Muchness

After an absolutely great night (I love it when Caroline and Edward just wake up to eat and then fall promptly asleep again) I was all ready to go on an excursion today. The library maybe or even the Y. I had somehow forgotten that we belong to the Y until someone here suggested using the indoor track at a university and I thought, hey! indoor track! I wonder if we're still... and we are. Very good suggestion.

Which brings me to the subject of unsolicited advice and the apologies that almost always accompany it. Please don't. I mean, please don't apologize if you think of something and want to put it up here. Although I get the concept of assvice, I don't really. It seems to me that if I mention Edward's weak latch and you think oh! the nipple shield helped me with that and leave this fact in the comment section there are only a few possibilities: I have never heard of a nipple shield and I try it; I have heard of it and do not want to try it for some reason; or I have already tried it and it did not work for me. In any case it was a nice thought and if it is not relevant to me, personally,it probably can help someone else here (I did by the way try a nipple shield with Edward as a result of a comment [plus the lactation consultant had said it might be a good option] and it did help - so many thanks. Colicmommy, for another example, left two thoughtful and much appreciated comments recently in which she talked about general baby behavior around six weeks and what helps them to fall sleep or be soothed. In theory I have done this all before but in reality I never figured out how to get Patrick to sleep so I have no idea what the hell I am doing this time around either. When she mentioned that babies around this age can no longer just fall asleep without a little help it was like someone turned on the lights for me. I moved naps out of the living room and into the bedroom and as a result things are much calmer here during the day. Granted some days are spent going back and forth into one room or another to rock somebody, but it is better. So thank you and any time you want to make a suggestion about something feel free.

Where was I? Oh right, not going to the Y today because it is -4 degrees outside. You know what sucks? The only thing I did any research on whatsoever before having Caroline and Edward was infant car seats. Since Patrick is still in his big ol' side-impact-safe-booster-seat we needed to find baby seats that were slim enough to fit in the back seat with it. Two bog standard Graco's, for example, were too wide. So I looked online and discovered that the Chicco Keyfit 30 was narrower than other seats and bought two and they all do squeeze in back there, barely (we have a mid-size SUV, by the way, if you are trying to proactively deal with something similar). What I completely failed to consider, however, is that hauling two car seats around is painful. On my first and last trip to Target (just before the pediatrician appointment from hell, actually) I learned that you cannot fit two car seats into one shopping basket. Further, I learned that the Keyfit does not snap into the elevated part of a shopping basket at all. So I put heavy Edward's seat in the basket, the stuff I wanted to buy under the basket, and I carried Caroline around. I have not chosen to repeat this experiment because it hurt. My shoulder ached and I got bruises on the back of my leg where I kept hitting the seat against myself as I walked. The alternative to this is to take the babies out of the seats and put them into the stroller in the parking lot, but when it is this cold out that is simply insane if it is not absolutely necessary. I brooded on this dilemma for a while and finally remembered the snap n' go stroller base thing into which you can snap infant seats. It arrived yesterday and I was quite pleased until we discovered that the Keyfit does not work with it. So that was that and I continue to be stuck here. Unless you can think of something.

Edward is definitely seeing more. I dug the box of Patrick's baby stuff out of the basement and decided to try his old mobile on Edward's crib (nobody ever actually sleeps in the cribs but I like to keep sticking them in there for variety). Patrick never cared for it but Edward was entranced. He lay there with his head going back and forth as the mobile went around, watching for a very long time while the dangling things spun. He also seems to like the baby mirror I pulled out, so clearly he has some vision. Oh, and two days ago he looked directly at Caroline and smiled at her. This would have been an awwwww hand on your heart moment but for the fact that Caroline was screaming her head off at the time. Edward's first actual smile and it was malicious. At least we have identified which one is the sinister twin.

The thing with the cysts (for what it is worth but if my eye doctor sources are correct it is unlikely that any of you will deal with anything similar - iris cysts are rare, I hear) is this: they will not ever go away but they should also not get any bigger. The eyes, however, do get bigger so as the eye grows the impact of the cysts diminishes. Right now the cysts in Edward's eyes are blocking light to the retina but as he grows more and more light gets through. Our follow-up appointment in a month is to see (ahem) if he is getting enough light through on his own or if we will need to dilate his pupils with daily drops to widen them artificially. The absolute worst case scenario is that they would have to aspirate them at some point, which really is not that bad. So, I am not worried about it. And... how to say... you just have to deal with what you get. If Edward has vision problems then Edward will learn how to live with that. You have a baby and you want everything about them and for them and around them to be perfect perfect perfect but that isn't reality. He'll be fine, regardless.

Patrick starts FULL DAY KINDERGARTEN tomorrow (clang clang clang, as the steeple bells ring and the villagers cheer) so I am going to go appreciate his afternooness while I still can.

Baby pictures:

Caroline is amused

Edward is sleepy

Hope you are well.

   

Comments

[Karly]

Not sure if someone mentioned this already and I'm sure you already thought of it as well and have your reasons against it but JUST IN CASE and because YOU SAID TO I thought I would mention maybe moving Patrick into a different car seat? Obviously I don't know how big he is/how much he weighs, but if he is starting kindergarten I would guess that he would be big enough for one of the booster seats? My 3 year old daughter (she's kinda chunky, though) is switching to one of the boosters with the high back that can be removed when they get a bit bigger. On most of them the child should weigh at least 30 pounds. I can't recall height requirements, but it may be something to look into and then you could buy a wider seat for one of the babies that would snap into the car and keep one of the skinny ones to go in the basket? I dunno. Just a though. BECAUSE YOU SAID TO.

[JuliaKB]

Awwwwww! The cuteness!
Nice to hear that Edward is seeing things. In a good way, of course.

[Nikki]

Your children are beautiful. Congratulations!

You live and learn. With #1, I jumped up at every noise and sound he made all night. He's now 3, and finally sleeping through most of the night. He still usually wakes up at 4:00. In the A.M. To ask me to rock him. With #2, my husband turned off the monitor at 8 weeks, so baby really had to yell to get my attention, and she's been reliably sleeping through the night since 4 months old (she's now 22 months). I know it's hard, but give yourself a break, put them to bed, and go have a good cuddle with Steve. They'll cope without you for a little while.

[jackie]

Yup I had 3 kids in 3 years in a very cold climate and I would also put 1 in the cart and one in the sling. As they got older my front/back double stroller was a life saver.

[Julie C.]

Those are ridiculously cute babies.

On shopping: put one baby in the Bjorn or sling or front carrier of your choice, and leave the other one in the carseat.

Also, if you're only picking up a few things, take both babies in the stroller. If you have stroller hooks (greatest invention ever) you can hang one of those little baskets from the stroller hooks and skip the cart entirely. We have bad, pretty much daily grocery shopping habits, and I do this all the time with the stroller.

[Christy]

Look at those amazing little miracles! They're bringing joy to thousands of strangers all around the world just by being there. Julia, thanks for sharing these updates!

I think the previous poster's idea of wearing one in a sling and putting one carseat in the cart is a good idea.

[Alex]

They are such beautiful babies. You are truly blessed.

[Kim]

Okay - I'm like the 50th person with the great idea of a baby sling. For our first baby, I had one of the Snugli carriers. Honestly, it was almost impossible to get it on me properly, what with all of the buckles, latches, etc., then our daughter in it, and she never seemed terribly comfortable. To get her out of it again was insane...

I happened to see a woman with an incredible sling when we were contemplating pregnancy #2 and this sling was the BEST THING I EVER BOUGHT! Go to kangarookorner.com. I had the fleece sling - truly, it's good for about 9 months out of the year, but even works well for cool summer nights. When the baby was little (I used it for our next two kids), I would fold a receiving blanket to kind of prop their heads up in the sling. I would also take a diaper pin and pin back the top part of the sling because I was always afraid of suffocating the baby! (paranoid mom....) But this sling was great for those cool spring afternoon walks - the baby would just be so cuddly inside and just fall right asleep, great for being in the mall (people can't just reach in and feel free to touch your baby, like they do when the baby is in a carseat/stroller), etc. I actually used it for our son when he was only a few days old - and at the time, my daughter was 2, so it just let me have my hands free to do things with her while the baby was happy and content.

And the other cool thing is that you can continue to "wear" your baby well into toddlerhood. I would still be using ours for our last guy (who just turned two), but I gave my sling to my niece when she had a new baby this past summer. She too cannot rave enough about it.

I feel your pain on not getting out - we live in Madison, where about a week or so ago we broke every official record since they've been kept for the snowiest winter on record. I detest winter....

And on a happy note, the twins are beyond gorgeous!!!! Thanks so much for the pictures. Now you need to post one of Patrick with them - I bet he is growing up to be such a big kid!!!! And congrats on the all-day kindergarten too =)

[electric boogaloo]

Can one of the seats attach to the front part? You know, up on the little front oh shit, what's it called... open and close purse holding basket thingy where a kid sits later on? I seem to remember handy spacing of the hooks under the carseat that allowed baby carseat to sort of click in place.

Other option: Babies in double stroller. Groceries in large plastic grocery sacks like the ones from whole foods or IKEA which hold horrifying amounts of stuff. Hang giant plastic tote bag on the handles of your stroller. Patrick at school. There! You carry nothing.

Third option: Target sucks. Stay home and buy stuff from etsy instead.

Thank you for posting pictures. They are beautiful.

[Sadie]

Try bringing the Baby Bjorn along... strap one of the kiddos(so light so far it shouldn't be too much burden) against your chest and keep the other in the carseat-- put it in the main shopping cart basket, stowing stuff in the available space around it, and you're good to go, Mama!

[Sadie]

Oh, and I used to live in WI-- I just wore the baby in a Moby wrap when we got out of the car, which I believe you can use quite handily with twins, and which you could wear on you in the car--i.e. leave the house with it already tied on under your coat)--- and then I'd take E. out of the car seat and slip her into the wrap right next to my body and zip my(large-ish)coat around us both.

[StephanieO]

I don't know if it's the camera angle or what you've been feeding her, but Caroline looks absolutely huge in that photo! They are both, of course, adorable. Thanks for the pictures.

[kimberly/tippytoes]

Oh man, they are getting so big! Time flies when it is someone else's sleepless nights.

[jen]

Look how big they are! Caroline's face has really filled out!

I second the sling for one baby and carseat for the other baby suggestion-- and I'd put Edward in the sling because he is heavier.

Another advantage is that if one baby cries and the other does not, put the crying baby in the sling and the other into the carseat. Ha, like that will ever happen, that one will cry and the other won't...in Target... But if it did!

[Sandy]

Holy Crap. Those are some terribly cute kids.

[Vanessa]

Awww, adorable babies!

And it cracks me up to hear that Edward has been identified as the sinister twin.

[alice]

Hi, I'm about to have twins, and when I researched I settled in on the Kolcraft Contours stroller. It's a tandem, front back stroller, and has a car seat adapter that supports the Chico KeyFit (I'm using the graco safeseats). It's a reasonable price and I like that you can turn it in a circle with one hand, though it is rather heavy, which seems like the big complaint. Can be found on Amazon and Target online.

[Rochel]

Have you looked into the Kolcraft Universal Carrier? I use it instead of a snap n go and I really like it.

[Karen]

We LOVED our KKAFP up here in Maine for my little one. I did everything with that sling on and it was so easy to use as a first time sling user! What gorgeous babies!

[MIJK]

Do you know the medela nippleshields? They have a triangle cut out of them so if you position babies nose there he can smell your sking while nursing. It made all the differece to me when trying to quit the shields.. (handy as they might be they need to be washed and taken with me.. (hard things really)

[Alli]

Caroline has such perfect eyebrows! She looks like she went to the salon!

[tree town gal]

Gorgeous photos of gorgeous kids. Nothing to add regarding negotiating two. Can't imagine handling two babes in the tropics much less in subzero windchills. Hope Charlie has a blast at all day kindergarten. Love your comment / philosophy about Edward's vision; very zen and insightful. You are already poised to help E cope with whatever happens. Such a superhero momma of three.

[Linda]

C&E are absolutely beautiful, but you knew that already, right?!

Speaking of assvice... :) Have you tried a snugli or sling? I never could figure out the slings, but the snugli was great with my third daughter. (Ya, it took three infanthoods before I figured out the value of the snugli.) If one of the babies rides in the snugli, the other can be carried in the carrier, and you’ll actually have some free hands then. It might not help the freezing temperature problem, but it will at least keep you from feeling like you are on house arrest.

[Carrie (in MN)]

Other folks already covered my suggestion - sling for one. This dilemma you're having is the exact reason there is a mini-van parked in my garage, even though my husband felt like he was...ahem... losing a piece of his anatomy which he holds dear. The only good news is that they are saying this is hopefully the last Arctic cold snap we're likely to have this winter - 30's by the weekend!

Love love love the pictures - your babies are big and beautiful.

[Reese]

So sweet! Sounds like you are all finding your groove.

[ali]

Wow, they're cute! Caroline and Edward have graduated from the newborn/alien look (that all babies have) and are gorgeous, plump babies! Good job with the milk, Julia!
Also, with the nickname 'Dreadward' he was fated to be the sinister one. I expect he'll be making B horror films by middle school :)!

[Cole]

Oh my goodness, they are so cute!

[Terrill]

I live in Wisconsin (currently -8) with my three-month-old and two-year-old, so I understand (partially) your winter dilemna (no one without twins can ever fully understand, I imagine.)

Favorite winter place: the botanical gardens. Warm, humid, the baby seems captivated by the green leaves.

Favorite baby carrier: Kangaroo Korner Adjustable Fleece Pouch. It's great for winter babies because it's warm and fleecy, and they just look so damn cute with their heads poking out of the pouch!

[kate]

I'm not sure if anyone was specific above, but, a sling for one of the babies would solve some of the problem. The advantage to a sling is that you can set the baby and sling into the carseat so you don't have to fuss with getting baby in or out of the sling every time. Then you 'wear' one baby and the other sits in the cart and gets semi covered in groceries. For the far future, Costo carts fit two kids in the seat area (but they both need to sit up).

[Christiana]

Look how much they've grown! They are precious, as always.
I second the sling idea for carting them around in a store - you'd still have one carseat, but it would likely save your arm/shoulder/leg from the beating of the other.

[nate]

BABIES!
Okay, had to get that out of my system. Also, I had to close my office door b/c I was laughing so hard about the sinister twin. Maybe you should start calling him Siggy?

Echoing comments above about a sling or other front carrier, for at least one of the babes.

[Nic]

What beautiful babies. I love my nipple shield, too, btw. Used it for 8 months with baby #1 and am on month 10 with baby #2. No nursing nazi will ever rip it from my hands. Spring will come, and we will all be remarking about what lovely flowers we have in the Midwest, forgetting all about this dreadful winter. I live in Madison where we have had the most snow EVER (and that's saying something). We are up to 84 inches this year. Average is 37 inches. ACK. At least the babies bring you daily sunshine - just not the kind that melts snow!

[Shawna]

I'd always heard that eyes didn't grow and that's why babies' eyes look so big. Is this just an urban legend? I'm going to look this up...

Hm, this seems like a reputable source: this article from Cornell (http://www.news.cornell.edu/releases/Aug04/eye_size.hrs.html) states "human eyes grow rapidly in the womb and for the first three months after birth" and "By three months, our eyes are as big as they'll ever be -- at least from outward appearances: The corneas have reached their full width, although inside the eyes, the neurobiologist notes, the front-to-back length will increase somewhat."

So I guess I can consider that one debunked.

[terri c]

Oh, the babies are simply gorgeous. I can see what you mean about how adorable Edward is; he doesn't look the least bit sinister while sleeping. Clever of him. And Caroline? Those eyebrows? Too much. Also you are an exquisite writer, but then I hope you know it already.

[Kelly]

The only bit of advice I have is regarding sleep. My second son seems to only sleep well if he is wrapped up tight in one of those swaddler blankets. A regular blanket will not do as he kicks it off very easily. Keep in mind, however, that I am no expert on getting children to sleep seeing that my first son did not sleep through the night until he was a year old, and even then it was sporadic. Gah! As for how to get out and about easily with the children, I've got nothing.

That being said, your babies are so gorgeous. What a lucky lady you are.

[colicmommy]

Oh my gosh, you actually read all the way down to my 2 comments about sleep before!?

I'm so glad they helped you. My third baby was born Dec. 22, 2007, so I'm right there with you, figuring everything out again.

I also forgot to say in my other two comments that the peak of fussiness/wakefulness, esp. in the evening, occurs at 6 weeks past the due date, not birth. So your twins' fuss will begin around 5 weeks old (2 weeks adjusted), peak about 9 weeks or so (6 weeks adjusted), then it will be vastly improved by 11 weeks (8 weeks adjusted), and gone by 15 weeks (12 weeks adjusted). This is according to Weissbluth. I can't say for sure, b/c my babies were all born very close to their due dates, but the "weeks" he gives for things were dead on for all my kids.

One other thing I had to re-read to remember:

-At 8 weeks past due date, bedtime begins to move earlier (from say, 9-12 pm to somewhere between 7-9 pm). So, when the evening fuss begins to improve, the bedtime also begins to move earlier. They start getting sleepy earlier and if you hold them up till the old time (say hold them up till midnight), it'll backfire and they'll sleep worse at night.

Sure enough, as if on cue, around week 7, my dd started to fuss less and get sleepy more in the evening around 9. She had been going to bed around 10-12 sometime. Now it was 9. A week later, she got tired even sooner, around 7. Now at 8 weeks old she goes down around 7, wakes once at 2-4 am to nurse, then back down till 8 a.m. She sleeps swaddled in a moses basket on my floor that has towels under it to keep the head elevated.

And, the reason that I felt the need to apologize? Here's the thing: my firstborn (now 4.5 yrs) was a baby that never drifted off to sleep on his own, NOT EVEN WHEN NURSING! He had "colic" I guess, because he was so overtired he screamed all day and night. He (and therefore I) never slept more than 2 hours in a row for several months, and even 2 hours was rare. I got so sleep-deprived that I nearly couldn't function.

Finally my husband said "You can't go on like this. We have to do something to make him sleep." So, I read books on baby sleep while walking in the library with him in the sling to keep him dozing, for hours each day, for days on end. I read them ALL. Ferber, Weissbluth, Baby Whisperer, Pantley, Mindell, Happiest Baby on the Block, yes even Evil Ezzo. Then the lights went on, and I FIGURED IT OUT. I got him to sleep. By himself. For more than 20 minutes at a time. And then I finally slept myself, felt better, and enjoyed my baby. I finally felt like we were bonding only 6 months after he was born. So sad. So much wasted time.

Thus, I feel like I have this information in my head, and I want to share it to spare people the hell I went through myself. I rarely do so, actually, because I don't want to come off as a butthole know-it-all.

But you started to have that teeny tiny bit frustrated tone in your Trickier post, the "I can't put the darn babies down" tone...the "I'm getting so tired..." tone, so I thought I'd try to share some of what I learned in case any of it was helpful!!

The babies are GORGEOUS!

[Jo]

They are beautiful! Your "We will deal with what is on our plate" attitude is inspiring. Really, truly!

[Jennifer]

Thanks for posting your difficulties with leaving the house...I'm really freaking out about how to do that when my twins arrive in a month or so. The good news is that the weather should be a bit nicer in western Colorado during the spring. We only bought convertible carseats because I knew that I could not carry even one successfully with my back problems, so the stroller is going to be my only ticket to freedom. I bought the skinniest one I could find that wasn't limo style.

Your children are beautiful!

[sheilah]

I just want to say that I am just so happy that after all this time (and I have been reading your blog for ages), you finally have your little babies.

Every time I think about it it just makes me feel all squishy inside.

I am so very very happy for you.

[victoria]

I've always known you cope gracefully, but when I read, "you just have to deal with what you get," I wondered, How does she do it? She's faced with the possibility of a vision-impaired child and she refuses to panic. Julia, have you always been like this? Was it something your parents taught you? Did you do est or something? (that last question was only *half* a joke). Seriously, how did you come by this grace?

[Candy]

I have only seen the occasional grainy picture of you, but does Edward have your nose?

My god, they are gorgeous. And I laughed out loud (and seldom do) at your description of that precious boy's smile as malicious. Perhaps he hadn't been able to see her before, and was genuinely thrilled to find her. And her screaming alerted him to her presence!

No, I refuse to believe he's the evil one. But watch that girl. ;)

[Sharon]

In case you haven't heard about this yet, you might be interested in checking out babyplays.com. Similar to netflix, but for baby toys!

[Pam]

Many have already said this, but, mine are 2 years apart. I never bought a double stroller. I just used the Baby Bjorn with the baby and put the 2 year old in the cart or stroller. It worked well for us.

[Laurie]

I have twins and also did the sling/carseat combo. An added bonus to having one in the sling and one in the carseat is that people don't immediately realize that you have twins, so you don't get stopped nearly as much by curious shoppers. I generally don't mind people asking about the twins, but when they are that little you usually want to get in an out as quickly as possible.

[Julie]

Does your Target have any carts with a baby seat in the front? When my twins were still in the carrier seats, we'd put one in the front of the cart, and put the other (in their carseat) in the basket.

A friend with twins used to push one cart and pull another -- she said it was easier than carrying a carseat around.

A sling's a good idea too.

There's no easy way (that I've found), unfortunately, but it will be easiER when the weather's warmer and the babies are a little bigger.

PS When they can sit independently, find yourself a grocery store with lots of the multiple-kid carts!

[Kelly]

Most stores have at least a couple double seater carts. There is a company called Kozy Pal that makes double cart covers. I highly recommend upgrading to leg flaps. Here is a link: http://www.kozypalcartcovers.com/double_cart_covers.html

Might not be a solution for winter but spring is just around the corner.

[Suzanne]

We have the Chicco Key Fit too and though people claim that you can use with snap n go, I had the sales guy at BabiesRUS demonstrate and it didn't look one bit secure. I finally relented and just bought a Chicco stroller so the car seat would snap into it. I'm not sure if they have a twin one though so that's tough for you. I ended up just putting her in a sling the first several months on shopping expeditions, the car seat in the cart just took up too much room and she'd get antsy.

I love the key fit but they are freaking heavy - my daughter is now 18 pounds and I got tired of banging it into my legs so I never carry her in it anymore.

[Sheila]

I can see that soon Edward will have those little rubber band type marks around his wrists from the chubbiness. So cute. My kids all had them: on their wrists, upper arms, mid-thigh. I miss that.

Of course, all I have to do is look in a mirror and find them again. Sigh.

[Louise]

Hi, your babies are beautiful! And I'm in awe of your ability to form coherent - and interesting - sentences during this stage...parenting just one newborn was mind-numbingly exhausting for me. I'm sure you've been given this advice already, and perhaps you even have one, but the Peanut Shell was a godsend for me. My son loved it - perhaps too much, as he took all of his naps in it for the first 10 weeks. But it made getting out and about fairly easy for me. I got it from the peanut shell website, but I think Target sells them now. Good luck, and hope you figure something out soon that works for you.

[nicole]

I love your babies. They are glorious!

I will throw my sling comment onto the growing pile--I used a Kangaroo Korner Adjustable Fleece Pouch sling. Just the thing for those frigid temperatures (and I'm Canadian, so I know cold). Baby pops in and out very quickly and easily, and the other can remain in their seat in the cart/stroller/whatever. Once inside, if they need to switch places (ie, one wakes and fusses, one wants to nurse on the go, etc), it's relatively quick and painless. I'm not sure how you'd do that without another pair of hands to hold the evicted baby while you get the other one in the pouch, but you seem like a crafty girl, I'm sure you could find a way.

Rather than twins, I juggled a baby and toddler...then a preschooler and a toddler and a baby. Now we're at the Kindergartener/preschooler/toddler stage, and the cold months are still the rottenest. I can't wait for warmer days when we can just step into some sandals and go, rather than first wrangling three little bodies into fat outerwear.

Oh, and about the three carseats across one seat--I have given in and am getting a van. Sigh. Buckling the booster is a pain in the booty.

There, I have vomited advice all over the place now. Hope something is of some use to somebody, somewhere.