Another More Than Adequate Friday

So far this is a pretty good Friday.

Patrick, for the first time in recorded history, woke up and then (I can hardly type the words) GOT DRESSED before coming downstairs. Usually he prefers to stay in his pajamas until his life is threatened so his appearance at the breakfast table in pants (honest to god, pants!) added an unexpected touch of civility to the morning. He then watched as I syruped a pancake for him and said, "I could imagine having another daddy but I could never imagine having any other mommy but you."

He followed this up with a pair of calf eyes so large and round they looked like dinner plates.

I am still not sure what he was actually after but I am susceptible enough to emotional manipulation that I promised to take him to the indoor playground later in the morning if he managed not to annoy me between that moment and our departure.

"I AM SIGNIFICANT!" he bellowed (a Calvin and Hobbes quote, no doubt, although the exact relevance escapes me.) "But ok."

Steve agreed to play hookie from work (the bright side of a declining empire? more family togetherness! or so I said to Nero) and we were able to take Caroline and Edward to the playground as well. Cricket took one look at the teeming mass of screaming children and promptly lost her mind. She sprinted towards the steepest, slipperiest fake rock she could find and started to scale it like a gecko. Then she was, like, what do you call this thing? A slide? And you plunge down it headfirst? AWESOME. Edward, meanwhile, promptly sat down in the toddler area next to the fake midget rowboat and studied the situation with that somber expression of his; one hand clutching my sock just in case I had any plans to leave him. We sat there for a good fifteen minutes, not moving, while Caroline flashed by every so often - a tiny blur of green followed by a larger panting Steve. You could hear her crazy little giggle bouncing off the walls, which shocked me because she is not usually so loud. Eventually Edward decided that this so-called "play ground" might be worth investigating. He walked around a bit, and then stopped to examine a mural on the wall depicting two foxes. Caroline ran up behind him.

 "KITTY? KITTY?" she screamed, pointing at the wall before she raced off again.

Edward looked after her like she had just made him bite his tongue. 

"Are they... twins?" a woman asked me.

"Yes."

"Is he the careful one?"

I wanted to point out that not every partnership pairs an out-of-control adrenaline junkie with a methodical thinker just five days from retirement when I noticed Steve trying to disentangle Caroline from the rope bridge under which she was dangling. Edward was sitting again; studying a dirty mark on his sock with obvious concern.

"Yeah," I said. "He's the careful one."       

I took them for their fifteen month appointment this week and for the first time ever I had nothing specific to discuss. We had already talked about Caroline's wait-and-see lumpage so apart from an idle interest in their sizes (Caroline is back on the growth charts in the 10th percentile for weight and the - hold onto your bonnets - 25th to 50th for height. the Tiny One is thirty inches high, a mere inch and a half shorter than superaverage Edward. Grow Cricket Grow!) I was prepared for a short visit. And it was:

Do they walk? Stoop? Climb? Yes.

Have any words? Well, sort of. Does incorrectly identifying wildlife count?

Eat? Caroline, like a hungry gazelle. Edward, more emphatically. Just the other night he devoured an Italian sausage meatball that - pieced back together again - would have been roughly the size of his fiftieth percentile head (Edward and I are the only Head Normals in the family. Patrick has always been in the bottom quartile. Caroline has a head like a mini marshmallow. Steve looks like a bottle of shampoo, all shoulders and then... cap.)

"Do they sleep?" asked the good doctor.

I snorted.

"You aren't still feeding them at night, are you?"

"Wow," I said. "This aquarium print you have here is very bright and whimsical. I'll bet ya'll were thinking of children and their well-known love of color when you chose it, weren't you?"

"How much are they eating at night?" he asked.

"I wonder why they call it a stethoscope? Do you know?"

"Stop feeding them at night. They don't need it. Even this big girl," he said and he boop'ed Caroline on her nose. She gnashed her teeth at him, all friendly-like.

"Fine," I said. Meaning, fine, I will consider your opinion and place it with due regard into the context of other viewpoints on the subject; most notably those expressed by my blog readers this week.

Speaking of which, thank you for your thoughts on the subject of sleeping; perchance to dream of not waking up again for another eight hours. I don't mean to brag but I host the most civilized people here at the Sign o' the Hippogriff. You're all "well, this is just what worked for my family" and "there are many colors in the rainbow; we like indigo." I do love you all. So very much. After our pediatrician scolded me, I read all of your comments. And I remembered the fact that Patrick stopped breastfeeding at a year (because we wanted to have another child and my body is apparently capable of doing only one thing at a time.) Since he never (not once. ever. the little fink) took a bottle we can safely conclude that when I stopped nursing him he stopped eating at night. So by fifteen months he must have been sleeping all night, yes? No? Mostly? I have obviously blacked out the entire thing but evidence supports that I have lived through something similar. Thus buoyed by the trifecta of personal experience, medical authority and internety goodness I took the radical step of.... turning off the baby monitor.

Ta Da.

Down at seven. Both up around two to eat (when they REALLY MEAN IT apparently I can hear them.) Quiet until eight.   

Of course all this means is that I have had two good nights in a row. It does not follow that this will continue. But, hey, two good nights in a row is TWO GOOD NIGHTS IN A ROW. If I could I would tango.

A couple of random baby pictures:

Edward, with his love of all things circle, eats round noodles in a very specific way. If they get squished in the process he won't eat them; he tosses the broken ones at Caroline. He's a lovable little loon, in some ways similar to Patrick (aged two in this picture) who had his own funny little quirks.

Finally, easy breezy Caroline, queen of the world.

Enjoy your weekends. Happy Easter if you celebrate it.

Patrick, after losing another tooth this week:

"You expect me to believe in both a tooth fairy and an Easter bunny? No. I won't."

[pause]

"But I still want my dollar."

[pause]

"And the eggs and candy and stuff."

[long pause]

"Wait, what do you want me to believe?"

And another secular humanist totters to his knees. 

PS Not to bite the hand that feeds me but is that ad over there actually urging us to raise "the best" babies? Not that we shouldn't all go check out what they have to say - perhaps via that handy link - but really? Can one grade babies like so many jumbo vs extra large eggs?

PPS True Mom Confessions, on the other hand, could qualify as a guilty pleasure; up there with America's Next Top Model. The opportunities for judging... oh the judging.

Comments

[Barbara]

I'm sorry, I only got as far as pants before I collapsed in laughter. I live in the UK, he came down to breakfast in his underwear and you consider that dressed!

[Helen]

Caroline is beautiful in that picture, Edward is also cute as usual, and Patrick, ha hilarious. It sounds like you like your doctor, which is good. As for the stop feeding them at night advice, that's hard for me. But look at me - I'm sleep deprived with a 2 year old. I thought that was normal by the way. In the rare instances that my son sleeps through the night, I am noticeably happier the next day. So you'd think I'd try harder to break the feeding in the night habit. Alas, not happening. We live in such a small space that we never used a baby monitor. I always hear him, even when he's not making any noise. And when people in particular constantly ask if my son is sleeping through the night, or if I'm still breastfeeding... words cannot describe what I feel. Thanks for sharing. Happy Easter to you too.

[CaraH]

I read the majority of this entry to my husband... I don't even have to explain who each member of your family is anymore; I just say "let me read this from Julia..." and he's game. You are incredible. And your kids are gorgeous. Keep on keeping on just like you always do - you are wonderful!

[victoria]

You're beautiful, brilliant, funny, blessed with a gorgeous family, and your kitchen kicks my kitchen's ass. Good thing you're so nice, otherwise I might have to hate you.

[Erin]

I remember the first good night's sleep I had - eight hours of bliss. When I was walking to work I actually felt buzzy, like I'd had a pot of coffee. I'm so happy for your two good nights, and wish you many more! We tend to the more AP side of the spectrum, but our little one's sleep was in this horrible downward spiral where he would wake up every couple of hours shrieking and eventually not even nursing would get him back (even if we responded immediately). Finally we broke down and let him cry - deciding that we had to try something, since everyone was miserable. He cried for twenty minutes, and woke up every three hours and cried for a few minutes. Next night, for three minutes. Now, nothing. Apparently, our non-cuddly baby actually *wanted to be left alone*, even though he was crying. Counter-intuitive, but true. He's never liked sleeping with us. It's funny how they're all different & need different things. The best solution is always the one that works best for the whole family. I hope you've found yours!

[Bethany]

I second what Victoria said ;)!

With regards to night feeding, I just wanted to say that my life got so much better when I did what you're doing now. Sometimes my 16-month-old DD will cry out at night (I swear it's from a dream or something along those lines), but then go back to sleep. If she really needs me, she cries louder/longer/more persistently. Without the monitor, you're only hearing the finks do their louder/longer I-really-need-you-Mommy cries. Perfect for everyone involved!

Trust your instincts. If you've cut back to the one feeding the past two days, I'm sure their bodies are fine with that at this point. Later you'll be able to reevaluate and see if you feel it's right to end the night feedings all together. For a data point: my DD is still nursing, but she stopped night feedings around 11 months. For the first couple months I always made sure she had a snack right before she went to bed (cheese, etc.) and this made me feel better about her making it through the night. So glad the twins' stats are so good and your ped sounds great! I know if DD had been on the low end of the weight growth charts no one would have been able to talk me out of anything in the world when it came to feedings. Again, trust the Mommy instinct. I think it's doing great so far!

[Bethany]

P.S. Can we get an update on the copper IUD, pretty please? I am pregnant (with second and last!) and have always looked at the copper IUD as the perfect solution for me for the post-babies-before-menopause timeframe. The only downside that's ever stuck in my head is that your periods will get heavier. If so, is it just heavier flow or more crampy, etc? Has this been true for you? Any other negatives, in your opinion? Otherwise, it does just sound almost too good to be true and it isn't popular (at least not in my area) so I wasn't sure why it hasn't caught on like wildfire and why many others go the hormonal IUD route (I hated the pill and would like to stay away from hormones if at all possible, and this sounds like one of the only non-hormonal options). Please tell me it's as good as the painted picture looks (but only if it's true!) Many thanks in advance, Julia!

[Steph]

LOVED the picture of Patrick (well all of the pics . . but that one made me giggle).

How come none of your untensils are Pampered Chef??? I sell it you should have it!!! :)

[Rhonda]

I keep clicking on that picture of Patrick and giggling out loud. My husband is wondering what's wrong with me.

As far as night feedings, I kept feeding my last baby at night, multiple times, until she was 15 months old. After a bad couple of nights where she was nursing every two hours and nothing but me soothe her, my husband sent me to a hotel for a night (hooray!) so we wouldn't be tempted to give in at 5 am. You know, where you both look at each other in despair and say, "oh, for the love of pete, let's just feed her." Anyway, she had a restless night (not nearly as much crying as we expected) but that's all it took really. So, if you have that luxury, I highly recommend it. If not, I think you are on the right track. Best of luck.

[Samantha]

I love your kids! My monster is almost a year old and has been mostly sleeping at night since about 6 months...my doctor scolded me as well - we still had grace in our room, and once we moved her into grace land, she sleeps like a champ! (Oh - and the no baby monitor thing made me nervous at first, but I'm now a believer!)

[Penny]

Oh, Patrick. That picture is perfect. A child with a wonderfully active imagination. Key to my heart. My oldest was very similar in her play. She is now a 3rd year engineering student at the University of Michigan. I just love Patrick stories! (Caroline and Edward are pretty neat kids too!) As all parents of older children will tell you, cherish these moments. And take lots of pictures.

[Mary @ Holy Mackerel]

Love your blog!! I've got to start coming here more often!! Thank you.

[L.]

Ah ha ha ha! Your indigo comment! It maketh me to laugh muchly. Thank you for that, perfect Friday night thank-god-my-week-is-over reading.

I had been noticing it but the realization just tipped over into my conscious brain: more and more Edward looks SO MUCH LIKE YOU. Caroline splits the difference more.

[Elaine at Lipstickdaily]

Lovely children . . . I soooo remember that first good night's sleep. Enjoy!

[Casey]

Thank you for that deliciously long post!

And, I wasn't aware...is there another way to eat circle pasta?

Have a great Easter. I hope the bunny doesn't box out the fairy this weekend.

[Pam L]

OK, so how did you answer the "What do you want me to believe?" question?

And... did you read those Truu Mom Confessions? Can't decide if they are serious or just crazy. I still don't know if I would admit to strangers that "I smoke pot daily", but hey, that's just me I guess.

[kris]

i know i got up to feed my son at night (around 1 or 2am) until he was almost 2. i figured if he was hungry, i would feed him. do what feels best for you.

[Kristin]

I love your family stories. Caroline and my Gabe would get along famously but they might get into trouble when they started egging each other on. And, Patrick sounds so much like my oldest son.

[Cee]

Raise today's best babies! Organic, free-range all-natural children!

[Kim]

I love your blog - that's all! Happiest of Easters to you. I hope the good Bunny shows up with lots of candy for Patrick, Edward, and Caroline, and a wonderful bottle of wine for you! =)

All the best,
Kim

[Michelle H.]

That picture of Patrick cracks me up! My just-turned-3-year-old has always loved to play in the utensil drawer. He will wedge part of them into the drawer pulls, and then hang the rest off them in bizarre sculptures that make it impossible to open a single drawer without dismantling the whole thing.

His newest trick is taking a rope of shoelaces tied together, and tying the refrigerator handle to the freezer handle, then pulling the shoelace rope across the kitchen and threading through the cabinet pulls. It's like cooking in an obstacle course!

[Laurie]

I breastfed my children for two years and they weaned gradually during the third year usually within two to three months.
When someone would be amazed that they were still nursing and over a year I would point out all the older kids with baby bottles attached to their hips. It's what works for you and your children that ultimately counts.
As for quirks get the kids tested for Asperger's Syndrome. Super intelligence and little quirks usually indicate this. We always just thought our oldest was eccentric like the rest of us. It runs in families to varying degrees and isn't such a big deal. It could also explain his love of letters and fonts etc. It's ranges from very mild to extreme.

[Holly]

I still want to know what your husband thinks of his hordes of admirers!

Is Patrick aware he has his own following?

[MindyMax]

Turning off the monitor is Step One and kudos to you for doing it. Now you're ready for Step Two - going in when they awake in the night and telling them it's time for sleep and to lie down and go back to sleep. Maybe a sip of water in a sippy cup...but no 'food' of any kind - no nursing, no bottles. Nada. Zip. They don't need it (as your doctor confirmed) - they are just used to getting it. So try really hard to take the next step - soothing them, tucking them in, and telling them it's time to go back to sleep.

They will get the hang of it and you will be sleeping through the night in no time. You just have to do it. I know you know that....and I'm just trying to lovingly nudge you in that direction. It may not be a fun night or two - but once they know you will not give in, they will go back to sleep. They will!!

[Cassey]

i wonder how long it'll be till patrick decides to create a transmogropher?(excuse the spelling)
:)

[Amy]

Wait--your 15 month olds only wake up once in the night to eat? Did I read that right? And your doctor has a problem with that? Remember...doctors are experts in MEDICINE. How you and your family sleeps and what they all need in the night to fall asleep again is not medicine. Keep doing what you are doing if it works for you, which apparently it does. FTR, my daughter, at 15 months, woke to nurse at least 3-4 times a night. Gah. And didn't Patrick? I think you already know how to respond to his advice.

[heather g]

I encouraged night feeding when I went back to work at 6 months figuring the 8hr gap between feeds that many children are doing overnight at that age, would translate to an 8hr water and solids only block during the day for my son. Unfortunately the night guzzling went on and on until I was bit of a wreck around 18 months. I can't remember how I stopped but I did.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

[KidKate]

We also turn off the monitor when we go to bed. My daughter sleeps on the third floor (we have a narrow little rowhouse), and we are on the second, so it's nice not to have her in stereo when she does wake in the middle of the night, esp if we're choosing to ignore it (like during her current 18-month sleep regression)!

Also second the ibuprofen before bed and the alternating with Tylenol every three hours if it's wearing off too quickly.

Here's to many more good nights!

[Channa]

I liked your response to Dr's inquiry about your nighttime parenting - I'm all for it being none of his business, thank you very much. And my 2.5 year old hasn't nursed (or eaten anything else) at night for nearly a year, and he still wakes once or twice most nights.

[Jaz]

Patrick and the kitchen utensils - I laughed so hard it hurt, and when the laughter started to taper off, I went back for another look so I could start all over again.

As far as sleeping at night - you have to take care of you, too. And only you can decide whether taking care of you means getting sleep or feeding babies at night. Chances are that when they go off to college, you won't still be feeding them at night. Don't sweat it.

[Kelly]

I am going to renew my objection to people telling other people what they HAVE to do when it comes to child rearing. Certainly your suggestions sounds good MindyMax, but really YOU HAVE TO DO IT? Because, yeah no you don't.

In any problem like this I suggest there are numerous suggestions that would work. It sounds like what you are doing is working better for the moment Julia, hopefully it will stick. If it doesn't, that is ok too. (it probably won't feel good sleep wise though!)

I know personally the constant questions about my child sleeping through the night for years only made me feel worse. Like I was the failure. At almost 9 and a dream like sleeper who I adore, I sort of want to walk around and slap all the people who told me what I HAD TO DO and when that didn't work explain how I had clearly done it wrong.

The nice thing about having an older child? I really just don't get caught up in it anymore. I know my son well, I know myself and while I often ask people what they did I don't feel like a failure when I choose not to or it doesn't work for us.

Did I mention my dream sleeper?

[Helen]

I can read any other twin mum's blog and not feel bad about the development of my kids. Except yours. And not because you're rubbing our noses in it, screaming "Observe the significance of my children's milestones! Observe...and suck it!" But because I read about your 15 month olds and then I look at my 18 month olds, not walking, not even coming close to talking, and I think: "Yeah. I feel a bit bad now. Clearly Darwin had a few things left to explore before he pegged it."

[punchanella]

i used to get really mad at my mom when my son was around a year and i had a bazillion questions about what SHE did and she'd say, "i don't remember". what kind of mother doesn't remember?

incidentally, i don't remember either. my son's only 5... soooo, i am a really bad mother, apparently. if you feel like getting up and feeding them, then get up and feed them. it'll stop when either you or the babies are over it, right?

p.s. patrick and the spoon picture: A+

[Christiana]

The kids, they are beautiful, as always. (I am so jealous that your Caroline has so much hair - my little Caroline has it all in the back and sparse in the front).

My doctor told me to stop feeding Caroline at her 9 month appointment and I did and it so worked at getting her back to better sleeping. I won't say she always sleeps through the night (then or now), but I don't feed her at night and usually, it certainly helps. I can't remember do the twins have pacifiers or lovies? I have found that most often when my Caroline wakes, she just needs her special items back within her reach (her paci and her monkey).

[Courtney]

I love all the photos of your children and your description of Caroline at the playground just had me laughing. Fantastic writing about fantastic kids, as always.

And hey, two good nights can only lead to more - even if they don't happen to fall consecutively.

[monica]

My second is adopted from guatemala, He came home when he was 5 months old. In guatemala, where there were three "night nannies" to attend to the babies, he got THREE bottles during the night. I was panicking - THREE bottles during the night?? Yikes!!!!!! - my older one had stopped night bottles at around 5-6 months. When I got back to Boston and brought my little "Gordito" - because that was his nickname in the hogar (childrens home) - he was really quite huge - to my pedi she told me that he would be fine without anything at night. So I stopped the night bottles and he was .... Fine! Hey - I am sure my 9 year old would love it if I woke him up for a little midnight snack too, but....

[LAmom]

Monica, your "pedi" told you to stop the night bottles? You take advice from your foot? It does explain a lot.

[liz]

I wasn't going to leave a message before because my kid's only 7 months old and I thought the age difference might make the similarities with sleeping/eating null. But since you're now down to one nice feeding a night, that's about where we were when we decided to take the plunge. I was relating the story to an acquaintance and she casually mentioned that maybe I should decrease the amount I was giving him at night. I sort of scoffed, but then considered it because it seemed reasonable. Anyway, over the course of a week, we went down one ounce every night. By the time he was just doing two ounces and going back to sleep with minimal fuss, I knew in my mind that he wasn't actually hungry and was just responding to a habit. Then it was just a couple more nights of crying boughts that petered out and now, a couple weeks later, he's doing pretty great. I do think they need an adjustment time so they can learn to eat more during the day to make up for the food they don't get at night anymore. Last, they may wake up earlier without the middle of the night feeding. We determined a time, say, 5:30 or so when the crying could be technically "waking up for the day" and we'll feed him then. Though if it's before 6:45 or so, he'll just go back to sleep for a bit. Anyway, one more story to add to your arsenal of eating/sleeping stories. Best of luck!

[Heidi]

After a very slow start this morning (defective coffee?), I can't tell you how hard and long I laughed at the photo of Patrick. Worked like magic! Now then, where are all of my tax records...

[Dawn]

I'd like to second what Kelly said above, because I totally identify with feeling like a failure every time people asked me how my older daughter was sleeping (she mostly wasn't). With the younger one, I just shrug it all off. You have to do what works for you and your family. My almost 18 month old is down to waking about once per night, and it just is what it is. When I'm exhausted, I just remind myself that this too shall pass.

[liz]

Take the Aspberger's comment with a huge grain of salt. My just-turned-7 year old has her share of quirks (including an obsession with First Ladies and genealogy) and she asked the Catholic priest at school what was so "good" about Good Friday. Just because they are extremely smart doesn't mean it needs explaining.

[Tori]

I hope your making some $$ out of your ads..... i click on only out of loyalty and the fact i love your blog and if you go broke you may stop writing ........

[urszula]

To follow up on Laurie's post regarding Asperger's syndrome - it is not as if there is a simple blood test for it. Unless you are significantly concerned about Patrick's relationships with peers and restricted, repetitive interests and there are obvious impairments in school etc., don't bother dropping the $2500 on psych evaluation. From a future child psychologist....

[Anna]

Great post!

And why is Asperger's being discussed? Can we drop that thread?

Anyway, I am incapable of coping with the agony of sleep training, so I was feeding my son several times a night. Then I realized that I was merely training him to get hungry in the middle of the night, and that this lack of continuous sleep was hurting him more than it was helping him.

So...every night for maybe 4 nights, my husband went in and fed him progressively more diluted bottles of formula. By the fifth night, baby had no incentive to wake up, and he has been sleeping like a dream ever since. It is heaven. Go get yourself some of this heaven!

[Kelly]

I agree on both the grain of salt with the Aspergers and dropping it.

If anyone is concerned about their own kid, then yes I suggest you get evaluated. But not every kid with quirks is on the spectrum and even if they are, it isn't for you the internet to play webmd and diagnose people's children you haven't even ever met. (Also to those who have met people's kids, you still don't get to play webmd and diagnose people's kids.)

[winecat]

What with Patrick and the utencils and "I wanted to point out that not every partnership pairs an out-of-control adrenaline junkie with a methodical thinker just five days from retirement" I couldn't keep from laughing.
Great post.

[Alexicographer]

OMG, love love love the photo of Patrick. This makes me feel much better about allowing my 2 y.o. to remove utensils and cups from 2 drawers in our kitchen ... my hubby wishes I wouldn't, but honestly, it's easier to do so (and I have gradually narrowed it to 2!). What a stitch.

[Midori]

Just a quick comment regarding night-wakings due to hunger, since I thought you, of the charming bedtime soup habit, might appreciate this observation:

Haven't you ever over-indulged at a particularly delightful evening meal, gone to bed, and then woken up the next morning surprisingly ravenous? You really *are* hungry at that time, because eating at regular intervals programs those hunger signals at those specific times. "Reprogramming" them in an infant can be remarkably easy and cruelty-free if done sensitively...

[Katherine]

For Bethany about the copper IUD: I have one (I had it put in in November) and my periods have almost gone back to what they were before I went on the mini pill a year before that. I get a little bit of cramping (but I can keep doing everything I normally do) and my periods do last a day or so longer than they used to. I was quite worried about the heavier/more painful periods, but it has been fine.

[Katherine]

PS And I loved the Patrick picture and the playground descriptions too! Of course :)
PPS I am 33 and have never had children in case that is useful regarding the IUD.