Alrighty Then

Tonight's order will be chronological. The stream will be of consciousness. Bear with me. Having left Steve to his own devices for the past three days I am being heavily pressured to abandon the internet (you! he wants me to abandon you!) and come downstairs to watch SG-1 with him. An SG-1 into which Ben Browder has not yet entered, I add darkly.

So this will have to be quick. Vite! Aprisa aprisa!

I went to Blogher. It was rather fun and rather ridiculous and I am quite glad I went although I do not know if I would ever go again. One thing of note for my infertile blogging friends: DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT. Do not go. Do not ever ever go to Blogher. From the bib in the registration bag o' loot to the overwhelming mommyblogdaciousness of everything you will want to drown yourself in the pool after you poke out your eyes with the complimentary corkscrew. Seriously. No one's fault, nature of the beast, organic rather than intended but there it is. Trust me. Being a mommy blogger myself (of a kind. granted one with her very own attendant mini-Reaper) I had no problem with it all but quite a few times Julie and I (alittleJulie was there. we were adjacent roomies. I am not sure if I am supposed to say that or not so, um, keep it quiet unless she mentions it, ok?) noted that the events were not so very infertile-friendly.

Where was I?

Oh, right. It was fun, though. And funny.

Here:

Julie procured a Coke for me from a machine, which she proceeded to open in the rental car. It foamed over the top.

"Suck it!" I squealed.

"No," she replied.

Pause.

"Shortest porn film ever," she said.    

Thursday night my plane was delayed for three hours. I did the sensible thing and took my book to the closest airport bar. I had a glass of wine and read until a lifeguard from Huntington Beach decided to tell me his life story. He had come to Minnesota to surf Lake Superior (righteous!) and I think that is all we need to say about him. I eventually extricated myself and wandered back to my gate (F2), only to discover that it was eerily empty. I swore, delicately, and went to check the departures board. Where I discovered that my flight was now departing from G20. In three minutes.

I ran.

I ran and swore much less delicately and paused to gulp air and then ran some more. After about ten years of this I was rewarded for my Herculean efforts by the sight of a nice line of people still boarding at the new gate. Score. Then I realized I was going to throw up.

I was the last person on that plane with about thirty seconds to spare.

I would be lying to you if I told you that I did not immediately leap to the conclusion that I was pregnant. I mean, come on. I threw up! It is a sitcom-classic symptom. Then I used the airplane lavatory and discovered some discreet spotting. Spotting! At, like, nine days past possible unintended ovulation! Twelve little elves spelling I-M-P-L-A-N-T-A-T-I-O-N with their bodies could not have been any more clear. 

But the next day the spotting got a little heavier and I wavered in my womanly certainty. Then Julie and went to lunch in Palo Alto and I excused myself from the table to discover that I had vastly overestimated the power of the pantyliner (oh just look away if this grosses you out. honestly) I spent another few hours sort of kidding myself that it was anything other than a period before the frequent need for new tampons led me to throw in the towel and declare this ridiculous cycle a complete wash. Two days of bleeding seems conclusive, yes? Yes.

And yet...

I rolled over this morning and screamed as my breasts hit the mattress. So I did what any obsessive person would do, I took a home pregnancy test out of my trusty home pregnancy test cabinet and I tested.

And instantly saw a second line as black as the shades of Hades. I went for an hcg test today (embarrassed as hell, may I add), results back tomorrow.

So, yay, I guess! Also, whoops. Also, huh? Finally, yes, Virginia, apparently you can have sex twice on the day you get canceled with six follicles over 14 but under 18 and still get pregnant. Which looks sort of obvious when I write it out like that but it certainly did not seem obvious at the time. 

I am... well, embarrassed but I said that already. Also, damn, I don't know. Too late to do anything differently now. Might as well enjoy it while I can. I am pregnant for the twelfth time. That must be good for something right?

PS An enormous congratulations to Karen on her referral today. Have you seen how cute her daughter is? I suspect the reason it is so hot around here is that Karen's palpable joy is steaming up the place. With good reason.

Comments

[christina]

Oy, 12 times must be the charm, right? I so so so so so hope so. You are so funny and brilliant and totally deserve this. Especially after RUNNING all the way to the plane (which another woman who has NOT been pregnant 12 times and had your particular history, might actually conclude was the reason for the bleeding you mentioned...just a thought). Please, please don't keep the internet waiting forever for the results tomorrow--otherwise your hit counter will go up drastically just because of all the times I'll be checking back in.

[Sandy]

ok, seriously...I almost snorted my can of pop through my nose at the verbal exchange between you and Julie...h.i.l.a.r.i.o.u.s...

And yay for you on the +pg test, looks like I'll spend another day refreshing tomorrow waiting for your beta..I almost wore out my F5 key waiting for Karen's pics..lol..

Everything I got is crossed for you!

[Megan]

Yay! This is very exciting. And that bundle of cuteness, Maya, just about killed me. Congrats over there as well!

[Christine]

Jesus Christ.

Please send Steve over here. I've got another job for him.

I hope it goes without saying that I hope this is the one. Or one through sixth, whatever.

[SprengBlingBling]

Holy bejesus.

I am hoping you get some good news. A nice even dozen has to be the charm.

[wood from sweet juniper]

excellent blogher stories. deliciously written, as always.

my fingers are crossed for you.

[suzanne]

thinking good thoughts for you. :)

[Chookooloonks]

Crossing fingers and toes. And even pulling out a voodoo doll to perform a few chants in your favour.

'Cause, you know, we island people are like that. ;o)

Best of luck, friend.

K.

[nessa]

wowowow.

much luck. come on lucky #12!

[Lisa V]

Oh shit, you are pregnant?! Now I can't give you a rough time because I didn't get to meet you at blogher and instead totally humiliated myself to another blogger who I thought was you. And I didn't get to tell you about it in person. I would look like a total ass if I said anything about that now. So instead I will say, congratulations and luck. (But I still wish I had been ingratiating myself to the real Julia. )

Seriously, hope and luck.

[mama without instructions]

yay for you! i am in a surreal am i pregnant or not (with a million symptoms) at the moment phase right now. good luck. i really hope this is it for you!

[sozzled]

congrats. fingers and toes and what-not all crossed for you....

[DebbieS]

Wow! Did you call it, or what? I don't have any voodoo dolls but I could set my worry dolls on the job! Everything crossed for you for tomorrow!

[Marsha]

fingers and toes crossed here too.

[Judy]

How many embroys implanting leads to 2 days of bleeding? Or from the engineer in me:

Implantation spotting x ?embryos? = 2 days of bleeding
solve for ?embroys?

It's like the teen high school pregnancy that starts with "I didn't know I was pregnant I got my period every month" and ends with trying to find a babysitter for your sextuplets, so you can attend the prom.. OK, that doesn't make much sence, but it's late, and there is a heat wave on, and Daniel's been sick, so there you have it.

[Leggy]

Really hoping this is a Patrick type embryo and not like those other 10. Had thoughts of going to BlogHer 07 (am a secondary IFer- I can take the mommyblog crap) but not if you and Julie are going to skip.

[Dee]

Everything that will cross, is.

[Carla Hinkle]

Umm, congrats? And WTF??? Steve's boys may be trans-lo-mutated (or whatever the term is, forgive me) but they are DAMN persistent. Seriously. What are the chances???

Will be refreshing madly ...

[libby]

From kindergarten through about third grade I was convinced the number 12 was more special than other numbers. Hmmm, yes that sounds quite wacky, but it's true. I was an odd child. Anyway, hope the number 12 is special for you this time.

Please, universe - let Julia's special number be 12.

[Yatima]

My implantation bleeding with both pregnancies was like unto that of a stuck pig, required many tampons and persuaded me that my womb was a stony field in which his seed could find no purchase. I was wrong!

[Boulder]

Ok, so let me get this straight.

You got fanceled which leads to: sex 2 times in one day, a excelelnt meal, transcendent pairings, excellent company, "Oh Mr. ROCHESTER!" jewelry, a few days with Julie at a hotel, albeit with short porn, and then 2 lines?

Has anyone suggested grabbing a lottery ticket (or forty)?

All I'm saying...

[margalit]

I was just posting on Mom101 about infertiles and Blogher. I am not at all surprise at your reaction. I don't know how I would have handled it and I'm past my struggle and now comfortably into menopause. Or as comfortable as one can get.

And as one that cheered you and and told you to go for it despite being cancelled, YAHOO! I'm psyched for you, and praying with all my heart this this is a keeper. Totally wicked cool!

[Kat (Maternity Genes)]

Holy shit. I'm so hoping this is it for you!

[mijk]

wow, I mean congratualtions seems an overreaction huh... But well it is a start isn't it? I guess nobody told your body things were canceled..

[e]

Excellent! Shall await developments with baited breath... I mean, if there really are six in there, there must be one non-mutant, surely?

[Katty]

My gosh! Well done!

[Cat, Galloping]

i'm fastening my seatbelt!

[Pamplemousse]

Can I say I told you so??? And about Blogher, I gathered that was the general way of things when I could not find a listing for IF blogs other than under Mommy blogs. Yeah.

[Slim]

Hmm.
[when-I-was-in-your-situation storied omitted, because annoying. Also because never really in your sitch, because Steve acts like he doesn't even know who I am]

[Michelle]

Yeah! Congrats on the positive test. Waiting to hear news from the beta. Did you get scolded by the clinic?

And shortest porn film ever, how funny is that? That's usually the kind of thing you think of after the fact.

[Lala]

you.went.to.Blogher.
I KNEW it!
Good luck with this go'round.

[kathleen999]

Yay! Good luck. I'm sure we will all be waiting with bated breath.

[Toni]

I'm crossing all fingers that 1)It's not 6 and 2)everything comes out good.

NOW...the good part. Going back to the clinic and waving that stick in that nurses face. In fact, stick it up her nose. Yeah...do that for me please. :)

(Am on the ground after 'shortest film ever' :))

[anonyfrombefore]

hehehe now I want to say I told you so too.

[jenny]

Yay! I hope 12 is your magic number.

I wonder how many you've got in there. Trigger and IUI? We don't need no stinking medical intervention around here. Please tell us soon what your doctors say, esp the nurse who told you it was impossible, as I am very curious.

And as for blogher, as a lesbian infertile, yes I will always stay far, far, away. :)

[Chickenpig]

Holy Crap! I'm hoping you don't have seven in there, or how many follicles you had :)

[Mete]

Definitely yay. Another possibility. What's so wrong about that?

[Jessie]

Congrats and good luck! I'll keep all kinds of things crossed over here for you.

[Sally]

Jiminy Cricket on a Crutch!

[daysgoby]

What a nice way to begin August!

Thinking of you with crossed bits -

[Brooklyn Girl]

Fingers crossed for you, my dear.

[Anita]

Yay!!!!

I had a feeling something good was going to come out of this. I hope there are a couple of folks hanging out in there and that the odds finally go in your favor.

I go for my Beta today. I've got one m/c and two chem pgs, but I'm hoping this is the one!

[Liz]

So are you trying to tell us Julie is the father??

Wishing all the best for the Hippofamily. My fingers are crossed!

[Kim]

Fingers crossed and hoping for the very best for you guys!

[Thora]

wow

[Anita]

I must come back to add that my husband, too, is an SG-1 fan. And while I do enjoy the eye-candy of Ben Browder (from Charlotte, NC nonetheless!), I feel they've just transported him and Aeronson (sp?) from Farscape. Not that there's anything wrong with that..but I liked Farscape better.

[Kim]

WHOA and WOW...

[Mary T.]

Congrats--I'm sending good thoughts up your way: here's hoping everything continues to come up Milhouse!

[Jen]

Congrats! Also, I watched Ace Ventura last night (yard sale purchase, don't ask) and when I went to your site this morning (bookmarked, natch) and saw "Alrighty Then," I about peed my pants. I hope there's a good one in there and this all works out for you. You deserve it.

[wealhtheow]

Julia--Although my fingers must remain uncrossed to type this (and to do my job), rest assured my toes are crossed for you. I've just received two pieces of very good news (one of which was Karen's adorable little girl), so let's hope these things come in threes. Goddess knows you're due!