Miscellany

Patrick asked me for a funnel. After fobbing him off on Steve who in turn handed him back over to me I finally stopped reading Go Fug Yourself long enough to track down a funnel (top shelf. closet. laundry room. next to that popsicle mold for which I have lost the sticks). Patrick thanked me and departed. I went back to the fugging, marveling over the fact that apart from Britney Spears I never know who any of these people are. Patrick returned looking for a large plastic cup. Five minutes later he wanted another. He left with the cup and in the distance I heard the sound of the basement door opening and closing a few times. When he finally returned, drug a chair over to the kitchen sink and began running water I snapped out of my blog reading stupor and asked what it was, exactly, that he was doing.

"I'm building a thing!" he cheerfully informed me before trotting off with his glass of water.

I looked longingly at my computer but followed him. The eternal catch-22 of children is that if they leave you alone long enough for you to start doing something pointless but enjoyable; they themselves are inevitably up to no good. So you have to stick to them like limpets in order to avoid fire and flood but it cuts into one's own mindless time something fierce. Alas. Now go on and remind me that with twins I will never again have time to even begin to read a blog. Or breathe.   

I mentioned in a REDBOOK post yesterday that Patrick has taken to building things. Kinetic sculptures. Oversized marble runs without the marbles (well, sometimes marbles). That sort of thing. I described them better in the REDBOOK post so.... I'll wait. OK? Visualized? Good. So Patrick has been building these things and my Mom Moment involved the fact that they generate unfathomable amounts of clutter. Which in turn led to my discussing the fact that I continue to suck at getting Patrick to do things for himself. I mean, silly things like putting on his pants or neatly repackaging a puzzle before busting out the crayons. He is the Montessori camp bad apple. Well, I assume he is. Who knows? Actually he probably has taken first prize in cleaning all month long; we've talked about the fact that Public Child and Private Child barely know each other.

I got this terrific email from a very nice Peggy who tactfully pointed out that perhaps Patrick's aversion to my pathological need to tidy is a sign of the kid's robust mental health. She didn't say that exactly but it was close enough that I laughed and thought, huh, maybe the toys CAN stay on the floor overnight, maybe cars and blocks CAN exist together in non-categorized bins... then I had a mini-stroke. However, the thought has stayed with me so I might be making progress. Still, it cannot be denied that Patrick is a) kinda spoiled, b) rather exceptionally manipulative [he praises me! he positively reinforces me! the fink] but c) just so damned cute how can I NOT want to zip up his collegiate robes for him and get the electricity turned on in his new condo while I am over there washing his breakfast dishes after he leaves for the office.

You guys know I am teasing myself, right? That I recognize my tendency to smother Patrick in the avalanche of my boundless love and that for me love = nurturing = bringing someone a glass of juice on request?      

Good.

Steve and I were watching Rome (THIRTEENTH! thank you, Victoria, we quote you now) season two last night. So for the love of God, no spoilers. You can tell how far out of my period of expertise this is when I pondered all night about Herod. I just couldn't place him. I knew he had done something rotten, something just terrible, but I could not remember what...? And to think I pride myself on my cultural literacy. Yikes.      

So we were watching Rome curled up like cats and 13a started to shimmy a bit. I said, "Oh!" and Steve put his hand on the side of my stomach and whap! whap! he got to feel two strong kicks. Probably won't happen again for a few more weeks but it was really lovely. I really had no idea how stressful this has all been for Steve until I have been able to see how relaxed and happy he is right now. Makes me feel kind of weepy, actually.

And, finally, speaking of weepy, I woke up on Tuesday and was suddenly much more pregnant. I cannot lie on my stomach and the normal pants I have been wearing buttoned low just laughed at me. So I busted out the maternity stuff and I felt all round and lovely and yet I was still compelled to get That Haircut. I went in last night and passed on my usual barely noticeable trim, asking her to take it up to my shoulders. Seven or eight inches, gone. Poof. I am not sure how I feel about it. Lighter. Less likely to strangle myself as I roll over in bed. But... what is it about pregnancy that causes women to abruptly cut off all their hair? Is it me? I have gone from wild-locked mermaid to demure frau in no time.

Whoa. Patrick's last day of camp party is in four minutes. Parental attendance mandatory. Have a good weekend.

Comments

[Trish]

Julia,

You WILL have time to blog and/or read blogs once your twins are here. I say this with confidence because my twins (almost four months old) are taking their morning nap and I'm simultaneously pumping, eating breakfast, petting the cat, and reading your blog. See... it can be done! You will just become a champion multi-tasker like you've never been before.

[JuliaKB]

I say give up cleaning in favor of blog-reading. Just kidding-- I know there are things too sacred to give up.

So great to hear about Steve getting a nice kick or two. I know I am repeating myself, but I am so so happy for you guys.

[Ollie]

I cut all my hair off too, upon reaching the 2nd trimester. My excuse was that it was too exhausting to stand in front of a mirror fixing my hair. So now I toss a headband on it fresh from the shower. It's streamlining my morning routine.

[WendyP]

I heart Patrick. That's all I have to say about that.

When I was a teen I was a volunteer/candy striper (stripey uniform and everything!) on the L&D floor of a local hospital. I could tell the first time moms from the repeat moms - the first-timers had long hair, the repeats had short. I have no idea why.

[jeanette1ca]

But what was he making with the cups and funnel? What did it look like? Did it work? Inquiring minds want to know.

[Jo]

I'll tell you what that haircut is about. It's a survival mechanism, aimed toward simplification of all things. At some level, you know that in short order your life is about to get muuuuch busier (as 13a so tactfully reminded you and Steve last night!). That's my theory, anyhow! It might explain why my hair has remained short and fuss-free since before my twins were born. Wait, it was short and fuss-free before! Well, let's just say I haven't felt compelled to create any additional steps in my routine since. Even contacts have been cast aside in favor of those ready-to-wear glasses.

And Patrick? Well, while I can totally appreciate the messiness-as-response-to-mom's-tidiness theory, I guess I see that as typical kid. I went home last night to find that my Baby A had scrambled together three separate puzzles on the floor, which sent my own inner anal retentive into fits of puzzle sorting and boxing. It's not that she is particularly messy. I just think that KIDS are messy. I guess I'd consider it something to be concerned about if my 4.5 year old kids were as tidy as I would like to be.

[Marsha]

Yes, I am on pins and needles, what was Patrick making?

[Melani]

I cut my hair with both of my kids...have no idea why other than the uncontrollable desire.

Both of my kids went to Montessori school and were just wonderful about putting their "work" away each and every time meanwhile our home looked like a tornado had just been through all the time.

Oh to figure out how to get them to act like that for me...

[Libby]

Regarding the redbook post:

Sofia also has an aversion to getting dressed, using the toilet or picking up her toys/room by herself. However, she has no problem doing all those things by herself at her sitters house. Of course.

Anyway, one thing I've done about the toys situation is to put the toys/books that were not picked up, out of reach for awhile. Sort of a time out for the toys. The first time I threatened to do this she ignored it. I followed through. The next time she picked up every.single.toy. She complains and whines but she does it. We pick up very night before bath time. It's working out well.

[Heather]

It's not just you. I think it is the need to make things simpler because you know that the babies will be coming and who has time for such things as hair care when there are babies to be fed and changed and an older child to be played with??

My solution to the toys has been to just ignore them. I know, that's awful isn't it?? At some point I need to REALLY start caring about these things or he will turn out like pig pen on Charlie Brown!!

[Melanie]

The approach my sister uses is that if she has to pick up the toys, they get thrown away. Clearly, my niece and nephew don't care about their toys/have too many toys if they're not going to take care of them properly and therefore the family needs to get rid of the toys. I believe the toys go into quarantine on the first offense and can be redeemed with an apology to Mom for making her have to clean up after them and a promise that it will never happen again. On the second offense, they are to be thrown out. I don't believe a second offense has ever occurred, but my sister did have to stand firm through a couple of inital tantrums and sulks.

[nate]

When I was pregnant, the first time T felt the bebe was right around Christmas. He put his head on my belly--and got a kick in the ear for his pains.

And so it begins...

[laughing mommy]

I cut off 10 inches of hair with my first baby. And despite everyone telling me how I would hate any haircut I got while pregnant I LOVED that haircut.

My hair is long again and I'm thinking of having it chopped off...

Haha!

[Lisa V]

My hair actually got really long during both of my successful pregnancies, all so that I could put it in a cute knot during labor. I kid you not. I think like that.

I always do the big cut when the kid is 6 months old. I'm always four months behind in high-lights, and it's so long that I can do nothing but put it in a ponytail or wear it long, limp and stringy. So I cut it drastically. People ooh and aah over the make-over, but looking at the pictures in retrospect, those were damn unflattering haircuts.
I had it cut in an A line bob recently. Kind of similar to Nicole Richie's at one time. Unfortunately, unlike Nicole, my ass was still large at the end of the haircut. It looks kind of cute anyway.

Hope you continue to be "fat and happy" as my mother always called pregnant women. Enjoy the kicks and the comfy clothes.

[Kate]

I'm reading this blog right now and I have 11 and 6 year-old boys AND 4 year-old twin girls. The thing about twins is, they are way easier than just one. Okay, after the first year, which totally sucks, I think, but I'm not sure--all I remember is boobs. My point is, you'll be back on Go Fug Yourself because they'll be so busy with each other. It's freaking awesome.

[LMM]

I have hated most of the pregnancy books I've read and don't recommend them to anyone. But one thing I read in The Girlfriend's Guide was about this need to cut all your hair off...her take was that as we have less control over our bodies that this is something we CAN control...and that as we get increasingly unhappy with how we look and how the clothes are fitting that we go looking for something to make us feel pretty and good about ourselves.
I thought it was bunk until I outgrew my maternity jeans (they said to buy up a size, but did I listen??) and promptly started thinking about cutting 6 inches off my hair. Luckily I resisted, but that's me. I DO NOT look good with short hair and really wouldn't look good with short hair and a puffy face. *shudder*

[Amy]

Those early weeks (er...months) I was quite content to snuggle in bed with my daughter for her extended nursing marathons and my laptop. I did more blog reading, shopping, and random web surfing during that time than I will probably ever do again. AND I built a new website for the school I teach at while nursing! I'm sure that will be harder with twins, though. Any way you can grow a third arm?

And about the hair: I have had mermaid hair for years, and still do. I never had the urge to cut it while pregnant. It's kind of a pain now, with a toddler, though.

[MJ]

I have found "the toys you don't help me pick up are going away for a bit" line to work rather well with my six-year-olds. They are fairly good at helping me but I must admit that sometimes I just do it myself which makes them think I always should. (When he was 2.5 years old, I asked my son to pick up his sippy cup and he replied, "that's your job." Sigh.)

Twins aren't that bad. Granted I never had an older sibling to contend with as well. I found the first 6 months really hard, then it got easier. I found the transition between stages (crawling to walking, walking to running, etc.) stressful but I suspect you'll find them less so because you've been through it before and know what to expect. Toddler twins are busy. I have one word for you: schedule. You will still read Go Fug Yourself and other educational blogs. I did. And do.

[Sharon]

When I was little, my brother and I took turns picking things up. He would pick up a toy, then I would pick up a toy, then him, then me, etc...

I like the idea of a timer though.

[nessa]

Do not have kids yet, but this was a standing rule in our house from the time I can remember. In fact, my parents still use it for the grandkids.

The Saturday Box. If we left anything laying out, toys, clothes, even school books, it was put in the box and we could not get it out until Saturday.

Even if it went in on Saturday, we couldn't get it until the NEXT Saturday. That was really an incentive after we started bringing books home for school and had to HAVE them the next day. It might give you the cleanness you desire and start teaching Patrick about consequences(sp) regarding his things.

Hope you find something that works.

[sinda]

Here's my advice re: kids cleaning up after themselves. Caveat - I'm not perfect at this; my husband is better. But it's what I aim for.

First off, consistency is key, so even though you feel like it's too late to start, if you do start and stay consistent, you'll get results.

Secondly, kids can do more the older they get. So you can adapt your approach for the twins from when they are infants on. For the littlest kids, you might narrate what you're doing - "before we can get A out, we have to put away B" while you do it. When they're a little older, a year or so, they'll be able to help you - "13A, you can put this book on the shelf while I put this toy away." The older they get, the more they can do, but even at Patrick's age it helps to participate and to help with directions - my 5 yo does better when I tell her to put away all the stuffed animals in a messy room, rather than telling her to clean the whole room - one easy task at a time.

MJ had a great tip with "the toys are going away" - maybe now, before the twins come, is a good time to go through all of his toys with him, and pack some away - storage, charity - and while you do that, deliver the message that there are so many toys available right now that you and Patrick can't even keep them all where they belong, so you need to put some away for awhile. I have to work really hard to put this positively and matter-of-factly, and not vindictively! I aim for rueful and sincere. At any rate, my message is, when I feel like you are able to have more toys out and keep them organized, we can pull some out of storage, but we'll also want to put different toys away. Bonus - cycling toys keeps them fresh and having less around the house actually seems to result in more absorbing play.

Oh, and I have to add - if my kids get into a power struggle with me and really refuse to put their stuff away, I pull my trump card - if I put them away, I'm throwing them away. That one hasn't failed me yet, and I'm perfectly happy throwing things away (sometimes they get rescued and donated, depending on what they are).

[Andrea]

I always chop my hair short w/in 2 months of having a baby (it is always my first bout of child free time after birth) and is, as stated lots above, a desire for simplification.

Also, I just HAVE to know - what was Patrick making? I've gone back and re-read the post thinking I must have missed it, but nope you never said - please don't leave us dangling. ;)

[Monica C.]

I am so glad to hear you have a burgeoning belly! And the kicks and pokes - I truly miss those!

[Tam]

I had hyperemesis. As soon as I could drag myself into the hairdresser's, I got my long locks cut off, simply because I'd thrown up in them far too many times, and they just didn't feel clean.

[Dara]

I have learned to step over toys, books, clothes, the cat, the kids, and anything else that's down there on the floor.

I suck at house cleaning. I used to make the girls help me clean up before bedtime, but this pregnancy is kicking my butt with fatigue and I just kinda let it slide...from the upstairs playroom- downstairs to the dining room-to the TV room--can I just sweep it up and out the door?

Once a week we clean up, and I slip a few items into the donation pile. Hmmm, a lot of items, actually. My girls are SPOILED ROTTEN.

Our third child is due in December. Our 3 & 5 year old daughters will be going to school full time come September....I can't wait to do the BIG CLEAN while they are at school. I will be going to Lowes for more bins and crap like that to throw all the toys in. And a bookself...and I should hire a cleaning person...

I sweetly told my MIL that if I saw another stuffed animal I would probably have to kill the person who has given it to us. She looked scared. Muhahahahahahaha!

[Amanda]

But wait! The funnel! What about the funnel?...

Yes, I am completely obsessive about my waist-length, never-been-to-a-salon hair, but I was sorely tempted in pregnancy. It takes an extra 20 minutes to shower on hairwash days and I was suffocating in there. Drowning. Warmth and humidity were trying to squeeze the life's breath out of me. I did hack some inches off (so much faster to fingercomb without the split ends), and almost shot myself in the foot as I very nearly cut it too short to tie it in a knot that stays up while I shower on the non-hairwash days.

So no, it is not just you! Hair has it in for pregnant women!

[KateE]

That was weird. I titled my posts from yesterday AND today Miscellany. I had the same hair-chopping-off urge when pregnant, but didn't actually get around to doing it until six months after the baby was born.

[Pam L]

I was counting on you coming back around to the project involving 2 larges glasses a funnel and water. I'd love to see one of his designs. Do you have pic? When I was little I was obsessed with building a hot chocolate and coffee machine in our basement but I never got the whole plumbing/electrical thing worked out and gave up on it. I think I was enamored of the one they had in the warming hut at the outdoor ice rink in the winter. This was in the early 60's so dispensing machines were still pretty cool to me back then.

[Crystal]

Getting kids to pick up:

When John was about 3 Lee (he'd be in your camp on the neatness thing) would open the toybox (or bin, or box, depending on whether we were in corporate housing or not) and we'd have a race to see who could pick up the most toys. This created a sense of fun which lasted 2 years longer than we managed to keep doing this en familia. It was easily revived when Michael and Drew were old enough to participate. Then I had no need to participate at all, the younger two simply wanted to play with big brother, and he simply didn't want to clean up on his own. I simply got to sit on my fat ass and feel undeservedly smug.

[Crystal]

Solution to creative clutter: John HATES change, and does not like to take apart and play with his creations. He builds them, tests out their functionality once or twice, and puts them aside. This was a struggle for nearly a decade, until the kind folks at Ikea provided a lovely, HUGE wood bookshelf. He has carte blanche to display creations there until it's full to burstin'. At which point he either can't add any more because there's no room, or he can't because he's out of toys to build with or... you get the point. Regardless, the bookshelf is the limit, not Mom's mean-spirited, arbitrary rules, and he has some control, and can keep creations around until he tires of them.

[marian]

'Fink' is a word I have not heard in a very long time.

[Helen]

For me it's the other way round with the hair. Pregnancy = too much time marvelling at own biology to think about changing hair. Miscarriage = total dissatisfaction with body therefore time for a change. I had approx 12 inches chopped off and an elfin bob and went straight from blond to dark brown after m/c #1, yikes, had blond highlights put in after m/c #2 and by the time my daughter was born I had past shoulder length blond hair again. Annoyingly I've just had to go for an almost-Pob (I believe our beloved Ms Beckham is making her presence felt on your shores now, Pob is her hair-do.)and more blond again. Let's hope the next one sticks or it will be a Natalie Portman crop for me!

Yay for the kicks! I always felt it was like Christmas every mnorning feeling the first kick of the day.

[Kim]

You know now we need belly shots AND a picture of the new hairdo.

I have a friend of a friend who grows her hair out while pregnant and nursing, and then chops it off when she weans and donates it to Locks of Love.

[Anonymous]

Re: cleaning up

I would say, watch what the teachers do at preschool, and do that. Because he'll already be used to it, and it sounds like he cooperates just fine over there. That's what worked for me in the end. Timers just made my kid hysterical.

I have also had (limited) success with counting to 3 and then doing something horrendous if he's not working on what I told him to do by 3. Something horrendous being either taking his book away or time out or something like that. For whatever reason he complies with that. It's probably another thing they did at preschool.

[JustLinda]

What is it about pregnancy that compels us to go radically change our hair? I never understood that but the urge was undeniable.

Baby kicks and pregnancy hair cuts and Patrick cuteness. Sigh....

(Why can't I find your archives? Am I too stupid to find your archives? I want to read all the posts... I need the story, the pregnancy story and all that... Don't punish me for being gone for a while, please. haha)

[winecat]

I too would like to know what he's building.

From the Redbook post "but you're doing such a good job", how perfectly Patrick!

[Sara]

I had to laugh about Peggy's comment. My mother is neurotically neat, and I rebelled by being a complete slob when I lived with her. I still remember childhood battles over cleaning my room. At the time, it seemed SO unreasonable that she would suddenly decide that cleaning my room was the most important thing in the world, while I was very busy reading/playing/twiddling my thumbs. I don't really see my own point anymore, but nonetheless, I felt very right at the time.

Now I'm a pretty average adult, neatness-wise.

[Sara]

I had to laugh about Peggy's comment. My mother is neurotically neat, and I rebelled by being a complete slob when I lived with her. I still remember childhood battles over cleaning my room. At the time, it seemed SO unreasonable that she would suddenly decide that cleaning my room was the most important thing in the world, while I was very busy reading/playing/twiddling my thumbs. I don't really see my own point anymore, but nonetheless, I felt very right at the time.

Now I'm a pretty average adult, neatness-wise.

[Shannon]

To bring a couple of your points into relation--once the twins arrive Patrick will have to start fending for himself a bit more. Painful but natural and probably good for everybody.

[Susanna]

Completely unrelated to the cleaning ... has Patrick seen that Honda Accord commercial where they used parts from the car to make a long chain reaction? It's awesome! It took them something like 600 tries to film it all in one take. Here's a link: http://youtube.com/watch?v=uyN9y0BEMqc

Also has he seen the commercial for the Sony Bravia with the bouncing balls in San Francisco? That one is great too (not in the same way as the Honda one, but it's beautiful!) http://www.bravia-advert.com/ and click on "Balls" at the bottom of the screen (the "Paint" one is cool too, but not as magical as the Balls one).

Finally, I hope you already have the Mousetrap game! :)

Susanna

[Susanna]

Sorry, just one more thing! If you look at the Bravia one there is a 3 minute extended play version (that's the one to watch). Also there is a "making of" the commercial thing somewhere, I'm sure it would show up on Google, that I bet he would enjoy as well.

[Missy]

To get my kids (3 and 5) to help pick up AND to make sure everything gets put away correctly (um, the way I want it), I give them small jobs while I tackle the ones I know they can't/won't do. I'll sort out the Polly's from the Littlest Pet shop, but they put the piles into the correct bins. They are also my "runners" - going to put stuff back into the kitchen, the office, their bedrooms, wherever they dragged from in the first place. We generally don't follow the "one toy at a time rule" because they like to mix and match and I love to see what they come up with - teenage mutant ninja turles living in the dollhouse, Polly Pockets driving the truck and trailer, whatever. But throwing the kids into a messy playroom and saying "pick it up" doesn't work for anyone in our house. Small, manageable jobs seem to be key for us. Good luck!

[Aurelia]

Strangely, I find long hair easier to take care of than short because I can skip washing it if I don't get a shower in the morning. And with new babies, I never get showers. Of course, my husband doesn't work from home, soooo you may have an advantage there.

I cut my hair short after having both kids and regretted as soon as daily bedhead set in. Basically if I didn't wash it, add product and blow dry it a bit, it looked like hell on me. With shoulder length you might be okay on that count.

I really was trying to get control over my body I think. I wasn't sure I could have a live baby, and when I did finally have one, I was so shocked that I had become a milk machine...I had to radically change my hair. In perspective, not really logical of me. Oh well!

[louise]

I have a quick question to ask. I am a soon to be proofreader and was wondering if in America the past tense of drag is drug? Or is it a colloquial term? I have to be aware of different spellings (I'm from NZ and use English English not American) especially if I am to proofread for Americans. Here we say dragged.

Also you do use spelled/learned/leaped etc (instead of spelt/learnt/leapt), is that right?

Anyway sorry to be drastically off topic, was just fascinated by the word drug...in no way am I meaning to be offensive to anyone about spelling, just interested.

Cheers,

Lou.

[Caris]

Just in case someone hasn't mentioned it - that Honda commercial was a riff on a video made by some German performance artists. It's at least ten minutes long and it does have one semi-well hidden edit about halfway through, but it is fascinating. It's called 'The Way Things Go'. We used to have it on VHS and my daughter watched it until the tape wore out.

[paige]

Lou, everyone I know uses "dragged," so maybe using "drug" is a colloquial thing. We do use spelled/learned/leaped, but I much prefer your way!

Also, Julia, is "kinetic sculpture" another way of saying "Rube Goldberg machine?"

[Kim]

In response to the REDBOOK post:

The girls I nannied for LOVED making "buildings" with boxes. They would cut holes in the boxes and attach other boxes of varying sizes with tape. They each picked a room to decorate (of course, Patrick gets to do it all himself, which leads to less arguing) and away they went. So - if Patrick wanted to expand his garage, that would be a good idea.

[Julie]

Thank you for introducing me to the limpet. Your post led me on a wikipedia chase for more information. What a wonderfully-named little creature. The poet in me is logging it away for future use.