For Posterior-ity

I don't even know what Steve and Patrick were discussing down on their end of the table (dining with Caroline and Edward, acrobats in training, is a harrowing experience) but I heard Steve say, "Because I am the decider."

Then he laughed and said, "That's not really a word. The former president used it once and got some grief because it isn't really a word."

"Oh," said Patrick.

Steve looked thoughtful. "Now what was that other word he made up*?"

I shrugged and pushed Edward back into his seat while trying with my other hand to prevent Caroline from doing a back-flip.

"What WAS it? What was that word the president came up with? It... it is almost... ."

"Shitting?" Patrick offered, helpfully. Then he saw our expressions and blushed.

"What?" he said. "I just made that up. I mean, didn't I? I did!"

Trying very very hard not to laugh I said, "No that is an actual word and it is not a very nice word and it is not a word a seven year old is allowed to say and it is absolutely not a word a seven year old is allowed to say at the dinner table."

Patrick blushed even more deeply and said, "Ohhhhh right, I forgot the swear part."

He went back to eating.

"But... I am not going to say it again... but THAT word... it was made up by a president, wasn't it?"

"Probably."

+

I don't have many moments of maternal greatness but I feel pretty confident on the whole naughty language front. At some point during first grade Patrick came home fascinated by swear words. Specifically his ongoing theological debates with young Whatsit had led to his being somewhat misinformed about what constitutes profanity. For instance he had it on good authority that, and I quote, when you show someone your middle finger it means you do not love God.

I get where Whatsit's parents and/or youth group leaders were going with this, really I do, and I have no problem whatsoever with the sharing of same, but in our family the middle finger most often means that you are going 54 mph in the left hand lane; personal relationships with a Creator having nothing to do with it. Further conversation elicited that Patrick was a little murky on such things as "stupid" and "butt" and a whole host of other words that might be inappropriate in certain situations but are not necessarily completely forbidden (you may recall my own kindergarten struggles in this arena.) So one night I sat in his bed with him and I took him through the whole gamut of swear words from the innocuous to the really really Big Ones. I said them. I explained them (sort of. I am only human and "fuck you" does also mean that you are really mad at someone.) I told him that in my opinion people who swear just aren't creative enough to come up with better ways to express themselves (AHEM. do you ever marvel at the incredible hypocrisy of parenthood?) And that was the end of the fascination with Words We Do Not Say.

Where was I? Oh yes, Bush invented profanity. The World According to Patrick.       

So, about two years ago I got assigned my very first actual magazine piece. I was very excited and I realized that I was going to have to interview people for it. Actual interviews of actual people for an actual magazine article. I further realized that my shorthand is not what it was back in 1937 so I would need to record these interviews somehow and that some of them might be over the phone. In my hour of need I did what many generations of journalists have done before me... I went to Radio Shack. At the time I was exactly 24 weeks and 5 days pregnant with Caroline and Edward and a little tippy on my pins. As I crossed the parking lot I suddenly tripped. My cell phone went flying, my purse scattered and I landed, hard, on my side. I will never forget the care with which the car coming at me slowed down enough to drive around me and keep going. THANKS KIND STRANGER. I mean, yes, thank you for not running me over but really? Not so much as an Are you ok?

Anyway, I stood up, looked with dismay at the fact that the only pair of maternity jeans that fit me were torn, found my phone and my purse and went into Radio Shack to buy my recorder. Then I drove to pick up Patrick from kindergarten and sat in the parking lot while I breezily called my OB's office to say, no big deal but I fell and I am contracting... see ya. Fast forward fourteen hours and I was in a hospital bed hooked up to machines and loaded with terbutaline and half the room was getting ready to transport me to the nearest hospital with an adequate NICU and the other half of the room was trying to get the contractions to stop.

The next morning I was shaking so hard my eyes were rattling in my head and I was uncertain as to whether we would be having babies that week. I tried to get my life in order as I started bed rest and among other things I sent a message to my editor saying that I was terribly sorry but I was not going to be able to write the article after all.

[22 months later...]

Today I spent hours trying to figure out where in the hell (whoops) where in the halliburton the voice recorder had wound up. I knew it wasn't still in the car. We don't even own that car anymore. But as I tried to reconstruct the events of that day with a focus on the Radio Shack bag rather than, oh say, my guinea pig sized twinkles... I was at a loss.

I thought and thought and I looked and looked and finally I gave up. Then as I was getting a bedroom ready for my mom (whose long-planned visit is fortunately/unfortunately coinciding with Patrick's tonsillectomy) I decided to cram something into the guest room window seat rather than take it to the basement where it belongs and voila! The voice recorder! Buried under a pile of wrapping paper rolls and still in its black plastic bag. I am pretty sure that this has never before happened to me in my entire life. Usually I lose something at least until after I have gone to the trouble and expense of replacing it.

So I have a favor to ask. As of this morning I yet again have an article to write (yay!) and I could use some help with it. I was interested in exploring the creative ways in which people are building non-traditional households. There is a nod here to what my mother calls These Days, meaning a tightened economy, but I want to highlight the positive aspects of such things as multi-generational family homes or roommates who are able to help each other with co-parenting. Or even college students eschewing the dorm to live at home. Military spouses living together or with family during a deployment? I don't know. I am sure there are lots of possibilities. I have a handful (a big handful but still) of people lined up to interview but I would love to widen my approach. So if you (or someone you know well enough to shove my way; or vice versa) are currently or have recently been in a living situation that does not resemble a 1950s sit-com leave me a comment or email me. Then we can chat. Like on the phone (or in person I guess if you're local.) Just you me and my miraculously recovered voice recorder.

PS Oh, also, any realtors? Family counselors/life coaches/financial planners who are seeing this with their clients? Lemme know.     

*Misunderestimated was the word for which Steve was groping. Not shitting.

PPS The hospital called to set up Patrick's surgery time. Toward the end of the call the nurse said he would be kept overnight. My understanding was that it was outpatient and he would, barring any complications, be coming home the same day. I called the ENT's office and the nurse said they almost always send them home but she was unsure if there were different instructions left for Patrick specifically. She was going to call back but has yet to do so. I want to prepare Patrick for his procedure but I do not want to freak him the freak out unnecessarily. Under the murky circumstances would you tell him he is staying the night or he might be staying the night or just leave it with the understanding that he is coming home afterwards? He hated the hospital stay SO. MUCH.                      

Comments

[Elizabeth]

My dad (the high school teacher) would tell his students "Profanity is the crutch of the conversational cripple."

[Diane]

As the veteran of many hospital stays with my lotsofspecialneeds kid (some stays anticipated and prepped for, many not), I humbly suggest letting someone else give Patrick the bad news - like some nurse - if and when it is determined that he needs to stay over. Then you and he can share the outrage of the injustice of it all rather than you being seen/blamed as the "decider"

Just a thought.

ps - no pictures today :(

[Kristin]

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who has used that line about swearing only being done by people who aren't "creative enough to come up with better ways to express themselves" and didn't even flinch at the hypocrisy.

Given Patrick's extremely literal interpretation of thing, I would probably tell him there is a small chance he will stay over night but I would do it in a really casual, off hand manner. I would be afraid he would regard the lack of telling him as a lie of omission.

[Kat]

I am in my early 30's, single, living in NYC with 2 roomates. Never in a million years did I think I would still, well again living with roomates. Actually I could say that about being single to, but that is a whole different story. If you are intrested in talking for your article feel free to send me an email.

[vanessa]

I am nearly 24 and live with my parents. It's...interesting. I actually mostly like it. When I dreamed about my 20s as a teenager I was sure I'd have some sort of hip apartment with cool roommates and we'd sit around and drink and watch movies. But now...I have dinner with my parents and its actually pretty good. I'm in this situation because I took 4 years off between HS and college and then decided, rather than going away to school, to attend a local, cheap college...and I cannot afford to move out. But I dont know that I would, if I could.
Anyway. Feel free to email.
Re Patrick--sending many MANY good wishes that he doesnt have to stay in the hospital overnight!

[Shannon]

Oh, how I wish I were currently in a non-traditional household, just so I could talk with you! The best I can do is that my boyfriend, then fiance (now husband) lived with me and my parents while we finished college and began working (about 5 years ago). It was very interesting, and in retrospect, pretty amazing that we did that. It seemed to make sense at the time, and really, turned out pretty well. My parents now completely adore my husband and he has a good relationship with them. And we graduated with zero debt!

[ellbee]

Heh. When I had my tonsils out years ago, I reacted oddly to the anesthesia--as I was coming around, my doctor leaned over the table to look at me and I cold-cocked him right in the jaw. I was ten, and I almost knocked him to the floor. My mom swears to this day that's why I was sent home as an out patient, as opposed to spending the night. Whatever works, you know?

[Sarah]

My brother and his wife have been married for two years. In the first year they lived in a VERY tiny appartment (1 bedroom the size of the bed, living room about the same), then moved in with another couple so they could have a slightly larger space. They realized that this was a bad idea about 1 week in, but have toughed it out for the length of the lease and are hoping to move again soon.
Let me know and I'll ask him if he wants to be interviewed.

[shannon b.]

I thought of strategery. I think there are many words he made up.

[Lautie A]

We may be non-traditional in that at 44 my husband and I own our home out-right and don't live under the all-to-real threat of foreclosure.

The benefit of career first, then marriage/kids later. Today I'm feeling the exhaustion of that plan, though.

[Megan]

Don't forget "strategery"!

[Annabelle]

Ooof, the staying over thing. I would probably tell him that it is a remote possibility. Then, if it does happen, you can let someone else break the bad news, a la Diane's comment above. Unless she called back to confirm that you are right already. It'd be really strange if you were to have to stay over. Here's hoping everyone is in his or her own bed Thursday evening...

[Beth]

Best wishes to you guys as you get ready for Patrick's surgery. I second the idea of letting some neutral party be the bearer of bad news if he has to stay over.

My brother lived with me, my husband and my baby son while he (the brother) finished his last year of college. I got free babysitting and free coffee (he worked at Starbucks) plus someone to appreciate my cooking. He got a free place to stay and home cooked food, plus a cute little baby to play with.

My husband, son and I lived with my parents for 5 months during one of those house transitions after a move. It worked out really, really well because we worked hard to make it good for everyone.

[Jeannie]

I live together with my (male) partner of six years and our three year old. I'm female. We are ... wait for it ... NOT MARRIED. I don't think that in this day and age this qualifies as a non-traditional household. But feel free to email if you want!

[Becca]

When I went in for my surgeries, my doctor would often ask for more time than was required, so that it was there if I needed it but I didn't have to use it.

My first instinct would be to tell him it's a possibility, but on the other hand, I might avoid telling him it depends on how he feels, given his propensity to denying anything hurts.

I wonder if the hospital does a kind of walk through or tour for the kids, so that he could see it before he goes through it. I had my first surgery at 18, but the biggest thing that scared me about it was the unknowns.

In terms of living situations - I'm 24 and living with my parents. I went to college right after high school and dropped out after two years when my feet sort of imploded and I went through six surgeries. I needed the help I could get living at home. I'm currently enrolled in an online continuing ed. program and I'm living at home until I finish and can get a job, most likely. Feel free to email..

[Alexis M]

At 25, I have never ever moved out of my mom's house except for a year which was a neverending sleepover at my boyfriend's (now fiance's) house. When I was 14, my parents divorced and I moved with my mom about 20 minutes from our old house and my father decided to move halfway across the state. After asking my mom if he could move in with us. Seriously. Anywho, I have a pretty severe case of bipolar disorder which I was born with (which makes it more severe than teenager or adult onset, unfortunately) and I've been going to college and working off and on for about 7 years now. I've never been able to get "on my feet" and my fiance also lives with us now, too, as his dad kicked him out several years ago. So there are three of us in a double wide. The boy pays rent (as do I when I can) and yes, it's hard, especially when someone asks me what I'm up to and where I live. Well, because, fail. Feel free to email me if you want.

[Kim]

My husband, 2 kids and I lived with my parents for more than a year last year, while we tried to sell our apartment across the country. It turned out to be a very positive experience overall; there was very little tension and a whole lot of cooperation and co-parenting. I'd love to tell you about it.

[Dara]

Patrick cracks me up!! Sending him lots of positive thoughts for surgery and no stay.

PS. Hi, my name is Dara and I adore swearing. I tend to mumble...a lot. My kids always say, "what did you say, Mommy?"
Crud, sugar, and fudge.

I feel better now.

[Karen]

I have a very traditional arrangement these days--by the way, hi! lurker posting for the first time--but a few years back my husband and I had a friend who needed to stay with us for the 6 weeks between the end of his lease and his doctoral defense. He ended up sleeping on our futon (in our ~700 sq ft home) for most of 7 months. Or was it 9?

For a semi-employed music teacher and a grad student, the addition of a utilities-paying roommate made a big difference financially. It wasn't the best way to spend the 3rd year of married life, though.

[Aunt Becky]

I swear happily and I have a somewhat unconventional home. But you've probably guessed that by now.

[uberimma]

They kept Iyyar overnight, to keep an eye on his breathing. His tonsils were so enlarged, and his sleep apnea so over-the-top terrible, that they wanted to see him keep his O2 at reasonable levels overnight before they sent him home. Which, as it happened, they did. I was told that we might have to stay few days if they didn't.

So far as breaking the news, I'm with Diane. And my SIL lives in a 450-square-foot apartment (one kitchen/living/dining room, one bedroom, one room exactly the size of a full-sized bed, and one tiny bathroom with no tub) with her husband and their SIX kids. So that said kids can go to the school they want, which is in an area of insane real estate prices.

[Robyn]

My husband and I are dual-military, active duty, with two little guys, ages 2.5 and 8 months. My mother-in-law lives with us and takes care of the boys while we work during the day. It was an adjustment for everyone when she moved in a few months after my eldest was born, but 2 years later, I think we're finally all settling down and feeling pretty comfortable with one another and our roles.

I get free child care, and someone else to help with the laundry/dinner/cleaning up in general. My boys are secure, loved, safe, and thriving. My MIL doesn't have any expenses (house, phone, water, grass to mow, etc.) and the boys keep her young.

BUT.

I have to swallow the fact that my son has a distinct southern twang (not that there's anything wrong with it...except that it didn't come from ME). My husband and MIL have a bit of a disfunctional relationship and the first two years were decidedly...tense...sometimes. My home is not my own. My MIL didn't speak to me for 3 days one time because I told her that it was my kitchen and I would like to do the dishes, thank you very much (she was shooing me out one evening and I just wanted to do something, for heaven's sake!).

Could go on all day about the pros and cons, but nevertheless, it's working for us. We have to be able to pick up and deploy for both short periods and long periods, and she adds stability to the kids lives that they otherwise wouldn't have. I haven't had to do a long deployment yet...don't even like to think about it...but if the time comes, at least they will have a mother-figure around to love them - not as much as I do - but the next best thing.

Love love love your blog. :)

[katg]

I believe I'm local --
I live with my partner Jack, who is a transgendered man (FtoM), our seven year old (mine by another marriage -- she calls Jack "daddy" and her bio-dad is pretty much out of the photo). We got as married as we can on Nov 1st of last year.
I also live with my roommate, who is an exboyfriend of mine, and his girlfriend who is one of my best friends.
Add to that our three dogs, Monk Parrot, cat, and many fish and we definitely do not have what one would term a "conventional" household.

[katg]

I should add -- I swear up a storm. Z-bean and I had to have a conversation when she was about three about the difference between "kid words" and "grownup words" -- she, as a kid, can say "darn" "shoot" "fudge" "crud" "poo" and I, as an adult, can say the corresponding swear words.

We also have kid juice and grown up juice.

I didn't want to put a negative reflection on words, because they're not BAD .. they're ... mostly inappropriate.

[Amelia]

I usually lurk, but first of all i must say your children are gorgeous and I love your writing. I am 25, my Fiance is 27, and we moved in with my mother 3 months ago in order to help her dig her way out of the financial hole she'd dug and so she could (eventually) quit her second job. She is 51 and disabled, so we felt it medically necessary to help her catch up so she could cut back on her work load. Now, we are getting married in two weeks and after the wedding we will continue to live with her in order to save money to buy a house, and so my future husband can get back in school and finish his degree. Hopefully, we'll only be living here for a few more months (we're looking at December), when we will move mom into a less expensive rental and move ourselves back into our own place. If our living arrangement is something that you would like to talk with me about for your article, I'd be happy to talk with you. Just shoot me an email! Thanks!

[Becky]

Best wishes for outpatient....

My own situation is 50's sitcom, but my youngest sister (28) and her 5 y.o moved back with our parents when she lost her job this year. Then my aunt, who had been renting, lost her place when the landlords defaulted on THEIR mortgage (even though she, and the other tenants, had paid their rent) and she moved in with my parents too. So, there's my stepdad, my mom, her sister, my sister and her daughter all living there.
If it works for you.....

[terri c]

Best luck on Thursday... Everything crossed! No advice from me and I am weird but not unconventional. I live in a 900-square foot house with two Irish Wolfhounds.

[beth]

My house is across the street from my sister's. We pretty much run a single household, it just has a street running through it. We each have two kids; she has a husband. I have a fish and a cat, she has two cats. I am a SAHM for the four kids; I volunteer in all the classrooms. I usually cook, but I do it at her house.

Is that non-traditional enough?

[Jennifer]

After my surgery, I was kept overnight, but then again, that was 25 years ago...who knows?

I remember crying for my mother when she went home to pick up a few things (I was eight) so if Patrick has to spend the night I would make sure somebody was prepared to spend the night. I'm sure you'd be doing this, anyway :)

[beyond]

i was on a school playground once when a little boy got mad and yelled 'l*ck me!!!' to a girl. he of course had no idea what he just said, i suppose he heard it somewhere, but he got in soooo much trouble, poor thing.
no help for your article. my husband and i live in a teeny manhattan studio, no kids, no pets, just two plants, that miraculously live, even through our seven month absence.

[Michelle]

My male partner and I have been together for nine years in October. Our finances are completely separate, but we share a lovely two year old toddler. We are each other's legal beneficiaries - you can do that in Denver now - so there will be no legal questions about money and/or custody should something happen to one of us. We have made the deliberate choice not to get married based on our belief that it is a religious institution and the state should stay out of religious affairs. Not to mention the state shouldn't be rewarding people who find someone with whom to share their lives and punish (higher taxes) those who are "alone."

I don't know if that makes us non-traditional, but if it does you're welcome to drop me an email.

[tsc]

Don't tell him about the overnighter until you're sure! Why create anxiety before absolutely necessary? If he must worry, make for as short a time as possible, I say.

[cee]

I am 24 and last year, after five years of living on my own in the Big City, I had to move back home with my parents. It was humbling and hard and sometimes it sucks. Not just for me but for my parents too. I'm sure you have plenty of people to talk to, but thought I'd chip in.

[Sarah]

I think I am alarmed that with my 8 and 5 year old we just don't have much swear words. (I don't count the baby as a swearing concern.) Of course, I don't swear often. Rather, I never used to swear, learned how in college but have pretty easily gone back to not swearing with young ones about.

We are non-traditional over here...my parents started coming over for dinner every night after my 8 year old was born. She was a rough baby. When my husband got a job in the distant suburbs, we decided to move closer to work (i.e. the burbs/boonies). My mom and I had always joked.laughed that it would be so much easier to live together. Less driving, less planning, only 1 house/kitchen to clean. Shortly after we moved, my parents sold their house and my mom retired and they moved in. They built a large bedroom onto the house. It's been good. We laugh that we're trading child care now for future elder care.

Overall, I think we'll happy with the arrangement.It only feels odd when it comes up that my parents aren't particularly old, they are quite healthy, both alive, still married. And my husband and I are also happily married. We weren't driven by the recession or economic necessity. It is a money saver, though.

[TheGoriWife]

I have a nontraditional living arrangement. Well, nontraditional for most Americans at least. My elderly, non English speaking Pakistani mother-in-law and sometimes father-in-law live with us much of the year and soon my brother-in-law and his wife will move into our basement bedroom. (He's coming to America to pursue graduate studies, which is how I met my husband, too.) The multigenerational home - it's a Pakistani culture thing and I am generally, mostly, okay with it. There are a lot of positives, is all I'm saying, even though it's surely a big adjustment for this white American raised-in-the-south moved-out-of-my-parents-home-at-19 gal. I'd be happy to talk to you about it if you want my story.

[cooper1178]

Relatively new reader delurking here...

My sister and I had our tonsils out the same day, just 30 minutes apart. She was 14, I was 17, it was awful. My mother was a champion.
We also thought it was to be out-patient. She starting throwing up and since my mom was on her own with both of us (dad was home with our little brother) they held us both for the afternoon. Between the drugs and hating the hospital, to say I was a little disappointed would be an understatment.
Then, she was better, thought we were going home, we got a quick check over, and I was bleeding more than they liked, so they held us overnight. I was completely devastated, I was tired and just wanted to be home and had already been disappointed once that day - I bawled. And crying right after having ones tonsils removed is so terrible.

Soo... my long story short assvice? Tell him he's going to have to stay over night, cross your fingers they'll let him go that day, and take all the credit if they do - "look at me, super mom, springing you from their evil clutches."

[Deanna]

We have a loose arrangement with family living. My husband's job occasionally requires transfers and business trips that last upwards of 3 months. Last transfer coincided with the birth of my nephew so I moved in with my sister for a few months while my husband set up here. His next big business trip will be when our daughter is about one, at which point I will...gulp...move in with my parents to help me care for the baby. They are in Florida. We are in Honolulu. So we accept that family living arrangements are fluid and we roll with whatever configuration makes the most sense at the time.

This philosophy is not, however, extended to include my father in law, who keeps hinting about us buying a house with a grandparents' suite for him. Sorry, dude, but ya drive me nuts.

[Deanna]

Also, I'd be happy to talk to you about living arrangements in Hawaii in general--this whole "multi-generational living" trend inspired by economic difficulty on the mainland is an everyday way of life out here.

[Sylvia]

My wife and I have been living together for 5 years (3 of them as married women), but we have also had a series of housemates during that time. Our last two roommates have been close friends, and the decision to live with them was motivated in equal parts by social and financial factors. Since we are a lesbian couple, our living with a third person sometimes leads people to think something *even more queer* is going on. It is not.

The arrangement makes total sense to most of our friends (many of whom live in co-ops) but people like the mortgage broker are usually a little confused. "Wait, you're married? But you're both women! Wait, you want to live with someone else? But you're married!"

Anyway, we'd love to talk with you.

[TeacherMommy]

My husband and I are separated and kinda/sorta/maybe divorcing (if papers are ever filed) and are now embarking on a living situation in which the two kids stay in the house (which we own) while he and I flip-flop between the house and a one-bedroom apartment (which we will be renting). A bit different approach to the custody arrangement. Don't know if that's the kind of thing you're talking about.

[Jen]

As far as Patrick goes, I would definitely not tell him anything I didn't know for sure.

Our family is very 1950's sitcom...leave it to beaverish, but my husband plays the part of June Cleaver (minus the necessary domestic skills.)

[tonsilless friend]

When I had my tonsils out a handful of years ago (at age 19), I was kept overnight for the sole reason that my surgery was so late in the day. Supposedly they like x number of hours for recovery, and if it's after hours and there's not a full staff, they'll just park 'em over night to cover their butts. So it was me and a bunch of seven year olds, who all handled it waaaay better than I did. I'm sure Patrick will be just fine, and enjoy all the books and cold soft foods that come with the experience!

[Tracy]

I know you will ... but I have to say ... if Patrick has to stay overnight, please stay with him every second. I 'slept' in the most uncomfortable chair and held my son's hand after he had surgery (he was 5). Every now and then he would wake and squeeze my hand and shoot a crooked smile at me. He made me feel like the best mom in the world that night. The little girl next to us was alone, deaf, and didn't communicate. She whimpered all night long, even when a nurse sat with her. When her parents arrived in the morning I wanted to beat them with a pipe (and swear too!)

Best wishes to Patrick.

[bethany actually]

My friend Elaine, also a blogger, is sharing a house with her husband and two small daughters and another married couple who are good friends of theirs, partly because of economic reasons and partly for community reasons. She wrote about it on her blog when they first moved in, here:

http://www.wannabehippie.com/blog/2009/2/1/living-in-community.html

And she's written a post or two since then talking about it. If you poke around you might find them, or you could probably contact her through her site.

Good luck! And congrats on finding the recorder.

[andrea]

It's probably not really my place to mention Snickollet (snickollet.blogspot.com), since I'm not, well, her, but before she recently moved back to where her family was, she moved in with another widowed/single mother who had, I think, one child (Snickollet has young twins). She blogged about it a little.

Conventional living arrangements for me. Plus I'm not in the country you're after (Australia)!

[AJ]

I can't believe how many of us you have reading your blog... I am also a 24 year old college student still living at home with mom. Have a great arrangement where my mom travels a lot for work, and being an only child, so I have a whole house to myself rent free. Then she comes home and buys me groceries.

It's great... I don't know why kids move out till they finish school and have 401Ks anyway : )

[Natalie]

RE Patrick - What's the rush? Wait a couple of days to let the nurse get back to you. If he's going in on Friday, you can tell him Thursday morning, I say.

[Alanna]

My husband, 3-year-old son, and I live with my parents. In Dushanbe, Tajikistan. We also lived together in DC, but when my husband and I got jobs overseas, we all moved. My dad has Alzheimer's, and the three of us share caring for Dad and the toddler. We are much stronger this way, in one household. The downside is that my husband and my mom team up to mock my picky eating and fear of insects!

[erin]

Good luck to Patrick! If you confirm that he has to stay over - or that there's a good possibility, maybe let the nurse or doctor break the news. And maybe let them do it AFTER his surgery, that way he doesn't flip out before the surgery - no need to make the kid more upset.

I lived with my sister and her family for a few years so I could save money. Then lived on my own again for a couple of years (heaven!). Right now my brother is staying with me while he goes through a divorce. Not sure how long he'll be here, a lot of it depends on how long his divorce takes, as apparently the longer these things drag out the more expensive they get. So staying with me (for free) is a good way for him to save money.

Isn't this kind of what families used to do for each other all the time back in the day?

[BV]

For Patrick, I would not burden him with any information until you know for sure, or close to sure. But once you have been given the best information from the hospital and doctor, my vote would be to tell him the truth. It's respectful and what most of us would want for ourselves. It also confirms that you are someone who can be trusted, even when things are hard, which seems to me a desirable trait in a parent. Lying to save his feelings nets a short term benefit that results in Patrick perhaps feeling betrayed and lied to by you when the truth comes out, as it will.

But, again, that doesn't mean he needs all the gory details or to be dragged through the uncertainty while the medical folks sort themselves out. I think it's fair to say that the decision was out of your hands, which is true, but not make the doctors into the bad guys either.

I hope it goes well for him, poor little guy!