7/100 Of Ten Red Dinosaurs

That was extremely helpful, thank you.

It really does help to know that there is a possibility that my conviction at 4 am the other night that what I really needed to do was get in the car and drive and drive until I got to Spokane whereupon I would get a waitressing job or something was at least partially derived from mere imbalances as opposed to complete disintegration. Like, I am happy to hear that when you ate insanity peppers you also conversed with the talking coyote. Reassurance in numbers. Besides, I got to read your comments to Steve and say, "See? SEE?" over and over again, which is something we both enjoy.

So I stopped the Reglan and I announced that I would no longer be dealing with the things that are currently stressing me out and I got a few nights of half-way decent sleep and I am leaving in about thirty minutes to go see my OB who will tell me what to do about the fact that I don't want to eat anything. 

I went to the opening ceremony for Patrick's school today, an assembly that involved the new students and kindergartners walking through arches while the rest of the school sang. Good grief it was cute. Patrick got assigned a reading buddy from the second-third grades last week and I think his reading buddy was one of the kids who got up at the assembly to share their hopes and dreams for the year. My own hope and dream is that this kid is, in fact, Patrick's assigned literacy pal because he said that his goal for the year was to "work on his mastery of the sciences". This is the kind of reading buddy Patrick needs. As I drove him to school today Patrick asked if he was ever going to learn anything in school that he does not already know. I thought this was sort of discouraging but reminded him that they are still getting to know everyone and that it takes time for the teachers to figure out challenges for each kid. Patrick suggested that he does not have to use the math tools anymore (I think he is a little sick of picking ten red dinosaurs out of the jar) because he already knows it all and I told him he has so much more to learn about math it is not even funny. HOWEVER, I said that I thought it would be ok for him to ask his teacher for something harder to do when he really feels that he knows what they are working on already. I reminded him he needs to show his teacher what he knows, he can't just not do something, but that I bet she will be willing to help him find something he is more interested in if he asks her.

"Like fractions?" he asked and I said, "Maybe".

Patrick and I have talked a lot over the past month or so about how kids are all good at lots of different things. About how some kids have spent a long time becoming really good dancers or really good at sports but that everything takes work and practice. So that there may be kids in his class who do not know how to read because they were spending their time learning how to be great at other things. And that the teacher does not know who is good at what yet, so in order to find out what they still need to learn she will need to ask. SO (and this was my point) when somebody asks him if he can find the letter P on something they are REALLY not making fun of him or on the verge of a punchline. They are just asking if he knows. Also, if he ever thinks it is funny that someone else is still learning the alphabet he should remember all of the things that he is still learning to do - many of which this other kid probably is really good at already - so pipe down or I will smite him.      

Not that Patrick is inclined to be that way, but he is kinda starting to bust out with the fiveness and I thought it was important to check any potential snootiness right now. Lest he forget, he is the one who is still refusing to pee at school (another issue altogether and one that I will address after my appointment. which is right now. so bye.)

PS I admit that I am currently a little uncertain about the school we have chosen but I am willing myself to back the fuck down and give things a few more weeks to settle. We'll see.

PPS I hope I get an ultrasound.

PPPS New REDBOOK post up.

Comments

[squashi]

I am so glad you are feeling better! And it sounds like you are being really great about teaching Patrick these important lessons.

Ok, I admit it. The REAL reason I am commenting is to politely request that you post a belly photo. Is that too much to ask? Yes? ok, forget it then. But it would be very exciting to see photographic evidence of all this excitement.

Love, Squashi

[Pam L]

Yeah, I would definitely give the school more time, like you are asking Patrick to do with his teacher. It is pretty early and being that it's Kindergarten, I'm sure if you need to make an adjustment you can do so for first grade. I always got a little impatient in the earlier grades with all the reviewing they do at the beginning of the year, but now that my son is in HS and he asks me a Math question I have about a 7/100ths chance of answering it and last night when he had to cite some data in MLA form for Science and I had not a clue,(thank god for google) I've gotten over my impatience and now wish for simpler days, sometimes anyway.

[Lisa B]

I'm eating for you, Julia, never fear! I love your family, in a strictly platonic-via-the-intarnets way, of course. How does Steve ever manage not to squeeze you and Patrick to pieces for the cuteness of you both? (Yeah, ok, you don't need to answer that.) Of course, love has nothing to do with my finding out you were in Seattle and you never wrote, you never called, you just flew overhead! Pout. :)

[Katharine]

I disagree with give it some time. If they are still asking him to find the "p" in things despite his reading proficiency and general smartypants-ness, it's time to get the heck out of dodge and find a new school. I applaud the efforts to smite the snootiness, but don't make Patrick suffer through a year of earth-shattering boredom 7/100's of a minute longer than he must.

I spent my kindergarten year with my head on the desk, bored out of my mind, getting evaluated for such behavior, despite the fact that the only reading group they could give me was with the principal of the school and that my teacher refused to teach me any more math after February because that was what she knew. It sucked to be me, it sucked to be my mom, and it probably wasn't a picnic for my classmates, either. Switched schools in first grade and never looked back. To this day, my mom regrets waiting as long as she did and being as polite and thoughtful as she was about the whole affair. (She took me to TWO opthamologists at the school's urging to investigate the head-resting behavior, as the teachers thought it might be eyesight-related. She finally asked why I insisted on doing it, and I stated in a rather smartass five-year-old way that I was too bored to think.)

Anyhoo, truly not trying to toot my own horn, but I do follow Patrick's story with great zeal as it is quite interesting to watch the experience from an adult perspective. You are doing a lovely job; I'm just trying to give you permission to unleash the mother-tiger thing a little more and get your poor brilliant boy some decent stimulation, or he'll be coming up with some rather colorful responses about where the "P" could be put...

[jessica]

Have you considered getting an Algebra textbook for Patrick, just to see what he does with it?

He'd either devour it or it would put things in mental perspective for him. Either way you could have some fun.

[RockeGrl]

Commenting here instead of Redbok.

My neighbors just had twins. They held a "
Pre-Coming Out" party where we all filled in cards with our guesses on the twins sex ( Baby A is and Baby B is?), provided name suggestions and encouraging comments. At the end of the party, they opened a sealed envelope from the OB revealing the sex and position of each twin. Was a real fun event.

[Pam L]

I don't think being polite has anything to do with waiting a bit longer before considering switching schools. It's only been 3 weeks and there hasn't even been a real PT conference yet, has there? They have to observe how the students are doing in the regular classroom , which the first week or two is not regular. Patrick is already in a mixed grade class so I'm sure there will be something challenging for him soon, if not already. It's hard to know what's really going on in the classroom if you're not there. I still say give it a little more time anyway. Switching mid-semester or whatever the grading period is,could be a little disconcerting to a kid I would think, but I'm sure you'll make the right decision for Patrick as you know him best.

[FENICLE]

I just came across your site tonight & enjoyed reading through some of your recent posts!

Our son is having Pre-K issues at the moment...so I feel your pain.

[FENICLE]

I just came across your site tonight & enjoyed reading through some of your recent posts!

Our son is having Pre-K issues at the moment...so I feel your pain.

[FENICLE]

I just came across your site tonight & enjoyed reading through some of your recent posts!

Our son is having Pre-K issues at the moment...so I feel your pain.

[Beth]

Well, my five year old won't pee anywhere but home or at his grandmother's house, so maybe it's a five thing? Or a personality quirk unrelated to geographical location?

[Just Me]

Patrick will find out for himself about how academically ahead isn't ahead on everything. I was a fluent reader in kindergarten, but I didn't tie well until 4th grade, to my humiliation. I also was pulled aside for what amounted to remedial PE for a while to learn to go up and down stairs alternating feet. This is something I still don't love doing.

Truth be told, I generally was jealous of the kids who were at the lower end of the academic scale.

[Andrea]

Glad you're not a nutbag anymore.

Re: the sexes. DON'T FIND OUT. People who find out early do NOT know what they are missing. Finding out when the baby (ies) is (are) born is one of the most incredible moments a woman can have. Knowing you have a son(s)/daughter(s) and seeing him/her/them (good grief twins make sentence structure complicated) at that exact moment... well words do not suffice. It is amazing beyond description.

Of course this is America and you are free and will do what you wish, but that is my advice. You might regret finding out early, but you won't regret waiting. Besides, as much as you know about these babes already, it seems quaint that you save such a special part for the end. Makes it seem like an old-fashion pregnancy.

[juliag]

My mom often told me that school wasn't really about learning specific facts and figures and such. She said that a big part of school was about learning how to interact with peers and how to deal with authority figures. She said it was training for "the real world" where you'd have co-workers and bosses. Most academic learning doesn't happen in school anyway. Not saying that Patrick should necessarily stay at this school...but just another perspective.

On a personal note, I can kind of relate to Patrick's situation. My mathematical ability level (PhD in Math from a top university) and my current job (stay at home mom) and a little out of whack. I find myself factoring the time on the digital clock as I rock DS to sleep at each wake up ;) 11:34, 11:35, 11:36,... Sometimes it can take him an hour to get back to sleep. Very monotonous.

[jozet]

Ach...Kindergarten. I remember it well with my oldest daughter. She, too, went in with out-the-wazoo skills and has since tested into the G/T program with an individual GIEP written for her.

It's a tricky conversation to have, but I think you handled it well (if you were wondering at all what I think, lol.) My eldest is also a perfectionist and if something doesn't come easily to her the first time around, she's likely to drop it all-together, which isn't necessarily good for building good study habits/discipline that will be needed throughout school/life. Let's face it - she's going to need to do more than just what she's currently good at or interested in, I don't care what Johh Holt says. Learning to play piano is great at showing her very concretely how you can start from ground zero and work toward achieving skills.

Another thing we try to do with my eldest is not say things like "you're so smart" but instead focus on "you really worked hard on that project." Studies have shown that kids who are recognized for their work and not necessarily their talent go farther toward pushing themselves in both areas of talent and areas where a skill doesn't come easily. I think it goes a long way toward keeping my daughter humble should she have a stray moment of I'm-so-smartitude.

Did you ask me any of this? No. I'm just a busy-body, lol. Mostly thinking outloud.

[jozet]

Ach...Kindergarten. I remember it well with my oldest daughter. She, too, went in with out-the-wazoo skills and has since tested into the G/T program with an individual GIEP written for her.

It's a tricky conversation to have, but I think you handled it well (if you were wondering at all what I think, lol.) My eldest is also a perfectionist and if something doesn't come easily to her the first time around, she's likely to drop it all-together, which isn't necessarily good for building good study habits/discipline that will be needed throughout school/life. Let's face it - she's going to need to do more than just what she's currently good at or interested in, I don't care what Johh Holt says. Learning to play piano is great at showing her very concretely how you can start from ground zero and work toward achieving skills.

Another thing we try to do with my eldest is not say things like "you're so smart" but instead focus on "you really worked hard on that project." Studies have shown that kids who are recognized for their work and not necessarily their talent go farther toward pushing themselves in both areas of talent and areas where a skill doesn't come easily. I think it goes a long way toward keeping my daughter humble should she have a stray moment of I'm-so-smartitude.

Did you ask me any of this? No. I'm just a busy-body, lol. Mostly thinking outloud.

[Rebecca]

Hi Julia-
would you ever consider getting some advanced homeschooling books in Math for Patrick to try. He seems quite far ahead- maybe even 3rd or 4th grade stuff. It would be something you could do at home.
I must admit, I feel a bit sad for him if he's completely bored with the easy stuff at school.
And I think you are handling the situation very well- it would be awful for him to inadvertently offend the other kids because he is so smart.
Good luck with the OB

[Patty]

Responding here instead of Redbook ...

Please please please DON'T find out what sex the babies are!

I had twin boys in June 2006. The first surprise was that I was having twins at all (no family history, no fertility meds, etc., etc., etc.). We hadn't planned to find out with one baby, and we didn't with our two.

It was the BEST. MOMENT. EVER. in the delivery room. The doctor even told me he'd never delivered twins when the parents didn't know the genders, and we had nurses who'd cared for me stay after their shifts were over to find out, too. It was just a wonderful, awesome moment.

[a.]

if your state is anything like mine, then Kindergarten teachers are required to perform this battery of tests within the first 4 weeks that are pretty freaking boring for a lot of kids. The tests are a pretty big time suck, too. Don't bail on the school yet- the teachers might be as ready as Patrick to get on to the fun stuff.

[Erica]

Hey Julia -- maybe we should all pitch in and start the Nutty Pregnancy Diner in Spokane, where we can take in all the pregnant ladies across the land who have just lost it? I'll be "Flo."

Anyway, I've had the hyperemesis gravitas (superbarf pregnancy) problem, even through the pregnancy I lost last year (NOT fair), and something that has helped my appetite has been Zofran. It costs appx $1m/pill, but it's a glorious feeling.

And I've just decided that we're going to find out the sex of this baby too. I wasn't going to, as it's fun to have a little mystery in one's life, but ultimately, SCREW THAT. After multiple pregnancy losses myself, I need something to cling onto so I can stop calling this child-to-be "it" and start thinking of it as a -- gasp -- possible human being of the future.

Anyway, good luck, and not that I know anything about this stuff, but I'd switch schools for that kid. I mean, if there is a brilliant fractional dinosaur school within reach of your vet.

[winecat]

Julia I think you are a BRILLIANT parent, so aware of Patrick and all his plus and minuses.

Keep up the good work. Not being a parent I'm not sure about school but I remember how awful it was to be bored because I was a grade or 2 about most of my classmates. Still my parents made what I consider the right decision and kept me with my peer group just making sure that my intellectual (sp) needs were being met at the same time. Advanced math, reading, etc.

[Susan]

I'm glad to see you are keeping up good spirits. I hope you get an ultrasound too.

[All Adither]

Uncertain about the school--even with the arches and the singing?

Seriously, I think it might take a few weeks or even a month. But, what do I know? My kids are younger than yours.

[L]

Good to hear that you are feeling better I hope the appointment went well.

Good luck with the school. They are probably still getting to know him and he may need to jump through quite a few loops (show them that he really mastered xyz) before they let him do something more challenging. If he keeps moving through boring and very easy stuff (you know going from count 10 dinosaurs to count 25 dinosaurs to add 3 blue and 5 red dinosaurs) I wouldn't be concerned but if he has been counting 10 red dinosaurs for a week then I would start worrying.

How does it work in his class? Does a kid work either on K level or 1st grade level and there are only 2 different things to do (all K count dinosaurs today) or are there are many different levels preferably every child doing something else? The teacher already knows that Patrick can do much more than just count to 10 and she knows that he can read. It shouldn't be that difficult to test his reading level, math can take longer I think.

My older one just started K this week and I will most likely second guess my choice till he starts doing challenging work. So far they have done most fine motors skills, lots of cutting and writing and the level is perfect for him. We will see when it comes to math and reading. I had a meeting with the teacher before the school started and showed her some of the things he wrote. She immediately promised 1st grade material which sounds quite promising. It's still bellow where he is but it's nice to hear that they will not let him do K work just because he happens to be five.

I am not really sure what I would do if things didn't work too well and he was not challenged. I may be in your shoes a few weeks from now. It must be hard for Patrick to be bored. There is a limit to how many times one can do something simple over and over again. May be write an e-mail to the teacher or talk to her and just ask how he is doing and ask about one of the subjects. Like what books he likes to read or what she thinks about his math and see what she has to say. May be Patrick will be able advocate for himself a little bit. It never hurts to try.

Yes, you can give him extra work at home but what's the point? He goes to school to learn new things not to learn how to get through the day. I have nothing against doing more at home (we do because my kids want to) but it shouldn't be the only new thing he learns.

[Jessica]

Give it some time, I vote. The teachers will figure out how to deal with Patrick, more than likely. I was a grade level or more above the rest of my class in reading (terrible at math, though, TERRIBLE), so they ended up just giving me novels to read and outside work to keep me interested. Elementary school, especially, is as much about learning to deal with your peer group and crafts and art and learning to play the recorder and whatnot as it is about counting and your ABCs. I don't really even remember being that bored during the parts of school that were way too easy for me. I probably told my mother school was BOOOOORING, but there was too much other stimulation (being in a classroom with 20 other kids, for example) going on to get really that bored, especially at Patrick's age.

Now, Algebra II, I was really bored in. Albeit not because I was so great at it.

[Amber]

bust out with the fiveness??? I LOVE IT!!

and you handled that incredibly well. why cant every parent be like that. what an idea...to keep it positive all around, instead of tearing down another kid just to build your own up. "well jonny, you are so smart, and the other kids just aren't..." I never understood that.

hope I remember to do the same if ever in the situation.

[Stephanie]

Hi Julia-

My son is also, um, advanced. He is one of four born to myself, my brother, my cousin, and one of my aunts within a three month time period (yes, huge extended family!) so there have been comparisons since the word go with other kids. He is not the oldest, but he was the first to go to kindergarten as he was ready--academically and socially, whereas the others weren't. There have been tons of hurt feelings, and I've felt over the past few years (he's in second grade now) that I've had to minimize his intelligence/accomplishments to avoid hurt feelings among my family members.

We too have had the discussion that not all kids are the same--maybe your cousin so-and-so can't do X like you, but they can do Y, which isn't your thing--but it's been difficult. As for the school situation, the first parent teacher conference I went to I was, um....shocked. The things he was graded on, and the level he had to be at come the end of the year (count to 100, count by 10's, 2's, etc.)he had already been doing prior to the start of school. Basically, he worked on his handwriting during school hours because that's what he had left to do.......

I went out and bought him second and third grade math books (that and science are his things) and he'd work through them. It was great as I had homework of my own (single mom, student + 2 jobs) and he would sit down and do 'his homework.' You might want to go to a teacher supply store or even Sam's club (kids book section, they have some decent workbooks). It really helped to have him stimulated--we had a little less of the not sitting still issues that stemmed from boredom.

Love reading about Patrick (and the babies, the conception of which through redbook is what led me to your story!), he reminds me of my guy. Hope things work out with school, it IS hard having an advanced (for lack of a better word) kid when no one knows what to do with them.

[wheelomatic]

Glad you are back to feeling a bit more like you plus 2 rather than Space Bat and the Skeleton Kids.

Here is one vote for waiting to find out the genders of the 13s. I can't explain why except you are going to find out any way and you can't change it anyhow so what is the difference in waiting except to enjoy a bit of delicious anticipation? I personally don't subscribe to gender specific clothes or decorating so I have no worry about buying the "wrong" thing. Not that I have a problem with others who do, I just don't have brain space to bother if the prevailing culture has determined that THIS or THAT color or cut matches the not-for-public-viewing hooha of my putative child. It is just me, I know.
Any way, happy HOT 1st of Fall in MN to you.

[Heather]

I also agree at giving the school a bit more time. I love the conversations you have with Patrick! I think you explained to him fantastically about how other people might not know that he knows things that the other children do not and about how everyone has something that they are working on learning. I have the same conversations with my DD who's turning 7 all the time.

[ellipsisknits]

Hear hear to juliag!
School is for people. You might do some learning there, but if you really want to know it, you need to find it out for yourself. Otherwise, he'll just get grouchy and not want to learn anything on his own because he thinks they'll get to it eventually in school, and doesn't want to be bored then too. (oh wait, that was me...)

I also got pushed a little hard on the 'just because you're smart doesn't mean you're special'. I had 95th percentile scores on things, but didn't want to go to science camps or clubs because I didn't think I was smart enough.

I'm sorry about adding my own assvice to the dozens of conflicting opinions of perfect strangers already here, I really really do apologize, but it sounds so familiar.
-C

[Debbie]

My son started Kindergarten when my twins were 6 mos. and between the lack of sleep and hormones, I let a lot slide. DO NOT GIVE IT MORE TIME. Call the teacher. Set up a time to talk. Find out her plans for Patrick. Our entire year turned out to be a disaster. In first grade, I called the teacher after two weeks and said...what are we going to do here? And she was incredibly receptive. She created special homework and monthly packets that we could work on together. Harry just started 2nd grade and was tested last week for a special math curriculum! The school has really stepped up. But I still kick myself for letting them off the hook the first year. They have too many kids to worry about and the squeaky wheel gets the grease. Feel free to be the squeaky wheel! You will not regret it!

[wordhummingbird]

Hi Julia...I've read for a long time, but never commented, but will now. About kindergarten: I had a similar problem with my son. He went to a full-day kindergarten and got a page to color every day. That was it for intellectual stimulation. I stayed up nights, tearing my hair out about this. He tested into an accelerated program that started in first grade, but there is no getting around the fact that kindergarten wasn't going to challenge him academically. But I agree with other commenters: there is so much they are learning that is equally, if not more, important. First of all, they need to learn that school is fun, good, etc. Make sure you keep up the positive face for Patrick, don't undermine the teacher. Remember, she has a ton of other kids who need to learn the alphabet and other basic stuff. Unless she is absolutely amazing, she is not going to set up a new curriculum just for one student. So I'd just let that part go - if you want to get Patrick workbooks or homeschool math projects for outside school, go for it, and just try to reinforce the other good parts of school. In the meantime, get him going on something else outside of school. I would highly reccommend music. My son began taking violin lessons at 5, and that challenge kept him stimulated during the dreary kindergarten years. First, it is hard, so it was a great lesson for him to understand that everything is not easy (like K school work). Also, learning to read music is like decoding - he loved it. There's math - fractions- an eighth note is half of a quarter note, etc. My daughter is doing piano which is less challenging small motor wise, but more so for reading music - two clefs! Different notes! Incredibly hard. Anyway, hang in there. All the parents in our accelerated program all agree that kindergarten was challenging for its lack-of-challenge, but so necessary to learn other skills like being patient, waiting turns, making friends and peeing in a strange bathroom. Good luck!

[Kel]

Ack. I'm so jealous of Patrick's first assembly. My child's first assembly last week was a freakin' SALES RALLY for the wrapping paper fund raiser.

They hauled out a BMX bike, a gaming console and a Shrek costumes and whipped all the kids into a material, wanna have that frenzy. No, "we have to have fund raisers for the good of the school, so do your part to be a good citizen...", no "welcome to our school first graders and kindergarteners...".

And not every kid who sells X dollars is gonna get the loot. All the kids will get entered into a drawing...

I was so angry I wanted to take on the whole PTA muffia gang who seemed to put it on, but haven't because I don't have the time to volunteer to do any better. Argggg.

With my twins, I put off asking about the sexes because I wanted to option of not knowing (we knew it would be two of whatever because they are ID), but in the end, the girls freely exposed themselves during ultrasounds. It was exciting to find out, even then.

Kel

[mar]

Lots of good advice. I'd say by mid-October, if things haven't improved, then perhaps it's time to speak to either the teacher or the principal.

One thing about boredom (and I found this more w/my boy than girl) - boredom leads to less than desirable behaviors and bad habits. My son had a horrible teacher in 2nd grade. Her unwillingness to provide him w/more challenging work in class led to some behavior issues stemming from boredom, which led to him being put in the back of the class so that he "didn't disturb the other children." This led to his charming habit of making snarky comments loud enough for the rest of the class to hear, and is a habit he still has today, 4 years later. I am still kicking myself for not insisting that he be either switched from that class or given more appropriate work.

Our experience has shown us (and our school counselor agreed) - gifted children, esp. boys (I hate to be promoting stereotypes, but sometimes, it's just the way it is) tend to be a few years ahead academically and a few years behind socially. Part of the struggle for them is balancing all of that. It seems by about 7-8th grade it all starts to come together, but it's a process that is chock full of potential emotional landmines.

Patrick sounds just delightful to me - can't wait to see how he blooms as a big brother!

[Anita]

re: new REDBOOK post.

My God(dess). I am so happy for you, gill-girl.

[Esme]

I am totally co-opting your talk with Patrick so that I can use it on my youngest daughter. You put it so well!

[victoria]

I woke up this morning thinking, "Today feels like a day that will bring a new post from Julia." And I was right! I'm so glad you got a nice long lovely look at the babies. And so glad you posted about it. Thank you.

[terri c]

Just peeking in--hoping you are OK.