In Color

All hail antibiotics. Also: benadryl, children's advil, cortisone, this over the counter stuff called (appetizingly) Mucinex, and nice hot cups of tea. We will live. Thank you very much for the advice re. infections and the reassurance re. diet. Oh and so noted about the possibility that the hives could be an allergic reaction after all. They DID respond quickly to the cortisone and the benadryl, they just kept coming back for a few days. Nothing since before the weekend though so I am hopeful they are gone and were viral. Will not rule out other causes, however

I once connected with a well-hit softball right on the very tip of my index finger. I remember it like it was yesterday: first I saw stars, then I crawled into the tall grass and discreetly but thoroughly threw up. And the only reason I was there at all was because a bartender to whom I was desperate to show my etchings had asked if I could fill-in on his co-ed team. Something something about a shortage of women leading to blah blah forfeiture. The only thing I cared about was putting a glaze over his pretty green eyes but I had heard that men like it if you show interest in their little enthusiasms. They don't want to be seen as mere objects for some reason. So I went to the stupid game and I stood in the damned field watching nervously for snakes and the next thing I knew my fingernail turned black and fell off. A decade later and that nail still grows funny, all ridged and flatly splayed. And it turned out that he wasn't even worth it, although to be fair by the time I finally wrestled that Pamela to the metaphoric ground I was deeply mourning the bloody stump where my nail used to be. So faults on both sides, no doubt.

The reason I bring it up is that it was the most painful moment I have ever experienced north of my navel and one that I would not care to repeat. Coming in a close second, however, are all those times I have inadvertently snorted water into my sinuses, either by injudiciously hitting the high note while showering or failing to bring my conversation to a full and complete stop before jumping into a pool. So although I have no doubts whatsoever in the curative powers of a nice nasal sluicing (via neti pot, tea pot, drain spout or garlic press) I, personally, would rather die. But thank you very much for the suggestion and I hope someone else is able to benefit from it.

I never know what Patrick is going to be interested in on any given day.

Sometimes he decides he is going to master writing the evolutionary history of the alphabet from Phoenician to Modern             

and sometimes he spends dawn to dusk making very silly things with Legos

and, provided he manages to pursue these interests without hanging on my arm or whining a lot or standing on me, it is all the same to me, really.

All I ask is that he get himself dressed first. Which is not that much to ask when you think about it. Yet he never ever does. Ever. Wasn't there supposed to be some sort of fiercely independent stage? The I Can Do It Myself phase? What happened to that? It seems as if I have spent years with some portion of every day dedicated to following Patrick around like a sucker, underpants in hand*. Patrick, like Beau Brummel before him, realized early that the man who valets himself has a fool for a client. Every day I say, "Go get dressed, Patrick." And every day he replies, "No thanks!"

Until this morning when he shocked my lights out. He said "Sure!" and raced upstairs to dress himself.

Thusly:

 

Good heavens. The red pants, the blue and brown socks, the orange and blue striped shirt that no longer quite fits and last week's tie-dye project... together. All at once. Like a clown in a blender. Remember Steve's beloved duvet of much awfulness? Well, Steve thought this particular ensemble of Patrick's was aces. In fact when I casually called Steve over to say goodbye before Patrick went to school he couldn't figure out what I was bugging my eyes out about. Perhaps tastelessness passes through the male line in this family? Or are all children so... vivid?

He also needs a haircut.

So much for Beau Patrick.   

*It occurs to me that I might possibly preempt another one of those delightful moments in which a total stranger writes (one assumes with a straight face) "Maybe you would be blessed with another child if you knew how to parent the one you have" by pointing out that I do, in fact, set rules and boundaries for Patrick all the time. Some days are so packed with loving discipline that I need half a bottle of claret and a cold compress just to make it into bed by the end of them. However, you pick your battles with children and this is just one I never had the heart to pursue very far. I assumed that one day he would just do it on his own. And he did. In technicolor.

Comments

[Karen]

That outfit is great!!! Patrick actually did better than my DH could do. When I had my 2cnd dd, DH came to the hospital with my oldest dressed in purple pants and an orange shirt. She also had the leg of her underwear around her waist but that's a story for another day! I'm glad that you're feeling better. I was feeling a sinus infection kicking in myself, so I followed the advice of snorting a nostril full of warm water. OMG, I thought my head would explode. Yikes. So, I'm with ya on that one!

[Slim]

I think there is some special part of the brain that controls Willingness to Dress Oneself, and it has nothing to do with other whatever part of the brain controls other independent impulses. My Mr. Independent showed no interest in dressing himself until one day he was at the pediatrician's with --look, we got a motif here-- a rash. I took his pants and underwear off, turned to put a book back on a pile, turned around, and saw my child. Dressed.

And he has not done it since.

[LMM]

OK, but is he wearing underpants??

[Elin]

LMAO right now......not so much because of Patrick's ensemble, but because of the preemptive strike against little miss "holier-than-thou" out there!

Any parent who's ever gone through the morning clothing struggle knows what a milestone it is to get your kid to put on their own clothes....even if his sense of taste is underdeveloped, his sense of independence is growing, right?

Keep on truckin', babe!

[CamiKaos]

When our daughter became willing to dress herself we stopped telling her what to wear (with the exception of correcting for weather, no tank tops in the snow please). She gathers a wild look here or there, but she loves her clothes and she gets so much pleasure out of choosing her own ensembles.

He's a child; he did something FOR HIMSELF how wonderful for you. I say that outfit is high fashion!

[Erica]

When I go to the park with my self-dressed daughter I wish I had a T-shirt for myself that says, "Don't look at me, she picked out the black Ronald Reagan T-shirt and red patent leather shoes."

If my daughter could see your son's fancy get-up she would be SO IMPRESSED. That is precisely why I'm not showing her that picture!

[Gry]

I personally LOVE his outfit. At least you can get him to wear clothes! I was raised by (tasteful) California nudists and lo! their lifestyle did come to bite them in the ass come time to send me to kindergarten.

Also, I am sad for you that the Hoyas lost!

[Kelly]

W00t for the self-dressing! Mine, I'm convinced, will be dressed by his valet for the rest of his life. Granted he's only 2.5, but he has zero interest in putting clothes *on*. Off, however, he's the champ of. So typical of men!

[Aurelia]

My 10 year old still won't dress himself without me nagging him half to death. My youngest has an allergy to socks, and jackets, and underwear. I'm convinced this stage continues until adulthood. Give up now and be glad there are actual clothes on his body.

So far the only thing that ever hurries them seems to be bribery!

[oshee]

I have let my children wear all sorts of clown-like outfits, even in public. I agree it is all about picking your battles. Besides I have more often been complimented for my empowering of children than given the evil eye for allowing my children to dress themselves.

On a more serious note...

I want to thank you. See, I have a 2 yr-old that happens to possess a love of anything to do with letters or numbers. So much so I am often wondering whose child he really is. I have other children, yes..but none have been quite like this.

I have taken some of the ideas of Patrick's likes and given the option to my son. He can't get enough of sandwiches shaped as letters. You have given me ideas and reassurance that my son isn't really that odd. I look forward to the other ideas you share.

[Ang]

With a son as delightful as Patrick, I can completely understand why you continue to try for another. Let's face it, you make good baby.

[Beth TigerMoon]

Yay for the dressing of self! My just-turning-five year old prefers jammies -- 24/7. He can dress himself, but why bother, when jammies are so much better? Or at least, that seems to be his take on the whole thing.

[laughing mommy]

I have a four year old who dresses herself occassionally, but only when it is convenient for her.

And she picks outfits pretty close to the one Patrick picked. Too small, non matching clothing. Maybe a outgrown purple dress dress and rain boots and last years Easter hat.

Sometimes she is so proud of her outfit and you know she really thinks she did a great job picking it out... but I'm secretly worried that all the other moms at school will think I picked it out for her.

[bad penguin]

First of all, that outfit is awesome! I love it when kids come up with stuff like that. The tie dye plus stripes combo is priceless.

[Lisa B]

Are you sure you're not raising that boy in the middle of Haight-Ashbury (or god forbid, here in Seattle?!) instead of the depths of the Minnesota woods? :)

And did you know Beau Brummel liked his cats, too?

[Pam L]

It's the male dressing thing, they dress for comfort. My DH showed up at my workplace with our first-born dressed in a bright orange Broncos sweatshirt and some red corduroys one time and had no idea what the problem was. Of course he himself owned, for far too many years, a pair of knit KNIT houndstooth slacks, and though he realized he could no longer wear them out in public,(they were from the 70's after all) he would don them while working around the house in the winter with whatever he felt like putting on the top end, such as his favorite Bill the Cat T-shirt. We did do a lot more partying when I met him, maybe that's why I didn't notice his fashion sense-less-ness.

[cherylc]

Yeah, he'd fit right in in Seattle. My daughter puts on all kinds of wacky stuff, and rarely does anyone blink. But then, I've always been a weird dresser myself, and you, I'm sure, are the epitome of taste.

[Stephanie O]

I hear you on the clothes thing. Emmett would wear pjs all day long if I didn't insist he dress before going to school. And sometimes we have to remind him that underwear is required at the dinner table (we actually require underwear all the time, especially at the dinner table).

Patrick's sense of style (and posing ability!) is Fabulous. Simply Fabulous.

[KellyH]

Heh. When I read that last post, I didn't read the comments, but I wondered how many people were going to recommend a neti pot. I gotta say no thanks to that, too.

I think Patrick did a great job dressing himself!

[tgsdmom]

The outfit does not look too bad to me, but I am no judge on such things and never was. My second son once went to preschool with no pants on. It was summer time and he had a rather long T-shirt on, so we didn't notice...
I rather like the Lego persons. Spooky :)

[liz s]

So all I noticed before reading the post was his smile. I was thinking how cute he looked. At closer glance, OK, not the best match but hey who cares.

[terri c]

Patrick is awesome. I am so glad you keep posting photos. We'll all enjoy his individuality and color sense until peer pressure kicks in, and heaven only knows WHAT that will compel him to wear. Yes, recurring hives can be an allergy, an allergy to some substance that has a long half-life in the body. Glad he is better, you too.

[carosgram]

What a handsome young man! With a true sense of style. Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy!

[Christine]

Paul put out some clothes for Max the other day. I looked at them and tried to gently ask if he felt like the ensemble matched. He looked at me like I was insane. Which I guess I was - Paul wears only white shirts because he finds colors too difficult.

Patrick looks great. So do his lego creations.

[cathy b]

RE: the salt water snorting thing, I also had always feared and hated the idea of any kind of water up my nose. I refused to put my face in the water when I took swimming classes, then discovered the wonder of nose clips when I was a little older so I could swim in my friend's pool. When we were choosing high schools, I learned that the public school in my town required that you take swimming, and nose clips were not allowed, so I faked some deeply religious beliefs so that my parents would send me to the Catholic school, which did not have a pool. My mom got a new job to pay for that. I would have felt ashamed if I did not HATE getting water up my nose so badly.

But years later, when I was in such pain and so miserable with a sinus infection, I thought I'd try it just once. And you know--when you are doing it to yourself, so that you expect it and it is not a surprise, it doesn't hurt. I don't do the neti pot, though, just put a spoonful of salt water in my palm and snort it on each side. Just a teaspoon of salt in a cup of water is all you need.

[cathy b]

Patrick is truly beautiful. Let him dress however he needs.

One of my sons' friends, when they were that age, was a girl who put together the world's strangest clothing combinations. Not creative/strange, but stubborn & obsessive strange: like wild-colored pants tucked into striped kneesocks with her brother's pajama top layered over a sweatshirt. She is now a ballet diva in a top company and dresses beautifully.

The kids who really know themselves when they are young often do amazing things when they are older.

[Denise]

My three-and-a-half year old refuses to dress himself completely. He'll do the underpants and pants but nothing else. Color me shocked when we were over at a friends' house for a playdate and I caught him PUTTING ON HIS OWN SOCKS. The little stinker.

[Toni]

The things my hubby lets Muffin and Bear wear to school - let's just say that they look very similar to Patrick's outfit. Only my Steve picks them out himself - it's not the girls doing it.

But this from the man that owned teal shorts when we were dating. And it was NOT the 80s...it was 2000. Very sad.

[Maureen]

Looks like an outfit my husband would pick out to wear! Love Patrick's smile!

[Vanessa]

Ah, yes, the self-dressing thing. My daughter is in a tricky place with that -- while she would still very much like to recline and be dressed by her lady-in-waiting (me), she's also recently discovered modesty and doesn't want anyone to see her naked. So she'll ask me to, for example, put her pajamas on, and then when I start to take off her clothes she'll shriek and cover herself with both hands so I can't make any progress. Sigh.

[Natalee]

First off, my apologies for not informing you of the awesomeness that is Mucinex earlier-my bad.

Secondly, I can't believe how much Patrick is changing-looking more and more like a big boy everyday!

Thirdly, I'm always quite amused when I see kids dressed like Patrick in public. I sympathize w/the parents, because even in my involuntary childless state I know that there are some battles you just need to avoid. Besides, I think it's endearing to let them express themselves through fashion. I've always said I won't care what my kids wear (as long as it's weather appropriate and never, ever slutty) or how they do their hair-just as long as they are dressed. After all, they're the ones going around looking like fools, not you.

[baggage]

Water up your nose in shower/pool..very painful.

But if you use a special sinus rinse..the added salt in it makes it not sting. I bought a sinus rinse kit and it doesn't hurt at all. One day I ran out of the mix stuff, so I just shot water up my nose without the salt mix.

Hurt like a bitch.

But the rinse stuff is good stuff. Here's hoping you feel better soon.

[Tracey]

Oh.. for the record.. My gifted brain/ geek child has no clue how to put clothes together in an acceptable manner.
We have solved this with a simple. either or selection at night.
We are very much into being prepared the night before for the next morning.
So at night before bed.. I simply ask -- would you like to wear THIS or THIS tomorrow. when they wake up. its right there. No problem. no arguments.
Just a thought.
Tracey

[mcb]

I'm in awe of those lego creations. They are totally fab.

[Naomi]

That's a great outfit! He shows much the same taste that my six-year-old did at his age. My husband used to wish we had a pin-on button that said "I Dressed Myself!" so he could put it on her before taking her places and people wouldn't give them sad, pitying "ohhhh, that poor baby got dressed by her incompetant Daddy" today looks.

She dresses herself pretty much normally now, except for the day last month when she wore a shirt and tights to kindergarten and forgot the skirt.

[Heather G]

I finally realised why I see so many fairies and spidermen out and about.

[shiso mama]

i think i may be a little late with advice, but my doctor told me to use saline nasal spray (specifically, "ocean" brand) every day, twice during the winter, to help stave off sinus infections and illnesses. sort of like nasal irrigation lite.

[swissmiss]

Hey, if Small Boy ever dresses himself I won't care if it's inside out and upside down. It is a source of great pride around here that he puts on his own jacket. Clothes are but a pipe dream.

According to family legend I once came downstairs in a polka dot skit and a striped shirt. My mother said I couldn't go to school like that and I legendarily replied "Maybe one day I'll grow up to be a famous fashion designer!" Yeah.

Do they still make Granimals? (or am I dating myself?) Remember those? All the shirts tagged Tiger will match all the Tiger pants etc?

[MollieBee]

He is such a handsome boy.

[V]

I guess my DH is just weird then, because he is the one who freaks out when his or his son's clothes do not match. He even dresses me sometimes(well, he tells me what to wear if he doesn't like my outfit)! My son of 8 loves to wear all the same colour but did not always. So they do eventually learn and then come the teenage years and all taste goes out the window again. So you may as well just get used to it now.

[Anonymous]

Oh, my word he is a gorgeous little kid. Ridiculously smart, cute and hilariously original! What an adorable little boy. Yeah, you've really gotta stick at it (going for number 2).

[mijk]

My mom had for occasions like this a buuton that said: "I dressed myself today"

So if you need to get out blame the kid (I once treathened my husband to make one that said "daddy put my clothes together."

[Barbara]

Well, I can dress myself but I would really prefer to wear pajamas. In conformance with society's expectations I do get dressed most days. When I was Patrick's age I believed when I was grown-up I could do whatever I wanted. Anyway. As long as my children would dress themselves, I let them choose what to wear most of them time, as long as they were decent. You have to insist on conventional apparel for church and so on, but pick your battles.

[Katherine]

I think he looks perfect. Good job!

[Lydia]

He's so CUTE!!!

That's all I've got.

[maggie]

All he needs is some plaid. Plaid + stripes + tie-dye + a nice pattern = perfect outfit for small kid. Good job, Patrick!!

[Lisa K.]

My eight year old son has never gone through the independence stage either. Let me tell you, I am so ready for it, though I love his snuggles and will miss them someday. I will not miss dressing struggles, or having a tag-along no matter where I am in the house (including the shower). He will, finally, most days but not all, make his own breakfast but if I am in the shower getting ready for work he drags the toaster and bagels and goat cheese (no other cheese will do)into the bathroom. Can you say yuck? And the outfit--still getting ones like that at age eight on the odd day he will pick out his own clothes. Patrick is adorable, as is my son, so I hope the adorableness continues to work in his favor (my sons, that is). He also never stops talking and will rarely play on his own. If he weren't cute and endearingly entertaining I think it would be a long life ahead for both of us. Love him dearly, but he is exhausting.

[jenn]

Patrick looks great! How else is he going to develop his own taste? I like the stripey hippy combination personally!

I loved your story about the softball incident. It reminded me of when my first (practice) marriage was falling apart and I unwisely agreed to play on a co-ed indoor soccer team with my soon-to-be-ex. (At the time I didn't understand his new interest in sports, but later I met the new girlfriend and her huge biceps! ha!) Anyway, I was SO bad at soccer, culminating in my last game ever in this lifetime. I never even saw the ball coming! My forehead suddenly got really hot and I was dizzy, and people were yelling and slapping my butt and congratulating me on a great save. It was horrible! And all because I was too spaced out to duck! I quit right then!

[Wendy Noel]

I like Patrick's outfit. It looks fun, and shows character - and he seems to be so pleased. Aren't boys awesome?

[teki]

Vivid...what a great way to put it. With my daughter we called her FoF, for Fan of Flash. The flashier the better. Viva la Flash!