Nasty Blog II

I am feeling uncomfortable and I really hate feeling uncomfortable. Every single time I interest myself in these online dramas I always end up feeling crummy. You would think that I could learn....

I have been guilty of a factual error and I am compelled to correct it, despite the fact that I have a burning desire to never write about any of this again.

This morning I actually read the blog I wrote about yesterday (I had previously just seen the offending text) and I discovered that "secret" was a serious misnomer on my part. "Brazen but private" would have been more accurate. She stated with absolute candor that she wanted to write mean things about other bloggers and then she went to some lengths to limit who was able to see those mean things. Fair enough, I guess. Carry on.

In sum: It has occurred to me that the much lauded Freedom to Read principle is a double-edged sword. While I encourage people who are sick of misinterpreting my posts about Patrick to simply not read my blog (it is quite easy, really. first you must decide to not read me first thing in the morning. then you move on to dropping the after-lunch hippogriffs blog read. gradually you will taper off  throughout the day [perhaps by substituting chewing gum or tobacco] and after a few weeks you will discover that you are entirely Julia-free and feeling half your age) I also understand that I have the option to not read comments on other blogs about how much people dislike me.

To be honest, I cannot imagine myself sitting down to write nasty things about other bloggers in a quasi-public forum. I would HATE myself afterward and I prefer to spend my leisure time in constructive and benign ways (reading to the blind, rescuing stray kittens, studying the laws of thermodynamics, etc.) That said, to each her own. Vade in pace.

Oh, and here is the damned link to the public blog. The Big Bad Blog Awards are what I have been referring to. Enjoy the snark if you are in the mood for that sort of thing. If you are feeling more saintly may I suggest the delightful works of EF Benson?

I feel better. Now let us never speak of it again.    

Comments

[Contrary]

While I am in no way a 'big' enough blogger to get any attention (snarky or otherwise) from anyone but my family, I do hate to see that kind of thing.

I can only surmise that anyone who has the time to rip apart someone else's online ramblings rather than produce something worth reading all on their own doesn't have much of a life.

It's like my mother always said when one of us was picked on or bullied 'Just feel sorry for them, baby, they weren't raised right'

[andrea]

Any blog written with a comment section that reads: Say it bitch
....pretty much sums it up don't you think.

a.

[MelanieTM]

The thing I can't stomach is this: she actually feels personally attacked by the people she is now attacking. This is some sort of revenge for her. Because apparently, it's all about her. All the time. I've commented to her a few times about her propensity to take EVERYTHING personally and she always seems to calm down and basically say 'yeah, you're right'. But now, I don't believe she heard a word I said.

I completely agree with Contrary above, I do feel sorry for her. It must be hell to feel like everyone is out to get you ALL THE TIME and then to feel like you have to lash out to protect yourself and make yourself feel better.

[cai]

Ew. I think you've found some kind of wormhole into the land of trolls.

Nice mouth on her. Wowza.

I will say this - there's a blog out there by someone who made my REAL LIFE living hell, and it's been the hardest thing in the world not to read it. Why? It's just the temptation of wanting to keep track of someone who so obviously kept track of me at one time - by my blog, which I didn't know she knew about. All that to say, I understand Julia's urge to read that nasty, bad karma generating (really, think about it, do you want her karma?) blog.

But -it's not worth it. So, I'm with Julia - I'll be staying away.

[Ariella]

Well, I tried to register to see the snarky entries, but of course they're blocked even to people who are blocked. I tried to trackback to your first entry to say what I thought about this whole thing, but I don't know how to trackback appropriately so it didn't work.

Anyway, I hope you end up reading what I wrote and that it makes you feel a little bit better.

[Brandee]

Yeah, when people were talking about it being "super secret" I was a little confused. The Aitch was truly right up front with her intentions.

I'm really sorry your feelings were hurt.

[Melissa]

Hiya. I've been reading your diary/blog since you were with iparenting. Yes, I am that loyal. Anyway, I feel towards you the way I feel towards other authors. I enjoy your writing. Your style and content speak to me very clearly. You entertain me. The point I want to make is that since I have been reading you for such a looooong time, I can sense your tone through your posts. I think that some people read your entries out of the context of knowing your "earlier work" and just don't get it. I get it. I think. Whatever. I don't think evil thoughts about you after reading anything that you choose to share!! I like to think that if I knew you in real life we would get drunk on really good wine and make fun of our husbands...and maybe bake something.

[Cat, Galloping]

Now I actually feel nauseated. How extremely bizarre that everyone over there thinks that the *reason* it's okay is because it was supposed to be private when actually anyone could register.

[Leggy]

Ugh- I'm sorry. Curiosity got the better of me after reading both your posts and Karen's as to what the hell was being talked about. But really, don't people have better things to do with their time than make fun of others? I just don't get it- its all so unnecessary.

[Megan]

Jealousy! She's just jealous. She has a right to her opinion, of course. But why the heck should you or anyone else care? Try to remember that. It's just not worth your time.

[janice]

I didn't try to register to read the relevant comments, but having a quick browse on that link was enough to make me not want to go back for more. "Dig in, mothafuckas" is such a charming way to invite other partygoers to sample appetizers at the recent Superbowl party.

Its like a bad car wreck - you know you shouldn't look, yet you can't look away. Don't give her a second glance! You won't miss anything remotely interesting or witty.

[wix]

writing with proper spelling, grammar, syntax, cogency, and, lest we forget, with something compelling to say is the best revenge.

[Sonetka]

Shameless rubbernecker here - I tried to register just to see the mess firsthand, but of course that function isn't working anymore. Based on the public site, I can make a few guesses as to what was happening - 7th grade, basically. I'd have less disgust for the ladies involved if they said "Yes, we were bitching about you, what of it?" instead of whining about how "We didn't expect anyone to SEEEEE it, it's your own fault for feeling bad!"

On the other hand, I'm feeling much better about the way I use my time. Compared to slagging on other people's blogs in the middle school cafeteria, Tetris is positively productive.

[Bec and Charlotte]

Oh heavens to betsy lordy wordy me!!!

What a delightful creature that one is.

It takes all sorts to make the world go round and man oh man that one is all sorts!!

Do you know I have now been following you too since the IParenting days - where has the time gone! Charlotte started school last week (we start school in Feb here in Australia) and is having such a ball, it truly does seem like yesterday that my 5,000,001 pregnancy test came back positive!

[margalit]

I went over to rubberneck and as SOON as I saw who it was, I just knew what was being said. Check our her links and it explains the whole thing. There is this 'delightful' group of bloggers, quite a few of them on her blogroll, who delight in this kind of behavior. They talk like they are fresh out of Comptom, they refer to themselves as "ho's", they delight in being as bitchy and mean and disgusting as they can, all in the name of ultracoolness. But they're not cool, they are mean mean people who have something horribly wrong with them that they enjoy tearing apart other people. I know where a lot of them post in a forum (also private, but not too hard to find) and this kind of stuff goes on 24/7. The Aitch is the blog designer they all use, of course. The whole thing makes me physically nauseated. I don't get it, but then again, I'm a bit more confident about my ability to parent after 13 years of experience. I don't see the need to dump on other people who choose to do things differently.

Julia, you gotta move on. These women are never going to grow up. They use their San Francisco and Portland smugness as the basis for being the coolest, bitchiest moms on the web, and they snark for fun and mutual admiration. Stay far away.

[Y]

Oh man.

So, I've recieved two emails today asking me if I had the password to the private blog in which shit is talked about other bloggers.

I had NO idea what these people were talking about.

Now, I read this and I'm like HOLY SHIT. My name is on the linklist, so people are assuming I'm a part of it and that I have the password.

I am not and I do not. That kind of stuff makes me sick, actually. I just don't understand why it's necessary. ugh.

[Y]

Ok, I posted my comment without even READING margalit's comment and I want to say that not EVERYONE on her linklist is part of that. I actually had NO idea. And was only made aware of it by the emails I've recieved asking me FOR the password. Which, again, I DO NOT HAVE NOR DO I WANT.

[anna v]

You just have to rise above it in the end. I don't get it why people would post this stuff and feel OK about themselves but it happens.

I recently had several someones in an anonymous forum let me know that they thought I was full of shit and a liar. All I could think was that I had been totally consistent for over 5 years with what I had posted about my children.

People suck at times.

[Emily]

Julia, I went to that nasty blogger's site and she really is horrible. Ohmygod, she is such a nasty ghetto woman...plus she's a heffer. Anyway, I hope that McDonald's worker spat in her food.

[MelanieinOrygun]

Welp, I'm from Portland, and I am neither smug nor bitchy... well, maybe a little bitchy. And I am only smug when I win the lottery, which is never, so...
ANYWAY, I digress. I agree that whoever this person is probably suffers from severe self-esteem problems and therefore is beneath meriting your attention. Several righteous woman bloggers have been getting negative attention from the trolls recently and there is nothing to do for that except ignore 'em. They add nothing of value to your life, so let 'em swelter in their own hate and forget that they exist.

[Amber]

Thanks for the link. Had to see that for myself. Classy. Really classy. Somebody's Mom is just so proud.

Please, Lord, do not let my child grow up to be rude, ignorant, and meanspirited. Help me raise a happy & healthy child.

Hi Julia,
I just wanted to say that I hope you don't let this small group of women get you down. There are SO many more of us who love your writing and think you seem like a wonderful person. I haven't seen what was written, but I am sure it is awful by just reading the bitchiness of the instigator. Reflects so badly on them and not you. People get jealous, you have many good things going for you and I guess that annoys them. Luckily it sounds like not many people can even read their garbage.
Take care,
Amy in PDX

[Carrie]

She writes in one of her recent entries: "I have come to the realization that I am rat. A stooly, a tattle-tell, a narc if you will. And, I don’t even mind. I like being a rat, my whole family is rats and Littles is going to grow up and be a rat too!"

Way to raise your daughter, you miserable loser. So she can grow up and be as mean-spirited and miserable as you are.

She reminds me of every snotty girl I went to high school with - only she doesn't have the looks to back it up!

[Chookooloonks]

Cai's comment:

"Ew. I think you've found some kind of wormhole into the land of trolls."

Now THAT's funny.

K.

[MFA Mama]

I turned my back to have a vomiting virus for one day and the Internet exploded. I actually did go to look at the site in question but it wouldn't let me in. Now I'm glad. I have no tolerance for mean these days, NONE (except toward my SIL, but hey) and have been emailing people left and right saying "wow, you rock, I hope your feelings weren't hurt because I saw in a comment somewhere where somebody said..." because I just want everyone to feel better. Most of all my Husband, who is in the other room being ostentatiously ill. Ugh. Play to the ones you want to listen, my dear, and never mind the rabble who just bought a ticket to get in out of the cold.

[Emma]

I don't have a blog (I just read them) and I don't know anything about the technology, but if you can do this I would:

1. block her access to your site or don't let her comment.
2. Do the same to anyone who commented meanly on her blog.
3. ask her to remove the link to your site which is on her webpage (strange if she hates you so much)

I think freezing her out will kill her since she obviously is dying to be one of the cool girls. which you are.

[gretchen]

Julia,
I visited the site in question out of curiosity. All that I can say is CONSIDER THE SOURCE!

[Dana]

good grief. I think I'd be more concerned if I was on her GOOD side.

Yick!

[lindsay]

uhm, yup to all the above. women who refer to themselves as bitches and hos = some type of image problem. and plain bad manners. just observing.

[christie]

Man, I write a semi-snotty comment about the lovely angel of mercy who is causing all this and not only do I get called to Principal Julia's office, but she sends a note home with me telling my parents what I've done.... And then, and then, and then, I go to bed and when I get up not only has Julia caved (HA! High road my ass young lady!) and revealed the thug but there's all kinds of semi-ugly stuff here that's uglier than my semi-ugly stuff ever thought of being...but the principal didn't call all y'all parents.... I feel SOOO picked on, so abused, I do believe I am hurt to the very core of my being...well okay, maybe not.

I don't understand why "she" choses to be so miserable and ugly, but 'tis indeed her right I guess...but intentionally making your child like that? That's just sick. She's simply setting the poor kid up for a life of misery and unhappiness, on purpose. Quick question to the mom's, don't you spend your entire life doing everything in the world you possibly can to have your child grow up into a happy well adjusted adult (even if it means pissing them the hell off right now)? I just don't understand.

And let me say, even though Principal Julia deleted my slightly ugly comment, she was classy about it, and damn that just makes me really want to dislike you, but ::sigh::, I just can't seem to. You're too stinking funny not to love.

[melissaS]

The Internet is having it's period.

Next week will be better.

[Al]

and they let women like this procreate??? Sorry if that sounds a bit bitchy but hell she is a cow of the first order. I feel sorry for her child

[sweetcoalminer]

Some people's worlds are very small. Don't every stop writing. I love reading about you, steve and the very smart and talented Ficky.

[Julia S]

Oh god it is TRUE, TRUUUUUUUUUUE! I forgot about all that goodwill I was feeling yesterday. I even sent Aitch an email saying I was sorry about meddling in her crappy private blog for jerks (well, it is true, I am. she said "You don't want to read this" and we somehow read it and then we got pissed at her about it. is this strictly fair? would St. Francis of Assisi have gotten snide?) She pointedly ignored the email so I am guessing my apology was returned unopened. Anyway, Christie left a rather pungent comment about Aitch here yesterday while I was bathing in the milk of human k. and I quite sanctimoniously removed it as I hummed hymns and talked about High Roads.

I guess I abandonned the high road. The high road gave me vertigo. I missed the bugs and the low country cooking.

So Christie I am sorry. I gave up my attempt to keep things shiny. I am putting the aggressive back in passive-aggressive. Who am I to try to keep things vaguely nice?

[Menita]

You know, the trouble with democracy is we have to put up with stuff we don't like. Often, people who say or do nasty things have a problem or something not going quite right in their lives, and if you have read Aitch's blog for the past few months that is pretty evident.
I am not defending the snark, but I will stand by anyone's right to snark.
Just as I will stand by anyone's right to react to the snark in any way they see fit.

HOWEVER. I do think a line was crossed in criticizing other people's kids. I mean, that's sacred stuff. I wrote to Aitch about all of this and said pretty much the same thing: we all have a right to express ourselves any way we want, and we all have, as well, a right to interpret and react any way we want to what is written about us.
But our kids? Oh, that's not good, not good at all. They are truly innocent in all of this, they are what is most precious, and they should be left well out of it.

[Karen/Naked Ovary]

I'm so glad you changed roads. I'm getting SICK of the high road. The only reason I haven't taken it is because I don't want to take up the space on my blog.

[Toni]

She is a cow. And not just b/c of her size...but her intensions of 'eating' someone else's blog and then throwing it up in her blog - just to eat it again...it's just sick.

I kind of want to do what Lady Heather did on CSI on Thursday...hmmm...don't own a whip though. Anyone got one I can borrow?? Promise to return it clean :)

[Arwen]

I like Melissa's take. The Internet is having its period; hopefully all will be well again next week.

[Carrie]

I am so glad I am not popular enough to garner that sort of attention. I didn't read far enough in to see what she said about you because I was disgusted by the first few entries that I skimmed. I'm with the others--she's jealous of you and just a nasty, nasty human being. I feel sick to my stomach after just skimming her site.

[christie]

Ah, the high road, I took a trip there once, long long ago...sometimes the low road is just SO much more fun. Glad you're back down slum'n with us again :)

Low road does not equal sleazy...you have to make extra special effort to be sleazy.

[tracy]

Oh, okay. Makes sense now. I've had a problem with her ever since she'd write one entry talking about what a sham her marriage is and what a loser her husband is, and then the next day's entry would be about how she's trying to get pregnant again. Cause that's just fucked up. I haven't read her since she changed addresses and no one bothered to update their links to her. Shows what a vital member of the community she is. Hee.

[melina]

Oh, Julia.... It is so problematic that I read blogs instead of doing yoga or meditation, but I always come and read you because your astonishing attitude is like a little spiritual chiropractic adjustment. Even on the low road, you have such grace.