Bear With Me

Once upon a time I moved in with my father and stepmother after graduating from college and I was an utter nightmare. Truly horrible. I am typing this with one hand over my face in shame as I recall the series of mostly drunken and completely obnoxious behaviors that culminated in my leaving them a note one day explaining that I would be living in Honduras when they returned from their weekend trip. So... back in a year or so - see ya.

In retrospect, it was kind of my stepmother not to kill me during my tenure under their roof. Young people rarely appreciate the little courtesies of the older generation and I am sorry to say that it took almost a decade for me to fully appreciate her forbearance. But I did and I assume she forgave me and everything was fine until my brother and I had a Bleak House-esque falling out with my father. Over money, of course, like most family quarrels. Being as it was with my father, though, the "quarrel" involved no raised voices and no angry words. I sent him a cold email expressing my displeasure with certain (one might say greedy) behaviors and he... never wrote back. Thus starting an estrangement that lasted for about four years. My brother, meanwhile, had promptly and happily reconciled with them and spent his free time (which was considerable after giving up golf) urging me to make nice.   

I resisted, not so much because I don't like my father or did not frequently find myself reading something I thought he would enjoy but being unable to share it; but because I hate awkwardness and I wasn't sure how to get back in touch without it.

Then right after Christmas my brother verbally sketched a scene of such melodramatic pathos (my aging father who hates the phone rushing to pick it up in hopes it might be me calling) that my cold proud heart was melted and I sent the man a damned email.

Reply, reply, attached photos of Patrick, reply, tentative visit suggestion proffered, accepted, reply, difficulty finding acceptable time, reply, Arizona getting hotter by the second, final decision made to go May 10th. I'm not sure why I thought it would be wise to make this visit between transfer and beta, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. I guess because I can more easily imagine becoming a professional trombonist than I can visualize discussing any of this with my father ("any of this" incorporating: pregnancy, miscarriage or IVF) and I figured it would be a nice distraction.      

Speaking of nice distractions, I am off to get my eyebrows tended to by the lovely and capable Kelly of the Wax.

And if you feel you were brought here under the false pretense of cycle news or preschool aggressor musings, get in line. My brother called last night and asked, point-blank, whether there was any way to determine if a pregnancy exists prior to the blood draw and, if so, to take the required steps forthwith. I almost hung up on him.    

Updates later this week, unless I am baked to death by the hot desert air; in which case it has been a pleasure knowing you. 

Comments

[reenie]

Have a fabulous distraction. I think I will from now on call all vacations and/or trips distractions. Seems appropriate. Anyway, I hope it goes swimmingly (I have my own problems with Father (who left his wife with four children under the age of six so he could marry his mistress who then, ironically, cheated on him and has hated him in some small part of her homewrecking soul) and have not a clue how to act except with shallow niceties). Whew! So...yeah.

[Menita]

Good luck with your father.

[cursingmama]

Have a good trip. (figures you would leave just as weather becomes warmish - no?)

Counting days in head.....will you be home for the aformentioned day of the draw or will you be teaching Patrick the fine art of cooking an egg on asphalt?

[e]

I hate that falling out with fathers thing. I have a very on-off relationship with mine, even though I actually enjoy his company for a few hours at a time, and my husband gets on well with him. After his last major excess, I didn't speak to him for 15 months until April, and he has.no.idea. why. Our last meeting a month ago was a slightly tense occasion. Hope yours goes better... I'm guessing your father thought you were cross with him, and was unwilling to expose himself to further opprobrium. Silly fathers...

[Amber]

Never been there, but I think its safe to assume they sell HPT's in AZ. please check. let me know what you find.

hope your visit is nice. Dad can be so wonderful...when they act right.

[Matthew M. F. Miller]

I'm sure they do sell HPTs in AZ. The upside being, of course, that now you'll be able to say you've had to endure asking the pharmacist to open the lockbox and allow you access to a simple test in at least 2 states.

Oooh - I wonder if she'll say something stupid to you??

What a ridiculous situation. Have a safe trip.

[Christiana]

Enjoy your distraction, Julia. We (im)patiently await the news of your test. You can pretty much assume that it will be hot as blazes in AZ (my computer tells me the forecast is 102 on Thursday in Phoenix) so enjoy your sweating and then come home and tell us all about it!

[Pam L]

But it's a DRY heat--- yeah, right. Like it was a dry heat here last summer when my son and I spent the day at a track meet in a sweltering 105 degrees, at least I found a tree to camp out under unlike the poor kids on the black rubber track. But Phoenix? I think not. Do you remember the comedian ,Sam Kinison?, that did that routine about people who need help from the world, they are starving and dying of thirst because they live in the desert? His answer; "GET OUT OF THE DESERT!" That's how I feel, besides they take all our water for their millions of golf courses. But I'm sre you'll be fine.

[Slim]

I hear HPTs are so small they can fit in a suitcase with no trouble or sacrifice of other items.

[Gretchen]

Not sure where in AZ you are going, but, if it is Tucson, you really need to eat at a place called Pinnacle Peak. (Do not allow anyone in your party to wear a tie.) Have the Western Pit Beef. It's amazing. My main regret in moving away from Tucson is the fact that I routinely and crave that meal and NO ONE ELSE, ANYWHER on the PLANET seems to make it right.

Gretchen

[Vanessa]

It's only going to be in the low 100's. Not bad for this time of year! I high-tailed it out of the valley into the cooler mountainous regions. By the way - if you ever have the chance, I recommend spending some time in Prescott(like bisquit, not scott). It's very quaint and charming and the best town to live in. But I might be biased! Hope this visit with your dad has some healing in it and a let it be a wonderful distraction.

[Christine]

I fully expect you to leave enough room in a carry on bag to bring me back to cooler temperatures with you.

[Beth]

I'm hoping you have a good trip.

[Loona]

Have a good trip. It's crazy hot there now; think loose, thin and flowy clothes.

[joy]

if you do decide to eat at Pinaccle Peak Patio, where they notoriously cut off men's ties, you'll want to be certain that you're in Phoenix/Scottsdale as Tucson would be about a 3 hour drive. have fun... it's nice here... for now!

[Michele]

I had that sort of falling out when I stuck my nose into a "fight" my sisters were having. They are (sorta) speaking again but I haven't spoken to my other sister since I butted in. I've tried making amends in the past but nothing has worked.

I am glad that you and your dad are speaking. I hope that you have a great trip to go out and see him. :)

[joy]

whoops, whaddya know... there's a pinnacle peak restaurant in tucson, too. i never knew!

[nate]

Phoenix or Tucson? Or elsewhere? If Phoenix, and you're dying to get out of the house, go to the desert botanical gardens. Wear a hat & sunscreen. Patrick may even get to see a gecko or 2...

[mellie]

First, for those of you who read the comments--here's the definition of the word used it e's comment--thanks for that! Maybe I'm the only one that didn't know what this word meant but I swear I have never seen it before and don't know how it got in my purse.

opprobrium \uh-PRO-bree-uhm\, noun:
1. Disgrace; infamy; reproach mingled with contempt.
2. A cause or object of reproach or disgrace.

Second, Julia, you are so lucky to be going to AZ because you will feel like a woman 10-15 years younger 60 minutes after getting off the plane. There's a reason old people live there--your joints will dance a jig.

Good luck on that other thing as well!

[CharmingDriver]

YAY for reconciliation!

Also, eff me in the a re: ''dry heat'' because yeah, I'm pretty sure the heat in my oven is dry too but I don't wanna spend time hangin out in it.

[Ali]

Funny . . . well, not really, but was thinking about AZ recently. Formative years there, you see. Anyhoo. Have a great time there. I don't have any ideas of great places to go--what with all the strip malls as of late (Kidding! The Zoo! Go to the Phoenix Zoo!). And Tucson is just all around great. Anxious to hear about the beta results . . .

[pink]

We spent an amazing three days at Sanctuary on Camelback in Scottsdale last August--yeah, it was hot, but apparently I was born to live by an infinity pool with nice preppy boys bringing me smoothies and occasional reminders of my upcoming spa treatments. If you get really upset with your dad, head over there. Patrick might not want a massage, but he'll love the pool.

In terms of the whole dad estrangement thing, I totally get that. I didn't talk with my father and step-monster for 11 years. We had a strained, but polite, relationship for the last three years of his life. Everyone else in my life always said it was important that we reconciled before he died, but really, in the end, it was so superficial that I don't know that it made a difference. (Sorry, still some bitterness there.)

Best of luck and enjoy your distraction.

[oshee]

Oooo...you are what is bringing us the 100+ temps for the next week. Bring shorts and maybe buy way-over-priced tickets to the Suns game on Saturday. (Sorry Diamondbacks are out of town).

I do not think the Zoo is a good idea in this weather, but it is a fun zoo.

I wish you a happy trip.

[alchemilla]

Jules,

Don't pee on a stick. Uncooperative little fuckers.

Experiment 10 May 2007, universe total = 1 (Alchemilla). Results do not disprove the hypothesis that the getting of bad news is worse than the anticipation.

Buuuuut, because it's still 2 days before official test day (currently 11dp3dt) I can't throw myself down the stairs in frustration.

Do you think if I started a family feud immediately it would serve as distraction?

[magpie]

Have a wonderful trip and good luck with your father. BTW, pee sticks are not for sale in Arizona - they were banned by the state legislature. JK. Stay away from them.

[Nancy]

Good luck -- I've had many a family feud and know well the awkwardness of the olive branch. My sister and I didn't speak for a year back in the day when she was a vituperative asshole (what? you thought it was me?) and we finally got over it not with a bang, but sort of a hesitant, wary whimper. By the next day even, things normalized.

Best of luck with the trip (moisturizer and wine seem like suitable helpmates) and very very best of luck with the transfer. Pins, needles, etc.

[Susan]

My dad and I didn't speak to each other from the time I was a senior in high school til I was 30. I decided that when I was getting married that it was time to work things out. I wrote a letter, he wrote back, etc. It was awkward at first. That was several years ago and things are "normal" now, although that time is never mentioned. We just pretend it never happened. I'm glad you are patching things up, and you get to feel secretly superior because you made the first move!

[snickollet]

Best of thoughts for the trip and the transfer.

[Lady In Waiting]

That's quite a distraction that you have planned! I am proud of you for taking the courageous step of trying to repair your relationship with your father.

Best of luck!

[carosgram]

Good Luck and Safe Journey

[Melinda]

Hey Julia:
Just got the latest Redbook Magazine in the mail and loved seeing you IN PRINT. Very cool. Great picture! Hope you're having a good trip to AZ.

[Erin]

Not going to beat the dead horse with the good wishes, etc. (even though I do hope this one goes well for you), but seriously... a Bleak House reference? The English teacher in me wants to make out with you. I just finished BH for the 73rd time last week. I love that damn book. And now you.

And re: a dry heat? Screw that. Hot is hot. Wear linen.

[JuliaKB]

Hope your flight to AZ went well.
The red company, btw? NOT cool.

[Jb]

ok, went over to redbook - which I just have not felt like creating a sign-in - but woohooo on the maybe!!

[Donna]

re: the latest Redbook entry.
Chills, chills, chills.
Been reading you for quite some time, through many of your losses.
Am hoping for you again, hoping this time will be different.

[Pam L]

I hope you are not baking to death as we speak. It is 84 here right now, which is plenty warm enough for me. Warm enough in the sun but so far able to get by without A/C inside and everything is spring green, not heat blasted yellowish brown. I also read the other post and am so happy for you. You must be flying high, even without the grog.

[kathleen999]

Congratulations on the positive and I hope they keep turning out positive! :)

[Jeanettte]

Ugh - I don't know how I live here, and it's been almost eight years. Two and a half weeks ago I was wearing jeans, now my children burn themselves when they get into their carseats. I hate summer in Arizona (but I love winter here just as much - so it balances out).

If you're in phoenix - drop me a line, I'll show you around the town. I'm betting Bella can find Patrick a lizard in our backyard that he can take home on the plane (dont' your cats need a new toy?)

Jeanette

Jeanette

[SarcastiCarrie]

OK, note to others: Read the Redbook. She said she's going to put up a link every time she posts there, but internet connectivity in AZ being what it is (what with the copper wires melting in all the heat and sun), I suppose it just wasn't possible.

May I suugest Dollar General brand HPTs? At least then the compulsive testing isn't blowing $8 a pop. And, according to the package, it detects a 25 hCG level. I think that's as good as First Response.

[Beth]

I read the other post. Hoping, hoping, hoping ....

Also hoping the visit is going well!

[elise]

This was a very telling post.

[Centime]

My sister is also here this weekend. I do apologize for the heat. I know it's dificult for you midwesterners. But remember, we dont' have to shovel it!

[Mony]

Bear with you?
You know what? I HAVE beared with you! Since May 9th!
I'm busting over here! WHAT IS HAPPENING????!!!!

[Toni]

Read REDBOOK....yeah!!!!! Crossing all things that are cross-able.

[Denise]

Just saw Redbook...forgot my user name there...also fingers crossed, thumbs held, positive thoughts etc etc for you. Keep us posted.

[Lisa]

Hello???? I can only hit refresh on REDBOOK a couple more times before my computer blows up. Update please!!!!!!

[terri c]

Read REDBOOK post. Sending congratulations and hope, hope, and more hope. Your joints may feel ten years younger in AZ but it will be too hot to dance a jig. Hope visit goes well, hope YOU are well.

[parodie]

Saw Redbook post, like others - hoping right along with them!