And The Cabots Speak Only To God

I slip out to Boston for, like, five seconds and what happens? Steve spectacularly fails in his parental responsibilities, that what happens. Namely: he neglected to keep Patrick safe from Disease and Contagion and now the poor little thing is so congested he can only breathe through his ears. Packy spent most of last night whimpering pitifully in my arms, his hands twisted in my hair and his wet, gross nose pressed somewhere near my right eyelid. I was vividly reminded all night long of my post-college vow to never, never again share a single bed.

Bleh. And, damn I am tired.

Boston was, um, what's that word that conveys a notion of having been thwarted at every turn and yet a great sense of hilarity prevailed? Well, that. It was that.

Cab drivers dropped us* miles from our expressed destination, leaving us shoeless (literally) and drowning (figuratively) in the pouring rain. Bartenders blithely asserted they had already rung last call... at 10:15. Waiters blew ass in every possible way but the good one. Doormen failed to open doors, secure cabs, or tell the truth when asked for the loan of an umbrella. In sum, le Service de Boston, it was poor. It was incredibly fucking poor. And, as our goal was to wallow in luxury for a couple of days, the bewildering and comprehensive suckitude of everything was keenly felt. We felt it keenly. We keened. 

On the plus side I have not laughed as hard as I did last weekend since that time in REI with the tiny boots, thirteen years ago. The company was magnificent (well I thought it was). Our mistake, we concluded, was ever leaving the safety of the suite and the warm glow of the collected bottles therein. Or, I suppose, our mistake was trusting people when we asked for directions or when we instructed a cab driver to take us to 123 Main Street and only discovered after he had zoomed away that he had actually opted to leave us at the intersection of Atlantis and Hell. I am sure I am not the first person to say this, but next vacation we are definitely going to Delaware.

Now I have to go bathe in carbolic before Patrick wakes up and covers me in germs - again. Back, you know, later.     

*I am quite certain that I did not obtain her express written consent to go blabbing all her business (which I am remarkably prone to do) but I have the vague impression that I did secure her implied oral consent so... yes... Julie and I battled Boston together. She was the one in the pink flip-flops. Boston won. 

Comments

[Tager]

hey remember when we went to Rehoboth DE and you punched me right in the mouth. quick feint, solid right, quality entertainment.

also, re. the boston rain: If you recollect, we are now in Autumn - season of mists and mellow fruitfulness.

finally, have you tried a good OR pinot as a cold antidote? we find them bracing in the face of a mucus deluge from this one.

[Sheridan]

Welcome back! I missed you! No wonder it was quiet in blogland with the two of you holed up in some posh hotel together. Tertia 'says' she's been on a course. Any chance she was there too?

[thalia]

Sounds like a laugh riot. Particularly the combination of the pouring rain and the pink flip flops. I'm glad the laughter was so present and so therapeutic!

[Lala]

I thought it was I who brought the rain to Boston because it followed me all the way down from Ottawa. btw-things were better in the burbs. Sorry it sucked.

[Heather]

Well if you go to Wilmington, DE next time as opposed to the beaches, let me know. The people are way nice here and there are lots of great places to go, especially if you take a train to Philadelphia, my real hometown.

[Cat]

I was reading this this morning & was hoping that it wasn't you & Julie doing a little skinny-dipping... I don't know how to "link" things, sorry for using so much space....

Updated: 09:26 AM EDT
Garciaparra Rescues Two Women in Boston Harbor
All-Star Shortstop Dives Into Water After Pair Falls From Pier

BOSTON (Oct. 11) - Former Red Sox shortstop Nomar Garciaparra rescued two women who had fallen into Boston Harbor late last week, his uncle and a witness told the Boston Herald.

ZUMA Press
Nomar Garciaparra, traded from Boston to the Chicago Cubs in 2004, was with his uncle when they heard a scream and a splash.

Garciaparra, traded to the Chicago Cubs on July 31, 2004, was with his uncle in his Charlestown condominium at about 10PM ET Friday when they heard a scream and a splash, said the uncle, Victor Garciaparra.

As soon as the All-Star shortstop and two-time American League batting champ ran out the door to help the woman, her friend also fell in, hitting her head on the pier, said Victor Garciaparra, who oversees his nephew's business and charitable ventures.

Victor Garciaparra jumped from the balcony to the water 20 feet below.

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"I swam towards them and by the time I reached them, Nomar was already there holding the girls up," he told the newspaper. "But he couldn't get them up without help."

One woman had a large lump on her head and appeared to be unconscious, he said. When she came to, the first thing she said was: "Are you Nomar?" Victor Garciaparra said.

The two men pulled the women from the water. Their husbands arrived and whisked them off to the hospital before the Garciaparras even got their names, he said.

Johnny O'Hara of Natick witnessed the incident from his boat.

"A bunch of us came running over and sure enough, pulling the two girls from the water was Nomar," he told the newspaper. "It was crazy. Nomar was like jumping over walls to get to the girls and the other guy leaped off the balcony. It was unbelievable."

Nomar Garciaparra was unavailable for comment, his uncle said.

10/12/05 02:20 EDT

[Scully]

I hate when vacations aren't as good as you want them to be.

Come to Canada next time.

[Amy]

Oh, that's too bad it was crappy. It's funny; the whole time I lived there I couldn't wait to get out to the country. Now that I'm in the country, I have this greater fondness for Boston than I ever had while I was there. The whole time I was reading both of your accounts of this fiasco, I was thinking, "They just need to give Boston another chance! It's a great city, really!"

[RachelH]

So THAT's what happened to you. Take congesto-boy into the bathroom, turn the shower on full blast as hot as it will go, and sit on the toilet with him on your lap for as long as you can take it. I mostly use this with babies, but he sounds like he's regressed a wee bit and it'll clear him out a little (three-year-olds not being all that great at blowing their noses). And while your hair will look like shit, this will do wonders for your pores so that when you finally do succumb you will at least make a good-looking corpse. Ha ha haaaa...

[Cecily]

I'll tell you what I told Julie--you guys have to come to my city next. No problems getting drunk here.

[bihari]

You didn't actually go to Boston expecting good service, did you? You were just kind of hoping against hope, right? I'm from Boston, I love Boston, I pine for it now that I live in the Midwest...but it really is the rudest fucking city on the planet. And they drive better in Delhi than they do on the Mass Pike.

[Amy]

Hmm. Just what, exactly, have you got against Delaware?

[Rayne of Terror]

I love the idea of Julie and Julia being pulled from the water by Nomar Garciaparra! No wonder Julia didn't want to talk about baseball.

And I'm a semi-regular reader and I don't know what MTHFR is. Monday Thursday Friday disorder?

Go White Sox.

[Denise]

Excuse me. You mean you actually got a cab in Boston? Then what the hell are you complaining about, missy?

How did you do it? I hear you can flag them down, or even call the cab company and they will show up, but I've never actually experienced it.

I take that lie back...I did get a cab in Cambridge once. The guy told me he didn't know where North Station was (one of two major train stations, and site of a huge sports arena to boot).

[Menita]

Agree with Cecily. Here's where it's AT!

[Amber]

at least the company was good...and Boston just got crossed off my list of places to visit.

[Judy]

What did you expect from the home of the Red Sox?

[Susan/holdingpattern]

Ahh, Boston. Grew up there, moved to California, and now i hate to even visit.

[victoria]

I get it, I finally get it. The "J'ai failli attendre" title is sort of a pun. It means "I failed to wait," but "faillir" is also the word for miscarry, it also hints at the miscarriage.

You SHOULD have taken that miscarriage for credit; you definitely would have gotten high marks for it.

[nate]

So sorry Boston wasn't all you'd hoped. Hmm. I don't remember ever trying to hail a cab in Boston--but then again I was a grad student & thought nothing of taking the T everywhere.

New shoes + cobblestones are a BAD combination.

On the other hand, I used interlibrary loan to get Cover & Bake & am now perusing it, instead of my work, eagerly awaiting when I can get home & plan the coming casseroles. Mmm...food porn...

[Emily]

Sorry to ask this on your blog but unless I'm mistaken you're friends with Julie. I was wondering what the deal is with her blog? www.alittlepregnant.com now takes you to a domain name page and not her site. Do you know if this is permanent or just a defect? It makes me sad not to be able to read her posts every day. Thanks, Emily

[Karen]

So funny, because months ago I remember reading Julie's archives about the trip from hell to Boston. And when you mentioned Boston, I thought, hrm... could this be the fateful trip to Boston I remember so fondly?

Indeed.

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