Aprilish

I think the New England Journal of Medicine soon will be publishing a piece on Steve. His case bears so many remarkable features that I cannot help but feel that humanity should be the beneficiaries of his unique recovery experience. Take, for example, the fact that this morning he was able to toast a bagel, slice wafers from both a red onion and a tomato, liberally smear the bagel with cream cheese, and arrange pieces of lox just so before sprinkling a generous tablespoon of capers on top of it all. He then proceeded to boil water, french press coffee, dose it heavily with a chocolate caramel  concoction and somehow managed to transport both bagel and beverage from the kitchen to his office without dropping them or scalding himself. And yet even the idea of performing the arguably simpler task of slapping peanut butter and jelly between two slices of wheat bread and throwing it in a bag with a juice box leaves him pale and trembling. Or, for another, there is his unusual restriction of motion that enables him to go downstairs to play xbox but prevents him from going upstairs to put Patrick to bed. Truly remarkable. I just hope the combined efforts of the global medical community might enable them to puzzle it out amongst themselves. Meanwhile, his strength and perseverance during this time of adversity is, naturally, an inspiration to us all.

Ok, how about this six word story?

For sale: baby shoes, never worn.

That's Hemingway, of course, but isn't it great? Didn't that justify the clicking? Or, if you are feeling a little French, I offer this line which always pleased me:

Ronsard me celebrait du temps que j'etais belle

That is part of a poem in which Ronsard is telling some nice young woman that - just think! - one day when she is old and faded she will be able to look back upon this poem and know that Ronsard himself once thought she was beautiful.  What an ass he must have been.

For the first time ever I won an NCAA basketball pool. Me. I won it. First place. And a fairly sizeable pool it was. I would be prouder of myself if I had done anything other than gone through the brackets clicking favorites and refusing to let Duke get past the first round but there it is - the secret to my success.

So let's see...          

I think being a three month old twin must sort of suck. You get all of the disadvantages of having to wait your turn with none of the much lauded built-in companionship. Caroline and Edward, to name just two, have no idea the other one exists. Usually, I mean. It is true that this week for the very first time they actually looked at each other like they meant it. Edward said Ahgoo and Caroline blew a raspberry and then they went back to looking at me again. It was like neighbors introducing themselves in a condo parking lot - pleasant but noncommittal.

Edward is absolutely adorable. He started laughing about a week ago and now everything cracks him up. Covering my face with a blanket and saying "Wheeeeeere's Edward"? Hilarious. Being naked and flown around the bathroom like an albatross? Hysterical. He is also ticklish on his back, his neck, and his cheeks so when I am not amusing him with my thought-provoking antics I can always prompt a giggle with basic physical comedy. I wish I could capture one of his face-splitting muppet grins on film but every time the camera comes out he just stares at it with puzzled concern. Caroline, on the other hand, has only laughed one time but she looooooves the camera. Nothing lights her up Tokyo-style like having her picture taken. So I have a million cutebaby photos of Caroline and an equal number of guy-on-the-street-asked-opinion-by-television-news-crew-paralyzed-by-self- consciousness pictures of Edward. I am sitting on my hands right now to keep from posting examples of either or both, since I am trying to see if I can make it through an entire post without slapping up photos of my children.

When they are not being photographed for my entertainment they are doing normal baby things. Edward never did roll over again but he is working on it. I had to move him out of the Moses Basket since he is tall enough that he was having to bend his knees in there. When he unbent them his head touched the top and his feet touched the bottom and he would start to rotate face downwards into the loose smooshy mattress. Which seemed dangerous to me, what can I say? He sleeps in his crib now and I rolled some  receiving blankets up to create the illusion of a smaller space for him. Not that he cares because he just goes to sleep whenever and wherever the urge takes him. I cannot count the number of times I have returned to get a recently bathed Edward off the bathroom floor having first moved Caroline only to find Edward sound asleep already. It's a rather nice habit in a baby.

Caroline can traverse surprising distances while flat on her back by  moving her feet and scooting herself backwards. She keeps winding up under the couch. She continues to stay up later than Edward  and she continues to sleep through the night.  Right now she is lying on a Boppy in the living room making spitty airplane noises for her own amusement. She has been doing this for the past forty-five minutes. Another rather nice habit in a baby - self-sufficiency.

Patrick just came out of his bedroom, choking with laughter. The reading in bed thing has been tacitly accepted and I went so far as to buy him a clip lamp today at Target. Usually he stays in his room, rebelling by reading after hours, but tonight he had to share something funny, something SO FUNNY, that he had just discovered in Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle. I still have no idea what it was; he was laughing too hard to be understood. But I am shimmying with glee - MRS PIGGLE-WIGGLE. Patrick is reading fiction. I have selfishly longed for the time when Patrick would start to read my favorite books (the Mrs Piggle-Wiggle in question is from my private collection) and all it took was leaving stacks of novels on his floor and then implying that they were NOT to be read. It's like Br'er rabbit. I am a super genius.

And, finally (I have Battlestar Galactica to watch), speaking of super geniuses I think Edward might be the smartest baby in the whole world. I say, "Kiss, Edward" and he sticks out his tongue. Feeling a little French, indeed, but STILL. Smartest baby ever. 

Comments

[Cynthia]

oh man....I love them too now....

[Catherino]

I'm just a loyal lurker, but I say please don't resist the temptation to post baby photos each time. We ALL love to see baby photos, said with relative certainty :)

[parodie]

I must chime in with Catherino - I was positively disappointed by the absence of baby pictures. Though of course your prose is as witty and sparkling as ever! :)

[Penny]

It's somewhat tolerable when you don't post their pictures. It crosses over to unbearable territory, however, when you confess to rein in your impulses in order to deprive me (me!) of seeing those pictures.

Terrible idea.

Here's another vote that you let loose on the picture-posting urges.

[Mandy]

There are times when one really should give in to temptation. ;)

I love to hear they are all doing so well, and hope that soon Steve's mysterious fluctuations in ability will resolve themselves. :) with or without intervention.

[JuliaKB]

They are all just adorable (well, not sure about Steve. The X-box has a strange gravitational pull that enables amazing feats of both self-transportation and single-minded focus, I know, but still). And yet, you might be the cutest thing in the bunch-- it is so good to see you so happy.

[tgsdmom]

Of course I wanted to see pictures too... :-)

A short sentence loaded with meaning that I like was the answer a young lady gave for the question "What would you like to be written on your grave-stone?". She said: "Here lies A.L., beloved mother, grandmother and great grandmother"

[Serina]

OMG! I need baby pictures!! You can even post one of your BIGGEST baby if you like! ;)

[Laurie A.]

I knew there was another reason I liked you...you're the only other Battlestar fan that I know beside myself and my husband! Do you think three fans could bring it back for another season? How about Jericho? We liked that one too (past tense since they canceled it abruptly two weeks ago). By the way, pictures of the children are always welcome!

[Slim]

PICTURES, woman! Spit spot! (That was my own literary allusion backatcha, you're welcome.)

At our latest parent-teacher conference, my son's teacher showed us his scores on various aspects of reading. His reading aloud is better for fiction than nonfiction, as it is for most kids, probably because mean parents like me prefer reading stories to reading the Dorling Kindersley Big Tedious Book of Dinosaur Facts.

[Maggie]

Oh you cruel, heartless woman! Describing the cute cute cute babies and their cute cute cute different responses to the camera and then not providing pictures! Please reconsider!

[katie]

just proof that ALL men turn into complete babies when they are sick (or recovering from surgery as the case may be). of course, some of it may be warrented, but it's like they can't resume normal activites until they are 110% better. have you seen the one on youtube about the man cold? HILARIOUS.

ditto the requests for pictures, especially after all the descriptions! those two sound like such an adorable little set of three month baby love :)

[rose]

Men-they seem to feel that no one could possibly understand the complexity of their various ailments and injuries. One time when all 3 kids were under 5, all of us had the stomach flu. There was much washing and wiping and switching of videos going on. When I finally complained that I shouldn't have to do it all he said "You can't possibly feel as bad as I do, because you wouldn't have been able to get up so much!"
LOVE Mrs. Piggle Wiggle. Absolutely the best. All parents should read her. She is the mother of "natural consequences"
If he likes the funny, he might enjoy Louis Sacher. He has a bunch or books of silly but wise "Sideways stories from the Wayside School"
You are a saint for dealing with twin infants and a husband on crutches.

[Donna]

But we love the baby pictures!

[merseydotes]

Last night, I was perusing the Scholastic book order forms that came home from preschool, and a four-pack of Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle books made me leap out of bed with glee. I had *totally* forgotten her. I cannot wait for the pack to arrive so I can relive them with my Petunia.

[Luise]

Love hearing about -- and seeing! -- your twins. I have a twin great niece and nephew just a month younger than yours. Sadly for me, they live in NYC (I'm in Cambridge), but their parents send weekly pictures and information, which helps. (Their dad is in a wheelchair thanks to a spinal cord accident -- a whole 'nother story -- and is one of the happiest men alive with his babes.) Clearly, your hands are more than full, but you also seem to be having a double dose of fun. Enjoy.

[Sarah]

Oh my gosh, Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle books were definitely some of my favorite!! (And don't hesitate to post baby pics, we love 'em!)

[Helen]

Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle rocked. I look back on it now and think she's very "I'm OK You're OK" and would most definitely be arrested for chid endangerment (Interrupting Cure, anyone?). You know Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle is secretly into the cooking sherry and personally thinks a good bitch-slap is what modern man needed, but WOW - what a woman.

[Mimi]

I once cracked myself up uncontrollably while reading Charlotte's Web -- "pig Supreme! Sounds like a rich dessert! bwahhhh haahhaaahhh! "

[victoria]

"Meanwhile, his strength and perseverance during this time of adversity is, naturally, an inspiration to us all." God, I love your writing.

[erin]

mrs. piggle wiggle is the best book series ever written. I still often think about the boy who got so dirty his parents grew radishes on him.

[colicmommy]

Pictures!

Pick up Edward to nurse at 11 p.m. or whenever Caroline goes to bed.

You know Wiessbluth is all like "Don't disturb their deep sleep" and I love the man's book, don't get me wrong. BUT, my three month old was doing the go to bed at 7-8, wake at midnight, wake at 5, up for the day at 7 thing, which kinda sucked. Two wake ups for mom. My own mother was like "pick up the baby at 10 pm when you go to bed, feed her, then ignore her at midnight unless she's REALLY pissed". I actually listened to my mom, and oh my god, it worked. The babe slept from that feeding to at least 5 am. Then she lengthened it to 6 or 7 a.m.

So now I do the Weissbluth thing on almost everything, esp. the no more than 2 hours awake bit, but I tell him to flip off when it comes to not disturbing their sleep for my own sleep.

love to hear you so happy!

[Christine]

I love reading your updates, because my son is about the same age and is hitting a lot of the same milestones. Keep them coming, and baby pics are always appreciated!

[Denise]

Pictures - yes!

Battlestar Galactica spoilers - please don't, or I will have to stop reading. I'm still in the middle of Season 3 and don't get the Sci Fi channel. I have already accidentally found out who some of the Cylons are by reading blogs, and although I won't tell my husband he is almost afraid to talk to me.

[Andrea]

Regarding the leaving of books and instructing your son not to read them: My 9yo nephew would call that, with an air of advanced education in his voice, "Reverse Pie Sology". It's much funnier to hear him say it person, I promise.

[amy]

awww... no pictures ... awwwwww

[Jennifer]

I'm so glad that I'm not the only one to be watching Battlestar...I'm so sad that this season is it.

Amazing how men can pick and choose their priorities-Xbox and bagels...maybe he has developed an allergy to PB&J? At least Patrick hasn't hit puberty yet...

[Corinne]

But we WANT to see the photos. I went right to the end of the post, thinking you'd cave. I must tell you I'm a bit put out.

[LMM]

Why, oh Why, would you not want to post pictures?!?
Do you not know us well enough by now?

[Rayne of Terror]

Edward = genius baby. Perhaps he would enjoy a reading of Mrs. Piggle Wiggle when he is not sleeping. I did not get a charming sleeper and can see the allure. However I did get a self sufficient (for mommy only) baby and am now enjoying a three year old who wipes his own bottom and actually gets it clean. AmAzing.

[Molly]

If non-fiction is Patrick's thing, have you introduced him to the Horrible Histories yet? They are wonderful. And right about Patrick's reading level. http://www.horrible-histories.co.uk/index.tao?PageId=home

Another book I think would be right up Patrick's alley is The Way Things Work, by David Macauley.

[Kathleen]

Give into the photo temptation. Giiiiiiiiiivvvvve innnnnnn.

Of course Edward is the smartest baby in the world. That he is French is a bit of surprise. I wonder where Caroline is from?

[Genevieve]

I join in the general clamouring (British spelling) for pictures of the adorable and clever and reasonably self-sufficient babies!

Harrumph on being well enough to make complicated just-so-bagel and coffee breakfasts but not enough to put together a PB&J. Or go downstairs-then-up but not upstairs-then-down. Harrumph, I say. I second the viewing of the YouTube video on the Man Cold.

Does your library have an online reservation system? There is an entire book of those six-word stories, inspired by the Hemingway one (I believe). I'm currently third in line for it at our library. They're each short enough that you could read a couple while nursing or at some point!

Let's hear it for happy babies! I read this in yesterday's Onion and cracked up. Insisted on reading parts of it to my second-grader and telling him I knew that his baby self had written it using a pseudonym: http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/i_cant_imagine_why_anybody

[Genevieve]

And hooray hooray for Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle! You are brilliantly devious.

Patricia was the girl whose parents grew radishes on her dirty skin. Then there was Christopher, the tiny-bite-taker.

[Meegan]

Oh how I love Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle. You ARE a super genius.

And post the pictures, dernit! Your descriptions are wonderful, but the proof is in the pudding. What can I say? I'm a sucker for them babies.

[Amber]

update with the pictures, please. thanks. congrats on the pool. I won mine too. same theory about Duke.

[Monica C.]

You beat Patrick in the basketball pool?

MOR PIKCHERS, please!

[lauric]

LOVE Mrs. PW, SAD my kids never enjoyed her like I did. PEEVED you did not put up pictures. Last but not least, so very GRATEFUL that you share your life with us.

[dianne]

Pictures, goddammit ... I mean, Please?

[Deanna]

Thank you!! My husband thought I was insane when I was describing a story I had once read about a boy who was so dirty his parents grew things on him because I couldn't recall the book's title. Had you not mentioned Mrs. Piggle Wiggle and joggled my memory, I would have had to Google "boy grows seeds on skin" and frankly I was afraid to find out what that might have yielded.

[Kimberly]

Why are you denying us baby photos?? Post away!

[Rebecca]

"It was like neighbors introducing themselves in a condo parking lot - pleasant but noncommittal." Loved this!

I would have enjoyed seeing pictures, too. Any time.

[Mizasiwa]

more pics please...they are only rivaled in true baby beautifulness by my two angels ;-)

[tree town gal]

De-lurking to add to the plea for photos of those charming kiddos. Of course, always adore your prose, wit and sarcasm - esp your hilarious tales of your selectively-hobbling husband. And Patrick has once again shown his impeccable taste in literature.

[Rosemary]

I have been reading since before you got pregnant and I never comment (well except to say Congrats! on the babies) b/c you get so many comments and I figure they all say what I want to. . . but I just want to be on record as saying you are HILARIOUS and your wit and writing are just such a pleasure to read. Saying that reminds me of this post about when you took Patrick to the bank and he embarrassed you - I can't remember what he did, but the way you tell stories is beyond funny really. And the way you cast yourself sometimes as Patrick's bumbling Mommy is delightful.

To me, your writing is like warm shortbread or first tulips or earl gray with a friend. I mean, one of those small, simple things that make you think: now THIS is it!

[CP]

Long time reader here and I agree- post the baby photos! We love the baby photos!

And, can Steve come over to my house and make me a bagel? I'll send you my non-knee-surgeried husband. He doesn't get much done around the house even with 2 fully functioning legs.

[Elena]

must agree with everyone who's already said it: there is no need, NO NEED WHATSOEVER, to try and make it through a whole blog entry without slapping up pics of the kids!
We twinless women anxiously await them.

[peeks]

pics pics pics. and do you think they are just noticing they are separate people?

i do hope steve is working very hard on the internet grocery shopping. yum to his bagel recipe.

[Kristine]

Feel compelled to add that I also love Mrs. Piggle Wiggle... that is how strong my feelings are, that simply was forced to share. And also, what time would I stop by to have that little breakfast ensemble with Steve? Yum.

[terri c]

Exquisite post. AS ALWAYS. Could be made better only by adding pix of babies. Can't wait to read NEJM analysis of Steve's most remarkable case. Although it sounds to me as if his recovery has been complicated by some of the unfortunate systemic effects of the Y chromosome...