Soon It will Be Time To Implant the Impetunias

At first I thought Steve was just being lazy about getting a vasectomy. I really did. I mean there are times when I will have sorted clean clothes into piles on our bed (mine, his, finks) only to come into our bedroom to find that he has chosen to crawl under his pile of socks to fall asleep rather than put them away; but this does not imply that he is afraid of the sock drawer or worries that the act of putting his socks away will prove to be psychologically emasculating. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar and sometimes he really would rather just deal with the socks tomorrow. However, it gradually dawned on me as one year became two that Steve's inability to follow-up on his vasectomy consult might be based upon more than a mere dragging of the... feet. It took him eight months to call the urologist. Another month to find a suitable time to go in ("Nine, ten, eleven, one or two o'clock on Monday Tuesday or Thursday? Rats! I might have to fly to Miami to donate blood for a critically injured jai alai player... I'll need to keep those times free.") After the doctor assured him it was no big fucking deal so just call to schedule the procedure whenever... nothing happened. For months. Then, just when I thought I had finally nudged him into Naming The Date, he googled himself into the information that some (tiny tiny subsegment - although I do remember that this happened to a reader's husband and I am very sorry) men suffer from hormonal imbalances post vasectomy and he freaked out all over again.

I started to get frustrated. And I mean that as written. I hate prophylactics. Even if I wanted to go back on the pill I cannot as I am: 1) over 35; and 2) at additional risk for developing blood clots according to my OB, who yet again read me the pathology report on tiny Caroline's placenta with an emphasis bordering on the ghoulish. What to do? On the one hand Scylla, on the other Charybdis. Irksome, occasionally ineffective, temporary contraceptive to the left of me; Steve sitting on his hindquarters with his ears back to the right. At first I tried the Lysistrata approach and was mortified to discover that Steve is a lot more patient than I am. So much for that. Then I tried nagging (stick with my strengths) but as I listened to myself I thought about how I would feel if Steve kept hounding me to get a hysterectomy, my god, and it made me feel really uncomfortable. So I finally did what I should have done, well, maybe six months ago and I went to see my OB yesterday. I told her I would like to start once again reaping the benefits of the old health-giving slap n' tickle without having it involve drah-ma and chest-heaving and oh-how-could-you-not-just-get-the-damned-vasectomy-after-all-the- TROUBLE-I-went-through-to-accommodate- your-combined balanced translocation/biological child issues not to mention the irritation of having to fumble around in the nightstand at the least convenient times; what did she suggest?

"For you?" she said. "ParaGard. Straight-forward copper IUD. No hormones. No fuss. Normal cycle continuance. Ten year lifespan. Easy insertion and easy removal, if desired."

"OK," I said.

"Do you want to do it today?" she asked.

"Um, sure, I guess. If you have time."

And that's how I got my surprise IUD yesterday. Note: it was briefly uncomfortable in the office but I took three ibuprofen and then went running afterwards. So no big deal.

Wait, IUD inserted or IUD implanted? Huh, the website says an IUD is "implanted". How odd. I rarely touch the ol' infertile hot-button subjects, largely because my friend Julie (alittlejulie, as I like to call her) renders any further comment on the topic superfluous. Her treatment of all things infertility is always dead on: eerily well-informed, beautifully lucid and funny as hell. If anyone ever wanted to know my views on anything related to IVF or high-order multiples or mandatory insurance coverage for infertility I would just pass them her way. Or copy what she has already written, I guess, scratching out her husband's name and implanting (ha ha) Steve's name in its place. But the use of the word "implant" for "transfer" when describing what one does with an embryo during IVF doesn't bother her and I admit it bothers me. The connotation is just so different. I can yell, shriek, or scream and although the definitions are more or less the same, to me those words produce very different sounds in my head. If you transfer two embryos there is a sort of vade in pace sense to the phrase that adequately reflects the lack of control any of us really has during IVF. If you implant two, well, good lord, twins ho! Ladybug onesies for two, stat. Right now I think the word "implant" is being used to demonize Nadya whatshername (Julie also objects to the moniker "Octomom" - I point out that Octopussy was already taken. whoops, yikes, sorry. I'm not usually so vulgar) more than is even necessary. Like she deliberately had octuplets by implanting them. Her circumstances are spacebat crazy. She seems to have serious emotional problems. It is unfortunate that assisted reproductive technologies played a role in her dysfunctional life. And you know when the infertile community looks at you and says "what the fuck were you thinking?" you've got capital-I Issues. Because most of us reach a point where options that we would normally not consider even after fourteen shots of tequila start looking kinda reasonable. For example: what the hell was I freebasing when we transferred three PGD'd blasts during my second IVF cycle? NOT RATIONAL. Or the whole superovulation idea? You know, when I decided that maybe if we could just... I cannot even finish this sentence. Again NOT RATIONAL. I think this poor woman is crazy and I think she has made some awful decisions and I feel very very sorry for her. That said, every time I think about her I get angry. Pity wars with resentment. Making horrible horrible decisions that lead to consequences one could never hope to manage on one's own? Faugh.

And now (per Julie) states are getting their panties in a bunch and looking to limit this and curtail that and won't SOMEBODY think of the tax payers?! I keep remembering my online acquaintance who once upon a time transferred ten embryos. Ten. Sounds like a horror story in the making. And yet if you had followed her story you would know that it made sense. She had a good doctor and a reasonable grasp on her personal odds. And no, she did not wind up with ten babies, or eight, or two. Or even one. It sucked.      

I'm not sure what my point is with any of this. I just started writing and now here I am, contradicting myself and feeling vaguely ill as I remember the comments I kept reading at the end of every online article about the octuplets. The general consensus of the masses seems to be that infertile people need to get over themselves and adopt, while people who might need public assistance should be sterilized. Oh and these particular octuplets should be distributed to other families like so many underbred puppies in a box at the Safeway. It's enough to make you want to throw up in the sink. Do I think Steve and I were selfish in our decision to pursue IVF? Yeah, probably. Do I feel like apologizing for the existence of Caroline and Edward? Um, no. Not at all.

Two comments about two comments on my last post. First, KidKate told an hilarious bidet story and I encourage you to go read it. Second, someone called me a pretentious prat. This is not - I hastily insert - an invitation for you to vilify the commenter or tell me how unpretentious or unpratlike I am. My desire to impress you has actually been something I have really struggled with here. During the miscarriage years I... I don't know. I felt like a loser. I loved the sympathy I received but I didn't want to be pitied, you know? So I tried to point out the good things in my life even as I was reporting on the bad and sometimes it came across as bragging. And maybe it was. I don't know. I am a work in progress, I say sententiously. So I am not the least surprised that someone finds me irritating, nor am I bothered by it. You know what I have figured out lo these many (seven) years of writing a web log? That some people read you because they like you and other people read you because they intensely dislike you. I do it myself. I have a couple of blogs I read solely because they irritate me like an itch. Why this is one of the pleasures of blog reading I have no idea but it's true. I am just grateful that the presumed like/dislike ratio of readers is not reflected in the comments because that would start to be a drag. Imagine if half my comments came from people anxious to tell me how much they despise me - blech. Anyway. My only reason for mentioning this comment at all is because it fit so neatly into the Euro-American Understanding Day we were having. Because what sent this commenter into a tail-spin was apparently the smoked pheasant. And I wondered if pheasant has some kind of uber-rich elan in places where they use "prat" as an insult? Because here in America's granary it would be considered elitist not to eat what you have killed. And I am having a hard time imagining anything less glamorous than Steve in a ditch in North Dakota and the awful looking Ziploc bags that now clutter up my freezer as a result. My life-long study of Agatha Christie informs me of a time when the Shooting across the pond was an upper class pastime but is this still true? The smoking of the pheasant was such a back-to-the-good-earth moment here that I was startled to be told my Daimler had been parked on someone's foot.

Because I cannot let a post go by without at least one picture of my selfishly acquired and slavishly adored get:

Have a nice weekend.

Comments

[Jamie]

Hah! I'm so excited! I just finished catching up with your last few posts and was experiencing the let down of knowing I was done and then a new post arrived as if by magic! I haven't even read it yet because I was too giddy. Thanks for such an awesome blog and always bringing a smile. Jamie

[reader who likes your blog]

as it happens, yes, pheasant shooting still has distinctly 'U' connotations. No excuse for snarky comments though.

And ... a query from this side of the pond. 'Prat' is in the same category as 'maths'? English-english rather than America-English? Just curious about the two-countries-divided-by-a-common-language thing going on here.

[Lee]

OK, I just found a site with step-by-step bidet instructions. What a pain! You might have to remove your pants? be careful about excess fecal matter in the drain?

I'll stick to TP.

http://www.wikihow.com/Use-a-Bidet

[Cynthia]

Good Lord but you make me happy. I had good news for the first time in quite a bit and then I find your post and....and.....I can't even express myself....

[Lacey]

Julia,
You rock!I just did a post on my blog about commenters who disrupt the harmony of a blog just for the pleasure of it. Some people are attention whores that way. They'd rather be hated then ignored. You, however, have no need to worry, your like-to-dislike ratio is heavily weighted on the like side! I'm a dork, sorry.

[Lacey]

By the way, your children are too cute for words!!!!!

[Georgia]

Why *do* the pack the pheasants in such unpleasant baggies? I have 40 pounds of the suckers in my freezer right now (from North Dakota - perhaps our freezer squatters are kin?) and the bags are subpar, to say the least.

And what is it with the claws on those buggers? That's a whole other issue. Although I suppose that if I am elite enough for a freezer full of pheasant, I am also elite enough to be able to afford kitchen staff to dispose of the claws for me? Dare I enlist my preschooler? Can one trust a preschooler with a cleaver? Probably not.

[pdxem]

nice post julia. that bidet story reminded me of a scene in a Henry Miller book.. the tropic of cancer I think it was. Through cultural misunderstanding, a guy craps in a bidet at a whore house and gets run out of the place.

[Melissa]

Maybe it's a bit of transference, but I think I'm a tiny bit pissed at your husband. Men. You weren't asking him to get the equivalent of a hysterectomy. Please.

I don't think you're pretentious, but you definitely play up the positive on your site. Then again, with your cute kids, who wouldn't?

[lumpyheadsmom]

Briefly uncomfortable? Seriously? I had a Mirena installed two weeks ago and I nearly passed out. Godspeed to you, woman.

[Betty M]

UK reader again here. Pheasants tend to get shot by country types who divide into two sorts - posh hoity toity types, all rah, rah, merchant bankers up for the weekend
etc - presumably the ones your commenter meant by prats and proper country people eg farmers etc - so not prats. For eg Madonna took up things like shooting pheasants when she was playing at being an English stately home owner a few years back.

[Lisame]

Been reading you for years and years and I must say THIS WAS MY FAVORITE POST EVER!

[Elizabeth_K]

My gosh she's gorgeous ...

[Lisa]

Hahaha, it's so true. There were two blogs in particular that I read and I really couldn't stand the writers, they were actually friends with each other, which I guess shouldn't be surprising. One quit blogging and I eventually un-bloglined the other, mainly b/c I didn't think it was healthy that I would frequently want to yell at the computer after reading her posts. And that I would carefully word comments to politely disagree, and then never post them, b/c you know how they say if you have nothing nice to say, better to say nothing. I thought it all rather pointless, so I quit reading her instead.

You on the other hand, I always love reading. Maybe some people dislike you but I'd probably dislike them.

[clarabella]

Down here in the dirty south, I DREAM about seeing pheasant on a menu. That might make it somewhat of a rarity around here, but elite? I don't think so. I would love to have dinner with you guys any day, no matter what elitist fowl you're eating, but alas, I can't even count how many hundreds of miles away I live.
Cutie-cute picture of Caroline. Love the pigtails!

[Mandy]

I saw the comment and I had such a hard time taking it seriously, and I'm glad it doesn't seem to have bothered you too much. I enjoy reading your posts, and have for years now. :)

[Nony Mouse]

I, too, have a few blogs I read to hate (or rather roll-my-eyes about) but like Lisa, never bother commenting. I didn't know it was such a popular past-time, I always figured most trolls tended to be of the drive-by persuasion.

[Katy]

Love my paragard: it's been 5 years of not having to think about birth control.
That said, DH is likely getting snipped this year.

[Hawkeyegirl]

I've heard that Paragard and the other IUD are less painful to have inserted/implanted when you've had kids. In fact my doc told me that right before she jammed a metal rod up into my never-been-pregnant uterus to place the damn thing. Seriously, most painful thing I've ever had done. Worse than having a ruptured cyst dug out of my side.

I hope it doesn't happen to you, but be prepared for some icky periods for a few months, I'm still adjusting to the um, new flow, so to speak.

Good luck!

(P.S. I read you because you're funny and the kids are cute and honestly, no false compliment intended, you are my favorite writer of all the blogs I've read. For reals. That includes Dooce and all the rest of the high profile bloggers.)

[Becky B]

I probably shouldn't mention that my sister is due in two days with her 5th child. He may be born gripping her pretty copper IUD she still has in. I think she's already made the appointment for her DH. :)

[Bea]

It depends on the accent. If I read someone saying, "We had smoked pheasant for dinner," in a middle-class English accent, it sounds prattish. Upper class: conversational. Working class: earnest. American: unnecessarily loud. What kind of accent do we think Gah has?

Bea

[D.]

I love your posts Julia! And I think you're an awesome woman -- witty, smart, beautiful, and all the rest. Your husband, though... Let me just say that I wouldn't put up with the stuff you put up with. It's incredibly inconsiderate of him, to put it mildly, not to have a vasectomy, especially after all you've been through.

[katie]

Another usually UK reader here, resident of an area consisting of Town on Coast plus Large Empty Hilly Space With Lots of Yummy Birds.

When Yummy Birds show up (pretty cheaply) in our local butcher's, we don't turn up our noses at the people who shoot them, we thank our good fortune for living next to Large Empty Hilly Space, and plan next summer's blueberry picking trip to said Space. Far fewer food miles, for a start. You have to watch your teeth on the shot, though.

[Molly]

expat Minnesotan here, and yes, my impression was that Gah! thought pheasant was something to be served under glass by a tuxedo'd butler. Whereas in the upper midwest women will brag to their peers about how "My Sven, he got his limit of pheasants again this year", followed up with the confessional, "Of course I don't much care for pheasant. It's so dry. I much prefer chicken, you know."

Or maybe it was the smoking. If you'd put the pheasants in the crockpot and dumped a can of cream o' mushroom soup over them and cooked the sh!t out of them, they could hardly be pretentious.

Now get your Daimler off my lawn.

[Pam L]

I think I have to request, nay inSIST that you do not explain yourself to anyone named Gah, seriously. I live in the West, as you know, and we eat all manner of unusual fowl and fauna and no one thinks it's prattish OR hoity toity. We had bow hunted elk for dinner this evening, I'm just sayin. Just don't let anyone talk you into eating Rocky Mountain Oysters, OK? The smoked pheasant sounds yummy to me, but my husband would probably throw them in the turkey deep fryer

[Marsha]

Re: pheasant - I have a pheasant casserole recipe that involves bechemel, wild rice and water chestnuts. It's pretty simple to figure out from this list of ingredients but LMK if you might be interested in the exact recipe (I usually make it with boneless chick breast b/c there is a dearth of pheasant - smoked or otherwise - in my neighborhood). Nummmmmm.....

Re: baggies - If the birds are, er, dispatched in North Dakota and then brought home to be stored in your freezer, I can see how the bags might be a little gross by the time they get to you. Yikes.

Re: blogs - I had to stop reading one rage-making blog in particular when I realized that it was written by a woman that I actually liked in real life. One day she was telling me this story and I'm thinking, "where have I heard this before?" and it was on the blog, the existence of which she didn't broadcast openly. Online - I loathed her. Offline - she's delightful. Go figure.

[Laura Gf]

Julia, my heart leaped when I saw that you read some blogs just for the irritating, eye rolling enjoyment of it. I wondered if I was the only one -- it is extremely rare that I comment on my guilty pleasure sites (first, I rarely comment anywhere and second, over-fawning commenters call the comment sections home and so I don't feel comfortable disagreeing at all). Is there an actual name for reading blogs like this?

[Alexis]

Love your blog!

About Steve: Make an appointment at the Dr.'s on the sly, grab a babysitter and invite Steve to lunch. Then open the door of the car and boot him out, returning - or unlocking the car door - only when the procedure is done.

Note: Don't let him leave the house with keys or money so he can't get in the door or take a cab home.

Cheers! >=D

[Bianca]

You do have a sunny outlook, and a remarkably pleasant sounding life and I think that annoys some people. People like train wreck blogs- makes them feel better about themselves.

Your blog, on the other hand, might make people a bit jealous, what with the extremely gifted son, lovely twins, hot husband, gorgeous house, and gift of writing. Still, I like your blog just the way it is. Sometimes I want to read a trainwreck, sometimes I want to read about someone who is well adjusted, happy, and has fun sounding dinner parties.

As for pheasant, I know nothing about eating it or smoking it. I'm a vegetarian and thus very unpopular these days with edumacated foodies. I know my dad shot pheasant though (along with deer) and he is about as working-class as they come.

I think IUDs are great, and I'm having one as soon as I deliver. However, I would have insisted my partner get a vasectomy, only he already HAD a vasectomy (a very inexpensive, no big deal according to him) and then a vasectomy *reversal* (a very expensive, painful big deal according to him) so I can't bear to ask him to go under the knife yet again.

[Carrie]

I was surprised by the smoked pheasant making you a pretentious prat. In my world rednecks eat smoked pheasant. I love me some pheasant. I didn't know a hoity toity type would like it.

I think some people will always be jealous. Heck, sometimes I am jealous of your gift of writing, but then I think of all the miscarriages you have and know that we all have our struggles. I enjoy reading about your happy life.

[L]

Good luck with the IUD. I have the same one. Be prepared for heavier and longer AF, that's the unpleasant part of the copper IUD :(

[bec]

I was also called pretentious once.

I just said 'Pretentious - Moi'

[Shelley]

You rock. You totally rock.

[azita]

I've gone from a faithful lurker to a repeat-commenter and ... anyway, have to comment yet again b/c just today my sister and I were having a conversation & she was telling me about a blogger who irritates my sister to no end but she can NOT stop reading her.
You are such a good wordsmith, will you make up a name/term for this behavior? a la "frenemy" or such. Please, please?

[Penny]

I am a big fan of your blog. I never comment though, just lazy I guess. I love Patrick stories and pictures of the twins. I am very happy that REDBOOK came to their senses and asked you to write again. Please think about writing a book. I would definitely buy it in hardcover, something I never do. As far as Steve and the vasectomy goes, men can be such wussies. That is between you and him, but come on, look what you went through to have a family together!
Keep blogging. It makes my day when I see a new entry. Thank you for what you give your readers!

[azita]

ps - (there's no stop to my commenting madness): I figured out what the "Lysistrata approach" meant based on the context & Wiki'd it just now. Hee! Love that your writings are not only wonderfully entertaining but are also so edu(ma)cational. ;)

[Stacy]

Just when it seems your writing has reached a fabulously new pinnacle/plateau, you surprise me a push the bar even farther ahead.

Ditto Azita, Love the Edumacation :)

[Stacy]

p.s. for what it's worth, i think it was steve's turn for his share of private-part trauma, alas, he *should* have gotten the vasectomy. Am also glad to know there is a non-hormonal non-barrier non-surgical method birth control out there for folks like me who can't take the pill and dread all things latex, and/or spongey. Ew.

[Rosemary Grace]

I'm a brit, grew up in Scotland, which has a very well developed cultural chip-on-the-shoulder when it comes to elitist posh prattishness. My Californian mother and lack of a local regional accent often qualified me for exclusion as a posh foreigner.

Yes, when I first hear "pheasant" I think "what ho old boy, been out shooting on the old estate? bagged a brace of pheasants? have Jeeves smoke them for dinner eh what?" Then I remember that my Pennsylvanian husband's blue collar father used to turkey hunt with a bow and arrow, and sometimes with an antique rifle that had been in the family for a couple of generations. Hunting is a salt of the earth activity in the US, and an overprivileged landowner activity in the UK.

PS - I have the ParaGuard. It was pretty uncomfortable for me the first day, since I haven't had any kids, but I LOVED the OB/GYN saying "you're good for ten years, so I'll see you in 2015". Definitely a great option.

[Jan]

Glad you spoke up and out, but callout to DH .... doesn't seem very respectful to you, however gorgeous and wonderful he is. I have one of them kind too, so I empathize, but just sayin... do need to tell him he's an asshole.

[meg]

You run?? With everything you've got on your plate? Want to hear more...

[Courtney]

Yeah, you don't come across as pretentious or a prat to me. You sound intelligent and well-read and a lot of fun.

Is it weird then that I don't read any blogs that I hate? I do read blogs that I find myself almost dreading reading, but then wind up loving them each time. Which is I guess weird.

[Sheridan]

"I was startled to be told my Daimler had been parked on someone's foot"

Best line of the year (so far).

You are my favourite pretentious prat by a mile, so keep it up.

[Elaine at Lipstickdaily]

Thank you for the V discussion . . . we have had this EXACT same discussion in our house. My hubby actually suggested that I have a hysterectomy instead of him having a vasectomy! PLEASE!! Not only am I 20 years younger . . . IT'S NOT THE SAME THING!! What is it with guys?

[Colleen]

The 'prat' comment reminds me of an experience I had a few years ago. I live in VT, on a piece of land that has a lot of grassy hillsides. Turns out one of the best ways to turn grassy hillsides into human food is to raise sheep, so that's what we decided to do. One of our neighbors (the product of private boarding schools) told us that raising sheep was 'elitist'--because the only places she'd seen lamb was at Whole Foods or at fancy restaurants. Elitist? Tell that to the thousands of subsistence farmers across the world who keep a few sheeps or goats to help feed their families!

[Jo in Boston]

Ok, I always seem to comment only when I want to defend Steve (and this is directed more at the other commenters that at you Julia, as you seem to be dealing). Guys, it's Steve's body--if he doesn't want to have even minor surgery, even if it probably seems like the best choice to us, he gets to choose. I don't think what Julia went through to have kids (though it was huge) gets to be turned into "you owe me to get a vasectomy." I'm sure Steve has enough guilt about that; he doesn't need to be told he has to pay for his genetic makeup.

I love your blog, Julia; that ability to make infertility hysterically funny is priceless. I wish you had been around when I was going through treatments ten years ago.

[Aurelia]

Thank you kidkate actually for that comment, because I have no clue how to use a bidet and I might actually have made that mistake as well! And thank you to the commenter with the wikihow link.

Funny thing, I used to read blogs that made me crazy, and then one day--I just didn't. I didn't need the aggravation. I have a couple of political trolls who visit me sometimes and inflict their stupid. (like today) I just delete them. It is what it is.

As for the vasectomy issue? I will simply repeat what I told my husband. Which is this: "You heard my doctor, if I ever get pregnant again, it would be so dangerous that I might die, and I would have to get an abortion, which would be terrible for me. I am going to use birth control, just in case, and I would like you too as well, just in case. It is your choice whether or not to get a vasectomy, and it is my choice whether or not to ever have sex with you again honey."

So far, he is still hesitating on the vasectomy. We have had sex a couple of times using condoms, but that is terrifying and stressful. Either he does it soon or he will be getting to know the palm sisters a lot better.

He has choices, and so does Julia. Making men take equal responsibility for birth control isn't guilt, it's the right thing to do.

I hope the IUD works for you hon, and I hope to God it doesn't fail.

[Reba]

Just in case you return to the vasectomy....

I'm not sure how it works in Minnesota but here in Winnipeg there is the (paid) option of a private vasectomy clinic. All the doctor does all day, every day is vasectomies. No scalpel technique, took less than 5 minutes, my husband watched TV while the procedure was performed and didn't even make it to the commercial break before he had his pants pulled up and a handshake. I offered to go with him but he declined and the first call I got was that he was fine, had no trouble driving and was at the mall buying a new PS3 game to fill the rest of the time he had taken off work. A small bruise and some barely noticeable swelling for the first day and then pretty much back to normal! I can't comment on the regular process at the hospital other than to say that most couples we spoke with were peeved to learn they could have selected this option instead.

So! If all else fails maybe you need to make a road trip up here to Manitoba, get the Vas clipped and then tie in a Polar Bear expedition. Everyone's a winner!

[Amanda P.]

One of the topics in the post that I haven't seen other people comment on that also DRIVES ME CRAZY....the transfer vs. implant debate.

Implant is what an embryo does. Doctors do not implant embryos, because they can't. Doctors TRANSFER embryos and then the embryo(s) implant. Sorry, pet peeve.

I love reading this blog!

[VirtualSprite]

I thought the smoked pheasants were perfectly fine. I applaud you for eating them. I have a particular pet peeve with people who don't eat what they kill, but then again we live in Wisconsin where it's far more barbaric than the civilized Minnesotans. :-)

Yay for you on the IUD. My doctor has been suggesting one to help control my unpredictable periods and I haven't worked up the nerve yet.