A Patrick Post v.II

Tabasco Chipotle sauce is the new love of my life. Seriously. Forget Steve and even that guy from college who I never even think about anymore, mostly. The sauce is so good that I created a sandwich this week in its honor, the recipe for which I will share with you here, because I like you almost as much, whether or not you posess an ethereal smoky spiciness.

Julia's Grilled Cheese

Tabasco Chipotle

Sourdough bread (dense crumb), sliced thin

Red onion, sliced and then halved

Tomato, sliced (from the garden if you can get it; I cannot since slugs destroyed our tomato plants while we were in DC - another thing to lay at the door of IVF)

Extra-sharp cheddar cheese, sliced wafer-thin 

Liberally butter one side of as many slices of sourdough as you think you can eat (I am good for three.) Place the buttered side down in a large skillet and then shake shake shake Tabasco Chipotle on the bread. Arrange a few curls of red onion on each piece. Cover with a tomato slice. Top with the cheddar cheese. Put a lid on the pan and put it over medium-low heat (you want it to brown on the bottom but you don't want the butter to burn- keep an eye on it.) When the cheese melts, eat it.

Even Patrick loves this sandwich, although in his version the bread is whole wheat, the cheese is American, and he doesn't like red onion, sliced tomatoes or Tabasco. Whoever wrote that "by the age of three your child will be eating what the rest of the family eats" clearly expects people to live in households where everyone likes their pasta plain and their graham crackers in the shape of bears. Which is, of course, weird.

Patrick, by the way, is as delightful as ever. Honestly. This morning I turned to Steve and said, "Well, if we do only get to have one child at least the one we have happens to be perfect." Steve agreed and Patrick gave us both kisses. 

He has started helping me in the kitchen (Patrick, of course, not Steve. Steve hasn't helped in the kitchen since I met him) and by "helping" I mean that he drags a chair over to the counter and wants to stir everything, usually splashing three-quarters of whatever it is on the floor. Observe him contributing to the largest quantity of vegetable soup ever assembled for domestic purposes  [hey! how about that gorgeous new stock pot, eh? 26 Quarts of gleaming soupy goodness right there, my friends.] He is still intrigued by (shall we say obsessed with?) letters and numbers and has been slaving away for the past couple of months trying to learn how to write them. Actually, this proved to be such a source of irritation for me (he was having a hard time with it- he is little, his small motor skills are not so great, but would he listen to me and just give it a rest already? No-ooooo-oooo. Scribble scribble COMPLETE MELTDOWN FREAKOUT accompanied by high-pitched tearful, "That's a perfect H! But I was drawing a K!!!" shriek shriek) that I finally confiscated all of his writing materials, just like an oppressive government might do to a prisoner of conscience. But then I would find him sitting on the ground tracing letters in the air with his finger. True story. Anyway, he finally mastered that damned K and the accursed 5 to his satisfaction and things are happy around here again.

It helps that he has also shifted how he responds to life's little trials and now when he is frustrated or annoyed he says, "I want to go to bed RIGHT. NOW." Sometimes when he is really upset he adds, "No stories and no Bear." I am not sure what this means about his psyche (why punish himself?)  but I admit that I like having him cruise off in a huff better than having him kick or scream or something. Although, now that I think about it, this is why we abandoned our brief foray into Time Outs. One day Patrick was asphixating Neurotic Cat 1 and Steve decided to give him a Time Out (we had never established a Discipline Protocol and felinicide was imminent so he went with his instincts.) Strangely, Patrick was enchanted by the concept and proceeded to give himself Time Outs 50 times a day. He would walk over, smack a hapless cat upside its whiskers and then say, "I need a Time Out!" and skip over to the window seat where he would watch the bird feeder for a couple of minutes. Or sometimes he would just loll against a wall and stare dreamily into space until he decided his Time Out was over. Steve and I were frankly unnerved by this behavior and had to start saying "No, Patrick, no Time Outs. NO TIME OUT PATRICK! Keep playing, just don't hit the cat, ok?"   

Parents of the Year, ladies and gentlemen.

Whoa, speaking of The Boy I need to go wake him up. He has been asleep for three hours and if he naps any longer he won't go to bed until midnight. And Steve and I need him to disappear for the evening lo-oo-ng before midnight. I mean, it is healthier for him to maintain consistent and age-appropriate sleep habits. Yes.

----

Written this afternoon but thunderstorms here cut out our satellite connection for most of the day. I love the country. Really I do.

Comments

[Christine]

Originally, I was going to ask to borrow Patrick for awhile, but now I'm thinking that I should loan you Max and you can send him back when he is as delightful (and as sleepy) as Patrick.

Oh, and we have a pot that big. I use it to make beer, my preferred source of whole grains.

[karyn]

My three year old learned to write this summer, too, and the freak outs over it almost drove me insane (That's a 'P'!!! I wanted to write an 'R'!! I made an "M"!! It was suppoesd to be a "N"!! Humph!! Stomp, stomp, stomp).

She also taught herself to read this summer, and it was, and still is, quite unnerving to have her say, "Mom, why does that say "Wal-Mart, We Sell For Less'?"

It sounds like Patrick and my Clare would have a great time critiquing each other's handwriting.

[Reprogirl]

Your boy is gorgeous. And brainy. And unconventional. I still want to date him.

[Donnie]

---"He would walk over, smack a hapless cat upside its whiskers and then say, 'I need a Time Out!'"----

My husband just came in the room because I started laughing so friggin' hard when I read that.

Golden.

At least you got a perfect one, indeed. You are a very lucky woman, Ms. Julia.
:)

-D.

[Mollie]

No wonder you seem so impervious to grief. You are overloaded with all of that joy stuff. I am sure someone else who received all of your same life's experiences, but on a different radio frequency, would mope around and suffer, and feel quite justified in doing so. I'm just glad you are who you are, and living the way you are living.

And all I can come up with is, "I am so happy for you," because it is late, and I am weary from a day of my own, less-verbally-precocious version of what you describe. But I wish I could say it in a way that sounded more genuine, more soulful, because I really am so very, very, VERY happy for you, Julia.

The "very" repetition helped there, I think. Oh, God, now I sound like Tertia. Time for bed.

[Cat, Galloping]

He's brilliant, that kid. He rendered a potential discipline device completely ineffective on the first try!

[susan]

My nephew does the same thing with time outs. He actually spills things on the floor so he can vacuum them up, then he gives himself a time out. It's very cute.

Poor cat though. And now I simply must go out and buy me some Chipotle Tabasco sauce.

[Amber]

Girl, you brighten my day! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

[shannon]

hee-hee.
Back in my preschool-teaching days, I had a little boy who would whack the kid nearest him as hard as he could the minute I delcared it was clean up time. He had used this tactic with other teachers to get a time-out while others slaved away over sorting the blocks into their proper bins.

I made a special punishment just for Robert. I gave the kid he whacked a pass on clean up and made Robert do double-duty.

Cured him right quick, if I do say so myself!

[chris]

Ahhh!!!! You put that big soup pot on your nice granite counters? You're killing me. Go get a towel or something. I'll wait.

Cute kid, by the way.

Sincerely,

A Bit Anal-Retentive.

[Melissa]

Delurking to mention that our now-nine-year-old still puts himself to bed.

My small bit o' assvice is to GO WITH IT. While the too much sleep thing sucks, maybe just tweak it by getting him up after 15 minutes or that if he goes to his bed he can play there while he cools down.

Putting himself to bed like that is one of the several ways he's figured out how to calm himself down. The bed method begat the journal method (which doesn't always involve writing but the tearing up of the journal). The journal method begat the singing method (which involves loud, obnoxious singing that releases energy while drowing out anything a brother may or may not be screaming through the door). And so on.

The good news is that he learned fairly early how his emotions work for him. Now he can regain control by handling them the way he wants within a few of our guidelines (say, a no-you-can't-shred-your-blanket-in-anger rule).

Okay, take it or leave it. There it is.

And oh yes, the stockpot? To die for gorgeous. The baby boy? Scrumptious!

[Alexa]

I am also a fan of Tabasco Chipotle's ethereal smoky spiciness, and will be trying that sandwich recipe for lunch tomorrow. Patrick is, as many have said before me, absolutely delightful. Have you considered cloning him? For a price?

[labialady]

So you can get good help these days (and cute too!)

I hope I can find Tabasco Chipotle here. It sounds yum. I love big stockpots, I use mine to cook mussels in tomatoey, garlicky, soupy sauce..... mmm

[julia]

Your son is beautiful! Of course, he looks a lot like my son ;-) But really ...

[Brooklyn Girl]

Patrick sounds adorable, but man, that sandwich!

[L.E.]

Mmmmmm... sounds so good. I love, love, love cheese and J. loves, loves, loves Tabasco, so it looks like you've got my dinner tonight all wrapped up. off to the grocery store now!

[Christine]

Paul just told me this, and I don't know if it's true, but he tends to be full of useless information. He said that the chiles that go into tabasco sauce all come from one island and the industry is going to be seriously affected by the hurricane. Maybe stockpile.

[SusieJ]

Re: Time outs; OMG that was so funny. I had to read it out loud to my husband, but could barely make it through the paragraph. "Smack a cat upside the whiskers!" What beautiful phrasing.

Christine is correct. We did a tour of the Tobasco plant December 2003 when we were in NOLa. The peppers are grown in Louisiana and in one or two other areas. However, they are all bottled a few hours outside Louisiana on an island (name slips my memory) that is also a bird preserve. They *might* have backup bottling procedures. My husband and exchange student also love the chipotle.

--SJ

[elisabeth]

I am so coveting your pot. My Tim often asks who the hell I am cooking for, when I cook in quantity like that, but, it seems like chili (or soup) should always be prepared for the masses. Patrick is adorable, too, btw.

[Nicole]

Lovely kitchen; lovely pot; GORGEOUS kid! I love that he's pantsless--that's exactly how my 3-yr-old likes to be when he's "helping" in the kitchen. ("My legs were too hot.")
The yummiest thing in that kitchen looks to be Patrick.

[Peach]

Just wanted to add that my niece did that whole gets mad when she can't get the letter or number right and punishing herself thing when she was that age and is now 6 and STILL does it. She had a meltdown when she was visiting over the summer because she tied her shoes backwards - still tied, but somehow "backward." It was unnerving, to say the least. At 3, it was cute.. at 6, not so much. Hopefully, that is something she will grow out of SOON, because if she gets that upset everytime she doesn't get something right on the first try, we're going to have serious self-esteem/perfectionist isues ahead..

[Thalia]

Patrick does look delicious in that picture. I love the image of him putting himself in time out. Am now salivating for a sandwich.

[Amyesq]

Ahhh yes. Chipotle tabasco. My husband loves is so much he wants to name our next pet Chipotle. Sadly, I am not joking.

[Amyesq]

P.S. Hi. We have those knives, that same red wine and the identical pepper shaker. The only reason I know it isn't our house is that we have no cute little blond boys making mayhem. Unless you snuck in??

[angel]

Was it supposed to be that funny? Not that anything about timeouts, felinicide (really like that non-word) or animal abuse is funny… but I really giggled- I threw my head back so hard I gave myself a crick in the neck! Can you get whiplash from laughing? Damien HATES timeouts, it’s his absolute least favourite punishment if you know what I mean…?!

[Mandy]

I heard an interview on NPR with the owner of the McIlhenny Company, which makes Tabasco sauce. They are on Avery Island. He said they had some damage, naturally. The biggest problem will be finding out if all of their contractors are still in working order; for example, he said the company that makes their shipping boxes was severely damaged. Anyway, it may be a while before they are up and producing again, so stock up!

[Lori]

Patrick is so cute! My 2 year old daughter has recently been giving her dolls and friends time outs. Then she told me that she wanted a time out. I asked her what she had done. She said, "hit mommey." (that's why she gets most of the time outs...) I said, "you haven't hit me." then she came running and hit me.
the parenting books don't tell you what to do in this situation! I didn't give her a time out.

[e]

Have you tried back-writing with him? You trace the letter or number in the middle of his back, really big, with your finger, using the correct upward and downward strokes. Children can visualise the letter better, and it uses other brain pathways from the ones in the hands. It always worked for my children from 2 onwards.

[Karen]

I love that Tabasco sauce so much. And now I will love your recipe, as it has all my favorite things: bread, cheese, onion, tomato, super hot sauce. Chipotle is a pepper of the gods.

Have you tried "Pickapeppa" sauce? Not hot but mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmgood on an English muffin with laughing cow cheese and tomato. mmmmmmmmmm.

Your son-------perfection, btw.

[Planet Mom]

Drooling. Absolutely drooling here. That sandwich is TO DIE FOR. Sounds like lunch.

And the "He would walk over, smack a hapless cat upside its whiskers..." comment did just about kill me. OMG that was a hoot! One of my little hellions came running right over to the place where I was losing it and asked, "Mommy, what's so funny? Come on and read it to me, won't you?"

So I did. She then threw her head back and giggled uproariously--as expected.

You are now entertaining 4-year-olds with your witticism via the Internet. To hell with Sesame Street; you're WAY more amusing.