Gumbo

I knew before I even began my freshman year that I was going to be an English major. I possessed from childhood's earliest hour a laziness that passed beyond mere intellectual lassitude and transcended into the empyrean heights of pure torpescence, so I approached the need for a primary course of study with my usual vigor. Detaching two toes from the branch upon which I was dozing I surveyed possible majors with an eye towards that with which I was already familiar: Anthropology? As if. Biomedical engineering? Hardly. Chemistry, no. Chinese, no. English... why, sakes alive, I've been speaking English practically my entire life! Done and done.

This is why I already knew what my graduation requirements would be the summer before I started and why I was aware that before the dear old school would hand me the sheepskin four years hence they not only needed me to take umpteen classes offered by the department devoted to the study of English Literature (not to be confused with the Writing department which was located down the hall and taught god only knows what to a bunch of chain-smokers;) it was also necessary that I complete twelve credits hours in what were vaguely referred to as The Sciences and more briefly known as N (natural) Q (quantitative) or E (engineering) credits.

First semester freshmen at my school were given the courtesy of taking all classes pass-fail. A kind of "welcome to college thanks for the deposit try your best little buddy" present before they made former valedictorians weep like stupid babies in second semester organic chemistry. Being an above average slacker, I realized that first semester would therefore be a great time for me to knock out some of those dreaded science credits with little or no cost to myself. As someone once said with a completely different meaning about something else all together, when it comes to pass-fail classes, Luke, there is no try.

So I signed up for microeconomics.

I know. I know. You are shaking your head over this is, saying, "Oh, Julia you FOOL. Read the damned catalog, you lazy banana!" Because if I had read the damned catalog I would have realized that economics is not an N, a Q or an E. It's an S science. S for Soft I guess. Or Squishy. But an S is practically an H and - for my purposes - neither fish nor fowl. In any event it was still completely over my head. I never had any idea what was going on. Usually I have a foothold for my ignorance, some point at which I realize I have plunged too far but economics for me was one nonsensical slide after another. There was one graph in particular, something about Guns on one axis and Butter on the other... no. It's too painful. I cannot continue.

And yet I passed. Barely I suppose but still, horseshoes, hand grenades and pass-fail classes.

However, and this was the point that it took me a surprisingly long time to reach, despite having received credit from a reputable university for completing a college-level economics course, it is not surprising that I turned to the nice man next to me at the gas pump today and asked, in a sincere desire for knowledge, "Why in the hell is gas down to $1.67 a gallon?"

He said something soothing and Minnesotan but left me no further along in my understanding of the vagaries of fuel pricing. I am not complaining but wasn't gas over $4 something a few months ago? What happened? It seems odd to me. I'm sure Patrick would have told me if they had recently discovered a new moon, like Chevrona or something, that possesses vast lakes of varying octanes and supply had suddenly whatsited while demand stayed something elsed.

It's weird, right?

You know, I thought if I sat here typing nonsense long enough Caroline would FINALLY go to sleep and I was right. She hasn't yipped in almost five minutes. Alleluia. She has an upset stomach (we were all horribly ill. it was awful. she lingers) and I sympathize but there are times when you want to say, "You know what helps an upset tummy, baby? SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!" And not in a croony way, either. More shrill and vibrato.

Patrick is in my bed (Steve's gone for the night - I have moronically started a tradition that I will never ever be able to live up to with three children. note to self: EXIT STRATEGY.) To keep him in my bed (as opposed to being in my face) until  he falls asleep I bequeathed to him my Calvin and Hobbes treasury and he is losing his little mind in there. He is literally choking on laughter. It must be nice to be six and reading Calvin and Hobbes for the first(ish) time, don't you think? Every - gah! there she goes again. I'll be back. maybe some music? or a throw cat for her crib? a ham sandwich? that sometimes helps me sleep...)

What a surprise. Cricket was delighted to see me. She switched from piteous to ebullient in half a second and could not have been more cordial in her little chirps if I was an old school friend or a rich uncle from Australia...

oh GOD. That reminds me of one of the reasons I wanted to post in the first place. I need suggestions and you always have such good ideas. I need to buy a present - a really great present - for someone with the following circumstances: he is male, early 30s, and he has just sold/stored 99% of his belongings because he is moving (in two days) to New Zealand to attend business school for a couple of years.

Tough, isn't it. But didn't, like, ALL of you move to the Antipodes recently? Any thoughts on something one might need or want or use as a recent transplant? All I know about New Zealand is that it isn't Australia; there are sheep; it looks like the most beautiful place in the world and you can't drive there from here. Or... business school? Man, what did I use in business school? Pens and, um, notebooks and other things akin to clay tabletry.

Let me know if you can think of anything.    

From today. I couldn't figure out what Caroline was doing:

Closer inspection revealed that she had licked a straight line down the glass.

Almost-toddlers are bizarre and I confess that I love the way she looks like the world's tiniest Strongman competitor. Go Cricket. Move that wall.

On that note the children are asleep, I need a sandwich (maybe ham) and I just re-read this post. The only possible way to conclude it is abruptly. So goodnight.

PS Typepad draws my attention with rude red squiggles to the fact that New Zealand is somehow misspelled. I checked it four times. It's right, right? Typepad is crazy, yes?

Comments

[MindyMax]

Yes, I think it's spelled correctly which means TypePad is crazy.

I have no idea what to suggest for a gift...just glad to read ya'll are on the mend.

[Kristin]

Yup...Typepad is crazy. You spelled New Zealand correctly (hell, its saying typepad is misspelled for me).

I love the crazy things kids do. Its so damned much fun to watch them.

[Beth]

Food cravings? I know I bring blocks of cooking chocolate to NZ. Have him send tim-tams backs.

[JuliaKB]

Upset stomach, you say? Funny that I should relate this well... We are in the White Mountains, with a large group of friends, in one humongous house. Last 2 days I think about 1/3 of us did the stomach bug thing. My turn started around 5am this morning. A contraband zofran greatly helped my plight, and now I can even consume some food.

Also, a borrowed Calvin and Hobbes was in possession of my six year old sometime this part summer/fall. She giggled herself silly.

No help from me on the Antipode issue. But the lemon/canary butt in the pictures looks adorable. Just adorable.

[veggiegrrl]

Does he photograph? Maybe a Flickr pro account so everyone can keep up on his adventures pictorially?

[Arbutus]

Probably too much money and not sure they have them back in stock but a Kindle would be perfect for this guy. Barring that a sheep dog maybe? (it's a joke, New Zealand - sheep, I have a cousin over there, never mind)How about a nice Swiss army knife with a USB memory stick as one of the gadgets, my son loves his.

[Hetty Fauxvert]

We moved to France once for a period of one semester (toting a cat, mind you -- one of my more pleasant lunatic experiences), and all I know is that I would have KILLED any friend or relative who gave me anything solid to take along. Because we already had enough baggage to complete the sinking of Venice. If you are sure NZG (New Zealand Guy) will have Internet access, how about a gift card or certificate to some book retailer or some such who is willing to shilp to NZ? I feel sure there will be some book he will need/want during his stay there.

And your littlest weight lifter is priceless. Squat/thrust was never cuter!

[TheLuckyGal]

I moved to Australia in September and when people come to visit me I ask for tinned salsa verde and ROC anti-wrinke cream in the blue tube. Somehow I think neither of these is appropriate. My go-to gift for people hard to shop for is wine, and that would be just silly. What I really needed when we got here was a personal assistant to handle all the crap (setting up accounts, forex, etc. etc. etc.) - again, not really an option. Hmmm. Books? Virtually? Books are REALLY expensive here, and I assume in NZ, too. So much so that I order from Amazon and pay shipping for some. Try this: http://www.fishpond.co.nz/index.php - maybe do an email gift certificate (we say "gift voucher"). Or, for the travel, find out what airport he's going though (LAX?) and get him an admiral's club pass?

[NGS]

Ohhhh...the suggestion of a Kindle is fabulous, but probably not in your budget.

I say send him a box of homemade cookies in the mail every month for the first month or two he's there. He'll love that!!

[KG]

My 30-something husband says, "A LiveScribe Pulse Smart Pen." And he was serious. But he was excited about getting it for Christmas. Our 40-something family friend says "A great digital camera." If that's in your price range, I agree with the camera. Or a Kindle.

[jac]

Give him a stack of stuff he can't get in New Zealand. For example, we don't do cinnamon flavoured stuff, so Big Red or whatever if he likes that. And key point: none of our cereals have marshmallows. Brace yourself. It's true. I live in Australia now, not New Zealand, and nary a marshmallow here either.

Or, even better now that I think of it, tell him to email a shopping list after he's been there for a month and KNOWS what he misses; then buy and send it. Shipping will be a killer to NZ so he will be stoked to have this lifeline. (Stoked = thrilled. I'm helping to acclimatise.)

[Oshee]

I haven't much useful information about gifts. There I am horribly inept.
But..economics...lol
Gas prices are falling because the world no longer has a belief that the United States', nor the world's economy is going to be growing anytime soon. Gas futures go up when there is growth (new industries need energy) and go down when there is expected decline. The further gas drops the more horrid the economic outlook is. Kinda makes you miss $4 a gallon gas doesn't it.

[Veronica]

Wordpress spent today telling me that echidna was misspelled. I think they are biased against things outside of the US/Canada.

[Stephanie]

NOTHING of any weight. Being limited to 100lbs is horrid. Unless it is food - of the coffee/tea or processed foods not in NZ. (New Zealand is spelled correctly too.) NZ biosecurity is very strict. You can bring the aforementioned foods. Girl Scout cookies, peanut butter I have brought through. PB - nothing much good here (except organic).
Shipping takes awhile to NZ and is expensive. Agree with photography equipment. Nice camera or a larger memory card. An extra adapter for outlets. New hiking boots perhaps. Or some sandals, wellie boots. Or nice water repellent type pants. Clothing is expensive here in NZ - in my opinion.
Gift cards - Whitcoull's is a national bookstore. Rough Guide to NZ. or a tramping (hiking) guide. Gift cards to a nice restaurant where he is going. Auckland? Wellington? Christchurch? Dunedin?

[ruth]

I live in London (England), love your blog but never comment.
How 'bout an i-pod/ i-shuffle? you can put some photos of home on there and some favourite tunes. Although he may already have one.

[Gwen]

I was born in NZ and now live i Australia so hopefully i can help! It gets dern cold in most parts -even in parts of Summer, so heavy socks, or gloves, or a hat with the ear cover bits.

Otherwise you can always buy something from an NZ website, the exchange rate makes it pretty affordable. One of my fav sites is www.fishpond.co.nz which is books, music and dvds. Or it's a loooong flight! so if he's a reader books would be great, but the weight limit can hamper that.

[Joy]

I know what the problem with the word, New Zealand. Typepad spells it A-u-s-t-r-a-l-i-a ;-)

[TeeBee]

even if it is in your budget, the wireless download for kindle does not work outside of the U.S.

[tgsdmom]

First of all, I am happy to learn that you all feel better.

I too like Calvin and Hobbes and I can tell you it was nice reading it for the first time at 40+.

A present? Does he have a laptop? Would he like a backpack designed for carrying a laptop? Perhaps a portable memory device such as a flash memory (you can find 8G at reasonable prices, I think) to backup some digital data?

Good night. It's 2am here, and unlike you I have no good excuses for staying up.

[tgsdmom]

P.S.
My first guess was that Caroline was studying her reflection in the glass. Could she have been tasting the reflection?

[kathleen999]

If he already has an ipod, buy him an Apple iTunes store gift certificate. He can store it on his email, no addition to luggage!

[Arbutus]

True that the wireless feature on Kindle does not work outside of the U.S. but you can still download from the Amazon site using the USB port. I just thought this should be clarified.

[aliceaustralia]

I second the adapter for NZ power points/outlets idea. Cheap, portable, and useful!

also, definitely get him to sent you tim tams, the double coat variety are my favourite.

cheers, alice.

[Tarah]

Hi Julia,

I was sent to your blog by a few friends of mine. I just found out that I have a BT and was wondering if you had some free time to contact me.

I've had 2 losses and we're gearing up for another cycle in February. I have gone back to the beginning of your blog and I have to say that I enjoy reading it. I love your sense of humor and wanted to thank you for putting yourself out there.

Your children are beautiful, btw! Hope to chat with you soon.

Tarah

[Alli]

A care package to go: dramamine, advil, tylenol, neosporin, immodium. Maybe I'm a little hypo but it's good to have familiar products in an unfamiliar place.

[rosie_kate]

My 3 1/2 year old busts a gut for Calvin and Hobbes and he can't even read yet! Something about a little boy with a mega-imagination appeals to imaginative little boys...

[Heather]

We recently trekked from suburban to urban for a shopping venture, and for the block that I let my 15 m old down to walk, she kept running to the windowsills (at least it wasn't the street) to BITE them. Toddlers are funny. There wasn't even any candy canes or sugar plums in the window displays.

[Laura]

Yea Patrick!! Calvin and Hobbes is the best! I introduced my daughter to it at 6 as well. She has read the two books I purchased for her time and time again. I've promised to let her borrow my complete collection -- problem is that it has been in boxes somewhere in the basement since we moved in 10 plus years ago. I can't wait until my own little Calvin --oops I mean Colin -- can read it as well.

[Heather O]

Havent read all the other suggestions so I hope it isnt a repeat...

Digital photo keychain. Very small, won't count towards the airline weight since its on his keys and he can bring photos of his friends and family from home.

There are cheap ones too ($30).

Caroline is adorable adorable adorable. (as are all your kids, but todays licking the glass photo kills me)

[Jackie]

Gift for someone moving?? MONEY! Easy to pack, and they can buy what they need when they get there!

[Celeste]

Love Calvin & Hobbes and totally forgot about all of my books. Thanks, have got to dig them up for my boy!

Gift ideas:
Something involving a camera, lens or film, maybe a digital frame?

A really nice leather journal

An iPod - music is awesome

The first season of "Flight of the Conchords"

[Lori]

Hey, by any chance did you go to Johns Hopkins? Sounded familiar but maybe those are just typical college-y type requirements. For my science credits, I opted for "History of Dinosaurs" which featured a coffee table book as a text.

[Catherine]

Clearly she was smooching the cute baby in the window.

As for what to get - maybe the pro subscription to flikr so he can post all his fantastic pictures of his adventure?

[cooler*doula]

I thought it looked like she was doing a plie/ballet knee-bend thing.

Kindle doesn't work outside US - at least when it comes to wireless downloading of books which frankly, is its finest feature.

I liked the photo account idea.

[Jan]

Second the camera. Or, if he doesn't have any, a really good pair of binoculars, at least 50 diameter. The width of the lenses is as important as the magnification. Also, wider lenses gather more light, and can be used for night sky viewing, if he's into that. I assume the star viewing is amazing there.

[Gillian]

I think Caroline was just exploring the feel/taste of glass -- cool,smooth and (when using your tongue) amazingly slippery.

I second the idea of waiting a month and receiving a shopping list. I would present the shopping list form with return postage. I spent some months in Greece and had no idea the odd things I would long for once I was there for a bit.

[beyond]

you should give him something he won't have to carry/move there. (or something really small) an amazon voucher for books? dollars on his itunes account? movie/ theater/ restaurant/ bookshop voucher in the city he's moving to? internet makes all this stuff easier...

[a]

First, microeconomics and the current price of gas have nothing to do with one another. The commodities traders and the hedge funds have bilked all they can out of the oil market and have moved on to destroy another industry somewhere.

Second, I agree with sending stuff (baked goods or things he can't get) to your friend later. Care packages are the best!

Third, my 2 year old has taken to licking things. Don't know why. She's supposed to be past that stage by now

Finally. The end (how's that for an abrupt ending?)

[Steph]

My niece was in England for a semester . . she was very happy that we sent her off with some English currency. I would think a visa/american express gift card would be great. (Unless he is wealthy . . then who needs money??)
Love your stories and the pics of your kids.

[Amy C]

It will be a very long flight - maybe noise cancelling headphones?

[tea.]

sunscreen - we're in the middle of summer at the moment. boring but PRACTICAL!

great big stocks of american candy, we can't get most of it over here. find out where he's staying and ship it there before he leaves, it will take at least 2 weeks to get here, possibly 3 - so when he just starts to miss it, viola! huge box of candy arrives in the mail!

second the itunes gift cert though, for something to listen to on the plane.

[Brenda]

I have found that most foreigners find it colder than expected here. We don't do central heating so well and in winter houses are pretty cold on the inside. In other words, you could buy him thermal underwear and I am sure he would use it. I'm a born and bred kiwi and I wear it indoors and out in the winter :-)

[Carrie]

I second noise-cancelling headphones. He will love them for the flight and when he gets settled and needs quiet to study (no need for music; just make everyone else's noises go away).
I thought your little peanut was getting a jumpstart on her New Year's resolution and getting her daily squats in!

[terri c]

I have no idea on the gifts. Caroline is way too adorable! And, gas prices? I say, follow the money--no matter what is happening, SOMEONE is making money off it.

[Pretty Jane]

Laughed til I cried. Wish I could help re: business school but stymied on what they know on a teensy Pacific island (archipelago?) that we don't know here. Am off to lick a line down our backdoor and see if it makes ME stronger.

[Melinda]

I completely support the iTunes gift certificate suggestion.

Also, I keep meaning to pop over and tell you how much I appreciate you mentioning the Bilibo a few weeks back. I got one for my 3 yr old neice and she LOVED it. (Though maybe not as much as the gift bag it was wrapped in...but 3 yr olds...they're sketchy like that.)

[Quelly Turney]

What a great post... your reflections had me on the edge of my seat--been there!

[jenny]

Along the lines of the Swiss army knife suggestion (do they really make one with a memory stick - good on the swiss army!), how about a Leatherman (multi-tool gizmo)? Or some salsa. My sister lives in Dunedin and says it's impossible to get good Mexican food there.

[Laura]

Buy him stocks of any American toiletries he might need: contact solution, especially, if he wears them. His favorite shampoo. Ditto toothpaste. You can find the stuff in New Zealand, of course, but the imported stuff at the drugstores there is INSANELY expensive.

[beth]

I love the noise-cancelling headphones-- I have a relatively cheap (cheaper than Bose) Sony set that I LOVED when I traveled and still use religiously at work. Include a pack of AAA batteries as well.

The other idea I had that I didn't see mentioned is international calling card! Unless he's of the VOIP type, and heck, even then having a regular backup wouldn't hurt.