Summer Of Patrick

Someone left a comment this week referencing Patrick and his old letter obsession. I was thinking about mentioning in my next post that he just isn't that into the alphabet anymore, which is sort of sad but three year old Bizarro Patrick really has morphed into five year old Totally Average Patrick. Then he sat down at the table yesterday and asked for a sheet of paper and a pen. No, no, a BLACK pen with a soft end.

"I am going to make an alphabetized font list," he told me.

After mentally checking to see if this would require any exertion on my part whatsoever (it wouldn't) I said, "Great!"

Reading top to bottom he gives you:

Apple (the little lines are teeth marks), Arrow, Art (made of paintbrushes), Berry, Bubble, Bib (for the babies), Cloud and (my favorite) Claw. These are, of course, all covered by applicable copyRIGHT laws so don't even THINK about stealing them, Redmond.   

It's been a while since I have done a Patrick update and I have been thinking about what he is up to these days. We did wind up canceling the YMCA camp, which was absolutely the right decision for me although we will never know if it was right for him. He might have had the best summer ever but I would have worried myself into a decline, rationally or not. There's always next year.

Montessori camp has been great, though. I think. I don't know. Maybe? He is so sparing it what he tells me that I never have a clear idea of how his morning went. He goes every other week for three hours a day and it is working nicely that way. Large chunks of boring summertime whatever with me spiced with little nuggets of kid-filled Montessori goodness. And yesterday he came home positively reeking of sunscreen (with white streaks still visible in his ears) so my big camp sunburn worry is obviously being managed. They took them to the zoo one day, which extended his morning all the way until 2 pm, and I admit that I was a nervous-wreck the whole time. I couldn't shake the belief that they were going to lose him. This will shock you, I know, but with Steve and I both having been around all day every day since birth, Patrick is rather used to be kept track of at all times. He is always free to wander off toward the shark tank to read the sign because of course Steve or I will know where he is and magically appear when he turns around again. Somehow I doubted that the adults chaperoning the field trip would be as vigilant in keeping Patrick from, say, hopping on the monorail as I am. Before the big day I drilled him repeatedly on what he should do in the event he got separated from the group. Look for a zoo volunteer wearing a purple vest, I told him. If you do not see one in the immediate area find a mommy with kids and tell her you are lost.

"Orrrrrrrrrr," said Patrick brightly, "I can just keep going! Until I get to the parking lot!"

I slammed my head against the table and contemplated stapling his camp name and the number 9-1-1 to his front and back in two foot high letters like a sandwich board. Steve took him that morning and I made him swear that he would pull Patrick's teacher aside and make him promise to keep both eyes on Patrick. Steve said the teacher responded by saying, "Oh, Patrick's a good listener. He'll be fine."

I asked Steve if he had then picked Patrick up bodily and held him aloft, saying, "No. THIS child is Patrick" as clearly the teacher had him confused with some other kid. If Patrick is a "good listener" I am Marie of Romania.

I was 10 minutes early to pick him up that day and when I hugged him hello I might have felt him a little more than usual for broken bones. It was as I was checking him surreptitiously for seal bites that this very nice older woman approached me. She looked as if she had come straight from central casting in response to a call for Sweet, Midwestern Grandmotherly Type.

She walked over and said, "I just had to come and tell Patrick's mommy what a great helper he was today. I am Henry's grandma and Patrick was in my group. My other two boys got a little rambunctious but Patrick was good as good."

I thanked her and thought how sad it was that she was losing her mind so young. I love Patrick. Heaven knows I love the child, but I honestly cannot think of a single time in which he has displayed a rudimentary, let alone exemplary, willingness to cooperate.

Do children become completely different people when their parents aren't around?

I was going to talk about other things but I promised I would take the boy outside and that was 15 minutes ago. So, next time.

OH! Before I forget, very important question. Socks! Patrick loves to wear mismatched socks, the more brightly colored the better. The Baby Gap 4-5 years socks were treating us ok, but the color selection was a little prep school boring: navy, cream, brown and khaki. I found some fabulous (girls, I suppose, but what difference is there in feet?) lime, turquoise and purple socks at the children's place but they are now the size of tiny little thimbles after about 6 spins through the washing machine. I need a good place to get some fun socks in the next size up from the biggest baby Gap ones. Any suggestions? I thought I could get him a grab bag full and make it his Welcome to Kindergarten present (a gift occasion I have just this minute invented).         

Comments

[maggie]

1. All children are different when their parents aren't around.

2. Socks = H&M - they are wonderful socks and they sell them in packs of five assorted solid colors for (I think) $8.

[MB]

Try Gymboree and Old Navy. They are both similar to the Gap variety and are usually less expensive. I've had pretty good luck with them.

Oh, on the "laundry sink incident", I rear-ended two cars on my way home from my first RE appointment AND, at 7 mos pregnant (finally) I hit the garage door the other day. I'm a good driver, I swear.

[KJ]

http://www.littlemissmatched.com/s.nl/sc.2/category.5201/.f
They come in packs of three that are coordinated, but not identical.

[Ginger]

Do you have a Kohl's? If so, check there for socks.

[ellipsisknits]

My younger sister was a terror at home, but (allegedly, I still don't completely believe them) an angel at school or with strangers.

In her case, I think it was an issue of when she thought she could get away with it, but ymmv.

-C

[Melani]

My children are COMPLETELY different for other people than they are for me. I guess I would rather they save their bad attitudes for me but goodness it would be nice to see the "amazingly polite" version of my kids :)

[MichelleL]

One more confirmation that children are completely different without their parents. If they behave better -- that is good, you are raising them right -- but if they behave worse, that is worrisome. Something about crushing their little souls . . .

[Chloe]

"Do children become completely different people when their parents aren't around?"

Oh, my god, yes. You are just figuring that out now? Your public son bears absolutely no resemblance to the private one. The only exception to that being budding sociopaths. They're the same no matter where they are because, hey, their parents wouldn't even notice. Seriously, it comes down to trust. Patrick can trust you or Steve to catch him just before he falls into the shark tank. He maintains no such illusions about his teachers and chaperones and this is a good thing. Because most of the people he meets in this life should not be trusted to yank him back from the shark tank.

Socks: Most big shopping malls have Boston Sox stores, or something similar. Expen$ive, though.

[Elin]

Kids ABSOLUTELY are different for their teachers/caretakers than they are for their parents! They've got us pegged. Plus, they know they don't have to impress us...we can't exactly take them back to the store if we don't like them.

Old Navy socks = Gap socks, minus the $$$$. Same parent company. :)

[Lisa]

Funny that Chloe's comment somehow got triple posted - as I was going to resoundingly agree with her. The triple post makes it seem emphatic ... and, alas, YES YES YES! children DO become completely different people when their parents aren't around. Mine does and she is the same age (within a month) of Patrick. 'Course, mine also actually morphes into other personalities ... she had a name tag on that said "Kristen" when I picked her up from gymnastics camp the other day and her name is Zoe.

[Daisie]

Children are almost always different for other people. Every August I have parents come up to me and say this and that about their child, trying to warn me. :) Little do they know, those exact children are usually the best in the class. I have no doubt that Patrick was an excellent helper/listener. At home he knows how you are. He knows if you'll do something for him, how far he can push you, ect. At school/camp, he is responsible for himself and that really does make a difference. :)It will drive you crazy because you want THAT Patrick at home and he's MIA but mysteriously appears once you are gone!

[Kizz]

I taught dance for many years and ran an art camp. You're damn skippy kids are totally different away from there parents. And that right there is why we only let parents into the dance room on the very last day for an "open class".

[Phoenix]

See that's how you know how well you are doing as a parent...what the other people who are around him say. My niece is hell on wheels for all of us, but her teachers love her.

On the socks? Gymboree has great colorful ones for girls, so maybe they do for boys too. Good luck.

Oh and congrats on the twins. Sorry I forget the letter number thing they are called. ;) I am so happy for you guys.

[Heather]

All kids are completely different when their parents aren't around. Although there are still a few things that my DD will do consistently even if I'm not there, like melt down when she hasn't had enough sleep.

[Christiana]

I don't have kids of my own (yet. Due in Feb.), but I do know the rudimentary truth that kids are very different when their parents are not around.

Old Navy? Target?

And I'd love to hear your baby name ideas in a future post!

[lizneust]

"Do children become completely different people when their parents aren't around?"

Good Lord, yes! I know others have said it but my 3.5 year old and 20 month old have a complete personality morph when left in the care of someone else. Usually its a 180, so it's actually not surprising that Patrick is terrific at camp. Just wait till you hear about kindergarten.

[Nancy]

Hey! When did they change it to Copy Write? Everyone seems to be spelling it wrong now. I figured the rest were just illiterate but if you're doing it... hmmm... was there a symposium or something I missed? Must be!

You are SUCH a funny writer!! When is redbook hiring you for a humour column? Hmmm?

[Libby]

Whew, I am relieved to see that apparently kids do behave differently with other people. I've been wondering the same thing!

And yes, Old Navy socks are great and come in tons of colors.

[amy]

"Do children become completely different people when their parents aren't around?"

YES! THEY DO!!

[Catizhere]

Mismatched socks?? ON PURPOSE??? AAACCKK!!!

I would be positively twitching if I knew Maggie was out in public with mismatched socks.
She's just as bad though, since the outfit that I had laid out for her this morning was met with complete disdain. "Mommy. I cannot wear the striped Tinkerbell panties if I am going to wear these shorts. These shorts have a pattern on them. I simply cannot (said with an English accent...WTF???) mix my stripes and my patterns."

She's 4. God help me.

[Becky]

"totally average Patrick"

You're kidding, right?
Love that kid.

[Jo in Boston]

H & M. Old Navy and Gap seem to carry only boring colors in big kid sizes but H & M has turquoise, lime, purple, orange and they're for boys and don't they don't feel compelled to put a truck or a football on everything.

[Julia]

COPYRIGHT!!!!

Arggh. I KNEW it looked wrong but first I made it one word and that wasn't it either... what can I say? Do you know how poorly educated I am? Are you familiar with the DC public school system? I was a Child Left Behind!

Editing now....

[Ruth]

Love the fonts. How wonderful!

My kids are completely different in school/day care than at home. I used to sneak in to watch them at day care -- all of the children would sit nicely around the table, passing bowls at meals, serving themselves, etc. It was creepy and fascinating to see. Totally different scene at home.

[Rachee]

When I read your blog while drinking something, things always shoot out my nose.

Thanks for the laughs!
Asher is only 6 months and Lucy 2 years, so no suggestions on the socks. :(

[elsimom]

creative kidstuff has some of those "little mismatched" socks - not sure how big their selection is.
Patrick surely has a developed spirit of whimsy. The "bib" font cracks me up.

[Stephanie]

The font thing is so brilliant I'm having a hard time getting my jaw back up off the floor.

I know you'll have your hands full with three children, but cloning? Have you ever considered cloning? The world needs more Patricks.

[Marsha]

You are by far my favorite author ever. Please never stop blogging!

[Sarah]

Carter's (Carters? - I have no idea if it is possessive) have great socks that do not shrink at all and have great outlets in which to find those socks. The added bonus is that they are the only socks my daughter (just turned 4) is able to put on completely unassisted. Somehow they are just magical that way.

[Naomi]

Socks: Target's baby section has an endcap of toddler socks in a wide selection of colors. My younger kid has some and they've held up fine. She's almost four and has huge feet -- I think she currently wears a size 10. She's given hand-me-down shoes to kids two years older than she is. Anyway, they fit her fine and have a fair amount of stretch, so I expect they'd fit Patrick.

Alternately, if you want to go all-out, I suggest hunting for novelty socks at rummage sales. My older daughter adored novelty socks for a while and wouldn't wear any other kind. Also, if you hit Target right after major holidays, you can buy holiday-themed novelty socks for cheap. My older kid (who is almost seven) considers anything Halloween related to be stylish at any time of year, and orange is her favorite color, so I always stock up on Halloweeny socks on November 1st.

The worst thing about novelty socks is that invariably just one goes missing. But since Patrick mixes socks anyway, no worries!

[ash pdx]

I think your son is going to be a brilliant art director or designer someday, seriously. That is amazing that he is creating fonts that are so consistent and creative.

Socks- does Hanna Andersson make socks? I love their tights and they have underwear, so probably. Otherwise probably Target.

[april]

i'm a kindergarten teacher, and have daily conversations with parents that go like this:

parent: (whispering) is he/she doing okay? is there a lot of crying? yelling? biting? running away? talking back? are you being driven nuts? is the disrespect out of control?
me: uh....no.....actually I was kind of wondering how you've raised such a perfectly delightful child.

when we went to the museum last year, one of my parents spent a good 30 minutes telling every teacher and chaperone he could find that his son is a space cadet who WILL be lost before the end of the day, and he was fine. completely with it. as every teacher and chaperone knew he would be. his dad was shocked.

so, you basically just have a great kid on your hands :-)

[sinda]

Yes they are, which is great for them - they get the opportunity to put into practice all that they have learned without us looking over their shoulders.

Hanna Andersson for the socks.

Abso-friggin-lutely they're different w/other people. One of my friends called me while my daughter was at a playdate ate her house. She HAD to tell me how incredibly (the hyperbole (sp?) was her's) polite Kate was and how Kate had held the door for her. Can I just say that I feel like I should have 2 black eyes from all the doors that have slammed in my face!

But it is nice to know that all of the billion times that we coach them to do things are not totally ignored...even if it seems like they are!

[victoria]

Love love LOVE the Patrick updates. I love every little detail about that kid. I especially adore his holding up a finger and then running off to get a book to show you what the lightning looked like. And even though you've got visible veins or whatever on your belly, I STILL think he predicted 2 boys, just not a C section.

[victoria]

Why don't you let us KNIT socks for Packy? Oh yeah, right: that would be weird & stalkerish.

[e]

1) yes they are different. Mine apparently use knives and forks away from home.

2) Socks- you're a long way from a Marks and Spencer sadly. Dunno 'bout US sock stores

3) Your child is astonishingly...astonishing. I'm sure you don't need me to tell you that.

[Jen]

Not that everyone else hasn't already told you this, but yes, they can be totally different. Not all kids are, but many. The bad combination is when the parent thinks the child is a little angel and well, they're the kid who makes everyone else roll their eyes.

My middle kid was horrible at home -- massive hissy fits, yes, they got better every year, but still in K and 1 and 2? His teachers called him things like "angel" and one actually said, "I can't even imagine it, he's the kid I'd pick as the one that would never act like that!"
@@

Good part: every now and then...I'd threaten to videotape some horrendous behavior at home to show his teacher. The first time I jokingly said that? His face instantly went from howl to shock. It was so dramatic that I didn't want to do it very often.

Bad part: it can mean once they're in school all day, every day? It can mean that some days...there's a certain amount of bad/can't listen/don't wanna do that that's built up over the course of a day or days being freakishly good. And that little explosion? You get it. Of course.

Really good part? Mr. I Had No Moods between Delight and Angry Anguish is now, at 13, a fairly happy-go-lucky sort. As long as his parents aren't too embarrassing at the that very moment.

[julia]

I love the fonts and I won't even think about copying them.

Have you tried The Children's Place for socks? Or, you could get really creative and order some of the bright dye that they use to make real tie dyed shirts and you could dye your own.

Boy socks do seem to be awfully boring. I thought Hanna Anderson might have some, but alas, no. Just one pair of cool lime and navy. The girls socks, on the other hand, are about twelve kinds of funky.

[Rose]

I've always been impressed with the Jekyll & Hyde act that my niece and nephew pull whenever their parents walk in the room. They go from being sweet helpful good listeners to whiny shrieking brats.

[tree]

The fonts are amazing! Patrick is amazing.

[Dana]

Hannah Anderssohn does indeed make socks, albeit expensive ones, but they will last through at least four kids and will NEVER shrink, I promise. Sweden seems to have a gene pool that spits out a eureka! in 3/5 of the general population.

[Ruth]

1. "Do children become completely different people when their parents aren't around?"

Yes. I think I know my kids, and then I learn what they're like when I'm not around. Thankfully, they're usually better behaved.

2. Time to learn to knit socks. It's easy! If you don't want to spend your pregnancy learning to knit with size 1 needles, though (or learning to knit in the first place), try Old Navy. Or Gymboree. Or Target. Or buy him some girl socks and don't tell anyone ... when did socks become gender specific? There's also Rit dye ....

3. We have Crazy Sock/Shoe/Mitten Day around here whenever we can't find a matched pair of anything. It is a holiday born of desperation which has turned into a family tradition.

[JenniB]

Since I have not read the 43 other comments i cannot see if i am making a unique comment, but YES, Patrick is a totally different child for you than he is for his teachers and other adults. I am a teacher (elementary school) and this question is asked A LOT at parent-teacher conferences when I say, "Johnny is such a helper!" or some other compliment...the parents invariably say, "Are we talking about the same child??"

Yep - it is totally gonna happen. No worries! Patrick can hold his own in the presence of other adults!

[jessica]

My daughter (20 months) is much better behaved around others.

It's totally normal.

And the fonts? Absolutely BRILLIANT. I love them.

[Toni]

They are different with their parents than with others. I never believed it until they told me that Muffin was one of the most well-behaved children in the classroom - but when I came in, she tended to whine a bit. Yeah - that's pretty much the only thing I get at home.

Target has some good socks - I think it's circo. Similar to the Gap - and in some nice colors. Gotta love Target.

Hey - can I ask when you did your "Baking Soda Rocks" post? I'm looking for it and can't remember when it was. Maybe that's an idea - do a best of one week :)

[iheartnewyork]

Oh my god. The fonts! That's just amazing. What a clever kid.

I was also going to suggest these:
http://www.littlemissmatched.com/s.nl/sc.2/category.5201/.f

My daughter has them -- a pair of stars on one foot and hearts on the other, etc. Really fun -- for socks that is.

[Meegan]

I love that Patrick. He is anything but average. He is fantastic. I just love hearing about Patrick. Thanks for sharing. He's an amazing kid.

[amy]

Love the fonts. Love. Them.

I haven't had anything but great luck with the socks I've bought from the Child*ren's Pl@ce, but I only buy the ones with the grippy stuff on the bottom. I haven't tried the other ones. The grippy ones have not shrunk or come undone, and unlike the grippy socks from Target, they have held on to their grippy-stuff. The Target grippies all lost their grip within a few washings.

Could I possibly say "grippy" one more time in this comment?

Grippy.

[Kim]

Children are absolutely, 100 percent different away from their parents or primary care givers. The girls I nanny for are different for me than they are for mom, and they are even BETTER for their teachers than they are for me. It's crazy. I said something once to one of the little one's preschool teachers about her crying, and they said, "Oh no. We never see that here." Yet, throwing fits is her ammo. So...yeah. It's just that way.