2IVF.1

I'll bet you've been wondering when I was going to get around to justifying those exorbitant fees I pay to the Infertility Blogging Cartel, haven't you? I have been so quiet on the subject of my pelvis you had probably forgotten it was even there. Am I right? Eh?

And yet no. Actually I was so tense about this very issue that I could not unlock my knees to sit down during the entire month of June. I walked around poking below my belly button and then anxiously counting days on my fingers. I started to write about it but every time I began to express my anxiety over the Uncontrollable my toenails would start bleeding. Timing, my chipmunks, I was being held hostage by an excruciatingly narrow wedge of open time.

You see, if I had failed to start my period by Zero Hour it would have ruined everything, pushing the IVF cycle off until JANUARY. January, you ask? Isn't that a little extreme? Well the good folks of the Grove had been nice enough to let me have a slot that opened up due to some woman canceling. That slot had me scheduled to start stims on July 12 (I'll get back to this concept because if I had understood it last time it would have saved a tremendous fuss over travel dates and it might help you, should you be planning a romantic out-of-town IVF-away anytime in the near future.) After that they did not have space until the very end of August and Steve (at the time, he later recanted and flung himself at my knees, tearfully declaring that having another child was of course the most important thing ever and he was with me 190%, baby) was being an unholy dick about it all and had refused to travel for IVF during the months of September, October and November. Because he has things to do. Soooooo, I needed the July 12th stim date to work. But before I could start stims I had to be on Lupron and before I could start Lupron I had to be on birth control pills and although there was some flexibility over how long I took the pill it was essential that I take them for at least 14 days. Pant pant. So the days ticked by and we got closer and closer and closer... which is when I discovered that I was briefly and shockingly a little pregnant (fine. sue me, Julie.)

I KNOW! As my cycle got longer I finally took a pregnancy test just to rule out the possibility and there was the absolute faintest line ever and then the next day there was the second faintest line ever only infinitesimally darker. I would have mentioned it to you but it was incredibly obvious it wasn't going anywhere (people can talk about the inability of home pregnancy tests to provide qualitative data, but to them I say, oh please.) I would have thought maybe we had lingering post D&C hcg again but I had a beta done weeks ago and it was less than 5 then. Anyway, a quickie chemical pregnancy (of the variety I consider to be a fuck-with-you pregnancy, nothing to get excited about but perfect for ruining other plans) postponed my period just long enough that I was breathing exclusively into a brown paper bag. It finally arrived on the very last possible day. Ta DA. You'll have to take my word for it- it was all very dramatic. You will also have to take my word for the fact that I have no idea how I could even have conceived at all. We were taking very deliberate steps to avoid such a contingency so... I don't know... maybe it was just four funky days of vaguely positive pregnancy tests wholly unrelated to a pregnancy. Or something.

Sorry. I got a bit rambly there. The point is that I was able to start the pill in time and I am now on day four of Lupron shots. So, knock wood, I will start stims on Tuesday and then we shall see what happens. Oh! Right! What I did not understand last time is that there is an anticipated time line with IVF that is not nearly as variable as I thought. Sure I have to wait for a new cycle, but the start date of the pill was set to mesh up to the predetermined date to start the Gonal F and Repronex. Since SG asks that the patient be in DC by stim day 8 it does not actually matter when my period shows up exactly. I needed to travel by July 18th regardless.

Also, I don't know if this is useful, but last time I was told to order 5 multi-doses of Gonal F and 10 vials of Repronex. So I did. And I used 3 of the one and 8 of the other. Which represented about $600 in ultimately unnecessary medication (oh and to the total stranger who emailed me when I was miscarrying in March and asked if I would give her my leftover meds because my IVF "didn't work" I forgot to write back to tell her to go fuck herself, the insensitive moron.) Where was I? Oh right. So this time they told me to order 5 and 10 again but I opted to only order what I actually used last time. And rather than order from the Gibraltar based ivfmedsdotcom which needs at least three days to ship (and actually took nine days last time even though I paid the extra $80 or whatever for express three day delivery- to their credit one of those nine days was Christmas and the drugs had to clear customs here and in the UK) I decided to go with the only slightly more expensive FreedomDrug who can guarantee overnight delivery. Should it be necessary. 

So there you go. The sum total of my vast one-shot experience at your disposal.

All in all, I am ambivalent about this IVF cycle. Everything that could have gone wrong the last time can still go wrong this time (canceled before stims, failure to respond to stims, not enough eggs retrieved, poor fertilization, suicidal embryos, no genetically normal embryos, normal embryos that fail to implant) so I am not even close to anticipating great happy things. On the other hand, I have no particular reason to feel all shrill and heave-y either. So, we'll see. I'm glad we are doing it. I hope it works.

Mostly I am just looking forward to doing something different for two weeks. Is that weird?

Comments

[Jill]

Whoa, Julia, what a ride! And I'm just talking about *reading* about it. You've sure been keeping a lot under your hat these last few weeks. I am so glad for you that the timing has worked out. You had me on the edge of my seat there. Of course, as always, you will be in my thoughts: you, Steve, and that darling Packy of yours.

[JenniferD.]

Man oh man what a wild ride. I will, as always, be praying for you. ;0)

[Lisa V]

Not weird, hopeful. I hope it all works out too. I used to get pregnant without trying too, and also would miscarry. Very frustrating. I have 4 kids now, I had surgery to correct my messed up ute and adopted to of my kids. I had hope and it worked out, not even in a way I thought it would, but in a good way.

[JuliaKB]

Wow, that's intense. Sorry that you had to go through this whole ordeal. I am glad that things are on schedule for now, and I hope it all works out for you this time. Good luck in DC!

[Karen]

Oh, my dear almost-sister-in-law --

It all sounds so incredibly complicated. I'm crossing and clenching everything for good luck for you. I want this for you so badly, I'd almost put up with another snake in my bedroom for you.

Sending you strong fertility thoughts from the tropics,

K.

[MistressMary]

When you write about stims and IVF cycles and HCG, I only understand about every third sentence. I'm stupid that way. But I think I got the gist of it. I'm crossing my fingers and thinking good thoughts for you.

[Barbara]

Found your blog tonight and just wanted to say I hope this will be the miracle you are waiting for. :)

[Judy]

Can you provide us with another playdough illustration, because I'm totally lost! And, I read it twice..

I think your future book should have a chapter dedicated to reading and interpreting the faint lines of the home pregnancy test.

You can also include a chapter on the most outrageous blog-back you've gotten (blog-back is my just made up word for blog feedback - feel free to use it if you like). I would have just said assvice, but some of your outrageous blog-back does not fall into the assvice category.

GOOD LUCK!! With this upcoming cycle! Any chance you'll be in DC in the Autumn to see the Cherry Blossoms?

[sunny]

I'm so glad I get to read about all this techno-talk all the time, because now if I ever (hope not, but who knows) have to go through something similar, or if any friends or family does, I'll at least know the terms, if not the meaning.

Anyway, good luck to ya, and congradulate your uterus for getting the job done on time. Procrastinator.

I'm glad you're not stressed about it, either way.

[Lori M.]

I thought you'd been a bit less chatty lately! Totally understandable given all that has been going on. And your need to protect carpets and cute shoes from the blood oozing from your toenails! Egad. That sounds horrible. But I love "shrill and heave-y" and the fact that you are feeling neither. I hope this IVF cycle works, too. Keep us posted!

[Anne]

I'm really sorry to hear about yet another pregnancy - even if only a chemical pregnancy it always mucks with your head, doesn't it?

Hopefully everything will work out this cycle, but like you, I also believe that it is just upsetting to get too hopeful.

I'm on my first round of IVF with PGD right now (egg retrieval next week if ultrasound tomorrow shows that its all working as it should).

Thinking of you.

[Ollie]

Wow. That's the first time I've heard of a chemical pregnancy being useful. I am very sorry to hear about it happening, but I am glad you got the extra time to take you to IVF. Good luck Julia. I am so very hopeful.

[Toni]

No matter what your thoughts are - I'm hoping the best for this one. The gods are definitely smiling at you with the period on the correct day...can I count that as a good sign???

[Libby]

May the force be with you Jules. Best of luck.

[Stephanie]

By any chance were you using First Response Early?

I got two false positives from them this cycle--after using them without problems for the past three years. Both had faint positive lines that then disappeared off the test after an hour.

Here's some info on the problem:

http://www.peeonastick.com/issues.html

[Jen (yup, another one)]

Uggggh! What a whirlwind. Good luck - and hey, if you get bored here, drop me a line. I can at least give you restaurant recommendations!

PS - Cherry Blossoms in DC: April, not fall.

PPS - FRERs suck altogether. I got two false positives that were NOT the disappearing kind last month. Not a chemical (according to beta).

[Heather]

Good luck on this cycle, and hang in there. I'll be here rooting for you, so please keep us updated.

[Heather]

Good luck on this cycle, and hang in there. I'll be here rooting for you, so please keep us updated.

[Heather]

Good luck on this cycle, and hang in there. I'll be here rooting for you, so please keep us updated.

[Heather]

Good luck on this cycle, and hang in there. I'll be here rooting for you, so please keep us updated.

[Heather]

Good luck on this cycle, and hang in there. I'll be here rooting for you, so please keep us updated.

[Emily]

I'm sorry about the chemical.

Wishing you tons of luck with this cycle. Crossing everything I've got. (and parts of me are now fat enough I can do it twice).

[Scully]

I will never complain about all the overtime I work again.

Ever.

Thinking of you. Always. But not in a stalker kind of way.

[Jen]

I'm so sorry about the crappy chem pg.

Also, it looks like we will be stimming on nearly the same dates. I look forward to sharing our psychoses.

And finally--whenever I see that you are going to be in the DC area, I am overtaken by a perhaps unnatural urge to tell you to eat at Zaytinya while you are there. I'm sure you already have great food recs; you may not feel like zipping into Penn Quarter just for dinner; or you may already know, and loathe (or love; hopefully, love), Zaytinya. All of these thoughts have crossed my mind, but the urge remained. So: Zaytinya!

[Kat]

Julia,
I'm so sorry to hear about yet another PG... but glad that it sounds like all the timing will work for this next IVF. Which I hope will be a smashing success. Good luck.

[aderyn]

good luck, julia.

[dayment]

* fingers crossed *

[Amber]

Jeesh. I thought I had a rough week. xoxox

[Laura K.]

Sheesh - there really is never a dull moment with you, is there?

I think D.C. in July should be lots more fun than D.C. in the winter. Maybe you can forget that you're there for IVF and call it a vacation? Yeah, I didn't think so, either.

Anxious for this to work out for you!

Laura