Hospitalized No More

I think what I felt so guilty about was not the fact that Caroline was sick, but that she was SO sick and I did not realize it and I felt like I should have. In the span of about three hours I answered questions about her condition from: the pediatrician's assistant, his nurse, the pediatrician, one of his partners, the paramedic, the ER nurse, the ER respiratory doctor, ditto that nurse, the ER admitting physician, the floor nurse, a third year med student, the resident and the attending physician. When I confessed for the tenth time that yes, she was wheezing; yes, she was lethargic; yes I suppose her suddenly copious spitting up could indeed be called "vomiting"; yes I DO see the way her ribcage is retracting now that you point it out... I felt like a two inch moron. I would, I swear it, I WOULD have brought her in to the doctor that day if we did not have her one month already scheduled, but it was hard to ignore the fact that I clearly should have brought her in the day before.

So I felt terrible about it until I read your comments sharing similar stories. Why I should find comfort in the fact that we are all neglectful bastards I do not know, but I truly did. So thank you. I was particularly relieved to see that I am not the first person to leave the doctor's office in an ambulance. That dramatic element had really been bothering me.

Hey speaking of thanks, I no longer remember who urged me to read "To Say Nothing of the Dog" but a big WOW! to you. I have had this book in my purse since before I had the babies and I finally started it in the emergency room. Love it, completely charming. Thank you. PS What in the bloody hell is a bird stump?

Edward is squawking again. Poor thing, he feels really lousy. I should go, REDBOOK post up if you want to read it.

Oh, and this is my public apology to Eli Manning for all the mean things I have ever said or thought about him since he refused to go to the Chargers: well played, young Manning, well played.

I think somehow the entire Giants Defense should have been MVP instead (maybe just Strahan?) but when Eli needed to get a touchdown he managed to do it; and even as Steve and I were predicting an interception on that last drive we were cheering him on. What a great Superbowl that was - hard not to love an upset. Steve kept listlessly saying "Go Packers" during the first three quarters - rather pathetic, actually.

Back later.   

PS Awww, I love it when you guys try to cheer me up with the gift of laughter. Just to clarify, though, in response to this "you're an idiot..bring your other child and exposing him to germs...no wonder God made it so difficult for you to have a baby, he realized what a loser you are": my unsupported theory has always been that Steve's translocation was caused by Marrakesh. But I suppose the God's Loser Punishment proponents might have their point, too.

Honestly, bringing Edward to the hospital was not ideal. But when you have two primarily breastfed newborns and one is hospitalized, what is ideal?    

Comments

[Amy]

I brought a kid to the doc with a busted eardrum. In my defense, it was Christmas time, I didnt think it was an emergency. Too bad Sallyjo wasnt around to magically know everything before all this started huh?

[Amy]

SO glad you're back home all. Yeah!

And sallyjo? You don't know your arse from your elbow, dear. You don't rate fly specks. Go get some manners, some brain cells or better yet...just go away. Twit.

[daysgoby]

Hmm, perhaps Julia and Caroline could have been IN the bubble, and Edward could have been left outside in the hall on a cot? I'm sure one of those isolation portholes could have been rigged to allow Julia to fit her boob through.

Yeah.

I'm SO glad everyone is okay! And home! Hurrah!

[Janis]

When my twins were 3.5 months old they both got RSV. Only one baby was hospitalized. I stayed there with both babies because it was the only way to take care of them. Very difficult to nurse them both if you only have one with you.

You did nothing wrong.

[ellery]

Well, when one of my infant sons was in the NICU with jaundice, I had my other one with me as well, regardless of the germy hospital environment. I was also breastfeeding and didn't see much other choice -- and I didn't even have an older child at home to manage.

I'm so glad you're all doing well. I think it's very difficult to distinguish between normal baby wheezing, vomit, etc. and sick-baby wheezing, vomit, etc. I expect that's why well-baby visits exist. :)

[Laura]

SO glad Sweet Caroline is mostly better!

I guess I'm a neglectful bastard AND idiot.. When one of my twins was 6 months old and started acting sick we moseyed into the ER and were promptly admitted for the next week. I kept both twins with me because, well, they DID need to eat.. and besides, any germ sharing had already happened anyway!

[Laura]

I didn't have a chance to read all the comments but hopefully someone else has already said this:

Babies with RSV-like illnesses can go downhill quickly. I had a patient that was stable for 24 hours and about to be released when she suddenly dropped her O2 sat. We life-flighted her to a larger hospital. It is entirely possible that even had you brought Caroline in 24 hours earlier, you would have been sent home with a "it's a virus" shrug.

Second - there is no more risk in bringing Edward to the hospital than there was in Caroline being there. It's more important that breastfeeding isn't interrupted both for his sake (protective antibodies and all that) and yours. You did the right thing!

[terri c]

SO glad you are home, and hoping the babies are feeling fine quickly!

[Aurelia]

I just sprayed juice all over my keyboard after reading Daysgoby comment about the porthole boob. I am peeing myself, I swear.

Don't ever worry about missing stuff, hell, I had no idea testicles being swelled up and red was a problem until my little guy came down with testicular torsion on Christmas night. After 48 hours in an ER, I know everything on earth about it, now, too late to need it.

Not one Doctor had ever warned me or told me what to look for, not one parenting book had ever mentioned it, EVER. We're not psychic, we need help from medical personnel to keep our kids alive and healthy. And frankly they really aren't very helpful. So we turn to instincts and Dr.Google, and blogs, and other moms.

[Rachel Bohall]

In response to person who had to be mean....

They are twins, they sleep together, they did it before she went to the hospital, he didn't have the infection. It probably isn't a problem but if it was, they were IN A HOSPITAL so it was probably the ideal situation in which to have this not-quite-ideal thing happen

And to Julia:

I'm glad it turned out well, and don't feel weird about the pediatrician/ambulance thing, it won't be the first time or the last that you question yourself and your parenting skills because of an unexpected situation. Keep your head up!

[Clover]

Sallyjo, what the hell is wrong with you?

Ahem... Julia, so glad you are all home and all is well. My younger son came down with RSV last week too- it freaked me out and he's six months old. I can't imagine how awful it must have been to have a one-month old so sick.

It makes me never want to leave the house again and secure the house in shrink-wrap.

[lynn]

4 days after coming home with my son I was admitted back to the hospital for a uterine infection - they wanted me on IV antibiotics and I was there for two nights. Of course my son came with me... it was so odd to be back on the same floor I'd just been on when he was born, but now he wasn't a patient anymore, didn't have the wrist tag or anything, but they brought me a bassinet and helped me with him just as they had before. Honestly, it didn't occur to me that there was any other way - of course my baby would stay with me.

[Kaethe]

Heh, I thought it was my recommendation. Fair warning: "Doomsday Book" is not the frothy confection that "Dog" is, there is grief. Be sure and check out all her short fiction. She's the only novelist I can think of who writes screwball comedy.

My youngest has broken the same elbow thrice in less than two years. The first time we didn't take her to the doc for two days. By the third time we were a little better at recognizing the symptoms. As a mother you're always damned. I've been made to feel like an idiot for rushing to the ER for nothing, just as I've been made to feel like an idiot for not rushing.

Thrive now, y'all.

[Melani]

So glad to see that everyone is on the road to recovery. For what it's worth, had I been in your situation I would have done the exact same thing.

Oh, and I can't tell you how many times I brought my kids in to the dr. and they look at me like I'm crazy because the kid just has a little virus. Then, with the exact same symptoms they act like they can't believe it took me so long to bring them in. I guess we're all supposed to have a medical degree before having children. ;)

[shannon]

I used to work at a pediatrician's office that was two blocks from a hospital. The Drs called ambulances all the time, even though the parents could have walked the baby to the hospital faster. Calling the ambulance is a liability issue, and I always thought it was silly and hyper dramatic.

[Shelley]

Glad everyone's home and in their own beds. What a scare.

[Julianna]

I have been thinking about all of you so much and so very glad to read this update.

You are a wonderful mother and somehow you always retain your amazing wit.

Much love to you and your lovely family,

[winecat]

SO glad you, Caroline and Edward are safe and well.

Um, Sally Jo what part of being in isolated room with only masked and gowned people allowed did you misunderstand?

[Northwoods Baby]

Dude, ignore the troll; everyone knows there aren't germs outside of hospitals. Shuh!

[diane]

I would wish karma on that idiot sallyjo, but that wouldn't be fair to her kids. And don't her kids have to suffer enough, having sallyjo as a mom?
Glad things are going better. Don't beat yourself up. You've got too much going on right now. She's fine now so put it all behind you.

[llcsis]

OMG - You have to wonder wtf someone like that is even reading this blog for - I'm just incoherent with disbelief. 1) I don't think it was a mistake to bring Edward at all, I'd have done the same thing in that situation and 2) regarding mistakes that parents make, clearly this person was not a parent - nothing makes you as aware of how clueless you really are until you have babies. Just, just... aaaaaarrrrgh!
AND I'm heading to the library tomorrow for the "To Say Nothing of the Dog" - just the title cracks me up. Did you ever read any of the Diana Gabaldon books? You quoted something the other day she has in one of her books that made me wonder.
I too was thinking about you during the superbowl, knowing you were watching and looking forward to your commentary.

[Beth A.]

I'm so glad that Caroline is doing better and everyone is safely home!

I should warn you that as delightful as Connie Willis can be, she can also be hideously depressing. Given what you've just been through, you might want to hold off reading Doomsday Book (or Passage) if you think reading about extremely sick children would be too hard to read right now.

I highly recommend Bellwether. It's frothy and very funny. The books she wrote with Cynthia Felice are light and funny as well.

[Emily]

Your eloquence is a delight to read, m'dear.

At barely a month post-singleton birth, I could barely waddle to the kitchen for my own glass of water.

Screw the crabby piss-ant above. You did good, kid.

[Kate]

Sallyjo is obviously looking for a response. Concentrate on all the positive comments you get and ignore her. You are doing the best you can. Babies need their mums with them - that is the most important thing of all. I'd do the same too.

[Lucy]

I'm glad you got some comfort from the ambulance-from-doctor's-surgery stories, I was horribly worried mine would seem.... trite? Offensive, anyway (see:Ladybug onesie debacle!).

Very glad Caroline is home too!

[Kim]

OMG - Okay, I just have to comment that someone had the AUDACITY to actually suggest that you are a moron for bringing Edward and that God made it difficult for you to conceive? And you're a loser??? That person is a flippin' idiot. I actually sat here with my mouth hanging open as I read the end of your post.

As you might have read in the 1,000 or so posts that you had, I was happy that you brought Edward to the hospital, as it has been documented that the twin bond is exceedingly strong. All of your children are blessed to have you and Steve as parents. And you are a fabulous mom. I only wish I knew you in real life too =)

Take care,
Kim

p.s. I'm also very glad that you all are home and Caroline is doing better =) Hugs to the babies and Patrick too!!!!!!

[marian]

You are a class act, Julia. That last bit was beautifully and artfully done.

[Chickenpig]

Jeezum Crow, someone actually said that to you? I'm glad you have a sense of humor. Really, when you have twins that are pretty much attached to you, you have no choice. (in my getting-tired-of-constant-babies-on-the-breast-days I would actually call them 'tit ticks'). Also, as I have learned, (and many other moms of multiples, I'm sure), if one has it, the other does too, or is at least incubating it, so you might as well bring them both. Hospitals are germy places, but your home is full of whatever made Caroline sick right now anyway, so Edward might as well be where there are docs and meds at the ready.

When you find out what a bird stump is, could you let us know?

[Amy]

I am glad Caroline is ok. No offense, but I think you are going to look back and realize that bringing Edward to the hospital was a silly thing to do. You could have pumped, given him formula, anything is better than bringing him to a hotbed of germs and disease. Sorry. But we all make dumb decisions in the heat of panic, and that does not make you a loser.

[Jane]

I had a friend who's father was an orthopedic surgeon, she broke her arm, and he kept saying "nah, it isn't broken, suck it up", it turned out she went three days without getting it seen about -- now THAT is a little neglectful.(He didn't mean to, he was just desensitized, because he saw it all the time, he felt TERRIBLE about it) I'm a new Mom, and sometimes I completely overreact to things, and others I gloss over until my husband overreacts :) As someone told us once, it is ALL trial and error. You did the right thing, she got to the doctor, and really you had no choice about Edward. He was going to be exposed anyway, and why create stress on such a little guy, when he needed his immune system to be as good as possible? You did the right thing.

I can't believe that someone is so unhappy with their lives that they have to lash out like that (albeit in an anonymous comment). May karma come your way.

[sallyjo]

Why are they sick at all if they've been breastfed? Dumbasses you all are!! It's not fullproof you dumb ass loser bitches!! I wish you would all go die somewhere.

[Stacy]

glad everyone's ok! I don't have kids, but could imagine how hard it is to figure out a baby is sick. I mean, sleeping a lot? copious amounts of spit-up? that sounds like typical infant behavior to me!

[Stacy]

glad everyone's ok! I don't have kids, but could imagine how hard it is to figure out a baby is sick. I mean, sleeping a lot? copious amounts of spit-up? that sounds like typical infant behavior to me!

[Katherine]

Glad you're all home again and on the mend. I had an ambulance exit from the doctor's with my then 2 yo - such an unpleasant feeling - and we KNEW she was an asthmatic and still waited. Breathing difficulties are tough. I really want a pulse-oximeter for valentine's day!

Oh, sallyjo - you are one sad and spiteful lady - it's ok that you couldn't breastfeed - not everyone can.

[Susan]

to the idiot who chastized you for taking Edward with you - SHAME ON YOU. How dare you judge Julia! She is a fantastic mom, and you should be eternally ashamed of yourself for saying such a thing.

I am so happy that Edward and Caroline are on the mend. Enjoy all the snuggle time. I would give anything to have that again.

[Shandra]

To the nasty comment - huh?? I thought it was beautiful you brought him in actually. It seemed like a very rational evaluation of risk vs. benefit.

[Shelley]

Sallyjo, you're right, breastfeeding isn't foolproof, and no one thinks the situation was ideal -- but it was the best anyone could do under the circumstances. I'm really puzzled as to why you felt the need to be so uncivil in your original comment especially. Believe it or not, it is possible to disagree and do so in a respectful way. Try it sometime -- you might be surprised at the respect you receive in return.

[Corinne]

So glad you're home! Sorry about the sick bebes, but so glad it wasn't more serious. Ava had a hospital stint last year and I too was a little shocked at how alone she would have been had I not been there.
Oh, and sallyjo: You can suck it. Go away and don't come back.

[drsuz]

It is often very difficult to see how sick your child is getting! It happens slowly over a few days- first, boy, isn't he sleeping a lot today! Then- stuffy nose, not nursing as well, fussy baby. Finally-for us at least- turning blue and going limp on day three. At that point I noticed the flaring nostrils and rib retractions (well- once we both started breathing again.)

Don't blame yourself if you didn't realize at first! It took me a while to realize how ill my newborn was when he had RSV and - BRACE YOURSELF- I am a DOCTOR! In an ER! I deal with this every day all winter long! It just creeps up on you when you watch the illness unfolding instead of getting a snapshot of how the baby looks at his/her worst.

I am so glad to hear that all is well- the after effects lasted for about a month for mine.

[PBfish]

Who are these people who become trolls? I always thought the rule was to bite your tongue if you thought badly of someone. You know, that whole "if you don't have anything nice to say" thing?
Ah the internet, such a lovely place of civility.

I'm glad Caroline is home again. And yeah, I think breastfeeding and bonding is very important for Edward and I bet the DOCTOR, you know the one with the medical degree, would have told you not to bring him to the hospital if it was going to be a problem.

[Anon, just this once]

SJ, it's obvious you're just looking for a fight, so I shouldn't even dignify your rudeness with a reply, but wow....

If you really want to debate with a bunch of strangers, maybe you should read up on the subject matter. You clearly know nothing about parenting or breastfeeding. And you're flying off the handle about stuff no one ever said.

And by the way, did you miss common-courtesy day in kindergarten? What's up with barging into a community and insulting people for no apparent reason? Even if you disagree with what other people are saying, that doesn't make them "dumbass bitches." Sure makes you look like one though.

[Kristen]

More times than I care to admit, I have taken #2 in because he's feeling lousy only to find out that #1 has lousiness much worse. Strep, Hand, Foot, & Mouth, Ear Infections, you name it #1 will not complain about it. We've yet to end up in the hospital, but not for lack of trying.

Good to hear the babies are home & on mend.

[Jan]

Let's not make any more comments about sj (oh, whoops, except that I am), who is clearly missing a few planks. That's exactly what she/he/it wants. Can we send to Coventry AND back in time?

[cooler*doula]

So glad you're all home and well

It's so hard sometimes to know, and sometimes waiting for an appointment in a day or two seems like a better idea than sitting in a sick baby waiting room at the ped for an hour or more waiting to be seen at short notice. God knows we've brought back some vile bug after a well baby check up.

And you've done all of us a GREAT service by describing rather well what to look out for in our own small people in terms of serious symptoms.

Thank you!

[rypa]

Glad you're all home and working on health. Just to help assuage your mommy guilt, I've left the ped's office in an ambulance not once but twice with my son. Good times.

[Peggy]

Happy to hear eveyone is home and getting better !!

My twins had strep throat that turned to scarlet fever because they never told me their throats hurt that bad. And when one had heart surgery at 9 months, I did have his brother at the germ filled hospital for 3 days.

[Alex]

Gosh. I really cannot add anything to what Julianna said, above, but still, it bears repeating: Julia, you are one class act. What a gracious and funny hostess you are, welcoming all of us here on your blog. And, yes, very good news that you and the babies are home safe and healthy. Anyone who knows the trials (understatement) you endured to grow your family ought to know you are neither faint-of-heart nor short on stamina or grace under pressure.

[Hetty_Fauxvert]

Oh my goodness, bless all your hearts! I'm so glad Caroline is better. That is one of my mommy nightmares -- that one or both of our twins would be much sicker than I realized and I would be lallygagging around about it. (I'm an amazing worrywart so I actually tend to be on the other end of the spectrum, going in when it really is not necessary.)

I chimed in on "To Say Nothing of the Dog," I believe, and I'm so glad you are enjoying it! Connie Willis is a phenomenal author (and a very nice lady -- I had the pleasure of meeting her a few times back in the days when I went to SF conventions). But beware: her books veer wildly between hysterically jeevesian comedy and stories that will have you crying your eyes out. "The Doomsday Book" is a terrific time travel novel but NOT cheerful. Don't read it when you are depressed. "Passages" is also a great read but decidedly not cheerful.

[Alison]

What a relief to see you all home!

Message to Caroline - You are never to scare mom and dad like that again young madam!

Patrick and Edward - on't even think of copying your sister!

Seriously, love to you all.

(Oh andd I am so excited to see so many recommendations for Connie Wilis books. I am going online to order some now. I LOVE Doomsday Book but as previous poster say; it will make you cry)

[dara]

so glad everyone is on the mend....