Dog Days

My mom was here and now she is gone and I feel sad. I always feel sad when my mom leaves. I also feel sort of guilty because this time I was kind of a lump. I still feel gross most of the time and the combination of nausea, sleepiness and anxiety over the CVS results conspired to make me fairly doltish. I don't think she minds but I wish in retrospect I had exerted myself to be a better hostess.

We took Patrick to see Ratatouille yesterday, mostly over his objections but he was fine once we got there. I mean, fine apart from being a little scared by the all the loud chasing of the rat with the shotgun and then the knives. This was his second movie theater experience and his ability to sit quietly in the dark for over two hours was exemplary. He even managed to keep it together for Shrek the Third, which was a terrible movie. Now I try, heaven knows I try, not to judge my fellow parents. When I see some kid freaking the fuck out in the aisles of Target I do not sniff and glare but always offer a warm smile of commiseration. Granted my child does not throw loud public tantrums but he also will not use a zipper. We all contend with things that others might easily dismiss with the words "I would just/never/always... ." Yes? It is easy to assume we would manage the situation better but we do not know the child or what the deal is - so judge not. I have discovered, however, two personal exemptions to my tolerant acceptance of all. One is when the freaking out goes on and on and on and on and the parent fails to remove the kid. This is particularly true in restaurants and other places (like libraries) where a well-behaved child is not necessarily a problem for other people but a screaming one is. When it becomes clear your shhh shhh shhh'ing is not having the desired effect as the kid increases Defcons, you need to go outside for a bit. No hard feelings, just scoot along. And my newest one: DON'T TAKE A TODDLER TO A TWO HOUR MOVIE. Good lord, man, that child is barely walking! I don't know if you are giving Mommy some time alone or if it is your custodial weekend or what; but surely there are things your less-than-two-year-old might enjoy more than sitting still for one hundred and twenty minutes listening to someone rhapsodize about well-seasoned food? A playground, perhaps? The public pool? And you there, sir and madam in the front of the balcony row, your little girl did manage not to yowl for almost an hour so perhaps it was a well-intentioned treat for her, but the small brother started to lose his mind before the previews were even over. And while it might not have disturbed your viewing pleasure to have him dangling precariously headfirst over the railing like that I thought I was going to have a coronary. It's not even that the children were irritating me, personally. It is the fact that they clearly were not enjoying themselves and I just cannot understand the point of the outing if the child is not having fun. It's summer! It's the weekend! Go... play.

Patrick came home from the movie and announced that he would now be preparing his own dinner. I said, um, ok, maybe, what were you thinking of making? "I don't know yet!" he snapped and rummaged around for a pan. He placed the pan on the stove, brought a chair over to the stove to stand on, and imperiously demanded some butter and some water for boiling. Part of me was tempted to just go along with it because now we will never know what else he would have put into the pan. Eggs? Apples? Vinegar? However, I was able to coax him away from the stove and we settled on my picking the recipe, his reading me the ingredients, our kinda chopping the choppables together, and his putting everything into the pans. I try really hard not to push Patrick in one direction or another (you know, since he is not me and he is only five) but I would LOVE to have him get into cooking. How great would that be? Him, making dinner. Me, sitting there with a book waiting to be fed. So can you recommend any good cookbooks for children or for cooking with children? Not that I am pushing, I add hastily. Encouraging. Nurturing. Whatnot.   

The REDBOOK blog is so ugly right now that I am reading it while shading my eyes with my hand and squinting. My editor/co-blogger started posting and people... took it badly. And I can see so many of the sides of the situation that it is like being blinded by a prism. On the one hand I am getting to know this woman and she is terrific - funny and edgy and bright and just cool. In fact, everyone I have ever dealt with at the magazine has been as kind and supportive as a bunch of first-rate kindergarten teachers. I watched "The Devil Wears Prada" just before I started with them and I had these visions of mean professionals sending all of my stuff back covered with red (blue? purple?) corrections attached to sneering emails but really they are as sweet and gooey as s'mores. And they mean well. The blog means well. They saw room for another online infertility whatsit and decided to provide one. It's not their fault my IVF cycle worked and I spent two weeks talking about e2 levels followed by two months obsessing over genetic results. But as a long-standing reader of infertility blogs I can only imagine how people felt when first I get pregnant (with twins!) right off the bat (genetics notwithstanding) and then Lili introduces herself to Infertility Diaries as just returning from her maternity leave (with twins!) Ai-yi-yi. And I feel awful about it. I know that she was just explaining her infertility connection before swinging into less personal topics but I also know that this was not made clear. And people freaked. And I don't really blame them. Gak. I always feared the REDBOOK blog would wind up generating a lot of shrill and acrimonious comments but I had also assumed that they would be directed at me. And hey, maybe they still will. It's kind of a mess and I hope it blows over. In the big scheme of things it is not important (my brother, who must've been having a tough day at the office, listened to my infertility blog related hand-wringing for a while and then said, "Do you know what is REALLY sad? Eighteen year olds dying of cancer. That's what") but I like my blogs and I hate it when people are upset by them.               

About the XX/XY thing... now honestly. Do you think I found out the sex of the fetuses and then did not tell you? Like I would be able to keep this massive secret for... well for however long? Do you even KNOW me? Have I ever kept a secret? Like, EVER? No. The conversation went like this. First she said things were great, then we covered the delay in getting results, then she said:

"Now, fetsus Aaaaaaaaaaaa... wait, do you want to know...?"

And I said, "No no no no no. No. Just whether the chromosomes are ok."

So she said, "Yes. 21 18 13 and the... the sex chromosomes look fine."

So that, my friends, is exactly what I know. And the question mark was placed in the last post to convey that I know there are at least two Xs but an unspecified number of Ys, if any. I DID see an unbelievably large penis on fetus A during the Mayo ultrasound but shortly after identifying it I realized the ultrasound tech was checking it for blood flow so I concluded it was actually an umbilical cord.

Do you think my head will explode before the CVS results show up? What if they are not really available tomorrow?       

Comments

[akeeyu]

Hey, maybe the tech was checking the incredibly large penis for proper blood flow.

Re: Lili. Gah. Her posts make me flinch. You totally need to post more often, just to knock hers off the top.

[long lost friend F.]

Hey, I TOTALLY jinxed every single pregnancy since Patrick, right? So I laid low for this one. But now it's looking like I can resurface...so, can I call you tomorrow? I'll be your imaginary friend again....

[Emil]

Re: cookbooks, you might try "I'm Just Here for the Food," by Alton Brown. He explains the science behind cooking, like how different methods of heating do different things to foods, and he includes lots of entertaining diagrams. It might not be appropriate for Patrick--I know he reads well but it's not geared towards kids. But he still might like it.... Unfortunately I haven't been too thrilled with the recipes, but I am kind of picky and anyways the book is definitely fun to read.

[JuliaKB]

A friend of mine recommends "Pretend Soup" as a kids cookbook. Simple recipes and a lot of pictures.

I admire your restraint. There is no way I could keep from finding out the sex(es).

There is no way they will mess with you twice about the results-- they have to be in tomorrow. Keeping everything crossed till then.

[Sally]

Oh, they'd BETTER be calling you tomorrow. Let's hope for 8 am, and that they wake you up. That's not to sound mean, I'm just saying so you don't have to wait is all.

And oh my YES - the toddler at the movie thing. And even worse - what's with people taking their kiddies to see WAAAAY not kiddish features? The man and I went to a movie the other week - Knocked Up - and there about 4 rows in front of us some Dad and his two kids, maybe 2 and 4 were all sitting there, popcorn at the ready, watching this rated R movie! I could not concentrate on anything but them. I winced at every "fuck", and every partially nude scene (which are two reasons I GO to the movies usually, THANKS Bad Dad!) until THANK GOODNESS, they acted their age and began to scream until he removed them and himself from the theater. But WHAT THE HELL?!

[JuliaKB]

Here's the url: http://www.amazon.com/Pretend-Soup-Other-Real-Recipes/dp/1883672066

Have fun.

[Kate]

Ooh, I agree that Patrick will like Alton Brown - he's a lot of fun and the food is pretty good to boot.

[kararipley]

Yeah, the whole Redbook thing... Lili's introduction was indeed the last thing I wanted to read on the day after I find out this 15 week pregnancy is no longer viable (the baby actually died somewhere around week 9). Just not cool. I'll just be coming here and if you tell us there's a new post--by you--up at Redbook, then I will go to read up on the rest of your update.

She probably is the sweetest lady and I am glad she has survived the trenches, but for those of us still suffering, it hurts to go somewhere that is supposed to be a safe haven and be hit with an "I just got back from maternity leave with twins, thank you very much" bomb.

[Pat]

I like soup for kids because of the basic chop everything up, pop in pan, boil, done element of it. No stirring or flipping or other reasons to hover over or near the hot stove. And it's hard to spoil so the little ones will not be faced with disappointment.
Also grilled sandwiches. Anything where preparation is simple, there is no real monitoring during the cooking process and results almost guaranteed.
Also encourage him to explort mixed drinks. A banana smoothie is easy to make (banana, ice, milk, maybe sugar, dash of ground cinnamon)

On Redbook: even as I sympathised with those who felt hurt, I was appalled at the viciousness of what I see as an anti-Lili campaign. Sad.

Kids at movies: you felt bad about the kids being dragged to "G" movies that they do not enjoy. I freak (and JUDGE) when I see little ones in R movies where they have no place being. Do the parents really think tha the sex and violence is just going over their kids' heads?

[Beth]

I'm not sure what I did my but eldest loves to cook and has been making the evening meals since he was 14. Blessed be, as I loath cooking. So, your fantasy is not unreasonable, you just might have to wait a while.

Re: Lili. Oh. Dear. Amazingly wrong-footed entrance. Ouch.

What do you mean you didn't find out their sexes?? Granted, there are few, if any, guarantees in this life: I, after all, thought I had a son until she grew up (current age: 8) to be transgender. But still. Did you just not want to know yet? Or are you hoping not to find out until they're born? I'm being nosy! Sorry!

Hoping for early, early morning results for you. Hang in there.

[Pam L]

I would not even dip a toe into the fray at Redbook. My gut reaction was , why do they dislike Lili so?, even given the facts of her twins, isn't that what everyone is hoping for, children? I also did not perceive anything she said as cold or flippant, but I am not in the same shoes as everyone there, so I don't know. It seemed to me, even though she did not give volumes of details, that she proved her street-cred in the infertility realm with what she did tell us.
On another note, my boys love to cook and started with scrambled eggs as they were 1)simple & quick, 2) cheap (if ruined-no big deal) and 3)easy to add interesting ingredients to, when cooking on their own. They also helped me with baking a lot when younger, measuring, mixing, reading the recipe to me. My 21 year old got his own Betty Crocker for Christmas this year and now makes pizza from scratch, yeast dough, the whole shabang and invited us over for shrimp & tortellini rosa ,which was a light creamy red sauce, very good! It makes me proud.
I actually have seen adults take young kids to late movies, like the last show, which is usually and R rated thing. No babysitter? Stay home! rent the DVD and put the poor kiddos to bed. The balcony scene would have scared me silly. I watched a mom trying to get a baby out of her car for about 5 minutes while the 3 year old ran around the car in circles farther and farther out in the middle of a very busy parking lot. Get the baby out first THEN the kid, lady! Get a clue. I had to tell her, "Excuse me, your son is running in the middle of the parking lot!!!" And she looked at me like, why are you telling me this, and continued getting the baby and finally called the other one over. Yikes.

[Julia]

Kara I am so very sorry for your loss. And I am sorry that you got blind-sided at REDBOOK so shortly thereafter. Truly.

People take kids to R rated movies? Are you kidding me? You can tell how long it has been since I went to one. I did note yesterday that it must be much easier to sneak into R rated films now that the megaplex sprawls for blocks and no one cares which movie you go into. Little did I realize that people's parents were taking them. At 4.

And yes, I would rather be surprised by the boy-girl stuff later. Delayed gratification? The same compulsion that makes me put the point of a post at the end? An actual deeply rooted indifference as to outcome? I don't know. But that is the plan.

[Sadie]

Hi there, Julia---

Just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you and the little guys. Last week when you relayed the comment from the Mayo Perinatologist about waging things were going to be fine part of me wanted to slug him. Hard. Not because of course I don't hope for you, and really want him to be right--- but because...well, I know you get it. Anyway, I'm glad the preliminary stuff is going well. I understand the shock and surprise of medical things falling on the side of good news... after falling on the side of bad so often it became positively ridiculous.

I never did get good news recurrent pregnancy loss wise. But when we adopted my daughter, who was very very ill and things started actually going WELL, surprisingly, beautifully miraculously WELL--- we were positively giddy with the feeling. Good news! Really good news! From medical professionals! The concept was dizzying.

RE: Redbook. I almost went through the bother of registering in order to comment, I was so... um.... surprised. And discouraged. And slightly incredulous. On behalf of the women currently in the trenches. Although I never achieved a live baby from my body the aforementioned daughter means now I just don't consider myself THERE anymore; I simply no longer feel "infertile." I no longer have that ever-present dull ache. The need to hide in the bathroom at family gatherings. The smiling bravely and biting my lips bloody as ultrasounds are passed around at the office. Not any longer, and the absence of all this makes life that much more sweeter these days. But the fact that it no longer hurts me does not mean I have forgotten the anguish, the agony, the isolation, the feeling of slowly going crazy, of there being just SO few respectful, "safe" places to just be... honest. The great big gaping hole "barren-ness" feels like.

So quite simply, when I read the breezy introduction I was pissed. I thought your colleague handled herself incredibly poorly. How soon we forget. And while I congratulate her on becoming a mother at last-- (doubly so! Yay! It's truly wonderful, esp. given all she went through), and totally give her the benefit of the doubt intention-wise, I don't think settling in for a nice energetic chat (let's dish infertility, girls!) is what's needed. Not to mention how incredibly insulting it was when others implied that women who objected to this line of things were in any way "bitter" or "jealous." Holy crap. Come ON.

Julia, I know you're not fishing here, but for what it's worth I think you've handled your contribution wonderfully. Respectfully. Openly. Your vulnerability is still there, loud and clear, as is your awareness, and compassion. Maybe that's the difference?

[Lisa V]

My kids got an Emeril cookbook as a gift. I sneered and thought blah. I am not a devoted viewer of Mr. BAM. However, my child made a some delightful fluffy, yet crisp waffles , linguini alfraedo and a good salad. She is 13. I have no idea how much a five year old would get out of it. The rat movie made us all hungry, and I thought it was pretty good. My five year old had to get up once to go to the bathroom, but I think he was bored.

[Cris]

Love this post. The movie thing is one of my biggest pet peeves. I don't want to piss anyone off, but I think it borders (and sometimes goes way past) abusive when I have seen parents at some 10:00pm showing, with their little ones at something scary. I've seen two, three, four year olds become horribly upset at what they are watching, screaming and sobbing to have the loud frightening thing looming so large in front of them go away - and also watched as their parents ignorned them or argued with each other about which of them would have to take the kid out. I feel like screaming too.

Hope they call early tomorrow! We didn't want to know the sex of our baby - at that point it was the only good thing about the whole experience that we could look forward too. And then the genetic counselor starts pontificating about something having to do with "our son." Hmmmm. Thanks lady.

Yikes. All of the above sounds gloomy. All I meant to say was, totally agree with the various points of the post and am very happy for you and hoping for the best.

As for cooking - you referred us to smittenkitchen and she sent me off to steamykitchen.com and the poster there just did a great thing on their family tradition of having their little ones make what our family calls "German Pancakes." It looks great.

[Laura GF]

Julia, I can't remember the name of the book for the life of me (and google is not particularly helpful, which makes me think it's out of print) but my first cookbook gave a little lesson on an historical figure and then provided a relevant recipe. What comes first to mind was a bit about Betsy Ross and then how to make a flag cake. Patrick might enjoy creating recipes in a context like that, though you'd of course know best.

And about Lili, her approach is just... so different from yours, and we were so used to hearing your voice in the Redbook blog. I love everything about the way you write and have to admit I found her flippant tone irritating. Even not having experienced infertility, she drove me up a wall -- I was glad to find that I could click the "Just Show Me" link to just see your posts.

[nate]

Umm, you *are* going to get those XX XY results, aren't you? Assuming everything else is okay?

Mollie Katzen has a couple of cookbooks for kids. I looked at them briefly a year ago but decided C wasn't ready yet.

Kids and movies--I haven't brought my 4 yo to one yet. (Although I'm sorely tempted to if the temp. tops 90 again.) In fact, we haven't really had many movies at home. Madeline, and I thought about Happy Feet but decided she wasn't ready. Heck, she's afraid of the hungry tigers in the "tender sweet young thing" skit in Free to be You and me (which, btw, is great). She's not such a big fan of plot-tension.

But my favorite story of inappropriate movie-going --when they re-released Star Wars for the 20th anniversary ('97?), my husband and I went. Before the movie even started a kid started crying b/c he was afraid when the MGM lion roared. T leaned over to me and said "Good lord, what do you think he's going to do when he sees Darth Vader?"

[Julia]

My mother has only tried to take her youngest kids (her third generation of children) to the movies once. The three of them were four and it was a disaster. For some reason, these kids are terrified of most things on tv, so I don't know why my mom thought a movie would be a great idea. These are kids who have to run screaming out of the room when the Bear in the Big Blue House (or is it Bear on the Big Blue Couch?) sniffs the screen to see what they had for breakfast. We took them to Yours, Mine and Ours, and I spent the majority of the movie in the hall with at least one of the kids because they just didn't like the tension. The scene when all the kids start throwing things at each other just did not sit well with any of them.

But, my point is, I, or my mom, took them out of there. It was the middle of the day on a weekday, I believe, so there was not an abundance of people in the theater, but you don't sit in a theater with crying kids. You just don't.

My sister was always able to take my niece to movies from a very young age. Stick a bottle in her mouth and she'd be quiet the whole time. But she tried that once with our brother's kid and it didn't work, so she spent the movie in the hall. It's just what you have to be willing to do whenever you take small children anywhere.

[Whitney]

Cookbooks- I agree that Patrick would probably LOVE Alton Brown- my hubby does, and anything that will get him in the kitchen MUST be amazing. Also.. pampered chef has some great cookbooks..with big full color pictures and wipe clean pages. particularly one for children.

Lili- I wanted to cry for her...I did. I felt really, really bad and embarassed that her reception by us readers.... but I have never really saught solace for infertility issues... so maybe. I don't know... I felt embarassed and sad for her.

[Laura GF]

Finally found the title of the book: American Tales & Tastes, a Recipe Storybook. Though reading about it now makes me think the stories are mostly apocryphal and not so much based in actual facts, if you're into that kind of thing in a cookbook.

[terri c]

Yikes. I *still* can't watch scary movies. Taking toddlers to an R rated movie is the stupidest, I'm sorry. Kids are people, not fashion accessories. OK, rant over. I hope people can go easy on Lili and not blame her for not being you, Julia. You are an exquisite writer and have probably been working in the blog format longer than she has. You've a gift for exactly that sort of relationality in writing that allows us to see ourselves at times, and also to care about you, Steve, Patrick, and the 2 or more X's. It goes without saying that I hope results, GOOD results, come early, that your head does NOT explode, and that you know we'll all be in the computer and with you whatever happens.

[Elizabeth]

I am not infertile but I winced and cringed (crinced?) as I read Lili's opening post at Redbook. I knew things were not going to go well.

Although I do think some posters over there have been wayyyy harsh on her, I am literally flabbergasted that one of the following has not yet happened, after such a (deserved IMO) outcry at the inappropriateness of her intro:

1) for Redbook to the title of Infertility Diaries to something that would not make people clicking on it think they were, indeed, about to read something akin to an "infertility diary" but rather a breezy discussion of news topics and "scandals" related to infertility

2) for Lili to apologize and show that she "gets it".

Neither has happened...instead of #2, Lili just breezes right on, as if it's nothing to her, as if those who were so hurt by her post and Redbook's rather misleading blog title were simple trolls. REALLY insulting. I'm not infertile, I didn't comment over there, and I still felt insulted.

She also needs a spell- and grammar-check and I'm sorry, she is just not a writer on the same level as you, Julia. Not that she has to be, but given the many feet she has in her mouth already, it'd sure help if she were, to try and untangle things and bring the readership back on her side.

You describe the Redbook people as warm, caring types...so what gives? Are they just brushing off the commenters' concerns as so much hysterical ranting? It's THAT implication that really irks the most, I must say - one gets the feeling that they are just waiting for this to blow over, that they are totally unconcerned with so many people feeling alienated by the mismatch of the blogger and the blog title. The one thing about the blog-with-comments format is that if you allow people to directly share their opinion of your blog, you are rather obliged to take it into consideration or at least to respond to it and attempt to understand it. Otherwise why bother? Just make it a feature in Redbook and forget the comments.

Sorry to go on and on but I just found it fantastically improbable that Lili, someone who has suffered infertility and supposedly found so much support on the internet in the past has apparently become so insensitive to the feelings of people suffering as she did. It boggles the mind!

That said, a few commenters (NOT the majority) were rather cruel to her and that is certainly to their shame and helps nothing. I did end up feeling quite sorry for her on a personal level - I am sure she was not expecting such a reaction from the blog's readers.

[Aurelia]

Here in Toronto, they have something called Movies for Mommies, where new parents with babes under 2 or so can go to grown up movies in the afternoon, sound turned slightly down, lots of stroller parking, change tables, and non-animated movies.

Anyone walking in knows full well what to expect. On the flip side, you get less people attending with babies at other times, so it works out for everyone.

As for Redbook, I hadn't read the comments on the previous Lili posts, and didn't know there was a rumpus. This current post I just commented something about how I don't like that this woman's name got released to the media, and realized I'd stepped into a difficult thread only afterwards.

Don't blame yourself whatever happens Julia. You can't control someone else's website. Redbook is run by grownups, and if they have a problem they'll deal with it. Take care of you and your babies. Leave the rest to them.

[laurieC]

Leave the cooking channel on, sooner or later everyone is watching it. Also, the comment regarding eggs was on the spot for their quick cooking gratification. My daughter was cracking an egg by herself at 1-1/2, never underestimate the motivation of making chocolate chip cookies. Now she's 13 and I actually have to restrict her from the kitchen. My son likes to help too, but just with cookies! They also enjoyed pie making - pie crust rolling or crisp crumbling, fingers stealing fruit - what's not to love?

Not touching the Lili issue except to say I see everyone's point.

[Caris]

I just wanted to say again how much it means to me that you share so many details of your life - the infertility information is great, but being able to know you through your writing is what makes it meaningful. Of course I google everything, and I pore over the abstracts if I feel I must, but it's so much nicer to read about these things here.
I have personally never ever had CVS or amnio because my daughter was born when I was still in my 20s and my enzyme disorder hadn't progressed enough to cause any problems, and since then I've never gotten far enough along to need it. And maybe I never will, but I'm trying a whole new protocol this month and I do still hope it will work out. Just feeling a little more familiar with the whole process really makes it easier for me - and that is something I could never get from clinic homepages. Maybe Lili will be able to write in a way that let's us get to know and trust her, too. But she's starting out from a point of view that is so hard to relate to, so she has a hard row to hoe.
Meanwhile - about the cooking: My daughter loves How to Cook Everything - it has no pictures, but I think the title alone gives it a certain appeal. Haven't seen the Alton Brown book, but my daughter LOVES his food-science show.

[Kathleen]

Kara, I'm so sorry for your loss and for the extra pain just when you didn't need it the most.

[wavybrains]

I think Redbook needs to separate your posts from Lili with tabs or different urls or something. She doesn't have the best sense of timing. Friday, when the blogosphere was waiting with you for CVS results, tossing up "Weekly World News of the Weird" as a header almost gave me heart attack--I was so afraid something bizzare had happened to you or to your test results. And "diaries" implies ongoing experience--if Redbook wants to do a "Reproductive News With Snark" then that would be fun, and Lili might be great, but the format just sucks. But, your writing just shines above all of that, and it should probably be the least of your worries!

[Kathleen]

Right on, Elizabeth.

I am truly confused by the barage of posts about how nice Lili is. This is part of her job. It's not a popularity contest.

I've no reason to doubt that Lili is a nice person if you know her (although I question her tactfulness.) I'm equally sure that as a reader and a consumer, I don't care. So far her writing is okay and her respect for her readership is dismal. Again, it doesn't make her a bad person, it makes her wrong for the job.

Julia, I don't understand what you hope will "blow over." The best I can come up with is that you are hoping readers will finally give up Lili and/or Redbook treating their readers with even basic respect. But how can guiding women who cannot take one more punch to a place where they will surely get one "blow over?"

Lastly, maybe it's just me, but when I was down in the dirt with infertility, the whole "it could be worse thing" just felt like one more kick. The support I've recieved and given means that I do think blogs are important.

I'm a long time reader who has a lot of respect for you. But we do disagree on this.

[Hetty_Fauxvert]

You might not find this amazing, but I did. I once went to a performance of "Bent," and saw a boy, maybe 8 or 9, sitting in the audience with a man I assumed to be his father. I approached the guy and nicely asked if he was aware of the content of the play. He glared and practically yelled, "Yes!!" Short of calling CPS, I didn't know what I could do, so the boy sat there and watched simulated gay sex on stage ... yikes....

Re the sexes: My DH wanted to find out the sexes when our babies arrived, but after several weeks of wrangling over names, we finally concluded that our marriage would not survive our trying to come up with FOUR names that we both liked! LOL!

As for Lili, I felt sorry for her. If she's no longer appropriate for the gig, REDBOOK should have paid her off and let her go. As a writer myself, I understand why Lili might be holding onto the gig although she really isn't the best person for the job anymore. Also, I did think some of the posters were unnecessarily vindictive. I went through the wars of infertility and IVF, and I now have twin sons. Does our success magically erase all the heartache we went through?

[anon (for this post)]

I like to read blogs about infertility, to try to know how infertiles feel, what the problems are, the happy endings of some of you, etc.

But when I read those nasty comments on lili's entries, I feel that I don't know infertiles at all. And I don't like what I see, to the point that I wonder if it would be better not to bother at all, not read, not try to understand, since so many infertiles are such egocentric nasty people, closing themselves out of the rest of the world.

I know I am generalising, and while I won't read more Redbook entries, I'll keep reading and trying to understand. But I had to vent. Anonimously, since I don't need the furious picking on me.

[Maya]

It's not proper food by any means, but my sons enjoy/ed using those muffin/pancake in a jug mixes: you add water (the best ones have a line on the jug instead of making you get out a measuring cup), shake it up, and cook.

I went over to REDBOOK (you're right, it doens't feel proper without the all caps, I tried it without) to read more Julia, and even I winced at Lili's intro. I felt like she owed her readers, and especially those who were upset by her, a little more than a glib reference to 'pot stirring' in the way of apology.

[LEB]

Fingers crossed for you today, I know this is the big one.

When I finally had an ongoing pregnancy I was amazed by how disinterested I was in the boy/girl issues.

REDBOOK? It just screams out 'fertiles do infertility to increase traffic'. Totally clueless, I actually gasped when I read Lili's first post. The whole scandal infertility thing is tiresome, honestly all you see in the mainstream media is the latest "90 year old gives birth to her daughters octotuplets" headlines - something with a little more depth might be more interesting.

'Infertility Diaries' really isn't appropriate either. It has nothing to do with erasing past pain with IVF success but about asking for/offering support in the appropriate way. As a mother of two I would never expect someone experiencing primary IF or childlessness to support/empathise with me. That is not to say that I haven't suffered through recurrent (inc. second trimester) losses, IF & treatment but fundamentally I have children and it does change everything.

[Flippy]

Lili's entrance was a bit inelegant, and I'm not sure why she didn't see that...or why she didn't apologize or attempt to explain. She should have. That said, I thought she was treated very poorly by lots of people, and I felt badly for her. There's no way she was going to show up and win over Julia "fans" immediately, and I'm not sure she understood what she was walking into.

I'm not sure why she's been hired to post news stories in something labeled a "diary", which isn't her fault, but surely she could try to make nice, instead of forging ahead like nothing has happened.

And yeah, it sucks that 18 year olds get cancer, but that doesn't take away the sting of the REDBOOK kerfuffle. In general, you can only worry about what's going on in your own life, or you'd go batshit crazy with empathy. Hmmm, that would be a good name for a book, "Crazy with Empathy". Or maybe for a song. No, the song would be better with the "batshit" added. It's 3:17am, perhaps I should just go to bed.

As always, I'm keeping my fingers crossed for healthy alphabets for you. I know how much Patrick would love little font babies.

[Heather]

I also don't understand why some people feel the need to bring small children to the movie theater. We waited to take our daughter to her first movie until she was three years old and even then it was still awhile before we took her to another one.

Patrick helping to cook is awesome. I try to engage my daughter in cooking as much as possible. She especially loves to help measure and dump stuff, so baking is her favorite.

Sorry about what's going on over at REDBOOK. I haven't checked it out lately, but I'll do so shortly.

[Cassie]

Highly recommend "The River Cottage Family Cookbook" by Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall -- he's a great cook with a real joy for food, and this book really encourages everyone in the family to get involved in cooking (home-made marshmallows, anyone?). Should appeal to the scientifically-minded too -- lots of "whys" as well as "how-tos".

http://www.amazon.com/River-Cottage-Family-Cookbook/dp/0340826363/ref=sr_1_2/202-9999456-4423013?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1184065577&sr=1-2

[maggie]

I've heard good things about Kids Cook 1-2-3. I also remember a book from my childhood called Science Experiments You Can Eat.

[Dara]

We waiting before taking our daughters, 2 & 4 at the time, to the movies. And it's a good thing I brought Great-grandma with us that first time. They are pretty good now, but I would not, could not do it alone, as someone has to be on hall duty, bathroom breaks, you name it.
And R rated? WTF???!! Why?

Alton Brown is cool. My girls love to help with the cooking...now if only I could get them to load the dishwasher.

Poor Lili, REDBOOK should change the name of her blog to prevent future misunderstandings.

[Meredith]

I was also surprised by the reaction to Lili over at Redbook, but I do have to admit that my sentiments were similar (though I didn't feel strongly enough to post). I don't think it's Lili's fault, it's Redbook's. You weren't pregnant when you signed on at Redbook, Lili was on maternity leave. I don't think it's appropriate to introduce her under infertility. Although I'm among the once infertiles, when I was looking for support during struggles, I wasn't looking for someone who had already succeeded to introduce herself & her fabulous twins. I know I wasnt' in a place to be happy for anyone successful sometimes..I needed some support from someone else in the trenches. I guess I think it's 'false advertising' to say "Hey, go check out these blogs and talk to others trying to get pregnant" and then show them someone fresh off maternity leave. Lili shouldn't have to 'apologize', but her breezy attitude about it didn't help. In any case, there's no shortage of love over there for you, though! Everyone feels a genuine connection with you and is cheering for you to succeed. So I hope you don't absorb any of the bitterness..none is directed at you!

Waiting on pins and needles for your results today. I'm pretty sure MY head might explode before they arrive.

[Dara]

OMG...I forgot to say: Keeping those positive thoughts flowing for perfect CVS results!

[random stuff]

I reccomend "Green Eggs and Ham Cookbook" by Georgeanne Brennan and Dr Seuss
It's kid friendly, adult supervision required for most receipes right now.

[BrooklynGirl]

Your child does not throw loud public tantrums? I may not be able to read your blog anymore as that's practically all mine does.

I've never brought a child to the movies--even the mommy and me movies they have here where bringing kids is the whole point--but I'll tell you the current heat wave makes we want to see if my not quite two year old son would sit through even a fraction of Ratatouille.

[Erica]

That is so funny you wrote that about Ratatouille, as I just wrote the exact same thing on my blog. I guess this movie is one of those that people think are "OK" for little toddlers... DUH!!

[Marsha]

We've done well here, cooking-wise, with the book Honest Pretzels (or something similar) by Mollie Katzen. We also liked the Rachael Ray kids' book - not at all as annoying as I expected and, since my 6 year old is crushing on her, had the added benefit of him eating anything at all we made from it just because it was one of her recipes.

[kaleigh]

Not much to add, but I'll suggest a couple of kids' cookbooks.

Any of Molly Katzen's kid-oriented cookbooks are great.

Emeril also has a good one, as does Rachel Ray (but I can't bring myself to get that, even though my 8-year-old son, an aspiring chef, adores her). I'm holding out for Thomas Keller.

That said, the Pampered Chef kids' cookbook is also a great start. It's all super-easy, very kid-friendly. Not the most amazing food, but it's a great way to introduce a child to cooking.

Also, the best part? My son will eat ANYTHING if he helped cook it.

[Ariella]

I had a book called Foodworks when I was a kid (http://www.amazon.com/Foodworks-Science-Activities-Fascinating-Explore/dp/0201114704/ref=sr_1_8/102-2515534-9038560?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1184072838&sr=8-8) and it was great, but it's not really a cookbook. I was very "into" food as a child, and mostly I just cooked with my mom.

Some fun activities for Patrick might be making ice cream with rock salt (I believe there is a kit...? we did it the "old fashioned" way in the 80s); picking berries and making jams/jellies; making butter with cream; or experimenting with a recipe to make it different.

Since he seems very advanced and quite particular, you could show him how rolling out biscuits in a certain way makes them flaky, or how overworking them makes them tough. Every kid I ever babysat for loved to bake and then eat the product, too, though that is obvious.

[Ariella]

Oh, I also forgot to recommend Cooking Wizardry for Kids (http://www.amazon.com/Cooking-Wizardry-Kids-Kenda-Williams/dp/0812044096/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/102-2515534-9038560?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1184073539&sr=8-1). I had that one as a kid, too, and really loved it. I was always into the science of things.

[Barbara]

"Pretend Soup" by Molly Katzen and Ann Henderson is a cookbook written for preschoolers. Both my grandchildren, ages 4 and 6, like it, as does their Mom, who teaches preschool. The 6 year old, Katy, is also a fan of Emril's cooking show and asks, "let's watch that big fat cooker man!".

I rarely go to the movie theatre anymore. Between the people who feel compelled to talk through the entire movie and unhappy small babies and children brought to inappropriate movies by their parents, it's just not enjoyable. I just rent the DVD.

I don't comment on the Redbook blog, though I've read your blog for years and occasionally have left a comment. I do have children (hence the grandchildren)and so I haven't experienced the pain of being infertile. Poor Lili did start off very badly with her hi-I-just-had-twins intro. I did cringe at some of the comments, mostly because I'm a strong believer in karma. The infertility group is one no really wants to be a member of, so bashing someone who finally did have a baby seems like bad karma. Just sayin. Like I also said, I wasn't infertile so I never had to walk a mile in those moccasins.

[runnerwoman]

Way back in the dark ages when I was Patrick's age, there was a great book called "Stone Soup" that was a nice introduction to cooking and a fun fiction read. I don't know if the book is even in production any longer, but you might be able to track it down on Amazon.

I guess I'll take your word that the good people at REDBOOK are, indeed, good people. But they don't know infertility, and in my opinion, they've shown an astounding lack of judgment in continuing to have Lili contribute. I'll no longer be checking that blog, and will not buy the magazine.

[WG]

Someone mentioned Rachael Ray, and I have to tell you that her books are GREAT. She is realistic about what kids can and cannot do, and each recipe is a parent/child project. AND the food is good. Check 'em out from your local library first, then buy the ones you like.

[Anna]

When the heck are the results coming in?!! The only time I waited for CVS results it ended badly, so this whole thing is kinda leaving my stomach in knots. Fingers crossed for very, very good news.