Gak

Today the beta was 60-something. This is, I think, even worse than the 52.

If the hcg had gone down we could shake our heads sadly, set a Viking boat on fire and shove it and this pregnancy seaward. If it had suddenly emerged as a respectable 900 we could exult and mutter about lab errors and say, "You know, the Generals were due."

As it is I have extremely low + extremely slow rising + beta hcg and, frankly, the prognosis goes from sucky to crappy.

Let us hope (shall we? let's!) that the next beta indicates falling levels, thus sparing me a] days and days of depressing blood draws and b] a possible ectopic diagnosis followed by a methotrexate (that is a surprisingly fun word to say. really) chaser.

What I would like to do right now is climb back into the tub after first filling it carefully with claret. What I have to do right now is clean the goddamned house as we are expecting 1) our rug merchant who wishes to view the spaces for which we keep bringing home his rugs, only to return them the next day as they never seem to be "quite right"; 2) 25 little Xbox players who are descending upon our basement for Steve's long-awaited, all-night Halo Fest; and 3) the Margarita Neighbor, bringing a Sandra Bullock film, to keep me company [after inviting her husband to Halo Fest Steve's hospitality overcame his senses and he scheduled this movie date on my behalf- I was unamused when informed of this fact; now that I have another miscarriage sampler to get started on I would like to kill him.]

I heartily wish you a lovely weekend. Anybody know what the success rates are for transferring a single frozen blast? No, no, don't tell me... I am sure it is too depressing for words. Well, ok, tell me.

Comments

[Linda]

That sucks, Julia. I'm sorry.

[terri c]

Oh, no. You're right... this sucks, beyond. I think I would develop the beginnings of a migraine that can only be assuaged by a tub full of claret and NO Margarita Neighbor. Every warm thought to you, I am so very sorry.

[B]

I'm so very sorry. Man that sucks beyond words.

[Emily]

I'm so sorry Julia. That just blows big, fat, hairy donkey balls it sucks so fucking much. I'm so, so sorry.

I'm thinking of you and while this probably doesn't help all that much right now, I'm sending you love and warm thoughts. Please take care of yourself.

[JK]

Oh Julia,

I'm so sorry. I keep imagining all to be well and that you announce triplets soon. I am so sorry that you have to go through this. You are amazing. Don't ever forget that.

[swissmiss]

Damn. I'm sorry. Fill the tub with claret by all means. Damn.

[Amy]

Oh, Julia. I wish I knew what to say, other than I am so, so sorry.

[Liz]

I'm so sorry for your loss. You have my love and prayers, and I'll happily send all the claret in my house direct to your tub.

[Denise]

Julia, I am so very sorry... beyond words sorry. I understand what you are going through, I just went through it in May, the waiting and not know is the most horrible part and I think it's one of the cruelest tricks God can play. I went through 3 weeks knowing I was going to miscarry, it was hell.

I am still going to keep praying for you to just have slow rising numbers but everything will be fine.

[Rooshie]

Julia, I am so sad that this isn't going better for you. My IVF was the same as yours, and I agree that not dropping but not doubling HCG's SUCK BIG TIME. I hope you will be spared it going on any longer.

If you really don't want the company, I'm sure the neighbor would understand (no need to explain, just say "Not feeling up to it", get in the tub and keep a cooler nearby...)

Thinking of you.

[Gina]

Oh Crap. Talk about going from bad to worse. This bites it, I mean really BITES it.

I did not comment yesterday because well things could have gotten much better. So sorry they did not. So very sorry.

Don't give up on the little frozen blast though. Success rate is it either works or it doesn't. Screw probability at this point.

I hope your HCG goes to zero rather quickly and on its own. BTDT for numerous blood draws with no good outcome and it sucks.

Hugs

[Amber]

ouch. sorry. thinking of you. I am gearing up for cycle #8 in october. care to join me?

[jane]

you have grace and strength. I am praying for you.

[Jen]

SHIT and I'm so sorry to hear it is not good news. I was hoping.

[Annie]

This is a sucky sucky day. I'm sorry. I was hoping too. Shit.

[Anna]

Oh Julia, this sucks ass. Truly. Where the hell is the justice in this world.

My RE at the Grove told me that the success rates wtih frozen blasts is 40%. So, for what that's worth. I have two little, lonely embies waiting on me in Rockville. They're my last shot.

I had a m/c in May at 8 wks after my first donor egg cycle. Donor eggs are supposed to work, right? I'm still waiting for the freakin' HCG to leave my body. But, I'm abnormal, so I'm sure you will move on quickly.

Anna
I hope to God you as easy a time as possible. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

[tracy]

Well, fuckety fuck fuck fuck. I'm sorry.

[JuliaKB]

Well this fucking sucks! Sorry...

[chris]

I'm sorry.

[Marivic]

Christ. Damn.

I'm so sorry.

[Libby]

I don't know what to say, other than this is like 40 billion kinds of wrong. No, make that 400 billion... sigh. I am so sorry Julia. I was really hoping that it would work. I am thinking about you.

[Cris]

Crap! I've been refreshing the site all day, hoping for good news. I am so sorry! See - this is what pisses me off about people who hear you have an infertility issue. "Do IVF!" they say, as if its fun and cheap and always works. "IVF! It solves all your problems so I don't have to deal with them or how heartbroken you are." Well, screw that. Go sit in the bathtub until you are beyond pruney. Ignore the guys downstairs and refuse to fill up chip bowls and beer fridges. Eat as much chocolate as possible (if I had your address I'd send you a very expensive box of chocolates like my best friend did after the last m/c). Tell the girl next door you can't make it - or if she's really great stay up all night crying and then making 'inappropriate' jokes.

I'm thinking of you!

[Lisa S (et al, aka Stolidoli)]

I think you deserve a weekend away, in a place with a pool bar and many many bath tubs.

I am so sorry.

[Sally]

I'm trying to think of some sentiment even more unsettling and perfect than blowing donkey balls and sucking ass, but you know, I really can't. So I'll just say that fate is sometimes a twisted vengeful son of a bitch, no? Here's hoping (raising a glass) he becomes bored with your womb already and moves on to something actually deserving of his evil muck-y-muck. Supermodels? The Oil Industry? The programmers of reality television? My mechanic?
Sigh...Just so sorry.

[mp]

there are no words to soothe your soul at this point. Being in this spot just isn't fair. The "knowing but not knowing" has got to be the worst. Soak, soak away. What did the lovely people at the grove have to say in response? I'm guessing "let's wait and see", and I HATE that!

[kati]

I so wished for you that your dream of that elusive second child finally be on its merry way to a happy ending. And I'm so sorry that it looks so shitty for this to be happening after all. So damn sorry.

[jenn]

I am SO terribly sorry, and astonished that this is happening to you again.

And if it were me, I would be regretfully cancelling my movie date. (And letting Steve clean!)

[Brooklyn Girl]

Fuck.

I'm so sorry.

[jen]

Damn. When is the universe going to give you a break? I'm sorry.

[Lisa P]

So sorry, Julia. So sorry.

[Leggy]

I'm so so sorry. Why does hope have to screw around with us so much? Why can't it be simple: a) congrats you are pregnant or b) no, so sorry, you aren't.

I hope you get some resolution soon because I know what its like to go through weeks of yes/no/maybe so/probably not/you never know/definitely not & time for the D&C.

It just really sucks- I'm sorry.

[Ninotchka]

Man, Julia. I am just so, so sorry. I sound like a broken record, I know but I just want you to know I'm thinking of you and wishing things were different.

[Donnie]

You're amazing and strong and I hate that you've had to exhibit these qualities once again.

I'll be praying the numbers do what you ask them to...

this sucks.

-D.

[SarahB]

Julia, I'm so sorry this is happening again. Just tell the neighbor you are not feeling well, don't worry about entertaining her.

[karla]

Crappity Crap. I'm so damn sorry.

[Milenka]

I can't say often enough how sorry I am that you have to go through this, Julia.

[Karen]

Julia,

Blech. Ugly four-letter words keep coming into mind. I hope this chemical pg resolves quickly and blech blech blech.

As for transferring 1 frozen blast, one of my old IVF buddies did that and her frozen blast turned 5 last month. So in my sample set of one, the success rate is 100%.

At least an FET is very low impact for you. Maybe they can even send the little totsicle to you, instead of flying yourself to DC.

{{{{{HUGS}}}}} {{{{{HUGS}}}}} and {{{{{{HUGS}}}}}

Karen

[TracyB]

This sucks and blows. Be well, and take care of yourself.

[Cat, Galloping]

Wish there was more I could say than that I am so very sorry and I am thinking of you.

[Sheridan]

Shit Julia. I can't believe that the universe (or whatever the hell is in control out there) won't give you a break. I'm so sorry.

[lynn]

That just blows. So sorry.

[KatBT]

God... I just wish I had something better to say than this sucks big hairy donkey ass. I'm so very sorry.

[Ella L.]

Oh, Julia, I am so sorry. Wish there was something I could do. So, so sorry.

[patricia]

Fuckity fuck. My last miscarriage was like this, but it wasn't after IVF for fuck's sake.

Your strength and sense of humor amaze me, though I'm sure you'd throw your strength and sense of humor out the window for a goddamned good beta number.

Hang in there.

[pk]

shit, how cruel. so sorry.

[elisabeth]

I am so sorry. I think you are within your rights to say no thanks, I am wallowing, to your Margarita neighbor. Although it might be nice to have someone to fetch drinks for you....

[Ollie]

I'm so sorry. I hate saying that, because it feels inadequate. I am so angry that this is happening to you again.

[Laura K.]

Oh Julia, I was so hoping that you would have gotten better news today. This really does get suckier and suckier. :(

Laura

[Jenn]

Aw damn it all. I'm so sorry.

[ericalil]

I am so sorry, I was so very much hoping the beta would more than double. Shit.

erica