In My Spare Time

We live near quite a few households in which the Man of the House is around some weekdays. There is the pilot, the radiologist, Steve, the guy who retired early, the guy whose wife has the money... a regular little pack of them running around mowing things on Tuesdays rather than Saturdays. This is nice because if you ever need a hand moving a grand piano* in the middle of the week you have some options. It is also nice (and I don't know why I find this so funny; perhaps because I am a sexist throwback to the unenlightened ages) because they provide Steve with the occasional social event. On Wednesdays, you see, this group of men gets together for coffee. Coffee! Delicious coffee! It slays me. I keep picturing the menu section of my beloved 1963 Joy of Cooking only rather than housewives it is a bunch of males trying to figure out what they can next suspend in gelatin and label "salad".

HA!

Steve went this morning and took Patrick with him so I am now ALL ALONE in the house. This never happens. As many times as I suggest that Steve and Patrick should go kayak the Missouri or something they always find reasons to stay home or bring me with them. I celebrated my independence by making the bed**, cleaning the kitchen, putting a load of laundry in the dryer and now I am writing a blog entry about nothing. I clearly live for pleasure alone.

Until very recently Patrick still used a sippy cup. Partially because I worried about his getting enough liquid (what with his bowel issues, ahem) and a sippy cup did not involve my having him to haul him to the table or an oil-cloth every half hour during his less dexterous years, but mostly because every time I tried to pour juice into a normal cup Patrick would scream "AAAAAAAIIIIIII! I can't have a sippy cup! AUGGGGHHH! AUGGGGGGHHH!" and I decided maybe it wasn't time to make the change. Because the change involved screaming. And I am weak. So two became three became almost four years old and Patrick was still using a sippy cup. When I tried to go cold turkey a few months ago he just did not drink anything. At all. All day. Which is actually a pretty effective negotiating technique, when you think about it. Short of prying his jaws open and pouring the apple juice directly into his esophagus via funnel it is hard to win that battle. So the sippy cups returned.

A few weeks ago I googled the subject of sippy cup addiction hoping to find some tricks on easing the transition. First, I was embarrassed to see that every mention of the subject involved children half Patrick's age and then I was horrified when I stumbled upon an article called something like "Are you babying your special needs child?" The horror was that I was guilty of seven out of the nine things the author mentioned and, um, Patrick's only special need is that I am apparently out to sabotage his development.

Unwittingly, of course, but still.

So I decided to ease Patrick off some of his more dependent behaviors (one day Patrick will coolly tell some nice girl, "I am sorry, Lois, but my mother used to remove the seeds from my cherry tomatoes. You are just not meeting my emotional needs when you suggest I put away my own socks") before I wreck the kid for all time.

Operation SippyCup has been surprisingly painless.  One night for dinner I poured Patrick's soy milk into a Dixie riddle cup. He read it. We all had a hearty laugh over the fact that fish are smart because they travel in schools. Then Patrick demanded his sippy cup- ha ha and all, but joke's over. We explained that he would now use a normal cup at the table for meals but he could still use a sippy cup at other times. He screamed. We ignored the screaming. He gave up after a minute. And he is drinking out of a normal cup as I type this. Voi-fucking-la.

The mills of my parenting are exceedingly slow but they grind exceedingly fine.

Next up: Pulling up his own pants, washing his own hands, using a fork, zippers, using a potty for all bodily functions and not just those of a uric nature, and algebra.

Thank you for your thoughts on getting Patrick to be more cooperative at school. I should have realized this already but I had never tried to apply my understanding of Patrick (slight though it is) to getting him to do things. I have always been, like, want a sticker? No? Well I am fresh out of ideas.   

Someone said something about, um, damn it, I don't remember how you put it, but it spoke to Patrick's definite need to have structured goals. When I asked him to put away the marble run this morning he declined. When I asked him to put away the red pieces first, the yellow pieces second, the green pieces third and the blue pieces last he eagerly asked, "And can I count them too?" I graciously agreed and then he graciously agreed. Since I have already admitted I am a lousy mother I guess it won't do any harm to confess this approach had NEVER occurred to me until I read the comments.

So thank you. 

*Richard Scarry of Busy Busy fame once sent the following telegram to the woman he later married "MUST MOVE GRAND PIANO. HEAVY. NEED HELP. COME IMMEDIATELY. ...DICK." Just try to tell me that isn't absolutely charming.

**I forgot you were going to help me with my bedding problem. First, be soothed by the complete absence of the Worst Duvet Cover Ever.

Ah.

Now, lack of terrible batik aside, doesn't it still look a little weird? A little sterile or something? I think I need more pillows but I don't know what they should look like. Here it is with the rug again. What do you think? Should I bring in some of that red, maybe?

PS The very observant will note that we now have THREE cat paintings and have put them over our bed. I remain defiant on the subject despite the fact that there will be a special cutesy corner of hell waiting just for us. In other respects we are ardent modernists, though, I swear it.

Comments

[Mandy]

I heart Patrick. Have I mentioned this before? He's reading the riddles on his Dixie cup and you're worried about him being behind - you see the irony, right?

[Lisa P]

So happy to hear that you had some time to yourself today! I love it when that happens to me--rare though it may be!

Sippy cup addiction, huh? Hmmm . . . you've got me wondering now. My two are approaching 5 and 3 and both still use sippy cups. Not at meals, not at preschool but most certainly in the car or while sitting on my sofa munching popcorn and watching the umpteenth showing of Finding Nemo. All good times for sippy cups in my opinion no matter what the age.

Maybe I'm a bad mother, too?

[Marsha]

Yes, red. Red pillows, in all kinds of textures - velvets, brocades, blah blah blah.

I once told my son to do the "clean up the yellows, then blues, then greens..." and he said in return, "That's just the same as regular cleaning, but slower." And so we're back to "...because I TOLD you to, that's why."

[Melissa]

I like the pictures of children sleeping. Such a nice state.

About the bed, yeah, you need some Pottery Barn up in there. I'm no interior decorator, but I like the Hand Blocked pillow cover in red kumari as a contrast. Maybe the long rectangle pillow. Or the Kilim covers might go, especially the Chandani, but it's square, which always gives my problems on the bed vs. the couch because it can't be an accent pillow and I don't want a bunch of square pillows on the bed.

Or you can go to a fabric store, find some accent fabric and have some pillows made.

[Vanessa]

Who says sippy-cup addiction has to end? I know a lot of 35-year-olds who are just as attached to their sport-top water bottles as preschoolers are to their sippys. (Sippies? Has anyone determined the correct plural for this word?)

Anyway, whatever you call them, sippy cups save lots of mopping and yelling. Sometimes I wish my 7-year-old, a.k.a. "she of the carelessly placed elbow," would still drink from one!

[nate]

I am green with envy. Green, I tell you. I never have time to myself at home. Never. I WOH, husband is SAH/WAH, and so when I come home it's MOM time! I'll have 6 blissful waking hours to myself next week, after they take off for Mass. & grandma, and before I take off for Phoenix & schmoozing (drinking) w/ other librarians (fun, huh? But really, it's work!). I'm planning to get a manicure & go out to an ethnic restaurant of the type husband would hate (Nepali, if anyone's asking) with a FRIEND. I'm happily anticipating, completely out of proportion.

Did you read the article in the NYTimes about bed accessories--maybe a week or so ago? I'll see if it's still free & email you the link. But yes, I think bring in some red. An extra throw pillow or blanket, and maybe something on the floor too. What did you do about the sofa in the window?

I actually was just thinking about Patrick and his defiant stage a few moments ago--a report came in that Clara was ignoring all requests to help clean up at school, and Susan (her favorite teacher) spoke to her. Much sadness ensued.

Will you provide us with the survey link? I have a feeling I'm babying too...

[jozet]

A post about nothing? You are the Jerry Seinfeld of the bloggin world, lol!

My younger daughter is very persuasive when it comes to picky eating. That old saying, "They won't starve themselves" or "they'll eat when they're hungry."

Psssht. Seconda lost 3 pounds in one week proving her point about vegetables.

Anyway, congrats on the sippy-cup and on teh clean-up. I never thought of half the things that make me the wonder parent I am today: talent borrows - genius steals.

[Mir]

Did you say something about a duvet cover? All I see is a chompable baby. Who apparently reads better than my 6.5-year-old. Not that I'm worried. Stop looking at me.

[Skye]

In my opinion, you need a bigger picture above the bed to anchor that wall. The scale is wrong right now because the rug is so large that the bed looks puny.

Adorable sleeping kid, though. Keep that.

[Cris]

I was going to make the same comment as Skye

- Bigger picture or another rug above the bed
- More pillows - pick up on the red and other colors (see if you can find some of the large square ones and then smaller sizes)
- What's with the reading lights? The one above Patrick (who is adorable) looks like it isn't working for you guys (being pulled down as far as it can reach so that you can use it without it being right in your eyes)
- Something nice, tall (but wide enough that it won't go over with a breeze or a kid's bump in passing), decorative and bright on the bedside tables
- bench or something at the end of the bed

Isn't being alone for a while in your own home something rare and wonderful? My little one and her dad just flew off to Arizona to visit the horrible in-laws and I have the house to myself until my best friend arrives tomorrow for a girls' weekend. Heaven!

[Susan]

Oh I just want to smooch those sweet little Patrick cheeks. So adorable.

And--when our first son was still in the NICU, my husband started talking about how he couldn't WAIT to take the boy camping. The boy is nearly six, his brother is almost four, both are potty trained and completely able to carry a small backpack--but no. No camping.

Because all three of them want ME to come to. I think not.

[Lisa]

On the sippy cup issue - my son didn't stop using the sippy cup until he was almost four - he went to morning preschool 4 days/week and never drank a THING because they didn't allow sippy cups and because the "parent educator" believed he would eventually come around and follow his peers in the use of normal cups. (Ok, listening to her was a mistake, easy to see in retrospect.)

We switched schools that summer and on the second day at the new school, he was screened by a speech therapist, who told me that a) he had a mild tongue thrust problem that made drinking from a regular cup a hard task to figure out and b) she had taught him how to use a regular cup that day. We never went back to the sippy cup. We did, however, go to speech therapy.

So, if your aging preschooler is still drinking from a sippy cup, it could just be obstinacy. But it could be something else (plus obstinacy)...

[ailel]

What appears to be missing from the bed is something with a pattern. Too many solids. If you want to keep up the kitty theme, you could find some throw pillows with kitties on them. I must admit that I have one myself. You seem to have a bit of a mission/southwest theme in your home, though, so a good resource would be the Old House Interiors sourcebook. Just google it. They have some really really great mission style resources that are non-pottery barn. Enjoy your YOU time!!!

[another anna]

My first (general) decorating thoughts are: more texture, larger scale, and/or more color—right now there's a lot of smooth-textured neutrals, and I think they could use a little contrast. My favorite modernist way to do such scary things as color and texture is with natural materials, or patterns that mimic natural patterns. Less "decorative" that way. And yes, I say "decorative" as though I just caught a whiff of something rank. Although, what is domestic arranging of objects with an aesthetic goal if it's not decoration. Sigh. Modernism is a harsh, contrary mistress.

The first specific thing that comes to my mind is some wall hangings or paint treatments above/behind the bedside tables: a field of texture or pattern (can be quite subtle) that goes from floor to ceiling—column-shaped. That would make the scale of the whole arrangement more expansive, and give you an opportunity for a slightly higher level of detail than there is in all those plain, smooth surfaces.

Also, pillows that exist only to provide visual stimulation make me feel like I'm cheating. See "modernism" vs. "decoration" above... I should get over myself, I know.

[Ariella]

I don't know what to tell you about decorating, but I will say that I LOVE the framed photos of the cats above your bed and I am fervently hoping that they are YOUR cats and that you love them just that much.

[grumpygirl]

lots more pillows. some large ones, then normal sized ones, and a few squares.

red. but red and grey to bring the two colors together. some patterns with the two together.

just my opinion

[Mia C.]

While other bloggers are concerned with your child's development- (My almost 2 year old isn't off the bottle. which is going to put me ON the bottle.))
I am deeply concerned about something else. I'm afraid your bed is developmentally delayed re: pillows. That's right, pillows. Decorative pillows are the only thing that separates us from the beasts. It needs red European shammed Square pillows in the back, some little colorful pillows- a neckroll, a rectangle in the front.
Then it will reach its adjustedbed glory.
A picture would be good, too....

[Terry]

God, I may be way off base & totally out of the loop with this, but I think the thing you have hanging on the wall would look AWESOME above your bed. I know that leaves the side wall blank but I think your cat pictures would look nice there?

(ok, ducking in shame, I suck at interior design, but I would try that because I? Am goofy like that.

Oh, and don't you love being home completely alone after the initial shock of wandering around & saying, "This is too weird. What should I do now", wears off?

[MustangSally]

yes, decorative/patterned pillows. But I'm also thinking a red dust ruffle/ bedskirt would do wonders, too. Just a little red peeking out from underneath. Or did the current one come with the comforter? If not, you can get them singly in the sheet sections of most dept. stores/ linen stores.

Any maybe some red accessories on the bedside table. Or the lampshade.

[Kate]

Have you ever checked out apartmenttherapy.com? You can submit your pictures, and then all of these design-obsessed people will come up with ideas for you.

[Heather]

I used to love the dixie cup riddles!

[Leggy]

My son is 5 and he still uses a sippy- mostly in the morning when he's watching TV in my bed. Its because its easier for me, not because he wants to. What's the big deal about sippy cups if it prevents spills on my bed, carpet, etc?

[Laura K.]

Yeah, K prefers a sippy still, too, and she's over three so of course I am also damaging her development. We have come to the happy compromise, for now, of the straw-sipper and the 'big kid' cup at the table. I'm just ready to get rid of all these extra sippies!

How sweet is Packy napping on your bed? So sweet, in fact, that you coul dhave the ugliest room ever (which you don't - I believe I still have claim to that title, sorry) and I wouldn't even notice it because he's there in the picture, being all distracting with all the cuteness and napping.

[DebbieS]

Can Patrick come over and teach my husband to use a sippy cup? I'm tired of cleaing up coffee stains. I keep hoping that Starbucks will market some =)

[Sunny]

Is that a mohawk I spy on wee Patrick's head? I am not questioning the merits of mohawks, but if it is indeed of that fine hairstyle persuasion, I have a feeling there is a story behind it. And your blog readers love them a good story.

Perhaps it is just the angle of the sleeping child's head.

I am of no help otherwise.

[Sally]

It looks like if you put too many pillows on your bed, you might completely cover up your headboard which seems low. So I agree - bigger picture up there and move the kitties to another wall. Fold down your cover to maybe a third to halfway down the bed, and maybe add one large but low red roll pillow (is that what it's called?) that goes the width of the bed as an accent. Then you have clean and modern, and not cat lovin' fussy fussy pillow lady.

[Gillian]

You said kittys? And pillows and rug? I'm sorry, I must be distracted by this adorable tiny human on the bed. Don't you just want to lay down reeeaaally quietly on the other side of the bed and study those eylashes and such. I can't help it, grandmothers are just addicts.

[Victoria]

I would suggest a red box pleated bedskirt like this: http://www.domestications.com/Domestications/ProductS.asp?MSCSProfile=Ticket%3DC00917C5-765B-44BE-9563-38D5592F295F%2538848.255752315%200%3B&dept%5Fid=11400&product=B13120x

Then maybe using red fitted sheets with cream colored top sheets (or vice versa) and keeping the top part of the duvet and sheet folded down so you can see the colors. Personally, that's what I would probably do so that you could avoid getting more pillows (seeing as how you already have 6 on there). I'd just look at it as more things to throw in the floor at night and have to pick up in the morning.

[WendyP]

Something that might help Patrick pull his own trousers up - have him pull the back up by putting the *back* of his hand against his bottom, grabbing the waistband, and then pulling up. Some kids have a hard time getting pants over their cute little bums. The hand position guides 'em along.

[Victoria]

Stumbled across this and had to add it on: http://www.bombaycompany.com/gp/product/B000DZEHQU/002-2106876-7631209?%5Fencoding=UTF8&bmBrand=core

The bedskirt and those shams (textured even!) would be a nice addition I think. AND they're on sale for Mother's Day. Sales are a good thing. It's a sign, I'm sure of it.

[Ms Sisyphus]

Diva Girl is seven and Grandma still gives her a sippy cup at her house--she has spill issues. I turn a blind eye because I am a bad, bad mother.

You can never have too many pillows I say. And red? It is hard to go wrong with red.

And I am now a little in love with Richard Scary.

[wookie]

Just a side note on the sippy cup thing:

We had trouble that way too, and did almost the exact same thing you did. Sippy cup for in the car, regular cup at the table, and any other drinks must be had at the table. This last is because we have a big lunk of a dog, so we do all snacking at the table, too, lest he get too involved in the snacking process.

[KaetheDouglas]

Keep the sleeping child; it really sets off a contrast with the modernist aesthetic. What you need are some significantly larger lamps. They can be smooth, simple lines, but those lamps that you have look like such frail, delicate things. Something with red shades would be nice. And replace the navy pillowcases with red.

We went from sippy cups to lidded cups with straws, but sadly, they're very hard to find.

[Pammer]

Plants. They soften a room. See if you can add some greenery. Good for design, good for health!

But the best accessory is that sleeping tot!

[Joan]

Loose the cat pictures, get another bigger one and hang it lower. The rug is nice, use the colors in it for accents around the room. Too much brown right now.

Hope this helps

[Denise]

Just an odd question.... instead of adding pillows or other decorations... what about painting one wall boldly. Like the wall your bed is against, the red that in those pillows and the wall hanging. That would be a blast of color and it would remove the sterileness, it would add warmth as well.

Just a thought... good luck!!

[bec 36]

I would not have thought of that approach to marble-run removal either. Don't be ashamed that you needed the advice of readers! If I have a parenting problem to resolve, I consult parenting books and/or coworkers and/or friends and/or day care teachers and/or the pediatrician. Occasionally I come up with a brilliant idea myself, or dh does, but generally it comes from outside sources. Whatever works, I say!

bec :D

[sweetcoalminer]

I just love you and your writing. And Patrick. I'm always so happy when you post.

[Diana]

You know what? I never would have thought anything about the sippy cup. My four year old uses a sippy cup because of the spills but she'll gladly drink out of a normal cup if we give her one. But from the time she was little she would sip ice water from her grandmother's glass, so I suppose she was always exposed to normal cups.

Just wanted to say I'm very jealous of your bedroom and the cute little boy sleeping there.

[Robin]

You need something reflective, everything is "absorbing" the light. Maybe some brass or silver objects on the bedside tables? Picture frames or the like? I would have suggested bedside lamps, but that is obviously taken care of.

[bluepaolo]

Books, books, books
Built in bookshelves framing the bed. nightstand built in at the appropriate spots.
throw in some recessed lighting over the bed for ambiance/reading, leave one cat picture,
you're good to go.
Nothing like books to soften, personalize a space.

[Monica C.]

Sierra - you know, the one whose birthday is a few days before Patrick's - has the SAME sippy cup issues. When she uses her sippy cups, she throws that apple juice BACK, chugging the entire thing in about 2 seconds. With a regular cup, she takes a few (less awkward now that she has been doing this for about a year) sips and that's that. We actually prefer the latter because she doesn't have constipation issues, but tends to need to sprint to the potty after consuming 40 oz. of juice.

[Janonymous]

Bring in red--small variation in lighter & darker shades, but same tone, if you know what I mean. And focus on different textures of the colors you already have...something with a funky fringe, something ultrasuede, something raw-silky...etc. Whatever appeals to you.

Precious Patrick!

Jan

[Melissa]

These straw sipper cups are great. Just toss the useless straws that come included and use disposable bendy straws.
http://www.thefirstyears.com/products/product.asp?pValue=1157

Patrick needs G is for Googol [ISBN 1883672589]. We finally borrowed it from the library and will soon be ordering a copy. It's great.

[Jo in Boston]

Pottery Barn Kids has some dandy straw cups that serve the purpose of not spilling but look very big kid if you just want to transfer the addiction. Worked for us.

[Anna]

Love your marble technique! Sometimes at school I say things like, "Let's pick up the paper! How manny bits can you find?" The children totally fight each other to pick up all the little bits of paper and tissue and come to proudly announce their numbers at the end.

Oh, I should say, this is NEVER a competition. I don't like competitive stuff for this age group.

[Crystal]

Oh, pish tosh. I'm a slacker Mom. Or, er, anti-slacker mom. A laissez faire mom?

Ok, I take the absolute path of least resistance on any and all subjects.

Safety of any sort is non-negotiable, but basically, you know, it all works out in the end.

People made all kinds of dire predictions about our raising of our son.... if you breastfeed they'll never wean, if you sleep with them, they'll never sleep on their own, if you homeschool, they'll be educationally disadvantaged social misfits, and on and on.

You know, it's pretty damn hard for a loving, committed parent with a brain in their head to screw up a child they spend quality time with every day (or some reasonable facimile).

So my 10 year old finally potty trained, in a day. He started sleeping on his own about 6. He weaned himself at a few months courtesey of rediculously short maternity leave, and he's a social butterfly to end them all, and has plenty of male, and female admirers. Did this all happen at the earliest possible moment? No. But it happened. It's kind of like trying to keep them from getting taller. They're going to become capable adults, and as long as you're modeling capable adulthood for them, and giving them opportunities to be a part of that, it's hard to stop them from developing as required.

There's no one way to raise a kid, Julia. Love him. The rest is FINE. I swear.

If all that stuff is important to you, then so be it! Doing it now isn't going to hurt him either, but don't let someone else's preconcieved notions of parenthood dictate your relationship with your son, or his rate of development.

Oh, and here's a little tip... pretty much whatever you teach him isn't going to mean a hill of beans in the long run.... Their ability to mimic doesn't end at spilling the family skeletons in the grocery line. ;)

All kidding aside, your life will set the stage for his life in the future. Whatever flaws Steve may or may not have, whatever flaws you may or may not have, I think Patrick is pretty well destined for a nice, normal adulthood. Normal being relative, of course. Somehow calling you "normal" feels like the worst of insults, but I don't mean it that way, I swear. You're far too wonderful to be merely normal.

Toodles,

[victoria]

Do you have a classics background? I'm thinking of the Acassandra title and the reference to the blushful Hippocrene. But then the J'ai failli attendre post makes me think modern languages.

[dish]

Get some texture and pattern for the bed. Various pillow shapes would be good and consider a throw (perhaps in red chenille) across the bottom of the bed.

Have fun with it!

[lee]

I caught a glimpse of your door in the first picture and it looked wicked amazing! Dark wood, solid, mission-ish. So excellent!

Having said, that I might also suggest a new color on the walls.