Sicker Than Ever

Remember when I wrote "I am not throwing up so much that I am dysfunctional"? That should now read: I am not throwing up so much that I am dysfunctional. Actually, if my prose wasn't always so damned purple, I would just say I am no longer functional due to throwing up. No, that's no good either... you know what I need around here? I need a nice, thorough edit. And a brow wax.

Yesterday I woke up at 9:30 and was asleep again by 8. In between I was ill. Rinse, repeat... you have my entire week.

Each pregnancy I try to be a new kind of fool. Last time I was the fool who secretly thought it was possible that an embryo would show up eventually to the party (see: IVF with PGD; see also: Should Have Worked). The time before that I was the fool who thought maybe the embryonic heart rate of 80 at 7 weeks (also known as the boom-putty of certain demise) was going to suddenly zing into action. This time I am the sucker who desperately wants to believe the overwhelming evidence of the Nausea rather than the underwhelming indications of lackluster growth and slow heart rate. What can I say? Everything looks possible when the bathroom tile is imprinted on your cheek.

Patrick has been very nice to me. The first time he discovered me bowed over the commode and hacking away, he solicitously inquired, "Hairball?"

He talks to me in the sing-song tone we use with our closet cat who is both three-quarters wild and insane. He offers me sips of water. He tells me to wait right there and then he bustles off, returning with some treasure like a tape measurer to soothe my clammy brow. He is, roughly, about five hundred times more helpful than Steve who is not now, nor has he ever been, so much with the "nurturing".   

I have another ultrasound scheduled for Tuesday morning. It could be good, right? I mean good things sometimes happen in pregnancies, yes?

Oh damn it. You don't suppose the Lovenox is poisoning me, do you?  The nausea, the pounding headache behind my left eye... rats. It's probably the bloody Lovenox (which, incidentally, comes with the dullest needles ever. it is like pushing a drinking straw through your skin. remind me to get insulin needles unless the stuff is killing me in which case remind me to stop taking it).

And all of my March Madness teams seem to have lost already. How is your pool going?

Comments

[lizardek]

Bleurgh...I'm so sorry you are so sick. I'm desperately wishing the best for you. Hang in there.

[Emmie]

Better a happy fool than a unhappy smartypants realist. Nausea = good (though v v unpleasant). Patrick = freaking adorable.
Fingers crossed for Tuesday (or at least, as well as I can wrangle twin one-year olds with my fingers crossed)

[Erica77777]

Nothing like a tape measure to soothe the clammy brow. The side of a tape dispenser can work wonders, too.

Crossing many fingers for Tuesday.

[Christine]

Patrick has not yet learned the truth of hairballs - if that's what you had you would have been horking on an expensive rug, not the toilet. Eh, he's young yet.

I'm taking the continues vomit-fest as a good sign and will continue thinking happy embryo-growing thoughts.

And what the hell is up with Arizona? I don't pay that much attention, but I figured since people have been writing the local newspaper calling for the coach to get fired that they weren't doing that well. That messes up that whole bracket. Damn.

[Jenn]

I've given Lovenox to hundreds of patients and never had nausea or vomitting as a side effect. And yeah, the needles are dull. Don't uncap them until you are ready to do the shot, if you try to recap them before sticking yourself it's even worse.

And could Patrick be cuter?

[terri c]

I'm so sorry you're so sick. But glad Patrick appears to think nurturing is a Good Thing, even if it is taking the form of tape measures. Thinking of all of you. Patrick is one fantastic kid, meaning you and Steve are two fantastic parents.

[The Aitch]

Did you not put your money down on my Zags? Silly lady.

I feel awful about your sickness though goddamn that's a lot of sickness. Thank god for Patrick right? He will make a mighty fine husband someday.

Hairball? priceless. I will be thinking of you on Tuesday.

[chi_zit]

I am happy you're ill. I am better able to continue on with my hopeful and blood-stopping finger crossing when you're this ill.

And Patrick. Wonderful, lovely Patrick is a genius (duh). I bet you'll have search queries now from Hopkins reading: "headache assuaged with tape measure and cat cooing" and then your blog will be in the Giant-Everlasting Tome of Time and Medicine. (Like it isn't already.)

[Marsha]

I am completely out of clever today so I will say simply that probably sickness is good here and I bet you look lovely with tile impressions about the face.

[Cherith]

I am so, so very sorry. Really and honestly, call your doctor and beg for Zofran. It is harmless and it will help. You just don't have to live like this.

Thinking and praying for good news on Tuesday.

[Pamplemousse]

Glad you trained that boy so well. Methinks he will be a doctor when he grows up ;)

[VHMPrincess]

I'll be thinking of you Tuesday...(and today of course)...

[darladancer]

I was wondering what I could say that would take your mind off things for just a moment.

I was reminded of a story about a good catholic boy (who also was not good at the "helping while your SO is barfing" thing, but that does not relate to the story) and tile imprints on my knees.

It involves parents arriving back unexpectedly early from church. It's a real hoot! But it also involves swallowing, and maybe you don't want to think about that.

So I will just let you know I would bring all the desk accessories I could carry if it would ease you in any way.

[MFA Mama]

Shitty, thanks for asking. Lot of that going around. Hope you feel better, and if you can take Zofran then hell yes look into it; my middle one was recently hospitalized with rotavirus and he gagged for HOURS until the Zofran...marvelous stuff, that. Hoping the best for Tuesday (what TIME?).

[marian]

Well. Not much a person can do in such a situation except to say that boy oh boy, that's some good, solid Nausea, and yes, in itself it is such a good sign. Keeping my hopes up that this is a healthy baby taking root, but not one that will keep you throwing up for nine whole months. Will be hoping for the absolute best on Tuesday.

[Sandy]

I'll be thinking good thoughts for you....

[Dan in Mpls]

From a MN lurker, I wish you the best at your ultrasound. I'll bet it turns up roses. F'real.
When you're not busy upchucking, why not gleefully anticipate hearing a rapid beat and seeing an appropos crown-rump length?

I'll wait here for the good news.

[Mete]

Yes, good things DO happen in pregnancies sometimes. I'm thinking you should get extra credit for all this nausea. You deserve some good things for a change.

[Leslie]

I certainly haven't been through as much with infertility as you have, but I've been through some. IUI worked once - and I have a beautiful 3 and a half year old boy, Xander - but we've had no luck (unless you count "bad") since then. Can't even get a successful run at IVF because every month either my fsh or estradial #s are too low/high. As I approach 42 I am facing some harsh biological realities and am considering an egg donor. Any thoughts on that topic?

I'll be thinking of you on Tuesday. I remain ruthlessly optimistic on your (and my) behalf.

[Bluestocking]

My bracket is looking lovely. I picked Washington with my heart, and they actually won, I had TN going down early and Iowa too. Beating my brothers in the basketball pool? Priceless.

Hairball ... adorable - two great words that heretofore have not gone together. I hope puking is sign of good things.

Any thoughts on the Drew Brees deal? Or Culpepper?

[martha]

Oh my. "Hairball". That has GOT to make you feel better as you hang over the toilet bowl. My hopes and prayers are with you for the Tuesday ultrasound--surely this sickness must mean something?

[martha]

Oh, and I'm back to say that I can relate with the whole non-nurturing spouse thing. I still remember with outrage the time my husband got all put out because I refused to change the flat tire on the truck when I was five months pregnant.

[llama]

Hoping, hoping, hoping you get good news at the ultrasound...

[Tonya]

I had Kansas taking home all of the glory, which in and of itself indicates that my bracket is sucking ass.

Thinking good thoughts for Tuesday. (Hey, stranger things have happened, so I'm not writing this one off yet.)

[Lisa V]

I love Patrick. I am hoping with you. Good things do happen in pregnancies.

[Kath]

"Hairball?" is just about the cutest thing Patrick has said so far, and that is saying a lot. He really does know how to cheer a body up, doesn't he?

Yes. Good things do sometimes happen in pregnancies (or so people tell me) and I'm fervently hoping these good things will be amply in evidence on Tuesday and far beyond. Keeping my fingers crossed and not even uncrossing them while I hand you a cool washcloth. I'm so hoping for you, Julia.

[Laura K.]

OMG...Patrick asked if you had a hairball? That kid cracks me up! And how sweet he is to his mama.

I'm in the 'the sicker, the better' camp, too, just so you know.

Laura

[Meg]

Well . . . so sorry you feel like crapola. Here's to a spectacular Tuesday. I'm still hoping for good things ...

Folks at the old office are calling me "savant" due to my insanely perfect March Madness picks coupled with the fact that I'm not, shall we say, into sports?). However, that was prior to today . . . now I'm getting a trifle nervous.

Again, here's to a fabulous Tuesday.

[Claudia]

Why, sweet jeebus, can the manufacturers of Lovenox not provide sharper needles? The syringe itself is a masterpiece of spring-loaded security fanciness, why do they opt to cut corners on the damn needle?

Fingers crossed for some good news on Tuesday!

[victoria]

Oh, god, that sounds awful. Nausea is the worst. It makes it impossible to think about anything else. I'm sorry you have to go through this. Maybe the U/S will "exceed expectations," as they say in performance reviews.

[Moxie]

I had Tennessee, which goes to show that a person shouldn't pick a team just because it has three sets of double letters.

Good things do happen. 108 at 6 weeks, so sick I thought my very essence was dissolving, and currently loading his dump truck with Lincoln Logs and mardi gras beads. Let's hope the same thing happens to you.

Did Patrick measure you, or just put it on your brow?

[Toni]

Zofran...now...ODT...promise you'll feel better.

Having attended Bradley, I'm doing quite well in my pool, thank you :)

LOVE the hairball thing. I wish that was it. Routing for Embee on Tuesday!!!

[Febe]

Picked a couple of Cinderfella's in the first round, only to see them go down in the second - time wasters. And a big, big thanks goes out to Iowa, Kansas, Nevada, and Tennesee - bracket busting losers the lot of ya.
Definitely wishing you a Happy Ultrasound on Tuesday.

[Jen]

I love what Leslie said: Ruthlessly optimistic. I am ruthlessly optimistic for you both. It is the least I can do.

[Lena]

Nausea is good. Maybe. Probably. Hopefully? I will cross my eyelashes for you until Tuesday.

Patrick, what a dear heart. They get so useful around this age.

As for Steve, well, just don't ask for a bowl of cheerios again without specifying you want MILK as well. I'd hate for you to have yet another mess to clean. ;)

[Tonya]

I am so sorry you're feeling worse. Is your Lovenox via the pre-filled syringes? I am hating the bruises and the mystery lumps they leave under my skin. Makes finding an acceptable injection zone quite tricky.

Hope you feel a bit better soon, and rooting for you at your scan on Tuesday.

[Emily]

Julia, I'm sorry Patrick thinks you're becoming crazy like the cat. I hope you feel better and that it's a good sign!

[swissmiss]

Patrick is adorable.

[jozet]

Nothing but optimism on this front.

Good pukey-pukey vibes!

[Cris]

I won't comment until tomorrow, except to say I'm sorry you are so sick and hope its a good sign and really really really want this to work out for you.

[Slim]

I am keeping my fingers crossed that tomorrow your sonogram will show (A) a much-improved heart rate and (B) a hairball, just so Patrick can be right.

[thalia]

I am hoping very hard that this time your hope is justified and that the nausea is a clear indicator of that. Hope has got to be right one time in a million, hasn't it?

[Anita]

I'm sorry, but "Hairball?" made me laugh out loud!

I'm pulling for you on Tuesday morning. I hope it's fantabulous news. (We start trying again next week; I'm excited about and dreading what could happen)

And I was 4-0 in my top picks after Round 1 and 0-4 after round 2. I'm out of the running.

[Amanda]

Bless sweet Patrick for knowing exactly what to say & bring his Mum!
Wishing you luck for the scan tomorrow.
As for the injections...well...no more tips here as I am suffering lumpy, bumpy, sometimes itchy bruised thighs here to which my midwife & dr have basically said..."hmmm...no idea!" Helpful eh? But those needles are like straws the world over if that's any consolation!

[jen]

Just popping in to say I'm thinking of you, and best of luck tomorrow. Hang in there.

[Nancy]

During Thanksgiving, my nephew threw up the most vile orange vomit on my shoes and we made a dash to the bathroom for the next heave. He turned to me when it was done, orange goo all over his shirt, and said, "Aunt Nancy, I need a hug, right now please." What can you do? I'm glad Patrick is there to administer some needed TLC. That boy could bring a smile (albeit a wan, melancholy one) to freaking Heathcliff.

Wishing you very good luck for tomorrow. What is it they say about how a wise man knows he is a fool?

[Libby]

Oh Julia, I am so sorry you are so sick. I am still hoping for good things on Tuesday.

As for my brackett, well, I am doing very well I must say. What I love best is that everybody makes fun of me because of 'my system" (along the lines of what Moxie said, like how many letters are in the name, if I like the town the school is at, etc, etc) to pick the teams, but I am currently ahead of several of the guys in our pool (and pretty damm close to my husband), so they need to shut it. I am sorry you did not do so good.

Anyway, I am rambling here. I am thinking about you and hoping, praying and pleading with the universe to give you a damm break!

[Karen]

Julia, how can you be so sick and yet still so funny? I was never funny when I was sick.

BTW, have you ever tried phenergan? It can make you functional w/o making you unconscious (I don't think you can be both functional and unconscious, can you?) and take away the nausea. I used the 25mg suppository and broke it in thirds. One third got me out of the bathroom and into activities, but not eating. A whole suppository had me asleep on the cold cold tile of the bathroom floor. Somewhere in between was the magic.

{{{{HUGS}}}} and I am hoping for some reasonably good and sane news tomorrow.

[libby]

Oh Julia - I am hoping the nausea is a harbinger of the embryo's sticking around. I love Patrick. And my three teams are still in it, woohoo, although two of them are playing each other next - Gonzaga and UCLA.

Hoping you get good news tomorrow.
(Please, universe?)

[Monica C.]

Had a very early u/s taken when I was pg. with Sierra because my good friend is my OB (although I must admit being a bit like, "Whoa," when she came at me with that long thing and a condom - it was my 1st baby and I was expecting an on-top-of-the-belly ultrasound, like what you see on a Baby Story) and the heart rate was not what it should have been, either. But it was so early and I was blissfully ignorant ("Oh, come back next week for another u/s? Great!!) - and it all turned out fine - that is, it all turned into Sierra, who is 5(?) days older than Patrick, and whose heart now beats so steadily and heartily THAT SHE TALKS AND TALKS AND TALKS AND ASKS QUESTIONS WITHOUT TAKING A BREATH.

Prayers for manana.