Say Rambol

I am deeply ashamed to admit that I put gel in Patrick's hair today.

"Did you just pour water on my head?" he asked, incredulous.

"Yes."

"What is THAT?"

"Hair gel. Hold still."

"HAIRBRUSH TOO?"

"Uh-huh. Stop wiggling."

Which is why Patrick and I engaged in a complicated tango de la muerte on my bed this morning. I am still flushed from the exertion of plastering down those spiky chunks at the back and I am fairly certain that a cat sustained a collateral gelling in the process. But, and this was the point, for at least fifteen minutes Patrick no longer looked uncannily like the Statue of Liberty (you know, that statue with the dictionary) and I glowed with satisfaction.

Satisfaction mingled, of course, with shame (great shame) because my motives for trying to momentarily humanize Patrick are so very base. The preschool (that is rapidly becoming my personal Moriarty) sent notification that they would be having a class picture today and I struggled mightily with this news. On the one hand, yes, Patrick is long overdue for a haircut and I was planning on taking him for one sometime between now and Thanksgiving anyway, so I certainly could have done it this week. But my rebel heart continues to be too cool for school and I was afraid that the new haircut would look so obvious. Like I care. Picture Day? I scoff. I am too busy rocking to care about pictures, man. Then this morning rolled in and my little hedgehog slumped about so very overgrown and untidy and... and I cared.    

Ergo the spontaneous baptism followed by copious amounts of Be Straight.

And in case you were wondering, no, I have never brushed Patrick's hair in his life. And yes, he usually looks like the littlest hobo, what with his consignment store clothes (good money on clothes for a child that rolls in dirt and grows exponentially every month? I think not) and filthy sneakers. What, exactly, is it you people think I would do with a daughter? Teach her to read?

At least he smelled good.

Comments

[Chookooloonks]

Tell me that you at least arranged his hair in some sort of sculptural wonder. Please. You made the gel COUNT, right?

[Planet Mom]

Without a doubt you just experienced what many term as "Picture Day Hell." (Although you did, in fact, survive by eventually managing to wrestle Patrick's hair into a presentable state. Bully for you!) I haven't always been so fortunate--on Picture Day or any day.

Let's just say that one of my 4-year-old cherubs has rather UNRULY locks that can't seem to decide where or how to lay--EVER. Nor does the cherub always cooperate. Ha! Imagine that!

One morning I was informed that "...dragons don't get their hair brushed." (See my blog post "Dungeons & Dragons" for a chuckle). No doubt, that day ranked right up there with "Picture Day Hell."

Glad you made it through relatively unscathed. Let's hear it for hair gel!

[MFA Mama]

Um, okay, you want to feel better? My oldest has three (count them, THREE) cowlicks on his head. One on each side of the top/back of his head, and one RIGHT ON THE HAIRLINE IN FRONT. Plus his hair is very stiff and bushy anyway. No amount of gel, or brushing, or crying to heaven will ever make his hair look okay. Ever. And last time the preschool took pictures I was hugely pregnant and spaced, so the class picture features a bunch of scrubbed and polished little kids in dress casual, and my son in a Spongebob tee and stained sweatpants (also BADLY in need of a haircut). You'll look back on the pictures in twenty years and love them (I won't, though, that's for damn sure).

[catizhere]

Today is Picture Day at Maggie's school too. Thankfully they take Toddler 1 & 2 first...so her ponytails *should* still be in & (hopefully) she won't have spilled yogurt all over the front of her sweater...

[cheryl b.]

I use got to be glued on Xavier's hair, of course he has a mohawk so......

[genie]

I used hairspray and I love the consignment store. Rock on.

[reenie]

On picture day when I was in kindergarten my mom curled my long hair and sent me to school with a rat-tail comb so the picture-taker could make sure my lustrous hair was beootiful. I took that comb and managed to tangle my hair all the way to the scalp. The teacher couldn't get it out and neither could the picture-taker. I went home that day with a comb stuck in my hair. I just wanted it to be curlier. I don't recall if they took my picture or not.

[jody]

LOL!

My youngest son has a head of curly hair, and I love it longish. He attends Catholic school, and we were pushing the rules a bit with his hair. We were finally informed that Quinn needed a haircut, but passive aggressive me waited 3 more weeks to finally get it. His school pictures are of him and his long curls.

Matrix Biolage works wonders on a kiddos crazy bedhead hair.

[kate]

reminds me of the old calvin and hobbes cartoon when it was picture day and calvin kept doing weird things with his hair/face. classic little boy behavior!

[Scully]

My son's hair still stands up in the back and he despises gel.

But I adore you for not giving into the "I care about what other people think" gods. Well, you almost didn't cave.

[Lala]

In my world the kid tells me the day AFTER the pictures were taken. Resulting in great shots!

[Anne Glamore]

I never brushed any of my boys' hair either, until one of the teachers at school gently suggested it would be a good idea. She even told me where to go buy a spray bottle for water.

i wasn't embarrassed so much as I was mad I'd been caught.

[Mel]

Last picture day, I got a call from the school--my son spilled a whole carton of chocolate milk on his shirt.

At least his hair looked all right, because I use this stuff: http://www.medshopexpress.com/128662.html and it works. It's a miracle, really.

[DebbieS]

Yes!! I knew someone would reference Calvin and Hobbes! That's the one where he asks his mom for Crisco on School Picture Day. Hey, it's probably cheaper than hair gel, and comes in butter flavor, too ;) Thanks for the Patrick update!

[DD]

Max goes into a tizzy when I towel-rub his hair dry because it MESSSES his hair up. He's 3, also. I'm trying to figure out the logic of his hair obsession when the kid can lick, lick and lick his lips after eating chocolate creating a goatee appearance and not give it a thought. Weird.

[Jack's Raging Mommy]

Pictures! Must have pictures! It really is too bad the struggle itself couldn't ahve been documented as well.

[Andrea]

We just had picture day, too. Ugh. My kid wore a dress that looks like wallpaper from 1982 and tights with holes in a contrasting print. I hope they got cut out of the photo. I had to beg her teacher to fix her hair.

If you had a girl, she would perhaps be like mine, who has beautiful long hair that I am not allowed to brush. Once a week or so, I am permitted to install a ponytail, as long as I don't use a comb. Luckily, the teachers at her overpriced daycare are allowed to style her, and take pity on me a couple of times a week, combing it out, making braids (I don't even know how), fancy parts, Princess-like up-dos...

But I too believe firmly in thrift-store and hand-me down clothing for the small, grubby and fast-growing. I have a pretty good eye and it would all work out, except the 3 yr old fashion plate chooses the rattiest garments in the drawer and mixes colors and patterns and layers with zest and vigor. So we have kind of a toddler-homeless person chic going on here. Seems like the other other moms at daycare go more for the perfectly coordinated and ironed Osh Kosh, Gymboree, Gap, Hanna Anderssons with matching accessories. I think they wonder about our financial solvency and my vision.

[Emily]

Its ok. My brother chose to wear clothing to school as a child that made him very closely resemble a mini Orville Redenbacher and she never did anything about it except maybe laugh. So there he is in his school picture, button-down short-sleeved shirt and bow tie. You can't see his briefcase, but it is no doubt at his feet as he would not go anywhere without it.

And the moral of the story is: He turned out just fine.

[Emily]

Uh... the "she" I was referring to is obviously my mother. Sorry. Classic editing mistake.

[Amy]

OK, the line "too busy rocking..." totally made me think of that Cheap Trick song, which I will now forever associate with you & Steve:

When I woke up, Mom and Dad are rolling on the couch.
Rolling numbers, rock and rolling,
Got my Kiss records out.
Mommy's allright ...

[CursingMama]

Picture Day is up there on the list of dreaded school requirements, not as bad as "Open House!" or "Parents Day!" (which aren't those interfreakin' changable). I usually remember the night before and have to make emergency runs to the cheap hair cuts place and T@rget (because there are no clean grandparent appropriate clothes).

[maddy]

well - smell counts for a lot ya know ;-)

[Julie]

"At least he smelled good."

If you were a better mother, you'd know they now have scratch 'n' sniff school pictures. You're doomed, my friend. Doomed.

[lisa]

growing up, we had uniforms. I never had to worry about clothes, and we had hair rules, the girls had to have their hair combed and down, or in a 1/2 ponytail. Nothing cute. (for picture day, the rest of the days we could do more)I entered college and didnt know WHAT to wear!

[elisabeth]

I have nothing to add to Pic Day discussion, I hate it. I'm commenting to say....I made your lentil soup and it IS great and it IS easy! (I know,you said that) but really folks, good stuff! I'll be trying the corn & chicken soup next. I love soup making weather...Thanks!

[KJ]

Re: 4-y-o boys: You're supposed to comb their hair?

I did get a little girl, for #2. She likes to bring me hiarclips, which I diligently install in her sparse, 17-month-old hair, and then shi immediately tugs them out, gives them back to me and waits for me to put them back in. Repeat, repeat, repeat. I have no idea how long it would take her to get tired of this activity. Longer than me.

But if Sam puts them in, she lets them stay.

[Belinda]

Oh, my gosh, I love you. You have finally provided me with a phrase that expresses the frustration of preparing a resistant child for the day ahead. "Tango de la Muerte." HA!

And it's so much more poetic than my previous description, "wrasslin' a greased, rabid badger with 14 elbows."

[Rhonda]

Relevant picture-day confession: For my daughter's age 2 preschool picture, I didn't know it was picture day until the night before. and her hair was in desperate need of cutting, with bangs to below the eyebrows. I sent her in a gorgeous dress, but I was so ashamed that I hadn't cut her hair that I never showed those pictures to a soul--not even the grandparents.

The past few years she has OK hair for picture day, but she consistently refuses to get dressed up. Oh well.

I was thinking of Patrick the other day! I was at our local LUSH store (Oh how I love LUSH) and they have a new bath bomb that was made for Patrick: It's called Letters to Santa and contains candy letters. I bought one but haven't tried it yet. I'll let you know.

[leslie]

Last year's picture day my then 12 year old daughter pulled a calvin face. The company her school uses now sends proofs and allows a re-take. So I got a call from the school and in between snickers they allowed that I might want to schedule one. We did, but I noticed that the school kept several of the demented face one and so did we - so much more character than the usual half smile they ask for! My son has begged to do the calvin hair gel look for picture day too.

[Denise]

Ok, I think I need to join a therapy group or something. I love picture day. It's finally my turn to revenge a wrong.

My mother would force me to wear some of the most hideous dresses known to man and then years later she covers it with "It was in fashion then"... which is followed with "Mom, THAT was NEVER in fashion even when my sisters... all 3 of them (the oldest is 14 years older than me) wore it and Mom... what about the hair?" The hair was beyond awful!! She would torture me the night before by putting pin curls in my hair and sticking my head with hundreds of bobby pins... and I would have loved hair gel back then... it was moms saliva.. yep she'd lick her hand to stick that hair down in place. And then that moment was caught in time forever the next day. Seriously, you should SEE these pictures. Perfectly, perfectly awful!

So my poor daughter now goes with a cute little outfit choosen by mommy dearest and sits still while I do my best to style her hair in some sort of cute little way. I'm trying to change the pattern, I want her to look at the school pictures and smile at how cute she was... not cringe with the horror! Plus she loves to have her picture taken so it makes the entire process so much easier.

Let us know how Patricks pictures turn out! Good luck!!!

[Denise]

Ok, I think I need to join a therapy group or something. I love picture day. It's finally my turn to revenge a wrong.

My mother would force me to wear some of the most hideous dresses known to man and then years later she covers it with "It was in fashion then"... which is followed with "Mom, THAT was NEVER in fashion even when my sisters... all 3 of them (the oldest is 14 years older than me) wore it and Mom... what about the hair?" The hair was beyond awful!! She would torture me the night before by putting pin curls in my hair and sticking my head with hundreds of bobby pins... and I would have loved hair gel back then... it was moms saliva.. yep she'd lick her hand to stick that hair down in place. And then that moment was caught in time forever the next day. Seriously, you should SEE these pictures. Perfectly, perfectly awful!

So my poor daughter now goes with a cute little outfit choosen by mommy dearest and sits still while I do my best to style her hair in some sort of cute little way. I'm trying to change the pattern, I want her to look at the school pictures and smile at how cute she was... not cringe with the horror! Plus she loves to have her picture taken so it makes the entire process so much easier.

Let us know how Patricks pictures turn out! Good luck!!!

[Denise]

Ok, I think I need to join a therapy group or something. I love picture day. It's finally my turn to revenge a wrong.

My mother would force me to wear some of the most hideous dresses known to man and then years later she covers it with "It was in fashion then"... which is followed with "Mom, THAT was NEVER in fashion even when my sisters... all 3 of them (the oldest is 14 years older than me) wore it and Mom... what about the hair?" The hair was beyond awful!! She would torture me the night before by putting pin curls in my hair and sticking my head with hundreds of bobby pins... and I would have loved hair gel back then... it was moms saliva.. yep she'd lick her hand to stick that hair down in place. And then that moment was caught in time forever the next day. Seriously, you should SEE these pictures. Perfectly, perfectly awful!

So my poor daughter now goes with a cute little outfit choosen by mommy dearest and sits still while I do my best to style her hair in some sort of cute little way. I'm trying to change the pattern, I want her to look at the school pictures and smile at how cute she was... not cringe with the horror! Plus she loves to have her picture taken so it makes the entire process so much easier.

Let us know how Patricks pictures turn out! Good luck!!!

[Denise]

Ok, I think I need to join a therapy group or something. I love picture day. It's finally my turn to revenge a wrong.

My mother would force me to wear some of the most hideous dresses known to man and then years later she covers it with "It was in fashion then"... which is followed with "Mom, THAT was NEVER in fashion even when my sisters... all 3 of them (the oldest is 14 years older than me) wore it and Mom... what about the hair?" The hair was beyond awful!! She would torture me the night before by putting pin curls in my hair and sticking my head with hundreds of bobby pins... and I would have loved hair gel back then... it was moms saliva.. yep she'd lick her hand to stick that hair down in place. And then that moment was caught in time forever the next day. Seriously, you should SEE these pictures. Perfectly, perfectly awful!

So my poor daughter now goes with a cute little outfit choosen by mommy dearest and sits still while I do my best to style her hair in some sort of cute little way. I'm trying to change the pattern, I want her to look at the school pictures and smile at how cute she was... not cringe with the horror! Plus she loves to have her picture taken so it makes the entire process so much easier.

Let us know how Patricks pictures turn out! Good luck!!!

[JK]

When we had picture day, my 3 year old girl was in need of a haircut too. I only found out about picture day the day before (bad mom me) so I grabbed the scissors and trimmed the bangs. Girls are easy that way.

[MFA Mama]

Um...when are you going to belabor Thanksgiving?

[Nancy]

I remember standing in front of my closet in middle schoool wondering what outfit said, "yeah this looks pretty awesome, but I wear it all.the.time. and totally forgot it was picture day because, dude, I am not a girl who gets hot and bothered over PICTURE day." And that's why my parents still have a photo of me on the bookshelf, age 13, in a maroon mock turtleneck with a gold zig-zag across the chest (good lord) and the most hideous oversized gold hoop earrings I had to sneak into my backpack because my mom told me they were too tacky. What did she know? Oh right.

I'm sure Patrick looked lovely. HAIRBRUSH TOO? I love it.