The Adverbial Son

Hiya. How are things? Are you good? Happy healthy and whole?

I hope so.

Personally I have been feeling a little sad, so I spent the past several days organizing my pantry, rearranging my kitchen cupboards, planting seedlings and annuals and hanging baskets, and putting away the winter clothes after washing all the summer ones. I still feel a little sad but now I know that I have dried mushrooms to last me forever so I can stop buying them. Would you like to hear all the luscious organizational details?

Of course not. Hence my prolonged silence.

From today:

After offering Patrick a lollipop (he accepted) the nice cashier asked Patrick how old he is.

"Actually, I am three. I am really really three."

"Three!" she said. "And do you like dinosaurs?"

"No, I certainly do not. I most definitely do not. No."

"Oh. What do you like?"

Patrick squinched his face up as if he was in pain (he was thinking) and said, "Fonts."

"Fawnts?" she asked, bewildered.

"Yes, I absolutely like fonts. Absolutely I do. Totally."

She looked at me for assistance but I just smiled at her. I was damned if I was going to explain...

"Franklin Gothic," Patrick offered helpfully. Only he pronounces the word go-thick, like go-kart, whereas we say gah-thick, like ina-GA-ddadavida. I am not entirely sure how he wound up all Canadian but whatever. "Courier. Baby Kruffy."

She looked confused. Or, as Patrick would say, very terribly really completely confused.

"Thank you! Have a nice afternoon," I said, hauling Patrick into one arm while grabbing the bags and sprinting toward the door. "See you next time. Bye."

But I was not quick enough.

"Times New Roman!" Patrick shouted over my shoulder. "TIMES NEW ROMAN!

TIMES!

NEW!

ROMAN!"

So there is that.

PS. I went to his preschool picnic and discovered that despite his idiosyncrasies Emily is in love with him. First the teachers told me. Next Emily's mother told me. Then there was the unpleasant yet suggestive squabble between Emily and Elise when Elise also wanted to tuck wilted dandelions into Patrick's hair. Finally Emily drug Patrick by his hand over to where her mother and I were sitting.

"THIS is Patrick!" she beamed. "I love him."

"She does," Patrick said, "she totally really does love me."   

"You're kidding" is what I wanted to say. "How nice" is what I managed.

I find parents talking about so-and-so's "little girlfriend" creepy so let's just say that Patrick obviously has a little friend (shall we say an admirer?) and I find it reassuring. How odd can he be, really, if a nice girl like Emily wants to introduce him to her mother?   

Comments

[jes]

Okay. I simply cannot get past the fact that your son is three. Really, really three.

And that he knows FONTS.

He's totally, totally, absolutely a designer in the making.

[Deb]

He is too adorable to live, I tell you.

I wish I organized when I was sad. Could you please send me some of whatever you have that induces organization when sad?

I mostly do nothing and everything goes to hell in a handbasket around me, hence the state of my house right now. Now it is too overwhelming to deal with so here I am reading blogs.

[Elaine]

He is on the way to being a graphic designer.

Great job if you thrive on stress, minimal pay and little recognition.

But all the fonts you can eat!

[Cait]

Oh my god, I want to have a playdate with Patrick.

Not that that's terribly reassuring to you or anything.

[Michelle]

I wish that I had a story as funny as Patrick and his fonts to cheer you up!! My husband and I were both in tears. Still waiting for the reproductive agenda, I hope that is a source of hope and not sadness.

[LetterB]

Hee hee. The Adverbial Son. Good one!

[Thea]

Oh you are so funny. Thanks for the giggles. I needed them tonight

[Emma]

I love reading about Patrick, he sounds wonderfully precious. totally really.

[Amy]

I'm sorry you are feeling sad.

And, Patrick is hilarious.

[marisa]

my son is 4. all his playschool friends are boys, doesn't like to play with the girls. the other day, our neighbors kids were playing with my ds. their 5 year old was sitting in the wagon with my son. they put their arms around each other and the neighbors son said, are you my boy friend, Michael? my son said yes. the neighbor and I started to laugh pretty hard on how do we explain this. all we could say was "yes, he's your friend and he's a boy, but don't put boy and friend together in the same sentence".

[Elisabeth]

Sorry to hear you are feeling sad of late. I can relate!

Patrick sounds totally, completely, wonderfully charming. I also like fonts, but perhaps not to that extent. ;) My personal favourite is Present. Love it, and if it were more common, I would type EVERYTHING in it!!

Futura, Avant Garde, Helvetica are also nice. I hate Times New Roman though, guess I am not much of a fan of most traditional serif fonts.

Anyway, I wanted to ask you Julia, about the pronounciation of "Gothic". I went to graphic design and art school with hundreds of Canadians, and I am also Canadian. I have never once in my entire life ever heard a Canadian pronounce Gothic incorrectly. So, just curious where you ever heard that saying "GO-thic" was a Canadian pronounciation? I can assure you, everyone here says "Gothic" correctly! :)

Hope you feel better soon and look forward to hearing about the organizational details, or, the updated reproductive plans!

Personally, I am going to drink some Mojitos with my husband this weekend as I feel I deserve it, and I might as well have a drink since I'm not pregnant!!

[Schnozz]

It just occurred to me that if I ever have a baby, I'm going to have to name it Kruffy just to see if anyone gets it. Do you realize the bad influence you are??

Hey, Times New Roman is where it's at. There's a reason vanilla ice cream is still the most popular flavor. Henry has taste, but respects tradition. I would totally bring him home to my mother.

[Chookooloonks]

Because I am completely charmed with your child, I read your post out loud to my husband.

"TIMES NEW ROMAN!" I yelled, and then for emphasis, "TIMES! NEW! ROMAN!"

So now, guess what my two-year-old is running around the house saying?

So I guess this is a thank you to Patrick for being such a positive influence on my daughter. If that thing with Emily doesn't work out, well... you know.

[Ruth]

My just 4 year old has a girlfriend. Actually, what he really has is a friend who is a girl, so a girl_friend is exactly what she is.

Patrick and his fonts. He's a pip.

[kathleen999]

Sorry you are sad. Thank goodness Patrick is so hilarious.

Reminds me of some designers we lived next door to. They named their kitten Gill. A couple of months later, after the appropriate fixing, they renamed him Gill Sans.

Want to come over to my place and do some organizing? I can't seem to get to it, what with the twin thing and all. And it would make me feel ever so much better. I might even get rid of the PPD after 17 months!

[Heather]

Too cute!

[AnaBell]

http://www.fontdiner.com/

I like the Sparky one (under free silverware)

[Ollie]

I'm in awe of the natural-born graphic designer. Get that boy a Pantone swatchbook for Christmas.

[Judy]

"Would you like to hear all the luscious organizational details?

Of course not. Hence my prolonged silence."

You know we would. I think you're just not sharing them, because you plan on publishing them in your book "Hints from Julia."

Curious - how did Patrick get introduced to fonts?

Emily is after him for his money - little hussy.

I was recently informed by a fellow pre-school mother that her daughter wants to marry my 3-and-a-half year old son. As do several other classmates. Shortly thereafter my son caused his first broken heart by naming the one he wanted to marry in the presence of another. Her tiny face crumpled and she wailed "but I-I-I-I w-want to mar-ry Xander!!!" Her mother and I didn't know WHAT to do. My first thought was to make him tell her he meant he wanted to marry her - but I thought better of it lest his response to crying women forever be to ask them to marry him...

What I want to know, is who pays for a 3 year old's wedding?

[Paul Ducco]

Hahahaha. Great story. Thanks for sharing Patrick sounds like a smart kid (in the perfect dosage).

You're doing everything right. ;)

[Emily]

Personally, my favorite font is Tahoma pt 10. Seems like Patrick loves the word totally. Plus having two girls liking him, that's very cool!

[Kim]

My little boy is in love with the little girl next door. They are the best of pals and say they are getting married. Our oldest son is a bit different. He insists he is marrying a boy at school named Cole and that they are going to have babies. I don't have the heart to break it to him that it wont be happening in this country any time soon.

Favorite Font: Jazz

[Melinda L. Wentzel aka Planet Mom]

Too Felix Tilting cute for words. Or fonts, for that matter.

[Samantha]

This is hilarious! I love the fonts exchange.

[Amy/grrlTravels]

Patrick reminds me of Lola of the Charlie and Lola books. Both charming and expressive and wonderful. I share his love of fonts, although I can't say Times New Roman is one of my favorites. But a kid who shouts TNR? Yes, he goes on the top ten list.

As for you, those pretend girlfriends and boyfriends are indeed creepy. Ick I say.

Sorry you are sad. Hope the organizing made you feel more together.

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