Sweetness, I Was Only Joking

One minute Edward was sitting here eating oranges (confession: they were mandarin oranges in light syrup and therefore 137% sugar and I don't care; I like 'em) and the next he had slumped over in his seat having fallen into a gentle doze. This was a little odd since it wasn't even noon yet and they are in the habit of taking just one nap in the afternoon, but whatever. You don't have to tell me twice. Putting Edward down for a nap is thing of beauty and a joy everlasting. It is never too early or too light or too repetitive for him to go sleep. He just grabs his blanket and rolls over. I love that about Edward. Caroline is much less agreeable under identical circumstances. She complains. She kvetches. She throws everything out of her crib and then howls because she has nothing in her crib. I would say a good third of the time she fails to nap entirely and then she is a gibbering irritating mess by about four thirty.

So I put Edward down yesterday and he promptly fell asleep. Patrick had disappeared into the basement after breakfast so it was just me and Cricket. She seemed happy to play in my room so I got dressed and - as she was still trying to coax the cat from under the bed once I was done - washed my face. When I finished hanging up the towel she was gone. One lousy baby to keep track of and I lost her in less than two minutes. I mean, really lost her because she wasn't in the living room or Steve's office or the kitchen or the laundry room... . I got a little panicky because, well, lord, the baby was missing but then I noticed that the bottom corner of the gate blocking the stairs had been pried loose leaving a Caroline-sized opening behind. Menace Girl strikes again. I found her sitting on Patrick's bed (it's a low, low bed - I bought the shortest one I could find because I was worried that Patrick would move out of his crib and break his legs falling out of a big boy bed; you know, I was really crazy) with a marker in each hand. In a story (most likely a picture book called 'Bad Baby') she would have written all over the walls and her face; but the truth is that she was just sucking on the caps and looking out the window. When I walked in the door she gave me a how-clever-am-I look and then crawled to the edge of the bed, flipped herself around and dropped off the side feet first. She's naughty but she's competent.

You would think with all of Caroline's climbing she would have mastered walking a couple of months ago, but no. She can take a few steps but it is not her preferred mode of transport. She's more like a duck: terrific with the vertical movement but herky-jerky on the ground. Of course, who needs the ground when there is all that sky?

  

I like this series for two reasons: Edward in the background looking like a scholarly monk ignoring a circus act; and Caroline's sublime Everest expression at the end.

I don't think of them as being twins, although even as I type that I realize I am not sure exactly how I define twinness and in what sense I feel Caroline and Edward miss the mark. I don't think it's just the fact that one is an apple and one is an orange (boy/girl; dark/fair; tall/short; bookish/athletic; sleeper/non-sleeper; eats alot; eats alittle.) I suppose I've always assumed (perhaps more romantically than accurately) that twins have some kind of mystical connectedness that other people sense but cannot fully understand; whereas Caroline and Edward are like two babies who became housemates via craigslist. They get along fine but Caroline has to keep writing her name on the soy milk because although Edward prefers it; it is HERS. Meanwhile Edward wonders if it would kill her to just hand over the remote control the first time he grabs for it; it's such a hassle to have to keep stealing things repeatedly.

Speaking of soy milk, have you ever tasted this stuff? It's liquid candy. I like sweet. In fact, I regularly add another spoonful of sugar to everything Steve swears is already coma-inducing but... wow. This is SWEET. No wonder Edward keeps trying to switch cups with Caroline. The problem is that within two hours of consuming cow's milk Caroline spontaneously combusts in the most revolting of ways. Every time. At our last pediatric appointment I told the doctor that Cricket has an obvious sensitivity to dairy and is it ok to just put her on soy? He looked skeptical with my layparent's assessment, even after I told him that my brother has never been able to tolerate milk and my mother's father had a full-blown milk allergy... surely this represents a familial trend? He told me to take her off it for a month and then try again. I was, like, um, ooookkkkkkkk but... . We tried milk again and I am tempted to send him the dry-cleaning bill. I'm just saying is all. Of course - to return to my original point - my attempts to keep her from cow's milk for thirty days have been repeatedly thwarted by Edward's two cup monte; so maybe the experiment was invalid?

Yesterday I woke up late after a crappy night (thank you Caroline.) Steve was in the livingroom with the children.

"Watch this," he said and he tossed Edward up into the air. Edward did the joyful baby hooting with joy thing but I was not struck but how happy he was. I was struck by...

"Oh my god he looks just like Farrah Fawcett," I said.

"Yeah, that's what I thought," Steve said.

Seriously. Maybe Leif Garrett. But seriously.

 

He needs a haircut. Or a Bedazzler. Work those feathers, disco baby.

Patrick was invited to a sleepover birthday party and I twittered about it for a couple of days. Would he, wouldn't he, should he, shouldn't he... I could have saved myself a lot of grief if I had realized that Patrick's seeming uncertainty was for my benefit. When I called my friend the morning of the party to say that I was pretty sure Patrick was going to come home after the dinner she said, "Oh yeah, he already told my son that he was coming for the party but he wasn't going to spend the night. They're cool." I was, like, oh, right, good. Fine then. I felt like a dope.

Steve does this in restaurants. The waitress says, "Do you want another beer?" and Steve always says, "Not just yet" when he means "No. I am done drinking beer for the night. I will not require any more beer this evening. Feel free to forget about my possible beverage needs for the remainder of our time here." I think he has some misplaced sense that it is more polite to be vague? Or maybe it's some latent commitment phobia and he is afraid that if he says that he is done but changes his mind later he will be unable to do so? Like if he says "I think I will have another beer after all since my wife seems to have grabbed the wine bottle with both hands and is not sharing" the waitress will look dismayed and confess that when he said he was done the first time they took an axe to all the kegs and the last of the beer is gurgling down the waste pipe as she speaks. As someone who waited tables for seven years I always want to smack Steve when he does this - you keep a checklist in your head when you wait tables and the goal is to work your way down the list crossing things off until the check is paid. When someone gives you a question mark rather than a nice completion it screws up your rhythm - you have to keep going back at random to see if they want another damned beer or not.

I have noticed - and forgive me, my fellow Land o Lakers, perhaps this is not a regional trait; it's just that I have only seen it here - that when I invite Minnesotans to a dinner or something they frequently have a hard time saying no when they mean no. Instead they say, "Well, we have a hockey game and a boy scout meeting and an out-of-town wedding but we'll try to make it!" Which is - again, forgive me - worse than fucking useless. Prudence indicates that you only cook for people who might reasonably be expected to attend but you don't want to have to split a chicken breast three ways if hockey, the boy scouts, and the wedding all get canceled.

Cripes where was I? Oh. Patrick had no intention on spending the night but his innate Minnesotanness combined with his nature/nurtured Steveness and prevented him from telling me so in straightforward fashion. I see from his backpack that he has just been invited to yet another birthday with yet another sleepover addendum for next weekend and this time I plan to just accept on his behalf for cake only. Save me a lot of fussing.   

I had a little time this weekend so I poked around Facebook again. Like I told you, my entire Facebook world begins and ends with people I knew in grade/junior high/high school and it is interesting to see where people wound up. Pleasant. Nostalgic. And the photos people saved are great. I am embarrassed to admit this because the one great truism of fashion is that everything looks ridiculous twenty years later; but I think outfits circa 1988 are kinda awesome. Not MINE I hasten to clarify as I have been wearing jeans and solid colored tshirts since birth but I was looking at some old photos last night and the ripped tights and short skirt with The Cramps shirt and the kente cloth hat and leather jacket? Still looks cool to me.

Oh dear. Maybe I have no fashion sense. What a blow.

I am amused by how easily I can slip back twenty years and feel pretty much the same way I did at the time. I got friended by one of my great high school loves (I accepted, naturally) and as I scrolled through his existing friends my teeth clicked together when I saw a profile for the girl for whom he dumped me. TWICE, as I recall. He broke up with me TWICE in order to more fully slather her with devotion. I glared at the screen and tried to decide if the teeny tiny profile picture her is prettier than the teeny tiny profile picture me.

"Oh shut up," I said as Steve walked into the kitchen.
"What? What did I do?" he asked.
"Oh you fucking men with your fucking MIRANDAS."

And then you have the people who have had exactly as much time as I have had since graduating high school and yet they have used the interval to become interesting. So what have you been up to Julia? I have three children, I live in Minnesota and there is no textile manufactured from which I cannot remove cat vomit. Fascinating! And you? I put my life on the line every day to protect famous people from stalkers; see my gun and my expensive sunglasses?

Not only is it a time suck; it is making me feel like a complete loser.

PS He friended Miranda before he friended me. BASTARD.

Comments

[beyond]

ha! Farrah Fawcett! i can see it a bit though...
i think 80s hair styles were worse than 80s outfits, and i think most trends become fashionable once again after 20 years. but what do i know, i usually wear black.

[~Monkey]

If we were to want to follow you on twitter...how might we do that?

[Lisame]

Try vanilla soy milk. It is the elixir of the gods!

[Patti]

Oh, it's not just folks up your way. I have a good friend myself (I'm in the DC area) who often behaves similarlly. It's exhausting... "Oh, I'll be over right after work. After I go home. And then to the gym. And then drive around the beltway when I only sort of know where I'm going. And I'll get there before the kids get to bed and play with them and generally help you out while your husband's out of town!" To which I want to say, "Aren't you over committing yourself? You know what time they get to bed... if you're going to the gym after work, there's no way you're getting here before they get to bed." And sure enough, she either comes after I've finished putting them down, or something ELSE comes up and she's not there at all. Just telling me no would have been in some ways kinder. Although she does bring cupcakes when she can, so that makes many things better.

[Beth]

I feel your pain about the great high school love... my John married a "larger variety" lady (courtesy of his profile picture on Facebook). I am sure she is a saint of some sort in her own right...but dammit I am thin, charming(read: sarcastic) and was certain he walked on water when we dated and he dropped me like a hot rock over several years...what the hell?? (Yipes... I thought I was happily married with children... this Facebook rant is contrary to fact... whoops) Crushes are exactly as they are described... CRUSHING. You are not alone on this one.

[T]

Babies as adorable as ever. I love the monk comment RE Edward... so true. He looks oh-so-studious.

As a former waitress, the non-committal to future beer would tick me off!!

One more comment... I used to live in the Midwest (land of politeness) and would have to say "Oh, you sound busy... don't even try to make it! We'll look forward to seeing you next time."

I hate those teeny photos of facebook! Not very conducive to stalking. :)

[Gillian]

I understand that in Japan it is considered insulting to say no directly. They will do the same blathering with a 'Perhaps tomorrow' response for a requested flight connection that does not actually exist at all.

I adore those babies. You are right. They seem to have just shared a taxi to save on the fare. I expect that as they grow, no one will ask if they are twins, only which one is older.

Your writing is so compellingly wonderful that I check your blog and redbook every day for updates. Bet none of your school buds can claim that.

[b]

Hi! I lurk! My first daughter was the EXACT same w/ dairy, even when she was nursing and I consumed dairy I paid dearly. At any rate. . . . it is really hard to find a soy milk with as much fat as the whole cows milk that is recommended so if Caroline's doc starts to recommend that you "fatten her up" by feeding her crappy high fat foods like ours did, you know who you can come complain to about doctors. ;)

Let's see, while I'm at it Edward is a doll (I could never cut those curls) and I totally hear you on the Facebook.

[Elizabeth]

I get "housewife ennui" looking at friends' Facebook profiles on occasion. Oh, look, someone who I was in grad school with five years ago is "director for public policy" at a major lobbying firm. And that woman from high school works to help communities in Africa find sustainable ways to maintain potable water supplies. And I? I change diapers and build with Legos and fix dinner. I mean, I'm happy doing what I'm doing, but I start to get a bit of a complex if I pay too much attention to what other people are doing.

[Alison]

What a jerk! This is one more reason why I don't want to be on Facebook.

Twitter, on the other hand...would you mind sharing your twitter name so I can follow you?

[Pam L]

If it were me, the odds of my son changing his mind about sleepovers when he thought about how much fun he missed would be 3/1 as soon as I rsvpd for cake only.

[Jenn]

I officially quit facebook today! There is a reason why high school reunions only last 3 days and why I haven't been talking to these people for the last 15 years! The last straw was when I logged in this morning and found dozens of my classmates congratuating one gal for her son accepting Jesus into his heart as his personal savior. (She had posted it in her status.) Her son is three. Out!

[cursingmama]

You are correct in your assessment of Minnesotans, we do have a very difficult time saying "No". I believe it may have something to do with hotdish consumption.

When Gameboy was a baby he reacted poorly to milk, but rather with the exact opposite results that you seem to be faced with. When ThePrincess was born we instructed the nurses that she was to have soy based formula - under no circumstances was cows milk to get anywhere near that precious baby. When they (not our pediatrician mind you) balked and wanted to give milk a try we told them to prepare themselves for a very long awful night with her because she would not be welcome in my room.
I won.

[Sarah]

My ex refused to add me because he said his wife wouldn't let him. I don't think my profile pic particularly makes me look like a husband-stealing, marriage-wrecking fox, so I'm guessing he just wants to let the past be the past. Fair enough. He's an ex for a reason

I'm suspecting you mean twittered in the good ol' fashion sense of throwing out random comments to the laundry basket/cat/general universe rather than... rather than... what is it? microblogging? I just joined twitter, but I can't for the life of me figure out what's going on, which is maybe for the best. Like you, I have to ration myself on Facebook. I imagine I could lose weeks in twitter.

Now I know how Joan of Arc felt...

[winecat]

I think you should contact Cirque du Soleil. I'm sure they have a position for Caroline.

Please, please, please don't cut Edward's curls they are beyond adorable.

I'd also like your twitter name if your willing to share

[azita]

Ah, The Smiths! :) Your posts are consistently delightful in many unexpected ways. Now I have the song stuck in my head.

[Ann E. Mouse]

You could always defriend him. And if he's shallow like me, he'll see that his number went down by one but it doesn't tell him who defriended him and he'll have to wrack his brain wondering who doesn't love him anymore. He can have his Miranda and you can have your revenge. Tiny, miniscule, barely noticeable revenge.

[Elaine at Lipstickdaily]

Just came across your blog and was going to skip it because I thought the post was too long (I know, I have a limited attention span), but you kept me the whole time. My pet peeve is PEOPLE WHO CAN'T SAY NO. Just say no already, I'm a big girl, I can handle it! Anyway, thanks!

[Carrie]

Do not cut those locks! He will suddenly look like a Big Boy and you can never get that baby-look back.

[Esther]

Don't give Edward a hair cut! He is so adorable. There. I said it.

My first boyfriend is now gay. I found that out on Facebook, and after he friended me? He UNFRIENDED me. WTF? Double, maybe even triple rejection. Makes me feel like I'm in high school all over again! (In other words, I feel your pain.)

[Toni]

That's the amazing thing about Facebook. You really NEVER know what you're going to get. Although I do like hearing about people and how much they have changed. Pothead in college - now you have two kids and a real job. Totally straight arrow in high school - now you're roaming Asia looking for your soul. Very interesting.

[Mrs. G]

I've noticed that there are a million soy milk options, all with different levels of sweetness. Vanilla soy milk is def. the sweetest and the costco one actually has less sugar(s?) in it than regular milk. We also have had good luck with lactose free milk. I started to worry about the kid having two much soy (estrogen, early puberty, blah blah blah).

[Corie]

Julia, I was laughing through that entire post. And your kids seem to get cuter every day. I love Caroline's pigtails, and I can't get over Edward's curls!!

As for the Facebook thing and the people who have gotten interesting since high school, you might be surprised at what they think about you. For example, I was valedictorian of my high school class, got a degree in nuclear engineering in four years, have gone on to be what some people would consider to be pretty successful in my field, and I got married in 2007. But I'm completely jealous of the girls from my high school class that live in the same city where we graduated and settled down and had families. So don't beat yourself up too much, if that's what you're doing.

And the ex that I'm most upset with married his Miranda.

[Karen]

Ugh. Facebook. I do it, too. All of us who are in your, ahem, age demographic, think you are a great success. Who would want a Blackberry filled with dull appointments when you can have many dozen adoring fans on the internet?

Your children are adorable, as you already know. And your writing is fabulous, as you probably love (and still need) to hear. It's true!

P.S. Re: The Smiths--How about "Everyday is like Sunday" yet somehow that's not a good thing? Sigh. I will put on my black clothes, now.

[Christiana]

Maybe Miranda friended him and he friended you?

I remember having an 80's night a couple years ago and doing my hair in the "mall bangs" style for the event. I remember thinking "hey! That looks pretty good!" I think I kinda like the big hair thing (on some people) or maybe it's just the growing up in that era thing.

And trust me, Julia, you are amazingly interesting.

[Elaine]

Yes, that refusal you cite is VERY Japanese. And also, from my experience of Minnesotans (mother's side), very Minnesotan. Probably one reason that I had very little trouble adapting to life in Japan; with two Midwestern parents, I'd already learned the habits!

[tgsdmom]

Julia, are you are in need of a boost to your self esteem?

I am willing to declare that you have created the best blog on the web and that you are much loved by your fans. When you decide to publish your first book, just notify us. I promise to buy!

You don't just have three children. You have three healthy wonderful children. At least one is objectively amazing. They might be considered three long term projects that you are still working on :-).

Also, I suppose you should be happy Miranda filled in for you so you could maybe try other things and end up with a very sweet Steve.

BTW, that was a lively lovely post.

[surcey]

send along some twitter ID love.

[Elizabeth_K]

Thank you for reason 976 why I will not return to Facebook ... ugh. Also --- I am not compelled to say this on any other blog, but each and every time you post ... man, you blow me away. Your witty asides, your chattiness, your adorable babies. Have you already blown off DC? I don't think I'd have much to offer you, but I'd love to sit with you at coffee and giggle at your every witticism.

[Jan]

Edward infant face smiley =Patrick infant face grouchy! That one of him in one of your first posts, in a blue sleeper, hand stuffed into his mouth. Caroline's skin looks great these days. Do you connect that with dairy, lack of?

[llcsis]

1st kid no milk issues. 2nd kid (son) couldn't even handle supplementing with milk based formula. Then I tried milk when he was over a year - same puking results. Finally I managed to convince him that Edensoy Extra (vanilla) was my (desperately desired) coffee due to the similar color.

For years he staggered down the stairs in the morning croaking "coffee, coffeeeeee" (meaning warm soy milk). Laughed everyday. Oh, for the record, ridiculously healthy kid in every way and bones like rocks - I think the soy was probably better for him than milk anyway.

F-ing Mirandas. Did you see the movie Serenity? The name Miranda was used for a cursed planet of death, how appropriate.

Thanks for a long post to make me laugh this morning, I woke up and within seconds had knocked over a huge mirror and broken it. I stood there in the dark, holding the dog back from jumping into the glass, staring bleary eyed across the mess at the bathroom, needing intensely to pee - and thought; today's gonna be a Bad One. Hide.

BTW - Just noticed that, early puberty w/ soy? Nah that must mean girls w/ milk that has hormones - right? In any case, my almost 13 yr old soy-based son just started growing underarm hair this year - I think that's probably right on schedule, certainly not early. Wouldn't he just DIE to know I posted that?

[Reese]

PS He friended Miranda before he friended me. BASTARD.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA!!! I had a recent Facebook experience EXACTLY like that. *snort* Do you ever friend followers of your blog?

[Nancy]

You are still the funniest writer on the internet!

[LeftLeaningLady]

Facebook: Because High School wasn't hard enough the first time.

I MISS big hair. I have great hair that does BIG hair wonderfully and I wish wish wish it would come back.

I think no matter what we have accomplished, it always appears that someone else has done more with less and in a cooler manner. I have a love/hate thing going on with Facebook.

[Cybele]

I laughed out loud at Miranda.

I have been hanging on to this little gem for a few weeks now without anyone to share it with but now seems like the best publicly anonymous moment I am going to find. You know how you can suggest friends? the love-of-my-high-school-life was suggested by the girl he cheated on me with. charming. I was filled with 15 year old rage. Literally- rage that I had when I was 15 , fifteen years ago.

Men and their damn MIRANDAS!

[Amy]

Ah Facebook, I love it and I hate it. I've managed to reconnect with some very good lost friends, but I also have to deal with my spouse connecting with VERY good lost friends. Such as the long-lost love of his life, with whom he has the deepest emotional connection he has ever had or ever will (as I have been told). Stupid Facebook.

As for your babies, they are adorable. Please don't cut Edward's curls, they are too cute, enjoy them :) And Caroline! Those pigtails, and that climbing! I loved how proud she was of climbing into the shopping cart.

I love reading your blog. It's my favorite of the ones I follow. Don't worry about the Mirandas of the world. You have three beautiful children, a loving husband, and a very popular blog.

[Amy]

Ah Facebook, I love it and I hate it. I've managed to reconnect with some very good lost friends, but I also have to deal with my spouse connecting with VERY good lost friends. Such as the long-lost love of his life, with whom he has the deepest emotional connection he has ever had or ever will (as I have been told). Stupid Facebook.

As for your babies, they are adorable. Please don't cut Edward's curls, they are too cute, enjoy them :) And Caroline! Those pigtails, and that climbing! I loved how proud she was of climbing into the shopping cart.

I love reading your blog. It's my favorite of the ones I follow. Don't worry about the Mirandas of the world. You have three beautiful children, a loving husband, and a very popular blog.

[Amy]

Ah Facebook, I love it and I hate it. I've managed to reconnect with some very good lost friends, but I also have to deal with my spouse connecting with VERY good lost friends. Such as the long-lost love of his life, with whom he has the deepest emotional connection he has ever had or ever will (as I have been told). Stupid Facebook.

As for your babies, they are adorable. Please don't cut Edward's curls, they are too cute, enjoy them :) And Caroline! Those pigtails, and that climbing! I loved how proud she was of climbing into the shopping cart.

I love reading your blog. It's my favorite of the ones I follow. Don't worry about the Mirandas of the world. You have three beautiful children, a loving husband, and a very popular blog.

[Tricia]

My ex and I exchanged exactly THREE pleasantries back and forth over a two month period. When I wrote back to him to wish him and his family a Happy Thanksgiving (again, he initiated HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY first) I responded in kind.
The next morning, I had a nasty gram from his wife telling me I already had a husband and should kindly stay away from her man. Five minutes later, she removed his profile from Facebook and nobody has ever heard from him since. SO glad he broke my heart and cheated on me multiple times, guess he never stopped! I mean, I ONLY said Happy Thanksgiving!

[Mandy]

I love Edward's hair and will be sad when it is cut. My son's hair isn't as long and already my husband is making comments about cutting it. I'm not ready. ha ha.

I could relate so well to your comment about Caroline climbing but not doing much walking. Joseph will climb anything, but has yet to master walking. I don't know that it's exactly logical for me to expect walking would somehow guarantee more safety in his climbing antics, but I can't help but think he'd be a little more stable if he did these things in a different order.

He cares not.

[Judy Collins]

Where's are the recipes!! I soaked my oats in buttermilk (know that part by heart), but the recipe is gone!! What are you trying to do to me?!?!

[cooler*doula]

I bet you're serving Vanilla Soy milk. That stuff is delicious. The plain stuff is wretched. If I'm right, and you switch, surreptitious cup swapping will surely end.

[Jennie]

When I first opened a Facebook account, I too felt feelings of inadequacy when looking through what I thought were the much more exciting profiles of old friends. Why am I not attending a '70s themed party at a french Chateaux on New Year's Eve? Why am I not playing in a rock band or designing textiles for a living?

I'm happy to say that the feeling passed.

Why is being a mother an inferior fate in life? Why do we believe this? I think that doing all I can to make sure that my child grows up to be a considerate, well-adjusted human being is an extremely important and challenging job...right?

[punchanella]

regardless of what her tiny picture looks like compared to yours, i think it's fair to assume that you're SO much smarter...

[Crystal]

It's fascinating to me that the twin not only looks like one parent or the other, but has a personality more like the one they resemble. Our borrowed twins are the same. Yet Mini-Steve has your allergy.

Really, it's not that surprising, but with singletons you don't have that direct comparison to who's genes went were, right? But with two at the same age at the same time it's an impressive study in genotypes and phenotypes.

BTW, my nemesis is Melody. And apparently she's some kind of freaking saint. She sure looks saintly. Melody. How sweet.

That said my hubs finally had the epiphany that she wasn't all that or a bag o'chips. But I still shudder at the word Melody. Maybe the correct word is sneer.

Funny that his first love was Melody, his second was a stripper that made me want to crawl across hot coal on my belly (think young Kate Moss, with a Fergie on her wedding day figure). My G-d she was lovely. But alas, she was devious, and my true love finds that particularly abhorrent, so he settled for me. Poor chump.

Life is an odd journey, no?

[Chi-An]

Not to rain on everyone's parade, but could y'all please stop using Miranda's name in vain? My daughter is named Miranda, she's sweet, friendly, charming, never broken anyone's heart nor stolen anyone's boyfriend. Yet. She's only two, after all. But it's still jabbing small pointy things into me to read y'all trashing Miranda.

[Katie]

Sweetness. Sweetness, I was only joking when I said at night you should be bludgeoned in your bed.

[Jana]

...and now i know how joan of arc felt! awesome Smiths tie-in.

[Libby]

1. This post is one of your best, ever.
2. Try Vanilla Soy Milk. It's nirvana in a cup.
3. This is why I love/hate Facebook. So good to reconnect with old dear friends, so easy to feel inadequate. Gah! But don't feel that way Julia. You rock the internet, you have gorgeous healthy children and Steve is a dead ringer for a young Pierce Brosnan (the Reminton Steel years). Screw that old boyfriend and his Miranda!
4. Please don't hate the name Miranda as that is what I named my sweet baby girl!