Fort.Night

I was on vacation.

Specifically, I was on the best vacation I have ever taken in my entire life; including (after judicious consideration) that time my father took me to Disneyworld for my eighth birthday. We went to [edit: Tyler Place in] Vermont and it was amazing. As I announced on Friday: "I have never had so much fun and..." I held up my hand as Patrick opened his mouth, "I DON'T CARE whether you or you or you or you agree."

Not that the rest of the family didn't enjoy themselves; they did. Every morning at 8:30 a delightful woman named Barbara showed up at our cabin to collect Caroline and Edward and wheel them off for breakfast followed by five mommy-free hours of snacks, songs, swimming, lunch and the occasional boat and/or hay ride. Patrick joined a cadre of six and seven year olds for woodworking and fishing and rock climbing and nature walking and general whatnoting (he also was breakfasted and lunched, although as he tells the story he ate nothing but pineapple and bread for seven days - like I care.) Having disposed of the children Steve and I would roll up to the inn where there were all kinds of good things to eat. On the first day I ate ten pieces of bacon. Then I gave the matter some thought and returned to the buffet for six more. We mini-golfed. We shot arrows. We did a low ropes obstacle thing that was surprisingly fun despite a rocky start (team building began with a trust circle where you close your eyes and flop backwards and - without naming names - SOMEONE, SOMEONE who I really should have been able to trust dropped me. but I forgive) and an undignified ending (to scale a twelve foot wall Steve and an accomplice threw me into the air without first checking to see if anyone was ready to catch me - they were not, I dangled like a participle.) I took three naps on three successive days that each lasted over two hours and for the first time since the twins were born I feel like I have actually gotten enough sleep. And if there was anything nicer than watching Barbara leave with the twinkles in the morning it was knowing that she would be coming back at 5:30 in the evening to take them off to dinner before returning to put them to bed while I shamed myself during karaoke night.

We went to camp and, like I said, it was the best vacation ever.

In no particular order:

- It never ceases to amaze me how long it takes me to get one family ready for a week's vacation. I literally spent all day, every day the week before we left getting organized and packed. I had a four page list of things I wanted to bring, especially Patrick's passport and birth certificates for the babies so that we could take advantage of being so close to one of my favorite cities in the world and go to Montreal for a day. Oh how I love Montreal. So it was disappointing that I remembered everybody's travel documents but mine. I was bummed about this for the first half of the trip but Patrick later crossed the border by boat and he assured me that the water on the Canadian side looked exactly the same as the American water, so I wasn't missing anything. I told him, yeah, but Canadians themselves are seven feet high and purple so it really was a shame we didn't see any. Not to mention the fact that every street corner in Montreal has racks filled with free chicken pot pie. He is uncertain as to whether or not he believes me.   

- It then took me two full days to unpack and do laundry.

- JFK has got to be the worst freaking airport in the entire world. OH MY GOD. We flew out with a connection through Detroit and although it was a horrible hour of the morning (we left here at 5:30 am) the trip was surprisingly bearable. The return through New York, however, was a misery. They kept putting us on little shuttle buses and letting people afflicted with both vertigo and a death-wish zip us under the wheels of massive, taxiing 747s. Since Steve had the brilliant but only marginally effective idea of strapping car seats on either end of our stroller - picture if you will a six foot long stroller with full-sized car seats fore and aft - we could only move in one direction and we took up enough room for a family ten times our size. As an aside, we opted to bring the car seats with us on the plane. This was less in deference to keeping the twinks safe and more in hopes they would recognize the futility of even trying to escape (looking at you, Cypress Caroline) and just sleep. It mostly worked, too, so the embarrassment of pressing through airports like a circus caravan was worth it.

- Edward's eyelid eczema is doing much better with the Aquaphor, thank you. Also, weird as this sounds, I think the multiple trips to the chlorinated pool really helped him. His arms and legs are much better. 

- Patrick got accepted as a Davidson Young Scholar. This is a nonprofit out of... uh, I don't know... not here... Utah? no Nevada... that provides educational assistance for kids like Patrick. I'm very pleased. We like his school and want to keep him there but we needed some help figuring out how that could work and I think Davidson will be able to provide this.

- Edward made a friend at camp. I don't know why I think this is so amazing and cute, but I do. Every morning they would go do stuff at the toddler playhouse and Edward would seek out a little boy named AJ so they could push a rocket car together. Caroline, meanwhile, would scout the perimeter, dancing her little Cricket dance (on her toes, shoulders wiggling) and try to climb out the window.

- Patrick's favorite part was the fishing. Much to my surprise Patrick is turning into quite the outdoorsman; all raspberry-picking, lichen-discussing, mushroom-hunting and small mouth bassifying. I asked if he had made any friends in his group.

"Oh YES," he said. "There's this one kid that I just love."

"What's his name?" I asked, pleased.

"I don't know. Look we're just here for the week; it's fine. Did you make friends?"

I thought about the low ropes group that objectively critiqued my centers of gravity as they decided the best way to turn me sideways and cram me through a hole.

"Nevermind."

- Patrick continues to be healthy, knock wood. His pediatrician has given him a month to be fever and -itis free or... actually I don't know what the "or" is. Tonsil removal? Another round of IV antibiotics? I just know that I keep prodding Patrick's neck and that I stick a thermometer into his mouth every time he opens it (not really. ok. yes. really.)

- Edward was given his first pair of sunglasses and now he wears them all the time. I mean all of the time that he is not holding them in one hand and gesticulating with them like a professor. Like a cool professor. A professor of jazz, maybe.

 

- It is becoming clear to me that Caroline has an addictive personality. She tried goldfish crackers for the first time at approxiately 3:10 Sunday afternoon. By 3:28 she had grabbed both of my ears, pressed her nose against mine and hissed, "FFFFFFFFFSSSSSSSSSH! FFFFFFFFFFFSSSSSSSSSH!" I would say they were like crack but that's kinda an insult to crackheads. Then there is her music. I cannot pinpoint the exact moment that Caroline decided she needed music playing at all times but she has taken over Edward's music player (fair trade for Eardeer and Legdeer I suppose) and it is hard to get her to let go of the damned thing.

Patrick dressed them all today.

This is the Salute to Edward version.

Note that she moves but the music thing remains firmly in hand. The entire time she had "A You're Adorable" on loop. God help us all.

- At the beginning of this post I was heading toward some specific question. Something that I have been meaning to ask. Now I have no idea what that was. Damn it. Any questions for me?

- I missed you and I hope you had a nice couple of weeks.

- An amusing/disturbing aspect to Edward's sunglass obsession is that he still has the iris cysts that (we think) make it difficult to see when the light changes. So as soon as he gets his sunglasses on he almost invariably careens into a wall. Oh, and he puts his fat hand up and says, "EYE!" He did this to me today and I said, "Eye? Yes. The glasses are on your eyes." And he put his palm into my face and repeated "Eye! Eye! EYE!" And then I realized he wanted me to slap his hand: "High five!"

"Eye eye!" 

He's going to be the cool one, I just know it.

PS Yes, the Tyler Place. Loooooooved it. In fact, I think I am in love with it - as I keep thinking about it and I wonder if it is thinking of me... . As far as I know they have a few openings later in the summer so if the idea of ditching providing stimulating summerfun for your children while you nap compete in the mini triathalon appeals to you then by all means give 'em a call. Two caveats: it is not cheap by which I mean it was expensive (and no, we could not really afford it this year) and if you go and love it so much that you tell everyone you know and then there is no room for me next year I shall track you down, create a trust circle and drop you.

Comments

[shriek house]

Oh dear Lord they are IMPOSSIBLY cute. Eye eye, Sir Edward!

Is this that place in Vergennes? Ferrisburg? Near there? I've been BEGGING to go there. I need a Barbara desperately, though perhaps not a trust fall.

So happy you had a lovely time!

[Laura]

I know you announced your vacation, and I'm just a lurker (for years, but who's counting), but I couldn't shake the worried feeling when day after day went by with no word. Anyway, I was EVER so happy to see that you all enjoyed your vacation. Welcome back : )

[Lisa B]

Vermont is wonderful, and the arrival of all of you, circus-driven or otherwise, must have been a sight to behold. And I personally prefer the skull polo shirt to the tie-dye (ugh), but Patrick and Edward look so much alike! Caroline, however, looks fully in charge - "Darlings! Just arrived back in town, so LOVELY to see you all!"

[Anna]

"dangling like a participle..."
"fisssshhhhhhh!"

Eye eyes to you all too. So glad you had a wonderful holiday, and glad too that you're back to give such a hilarious account of it!

[suz]

Ahhhhhh, so happy that you had a good vacation with sleep and everyone healthy and happy. :-)

[Mandi]

Yaaay, you're back!! I've missed you. Sounds like an awesome vacation and I'm thinking that next time, I may smuggle myself in your luggage and come along. :o)

I love the tie-dye trio, they are so stinkin' cute! And E and C are at the most awesome stage. Learning new words and phrases and behaviors. They are funny and entertaining. I love the FFFFFFISSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHH!! story. Made me laugh.

Your kids are awesome! :D

[MindyMax]

Would it be too personal for you to tell us the name of the amazing camp where they take your kids and leave you to a buffet and other fun stuff? Sounds divine!

Missed you all and so glad you're back and all are healthy!

[Pam L]

I grew up just across the Vermont border in upstate NY and love love love Vermont. The sugar shacks in the spring? Heaven! I also agree on JFK. The last time my youngest, Paul, and I went through there there were about 4 different flights being qued up at this one gate that was in the corner of the building which is just chaos, and then you had to walk on this wooden plank path for about a mile turning every 25 feet or so until you made it to the plane, crazy!
Love all the tie-dye!

[Jenny]

Welcome home! I missed your wonderful, entertaining posts. So glad the vacation was so great, and everyone is (knock wood) healthy. Love the tie-dye and sunglasses picture! That looks like a Christmas-card-worthy shot to me... And dang, your kids are so cute!

[Jojo]

Questions, yes! Are you at liberty to disclose the location of this miraculous holiday resort? And I would love to hear more about the Young Scholar deal and how it works for Patrick, as things unfold.

[Helen]

Yes, I definitely have a question for you - what's the name of this magical place in Vermont where they take care of kids and parents get to have fun? You made it sound so great and it's so suspenseful to not know if this place really exists. And that last picture is awesome with her hand up like that.

[Nellabean]

Thanks for the awesome awesome long post. I think I obsessively checked your blog 3xs today (and all last week even though you said you'd be on vacation). Your writing is my goldfish habit. :)

[Becky]

The pool thing is not weird at all. I remember seeing some study proving a bit of bleach in the bath will help eczema. Googling eczema and bleach... it came out in April.

[Life in Eden]

Yes, yes, please share the location of said magical place that will cart your twins away and you won't be picked up by the police? My twins just turned one and I will NEED such a vacation next summer!! SPILL G*d Damn you!

[Beth]

Well, I for one think pineapple and bread sounds both nutritious and delicious! Sounds like a great time.

[Lissa]

I know it's completely wrong but I do love how you screw with Patrick's head. The free chicken pot pie racks tipped me over the edge and I giggled and giggled and giggled for about five minutes straight. Awesome.

[terri c]

1. Yes, missed you.
2. It was not nice of Steve to drop you.
3. It appears that Caroline has learned to do the "royal wave."

Wonderful post, wonderful photos!!!!!!!!

[TeacherMommy]

I have missed you. Definitely. Needed the cuteness and laughs.

And once again, I bow in humility to the brilliance of your writing.

[Ali P]

Fantastic to hear you're back, safe, sound and refreshed. Have missed hearing your tales.

[tripleblessings]

Awesome post, great photos, so glad you had a good time.
- a 7-foot-tall purple admirer

[TheLuckyGal]

Sounds like the Tyler Place. Is Chad still a total hottie? My DD was three when we went. She was thrilled with the fishing - "I caught a Porch!" I was thrilled with the whole concept. I especially loved how they would sing (loudly) as the pulled the kiddos around the place in the wagons, giving you ample warning to jump behing a bush and hide ;-) Sounds like you had a lovely time - you certainly deserved it!!

[Sally]

Ah, what a great vacation. It sounds too good to be true. Wait - that's where Julie went, right? I'm totally going there if I ever get back to the US. Heads up, Barbara.

Adorable pics too, and speaking of adorable, A You're Adorable is my all time favorite kid song next to High Hopes.

[Cookie]

What an adorable post. I missed hearing from you while you were on vacation, but I'm glad you had a fantastic time. Congratulations to Patrick on being accepted as a Davidson Young Scholar. I looked it up, and wow! That's fantastic.

Thanks for the pictures, I always enjoy updates on your adorable children.

[Denise]

I can't believe it--we were vacationing at the same place (I am 99% sure from the description) the week before! We checked out on the 4th of July! Can't believe we missed you by just one day!

Would be interested to hear your take on the adult social scene (I loved Patrick's comment--"did you make any friends"?)

[KristinM]

Yes, please!! What IS this place?? It sounds fantastic! Glad you had a great vacation. You needed it.

[yanicka]

I live in Montreal and I agree with you...it is an awsome place (if you forget about those drivers....oh the drivers!!) It's great that you enjoyed yourself....you totally deserve it

[kate]

Must be Tyler Place. We were regulars for five years; now my kids are older, we don't...need it as much. It was a great five years, though!

[Kristin]

What a fun vacation. I've never heard of a magical place where they take your children for the day so you can do fun things like eating without them and napping...please tell us more about it!

Also, eczema and bleach (chlorine) are apparently the new combination in terms of treatment. My son had very bad eczema as a baby and we did the whole moisturize 90 million times a day thing, which kind of helped, but not really, but the bleach thing wasn't out there as a theory yet so we didn't try it. The funny thing is that now that he is 2.5 years old and the eczema is gone, whenever we go to a pool his skin starts to look bad again and I have to moisturize him like crazy afterwards to prevent a breakout! Weird.

[Donna]

You seriously have got to write a book.....

[Kara]

Yes, the pool thing for eczema is definitely not weird. My nursing instructor (I'm in my pediatric rotation right now) stressed many, many times that chlorinated pools and sunshine are good for eczema.

And please tell us of this magical place? Pretty please?

[catizhere]

Reminds me of a favorite really really bad joke...."What do you call a fish with no eye?"
Fffssshhhh.

[Esther]

So glad you're back. I missed your posts--thank you for making me laugh this morning!

[Tine]

(*applause*)

I snickered and snorted all the way through that post. Hooray for an awesome vacation! I'm so glad it was fabulous and that everyone is well. :)

[cursingmama]

This was a way better post than all of the best annual holiday letters I get every year. WAY Better!
I do hope that you've gotten dear Caroline a good supply of music options including the Neil Diamond Classic & the local favorite Martin Zellar (Carolyn - not quite the same but close enough!)

[CA]

I am so glad you had an awesome vacation, but I am even more glad you are back :)

[babelbabe]

I adore you, you make me laugh out loud. The boys had to come find out what I was making such a ruckus about.
I am delighted you had a great vacation - could you send the dear Barbara my way, pretty please? : )

[L]

Wow! I am jealous :)

Congratulations to Patrick! That's awesome. You will both love Davidson. The best part is having regular playdates/get together with other DYS.

[Mike Mahaffie]

Now you have me missing the Tyler Place... Again. My wife and I went with our girls for (I think) nine straight years. Only our eldest having aged out of TP groups has stopped us. For now. We will return, though.

Don't stop going there. It is one of the great things you can do for you kids. And yourself.

[DC readers]

We've been to The Tyler Place 12 times. There is no other on the planet that my kids would rather go on vacation.

[Hannia]

Greetings from Monteverde, Costa Rica (another great place to go on vacation with your family, though I'd probably wait until the kids are older). I usually read your blog back home in Massachusetts, but have been lucky enough to get a bit of Internet access here.

I just wanted to pass on another potential educational resource for Patrick: Johns Hopkins Center for Talented Youth: http://cty.jhu.edu/. They offer a LOT of programs for kids, though admittedly the youngest are probably a year older than Patrick. Our 11 year old has been taking a class through them and it has been a good experience.

[Maria]

I spent three years at Tyler place and it is indeed a magical place that actually lets adults have a vacation. Aside from the expense, my only complaint is that I felt pressure to be chummy with the guests, triggering every social anxiety I ever had as I desperately tried to one of the "cool families" that was sought out at meals. This is, of course, my craziness and has nothing to do with the camp. We haven't been back since my kids (now 6 and 9) were in that labor intensive preschool phase, in part because I mistakenly believed that vacations would get easier as the kids got older. While it's certainly physically easier, it's still not what I would call restful, so perhaps a trip back to Tyler Place is a good idea.

[Kristin]

OMG what a fabulous vacation. The pics of the kids in their tie dye are adorable.

[Shannon]

Yay for Davidson Young Scholars! They are based in Reno, my hometown, and have opened up a whole campus at my alma mater, University of Nevada, Reno. Not that I didn't know Patrick was a genius already, but the caliber of those kids is off the charts. Congratulations! I really hope they can give you the support that will help keep Patrick happy and challenged at his current school. If anyone can, they can!

[cherylc]

Sounds like a fabulous vacation. Vermont is prohibitively far from Seattle, alas.

My son is a couple of months behind your twins, and I love this age, so much. I know some people don't like it, but I love it. As far as Edwards friends go, my son is in daycare and he definitely has kids he prefers and those he's not so fond of. One girl is always trying to give him hugs, and apparently she squeezes. They have a photo of her trying to hug him, while he politely tries to edge away.

I don't get a lot of your references, but I totally get Cypress Caroline. I am proud of myself.

[Leigh]

Glad you're back, you've become my favorite blogger. BTW, uv light does wonders for my excema.

[Heidi]

Caroline looks like she's doing a parade wave to her adoring fans! That's a Christmas card photo if ever I've seen one.

[Snarky Mommy]

Look at all that HAIR Caroline has. I am jealous. My 18-month-old still has a wispy mullet. Sigh.

[Kathy Napolitano]

What everyone else said plus Davidson is a great program I'm sure that Patrick will love them. ( mom and dad too!)

[Deanna]

Wow! That Tyler Place place sounds REALLY cool. Glad y'all had a great time. I've been keeping Patrick's tonsils in my morning prayers.

[mama2beans]

Crap, I had a witty comment and then read your final sentence & am too busy giggling like mad to actually remember what I wanted to say. Other then Damn. That's some good writing.