Chiffonade

Steve's birth father arrives tomorrow for a weekend visit. I have mixed feelings about this: on the one hand I am catatonic with social anxiety; on the other I am desperately worried about potential awkwardness. Hmmm. Not so much mixed feelings, I guess, as blended feelings. Well blended into a potent cocktail of stress.

Not only have we never met the man (or his wife, obviously) we (and by "we" I mean Steve) have never even spoken with him. The sum total of our interaction has been a handful of emails. And yet, golly, a weekend visit. Friday, meet Sunday. Oh my. So I am doing what I always do and I am making enough food to stuff a legion. When in doubt, feed people. I think, by the way, I need to put up some new recipes. We have been hosting various and sundry people quite a bit since the babies have been born and I have some thoughts on good, make-ahead stuff for lunch and dinner that you can concoct practically with one hand. But I digress. Birth father. Never met. Arriving tomorrow. I told my friend Noelle that if they don't drink I am packing up the babies and coming to her house. Ha ha ha ha ha. I'm kidding, naturally. Of course I would never hope to defuse a situation rife with meaning and angst and whatnot by offering everyone a Sidecar. Wine, maybe.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Caroline started rolling from her back to her stomach a day after her four month appointment and now it is all she wants to do. Back-stomach-back-stomach-back... flip flip flip. Today she went from her back to her stomach to her back again, but this time it was a 360. She rolled and wound up under the couch and then snorted in amusement. Very ladylike. She also studies her hands like a stoner every chance she gets. Edward likes to be on his side and he likes to suck his fingers (or the socks that cover his fingers; he's not finicky) and he likes to screech. He can see faces and I think he can see expressions but I am not entirely sure that he can see details in things. I do know that every time I walk into a room his entire body tenses and then quivers with excitement and pleasure and I don't think I will ever get tired of that.

I wrote a post a REDBOOK on Monday about how Patrick keeps telling me how he likes Steve better. Today he flung his arms around me and said, "I love you. You are just so... lovable!" Then he suggested that we go inside (we were digging for worms at the time) and write poems about how much we love each other. I just cannot shake the impression that Patrick toys with me for his own amusement.

Finally, I call this One Hat, Two Interpretations:

Comments

[Amanda]

You have beautiful children. Good luck on the company, and I would love to see the recipes when you get a chance.

[Kate]

Just beautiful.

[SueWho]

Hi Julia. I've been reading for about a year. I do have some experience with meeting birth-parents and met my biological father last year for the first time at age 38. We had phone conversations and emails for about a year prior to meeting face-to-face, but that didn't reduce the awkwardness. The fact is, it will be awkward. Fortunately you have three little ones to keep everyone distracted!

Can you plan any activities for the weekend, something to put on the agenda? One thing I found uncomfortable was the sensation that I was always on stage, everyone watching for my reaction. Will Steve be meeting him for the first time alone? I preferred to do it that way to sort of lessen the drama.

Anyway. Good luck to you both.

[FlippyO]

Just pretend that Steve's birth father is just another blogger that you haven't met, but have exchanged emails with and you'll be fine. Uh, I think. I don't know anything about this, other than my niece is adopted and met her birth mother a few years ago. It went well, but I don't think they've kept in touch; however, Steve is a bit more grown up than my, kind of immature, niece. I do think Patrick will provide adequate comic relief...or, if Steve's birth father is interested in math or physics or astronomy, educational relief.

The twins are so cute. Edward looks so much like Patrick, which is a bit weird for me to even notice since I've only seen a few pictures of Patrick. I guess he has a memorable face.

As for offering wine over actual drink drinks - perhaps try to find one with the highest alcohol content. Or hey, he was a young man in the 60's, right? Maybe he'd like a joint instead. You'll soon be giggling away, eating copious snacks, and playing video games. It'll be swell.

[Pam L]

No experience meeting birth-parents but we did have people in our house a little while ago I had never met before. Luckily there WAS wine, lots of wine actually, before dinner, during dinner, after dinner. My DH makes wine and had heard these people, parents of the wife of an old friend of my DH that he hadn't seen in 30 years, are wine enthusiasts who travel just to drink wine in other countries. And of course, it was only one evening, not an entire weekend. Oh yeah, use the kids as buffers, people totally love that, especially when they are somehow related to the cuties. Patrick's poetry ideas crack me up. He is, he IS toying with you and your emotions. What a card!

[moo]

Is it wrong that I think the hat is cuter on Edward than on Caroline?

[Christine]

Caroline started rolling from her back to her stomach a day after her four month appointment and now it is all she wants to do. Back-stomach-back-stomach-back... flip flip flip. Today she went from her back to her stomach to her back again, but this time it was a 360. She rolled and wound up under the couch and then snorted in amusement. Very ladylike. She also studies her hands like a stoner every chance she gets. Edward likes to be on his side and he likes to suck his fingers (or the socks that cover his fingers; he's not finicky) and he likes to screech. He can see faces and I think he can see expressions but I am not entirely sure that he can see details in things. I do know that every time I walk into a room his entire body tenses and then quivers with excitement and pleasure and I don't think I will ever get tired of that.

Caroline sounds like Boo. It's a crapshoot how we're going to find him positioned in the morning now that he can roll over. He's loving his new trick.

[Catizhere]

Edward looks a lot like Patrick.

They are beautiful.

[Pam L]

P.S. The hat; on Caroline a sassy little topper for a garden outing,on Edward a cute little fisherman's hat. Rolling was my #1 son's favorite thing to do. He would do it in ever widening circles around the family room often getting stuck under things. When he started crawling he would crawl up on to the lower shelf of the end table and get stuck there because the shiny wood gave him no traction. It was pretty funny , but he didn't think so at the time.

[Lisa]

The kids are delicious! Nibble nibble.

[Lisa]

Those babies are delicious! Mmmmm! :)

Good luck this weekend. I look forward to those easy recipes that you can make with one hand...I'm really doubtful...and will Patrick eat the said recipes???

[Lisa]

OK, that was funny that the previous commenter was named Lisa and said practically the same thing about the yummy babes. Too funny.

Lisas enjoy eating human offspring. Beware.

[Lisa in Seattle]

Synchronicity, even. This Lisa was going to say that perhaps you need to keep Patrick away from the computers, as he's obviously reading your Redbook posts!

And nom, nom, nom, on baby cheeks. ;)

[victoria]

Those babies are dang cute. Good luck with your Meet the Parents weekend. Hey, at least you're not pregnant. You can drink, even if they don't.

[ali]

They are scrumptious.

[winecat]

"I just cannot shake the impression that Patrick toys with me for his own amusement."

Perfect Patrickness, keep Mom on her toes.
And the babies beautiful as always. I do agree Edward looks just a bit jauntier with it. Caroline looks as if she's saying you expect me to wear this hat with this outfit?

[Annie]

Not to add to your anxiety, but I know I would be a little put out that they chose Mother's Day weekend to visit...no?

[Ninotchka]

Oh, Julia. They're. just. YUMMY. Good luck this weekend!

[Mandy]

They're gorgeous, I love them!!
(picture of mine up at my site, finally)

As for the birth father thing...my situation wasn't exactly the same as I had met my father before, but hadn't spent more than a couple hours with him since I was 2 and even those couple hour visits were supervised and few and far between.

So, an almost week long visit was a bit scary when he came for my daughter's first birthday.

The kids will help open conversation up a bit. As can questions about family history...especially since he has siblings if I recall correctly and learning about them might help a bit.

If things get awkward, I highly recommend an outing. Ours was the zoo. Lots to talk about when you're looking at monkeys, etc.

My father and I discovered we share a love of reading, but insert any other interest there - there's bound to be something that Steve and his father have in common that they will enjoy talking about - hunting, movies, whatever. I doubt you guys have entertained as much as you have w/out learning the art of asking people questions about their interests. it can go so far.

good luck!

[Pat]

That kid is definitely messing with you!
I like how the hat makes C look like a little church lady while E looks like he's about to go fly fishing.

[Amie]

Sidecar...yum, my personal favorite! Thank God it's time for happy hour!

Good luck this weekend. Cute, cute babies.

[Natalee]

1. Good luck with this weekend.

2. Looking forward to your (always delicious) recipes as I am all about trying new things involving food lately.

3. The children are lovely.

[Rhonda]

Such adorable babies! They are so sweet.

Regarding the "I love Daddy more/I love you best" thing, I think it's pretty normal. I myself have been known to go from "Best. Mommy. EVAR." to "Worst Mommy In The Entire World Who Will Never Be Allowed In My Room Again, Not Even For Night-night Kisses" and then back to "Most Wonderful and Most Huggablest Mommy In the Entire World." Sometimes in the space of an hour.

Don't take any of it personally, neither the highs nor the lows. Just watch the pendulum swing back & forth and laugh when you can.

Have a great Mother's Day!

[Sara]

I guess I must be a closet Lisa, because I think your kids look like tasty treats too.

About toying with you for his own amusement, of course he is! We all do the same thing to our loved ones. Not you? Exhibit A: photograph posted on the internet of Edward in a girly hat. (Adorable, BTW.)

[JuliaKB]

Now that the company is already there, I hope the food and spirits are doing the trick. Or at least that you are liquored up enough not to care. :)

The kids are adorable. THAT, actually, should work even better than food and spirits, no?

[Franay]

My goodness, your children are so beautiful!! I love the things that Patrick says, too.

I very much enjoy your blog and it's plain to see that you have been VERY blessed in your family.

I hope your weekend goes well and that everyone ends up feeling comfortable with each other.

[Elena]

hehehe, I think I know that hat! Baby Gap, right?
also, PLEASE DO post the new one-handed recipes. I've made the oatmeal pancakes and LOVE THEM.

[Liz]

You have 3 children, two of which are twins, and you cook and entertain?! WOW. A good day for me is a shower (and I don't have the 3rd child).

[Dani]

Long-time reader...

I just had to stop by and say:

Happy Mother's Day.

Happy Mother's Day.

Happy Mother's Day.

On your first one as a mom of THREE. :)

[terri c]

Babies delicious. Edward does look like Patrick!!! Re: weekend guests--who cares if THEY drink? YOU can drink. Oh, no, wait--breastfeeding. Drat. Anyhow, just swinging by some favorite Mom blogs to say Happy Mother's Day.

[anonymous]

Oh my god, I am with you on the awkward. This week, my (57 year old) father and (somewhere late forties) stepmother brought their 5 week old firstborn to meet my 5 day old secondborn. (their kid was due a week after mine but was born six weeks early). Oh, and did I mention that my mom was staying with us to help out with the kids? And that my stepmother has for the past several years (for reasons that baffle me, as they have not spoken more than a few polite sentences to each other) refused to be in the same house as my mother? To the point that when they got to my older daughter's birthday party last year and discovered that my mom was there, stepmother had my dad drive her to the movie theater and she stayed there for the next couple hours instead of coming to the party? Before making the two hour drive back to their house? ZOMGWTFBBQ.

But! Everything went swimmingly. Everyone was polite and congratulatory and my brother and I managed to refrain from commenting on how batshit insane dad/stepmother are, or how it is nuts that we have a half sibling 30 years our junior. And we took cute pictures of the kids together and ate and then they went on their merry way. Or as merry as you can be with a squalling preemie.

And then they left and husband commented on how well it went and I promptly burst into tears and cried for an hour because I was so exhausted and relieved.

Good luck and hope all goes smoothly!

Also this is what I served them, which is easy and tasty if it is not too cold to grill things in the Great White North:

~4 lbs chicken breasts and/or thighs (I use boneless and skinless)
2 limes, juiced
2 oranges, juiced
1/2 onion, chopped
4 cloves garlic, quartered
2 tsp salt
2 tsp crushed red pepper
1 tsp allspice
1/2 tsp coarse ground black pepper
1/2 tsp curry powder
1/2 tsp dried thyme
1/4 tsp paprika
1/4 tsp ground ginger
1/4 tsp ground nutmeg
1/4 tsp cayenne

Puree all ingredients in blender. Pour over chicken. Marinate at least an hour but no longer than overnight. Grill chicken. Serve as is or in sandwiches. Chopped up leftovers make a great chicken salad. (you can also put the chicken and marinade into heavy-duty ziplocs and freeze -- the freezing/thawing time is sufficient to marinate the chicken)

[shannon]

When we were in Amsterdam, a million years ago pre-children (our honeymoon in fact), we went to a hoity-toity vegetarian restaurant and Cole had "Asparagus five ways" for dinner.

Cute, cute, cute, cute, cute. Damn. Cute babies you got there.

I am dying to hear how the birhtfather visit goes. Always interested in your stories of Steve'[s reunion experiences as an adoptee...

[shannon]

When we were in Amsterdam, a million years ago pre-children (our honeymoon in fact), we went to a hoity-toity vegetarian restaurant and Cole had "Asparagus five ways" for dinner.

Cute, cute, cute, cute, cute. Damn. Cute babies you got there.

I am dying to hear how the birhtfather visit goes. Always interested in your stories of Steve'[s reunion experiences as an adoptee...

[VirtualSprite]

The kids are adorable, the situation awkward, but I know all will be well. If nothing else, it will turn out to be delicious blog fodder.

I am so glad to see, too, that I'm not the only one who cooks for an army whenever I feel a situation might be going bad. I always figure people can't yell and scream if there's food in their mouths.

[grace413]

The children are adorable.

As an adoptive mother I'm naturally curious about kids meeting birthparents, so I'm looking forward to hearing the story. Hope it went well.

[cullentine]

Please, please do not keep us in suspense for to long. How did it go? What did you cook?

[Sarah from Illinois]

Julia, I SO enjoy seeing your little pumpkins getting so big! Take care of those little miracles, and be well. Best wishes with everything.

[Stephanie]

WOW! They are getting ridiculously big (in a good way!)....weren't you just pregnant?
You grow some pretty babies; love the hat ;-)

How did the weekend go? Hope it was ok.......

[Heather]

Hope your weekend went OK. The babes are adorable and love the story about Patrick trying to love his way into staying up later. My daughter likes to do that too. They know they are soooo cute.

[Billie]

Julia: LOL at Patrick's cards. Last week I was telling my Kindergartener that Sunday is Mother's Day, the day when he gets to tell me how much he loves me and how I'm the best mom in the world. He said, "You don't act like the best mom in the world." Ouch! Got to love their honesty... Billie

[Sarah]

Your description of Caroline sounds like Tare Panda. Cute!
Hope the visit went well.