All About A Girl

Back to Caroline's chest lump:

Before the doctor started examining Caroline for swampy ears he asked how she has been, in general, since her last visit. This gave me the opportunity to effortlessly call for the sidebar that I was going to introduce anyway - although I do recognize and sympathize with the fact that physicians hate it when you come in to be seen for your arthritic knee and ask additionally for a prostate check, bunion removal and professional assessment of the fact that your jaw pops when you eat corn on the cob - namely: Caroline's chest lump has grown noticeably larger since January. Her pediatrician frowned, checked it and then stared into space for a while.

"I'm trying to decide what we should do," he said.

I told him that the surgeon had asked for a follow-up ultrasound and consult in three months, which would put us back at the children's hospital in April.

"Let's move that up," he said. "Get her in this month if possible."

Okey-dokey, I said, and we went on with the ears and the nose and the cough cough coughing. They also weighed her and although this did not come up during the appointment I was APPALLED by the fact that little Mme. Cricket is currently eighteen pounds thirteen ounces. Steve points out that she has been ill and not eating well and, ok, true, but after months of climbing up the growth charts she had finally reached above the tenth percentile and this last check plunges her almost off the bottom again. No wonder she keeps biting Edward; she's probably hungry.

[I weighed her yesterday after her bath and she's up to 19 and 1/2. Tenth percentile here we come! She has been eating like a wolverine now that her ear feels better and she is no longer all congested. Unfortunately, she's a low-fat, high-fiber mostly vegetarian wolverine - Caroline likes tofu, all beans, all vegetables except broccoli whose combined mushy-crunchy properties baffle her, all fruit, lentils, oatmeal and wheat bread. She eschews dairy, beef, pork and chicken. If she was a yoga instructor she'd be all set. As a pint size whatsit aspiring towards quart sized status she needs to step it up a bit and develop a better relationship with bacon. Thank god for fried shrimp; it's the only thing she'll touch these days that packs more calories than a leaf of lettuce. Last night I carried her around the kitchen and introduced her to some of my best friends: butter, half and half, smoked ham... then I threw her in the air and shouted "Super Size Me!" about fifteen times. She was amused. I was the shortest kid in kindergarten and continued on the small size for a while (one of the comments on those elementary school Facebook photos was from a guy named Eric who wrote, "[I was] Shorter than JULIE??!!" - emphasis his) so I don't ever expect Caroline to be a runway model but I do hope that she is healthy and will not reach adulthood without ever having to duck as she walks under the dining room table.

I'll ask her pediatrician about her continued diminutiveness when we go for their fifteen month appointment - to date he has seemed unconcerned although, now that I think about it, to date she had been going up the chart.

Oh hey:

I went to my local'ish CVS pharmacy and asked the nice pharmacist if he carried Florastor, per your recommendation. He did a weird little double-take and said, "I... well, no, but... is it new? I have never heard of it before but you are literally the third person who has asked for it today. Is it new?" And I said I'm not sure if it is new but I think it is a... and then I realized I didn't even know what it was, I just knew that the internet has told me to buy some. You feel pretty silly asking for a product without being entirely clear what it is. I tentatively said that I thought it was a probiotic of some kind and he said, "Oh I have THAT" and gave me a box of packets containing lactobacillus granules. Whether or not this is even close to Florastor I have no idea but Caroline has been on it and amoxicillin for six days and she has been remarkably inoffensive in her nether productions. So much so, in fact, that it prompted a discussion on the part of myself and Steve during the course of which we realized that Caroline has had diarrhea at least every other day for months; regardless of her cow's milk intake. So I indulged in a little logical fallacy and combined her high-dive off the growth charts with her soy milk diet and concluded that if she was going to have a stomach upset either way she might at least being getting the fatty benefits of whole milk. She has been drinking half milk-half soy for several days and she seems miraculously unaffected by it. Not sure what is going on here but I am proceeding with caution - life in our house is a lot more pleasant when you can tolerate dairy.

I got so far away from my initial point that I will now have to take a bus to return to it: Caroline's chest lump scares the hell out of me and the surgeon is seeing her a week from tomorrow. Repeat ultrasound followed by another consult. I contemplated holding my breath until they agreed to see her sooner but I guess a week is manageable. My brother assumes that this time they will choose to biopsy it. We'll see.            

I was in the bathtub last night making a mental checklist of the Issues we have dealt with so far between Caroline and Edward -

Caroline's tiny size - pending
Edward's eye cysts - deemed probably harmless, final assessment pending
Caroline's hip dysplasia - checked, questioned, checked again, cleared
Edward's hip dysplasia - checked and cleared
Caroline's reflux - resolved!
Edward's reflux - resolved!
Edward's aspiration problems aka the Old Eat n' Drown - resolved!
Edward's crazy loud breathing (see above) - resolved!
Edward's eczema - resolved!
Caroline's eczema - resolved, mostly
Caroline's keratosis pilaris - when not aggravated by the eczema, not noticeable so... resolved!
Caroline's chronic upset stomach - pending

and Caroline's rapidly growing chest mass - Aaaaaiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeee! pending

I have nothing else to say about this subject. Good thoughts appreciated.

Caroline and Edward have added a new word to their itty-bitty vocabularies: deer. Caroline augments this with the word "see", which she pronounces with a sh- sound. "Sheeeeee Deeeeee?" she asks and points outside at the... well the deer, usually, although sometimes it's a squirrel. She is also anxious to know if we have noticed the trees outside (Sheeeeeee Teee?) or if we are aware that the wind is blowing (whuuhhhhhhhhh, she blows to illustrate.) Edward is mono word but bi-syllabic: "Deeeeee-ur," he observes and then pounds on the window with his fists until the deee-ur run for their lives.

Added to their first actual word (an actual word, in my opinion, being one that is used repeatedly and correctly in context) which was "Yeah" (pronounced "Yah") we have the makings of two pure-bred Minnesotans: "See deer? Oh, yeah, see deer." Taken in its entirety this could be a complete North Country exchange. My mother - wickedly - finds this hilarious.

Caroline loves songs that involve hand gestures - I sing, she gesticulates. "Open Shut Them, "Happy and You Know It" "The Itsy-Bitsy Spider".... crazy popular. She opens and shuts, claps, stamps, rolls those bus wheels - she's going to be a preschool Circle Time prodigy, I can tell. Although when the itsy-bitsy spider starts its slow trek upwards Caroline refuses to get all finicky with the finger twiddling - I say "The itsy-bi..." and she thrusts her hands straight up in the air, like the itsy-bitsy spider has chosen to just take the elevator this time. Then she sits there with her elbows against her ears, all bug-eyed, until the sun comes out, which she protrays by waving her arms as if she is trying to flag a diesel down. You know, just before it rains.

She also loves the shopping cart my mother got her for her birthday (or maybe it was Christmas?) Caroline puts the same surprisingly reasonable items (toy keys; hair brush; a lavender-filled sleep mask that I am pretty sure I have had since junior high - the lavender has gummed together inside; her very small stuffed bear; a spoon; and a toy cell phone that used to sound like Elmo when it was Patrick's, back before  Steve and I murdered it one dark night) into her shopping cart and sets off around the house. Every so often she stops and unpacks her belongings, then she packs them all up again and moves on. She's a busy kid.

Today she sat next to me while I changed Edward on the floor. After I wiped him up she helpfully handed me the new diaper. Then she less helpfully slapped him on the head. You know, as long as I was pinning him down for her.

She loves Patrick with the fiery intensity of a billion supernovas and every single time I say, "Hey Patrick! Stop [insert roughhouserish behavior]ing your sister!" he always directs the jury's attention to the fact that she is laughing her head off: "But she likes it" he protests.

 

Girls. Such suckers.

Finally, this could be my favorite picture of her, ever. She might be too short for the runway but I think she has a future in editorial high-end stuff. Break down that doll, Caroline Jane:

I just looked at this picture for a while and then looked at my hands to type some pithy conclusion and realized that I have bitten off all of my nails again. The chest thing will be ok, won't it?

Comments

[N]

Added to their first actual word (an actual word, in my opinion, being one that is used repeatedly and correctly in context) which was "Yeah" (pronounced "Yah") we have the makings of two pure-bred Minnesotans: "See deer? Oh, yeah, see deer." Taken in its entirety this could be a complete North Country exchange. My mother - wickedly - finds this hilarious.

It's funny enough that it brings me, a lurker and Minnesotan by heart, to comment. :)

I hope that all is okay with the lump, but that, more importantly, you can all make it through with some peace and sanity.

[Courtney]

She'll be fine. It's getting looked at. She'll be fine.

She's freaking adorable, too. That last picture! She really is a little doll!

[Helloitsme]

I honestly hope this lump is okay.

But please everyone stop saying, she will be fine because she's so sweet. What on earth do you think -- that only unsweet babies and children have serious illnesses.

Once again, my best wishes. The best sign is that the doctor didn't send you straight to the hospital.

[azita]

lots and lots and lots of good thoughts for superstar cricket

[colsdoll]

I also have a baby who is on the small side (5% for weight) although she was an 8 pounder at birth (which could possibly be related to my own cookie addiction). It threw me that she's small - I'm not a small person. But my husband has always been thin and was 15lbs at age one. So she's about on track with daddy.

So basically I feed her as much as I can all day long and hope it will work out.

Hmm, that's not so much helpful is it.

[KatS]

She totally reminds me of my daughter. Completely. ANd my daughter was 19 lbs until she was almost two and something, so no worries. SHe is now a teeny 33 lb 4 1/2 year-old who looks completely normal and solid, just tiny all over, ya know?

I hope the lump is fine, I know nothing from lumps. I could tell you all about her ears. I could tell you to use 1/4 tsp. decongestant (illegal pseudaphed (sp?)) and to continue with the saline "water boarding" to assist with reducing ear infections, but nothing about chest lumps. I'm sorry and sending the best internet/ Goodreads energy your way.

[twangypearl]

Adding my good wishes to the many for Caroline -
(And my particular sympathies on the waiting. URG. How I hate the waiting).

[jenn]

I'll be thinking of you (and Caroline, of course) and waiting to hear what the doc says about the lump. I'm sure it's nothing, but I know how horrible the waiting-to-find-out part is as a mother.

[Pam L]

Adorable pictures!

Sending good thoughts your way. Don't worry, we'll wait with you.

And,yay, you have a sponsor!Do you get free shoes too?

[jen]

If your paediatrician was *really* worried they would have scheduled something immediately. So rest assured that it is nothing, just one of those utterly stressful things that having children throws in your path - just to check you're with the program, I guess? Depends on your belief system as to how you rationalise it, but I personally don't think you need to be worried.

She is a total doll, I have to say - I love her hair, it is priceless in those bunches! (I am a Brit - what do you call bunches? Pigtails? Man, we speak a different language!)

Supportive hugs to you all anyway, and particularly big squeezes to those smaller munchkins - nothing to do with the fact I am just sizing them up for a roast with honey glaze, but they really are scrumptious babies!

[jen]

PS if it makes you feel happier, my daughter is 20 months and STILL not 18 pounds. She is one skinny thing. She grows an inch or more long-ways every 2 months, but doesn't put on more than a couple of ounces. She had bad reflux and was on Zantac and high-energy formula until 3 months ago. No weight and no height gain for MONTHS. After ditching the prescriptions in favour of full fat cows milk and incredible amounts of cheese and yoghurt, on the advice of the 3rd paediatrician we saw. She has now shot up in height but STILL not put on any weight. "Some kids are just built that way", he said.

So... my point is, don't worry. From your descriptions of her talking, she will be making a living as a Nobel prize winner in some highly-intelligent field like cosmology or neuroscience, far exceeding the abilities and achievements of any famous cat-walk skeleton, sorry, model! :)

[Lisa]

Julia - hang tough on the lump issue. I am sending good thoughts, prayers, etc. your way.

Re: the shopping cart. My daughter, now 5, was a big packer-and-un-packer, and your post made me remember a favorite toy of hers. For her first Christmas we got her a set of Russian nesting dolls, and she played with them incessantly for the next year or two. Heck, they even come out occasionally now (except for the top half of the middle girl, which I stepped on and crushed). She might enjoy these if you haven't bought some already!

Love the photos - keep 'em coming....

[stacy]

ooh and how about hummus? do you think she'd like hummus? you could add extra tahini and olive oil to make it fattier.

[babelbabe]

It will all be fine. Caroline will be fine (Gosh, how I adore her. Is it weird to adore a child I've never met?). You will be fine. All of you - fine. I swear. Sending good thoughts and caring your way.

Also, several things made me laugh out loud in this post, but mostly the part where Caroline slapped Edward "as long as (you) were holding him down for her". Have I mentioned I love her?

[Karen B.]

Julia -

For what it is worth - I think I may have some light to shed on the probiotic thing for Caroline. My daughter had a lot of tummy/gut trouble - partly due to her primary immune deficiency (common issue with that) but we found out a few years ago through testing (throat to bottom cultures, biopsies, etc.) that she was missing the enzyme in her system to digest dairy protiens. Kinda like being lactose intolerant but more radically severe. We had been giving her milk with acidophilus (probiotic) added because she seemed to do so much better with it (because of other food allergies, soy and rice milk did not work, and she would not drink goats milk for all the cookies in the world). They told us that probiotics, especially acidphilus, actually helps break down the dairy proteins, partially digesting them for her, which was why she did better with it. She now takes a lactase pill everyday (hers is high dose and timed release, but you can get it over the counter for kids and adults - the best I have found is the digestive advantage one at walmart) and tolerates dairy with no trouble. She also does the probiotics, especially when she is on antibiotics. Em was a 34 weeker, 5.5lbs when we brought her home, and was under or hovering at the bottom of the charts for weight for years, but at 13 years old, she is five foot five and a bit...towering more than three inches over me. Which I love - I don't need a step stool to reach the top shelves when she is around =)

[Genevieve]

Julia, here's loads of those good thoughts you wanted. Makes sense that if it seemed truly urgent, the doc would've had her go to the hospital that day, and he didn't. But hang on to those nails as best you can till her appointment is over, since it's nerve-wracking to wait. (Chewing on a really chewy - can't think of a synonym - food like Twizzlers might help with the nervousness jaw energy, I swear.)

LOVE your descriptions of Caroline as eating like a yoga instructor, smacking Edward's head while you have him pinned down for her, and having a completely Minnesotan conversation with Edward. Brilliant.

Also, have to agree with those who see dancer qualities in her pointed toes - remember a previous picture where she was practically up on pointes?

[Aurelia]

On another subject, children who have low hemoglobin, and low iron, bite a lot. Anything from other kids to odd things to eat, as opposed to just teething rings.

They also have problems with growth and weight gain and digestive issues and lots of other problems, all easily solved, but only if you know about it.

I know she is on iron fortified cereal and had special formula, but if she has had some digestive issues, then she might have lost all the nutrients you were putting in her because of the digestion. Ask your ped about getting her a blood test. It's a finger prick and easy as pie. And adding supplements like Fer-In-sol can help dramatically, very very quickly, although at her age you need to ask the Ped what dose.

I just have an odd feeling about this, please ask the doc.

[Emilin]

Finger pricks aren't as reliable as a full scale blood draw--they're more variable and provide unsatisfying results when you really need to track the iron level.

Some kids are just small. I have one of them. We did the whole heavy-medical-supervision thing when she was around Caroline's age: blood draws, weighings, nutritionist visits. Then we moved, and her new doctor evaluated her overall health, declared her perfect, and then weighed her. And decided that one number didn't change the clinical presentation of a very healthy kid.

She recently crept back onto the growth charts after two years at the CDC-declared "0 percentile," and we suspect she may have been a constitutional growth delay kid: http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/919677-overview

It's a variation on normal growth. Note also the last line of the second paragraph: Kids whose parents sent them through the ringer for being small had social problems; the other small kids didn't.

[terri c]

I can "hear" your apprehension re: the lump and am sending all of you the warmest of wishes and good thoughts. Waiting is just awful. Kids are gorgeous and I love the shot of Patrick-as-Calvin (I assume) preparing to devour an ecstatic Caroline.

[Libby]

It will be fine
It will be fine
It will be fine
It just has to, there is no other way.

I'll be thinking about you and your gorgeous future ballerina.

[Denise]

Hoping all will be OK with the lump. We've had two lumps in our house this year; both have turned out to be nothing. (Nothing like a little anec-data, right?)

[The Girl]

It will be ok. Your babies (all of them) are beautiful, and so lucky to have you for their mama. It will be ok.

[Lisa]

The chest thing will be fine. An acquaintance of mine has a little girl about Caroline's age who had the exact same thing. She recently had surgery to remove it and is totally fine. Totally benign as expected, as Caroline's will also be.

[Allison]

Aggh, your kids are so cute I almost can't stand it. But then I come running back for more. :) They really are adorable, and I so enjoy reading your stories about them.

Oh, and Caroline? Will be OK. Boom! Done.

[Missie]

My youngest daughter who turned 3 at the begining of November weighs in at a whopping 26lbs. Fully clothed. She eats and is healthy- just petite. (She was full term too, but only weighed 6lbs). Atleast the petite look wears well on girls.

Thinking good thoughts about Caroline's appointment.

[chicago sarah]

Will the lump be okay?

Yah.

She may always talk with "da UP" accent, though. :)

[JP]

Hugs!! Your children are adorable. I certainly hope that the chest thing is nothing. I'll be thinking of you and yours.

[Snarky Mommy]

I read that 60 percent of kids with a dairy intolerance also have a soy intolerance. So, there's that. I had dairy intolerance in both my kids. No. 1 is now 3 and has never had a fully solid diaper in his life. His doc says mushy diapers don't bother him. OK. No. 2 is now 14 months and has completely outgrown her dairy thing and drinks milk, eats cheese and yogurt with gusto. Diapers are great.

As for the real reason for my comment, how is the HELL do you get your wood floors so shiny with three kids? I can't even find the time to scrub mine, much less make them look so good. What's the secret???

[Kim]

Yes, definitely yes, everything is going to be fine. Caroline is beautiful beyond words!!! And I'm on Patrick's side - of course, she loves whatever her big brother is doing to her! =) You can just see how happy she is in his arms. And I agree with your mom, Caroline and Edward's exchange about the deer is priceless =) We live in Stoughton, Wisconsin (probably as Norwegian as by you), so that exchange could be here too by Ole and Lena.... Sending you lots and lots of good thoughts, Kim

[reenie]

While it will probably be nothing; could you not move her appointment to a nearer date in order to find out all the sooner about the nothing? I know you have a life outside this blog, and thoughts of Caroline's lump might not comprise your every waking moment, but you may spend those waking moments easier knowing. I'm wishing you happy things.

[reenie]

(I know they probably booked you at the "earliest" opportunity...but I work for a doctor's office and we usually make exceptions & shift things around a bit if someone is hurting or very concerned.)

[Felicity]

Caroline always looks like a little Ballerina, such divine pointed toes!

We are all vegetarian, dont eat/drink too much soy, and are all very healthy. I just make sure that the children always have access to good food; fruit, vegies, crackers, cheese etc. Whenever they are hungry they eat! As long as it is healthy their nutritional needs will be met. My Twins are now 8, and our Toddler is 3, the boys, Edward and Oscar, are both alot bigger than their same age mates, but my Cecilia is petite and small! She loves it!

Children can be born with some strange things, my Daughter has a birth mark from her bottom to her foot, and I found out its a vascular malformation that can be a symptom of arthritis, we have to monitor it, and she does get deep leg pain. Our two boys also have strange little things. I was born with a lump in my neck that has never gone away, and gets bigger at times, and my husband has a lump in his face! Im assuming Carolines lump is another very normal individual birth idiosyncracy.

[Karin]

She is just the most adorable thing. So cute!

And yes, of course the chest thing will be fine. I feel it in my waters. Seriously.

[karen]

Hi Julia, I'm sure everything is just fine. Twenty years ago my first son was one and a half years old and not quite in the tenth percentile. He was eighteen pounds at Caroline's age. Fast forward twenty years and he's a six foot two inch tall college junior. I did soooo much worrying for nothing. Your children are healthy and beautiful, I promise. Thank you for sharing your wonderful family with us.

[Cris]

Look! You have an Ad! Wheee!

[Cris]

So screw Redbook ;-)

[Erika]

Thinking about you and waiting anxiously for next week. It'll be okay.

[Elaine at Lipstickdaily]

So sorry about Caroline's lump . . . but I love your writing! Keep it up.

[Linda]

Our 2-year-old has had chronic diarrhea on and off for over a year and we finally took her to a different doctor who diagnosed it as "toddler diarrhea." Ya, I laughed at that too -- of course it's toddler diarrhea, she's a toddler with diarrhea -- but apparently it's an actual illness. A few diet changes can fix it, and google can give you the full schpeel on it. For our daughter, she's been diarrhea-free for almost two months once we changed her diet to include daily yogurt with probiotics, no fruit juice, minimal to no acidic fruits, back to whole milk, and limit water to mealtime only. I hope the info can help Caroline. We too are dealing with a list of medical concerns with our little peanut, so it's such a relief to at least check chronic diarrhea off the list.

[heather g]

How much soy is too much then? Those early comments have freaked me out. My son is allergic to dairy and we just get the calcium calcium calcium lectures.
I guess being a mother means worry worry worry.
Take care of yourself while you're waiting for the next step on the lump.

[Laurie]

The chest growth could be the fetal material from the third embryo that was implanted with Caroline and Edward.
It's usually benign and easily removed without future complications if that is the case.
You might mention that there were three embryos implanted and ask him if it's possible. They will biopsy it and check it out.

[T]

I wouldn't give up Caroline's dream to walk the runway quite yet... :) Tyra's America's Next Top Model show is requesting 5'7" and under models for next season!

Your children are gorgeous, per always, and Caroline will be fine. Just fine.

[Mara]

The chest thing will be fine. It will, it will. 93 internet readers can't be wrong!

You score extra life bonus points for the Janis Joplin reference, and for "mono word but bi-syllabic", which I find wonderful for reasons I can't explain.

[Ruth]

Have you tried her on avocados? My own pint-sized toddler (didn't break 20 pounds until she was 16 months old) loves them, and those puppies are LOADED with calories. And yummy.

As for the chest thing, I'm sure it'll be fine, but .... yeah. I'd be in a swivet, too. I'll be thinking of you and your Cricket.

[Beth]

Keeping Caroline in my prayers. One of mine had weird lumps which needed to be removed, but things turned out okay. Just keep breathing; you'll know soon. {{hugs}}

[yasmina]

How could you do it, really, being so calm and funny about everything? I know other people questioned this before, I cannot imagine being YOU. ONe more week to find out Caroline's lump is a benign tumor and can be safely removed surgically. She has to be fine, look how lovely she is! BTW, she is a mini Steve, at least the photo in front of the fridge says so. Anxiously waiting for your progress report about her...

[yasmina]

Caroline is mini Steve, at least the photo in front of the fridge says so. Wish that chest lump turns out to be nothing serious and can be safely removed surgically.

[grace413]

Thinking good thoughts for beautiful Caroline.

[Amy]

More good thoughts - very, very, very good thoughts coming your way. I wish I could send more than that, but know that you have the very BEST thoughts aimed at you!

Your posts are always so real - some scary things, some sad things, some perfectly adorable things, some ordinary things - but the way you write about them all is sheer genius. You know how to turn a phrase! Thanks for letting us giggle with you. Too bad we can't keep you company while you are sitting up all night with yurpy coughs. In spirit!!!!

[Amy]

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