Beloved

You know what occurs to me? It occurs to me that I only write blog posts these days when I have the time to do so. That means that the babies are either asleep or content to the point of stupor, Patrick is occupied, I have written for REDBOOK as per my agreement with those fine people and my house is clean. No wonder I write so infrequently but when I do I produce roseate valentines to love/children/family/togetherness. I am in such a good mood because when I sit down at my computer I am not dealing with any of them.

So, in the spirit of total honesty, 99% of the time  I am sleepy, slightly overwhelmed and mostly crabby.

Last night around midnight I said to my sweet pretty baby girl, "Oh for the love of god Caroline, STOP SMILING AT ME AND GO TO SLEEP." Seriously, it is like living with Shirley fucking Temple.

Patrick, who I remember as being such a wonderful child upon whose every word the fruit of my life was hung, has been trying my patience to no end - what with his bouncing around all over the place with those flailing, baby crushing limbs of his and the fact that he. never. stops. talking. Good LORD. And to think that this was the kid whose urgent need for speech therapy left me tearfully worried that we might never know what was going on inside that well-shaped head of his. Fear not - there is never a thought that goes unuttered. For a while he was getting up six to ten times a night after we had put him to bed, just to open his door and shout down new observations to us (e.g. "They must have eclipses on other planets!" - Go to sleep; "Sassy started her own science museum in 1872!" - Go to sleep; "If you make a puppet without ears you would need to do sign language with your left hand but if you had TWO puppets without ears they would live in silence" - What? I mean... GO TO SLEEP!) He has stopped doing this but I recently discovered that it is just because he simply gets up after we leave his room and reads. At some later point he gets tired, turns off the light and goes back to bed; so that by the time we check on him around eleven he is just as we left him at eight. I might never have caught on to his Make-Your-Own-Bedtime shenanigans if he hadn't implicated himself WITH ALL THAT TALKING HE DOES. A few days ago he was blathering on and I heard "... blah blah blah blah and then when I got up and finished that book... ." Ah ha! Busted.

Although, you know, I am having a hard time feeling passionate about correcting this behavior, probably because I am insomniac myself and I can remember lying in the dark for HOURS as a child waiting to fall asleep. BOR-ING. On the one hand he is spending the time constructively, he is still getting about eleven hours of sleep, and he is not bothering us so... why fuss? On the other hand, we do say "OK, good night, go to sleep" so the whole getting up and reading instead is clearly defiant behavior.

It's a pickle, and I am so ambivalent about it that we are following a don't ask/don't tell policy. I suppose that is bad parenting.

Who did I forget?

Oh, Kelvin the crazy (excuse me, the spacefuck crazy) cat has been peeing in the corner of our bedroom off and on for a while, despite the fact that he is monitored more closely than Castro for changes in his medical condition and the fact that Steve lovingly carries him around like a baby when he is not asleep on Steve's lap. One could argue that the cat is jealous of the twins but hell, they should be jealous of him. So we just got the restoration cleaners back in again and they pulled up the carpet and replaced the pad and pumped 5 billion gallons of water through the area and finally gave it a clean bill of health. As I was handing the guy the check - as I was handing the guy the check -  Kelvin nudged my foot over and  started to pee.

I. Could. Have. Killed. Him.

Steve has been rather sweet lately but he is finally having his knee surgery on Friday morning, so he is on my list, too. As far as I know they will be fracturing his kneecap and then... then I don't know what because at that point of his medical narrative I always start thinking about how I am going to cope with FOUR NEEDY PEOPLE in my house and the next thing I know I am in the fetal position and Steve has stopped talking. The part I am clear about is that he will be on crutches for six weeks and he will have some sort of machine that moves his leg for him eight hours a day. Every five minutes I discover a new thing Steve will be unable to accomplish with crutches (taking the trash down to the road. changing the vaulted ceiling light bulbs. carrying a baby... the mind boggles.) Obviously Steve is still my precious baboo and I am sorrier than I can say that he is broken and I hope the surgery will enable him to eventually walk without pain but I cannot help but notice that his surgery is a trifle inconvenient, is all. Besides he walked around like Banquo's ghost moaning about the extra work when I was on bed rest, so there.

Oh dear I forgot Edward. What a terrible mother I am. Let's see, what has Edward been doing to irritate me? Oh right. I was so excited about the new stroller setup that I planned a massive errand running excursion yesterday to celebrate my return to mobility. Which is when I learned that Edward really really really hates the car. He was fed, he was dry, he was clean, he had an amusing little hanging toy; and yet he screamed and screamed. I am used to some objections at the beginning of an outing but nonstop yelling for the duration of a wee trip for more fenugreek (fenugreek to benefit him, I will have him know) is just rude.

Well, that feels better. Nothing like admitting that your entire family is annoying you. Fortunately my mom and brother arrive tomorrow for a long weekend and I expect they will let me escape for a restorative pedicure and everything will be gumballs and rainboots again. Or they'll kick my ass - since they have never tolerated for long these unbecoming fits of temper.

Hope you are well and enjoying each and every second with the cherished people you hold dear.    

    

Comments

So utterly refreshing to read what I feel NEARLY EVERY DAY. Thank you.

[Flippy]

Dr. Elsey's Cat Attract, at your local PetsMart. I almost guarantee it. Also, trying different sized/shaped litter boxes. Sometimes a cat has trouble with a litter box and chooses the easiest place to go. For instance, a cat getting arthritic might start having trouble with a box that requires them to climb up into it.

[sozzled (but not at this moment)]

I refuse to insist that children who sneak to read must go to sleep.....I remember hours spent under the covers with a flashlight & a book v fondly.....

If you need a night out to go drinking, you know who to call...I've been wanting to go to the Happy Gnome in St Paul, but never get over there...

[StephanieO]

When we got new carpet recently, I learned that you can get carpet pads made from "closed-cell-foam," which is to say they do not get wet. We have two kids and two dogs, so we jumped on that upgrade! Because spills (ahem) do not get into the pad, it is much easier to get smells out of the carpet. So they say, anyway.

My husband had ACL surgery when my son was 4 months old. His dad came for a few days and was worth his weight in GOLD (perhaps that's why your family is coming?). Did you know that general anesthesia can make your bladder "forget" how to pee, and if you haven't urinated for 12 hours you have to go to the ER? I didn't either. Apparently it's very rare for non-senior-citizens, but it happened to my 35 year old husband. I was so glad his dad was here so I didn't have to pack up the 4 year old and the 4 month old and go hang out at the ER at midnight.

The recovery was crushing for a short time, but you do what you have to do. Good luck to Steve (and you all) with the surgery!

[vvictoria]

It all sounds very overwhelming, but apart from Sassy's 19th century science museum, the only part of this post that I can really react to is the sentence about how Steve "will have some sort of machine that moves his leg for him eight hours a day." ???? Like, he sleeps with it?

[andrea]

Right ... typepad just ate my comment. What was I saying ... Like Clover, I'm relieved to read that you too get plain irritated at times by your bubs. You did seem so extraordinarily together for a mother of young twins AND another kid. My twins are nine months old and I am SO tired and god they exasperate me at times. But they are also turning into such gorgeous little children. That helps me cope with the sleep deprivation and so on.

For years and years I hid under my covers with a flashlight and read until I couldn't keep my eyes open. I even worked out that I could keep my eyes open longer if I lay on my stomach. Even now I like a read before bed to get sleepy, though often these days I'm too freaking exhausted to even comtemplate it. I just lie there in an overtired stupor till I eventually pass out. Go Patrick for working out how to entertain himself until sleep descends.

[magpie]

You made my day. Someone else bitching about their whole lovely family. I needed that. Because I would surely like to bitch about mine, but I just can't do that. Oh well. I live vicariously through you (with only one child and no cats, much less spacefuck crazy ones).

[Molly]

It's a pickle, and I am so ambivalent about it that we are following a don't ask/don't tell policy. I suppose that is bad parenting.
My youngest is about to graduate from high school so I'm comfortable offering these two pieces of assvice that have stood me in good stead for 20-some years:
1.Choose your battles. Save your strength for the ones that don't matter. In this case you might even give up telling him to go to sleep. I gave my kids each a flashlight so they could read without lighting up the whole room.
2.Don't make rules that you can't enforce. This one becomes more important as they grow older. There are some things you simply can't police and that they know damn well they can get away with. ("Don't leave high school to go to lunch in someone's car" comes to mind. No way to enforce that one. "Don't miss the first class after lunch" is easier to monitor.)

[geeky]

How about a picture of Kelvin?

[Slim]

In bedroom + quiet = acceptable bedtime behavior.

I agree with the change to "see you in the morning," and if he calls you on it (why would he, though, when he'd getting his way?), just say you realized it's not fair to make him try to sleep before he's tired.

[Candy]

Julia! As always, I am so thrilled to see an update from you.

Now what was I gonna say here? Hmm..Ah YES!

There is a thing you can spray where the cat is peeing...it is a hormonal kind of thing and it's designed to relax them, if what they're doing is peeing out of stress. Which it certainly sounds like he is. I believe it's a pheromone spray, but your pet supply place would know better. It worked for us.

And what on earth can fenugreek offer Edward? As I recall, it's a horrid smelling orangish spice. Am I wrong? Must I Google?

[Michele Bertram]

How about instead of "OK, good night, go to sleep", how about "OK, good night, sleep tight"? From another reader under the covers with 2 out of 4 kids who did the same!

[debbie]

I love what you are saying. I thought at 14 my twin girls would sleep but know we have on who studies during the night and cleans her room and the other just moves about the house sleeping in different places. So I understand what you me when your a little crabby and tried. By Friday night I just want sleep and know one to talk to me. Good luck with your husband.

[lou]

"If you make a puppet without ears you would need to do sign language with your left hand but if you had TWO puppets without ears they would live in silence"

That is a little slice of brilliance... honest to god that has made my day.

[Helen]

It's ok to be seriously annoyed with everyone within a 2 mile radius from time to time, especially our loved and beloved.

Hell, my loved and beloved twins just had gastroenteritis, lemme' tell you how tempting it was to strip 'em down and set 'em on a tarp for the day, in order to allow me to hose them down with greater efficiency in the evening. Surely a truely nurturing mother wouldn't feel that way, right?

Hope that helps you feel one with the Mrs. Cleaver zen.

[Cindy]

Wow! All that to deal with and fenugreek, too? That stuff is NASSS-TAY and the necessity of its use is what pushed me over the edge of sanity with my first newborn. Yuck! So, I'm sending you big sympathy hugs from another mom with a non-stop talker and who is a recovering feungreek user. Hang in there!

[luolin]

But how annoyed will you be if your mother re-orients all the toilet paper rolls again?

My son used to cry all the time in the car, including a horrible 45-minute drive between his great-grandmother's and our hotel when he was 5 1/2 months old. He's mostly ok now (9 months) for what it's worth. I think it got better sometime around 6 months.

[Theresa]

I tend toward the cynical so of course I'm wondering if the timing of Steve's knee surgery didn't intentionally "happen" to correspond with March Madness. Tell me I'm wrong and that he's not spending his days drugged up watching college boys play ball while you tend to his three kids!

By the way, I'm a big fan of Steve's and know what a great guy he is...I'm just sayin' is all.

[lori]

I'm not sure if anyone has mentioned this yet since I don't have time to read through the comments section in it's entirety. Regarding the screaming in the car, the only thing that ever worked for us was children's music. Not just any children's music but music that included children's voices. It wasn't until my daughter was 12 mths old and I had tried everything else that we started doing this. Perhaps because I was not thrilled with the idea of giving up my only chance to listen to the radio. I suffered through the screaming fits for months and felt like a captive in the home for much of the time because it was just that awful. I'm not sure if it would work with a very young infant but you might give it a try. These work well for us -- Raffi's, "Singable Soungs for the Very Young", and one cpllection (no particular musician cited) called "Toddler Favorites." The latter is readily available at Target stores and has a teapot in the cover.

[terri c]

Too lazy to log in at THE OTHER PLACE. But oh.my.god the stress with the husband and the babies and Patrick. Hiring someone sounds like a great idea. Although I hope the narcotic, queasy-stomached phase of Steve's recovery is soon over. What did the sawbones do to his knee? Warm thoughts to all.

[Hetty Fauxvert]

Wow, that's really unfortunate about Steve's impending knee troubles. If you can afford it, get a babysitter or mother's helper to come in and spell you! No need to run yourself into the ground.

And the batsh!t crazy cat? Bow to the inevitable and give the poor thing a litter box in that corner. When the cat passes on, some years in the future, you can have that square of carpet back. In the meantime, you'll all be a little less crazy! :)

As for the inimitable Patrick, it's been niggling at the back of my mind for some time now as to who he reminds me of, and I finally got it: One of my favorate all-time literary characters, Miles Vorkosigan. The final chapter of Lois Bujold's book BARRAYAR paints a picture of the five-year-old Miles that sounds verrrrry familiar! (I should warn you that reading about Lord Miles is strangely addictive. Bujold has legions of fans that dress up at SF conventions and so forth, like Trekkies. Don't say I didn't warn you!)

[MichelleB]

Ok, forgive if this has been said, but I didn't read all the comments before I added my two cents...

As someone who has spent the last 11 weeks on and off crutches for a broken ankle, invest in renting a wheelchair. I rented one that I used mostly at home and only on our first floor, but it was a lifesaver. I could pick things up and move things and not be the one only asking for stuff to be dine. I have a 5 y/o and a 5 m/o...I still needed ots of help, but with the chair, I could do some stuff on my own and actually get the baby around some.

Good luck. It ain't been fun.

[MichelleB]

Ok, forgive if this has been said, but I didn't read all the comments before I added my two cents...

As someone who has spent the last 11 weeks on and off crutches for a broken ankle, invest in renting a wheelchair. I rented one that I used mostly at home and only on our first floor, but it was a lifesaver. I could pick things up and move things and not be the one only asking for stuff to be dine. I have a 5 y/o and a 5 m/o...I still needed ots of help, but with the chair, I could do some stuff on my own and actually get the baby around some.

Good luck. It ain't been fun.

[Crystal]

Pictures.

Kid holding or standing beside artwork. Ginormous storage media are c - h - e - a - p.

Then again, my three together aren't half as prolific as Patrick. They all have sensory issues. They prefer legos. Less sticky. Still, pictures are cool, nice way to archive, and someday they'll be able to see what they made. And I don't have to worry about picking the wrong ones to capture.

Some of the really great stuff gets saved in a file though, and a picture.

Oh Julia, I just read that JLo and her hubby have not one but TWO baby nurses but they still take provide "much" of the babies care themselves. I thought of you as I was rolling on the floor laughing. :)

[extagen]

Nice blog.