Sick Baby

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. Nobody expects to leave their one-month Well Baby check in an ambulance. Post up (such as it is) at REDBOOK but the short version is that Caroline has something akin to RSV and has been hospitalized. Also, I am quite possibly the worst mother in the entire fucking world.

The good news is Steve brought me some much needed stuff this morning so that I am no longer wearing those pre-pregnancy jeans that don't quite fit but were adequate for a quick trip to the pediatrician's office when I wanted to briefly fake svelte. And the toothbrush was nice. Did I learn nothing from all those third trimester OB visit? Always pack for the doctor as if you were going on a weekend trip. Always. Steve also brought me Edward as I decided that I would rather risk having him exposed to god knows what here than go three days without him.  Besides, we are "isolated" so no one is allowed into Caroline's room without a gown and mask. In theory this is to protect them from her but it works both ways.

Will update when I can. Good wishes for a speedy recovery appreciated if offered.

Comments

[Jill]

Many prayers for you all. And I'm so glad Steve brought Edward to you.

[L.]

Oh no! Many wishes for her speedy recovery. And lordy no, it is not your fault. Things can change so quickly with babies and they can be quite mysterious since they can't tell you anything about how they are doing. (And their breathing is always a bit funny anyway, so irregular.) Actually, come to think of it, how good that you had your one-month appointment when you did; perhaps her illness was caught extra quickly this way.

[Corinne]

You're in the best place possible. It's still not fit for man nor beast outside, anyway, and Caroline needs the company. Thinking of you all.

[Carolyn]

Sending tons of healthy thoughts Caroline's way!

[victoria]

Oh, poor baby! I hope she gets better immediately. And of course you are the BEST mother in the world and all 3 kids are very, very lucky that you are their mom.

[MJ]

All my well wishes heading to you and Caroline. You are most definitely not a bad mother. (I think I have that market covered. Don't try to hone in on it. ) Babies can get sick so quickly, and something serious can look not serious and vice versa.

Take care.

[Kate]

I am so sorry. A few years ago I brought one of my twins to the doctor because she just seemed to be taking too long to get over her little cold. She was also rushed to Children's Hospital in an ambulance from that appt. with RSV. It was a long two weeks, but she came out of it perfectly, and I've decided to forgive myself (why didn't I take her in sooner, etc.). Sort of. Mommy guilt is the worst, because on top of being exhausted from caring for your children, recovering from childbirth, you suddenly feel responsible for medical catastrophes (which you had no way of preventing or controlling, but there it is). Give yourself a break, let go of the guilt, and focus on your daughter getting better, because she will. When you get home, have a little breakdown, pick yourself up again, and soldier on.

[emily]

Lots of prayers that Caroline recovers speedily, and Edward and the rest of the family stay healthy despite the super-cold MN weather.

[CariP]

You are NOT a bad mother! Kids get sick and there is very little we can do about it. I hope that the recovery is quick and the beautiful princess is home and healthy soon. With any luck her handsome prince brothers will not get what she has! Praying for you all.

[MamaChristy]

sweet baby. Hope she's better soon...

[Audrey]

Hate to hear that--poor little thing. Respiratory season it is. *hugs and best wishes to Caroline and you all*

[maggie]

Damn - hope she's better soon. You're a great mom.

[BrooklynGirl]

Good Lord, my dear. Wishing you all the best.

(In case you're collecting frantic parenting experiences: a good friend of mine celebrated her daughter's first time sleeping through the night the morning of her 2 month well baby appointment. At the appointment, the baby was diagnosed with RSV and sent to the hospital and my friend was told that her daughter hadn't cried the night before because she couldn't breathe well enough to cry. They are all fine, but crap it was awful.)

[Noelle]

wishing caroline a speedy, speedy recovery and you, caroline, and edward a short hospital stay.

[Anita]

I've got goosebumps.

Prayers and hugs for a quick healthy trip home.

[Meg]

Oh, eek! Poor little kid. But it's NOT YOUR FAULT. Seriously, sweetheart - you're going through enough grief with the worry about Caroline and all your other general worries. Don't give yourself more reasons to feel bad!

[Meegan]

Aw, honey, I wished you well on Redbook and I'll do the same here. You are NOT a bad mother. You are simply not a pediatrician, nor are you expected to be one. Caroline will recover. She is in good hands and there are a LOT of people wishing her well and praying for her. Please get some rest yourself! The last thing Caroline needs is a run-down, sick mama. Good wishes and wellness to everyone.

[Jennifer]

You are a loving, compassionate peach of a mother and have done absolutely nothing wrong. Each of us could probably tell you a tale to compare and we would still not assauge your feelings of inadequacy or guilt. Those feelings are affixed by Velcro to all things mother. Sometimes a woman rips free for awhile and many times one is stuck quite firmly. Forunately, emotions in the form of wonder, adoration, and boundless pride are pretty sticky too. This too shall pass, dear Julia. Those gorgeous Caroline eyes are full of trust because you are worthy.

[spacemom]

Oh no! May Caroline recover quickly and may Edward stay Healthy....

[ericalil]

Much love to you all, and wishes for a speedy recovery for Caroline! I'm so sorry you're going through this, I hope you are all healthy and at home soon.

[bethany actually]

I am a faithful reader but I rarely comment. I am SO GLAD you were at the doctor's and Caroline was able to get treatment as quickly as she was. Praying for you.

[Lisa V]

Mallory had RSV at 6 weeks. Very scary. She spent a couple of days in the hospital. IV's and oxygen tents, yikes. But in the end, she was fine.

I know Caroline will be too. Thinking good thoughts.

[MommyLane]

Saying prayers for little Caroline whose name rhymes with wine. And for her sweet mama....

[Allison]

Keep your head up and be strong. You are a great, great mother. You are strong.

[Judy]

I'm so sorry you and your family are having such a terrible time of it right now. Know that I, along with hundreds of other readers, are thinking of you all and wishing for a very speedy recovery.

[sarah]

hang tight. I spent a week in the hospital when my twins were about 2 weeks old -- they just had ear infections but scarier things were suspected.

best part: fancy hospital breastpump.

worst part: spinal taps.

hope it's speedy speedy and you're out of there soon.

[Sadie]

Babies and bad breathing together are just plain scary. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this, and I understand the torn feeling about having Edward away from you at the same time.

My baby has asthma, chronic lung disease, etc. A few days ago found us in the ER for mega steroids. So yesterday we follow up at the pulmonlogist and he gives me 3 different inhalers and instructions and explanations. I was so out of my mind from exhaustion that I FORGOT to give ANY OF THEM to her today-- my MIL had to remind me when my daughter started coughing up a storm.

We love them. We'd do anything for them. We're not perfect but most of the time we get it pretty damn close. We're just not superwomen. We need HELP(and sleep.)

Thinking of sweet Caroline, and you, and hoping Edward has already been exposed and fought off whatever she has. Actually, perhaps your breast milk already has the antibodies in it, and he's been partaking.

[jen]

This happened to me when my son was an infant as well. Godspeed for a speedy recovery-- and you are not a bad mother!

[Kathleen]

Yikes. Wishing Caroline a super speedy recovery and thinking of you.

[Kymberli]

Wishing Caroline a speedy recovery and I hope that Edward stays healthy in the process, as well!

[ali]

Oh, Julia! Best wishes for a speedy recovery for your little one.

[Veronica]

I hope she gets better fast for you. Thinking of you.

[Loona]

I'm so sorry! I hope your whole family is together at home soon, with everyone well and happy.

[jb]

prayers, good wishes and all that for you and the two little ones, your medium sized boy & your big boy -- and you too. hang in there. and you are a GOOD MOTHER.

[SarcastiCarrie]

well wishes.

I hope when she gets out, you just breathe a sigh of relief and something like "that was scary" and move on.

[Ruth]

Some day we shall all share our bad mother stories. As E said above, we all have at least one per child.

Sending all my best wishes to sweet little Caroline for a speedy and complete recovery.

[sozzled (but not at this moment)]

Julia, you are so not the worst mother ever (I am, ask my girls) You and the babies are in my thoughts and prayers....Elisabeth

[Dani]

Oh my. I wasn't prepared for this post. I just stopped by for a dose of cuteness....

My heart is with you as I know the feeling of helplessness and the constant thoughts of "why didn't I know something was wrong?" and "Dammit.. I should have called the doctor earlier."

Been there, done that. Twice. It wasn't my fault and it certainly isn't yours either.

The important thing is that she's under constant care now and getting the help she needs. I hope things run smoothly and swiftly.

Not that you need a perfect stranger to tell you this, but you're a great mom.

*Hugs*

[Mandee]

First and foremost, all my well wishes to little Caroline. Secondly, you are not a horrible mother! You are exhausted and frightened and torn in 3 different directions, but you are doing a wonderful job. Hang in there.

[Nicole]

Caroline! Don't scare us. Get well very, very soon.

[iheartnewyork]

I'm so sorry, Julia, how scary. Thinking good things from here in NY for you and yours.

[colicmommy]

Child rolled off bed....2 times
Same child fall down stairs....4 times
Crushed same child's fingers in front door, myself...1 time
Father of same child dropped him from his shoulders onto concrete driveway, causing minor skull fracture (kid's fine)...1 time

You so are not winning that worst mother award, nuh-uh.

Sending lots of prayers for a speedy recovery and for mom to forgive herself for not being a pediatrician.

[anne nahm]

Each of my kids had at least one thing before they were a year old - the kind of thing where you can just watch and wonder if the world is going to turn on an new axis you never suspected would exist for your family.

Wishing thoughts of a speedy recovery and that this is her thing never to be repeated and only to be remembered with a shudder and a smile of having gotten out the other side free and clear thing .

[Anna]

You're not the world's worst mother, you just feel that way (as we all do from time to time). I'm wishing you all well and a very swift recovery for Caroline.

[Susan]

You are so NOT a bad mother. My son was born with supraventricular tachacardia. No one detected it until he was nine weeks old. By then (they told me later) he was within thirty minutes of death. Things happen. We do the best we can.

I will keep all of you, specially Caroline and Edward, in my prayers.

[BN]

get well fast, Caroline! and stay well, Edward & Mama! My son had RSV exactly a year ago, at 4 months. Even at that age, it was scary and not fun. Please don't try to blame yourself.

[SnarkyMommy]

If it's not one thing, it's another with kids. Hang in there.

We were sent straight to the childen's hospital with my son at 5 days old as he had a very low temperature at his first doc visit. They said it could have been an infection, kept him for 48 hours and ran tests including a spinal tap -- which they would not let me be present for. It was great times. He turned out to "just be cold." I turned out to be "just a little pissed about it."

This too shall pass and she'll be good as new and home very soon. Glad you can have Edward with you.

[Kristine]

You and Caroline are absolutely in my thoughts!

Speedy recovery!

[Amy]

Get well, Caroline, and stay strong, Julia and family. Prayers, hugs, and peace from IL.

14 years ago tomorrow (1/31), our firstborn, with a Valentine's Day due date, decided 2 weeks early on the nose was it, and there was no more we could do or say to convince him otherwise, especially as he'd been trying to come since before Halloween months prior. Two weeks later, on his EDD of Valentine's Day, he was readmitted for a week with pneumonia. I beat myself up. I sobbed. I doubted. Had I washed my hands enough? Had we been bad parents for taking him into the little restaurant we liked to eat at a few days prior? Should I have used unscented wipes? (Hey, he's my first! I scrutinized EVERYTHING!)I thought I was careful...Should I have fought off half a dozen uninvited, lingering wellwishers in the dead of winter with hacking coughs and running noses harder when I walked out of the bathroom in my robe, engorged as my milk had just come in, but was shocked into polite, dumbfounded silence to find them all there? Even after we'd told inlaws we'd visit these folks in a few weeks when he was just a little bigger?!

When a couple nurses who cared for our son a lot talked to me and helped me see I had to get over that I couldn't turn back the clock or hunt down what caused it, or kill rude, germ laden inlaws, I had another cry and then let it go the best I could and willed myself to only focus on him getting better. I had to. He needed all of me. He needed his momma to be all about him right now. I could be there right then for him, nurse him and talk to him, and help them care for him and help get him well. That I could do, and I did it the best I could.

You are with your Caroline, being an awesome mother and taking care of her, and Steve is being a fantastic father to your sons, these gosh darn germs be damned. You are a loving family, good people, good parents, and Caroline will get better and be home with you soon. You will all be together again soon. Hang in there and just take in all of the prayers, wishes and hopes coming your way and know we're here for you folks.

Heal, baby girl, and get well soon, you have two brothers to wrangle and wrap around your finger, and two loving parents you need to keep occupied and mesmorized. They love all you kids so much.

[halloweenlover]

You are not a bad mother! How were you supposed to know that she was really sick?

Sending very speedy wishes for a super fast recovery. And not too much stress on your part.