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I cannot tell you how much better I feel after your reassurances that four year olds are frequently willful little creeps. With no comparative experience I do not have a great sense of what normal looks like, so it is nice to hear that Patrick's abrupt metaphormosis into completely unmanageable is not a new variant of his own particular oddness.

And it isn't so much what Patrick is doing that is driving me insane, it is what he categorically refuses to do. Which is anything that he is asked. Like as a matter of principle or something. So that I am spending thirty minutes (im)patiently waiting for him to bend over and tug the velcro straps on his own stupid shoes. Or watching his knees turn blue as he wanders around without pants because he stripped from the waist for some reason and I have asked him to get himself dressed again. Setting limits every three minutes and then being compelled to enforce them over and over and over again is a total drag. I have nothing against pudding on the face, or letters that look like pyramids, or self-portraits that look like letters, it would just be nice to be able to say "OK, enough" and once, just once, have him say, "OK."

But you have told me this is normal so I feel better.

++

I wrote this three days ago and Patrick has been a cooperative joy ever since. Go figure.

My computer screen is making me sick. So is driving and looking at the television. I finally made an appointment for this Friday to see an eye doctor and I am hoping he concludes that my vision is failing because then we can correct it. Otherwise I won't be able to write here, watch Netflix, or go to Target without throwing up... which pretty much rules out my entire existence. Which is, on many levels, a depressing thought.

As much as I love you (and I do) there is only so long I am willing to nauseate myself while sitting here in sunglasses typing for your putative amusement (apparently about two minutes).

Rusty just went to the vet and is doing quite well. She said he seemed well-hydrated and his weight is holding steady, so we are continuing with the daily Azodyl and new food and will check back with them in a month or two. The secret with him seems to be keeping a drinking glass of water next to his preferred bed on top of the dishwasher and constantly refreshing it with clean water throughout the day. I am very relieved that he seems to be in good shape so far. Thank you again for all the encouragement in managing renal failure.   

OK I am now writing this with one eye squinted and the other pressed behind my palm. What the hell is this?

Comments

[Marsha]

Migraine? I think they can be induced by light system thingies like in televisions and computers. And my migraines (actually, I get clusters that come and go) frequently come with vision disturbances in tracking and nausea. It's great!

Anyway, your 4 year-old son sounds a lot like every grown man I know (stripping waist down for no apparent reason, unwillingness to do what is asked simply because it is asked, etc., etc.) so maybe it's not preschoolerness but rather him starting to become the man he will someday be? My six year old does similar things, with some quirkiness and it all sounds like another day around here with him and his dad.

[Rhonda]

What awful symptoms! ...Have you ruled out migraines?

Ah, Patrick love! He is adorable, and so is his abecedary.

Feel better soon...

[Becky]

I can see why you've become that kitchens' Bitch.

And Patrick is adorable. I'm actually glad to read that his behavior lately is normal. My almost 4 year old doesn't do anything when asked either and I was thinking he must have some disorder. So thanks for posting about it, I feel better now!

[Lala]

I didn't want to come off as chicken little but age four for me was way worse than two. People don't believe me but I lived it....

[Amy]

I agree with you Lala, age four is the temper and tantrums and attitude of age two, with vocabulary and sassiness of age four. It sucks big time. My son threw tantrum after tantrum this past weekend (his birthday party and xmas exchange and restaurant outing), all the while "pretending" to be pissed-off (trying desperately not to smile while he's acting all put-out). I vividly remember my daughter doing this, at the same age, and it isn't any better this time around.

[Laura]

Your taking Estrogen right? I swear Estrogen makes my eyesight wonky. It happened during my last FET and now it's happening again (I'm 5 wks PG). I wouldn't say it makes me sick.. it just gets weird.

LOVE your kitchen.. Patrick's story is amazing! Oh, and he is ADORABLE!

[Tania]

I have to agree that Patrick is just like Lexie who at age 4 will NOT do a thing I ask her to do, to the point that I just do it for her, which isn't the right way to handle it, but in the morning when I need to leave by 7:15 and it is now 7:30 and she hasn't even begun to get dressed, I just do it!!!

She has come up with every excuse I can think of NOT to do something asked of her!!

I finally asked her pediatrician what was wrong and his answer was "She is 4!!" That is what is wrong.....

So Patrick is just being normal, annoying like lexie at times but normal!!!

Ahhhh to be 4 again and get away with what our kids get away with.

[Elin]

I second Laura's diagnosis!

[Karen]

I had double vision suddenly last summer at age 43 and found out that my myopia had suddenly gotten worse. WTF? I so hate the opthalmologist who told me when I was 18 that my vision would stop changing when I stopped growing. Here's the big finger to you, dude! I have had to change my corrective lenses about once every 5 years since I "stopped growing."

The double vision thing happened to me (and it was awfully nauseating, too) because I am very right-eye dominant and it was my right eye that went south. My brain refuses to acknowledge that my left eye actually sends good information, so the result was that my brain gave me two different images, the right-blurry and the left-focused. Bizarre. Easily fixed, though, with new contacts. The internets had me worried that I had a brain tumor.

[Tiffany]

The entire internet's about to say "Migraines". So me too! Migraines.

I love love kids' art and those are just awesome. The big flower hands, the quotes around "A". Too too cool.

And ooooo kitchen! I should post pictures of our own recent kitchen remodel. You would laugh at us for a long long time.

[Lisa]

LOVE the kitchen!! The photo of Patrick is adorable and so is his writing project!!

Good luck at the eye doctor!!

[Anne Glamore]

Not sure about migraines, but sorry about the symptoms. Love the pic of Patrick and especially his alphabet. You know Amazon sells a product called Illustory where a child can write a story and you send it off and they bind it somehow so it's like it's "published?" I don't know if he'd like that but 2 of my boys will be getting it for Xmas - big story writers.

Real question: Is that paint or wallpaper in kitchen? Looks sleek and modern and I love it!

[Pam L]

Love the kitchen, I might kill for it, love the ABC story, sorry about the eyes. I have tow sons who would never do what I asked teh first time, or the second time, maybe the third time, after they had to admit they heard me, but still grudgingly, just because *I* asked them to do it. The 13yr old will now comply, eventually, but always with a "But first I have to...(go to the bathroom, get something to eat, go upstairs etc.).," so I know I'm not totally the boss of him anymore. But still he's easier than his older brother who now I really can't boss around as he lives on his own and supports himself. Darn. And good.

[Rach]

Does it make you feel any better to know that I would poke both of my very myopic eyes out for your kitchen?

This is a stupid question, but does Patrick already have the They Might Be Giants CD/DVD "Here Come the ABCs?" If not, go get it. He's a little old, yes, but the music is great.

[Sadie]

I covet your gleaming kitchen and understand why you would mop up spills on the counters with your own garments.

Patrick's drawing is fantastic, and he looks perfectly, charmingly insolent.

[Nancy]

Now that, that is a motherfucking kitchen.

I love A's fetching red boots and flower-hands. "A" is quite kitted up for his anniversary!

Hope the eye doctor heals thy head.

[Woody's Girl]

My goodness. Patrick is gorgeous, and a genius! The girls will be hammering down your door, Julia. Just make sure they don't damage the kitchen!

Sorry about the vision thingie. I hope it's either easily corrected with lenses, or medicated away.

[Polichick]

Sorry about your eyes. I hope you figure out what's wrong soon. :-(

Beautiful kitchen! Really gorgeous.

[Sandy]

What is not to love about your lovely new kitchen? I sigh with envy.

As for your stubborn 4 year old, well I'll trade ya my stubborn 5 year old..she is putting every gray hair on my head that she can get away with. Sometimes, I think she actually enjoys being a little snot. I love her, but I'm ready for that particular stage to be over with!

Great pictures, thanks for sharing!!!

[Nancy]

Your dog drinks from a glass? My god you're a family of high achievers.

[Vanessa]

Can I be your kitchens' bitch too?? That thing is gorgeous. Makes me want to get rid of my faux wood grained lamanated counters, peel and stick tile and the oh-so-treasured glass bird cutting board so perfectly placed IN my counter top.

I'm oh so very jealous.

And I love your Patrick. Great story.

[Natalee]

Serious. Kitchen. Envy.

Um, yeah, hope the eye thing clears up, too. Mine does that when my I need a new eyeglass precription, during a migrane, or if my blood pressure is up, so take your pick.

[Slim]

Look! A vase of flowers on the kitchen counter! Just like in shelter magazines and at open houses--I didn't know it ever happened in real life, though.

[Denise]

Jesus! I hope you're an awesome cook, because that kitchen deserves it. What is the wall covering behind the stove?

Nausea while looking at the computer? I had the same symptoms--a combination of presbyopia (age-related far-sightedness! Although I am already nearsighted, with 20/1100 vision) and also the fact that my eyes were not working together. The eye doctor did this little test where he put me in front of a machine and made me see double, and told me to indicate when the little pictures finally lined up and...they never did. I am now supposed to wear reading glasses OVER my -10.5 contacts, although I don't really see how that's supposed to help.

[Denise]

Also, Patrick is cute. Sorry; I was blinded by the kitchen. (And it was first, so you bear some of the responsibility.)

[Sharon]

1. where do you put your dishes and glasses with no upper cabinets?

2. what is the gorgeous sparkly stuff on the wall behind the stove?

3. fantastic kitchen!

[Emily]

I don't know what the hell this is, but I can tell you that I have the urge to dry-hump your kitchen.

[Trainwreck]

check out the new improved Trainwreck blog!

[Mrs. Chicken]

Oh my God. The kitchen. My kingdom for that kitchen.

[Sheila]

I might even learn to cook if I had your kitchen. Would Steve travel? My husband, although lovable, is useless in the home improvement area, and actually values contributing to the kids' college funds over new countertops. Sigh.

Patrick's story might make a great entry into PBS' Reading Rainbow Young Writers and Illustrators contest. Some kid!

[Diane]

Hey this is fun!
And Itched the I
And Jabbed at the J
And Kicked the K
And Lost it with the L
And Molested the M
And Noogied the N
And Ovulated with the O
And Pissed off the P
And Quacked at the Q
And Roughed up the R
And had Sex with the S
And Teased the T
And Unionized the U
And Victimized the V
And Wacked the W
And X'd the X
And Yanked the Y
And Zinged the Z

[winecat]

I have serious kitchen envy! Patrick and A's anniversary are priceless

[Jessica]

Lovely kitchen, adorable kid. And I loved the story.

[Christine]

Can I be the kitchen's bitch too? Because it is bee-yoo-tiful. And I am uber jealous. I just want to hug the granite.

And hopefully you'll be back to 100% soon.

[Adrienne]

Patrick's abecedary is PRICELESS - and his letters are amazingly well-formed for a 4-year-old. I also love that the first "good behavior" he identifies is adding numbers together. Kind of tells you something, huh? :)

And somehow it wouldn't surprise me if he knew the word "abecedary" as well... Does he?

Feel better!

[SarahD]

I was also going to say it sounded like aura before a migraine, but if you're not having migraines, and it's coming and going, it could be hormonally related. Several days before my period I can barely focus my eyes on anything.

LOVE your kitchen!

[Sadie]

Oh, and for everyone who's asked before me, I am pretty sure her backsplash/wall is tiled. Little, glittery, opalescent tiles. Love!

[Carla Hinkle]

Seriously, my keyboard is going to short out as I drool with envy over that kitchen. And I have a kitchen that I LOVE.

And maybe the constant "Please do ___" is sinking in more than you thought, since what A wanted for his anniversary was to be good! That is just adorable.

[jill]

Is that a Traulsen refrigerator? Beautiful kitchen and your husband did it? I can't even get mine to take out the freekin' garbage!!

By the way, Patrick is totally ready for kindergarten based on his drawing of A -- loads of little details, great fine motor control, great crossing of the midline. Check out the Gessel assessment -- it's what many private schools use to judge kindergarten readiness in 4-5 yr olds. Patrick hits every mark perfectly.

[LMM]

Major lustful thoughts towards your kitchen.

[cathy b]

When my first son was 4 he went from this easy-going, never angry or stubborn little guy into a headstrong, determined-to-be-in-charge tiny teenager.

Then I read this parenting book that suggested giving limited options to kids in every situation where they would be stubborn, so they could feel they were making the decision. Like: "do you want the turtle towel or the bird towel when you take your bath?," as a way to avoid a fight over a bath.

He took to it really well, and for a week or two life was smooth sailing. Then, one afternoon he looked me straight in the eyes and said in this lovely voice, "Mom, you can either give me candy, or give me soda."

He had broken the code. After that it never worked again.

[Alison]

I can't use an old-fashioned computer monitor-- the refresh is too slow, it makes me sick. So only nice flat-screens (laptop or LCD on a desktop) for me. Maybe you have the same?

[diane]

Holy crap that kitchen is inspiring.. what kind of fridge and stove is that?
Patick is a cutey pie!

[grumpygirl]

how old are you? presbyopia hit a little early here, @ 37. 4 years later and i'm in bifocals. it's mortifying.

[Karla]

That vision thing? First sign of AIDS.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.

[Heidi]

I'm really wondering about hormonal causes for the eyesight problems. When I was taking estrogen before my IVF--well, embryo transfer, since it was a donor egg cycle--I finally felt I had a glimmer of understanding about what my friends who get migraines go through. It was mostly nausea, often accompanied by the kind of headspinning I had only experienced previously during really good drunks. Reading was occasionally a problem; driving sometimes nauseated me on bright days; and I had to leave movies twice because they were just too colorful and jumpy. My condolences.

[mercybuttercup]

I had the eyeball thing some years ago - ended up going on disability while a bunch of stooges (I mean, specialists) kept referring me back and forth and arguing who had to be in charge of me.

As it turned out, it was optical migraines (the dr. I saw explained that the headache was only one symptom of a migraine, although most people think the headache defines it). Depakote helped a little, but I had that blurry/nauseated thing for seven months straight until I (well, my mom helped) put together some dates and realized I was allergic - get ready, this is funny - TO MY ALLERGY SHOTS. Stopped getting 'em, normal within a week. Unemployed and dead broke, but I could venture outside a darkened room!

Anyway, you probably are not allergic to allergy shots, but think about whether there's something new in your environment or diet that could be triggering it.

I stared at your kitchen for five minutes straight. I hope that's not creepy.

[Barbara]

1. I have been told: "What's worse than the Terrible Twos? The Fucking Fours." See, there's alliteration for it, so it has to be true.

2. Sorry about your eyes. I get something similar and it's just eye strain, because I'm reading/computering too much. Or maybe it was the gin.

[dliteful]

by the way, i LOVE YOUR COLUMN. L-O-V-E. when i grow up (i'm 35) i want to be just like you, with your wit, joy for life, blah, blah, blah. but i have to tell you, you complain a lot for having such a BITCHIN' KITCHEN! B-I-T-C-H-I-N. and i can say that, because i'm from the 80's. But what most disturbs me, is that you have so much (healthy, intelligent son, nice husband, nice standard of living) is that you rant so much. And the things you rant about are that you're son is so smart,(though you're really humble) is beyond his grade level in intelligence, and that you have this new kitchen you didn't initally want that you have (Sweet Jesus! You have a Wolf range, for Christ sake! AAAAAAAAhhhhhhhh!). ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! If you weren't so spot on on most issues, i would just hate myself for reading this blog! i kind of feel that you don't have a grasp on world issues and what's going on around us (afghanistan, darfur, etc). p.s i'm writing this after a martini, so please excuse me for any inacuracies/typeos, blatherings on). i still love you!
denise from venice, ca.

[KarenT]

I am so relieved to see all the comments regarding the behavior of 4 year olds. Mine will be 5 in January. About a month ago she looked at me very sweetly and said,"Moomy, I don't see why I should have to do what you and daddy want me to do, because I'm already happy just doing what I want to do!". We have sibling rivalry on top of this (our single frozen ET worked!), along with hitting, etc. Fortunately, her behavior at school is described as "perfect", although it is frustrating that she can control her behavior there ut not at home. We did have her evaluated by a child psychologist who says her behavior is "age appropriate" (!)