Now With 100% More Sweet Tea

Shortly after Christmas my brother said, "Jules, we need to start planning the beach vacation."

And I said, "Ah. Yes. Beach. Huh. Well. The thing is... um. I think we are busy. Terribly sorry, rotten luck, couldn't be sicker about the whole thing but, no."

In truth, the last beach vacation en famille was exhausting. The group consisted of Steve Patrick and me, my mother, my brother and his family, my brother's wife's parents, my brother's wife's brother and his family, and finally my brother's wife's brother's wife's sister (ta da!) and her family.  Although we were scattered in different houses there was an ensemble dinner every night that had to be seen to be believed...  let us just say that I was damned if I was going to willingly immerse myself in that chaotic suckhole again.    

Two weeks later my brother said, "Jules, we need to start planning the beach vacation."

And I thought, well, that's odd. Didn't we just...? But I guessed that he had simply forgotten the conversation, so again I gently declined, citing conflicts like "summer" and potential problems such as my developing allergy to sand.

A few weeks after that my brother said, "Jules, we need to start planning the beach vacation."

What the hell? I said, "Listen."

He said, "OK."

I said, "We. Are. Not. Going. To. The. Beach."

"Ohhhhhhhhhh," he said. "OK."

A whole month went by before my brother said, "Hey Jules, we really need to start planning the beach vacation."

At that moment I understood. My poor brother. He was clearly suffering from some sort of degenerative mental disease. By the end of the year he would believe he was a soft-boiled egg. And all he wanted before that inevitable dark end was a beach vacation, a last hurrah with his beloved sister at his side. I teared up.

"Of course," I choked out. "Of course we do. We do need to start planning the beach vacation. I'll look for a house right away."

Which is how I came to not only agree to a week in South Carolina but assumed responsibility for organizing the whole damned trip. Mercifully, it was only my immediate family this time and I found a house that fit us all comfortably (behold the miracle of the enormous screened porch.) Shockingly, I had a fantastic time. See how tanned and relaxed I look? Still, there was the question of my brother's premature senility to be investigated.

Over wine one night, gazing out at the ocean as the waves stitched themselves into the sky, I delicately asked my brother if he was losing his fucking mind.

"FOUR TIMES you asked me about the beach. FOUR TIMES you forgot that I had said no already."

My brother grinned at me in what can only be described as a wicked manner.

"Ha!" he said.

Can you believe it? My own brother played me like a mah jongg tile. Now you know that all you have to do with me is repeat the question until I feel sorry for you (which actually explains a great deal of my early promiscuity, come to think of it....)   

We did have a great time although I missed you terribly. Where were we? Seriously, what do I owe you? Remind me what I have promised to write about and I will do my best to oblige this week.      

Comments

[Lisa V]

So all it takes is repetition and you cave? Glad the caving turned out well. Don't let Patrick know this works on you. Or Steve.

[Kay]

Yeah - I would edit out your "achilies heel" if I were you. Do you think Patrick can help me with the spelling of that?

Glad you had fun. Gladder you're back.

[throwingutah]

I'm glad you had a good time at the beach (the "immediate family" thing might have had something to do with that).
As for topics, shall we dissect your bathrooms? I don't remember seeing any photos of those yet.
I would like to read about Patrick at the beach, if you could.

[gkk]

Ahem, I do believe we were promised "Finalized Reproductive Agenda 712" a while back? Only if you're up to it though of course. I'm so glad to hear you had a good time Julia, I have been on family beach holidays of my own so I was really feeling for you.

[MustangSally]

Now you've got me missing my brother, who I have not seen in about 3 years. He has yet to meet my son, I have yet to meet his. We were supposed to go visit in March... then June. Now it's pencilled in for September. Glad you had fun.

[Susan]

We are leaving for an family (his) beach vacation next week, and I was planning to maintain my this-is-going-to-suck-like-nothing-has-ever-sucked-before-and-I-remain-pissed-that-you-committed-us attitude for, at least, a couple of more days, but, there you go, implying that this could work out, giving me hope that we can survive. Damn you, Julia!

Oh, and glad you are back. Really, really, missed you.

[victoria]

"Now you know that all you have to do with me is repeat the question until I feel sorry for you (which actually explains a great deal of my early promiscuity, come to think of it....)" BWHAHAHAHAHA!

[Kel]

I too think it was the fertility plan, but I'd certainly go for a few posts on the early promiscuity? Glad it was, glad you are back.

Kel

[Judy]

Glad for the update, and to think I was only stopping in to poach the pancake recipe again.

Glad you had a good time.

BTW - I recently (last night) tried Alton Brown's Barley Water recipe (it's lemon barley water, but he calls it barley water) and it's very good + very easy. Emeril's recipe (also on foodtv.com) includes an optional gin addition.

[Lena]

Umm, I think we were enmeshed with the further goings-on of your hoo-ha. Do tell.

And the vacay sounds lovely. As does your brother.

[Diane]

I would love a beach vacation. However, I have no idea how to begin planning one. How do you go about finding a house? Can I just google "vacation house in S. Carolina"?

[Reese]

Delurking to say that I found your blog and read the archives while you were away. What a ride you've been on... I'm so glad to hear you had a great time on vacation!

Now, what would you recommend as a good, affordable chianti?

[VanillaDreams]

You do look lovely and tanned!

And I do hope the tea in the south is better than most of the rest of the US..... I've never been a fan of the brewed, plain and unsweetened iced tea which seem to be served at nearly all the US places I have thus far visited. Everytime we are down in the States, I miss and crave "Real Iced Tea" like crazy! In fact, when we were down there for our last FET, my husband attempted to purchase Nestea Iced Tea Mix (our favourite brand at home) but sadly, after hours of searching he only came across one, obscure type of Nestea product, and unfortunately it tasted absolutely disgusting.

It's amazing how only a couple hours of travel time into the US changes the way brand name products taste! I'm used to that in traveling to Europe, but I'm sometimes surprised when that happens in the US.

At least for this next FET I will be prepared and bring some of the "good stuff" from home. ;)

As far as what you had promised to write about....I recall something about a Reproductive Agenda, and a few other things....more organizational details, perhaps?

Glad you had a nice beach vacation!

[Just Linda]

My big family beach vacation was the week before yours! Maybe we passed each other on Interstate 24, huh?

This was our first time - there were 20 of us total (in one house). Only my 19 year old nephew had the common sense not to join this traveling circus. BUT? He was wrong! No one killed anyone! Nor even ATTEMPTED to! It went really well.

Someone said "Let' start planning for next year!" and we all looked stunned. We're not brave enough to temp fate on this score... I think we're taking next year off. LOL

[Catizhere]

Oh, how I miss the family vacations.... no. really. I do. All 8 kids with our respective husbands/wives and children.
We would rent the same house in North Wildwood, NJ and spend the whole week the boys would go fishing, the girls would take the kids to the beach/water park. At night we (of the over-21 persuasion) would walk around the corner to the bar and drink ourselves silly!!

Alas, our beach house was sold!!! to someone who lives there year-round and the 70-ish year old lady doesn't want all of us there. strange huh??

[Miz S]

Heh. One time I slept with a guy because he begged me for so long, and in such a whiny manner, that I just couldn't stand it any more. I was so relieved when it was all over and I could send him away and finally have some peace and quiet.

[Hoping]

oh, that is funny. you are too funny.

[Paula]

"Over wine one night, gazing out at the ocean as the waves stitched themselves into the sky.."

Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Welcome back.

[Katie]

Fellow Minnesotan de-lurking to say glad you are back!! Have missed reading new posts this past week. And I believe we were promised some pictures of your wonderfully organized cupboards!

[Heather Ann]

Julia,
I missed you so terribly when you were gone. I love the way you write, love how you think. When are you going to start writing a column in a major newspaper or magazine? Wow. You blow me away. Thanks for being part of my day.

[Elena]

Ah, good! My "refresh" finger can stop obsessively clicking, wondering where you went. Your halibut recipe inspired me to cook halibut several times over the past couple of weeks - yummy.

So I suppose The Amazing Patrick came up with a plan for world peace on your vacation? Or dabbled in some quantum physics? Does he author his own blog yet? :-)

[sozzled]

Hmm, I'll keep asking then about going out drinking, maybe we'll get it together some day...

[Nancy]

Welcome back -- the beach and the screened porch and the wine with ocean-gazing sounds like it was pretty delectable.

[Pam L]

Catizhere: North Wildwood! Phil's Rock Room!
A slice on the boardwalk (Watch the car please!) Ventnor when we wanted peace and quiet from the guys even if it meant paying the $2 beach fee. Ah bliss! and then back to hot and muggy Philly.

[caro]

Maybe this would be a good alternative next year? http://www.usedwigs.com/weekly_65.html

By the way, do you know a good recipe for an Asian noodle salad with a nutty, gingery dressing? Maybe kind of like what they have at the May Day in Powderhorn?

[Flicka]

Glad you had a good time at the beach and that it was less of a hoopla than it was last year.

And your brother...sounds like mine.