Weekends In The Country

Howdy. Every day is father's day around here so we don't celebrate it as such, but if you are grilling something somewhere in honor of 24 hours of acknowledged paternity I hope you are having a good 'un. I was in Target on Friday and we were right in front of the Father's Day card section so I thought, oh why not, and suggested that Patrick should pick one out for Steve. Which is when I discovered that my son is one of those annoying people who have to read every damned card on the rack before choosing one. Fortunately, he is only three and a half feet high so he was limited in what he could reach but it was trying. I am a grab-and-go girl myself; thus I frequently discover that I am giving birthday cards from the dog despite the fact that we don't have a dog.   

This morning Steve let me sleep until 9:30, then handed me a cup of tea and promptly departed with Patrick for a day of adventure amid playgrounds and small lakes. He even made the child a little lunch and remembered to pack both juice and a sun hat. To say I am stunned doesn't even begin to cover it. They have been gone for four hours and I have tidied the entire house, washed and put away all the laundry, written the week's menu, ordered groceries, made gazpacho, prepped dinner and brought the hanging plants back from the dead with equal doses of water, faith healing and MiracleGro. I am feeling zesty.

Which is 180 degrees from how I felt yesterday. Friday night Steve and I went to a dinner party hosted by friends in the village (I love that: "village". the town part of our town is called the village [the woodsy part where we live is alternately called "the hills" or "the forest"] and every time I say it I feel like dropping in on Miss Marple for tea and scandal.) My friend throws an excellent party and we had a terrific time. It was very elegant, what with the gravlax and sparkly crystal and help in the kitchen, but the veneer of sophistication didn't prevent us all from getting rather drunk. Rather quite drunk, actually, with much hilarity but so much so that I woke up on Saturday morning and discovered that I was fully dressed on top of the duvet and Steve was in a shirt but no pants with his feet on the pillow. Feel free to judge us in our wantonness. Patrick called my mother in Washington after he got up and told her we were still in bed and that we said "Ooof" when he jumped on us. My mother asked him to put me on the phone, which he did by tucking the receiver under my face. My mother icily said, "Get up, Zelda, and give that poor child some Cheerios." So I did. Painfully. The little squealer.            

Hmm, our reproductive plan. Yeah, I would not describe it as ideal, but what is, with us? We will give this IUI thing a try and see what happens. Personally I think the most likely scenarios, in order, are:

1. Cancellation. I had 23 and 21 follicles respectively in each IVF cycle, and that was on low dosages of Gonal-F. I think it is quite possible that I will produce more than four follicles and they will cancel me.

2. Nothing. No pregnancy. Success rates are not all that great for IUIs. 25% on the high end, maybe? Granted, I get pregnant rather a lot so we can assume that my chances might be better than that but still... no guarantees.

3. Pregnant with a singleton. Which will either be normal or not. Usual deal.

4. Pregnant with twins. We would do CVS at 10 weeks.

4a. If both are normal, huzzah. I doubt this will happen but it would be fabulous. I know that raising twins presents some challenges but, honestly, we should be so lucky.

4b. Both are abnormal. Well, damn it.

4c. One is normal, the other is not. We would do selective reduction, if necessary. We have only had one abnormal embryo make it past 11 weeks so I am not overly concerned about this. However, in theory, the normal embryo should not be affected by the demise (natural or induced) of the other one (or two I suppose). To be completely honest, this is the scenario that I think is the best-worst we can expect to face. And it is still better than #4b. Or the past ten losses.

5. Pregnant with triplets, all of whom are alive at 11-12 weeks. Um, I am having a really really hard time imagining this one. In fact, I am tempted to bring out the "reasonable person" standard applied in law. Would a reasonable person, looking at my specific history, believe this is a probable outcome? That we will suddenly conceive not just one, not two, but three viable embryos? Eh, I don't think so. Let's just say we will cross that skull-and-bones when we come to it.

6. Pregnant, quadruplets. See #5 but imagine me laughing and rolling my eyes.

My objection to PGD, by the way, is not well-reasoned. It is not as if I found a study that showed all people who use PGD are idiots. So no citations, sorry. I just know that the first time I did IVF they said here, these two embryos do not carry the translocation and I said great! And then I got pregnant and miscarried and tested the POC and it did carry the translocation. So I did IVF again and they said here, these three embryos do not carry the translocation and we said ok. That time it was blighted, true, so not the translocation but not normal either. My conclusion is that PGD is one of those things you need to get a little lucky with. You need a good cycle and a good lab and good luck. Since all we need is luck anyway I guess I just don't feel like paying for it again. I know that PGD is supposed to be more science than luck but... like I said, it is irrational.

Steve and Patrick returned a few hours ago (bearing pizza for dinner later- so much for my prep work but I do like to encourage such hunting and gathering efforts) and we have been mucking about outside ever since- Patrick watering everything, me weeding and murmuring encouragement to the verbena, and Steve building an extension for the birthday playset. Did I tell you about that? The epilogue to the in-law/swing set/birthday vow dilemma? I don't think I did but it will have to keep until tomorrow. Patrick is tangled in the hose.

I am having a delightful day. I hope you are too.

Comments

[Amber]

Is this a vote? if so, I pick 4a. Hoping success finds you again. Soon. Happy Fathers Day Patricks Daddy.

[zarqa]

Fair enough regarding the PGD decision. I'll reiterate, you *do* sound like you know what you are doing and I wish you nothing but the best luck and the best outcome.

[may]

have been lurking for awhile...i hope you get good results, whatever option you decide to do. it sounds difficult, but you do make it sound doable, so i am with you.
also, i hope you don't mind, i linked you, without asking.

[Judy]

My husband's card was a folded piece of graph paper with "Happy Father's Day!" written in sharpie blue ink. I did try to find a real card, but Daniel does not give me time to look at more then 2 cards, and so all my attempts turned up nada.

Glad you're having a good father's day. And, I get your logic. Meaningless statistics are meaningless statistics until they apply directly to you, and you're 0 for 2 with PGD - so not trying it again seems pretty reasonable to me. Shit 3 tries at PGD is a porche or a retirement fund. I day Go Turbo Baby Go.

[Judy]

My typo is annoying me..

I say Go Turbo Baby Go!

[Lucy]

The title of the post - a Sondheim reference, or just chance? Just curious. It's not a musical many people know. :)

[daysgoby]

You sound alive and busy and ....zesty. And raring to go!

I'm glad you're feeling better.

[marion]

Much as we would all like to think that you could end up conceiving three or four perfectly normal embryos in one cycle...the odds seem rather low. But, would your doctor agree to go ahead with the IUI, given your medical history, if you produced, say, five or six follicles but swore in blood that you would do selective reduction even on healthy embryos if necessary in order to get the pregnancy down to manageable levels? I know they wouldn't do that usually, but given your odds and your lack of starry-eyed unreality about the whole thing, one would think they might be willing to make an exception...

[grumpygirl]

oh julia... i hate to be the bearer of bad, sad news. (and i'm not even talking about pregnancy. in fact, the opposite.)

julia, you cannot go to target. you know why, and if you don't go to the planned parenthood website and they will tell you. (shockingly, you can go to walmart... go figure.) i know, i know, even here in brooklyn i am in target-withdrawal, especially since i found out that fiorucci has a line that. but. stop sobbing. you gotta cut the target right out of your life.

(once you get over this depressing news, i'll tell you why there's no longer any shopping at either anthropologie or urban outfitters.)

i have xanax, if you need some.

[Adria]

Julia - Any chance of getting your cycle upgraded to IVF if you over-stim? Both RE's I've seen have offered that scenario. If you end up with 5-6+ follicles, instead of cancelling, ins will pay for the converted cycle. For me at least. Something for you to ask, I guess...

[bluepaolo]

Um. Good luck with the whole pregnancy thing - but what I'm really interested to know is: how much stale bread do you use in your gazpacho? Just a little to provide some texture to the soup or a lot to make a flavorful colloidial mess?

[Georgia]

My RE did a modified injectibles cycle, much less likely to overstim...so something like 3 days Clomid, followed by 3 days Repronex. (I'm another hab-ab who was hoping for the more embryos=one will be normal scenario.)
Hope yours does something similar...
And your day sounds delightful...

[Laurie]

Been chuckling to myself all day b/c of your line:

My mother icily said, "Get up, Zelda, and give that poor child some Cheerios."

[Coletha Albert]

Thank you for your posting - I haven't laughed that hard in a while! Best to you!