Serpentine

After biting all my nails off, we decided to send Patrick to a local public school that pulls from three districts and does mixed age classrooms. Since Patrick is about 85% kindergartner, 10% third grader, and 5% Methuselah it made sense to us to put him in a kindergarten class that includes some first graders. My hope is that he can learn to use a glue stick with his five-year old cohort and still be able to do math and reading without leaving his classroom. We'll see how it goes. I am actually fascinated to see what kindergarten is like for him - I am pretty sure it will be positive but I am curious to see what he makes of it.

To send him to this school, obviously, we are choosing not to send him to our neighborhood school. Not that we have anything against the one; it's just that we think Patrick will do better in the structure of the other. No big deal, right? And yet people are VERY weird about it. When our local friends ask where Patrick will be going to kindergarten (or, more often, just assume he will be going where their kids go until I correct them) they positively FREEZE when I say that he will shortly be enrolled at MultiAge Elementary.

"Oh?" they say. "Really? MultiAge? Over in Otherville? Why not Neighborhood?"

And for a while I struggled to find a good answer to this. It was sort of hard to say we think he would benefit from being in a mixed classroom while avoiding the unspoken "we think our child is smarter than yours. actually we think he is smarter than YOU. we think he is so smart that he is smarter than the twelve kings of Europe and sometimes we hook him up to a computer so he can teach the computer stuff and frequently we worry that NASA is going to come and steal him."

Well, maybe not. Maybe I just feel ridiculously self-conscious about it. As we know, Patrick's little differences are my Achilles heel (NOT that anyone ever believes that, no matter how many times I shriek about it). Anyway, allowing for some freakiness and over-sensitivity on my part, it is true that people usually wind up the conversation with a chilly, "Well, Kaden and Kadence had a wonderful kindergarten experience at Neighborhood."

So I came up with a new answer. Now when people ask why we are sending Packy to the other school I say, "It's across the street from our vet."

You know, I think I am very funny. Much of the time.

I mean, you can't argue with that, now can you? And it is true. It IS across from our vet and these days that is no small consideration; what with gas prices being what they are and two of the four cats having to eat different prescription foods that I can only get at the vet's office (unless you have a good source for under-the-counter pet food, possibly from Canada, in which case, hook me up man). I thought about how convenient it will be to have Patrick in school right there as I was at the office today picking up a new supply and being gently lectured (as always) on the importance of not letting Rusty eat Kelvin's food or Kelvin eat Rusty's. Because on the one hand we have chronic renal failure and on the other we have chronic bladder infections and one cat's low ash is another cat's poison etc.

Rusty, by the way, might still be dying but he is doing it so slowly it is hard to distinguish from very very sedate living. Ten months after his CRF diagnosis his levels are good (slightly improved actually) and he is the same 23-hour-a-day-dishwasher-top sleeper he has been for the past five years. When I first called my mom in tears because I thought Rusty was about to pass to an eternal feline reward she told me that I might want to wait to grieve until something happened. As usual, my mother was right.

New REDBOOK post up about Patrick's, um, perpetual deviations from the strict truth combined with his need to make a black-or-white moral issue out of everything. Views on either are appreciated. Are the five year olds of your acquaintance all big fat liars?

And this is sort of a teacher question but all thoughts are naturally welcome: when we go in to meet his teacher before kindergarten starts should I tell them that Patrick can read, well, anything and that he is quite competent with word problems etc or do I just assume that they will figure this out on their own? I want Patrick to have a positive school experience so I want him to get good challenges but I also, and let me stress this, I also do not want to come across like a complete ASS.      

Comments

[GAC]

Dude! You must tell his teachers about his abilities. You have a "special needs" child: let them know. It could take them months to figure it out on their own.

Can you imagine if your next 2 are like him? Oh. My. God. Good times!

(This is my first comment in -- what? - 2 years of reading? This issue inspires me. Maybe b/c my daughter starts K. in the fall too.)

[Beth]

Mention he can read. You are not an ass for wanting them to know who your son is, and what his abilities are.

Actually, didn't he have to undergo kindergarten assessment? (Meaning, they already know). Or, is this a private school which doesn't require pre-attendance assessments? Or, are public schools different there? Here, all kids entering kindergarten are assessed prior to.

[Kelly]

Keep it to yourself. I've never done much "prepping" of teachers and my kids are pretty bright too. The teachers, they figure these things out - rather quickly.

It's hard to go against the grain of the 'hood, but I love the response you came up with, it takes the focus off of the boy wonder.

[Megan]

On teachers - tell 'em. Not because they won't figure it out but because they might think you haven't noticed even though you live with the kid. That's what our 2nd grade teacher did - looked me in the eye and said (very slowly, using very small words) Child 2... can ... read... very... well. Um. Yeah. Thanks for that.

On 5 year olds - oh baby, big fat liars and then some! Child 2 spent 6 months having to preface everything with "you know what would be funny is IF..."

[Amber]

People are so protective of things like this. why cant they just say oh cool...i am sure it will work out perfectly. drives me insane. IT IS NOT A PERSONAL ATTACK!! it is just a choice.

and yes, you shoudl mention Patricks abilities to his teacher. If s/he is good, s/he will ask anyway.

I can not wait to hear about that first day. oh man, please write about it quickly. it will kill me to wait.

going to REDBOOK now.

[cathy]

if the school hasn't done a kindergarden pre-assessment you might want to mention it. if for no other reason than to let them know that you have noticed. you might throw it in with, "this is why we chose this school, he can read anything and do word problems, but can't use a glue stick!"

[Jenni]

I'd mention it when you meet the teacher and I would imagine that the school will do some sort of assessment to help place him. I think its almost a given, since its a mixed level classroom. Otherwise they wouldn't know how to mix the levels.

[Erica]

I hear you on the school choice politics. In our neighborhood, it's especially charged, as many of our grown-up neighbors went to our local elementary school. We have our eye on another school for Chebbles, but you can't tell anyone that without accidentally informing them, "But my child is VASTLY more intelligent than you, your siblings, and your own children."

And you've just reminded me that I have to go back to the vet (their number is the only number I've memorized in this town) and get more special $$$ medicine for my mean old three-legged tabby. I'll have to see if they've got a kindergarten nearby.

[Jen A]

I have never understood why people get so defensive when presented with a factual piece of information. It would be one thing if you responded, "Oh, he's going to MixedAge because I would never dream of sticking my child in Neighborhood," but just saying, "He will be in MixedAge" should not elicit such a shitty response from people. I have a friend who not only homeschools but pulled her child out of the local public school to homeschool. She is very unpopular in her little town, even though she is one of the kindest people you would ever meet, and it makes me sad.

I totally say to tell the kindergarten teachers. As you always like to say, the more information at hand, the better. Besides, I can't imagine anyone mistaking a friendly, concerned parent with a psychotic "My Reading Child is God" parent.

[txmama]

Oh my goodness, my daughter sounds so much like Patrick. I wish we lived closer; she could use an age-appropriate and yet development-appropriate friend. Although I suppose they might turn out to be mortal enemies.

We also are at a loss at what to do with her. For now, working on her social skills is keeping us plenty busy...

[Amy]

On the big fat liar issue...my 5 (almost 6) year old has recently turned into one. Out of the blue as far as I can tell. He told our babysitter that my husband is adopted -- that he was born in Israel and came to the U.S. as a 1 year old (but, shhhhhhh!, you really shouldn't mention it to him). That was one of my favorites (no part of it is true).

God, I really hope it's normal. Must do some research...

[cursingmama]

Mention the reading in passing - just so the teacher can keep him occupied. As for the explanation as to where Patrick is going to school - try saying you worked hard to find the right fit for Patrick aren't we lucky to have so many choices and options, end of story; it's what I say when people ask about my kids.

[Lisa]

It seems to me that people who aren't very secure about their own parenting choices seem to need the reassurance of other people making the same choices. Faced with someone making another choice, they will either attack that person's choice or defend their own.

I homeschool my kids, and I dread fielding questions about school. I either get grilled about my kids social skills and work ethics, or the questioner tells me that homeschooling is great but that they could never, ever homeschool their own kids. Either way, I pretty effectively end the conversation by smiling brightly and saying, "Isn't it wonderful that nowadays families are able to choose the type of schooling that works best for their own kids?" But I like your answer about the vet's office. Sometimes I don't feel like being tactful and just tell questioners that my children are being raised by wolves.

[victoria]

I think you are funny, too. I think I went through a lying phase around ages 4-5. I look back on it as a sort of discovery of my mental independence.

[Melani]

Our school always has a parent teacher conference around 2 weeks in...does this school do that? I waited until then to talk to the teacher about my kids' abilities. It seemed like the parents that were trying to do it on the 1st day with things so crazy were seen as sort of a nuisance. That just seemed to be my take on it though. Although I will say, with both of my kids, the teacher knew exactly what their abilities were by that 2 week meeting. I think most teachers are very good at quickly getting an assessment of the kids in their class.

[elsimom]

Tell the teacher. It is likely that your very intelligent son will find being "taught" some of the things he already knows how to do very boring. If his boredom causes him to either "act out" or "check out" it is possible that the teacher will misread the situation as either a behavior issue, or a lack of ability. If you can save him or her those steps, and get Patrick heading toward things that will make school interesting to him - that seems like the best of all possible worlds.

On the "bad" thing over at Mom Moment. I think you're going exactly what you need to do. My daughter just started that (she will also start kindergarten this fall). It took me aback, because like you, we would never tell her she was bad! I have concluded that it is boundary testing of a new sort. They have undoubtedly heard about "bad children" from books or elsewhere - but they don't really know how bad that is - they're trying to define it for themselves. So they do something they know they shouldn't do - was that bad? how bad? We once had a whole discussion on whether she would have to go to jail for something she did (ummm . . .what?!) but it became clear that she had no idea what people go to jail for (or that 5 year olds basically never go to jail) - just that someone said "If you do something bad, the police will come and they will take you to jail." She knew she wasn't supposed to do whatever that was so . . . . It is odd to find yourself reassuring them about their inherent goodness just at the moment when they've done something they shouldn't - but ultimately, that's what they need, right? They need to understand that what they did is not okay, but that they are a good person, and they can make a better choice next time. Throw in an active imagination, and the scenarios can get pretty wild in their little minds.
This post is already too long - so I'll spare y'all (sorry) the story of whether or not she would get sent to the principal's office that we had to go through after Kindergarten Roundup!

[Tine]

The almost-five-year-old with which I am intimately acquainted is a pathological liar. (Remember Jon Lovitz's liar character on SNL in the late 80s? That's my son.) Frankly, I have no idea where he got it from. I'm a terrible liar, and so is hubs. We'd actually be better off with a little more fibbing skill. Guess we'll have to train the Little Liar to do our fibbing for us.

I vote for telling the teachers about Patrick's abilities. Really, I don't think there's any danger of coming across as an ass. I'm married to a teacher and related to several others, and the overwhelming message I get from all of them is that more info is better than less. Especially info that one wouldn't necessarily expect.

[L]

I am dealing with the same thing right now. We are the only ones in my son's preschool who are sending their child to Montessori. The rest of the children go to public schools. I've always felt like I had to justify why my son wasn't going to attend regular K. I usually added something along the lines that I cannot imagine him having to "learn" letters there. Most of the preschool parents have at least an idea that he is not an average kid and that he can read but I doubt they know how well he can do so.

As what to say the teacher, that's a big question. I have been thinking about it a lot lately and actually discussed it with a friend of mine (teacher as well) today. My main worry is that the teacher would think that I am a crazy parent who makes the whole thing up. Her reply was "She will see once she sits down with him and have him read." And you what, that's true. It's not that hard to check that Patrick or my son can read, they just need to take their time and really check it and use a difficult text not just easy readers stuff.

Here is what I think I may do. I may tell her when he started reading and when he read chapter books and tell her that I don't know on which level he is right now but that he reads such and such books. I will probably skip the part about his spelling (3rd grade), she will figure out that on her own. I may show her some things he wrote though. As for math I may mention something but I hope that if his reading is as high as it is she will look careful at everything. There are some things I will NOT talk about for sure like the fact that he can convert decimal numbers to binary numbers and such or his extensive geography knowledge.

My younger one started reading a few months ago at the age of 2. He too will be attending the same class so I guess by the time I mention that the teacher will either thing that I am completely crazy or thing that anything is possible when it comes to my kids.

I sure will be back to read all the replies to this post. It's tough to explain a school choice without spelling it out and it's even more difficult to make sure that the teacher knows what she needs to know without sounding like a pushy crazy parent who must be making things up. I do think that the teacher should know though and even though she herself will have to figure out on which grade he is she will hopefully do the testing sooner or later. I am way to worry that my son may look happy enough "learning" the letters. KWIM?

Good luck with the school. I hope it will be a perfect fit for P. I was once am getting really anxious about the whole K thing.

[Alison S]

Absolutely tell the school that Patrick can read. I have two absolutely true anecdotes to back this up:
a)Don't assume the school will notice, otherwise. My husband was reading fluently at the age of 6, and so bored with the learning-to-read books he was being given at school that he was spending as much time as possible in the toilet, because being on his own in the bathroom was preferable to being patronised in the classroom. His mother (herself a teacher) was called in to see the headmistress because they were "very worried about John's development: he doesn't seem to have made any progress with reading this year, and can't manage the simplest books." (he felt so insulted by them that he refused to read them). My MIL fixed the head with a steely glare and asked her to bring John in to the office. When they did, she said, "John, can you read this for me, please", and he read the front page of "The Times" newspaper, which was lying on the head''s desk, fluently. Embarassed headmistress. New school for John, shortly thereafter.
b) Don't worry that the school will think you are bragging. They won't, if you tell them once, appropriately. My older daughter changed schools at 7, just after a set of compulsory tests that children in UK schools are required to sit. The expected target for the average 7 year old is a level 2, with typical brighter children getting a level 3. For reading skills, my daughter got a level 5, which is the reading ability expected of the average 16 year old. I agonised for ages about whether to tell the new school (records were not automatically transferred, so I knew they wouldn't know unless I told them.) I told the new headmistress once, by letter, and never mentioned it again. Five years later, I was at a social function where the headmistress introduced me to her partner, and said, "She's the mother of the pupil who got a level 5 at 7 that I told you about, remember?" I was amazed - I'd had no idea she'd noticed and remembered and even thought it worth chatting about with her partner at home! A good school will remember, and be grateful, and use the information. They can tell those who are honest about their children's strengths and weaknesses from those who think their children are flawless miracles (my "genius" reader is now nearly 13 and still can't open a gate if it has a tricky latch, or tie her own shoelaces without a struggle). Don't worry!

[Angela]

Tell the teacher he is reading! I read in kindergarten and the teacher found out during a conference where she told my parents that I had problems with the truth. Somewhat true (I was 5, after all) but was not lying about the reading. Could have been avoided if it had been up front. I know what you mean when you have to deal with neighbors reactions to where you're sending your son. It often makes me wonder why we care!

[Slim]

We didn't tell the teacher, and he figured it out just fine. Then again, at a conference, he once said something about needing a year or so of school for teachers "to figure out which students are really advanced and which have just been really well prepared," and I wanted to scream, "We didn't 'prepare' him! He taught himself!'"
But on the off chance he was the rare person who didn't find defensiveness attractive, I restrained myself.
A lot depends, I think, on what you want from the school. "He's strong academically, but we're working on getting him to have more give-and-take in his conversations" (an example that is about my kid, not yours) seems like useful information for a teacher to have. "He can read anything! He read Harry Potter all by himself!" seems like a parental brag more than a heads-up.

[wavybrains]

Mention he can read BEFORE school starts. My mother figured that she would talk to my teacher about my reading and writing at the first parent/teacher conference after school started. Long story short, my father was in a horrid car accident shortly after kindergarten began. No one made it to ANY conferences, and by the spring, it was clear that I was *miserable.* Because my boredom was so well established, the school tried to convince my parents that I had a learning disability. A great deal of the problems came from not being challenged. You don't know what life is going throw you this fall. Talk to his teachers NOW, and make it clear that his being challenged is WHY you chose this school.

[JenniB]

I teach kindergarten and yes, big fat liars abound in the kindergarten classroom. My almost 5 year old daughter can hold her own too. Keep pressing for the truth (gently) and it will prevail.
As for telling the teacher about your genius child: don't. Not that there is a question in Patrick's case, but if I had a dollar for every parent who told me how bright her little Susie (or Billy) was, I'd actually be making what a teacher should make...the teacher has a set of "assessments" that she gives and observations she will make to determine the academic and social placement of every child in her classroom. Trust her to do the job she is paid for (and I say that with the utmost respect) :-)

[JenH]

Yes, mention the reading. The teacher will figure it out but Patrick may keep mum about it for awhile and testing him may be awhile too. Unless, of course, you aren't concerned with immediate reading activities at his level. You might wait a couple weeks for him to adjust to the rest. Neither is a bad choice.

As for the schools... just start every conversation with "It was so hard, both are superior schools..."

So, how are YOU doing?

[CathyY]

I think if I were to mention my child's exceptional skills to the teacher I would provide specific examples so they wouldn't think I'm just another proud parent. If he's already finished The Iliad, tell them.

[Wendy Noel]

The teacher will send you home with a five page questionnaire about the personality and abilities of your child. Honestly.

[KateE]

AMEN about the under-the-counter prescription vet food. Hook me up if you find a good dealer.

[Reese]

I would tell the teachers that he can read. Everything else they will figure out on their own, but the reading is a biggie.

As for the Vet explination - HA! I gave a similar explination for a cut on my face (I had been competing in a karate tournament that morning, and then tripped over my own feet that evening). I call it redirecting. They asked "What happened to your face???" I responded, "I fought 3 black belts!" Heehee!

[Mrs. Who]

Speaking as a teacher, you won't believe how many parents say their kid can read...but I later find out that they mostly 'read' Burger King and McDonald's signs.

Mention it to the teacer, but if she's worth her salt, she'll do some kind of screening (either before school starts, or right after.) That's to the child's benefit, so the teacher will know exactly where to place him. You can ask them what screenings they will do (and it's very necessary for a multi-age class in particular!)

I've taught multi-age before, and it's really wonderful for those kids who are 'above' their grade level, especially at the kindergarten level.

[Mrs. Who]

Oh, I can't believe I misspelled 'teacher'...what an embarrassing typo!

[Janey]

Sure you should mention Patrick's abilities to his teacher, just do it offhandedly. Mention that Patrick is so excited about his first day of school because he's already a very good reader and he's looking forward to being challenged. That gives her the heads up without you coming off as being obnoxious.

[Jen]

I'm right in the middle of all of these comments!

You're right on in not wanting to come on strong -- no one wants to feel like they're being told what to do, not you, not 5 year olds, not teachers. However, no one wants to be left in the dark either.

It is very likely that they'll do an assessment of some sort -- our school starts kindergarten a week after the other grades and uses that week for individual appointments for the assessment/teacher meeting. If not, maybe you could write a quick, humorous note? We know you're good at humorous. ;-)

I'd say how delighted you are to be at this mixed age school, because it seems like it will be just what your kid needs. In the mildest manner possible sort of contrast his average or not even all there skills vis a vis glue sticks or whatever with his other out of the ordinary skills. While Patrick loves to read and especially adores he also is a typical 5 year old who still needs to learn to ________ better. A couple of those.

Then wrap up with how excited and thrilled you are again and how you'll perform any old lowly but helpful task the teacher might have for you (if you can...you might have to mention that throwing up may slow you down a bit!).

I'm sending #3 and final boy off to K this fall (he's the much younger sibling -- the other two are in middle and high school). I'm not nervous about the academics or the paying attention or the like; instead, I'm focusing my worries on the probably going to be one of the youngest in the class and the hope the teacher(s) can deal blandly with the shyness so it goes away quickly. That last is my big one. If they just expect him to answer and make no big deal if he's whispery-quiet at first, he'll be fine in no time. If they are hearty-voiced, call attention to the quiet kid, why are you like that sort of people...well, that could be a problem!

Good luck!

[Jen]

Uh, up above? missing a (insert title or type of book here) after "especially adores"

You'd think with all that length, I could have gotten it right!

[Christiana]

I don't yet have kids, but in our situation I would be sure to tell the teacher. Someone pointed out that there is a high chance of him either acting out or checking out when bored (only children do this anyway, smart ones are worse) and so she/he should be warned.

My BFF's 4-year-old tells outrageous stories that either make no sense or are all out lies, so I'm pretty sure that's a normal thing.

[gretchen]

I would suggest that you wait and see if the teacher sends a questionnaire the first week. If not, send her/him a letter describing Patrick,his strengths and weaknesses and what your goals are for him this year.

[MollieBee]

I can't wait to read the comments on this one.

Nessa is also attending a MultiAgeCharterWhatsit for Kindergarten and I don't know what if any info I should give the teachers. We had to take her out of preschool because she was too bored.

[Libby]

I am hoping the lying thing is a stage. Sofia comes up with the craziest stories. Nowadays I believe about 70% of what she tells me.

Just last week she told her aunt that I tell her stories with cuss words in it! What the hell?

[Miz S]

Oh sweet Jesus, do not be the parent that comes to the door and mentions that Little Patrick can read already. I can guarantee he will not be the only reader in the class. AND. Unless the teacher is a fucking moron and/or incompetent (which is possible, I admit), her first order of business will be to assess all her students' literacy skills (this is done one-on-one unless your school district is in the dark ages). These assessments are almost always done in the first month of the school year.

[Jen]

Shoot, you'd think that someone else would have commented...I went and made dinner and then read over at Redbook.

Here are my two thoughts:
1) I'd take the bad stuff not at all seriously in and of itself. It gets a lovely reaction so it continues. I'd just snort and refer him directly back to the behavior. You know, basically what you're doing only without any emotional investment in the bad stuff.

2) 2/3 of my 3 boys spent the summer before kindergarten in a hyped up state of emotion. They were much more mommymommymommy. They wanted to spend their lives with me, they loved me so much they had to kiss my bare sweaty legs. The one facing K right now asked me last week, asked, "Mommy, if you died would you still be able to love me?" Thank heavens I was expecting it this time. I've even told him that yes, he can just live with mom and dad forever, since now that I have a 16 year old around, I know there's little fear of that desire lasting long.

So, between K and the babies, I'm guessing most of what you are seeing is just intense 5 yo boyness. Lots of love and reassurance combined with no nonsenseness over actual "bad" behavior and after a month of K? It'll be mostly gone!

[scissorbill]

My son taught himself to read at 3. I got into the habit of not telling because one, nobody believed me when I told them and two, it was hilarious when they figured it out on their own. But that was preschool. By kindergarten, reading isn't so unusual anymore.

[Samantha]

Hi Julia,

I was a kindergarten and first grade teacher for 5 years, and it gets pretty annoying when parents tell us how smart their kid is. Let her figure it out - it will only take her a few minutes.

[maggie]

The cat we had that died of CRF lasted three years from his diagnosis. So Rusty might be good for a while longer.

That school sounds like a good choice for Patrick.

[Beth]

To qualify my statements: I am a teacher. Also a mom of twin girls who are starting Kindergarten next week, and who read very well.

I think you can casually mention to the teacher that Patrick enjoys math and reading and is looking forward to Kindergarten, and leave it at that. I know you would not do this, but it is torturous to have to listen to parents drone on and on about their fabulous child. EVERY child is special in some way. Your teacher should figure out pretty quickly (like, day 1) that Patrick is quite intelligent, and once she starts testing the kids, she will see exactly how smart he is.

Many teachers will send home a questionnaire during the first days of school and will ask you things like, "Tell me what you think I should know about your child." At that point if you want to mention that Patrick has been reading and doing math problems since age 2 (or whatever age) I think that would be fine.

Also, I would think that your teacher would get on this pretty quickly, but if Oct. or Nov. rolls around and you haven't heard anything about Patrick being involved in the gifted program, you should ask, because I think he would be a good candidate.

[Sarah]

Fascinating. My daughter went to a Montessori kindergarten and is now starting at a "regular" school for first grade (we moved). And I have been a bit twisted up worrying whether I should explain her strange ways. Or not. But I'm not claiming she's brilliant--she's no Patrick. But she did have three years of doing things at her own pace and having arcane snack rules and learning to writing in cursive. I am a bit afraid that on assessment she'll look dumb--her print handwriting is very basic. Her cursive is lovely but what's the chance her teacher will ask about cursive? Or multiplication? And for Patrick I'd worry too--will she ask him about fractions or science or will it be like that assessment he went to with the mean woman. Let's hope the school has its act together. Does it have any of his previous records?

I tried to frame my discomfort by asking the principal when I enrolled her. Please put her with a teacher who will tolerate and guide her. I think I am already labeled the crazy parent. Let's hope that's not too bad...

[Anne Glamore]

My kids are older, but I always ask the teachers to come down hard on my boys for infractions during the 1st 2 weeks of school and then they won't have to worry about them the rest of the year (setting boundaries).

I make sure they know that Finn is overly dramatic, so his need to go to the health room can probably wait, but if Drew says he's hurt, he may well need surgery.

Finally, I let them know we're a "sink or swim" kind of family and I don't bring forgotten homework or glasses etc to school. I'd rather my kids learn responsibility at a young age, but I don't want the teachers to think I'm ignoring phone calls.

I think your decision sounds perfect for Patrick.

[JoJo]

It's to late,.......you already made a BIG ass out of yourself....Relax... it's kindergarden.. not his college entrance exams...geezzzzzzzz

[Laura K.]

This is rambling...I apologize. I hope I can make sense of my experiences.

As a teacher, I do like knowing pertinent info. about kids early on, and while I try to make myself notes afterwards so I can remember but I have to admit I don't always remember every single thing I'm told on 'Meet the Teacher' night. This is mostly because I have 120+ students, so I guess it's not so much an issue with Patrick's teacher.

The parents who look like asses are the ones who come in and loudly announce, "Well, MY child can do ..., and MY child can..., and by the way, did I mention that MY son is fabulous at...?" Somehow I don't think this is your style, so no worries there.

From a personal perspective, we wondered this past year if we should go in and tell K's preschool teacher about her reading. We felt kind of the same was as you - we feared coming across as real jerks. But to be quite honest, the biggest reason we didn't say anything is that we have just stopped telling people that K can read because they never believe us. You can probably relate to this scenario. If the subject comes up and we are asked or casually mention that she can read, people either outright don't believe us, or they'll make some comment like, "Yes, Jake has his favorite books that he likes to 'read' also." We don't ever argue about it or try to convince them otherwise, because then we would look like we were bragging or being 'those' parents. Then, minutes/days/weeks/months later, K will up and randomly read something in front of the same person and he/she will say, "Oh my goodness, she can READ!"

We decided not to say anything to K's teacher, partly because of what I just said, and also because we didn't know if she'd remember it before she really got to know K. Besides, we figured her skills would make themselves known pretty early on, and it was probably the second week of school when the teachers passed out a poem and K just started reading it out loud, and that was that. The teacher immediately said something to my mom when she picked K up that day,a n d they talked about it with us at length, mostly just about how surprised they were. On the one hand, it felt really good that they came to their own conclusions from observing her, and dind't have any preconceived notions about her or us from anything we said. On the other hand, K's teacher also said at conferences that once she realized K could read, it explained a lot of her 'quirkiness' in the first days/weeks of school, because she realized that K was just not on the same page as the other kids and was thinking about different types of things, so it helped her to adjust the way she approached things. So, while we were afriad of looking like jerks, perhaps she would have found that info. helpful? I still haven't decided, and we still don't really tell people about her reading unless we're asked or they witness it themselves and want to talk about it.

Bottom line: You probably can't go wrong either way. If you decide to tell the teacher, I'm sure you will go about it quite tactfully, and he/she will probably be intrigued to see if Patrick really can read or if you are whackos. He/she will still probably be very surprised at the extent of his skills, because not many teachers expect that level from an incoming kindergartner. If you decide not to tell the teacher, I imagine that they will deduce this fact rather quickly. It will absolutely NOT take them months or even weeks to figure out he can read...those types of abilities do not go unnoticed, even in a multi-age classroom. I'm also guessing they'll do some sort of informal assessment to see where the kids' skills are as they are coming in.

I think a multi-age class will be GREAT for Patrick. Did I say that already? I probably did. Stand by your decision, say what you need to say to people who question you, and no worries!

[Pam L]

My older son was in multi-age for 2 years and it worked well for him, especially since he was on the younger side of the ages, so he could move up for somethings and stay with his age-peers the rest of the time. Parents of the older kids were not as pleased though.

[christina]

I'm a teacher and I've had parents with gifted kids who were asses and parents with gifted kids who were wonderful. The difference? The wonderful parents treated me as a professional and assumed I'd have the experience/expertise to meet the needs of their child. The others? Were terribly holier than thou, and obnoxious though I'm sure they didn't mean it. Of course you're extremely concerned that Patrick has a wonderful kindergarten year--and of course you can mention that he's reading, etc, but also mention some of the goals that you have for him--in other areas. Show that the reason you have placed him there is because you want him to be nurtured as a well rounded child. Also make it clear that you actually appreciate your child's teacher's input and ideas. Because they generally ARE experts on kids.

All that said, I think multiage is PERFECT for Patrick and applaud you for seeking it out.

My nearly 6 year old still can't figure out which letter is V and which is Y and her counting ends with "14" on a good day. So, I know NOTHING about raising a gifted child. But, I would definately tell the teacher. For crying out loud, (s)he needs to know that you are sending Patrick to Kindergarten because of his social needs, not his academic ones.

I think 5 year olds like to lie.