Trickier

In the past week Caroline and Edward have woken up, so to speak, and while it is a lot of fun to see them suddenly realize that there is a whole world out here; it is time consuming to be the wizard of that world. It is not as if they are suddenly hideously difficult or I am now doing that much more for them - they have just started needing to be relocated every few minutes when they are awake or they sort of... cruss (not quite crying but more aggressive than fussing - nice coinage, eh? EH? oh well). And while I know that they do sleep I cannot seem to pinpoint an hour or so during the day that they actually are sleeping. So that's what I have been up to lately - nothing; but it is a nothing that shifts with a baby or two in my arms from the living room to the kitchen to the laundry room ad infinitum.  

While Caroline was still in the NICU being fattened and Edward and I were maternity ward squatters, I would eat almonds and watch him sleeping peacefully in his hospital bassinet and wonder why in the bloody hell I had never just put the Infant Patrick DOWN. For some reason that I could no longer understand I carried Patrick everywhere with me. Seeing that Edward was perfectly content and yet not touching me in any way, I concluded that I must've been a moron, back in the day, not to realize how much easier it is to decant the baby every now and then. The first five weeks with C&E only served to cement this impression. I could wrap them tightly (or not! they weren't particular) in a stolen hospital blanket (the first textile manufacturer to make blankets of this size and weight available through retail will make a fortune - in the interim, hospital blankets will get taken by the cognoscenti who realize so-called receiving blankets are too small to be useful. necessity makes criminals of us all) and just walk away. They would stare or sleep or... I don't even know what they would do. That was the point. They were in the Pack n' Play and I was online ordering groceries. I got a lot done and I contemplated the outline for a book I clearly had time to write, working title - Parenting Twins: My God, How Easy It Is.

These past several days, though... wow. I am willing to cut the 2002 me a little slack. I probably carried Patrick around all the time because if I put him down he would cry. It was like his newborn brain constructed a flowchart in which every activity path except breastfeeding defaulted to misery. Edward and Caroline are a little more tolerant (so far) in that they do not need to be nursing twenty-four hours a day but they certainly have developed a preference for being pressed to my body. Or, failing that, for being shifted from the swing to the floor to a Boppy to the Day-Glo playmat to the etc. Well, Caroline likes the mat. Edward does not care for it so much, probably because he cannot see. At all, possibly, we think, if his follow-up appointment with the pediatric ophthalmologist is to be believed.

Is there a word that means "blind" but conveys that the blindness is a condition caused by iris cysts crowding the pupil and blocking the path of light going to the optic nerve but that it should resolve itself soon and that it might not even be blindness so much as an intense fuzziness?

I would be more concerned but for the fact that when I was rolling around on the floor with Patrick a few weeks ago we wound up in a beam of sunlight which caused Patrick's pupil to contract just at a moment when I was quite close to him. I realized that the margin between his iris and pupil is weird looking in both eyes - like Edward's although much less obvious. I brought him with me to Edward's appointment and casually mentioned this to the doctor who whipped out her whaddyacallit flashlight eye scope thing and checked him.

"No," she said, "no cysts."

"Really?" I asked. "Six o'clock in the right eye?"

So she pulled down the, um, thing that looks like a parking meter sort of, and looked again.

"Leave it to mom," she said. "Both eyes. But much fewer than Edward has."

A few days later I finally pinned Steve down in good light and studied his eyes to confirm my suspicion that all inherited problems stem from him. And guess what? Three for three.

As Patrick said, "The boys in our family all have cool eyes."

So I am not too worried that Edward will stay this Magoo'ish forever, but I do tend to look at him looking at things and wonder: what does he see? Color? Light vs. dark? Anything? Can he tell that I am smiling at him? Does he know that I think he is so cute I want to inhale him with my nose, my nose right here? You think I would have asked the ophthalmologist what she thinks the extent of his vision is right now but I was so busy doing my I Was Right About Patrick's Cysts dance that I forgot.                  

In other news, Edward is a total fatty and Caroline smiled at me for the very first time this morning, a big gummy grin. My heart pooled onto the floor.   

Comments

[Karen]

Hi, I don't know how relevant this is but I thought I would share with you that my now 4 1/2 yr. old started out seemingly blind. There wasn't a good diagnosis, it just became obvious that he wasn't tracking properly at 8 weeks or so. He would turn his face towards lights so we knew there was something going on...but that was all.

At 9 months old he was obviously tracking us and reacting quite differently to me (the woman with the goods) and dad who couldn't provide sustenance but was good for cuddling in a pinch.

By the time he could make a pincer grasp with his thumb and index finger he could use it to spot a rice krispie on a tan rug and pick it up. Now they say he might need glasses, maybe inherited his dad's strabismus but that's about it. What the best eye doctor in the Western Suburbs didn't want to admit was how little they know about some of this stuff.

[Someone Being Me]

I lucked out with my preemie. He was content to sleep most of the day when I got him home. If that didn't work the swing worked nicely. But he did eat every 3 hours like clockwork come hell or high water.

[SarcastiCarrie]

Anything and everything that isn't just quite "so" from here on out is the father's fault.
If they need to be held all the time, Steve's fault. If they wind up with skin that tans, Steve's fault. If they don't have perfect attendance from 3rd through 8th grades, Steve's fault. Straight hair, cowlicks, second toes longer than first toes, dislike of green veggies, Steve's fault, Steve's fault, Steve's fault, Steve's fault.

[Naomi]

I just read your Redbook post as well, but I can't comment over there and wanted to make some Twin Cities-specific suggestions regarding where to go with babies and Patrick.

1. The Como Conservatory (and possibly also the Como Zoo, or at least the Tropics Trail). It's particularly delightful on those bitter cold but very sunny days. The air smells really tropical and nice and it's really warm. You can't walk very far, but you can stroll around, admire the flowers, and soak up the sunshine.

2. The Minnesota Zoo. Has LOTS of indoor areas, including the aquatic stuff but also a tropical trail (much larger than Como's).

3. Edinborough Park in Edina. This is an indoor city park with an enormous playground that Patrick would probably enjoy, plus a gym with scooter boards and a bouncy house. I see lots of harried mothers with both a baby (or two) and an older kid. Not as much glass as the conservatory, but there are skylights and full-spectrum lights and live plants.

[Priscilla]

Two words: Moby Wrap. Basically a loooong piece of fabric that one winds around oneself. Kind of like a sling but more secure and adjustable. Also very good for twins because the winding makes two pouches, as it were. Et voila - hands-free mothering! I used one when my wee one was very wee, and adored it.

www.mobywrap.com

Best of luck and glad to know your family is doing well.

[Priscilla]

I think actually I might still have said moby wrap and I would happy to send it to you if you are interested. You can email me at adoptingababy at aol dot com with your address if you'd like me to send it your way!

[Pam L]

I too learned it was OK to "decant" my second one after hauling the first one around, although I would never have thought of using the phrase, but I wish I had. Interesting eye condition for Edward. Here's hoping the fuzzies clear soon and Edward will look at you with a gummy smile soon as well. No idea how long that will take eh?

[Ruth]

I second the use of a sling or wrap of some kind. My baby went through a similar phase last October, when she was about six weeks old. There is a picture of me on my blog taken about that time ... sewing a steek in a sweater while wearing the baby and talking on the phone. I really believe that babies that want to be held should be held. I wish I could have spent those days just rocking her in a chair while my husband brought me food, drink, and the remote, but alas, it could not be. Enter the sling. Saved.My.Life.

[Joanna]

I love your blog, Julia. I do.

And I've followed your travails for years, praying, hoping that you'd get PG.

But as I sit here reading this latest post, I wonder if you, and I, and a hundred thousand other women, aren't making a grave error in judgment.

11 miscarriages later, I don't know that I'd have the strength to face what you are probably facing with E&C -- I think of your family nearly daily.

[terri c]

Gosh. Since I started reading your blog eons ago, I have hearted Patrick. Now I heart Caroline and Edward too. I hope Edward's iris cysts begin to resolve soon. Also hope you'll post more photos (in your spare time, hahahaha) one of these days!!

[April]

I agree with PP- get a Moby Wrap! You can wear both babies at the same time and fold some laundry. :)

[Cris]

I have a 4-month old daughter, and we have loved the blankets at swaddle designs, which we actually got through target.com. This is not a paid endorsement, just advice. They are nice and big, softer than a hospital blanket, and come in cuter designs. We still swaddle the baby for every nap and these have been a lifesaver.

http://www.swaddledesigns.com/

[Kelly]

Have you seen the SweetPeace infant soothing system? Swing meets heaven with an MP3 input. Perhaps you could decant at least one baby.

[Alli]

There is a poem - I can't remember it all, but it goes something like "cobwebs can settle and dust go to sleep. I'm holding my baby and babies don't keep" I try to remember this when I can't put my baby down (born 12/25/2007 and very gassy, poor thing). Enjoy the tiny babieness.

[Clover]

I think I sent you some miracle blankets? I found those to be great once my twins outgrew the hospital blankets.
Sounds like Edward's eye issue is minor, since it doesn't seem to slow either Steve or Patrick down. Glad to hear all is well, even if a bit busier than you thought. :)

[jen]

Blankets - try Gymboree or the Gap. Not quite as good as hospital blankets (have one or two of those myself ;)), but almost there. I have three that I LOVE and are just right for swaddling. A bit warmer than one would like - winter only - but lovely!!

[electriclady]

Love the Moby Wrap--soooo comfortable.

Also, I have to tell you that for some reason I can't remember I had saved your "Yeasty" post in my Bloglines (I think I meant to comment someday but never got around to it) and my daughter (age 1) just loves the beautiful picture of Caroline in that post. She loves pictures of babies in general but whenever I show her that one she gets a huge delighted smile on her face. Excellent way to get her to stop freaking out for a minute. So thank you!

[Bobbi]

All I can ask is, PLEASE may we see more pictures when you get an extra millisecond??

Pretty please?

[Gigi]

My triplets (31 weeks preemies) would go into trance if placed on the bouncy seats on vibrate...might work for you!

[nate]

Gee, thanks Joanna. That was cheery!

Ooh...the first smile. I still remember C's. 6 weeks to the day. We even got a picture of her 2nd smile! I think *my* heart just melted into a gooey puddle just thinking about it--and that was almost 5 years ago! I love love love those gummy smiles... and think how many more of them you have to look forward to!

[amy]

Awwww!!!!

That's all I got.

[Natalee]

Smiles are the best. Here's to hoping that Edward takes after his father and brother, and the eye cysts will soon clear up.

[jkmcgoo]

Seconding swaddle designs recommendation. Rugrat kicks all other swaddling blankets off.

I love checking in on your family. you have a great attitude.

[mellie]

LTLOC (Long-time lurker occasional commenter) commenting from your R-book post re pumping bras--in the interim, I am passing on my better than a pumping bra anyway suggestion, which is a judicious use of a little removable type clear packing tape. I have fairly but not overly sensitive skin, and the removable stuff seemed to work without irritation. Happy to hear your lovely updates.

[Queenie]

"Two words: Moby Wrap." Yes. Or some kidn of carrier--I actually find wraps confusing, but I love my pouch. It's so easy, requires no adjusting, and it stuffs into a pocket of the diaper bag. Or a sling, Ergo, Beco, or just something to attach the kiddos to you without using your hands (duct tape? rope? anything, really). Seriously, carriers will change your life.

[Ruth]

The British have a name for "crussing" ... whinge. Which I love, because it conveys the whiney, complaining, fussy sound my kids make when they're unhappy enough to mention it but not enough to really let rip.

"Cruss" works, too.

[Karen]

Hi, I don't know how relevant this is but I thought I would share with you that my now 4 1/2 yr. old started out seemingly blind. There wasn't a good diagnosis, it just became obvious that he wasn't tracking properly at 8 weeks or so. He would turn his face towards lights so we knew there was something going on...but that was all.

At 9 months old he was obviously tracking us and reacting quite differently to me (the woman with the goods) and dad who couldn't provide sustenance but was good for cuddling in a pinch.

By the time he could make a pincer grasp with his thumb and index finger he could use it to spot a rice krispie on a tan rug and pick it up. Now they say he might need glasses, maybe inherited his dad's strabismus but that's about it. What the best eye doctor in the Western Suburbs didn't want to admit was how little they know about some of this stuff.

[Meli]

Julia, you sound so in love and it is wonderful!

[colicmommy]

It's the six week peak of fussiness. All babies are crabby at this time. They smooth out after another 2-3 weeks.

Did you ever read Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child? The chapter on birth to 4 months is so helpful to me. I have 3 kids, the third is now 8 wks old, and I browse that section several times a week, I feel like. It's a short chapter, you don't have to read the whole book. The key for me is to remember that the babe gets tired after no more than 1-2 hours awake. I need to get her down to sleep somehow before she's tired and crabby. Even though this is my third time around, I had to "re-remind" myself about the cycles of wake up, eat, be awake a little while, then need to sleep or get really fussy and need to be held. At six weeks, the deal is that they don't just drift off to sleep anymore. You have to get them there. Rocking or something. With this one, I rock her a few minutes, swaddled, and then put her down and let her cry a few minutes and she goes right out. No more than 5-10 minutes of fuss/cry.

Long gone are the days of rock rock rock nurse nurse nurse to sleep for my first. With a 4 and 2 yr old, I rock till she's getting calm and drowsy, then put her down to see if she'll fuss to sleep by herself and she always does within 10 min if I make sure she's not been up more than 1.5-ish hours. If I wait till she's really crying and upset and then start to try to get her to sleep, it won't work well. She'll take forever to get drowsy, and then she won't fuss down in 10 minutes...she'll just keep crying. So I really have to make sure to watch the clock so as not to keep the wakefulness too long. With twins, I'd have to write it down I'm sure. I can't remember anything.

Sorry if that's assvice. I myself had to reveiw everything even though I'm a third timer..and having the older children changes everything. Having TWINS?? hats off to you. Don't be afraid to let them fuss/cry for a few minutes when you know they are tired to see if they'll go down if you can stand it.

[Marivic]

"fatty" - hee

(Sorry, the purely-unintentional-I'm-sure entendre had me giggling.)

Whenever I see that you have a new post I want to grab a cup of coffee and curl up for a good read. Also, time-warp back to when my twins were newborn. And then I remember I had a 2 and 3 year old as well at the time and, well, end of memory lane (almost 17 years ago!) and back to the current 2 year old playing weggos.

Your family sounds scrumptious, thanks so much for sharing!

[lizneust]

I'm responding to your redbook post, because the redbook site hates me. My first was born in December during the coldest winter Boston had on record. Days and weeks went by, and it never cracked 20 degrees, plus there was a nice stiff wind blowing at all times. I picked to biggest stores I could find - Home Dept, Lowes, Costco, Target. Anything I could wander around in for a good 45 minutes and not go completely bonkers. I particularly liked Target because they kept very clean restrooms, but I think that's a local thing. I will say that any mall on a week day is pretty deserted, so that's worth a shot too.

Good luck!

[Sheila]

Aww, you got a smile from C today? That's the most wonderful Valentine's gift ever!
Hope E's eyes improve rapidly, and that soon he will be giving you gummy smiles too.
No advice on the carrying-around stage, just wishing you good luck. You are good at finding creative solutions!
Best wishes,

[winecat]

Oh a sweet gummy smile. May we see a picture soon? Because now that you know you can decant a kid you must have hours of free time on your hands lol.

[Heather]

My second goes to sleep like a dream baby now but the first three months I couldn't put him down. The moby wrap saved my sanity. I highly recommend it. I had other slings the first time around, but the moby was easy to wrap around myself and it really worked.
I do so love your blog and always wish the best for you and your family.

[Lydia]

Someone once described the moving of baby from pack-n-play to boppy to swing to mat to bouncy seat to boob to pack-n-play as "circuit training."

Perfect description.

[zarqa]

Boy, what a mom's eye you have to spot the same anomaly in patrick. I'm jealous. Although I must say that whenever I look at my little one so so closely I have to swallow back a big wad of fear: oh. my. god, I have a baby. Can't be objective, me.
The love is immense isn't it. I feel it in your words every time.
Oh, and a second for the moby wrap (although it is a pia to put on) and Gap blankets.

[sro]

I read the Redbook post.....always in February I visit Tonkadale Nursery..it is warm and bright. The spring flowers and starts remind me that spring is around the corner.

[Chickenpig]

My twins were also content to be 'decanted' in various places. The bouncy seat, the swing, the car seat...as long as they were slightly elevated. I wanted to carry them around more than I got to, because there were two of them.

They get harder the more they are awake. Three months was probably the toughest for me, because they were awake long enough to want to play and be entertained, but didn't have the coordination to bat at things or entertain themselves. When they start crawling and/or walking in different directions is tough too....it makes the newborn stage look not that bad.

Oh dear, ever since you wrote on the Redbook post about Edward staring at light I've been worrying about how much he could see (which is a little weird seeing that I don't know you). I suspect that you are in fact much more worried about it than your rather casual description reveals. While it is somewhat reassuring that both Steve and Patrick have cysts and do just fine, it's not so reassuring that the cysts have persisted - I was hoping they would just dissolve over time - and that Edward seems to have so many more. So I'll keep my fingers crossed for all of you.

[JuliaKB]

The boys in your family are just cool. And so are girls.
I hope that Edward's eventual outcome is as uneventful as Steve's and Patrick's.

[hms]

another redbook lurker de-lurking to say... my son and I took a great infant massage class series starting when he was about 6 weeks old. It was wonderful. It got us out of the house together, let me relate to other new moms, and gave me some nice tools to help keep him calm and happy. He was born in January, we live in MI - that class saved me! So glad your two little ones are doing well.

[Christa]

I have 14 month old twins. They are the light of my life. We too struggled for children and I have followed your story for some time. You are about to wander into a foggy oblivion of twin mommydom that seems to get more harrowing with each day until about 6 months. Then something just happens and it all makes sense and the fog starts to wear away. It gets harder, but in a more rewarding and less sleep deprived way with each passing day. I remember telling my husband when the kids were 4 months that I was going to physically die. I may have if I had not had such great nursing hormones pulsing through my every vein. Nursing kept me alive-I swear. I know where you are. You are in a beautiful place as I am sure you realize with each passing moment. Just wait until they smile at each other and kiss and hug and develop the unqiue bond that only twins have. It is amazing! Cheers!

[jozet at Halushki]

I third or forth or fifth the wraps. Try a few different kind if they don't go for the first kind.

I'd have never gotten anything done without one.

And congratulations! I've been away from blogdom and missed the Blessed Event!

[jozet at Halushki]

I third or forth or fifth the wraps. Try a few different kind if they don't go for the first kind.

I'd have never gotten anything done without one.

And congratulations! I've been away from blogdom and missed the Blessed Event!

[Corinne]

I cannot speak for myself, but my cousin nursed twins and said that if they both wanted to eat at the same time, she would lay them on their backs on the floor, and while on her stomach, prop up on her elbows, with necessary parts arranged over their faces. (Similar pose to someone lying on the floor watching TV.) She said it was easier to arrange herself than to try to arrange and hold both babies.

[jet lagged]

From your REDBOOK post,

"While I could have done without the significant downward glance that followed my negative reply to the c-section inquiry,..."

Hilarious! It is because of your perfectly timed and exquisite prose that I turn to your site first thing every day. Thank you.