were very funny. Steve asked me to point out that just because he says I do need psychotropic drugs it doesn't mean I DON'T need psychotropic drugs, if you know what he means. Which I totally do not.

And on that lucid note I'll leave you, as I must go pack for my trip.

Comments

[MistressMary]

We will miss you, sweet Julia! Have fun with the little bundle of yummy baby.

[Jennifer]

Julia, you rock. And you are a wonderful writer. Have a great trip!

[Judy]

Do you ever watch King of Queens? Regardless, there is an episode where Doug (husband) grosses out his wife's dinner guests every time she leaves the room, so that they won't end up with any more friends, because he's happy with their status-quo life in Queens..

In light of that episode, and after reading about your 4 bottles of wine I thought "too bad Julia is not an obnoxious drunk. If she were she would only have to worry about having people over once. And, eventually they would run out of guests."

Oh, and I think Steve just does things to piss you off for the make up sex. And, don't say you don't have make up sex, because I think you screw more then any other couple I know with a toddler..

[Lala]

SO I take it thats a NAY on the hitting of the nuts with a disc? I was eager for a little target practice.

[wix]

hahaha, i've taken this down in my tactical notebook. we don't do much entertaining anymore, but just in case...

[chasmyn]

If you're on prescription folic acid it's likely the MTHFR - that's the one that prevents you from being able to absorb folic acid properly.

I don't know much more than you so about the homocystine levels except that it's relevant to the mutation.

[karla]

Glad to hear all is well with you two lovebirds. I don't know much about MTHFR, but I think heparin shots throughout the pregnancy are taken to prevent miscarriage. I am fervently hoping that now that it is known, it can be treated and Patrick will soon be a big brother.

[Elizabeth Spinner]

I would go with MTHFR...I saw it and though "motherf*cker" which is what I was thinking when I heard about your (as yet) unsuccessful sibling-generation efforts.

[Amanda]

Hi Julia
Long time lurker, huge admirer & first time poster of comments here. I found you via Julia (Uncommon Misconception). FWIW I have the Factor V Leiden gene mutation - homozygous though (ie. only one screwy gene rather than both) - which means my blood clots when it's not meant to - I only notched up 3 miscarriages before it was discovered (by a very diligent dr who ran a thrombophilia screen "just in case" as part of my recurrent miscarriage testing - I'm in the UK BTW) & did the whole baby aspirin thing together with daily low molecular weight heparin injections throughout my only successful pregnancy up to birth & 6 weeks beyond (he is now causing mayhem as a gorgeous 13 month old). I also had twice weekly hcg injections from seeing heartbeat on the ultrasound at 6 weeks until 14 weeks, but am yet to find anyone else who has had this treatment outside the UK.
If Factor V Leiden is what it turns out to be, I'd be happy to help with info. (might be able to save you time having already googled everything known to woman) although the folic acid stuff does sound more like the MTHFR mutation instead.
I hate the fact that you have been through such horrible trials, but adore hearing about Patrick!
Good luck with finding out more - and Google will undoubtedly help you a ton with the research into it all. Sorry for waffling on.
xxx

[Amanda]

Forgot to say - I have unusually wide feet too (short but wide) - must be the gene mutation ;)

[Soper]

I'm not sure a cocksucker and a Motherfucker should be trying to procreate.....

[Brooklyn Girl]

Brilliant strategy for avoiding the BBQ!

I am also a genetic mutant (heterozygous Factor V). Maybe we should start a club?

[Brad]

Wait... if everyone is a mutant, does that make those of who aren't the actual mutants? And I, too, read MTHFR as Motherfucker. I think that's a brilliant way to refer to anything that keeps someone from having beautiful children. "You dirty MTHF..." "SHUT YOUR FILTHY MOUTH!"

[J.]

I realize you were joking, but one of the dread diseases overcome by sluicing grapes (or any fruit) with water is shigellosis. It is passed through contact with human feces--usually through contact with food, water, or other materials infected by carriers with unwashed hands. As a bonus in addition to bloody diarrhea 12 times a day for seven days, cramping that feels like an alien is trying to burrow through your intestines to the outside world, a high fever, and dangerous sudden weight loss and dehydration, shigellosis can also trigger an autoimmune disease (ulcerative colitis) in a lucky few that requires heavy-duty medication for the rest of their lives or surgical removal of the colon to avoid having the aforementioned symptoms all the damn time. So, yeah. Washing the grapes? Totally worth remembering.

[GiBee]

Julia, I just sent you an email, because I didn't want to take up a lot of space, but I just wanted you to know that you're not alone! MTHFR is CONTROLABLE and once your doctor establishes a protocol for you, YOU WILL GET PREGNANT and carry your child. After 15 years of infertility, I was diagnosed in November, began treatment in Nov, and was pregnant in Jan. I'm 15 weeks pregnant... living proof that an infertile with PCOS and MTHFR can carry a child past 5 to 6 weeks of pregnancy, and you will too!

Good luck!

[Tonya]

With the folic acid and all, I'd bet my bottom dollar it is the MTHFR. Remember I told you about my little gene mutation? I am homozygous (which is a fancy way of saying 2) for the MTHFR. I take 4mg of folic acid and baby aspirin and give myself subq shots of heparin 2x a day. So far so good. In fact, I'm 17 weeks so all that drama I've worked up about my chances of miscarriage might actually have to go away. How sad. I kinda enjoyed the violins kicking in when I spoke of my pregnancy. For what it's worth, as far as clotting issues go you're much better off with the MTHFR than with Leyden Factor V.

Enjoy your trip. Oh, and if you are elected governor than Steve and Patrick are just going to have to move to DC. Actually, let's just go straight for W's job, shall we? Please. Pretty please. With sugar on top.

[Cat, Galloping]

Um, was not sleeping last night and thinking about your hetergeneous MTHFR. I've done mucho research and consulted lots of doctors on this. Something like 20% of the population has it. Hetergeneous is not supposed to be a problem and homogeneous (both genes faulty) is HIGHLY contraversial. The extra folic is good and can do no harm, the baby aspirin, well, I'll just say that you might want to get a second opinion on that one. I hate hate HATE when people give me medical advice on my blog that conflicts with what my doctors have told me/what I've already decided, so I hesitated to write this. But like I said, I was up at night just generally worrying, and you're one of the many things about which I worried. And the only way I could get myself to stop worrying was to promise myself I would comment tomorrow. Wow, that sounds selfish and not helpful at all. Sorry.

[Scully]

Well if having wide feet means you're a genetic mutant, then everyone in my family is descended from Frankenstein.

Sorry to hear about the hangover. For you. Not Steve.

[renaye]

I HAVE FACTOR 5 LEYDEN THEY JUST FOUND OUT THAT'S WHAT IT WAS AFTER MY SECOND STROKE
AND THEY SAY NOW THAT I CANT HAVE ANY MORE CHILDREN. I'M ONLY 32 AND I CANT IMAGINE NOT HAVING A BROTHER OR SISTER FOR TRISAN MY 9 YEAR OLD SON. BUT JUST HAVE FAITH!