Hospitalized No More

I think what I felt so guilty about was not the fact that Caroline was sick, but that she was SO sick and I did not realize it and I felt like I should have. In the span of about three hours I answered questions about her condition from: the pediatrician's assistant, his nurse, the pediatrician, one of his partners, the paramedic, the ER nurse, the ER respiratory doctor, ditto that nurse, the ER admitting physician, the floor nurse, a third year med student, the resident and the attending physician. When I confessed for the tenth time that yes, she was wheezing; yes, she was lethargic; yes I suppose her suddenly copious spitting up could indeed be called "vomiting"; yes I DO see the way her ribcage is retracting now that you point it out... I felt like a two inch moron. I would, I swear it, I WOULD have brought her in to the doctor that day if we did not have her one month already scheduled, but it was hard to ignore the fact that I clearly should have brought her in the day before.

So I felt terrible about it until I read your comments sharing similar stories. Why I should find comfort in the fact that we are all neglectful bastards I do not know, but I truly did. So thank you. I was particularly relieved to see that I am not the first person to leave the doctor's office in an ambulance. That dramatic element had really been bothering me.

Hey speaking of thanks, I no longer remember who urged me to read "To Say Nothing of the Dog" but a big WOW! to you. I have had this book in my purse since before I had the babies and I finally started it in the emergency room. Love it, completely charming. Thank you. PS What in the bloody hell is a bird stump?

Edward is squawking again. Poor thing, he feels really lousy. I should go, REDBOOK post up if you want to read it.

Oh, and this is my public apology to Eli Manning for all the mean things I have ever said or thought about him since he refused to go to the Chargers: well played, young Manning, well played.

I think somehow the entire Giants Defense should have been MVP instead (maybe just Strahan?) but when Eli needed to get a touchdown he managed to do it; and even as Steve and I were predicting an interception on that last drive we were cheering him on. What a great Superbowl that was - hard not to love an upset. Steve kept listlessly saying "Go Packers" during the first three quarters - rather pathetic, actually.

Back later.   

PS Awww, I love it when you guys try to cheer me up with the gift of laughter. Just to clarify, though, in response to this "you're an idiot..bring your other child and exposing him to germs...no wonder God made it so difficult for you to have a baby, he realized what a loser you are": my unsupported theory has always been that Steve's translocation was caused by Marrakesh. But I suppose the God's Loser Punishment proponents might have their point, too.

Honestly, bringing Edward to the hospital was not ideal. But when you have two primarily breastfed newborns and one is hospitalized, what is ideal?    

Comments

[Susan too]

I am glad you are home again....take care

[Sara]

Don't worry! RSV is one of those things that they like to overreact to now...

[Lisa]

Welcome home Julia, Caroline and Edward.

I have heard many terrible stories about RSV and other ailments among the very young lately. My sister will barely leave her home with her newborn as her doctor has predicted all sorts of doom and gloom.

You are in no way neglectful. It can be very hard to know when to make a big deal about something and when not to. I tend to have the wrong response most of the time. Big deal when it is nothing, lack of concern exhibited when I should have been jumping up and down screaming.

Caroline and Edward are in good hands.

[mar]

I too am one of those mom's that went to a well baby check up with what I thought was a little croup, and left the doctors office in an ambulance, with the paramedics on board, and spent 5 days in the hospital in an oxygen tent w/my 15 month old, so I understand the guilt, the lack of sleep (really - who thought giving us moms reclining Naugahyde was a good idea or at all conducive to sleep?), the fear of the oxygen sat sensor, the gratefulness for those angels of the pediatric ward, and a renewed appreciation for my own bed. Glad to hear everyone is now just crummy instead of crazed!!

[sallyjo]

you're an idiot..bring your other child and exposing him to germs...no wonder God made it so difficult for you to have a baby, he realized what a loser you are.

[MommyLane]

It's good for us all to remember that our 'mommy intuition' is not always spot on. I think that's when I feel the most guilty: when I think that I should have KNOWN what was wrong.
So glad your babies are home with you and lounging on your chest...

[Lisa]

I've been reading your blog for about 2-3 years now, and honestly, I've been thinking about you and little Caroline all weekend and when I saw this, all I thought was "Oh, thank God!" And I'm not even religious. Anyway, I'm really glad that she is home and you guys can all start to get used to normal family life as a family of five!

And as I have no kids yet I can't share any horror stories but please I'm sure I'll have plenty of them.

[Missy]

I have done this - purposely not gone in with a sick kid because I have already have an appointment scheduled for tomorrow. And then feel bad when it's pneumonia. And vindicated when it's "just a cold". The important thing is you took her in, she got the treatment she needed, and now you are all home. Best wishes for a speedy recovery for everyone. And "awww" for babies sleeping on you. So sweet!

And sallyjo, seriously? So uncalled for.

[lizardek]

Connie Willis is amazing. Read everything she's written. The bird stump will eventually, sort of, be explained.

[Jen]

so glad everyone's back home and getting back to normal...and look at you with your very own happy fun ball. :)

[Priscilla]

Quel relief! So glad everyone is home and on the mend. What a good idea to have Edward join you...no doubt - NO DOUBT - he was already coming down with the virus, so why not have him join the party and let the doctors and nurses keep an eye on him as well?

It sucks when the wee ones are sick, but I do love me some snuggling baby, too! Take care.

[Helen]

Hmm, I'm thinking Sally Jo is the kind who kicks puppies when she's down.

Sally Jo aside, I thought what you did was ideal-keeping the three of you together in what was as you mentioned a sterile room. I was impressed. I had images of you three in a big giant bubble, like John Travolta but without the hair, holding your hands up to the plastic to talk to the nurses.

[tree town gal]

OK, good luck with the cuddling and snuggling and napping... very glad you are all home safe and sound...

[Slim]

The ideal is to have a hospital wing attached to your own house, staffed by your own team of physicians and nurses. Getting that done is Steve's job, however.

Glad everyone's home, where there are no germs.

[Annie]

Re: To Say Nothing of the Dog and bird stumps...keep reading! It's answered further on in the book.

SO glad that all are well.

[Anne]

Hey! You've got a troll! :-)

I'm so glad to hear everyone is back home again. I don't what it is this month, but I've heard of several kids with such bad upper respiratory infections that they have spent time in the hospital, and other kids that just have raging 103 degree fevers. I can only hope (please god, knock wood!) that my daughter does not catch said scourge. I am so, so SO ready for spring....

[Tine]

OMG, did someone actually SAY that? Talk about an idiotic loser (IL). Does IL not realize that Edward had already been exposed to Caroline's germs? And that the best way to boost his little immune system is to keep him at the breast? Plus...what sort of jerk says something like that to a stressed-out mom of a sick baby? Grrrr....

[Anne]

Hey! You've got a troll! :-)

I'm so glad to hear everyone is back home again. I don't what it is this month, but I've heard of several kids with such bad upper respiratory infections that they have spent time in the hospital, and other kids that just have raging 103 degree fevers. I can only hope (please god, knock wood!) that my daughter does not catch said scourge. I am so, so SO ready for spring....

[Lisa]

Ah, so glad you are home... I was refreshing all weekend, too, thinking about you and the babies. I never left the pediatrician's office in an ambulance, but I *have* called 911 in the middle of the night to come check a kid who was maybe having trouble breathing? or maybe not. The kid - and I - will never forget those oversized firefighters in all their gear, standing over his bed. Gulp. Get better soon...

Lisa

[Barb]

I've been worried about you, too. Thank you for posting. You are not neglectful. It's so hard to know just how sick they are sometimes. I remember going to the doctor because I was sick with a horrible sinus infection. My son, who was about three at the time, was sick, too, but I thought it was just a cold. Since we were both in the examination room, the doc listened to my son's chest and discovered that he had pneumonia. I had no idea. And then there are all the other times you take them in because they seem so ill and you're told it's just a virus and to go home. So it's just not easy to tell.

P.S. I cannot believe anyone would leave such a nasty comment on this blog. Shame on you. Just shame.on.you.

[sarah]

I have never had the dramatic leaving of the doctors office via ambulance, but I have had that crappy mom feeling where I should have brought in my child earlier.... the best time was when I finally brought my daughter in after her kindergarten graduation ceremony (I mean- we couldn't miss that, right?) to find out that she had strep throat and walking pneumonia. ("Oh- she was wheezing? I honestly didn't know that....") After a chest x-ray and three breathing treatments and a trip to the pharmacy for 3 prescriptions I felt pretty much as awful as a mother can feel. Don't beat your self up. Caroline is home and well and that is all that really matters.

And I love that you can recant your statements about Eli Manning... I was actually thinking about your feelings for him during the game last night.

[akeeyu]

Well, clearly the best thing to do when one member of the family is sick is to drop a magical Cone of Silence (or Cone of Cooties, as the case may be) down over that person and pretend that the rest of the family doesn't exist at all. Fuck 'em if they need to eat or be cared for. Der.

Wait, that's completely impractical and absurd, you say? Dang. Whodathunk?

/sarcasm

[Safire]

Glad that you guys are home and that you're all healthy again.

Keep reading, the bird stump will be explained! LOVE all of her stuff...may have to go read it again!

[Beth]

Oh, I'm glad the suckage of that experience is behind you. It must be delightful to come home to snarky comments from people who presume to know God's plan. Sheesh.

[wookie]

I am so happy Caroline is home again. Sometimes, you dont' know how bad it is until you have a second set of eyes. The important thing is that she got medical care immediately afterwards. Because I am athsmatic, I am hypersensitive to wheezing, and I check the color of gums and nailbeds in my kids when they seem overly congested.

I'm also thrilled that you enjoyed "To Say Nothing of the Dog". That was indeed my suggestion and Connie Willis is one of my favourite authors. "Doomsday Book" is her other "time travelling historian" novel and just as awsome as "To Say Nothing of the Dog"

[Cris]

I'm so glad you guys are home and everything is getting back to 'normal' or the new normal, actually.

I didn't want to share my breathing story before, 'cause I didn't want you to think I was piling on, but now that I know it makes you feel better ;-)

Cam was in the hospital following his palate repair surgery. About 18 hours after surgery I kept getting annoyed by the big monitoring maching going off every minute or so when his oxygen saturation levels would drop briefly into the 80s and then bump back up again. You know, until they gave him his next dose of morphine, his ox sat levels tanked to 14 and he tried to code out on us. Fortunately they got him breathing again before intubating him, but damn, did I feel both helpless and an idiot. From then on out I kept an eagle eye on the ox sat and threw a fit if I started seeing strider breathing again.

And what is with the weird, random troll? What a completely odd thing to be rude about. There are some big ol' crazies in this world.

[margy]

I am so sorry someone said something that rude to you. She is the loser. I hope the babies feel better soon and that you get some sleep. Take care

[Justin]

So glad to hear that Caroline is better. I'm sure she was sick the day before, but probably not AS sick and you may have been doing the right thing. It's hard when they don't want to encourage you to bring in the baby if she cries, but of course want to see you if she's really sick. Thank goodness babies tend to be pretty hardy, and the more things they catch now the stronger their immune systems will be. :)

[Sarah]

So very glad you are home, and glad you had enough time to post. Of course bring Edward was the sensible thing to do. He had been exposed anyway, and it was much less worrying to be able to look at him to see how he was. Thanks for the update, and good luck with the aftermath, which you will doubtless handle very well.

[liz s]

I didn't post my idiot mother and idiot Father-in-law who is a dr. and mother-in-law who is a nurse story. But, we too made a grave error. What we thought was a bug bite was a severe staph infection. This was about 11.5 years ago when my son was around 9 months. He too had a well baby the next day, so we waited. I did actually call the answering service and the lady told me it wasn't an emergency (she got fired for practicing medicine without a license) My f-i-l did check his glands and there was no swelling. But by the next morning it was bad. So yes, idiot here too.

And for Steve, I too was rooting for the Packers even though they weren't there. I decided that I preferred the Giants to the dumb Patriots, so yes, that was a good game. I just wish I had money on it.

Glad you are home!

[Marsha]

I had to visit my husband in the hospital when my youngest was a little over a month old. I ended up bribing a neighbor I didn't know well to come with me and sit with her in the lobby and I'd zip up and down all day seeing to their various needs.

And...we both ended up getting sick anyway. Couldn't be helped, really, and we both avoided hospitalization so I'm on record as believing that having her in the lobby as opposed to her father's room was the key between sick and sick-sick-sick.

[lizneust]

Sticking my lurkey little hand up to say that I am so glad you are enjoying the book. You have two options on the bird stump - wait until it gets explained towards the end of the book (yes, she keeps you hanging that long). Or say to hell with it and enter the book's title into Wikipedia. There you will find a link that will take you to the definition (and a picture of) a bird stump. But you should *really* wait, because it is MUCH funnier in context. And I second the person who recommends Connie Willis' entire cannon - although save the Doomsday Book until you have time/energy for a serious cry.
Glad to hear all is well with Caroline!
Lizneust (returning to her lurking lair)

[Denise]

Wow, Sallyjo. What an arsehole.

Sorry for the alternative spelling...I just read The Calligrapher (which you recommended, or at least mentioned reading, a few months ago) and I'm all about the British spelling. What did you think of it, by the way? I am dying for someone to discuss it w/.

Speaking of which...I also loved To Say Nothing of the Dog. I will second Domesday Book. It is really amazing.

So glad Caroline is better.

[Jennifer]

I agree with you bringing Edward to the hospital. What else were you to do?

This past summer, I gave birth to my second daughter. The night after she was born, my first born (4) was admitted to the Children's Hospital with e.coli. Once the poop tested negative, the baby and I set up camp at the Childrens Hospital. They were so accomodating, provided an isolette, since I needed to keep the baby on a Bili-light whenever she wasn't nursing.

The worst part is that I used to be very uneasy and nervous about nursing in public. Now, I look back and wonder just how many conversations did I have with Drs and nurses, all while breastfeeding.

Glad to hear that things are improving!

[Jess]

May SallyJo be stung to death by a thousand bees.

[Jess]

May SallyJo be stung to death by a thousand bees.

[Steph]

Geeeeeeeeeeee - MEN! Lots of hootin' and hollerin' in our house last night.

And regarding your PS.. *EYES ROLL* Seriously, someone said that? It's hard not to laugh out loud.

[Amber]

Sallyjo - Not sure if you are aware but the best thing for a breastfed newborn baby is to continue being breastfed whether surrounded by "evil germs" or not. Seriously you must not be a mother because, sometimes making choices as a mother is not about the ideal - its about the realistic.
Julia - longtime lurker, inspired out of the shadows by the ignorance of others. RSV sucks, I missed it my daughter, too. The guilt was not fun at all, but all is well as it will be with you.

[Sonya]

Sallyjo doesn't have any data to support her theory - there are plenty of "losers" who easily conceive many children. Last time I checked that wasn't how "God" worked. Glad to hear you are home and doing better. I spent all weekend on the verge of taking my two-year-old to the ER for icky-sounding breathing (is that correct medical terminology?) We even had our coats on at one point, but she seemed a little better so I decided to wait. Today she's fine - but I was worried I'd take her in today and find out she had pneumonia - it's just hard to know sometimes.

[Monica]

So glad you're all back home!

[Sarah]

Hey Julia
I was one of those who left you a comment with my didn't-realise-til-she-was-really-poorly story, now you're all back home I'll tell you part two: After the 5-day hospitalisation we had over the next couple of months: three ear infections and a rash which (I swear!) didn't go away under a glass. Each time I drove her to A&E (our version of ER?) at top speed, panicking and demanding someone check her over immediately. Each time it was fine, prescribed antibiotics at worst, but each time the pencil-tapping, chin-stroking comments about my previous visits made me feel like I was on trial for munchausen by proxy. Can't win.
Fact is, when they're this young I don't think we 'just know' instantly when there's something really wrong. Wellness check or Drs appt is irrelevent: you got her checked out and got her the care she needed. You did good.

[silene]

So glad you are all home and well.

[pk]

Phew you are home. Something very similar happened to my friend's baby, they were transferred from doc to hospital to ANOTHER hospital, flashing lights, sirens the whole thing. When they finally got home a week later there were so many sticky monitoring things on the poor child they didn't know where to start getting them off. British medicine/NHS means they never did get a diagnosis, although Dr PK assisted by google suggests it is something very similar to what you have experienced.

Thought of you this morning at 6.30am when I heard of this football event, not quite sure what it all means but sounds exciting.

[e]

I can't believe anyone would have been crass enough to say that. I mean for god's sake, Edward had already been exposed to the germs, and breastfeeding should immunise him against a certain number of nasty pathogens that he might have been exposed to at home- what with Patrick being at school... Also, if he got sick, you would have been in the perfect place. Win win situation.

Is now a good time to confess I nearly strangled (by accident!) my not quite newborn with my hair?

No, I thought not...

[Lori]

Glad she is feeling better. My younger daughter had a very similar experience. It looked JUST like RSV but tested negative. The doctors told me it was almost definitely "Meta-pneumo virus" (MPV). Can't recall if there is a test for it or not but it mimics RSV exactly.

I also felt like a idiot when my mother had to tell me "Why is she coughing so much? She looks sort of...blue" and I had to reluctantly agree. I had come to view that as normal since she'd been sick for a few days. I had a 2 yr old too who was often sniffly/coughy so I guess I forgot that it's not the same for a tiny babe. She was hospitalized for about 5 days and is now none the worse for the wear, 2 years later.

[leslie]

Glad Caroline is better and that you're all home. I can only echo everyone else's comments to the sanctimonious idiot who thought you should leave a breast fed baby at home who had assuredly been exposed to the bug. sheesh. I think there are times it's very hard to know just how sick a kid is - I've commented previously about our RSV adventures.

I love Connie Willis too - "Bellwether" is my absolute favorite of the bunch but there's nothing wrong with "To Say Nothing of the Dog" - she's such a funny writer.

[Carol]

Here's what I've always been puzzled about: Most mothers of newborns don't have any kind of medical training, and yet they just hand us our newborns and say goodbye without even knowing if we've read any books or gone to any classes about baby care. Like I'm supposed to know about chest retraction? I'm a software trainer! It just somehow seems scary that this happens, and that we're supposed to look for all these signs that may or may not know about.

So my way of compensating is that I'll call at the drop of a hat. Fever of 102? I call doctor right away. Cough lasting for more than 2 nights? I call. Bumped head? I call. I know I have a reputation at my pediatrician's office as Helicopter Mom, but the alternatives are to trust my poorly educated instinct, find like 100 hours in my schedule somewhere to read all the medical literature I can put my hands on, or to go to med school.

[merseydotes]

Oh, I'm so glad Caroline is better.

And I, too, am taking back what I said about Eli Manning being a whiny baby. He carried himself like a mature professional - a champion - and deserved that win last night. And it is always fun to see the underdogs pull off an exciting upset, isn't it?

[nate]

Clearly SallyJo missed you terribly, and like a toddler has resorted to acting out to get your attention. Or something. Good lord.

So glad everyone is doing well. And just think--soon Caroline and/or Edward will be "helping" you in the kitchen by insisting on grating her/his own cheese, and you'll be looking for something in the pantry and hear her say "Mama! Blood!" And you'll turn around to find blood all over the aged Dubliner cheese, and your child gazing w/ interest at a newly shredded finger. And it'll take an hour plus numerous cotton balls, kleenexes, and bandages before the bleeding (from what looks like a small cut) stops.

Not that I have any recent experience with such a scenario.

[Jen]

Glad to hear everyone is home and healthy.

And if you liked To Say Nothing of the Dog, then you have to read Bellwether next! (Also by Connie Willis. They're two of my all-time favorite books.)