For Posterior-ity

I don't even know what Steve and Patrick were discussing down on their end of the table (dining with Caroline and Edward, acrobats in training, is a harrowing experience) but I heard Steve say, "Because I am the decider."

Then he laughed and said, "That's not really a word. The former president used it once and got some grief because it isn't really a word."

"Oh," said Patrick.

Steve looked thoughtful. "Now what was that other word he made up*?"

I shrugged and pushed Edward back into his seat while trying with my other hand to prevent Caroline from doing a back-flip.

"What WAS it? What was that word the president came up with? It... it is almost... ."

"Shitting?" Patrick offered, helpfully. Then he saw our expressions and blushed.

"What?" he said. "I just made that up. I mean, didn't I? I did!"

Trying very very hard not to laugh I said, "No that is an actual word and it is not a very nice word and it is not a word a seven year old is allowed to say and it is absolutely not a word a seven year old is allowed to say at the dinner table."

Patrick blushed even more deeply and said, "Ohhhhh right, I forgot the swear part."

He went back to eating.

"But... I am not going to say it again... but THAT word... it was made up by a president, wasn't it?"

"Probably."

+

I don't have many moments of maternal greatness but I feel pretty confident on the whole naughty language front. At some point during first grade Patrick came home fascinated by swear words. Specifically his ongoing theological debates with young Whatsit had led to his being somewhat misinformed about what constitutes profanity. For instance he had it on good authority that, and I quote, when you show someone your middle finger it means you do not love God.

I get where Whatsit's parents and/or youth group leaders were going with this, really I do, and I have no problem whatsoever with the sharing of same, but in our family the middle finger most often means that you are going 54 mph in the left hand lane; personal relationships with a Creator having nothing to do with it. Further conversation elicited that Patrick was a little murky on such things as "stupid" and "butt" and a whole host of other words that might be inappropriate in certain situations but are not necessarily completely forbidden (you may recall my own kindergarten struggles in this arena.) So one night I sat in his bed with him and I took him through the whole gamut of swear words from the innocuous to the really really Big Ones. I said them. I explained them (sort of. I am only human and "fuck you" does also mean that you are really mad at someone.) I told him that in my opinion people who swear just aren't creative enough to come up with better ways to express themselves (AHEM. do you ever marvel at the incredible hypocrisy of parenthood?) And that was the end of the fascination with Words We Do Not Say.

Where was I? Oh yes, Bush invented profanity. The World According to Patrick.       

So, about two years ago I got assigned my very first actual magazine piece. I was very excited and I realized that I was going to have to interview people for it. Actual interviews of actual people for an actual magazine article. I further realized that my shorthand is not what it was back in 1937 so I would need to record these interviews somehow and that some of them might be over the phone. In my hour of need I did what many generations of journalists have done before me... I went to Radio Shack. At the time I was exactly 24 weeks and 5 days pregnant with Caroline and Edward and a little tippy on my pins. As I crossed the parking lot I suddenly tripped. My cell phone went flying, my purse scattered and I landed, hard, on my side. I will never forget the care with which the car coming at me slowed down enough to drive around me and keep going. THANKS KIND STRANGER. I mean, yes, thank you for not running me over but really? Not so much as an Are you ok?

Anyway, I stood up, looked with dismay at the fact that the only pair of maternity jeans that fit me were torn, found my phone and my purse and went into Radio Shack to buy my recorder. Then I drove to pick up Patrick from kindergarten and sat in the parking lot while I breezily called my OB's office to say, no big deal but I fell and I am contracting... see ya. Fast forward fourteen hours and I was in a hospital bed hooked up to machines and loaded with terbutaline and half the room was getting ready to transport me to the nearest hospital with an adequate NICU and the other half of the room was trying to get the contractions to stop.

The next morning I was shaking so hard my eyes were rattling in my head and I was uncertain as to whether we would be having babies that week. I tried to get my life in order as I started bed rest and among other things I sent a message to my editor saying that I was terribly sorry but I was not going to be able to write the article after all.

[22 months later...]

Today I spent hours trying to figure out where in the hell (whoops) where in the halliburton the voice recorder had wound up. I knew it wasn't still in the car. We don't even own that car anymore. But as I tried to reconstruct the events of that day with a focus on the Radio Shack bag rather than, oh say, my guinea pig sized twinkles... I was at a loss.

I thought and thought and I looked and looked and finally I gave up. Then as I was getting a bedroom ready for my mom (whose long-planned visit is fortunately/unfortunately coinciding with Patrick's tonsillectomy) I decided to cram something into the guest room window seat rather than take it to the basement where it belongs and voila! The voice recorder! Buried under a pile of wrapping paper rolls and still in its black plastic bag. I am pretty sure that this has never before happened to me in my entire life. Usually I lose something at least until after I have gone to the trouble and expense of replacing it.

So I have a favor to ask. As of this morning I yet again have an article to write (yay!) and I could use some help with it. I was interested in exploring the creative ways in which people are building non-traditional households. There is a nod here to what my mother calls These Days, meaning a tightened economy, but I want to highlight the positive aspects of such things as multi-generational family homes or roommates who are able to help each other with co-parenting. Or even college students eschewing the dorm to live at home. Military spouses living together or with family during a deployment? I don't know. I am sure there are lots of possibilities. I have a handful (a big handful but still) of people lined up to interview but I would love to widen my approach. So if you (or someone you know well enough to shove my way; or vice versa) are currently or have recently been in a living situation that does not resemble a 1950s sit-com leave me a comment or email me. Then we can chat. Like on the phone (or in person I guess if you're local.) Just you me and my miraculously recovered voice recorder.

PS Oh, also, any realtors? Family counselors/life coaches/financial planners who are seeing this with their clients? Lemme know.     

*Misunderestimated was the word for which Steve was groping. Not shitting.

PPS The hospital called to set up Patrick's surgery time. Toward the end of the call the nurse said he would be kept overnight. My understanding was that it was outpatient and he would, barring any complications, be coming home the same day. I called the ENT's office and the nurse said they almost always send them home but she was unsure if there were different instructions left for Patrick specifically. She was going to call back but has yet to do so. I want to prepare Patrick for his procedure but I do not want to freak him the freak out unnecessarily. Under the murky circumstances would you tell him he is staying the night or he might be staying the night or just leave it with the understanding that he is coming home afterwards? He hated the hospital stay SO. MUCH.                      

Comments

[Emily R.]

As far as Patrick goes, I would wait until you know something definite about the hospital stay. I know you want to prepare him, but if he's not asking specifically, he's probably not too anxious about it. Bringing up the possibility of a hospital stay when you don't have all the answers will only serve to increase his anxiety level unnecessarily. If I were you I would just call the ENT's office every few hours until they can provide you with better information. Its better to be annoying but informed than forgotten and worried.

I hope everything goes well for him!

[Laura]

I think you should tell him that he will be staying overnight. Then any other outcome will lead to much happiness, but if he does stay, he'll be ready.

'Decider' is a word. Check Merriam Webster if you don't believe me.

[Laura]

And when you tell him, be as nonchalant about it as possible, as in 'you'll just stay overnight and watch cartoons, no big deal.'

[Cookie]

I would wait to tell Patrick about the staying over night until you have it confirmed. I would not, however, wait until you got to the hospital. I think this would be something he would want to prepare for. I wish him the best. It's not a fun procedure, but he'll feel so much better afterwards.

My family is not really that non-traditional. My husband and I live with our two children in a rented townhouse. However, my children are watched by my MIL, and we spend a great deal of time at their house. Also, when we buy a house in a couple years, my in-laws will be moving in us. To include my SIL who still lives at home.

[Stacey Prieur]

On the topic of profanity, my 4-year old son recently told me that if you smile while you hold up your middle finger, it doesn't mean a bad thing.

If it were my son, I would definately have to tell him before hand that he is staying the night. He gets really anxious when he doesn't know what is going on.

P.S. I started reading your blog just before you had Caroline and Edward and I always look forward to a new post. Thanks for the great reading.

[Bea]

Where I come from, living with parents during college is the norm. Wanna interview?

Bea

[Kaethe]

I'm 44, married, two kids 7 & 10, sharing a house with my mother who has a granny flat in the basement. The Spouse is a stay-at-home parent, I work full time.

They kept the youngest overnight when she had her tonsils out four years ago. It was worse for me than for her, as I recall.

[Megan]

Well, let's see - have lived with parents due to: short term moving issues, return to college (with husband and 2.6 kids in tow), enormous family emergency (details available natch but not necessarily useful for a comment). At the moment have a two-house sort of thing set up where my partner spends 1/3 of his time (well, and about 1/4 of mine too) at his parents's house (complete with renovation to accommodate the arrangement) to help care for his mother (post-polio stuff) until his dad retires. They are now planning a post-retirement move that will combine their household with her sister's. Any of that any help?

[sallyforth]

Eschew is one of my favorite words. I have a T-shirt that says, "Eschew Obfuscation." The looks I get are totally worth allowing a bunch of strangers to ogle my chest.

I wish you lived in my neighborhood. Your dinner parties sound wonderful, I love your writing and think your family is absolutely adorable.

I've actually just started a website for "blended families" (not linking - do not want to hi-jack your site) and was very excited when I first read your interview subject. Then I realized our idea of blended - or "non-traditional" - means families that include step-parents and siblings (and has since been broadened to include those with parents of different religions, multi-racial, same sex parents, etc).

I'm not sure if you want to take your article in that direction but if you do, please let me know. It might make for a good follow up article instead.

And if anyone has suggestions on how I can quickly set up a website that won't cost me an arm and a leg and will allow my step-daughter and me to post articles and merchandise cool stuff for blended families, please email me. I'm new at this and need all the help I can get.

[carol]

I am very interesting in reading the article you are researching. Please let us know when and where it is published. My sister (in a "traditional"[divorced, remarried, his kids, her kids] blended family) and I (married for 42 years) were having this discussion earlier this week. There are so many ways to make a family - All You Need is Love.

[AnnaN]

My husband is 17 years older than I; no kids together, he has two from a previous marriage and they have both lived with us on and off over the past thirteen years. Most recently was a few years ago. The oldest was an officer in the Army and he came to live with us after he got out while he was getting his MBA.

These were mostly enjoyable times. Both sons are good people with great sense of humor and fun to have around. Now that they are both working in other states we really miss those Sundays where my husband would be in the kitchen cooking, the boys would be making drinks and football was on the television.

We have also, throughout the years, opened our home for weeks and months on end to friends who were going through breakups or job losses. We always knew that whatever situation brought someone into our home would be temporary so the minor irritations of increased crowdedness really didn't explode into anything more.

I doubt we will ever have a parent move in with us. Our fathers have passed and our mothers are in circumstances right now that would mostly preclude them from staying with us. His mother lives right next door to her youngest son and my mother gave strict instructions to be put in a home when she becomes too addled to take care of herself ("If I EVER start wrapping things in plastic, I hope you will put me away...")

Future living arrangements are already planned: if my sister and I become widows, we are going to shack up together, fight over decorating decisions and giggle at the gossip that will inevitably follow two old spinster ladies who live together and call themselves sisters. :D

[Linda]

Tell him there is a possibility he could stay overnight. My son had his tonsils and adenoids out at 14. It was suppose to be an outpatient procedure but there were complications(excessive bleeding, I think) and he had to spend the night. Better to be prepared than to spring it on him.

[Susie]

I live with my fiance (husband in less than a month) and 4 other roommates. 5/6 of us are in grad school (fiance is done with school), and most of us have lived here for a year and a half - we had 2 roommates switch out over the summer. After we get married, we will continue to live here until January, at which point I will move across the country to start a post-doc. My fiance will stay until he finds a suitable job (bc his job here is good).

We live with so many people for financial reasons (splitting a cable/internet bill by 6 makes it reasonable! first time I'd had tv since I started school!) and especially for me, social reasons. I thrive when I have lots of people to talk to, but I am sort of a hermit (i.e. I'm way too busy to spend much time on social stuff) so living in such a social situation is great for me. I am actually really nervous about transitioning to living with just my fiance - and possibly alone for a stretch as well!

[beep]

hah.

my cousin started this in our family: She and her philandering husband are divorcing.

and still living together with their youngest of six kids. he's a jerk and she raised the six kids, didn't work, so she's trying to obtain skills/job, he's into real estate, in this economy this basically says he is un/underemployed.

my situation is separated under the same roof. goal is for me to find a 3 - 11 job and week end shifts (care giving) so that hubby and i don't cross paths.

oh. and we live in a mobile home. as i said:

hah.

[Audrey]

Patrick slays me, continually. "Shitting," as invented by the President.

I don't know if it's what you mean, but I live in a home with my best friend and her boyfriend and we do consider ourselves a family...no kids for me yet (still working on getting there) but having three adults in a functional household who do consider themselves more than roommates does make for an interesting family. My email address is audreysmagic@yahoo.com should you wish to chat. I'm always willing to help out with a writing project...I figure the karma will come back to me someday on that!

[Sara Neyer]

I've got a friend whose nephew is moving in with she and her wife and their two kids because he has taken a job with tons of travel. They are a non-traditional family about to add a non-tradtional living arrangement.

They are envisioning free babysitting...I am envisioning a stupified twenty-something suddenly surrounded by an all-girl household! It sounds like an 80's sit-com! How we will hide Cousin Ted's sleep-over guest from the children? Ohhh, what are these magazines with the pretty girls wearing no clothes? Ack....we need a lock for Cousin Ted's door.....

[Shanna]

Hi,
I am a 42 year old, married, mother of a 16 year old and a 20 month old. My parent's live with us in the summer months and then head to Mexico for the winter months. My mom watches the kids during the summer so I don't have to pay for daycare. This was our third summer and other then my dad being a bit cranky because "I never get to travel and that is why I retired and sold my house on 40 acres in northern WI for" (imagine a cranky old man whining like a baby) things have been working. It sucks that they are leaving in less then two weeks.

[Julie]

I was wondering why my son came home from summer camp and pointed his middle finger at me and asked if it meant that he hated God. Is it taught at bible school or something? He was upset because at 5 yrs old he often points at things using his middle finger instead of his index finger. Very common, no big deal right, they grow out of it. Normal in other countries so I am told.

As for your article, my mother bought a house with my husband and me a couple years ago. She was 70 and kept falling down. There had been an elderly woman in the news who fell in her alleyway while taking out the trash. She couldn't get up and laid there for over 24 hrs. Was bitten over 80% of her body by fireants. Yikes. So I knew that would happen to my mother. My brothers and sister agreed, but my mom would not go into a retirement community - said they smelled too much like urine! So we sold our houses and built one big one (4500 sq ft) with two master bedrooms. After a year of living together, that house was too small! It worked out that she was there when I had my second child, but really, it has been over two years since we sold that house and went back to living separately - and our relationship is still kinda shaky. Never again!

[Clover]

Well, I'm not so sure we've got a happy, all is grand, we love our living arrangement, story for you, but we are a multi-generational family living under one roof.

[Amanda]

My favorite Bush word was "Strategery." It makes me giggle even now.

I've got a non-traditional situation going, by the way. I'm 25, my boyfriend is 26, we're both in law enforcement and doing the shift work thing. I'm 26.5 weeks pregnant with our first. We just bought a house together. Wally and the Beave, this is not.

[bethf202]

Holy Cow! I don't usually read all the comments but I read a couple today and just kept reading because your readers are really interesting. Who knew you had so many 20 year olds reading your blog.

Also such interesting living arrangements - truly fascinating. The Beth who got the free Starbucks from her brother (definitely worth it)!; the most interesting to me is uberimma with the SIL living in a 450 sq ft apartment with 6 kids. And the other Beth who lives across the street from her sister and they basically do everything together. That just sounds fun!
Anyway, just had to comment on how much I enjoyed the comments.

[Elizabeth]

My husband and I were born in the early 1950's. Our current household consists of my husband and myself, our 18 year old daughter (22 year old is out on her own), and my husband's youngest sister and her 2 young daughters, 7 and 4.5, who have been with us for almost 3 years. Our house is small and very full! Hardly unique, but also not typical 1950's sitcom.

[Kelli]

FYI - in my state (Nebraska) it is illegal to flip the bird while driving because of increased cases of violent road rage. $50 fine every time. (Didn't know that til I took my stop class last week!)

My MIL lived with us for a little over a year. She went through a messy divorce and couldn't afford her own place until the divorce was final and financial settlement disbursed. It was a bummer for her because she had to sleep on our pullout hideabed in the basement next to the furnace, washer and dryer. But, she had a cheap place to live, people to support her during a difficult time and was finally in the same state as her 18 month old grandson. I lost my bathroom and had to put a bunch of stuff in storage, but she liked cooking suppers and cleaning up, so I had a lot more time to spend with my son (I work so dinner time was very hectic before and since). She also chipped in a bit for utilities, etc., which helped a lot because my husband lost his job and was out of work for a month right around the time she moved in. I mostly loved the situation and have several times wished she was back since she moved out. Needless to say, we get along great, she stayed out of marital/parental disputes, and if anything she pushed her son to be an even better husband and father.

[Carrie]

I raised my children with my parents after my divorce, which was 15 years ago. I also completed my engineering degree during that time.

The boys are now 18 and 21, I'm 39, and I hope to grow up one day. :)

I'd be happy to share our experiences, and my perspective of 'non-traditional' families with you.

[Cat804]

I'm 26, son is 1. Live with my mother and brother. I also work with my brother. My sister lives with us on school holidays.

My Mom has been my partner in raising my son. We live in a single-family house. I share a room with my son, my brother lives upstairs, and my mom is in the master bedroom. We eat meals together and watch TV together. My brother is my son's father figure.

I plan to have another child as a Choice Mom in a few years (I wasn't a single mom by choice this time, it's just how my marriage turned out) and my Mom is going to be helping me. But by then I plan it to be her living with me rather than vice-versa.

[MichelleL]

Hi, Julie:

I have a whole family compound -- me and my DH, my daughter (who is adopted and AA, we are CC), my younger sister (who has health issues), and my mother in law. I also have an older daughter who attends college here (and has lived with us but is now sharing a house near campus) and a son who lives most of his time with his father (my ex), but is around a significant amount of time. Never a dull moment . . .

I'd be glad to discuss my "non-traditional" family with you. :)

Michelle

[missie]

Reading the start of your post, I instantly thought "misunderestimated" or "strategery".

[Susan]

Don't mention staying overnight or not until you are sure.

RE article - check out the concept of "intentional community". They have conferences even, I've heard.

[lara hanlon]

It's probably not too unusual, but my little sister (just turned 21) has lived with my husband and I since...well, before we were married. Or even engaged (yes, we lived in sin! le gasp!). She attends college and wanted out of my parent's house but couldn't really afford the dorms, so....

Supposedly our agreement is that she tidies up and is in charge of dishes, but I can tell you how well that has worked: not at all. Note to self: make sure the person who agrees to clean your house in exchange fro rent ACTUALLY WILL CLEAN and is not a messy tornado herself. Also, she steals my clothes and shoes and blankets and anything else that I might leave lying around and hordes them in her room.

Good thing we're sisters!

[coffeegrl]

Let's see...my boyfriend and I moved to Seattle in 2001. We bought a house with a married couple (some friends of ours) and actually had a 5th roommate as well (another friend). After one year, the married couple moved out and by early 2003 our other roommate moved out leaving my boyfriend and I all alone. In the fall of 2003 another friend needed a place to stay. He stayed with us for several months. Boyfriend and I were alone for 2004 and 2005 (when we got married). By early 2006 we had another friend looking for a place to stay. He moved in with us for a year and a half. He left by the summer of 2007. We had our baby in the beginning of 2008 and by the fall of 2008, the three of us had temporarily relocated to Japan where we lived with my parents-in-law for 9 months. We're currently living in our own house (just the 3 of us again) but plan to spend another 6 months next year with my parents-in-law.

People are always surprised when we say that we have roommates - first because we were young professionals and then newlyweds, etc. It's rarely easy, but it's almost always been worth it in the long run. Plus it's allowed us to own our own home near a downtown urban area that we really love. It's also allowed us to give our daughter the opportunity to spend some quality time with family members.

[Toni]

I have a 'normal' living arrangement - but wish that I had an 'abnormal' one. I would love to have a mother (not my own, mind you, but someone) live with us. Or my great-aunt. Wouldn't that be neat, if the US culture changed to make it normal? Unless of course, that meant that my mother had to live with me. That would not be nice...

[Kimberly Trowbridge]

Oh my god, there are THOUSANDS of comments before me so I am sure you have plenty of what you need. However in case you don't...

I am definitely not a typical household. I am 34 years old, a lesbian and raising two small kids (my son is 3 1/2 and I have a 4 month old daughter). I had my son with an ex partner of mine and had my daughter totally on my own. My mom and stepdad are HUGE helps with my kids (mom specifically).

And due to financial woes (and the result of my bed rest from pregnancy) we currently (mom and stepdad and the kids and I) all eat dinner together at my house every night. Then my parents go home and I take over with the kids.

I am self employed as a bookkeeper and my son is in preschool 4 days a week and daughter is in daycare 3 days a week. But I am definitely not your 1950's household and I have a very big mouth and am willing to talk about anything. So if you would like to interview me, I am all for it.

Good luck with the interview. Long time reader, (possibly) first time commenter.

[Ruth]

Two more book possibilites (I was scouring the boys' room for Young'un's glasses -- LOST, even though he was wearing them when he went to bed, this happens waaaay too often for my taste. ANYway ...) for Patrick, and I apologize if they've already been mentioned.

1. Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH, and
2. From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler

Thinking many good thoughts for your boy ...

[Erika]

Well, maybe this isn't so non-traditional anymore but I'm the one w/ the steady job, and my husband was the SAH parent when C was younger. He still technically is SAH, although he has a semi-decent freelance writing business going, but still--I've always been the one w/ a) the income that has a chance of supporting us, b) the commute, and c) the benefits.

However, if you interviewed me you wouldn't be able to use my real name, for reasons I'll explain if we actually chat.

[Candy]

I cannot help you with your article, but I'm excited for you nonetheless.

As for Patrick - well - different kids require different tactics. I have two myself. One needs to be told everything, EVERYTHING, in advance of a procedure so that he can process it in his own way. Even though that process includes several days of tears and possibly nightmares. Still, springing it on him is BAAAAD.

My daughter, on the other hand, obsesses about things so badly that we can tell her nothing. She is quite capable of driving herself crazy with worry.

Only you know your boy. Sorry, not much help there, is there ;(

[Erin]

Speaking of non traditional, My husband and I have jobs in different states. Last spring we were apart for 6 weeks - during that time, my (retired) mother came to live with me and my small son, because we didn't have full time daycare for him. It worked really well - I had a babysitter to help keep my mom from exhaustion, and my mom made me dinner at night when I got home from work. . .

[Katerina]

I'm kind of thinking that a pleasant surprise is always such a great thing, especially in a situation that otherwise may not be so pleasant (post-op recovery); so I'd prepare Patrick for the overnight stay (with lots of special fussing and a special package of dear things to bring along and promises of future delights if he's brave enough to do this) and then, voila! He might not have to stay after all because things went SO EXTREMELY WELL! Isn't that GREAT?!?!?

Would work with me, for sure. But you know Patrick best.

[Katerina]

And Julia.... congratulations on the assignment! Let us know where we can read it when done, OK?

[Erin]

I have kind of a mixed up living situation.
1) I've been separated from my ex for 2.5 years, but since he's been unemployed for the last two years, I'm unable to divorce him because I'm afraid he would sue ME for child support. We do NOT live together, but we share custody.
2) My mom bought a house for their retirement, and I live there now with a room-mate, whom my daughter absolutely LOVES. I can't afford the house on my own, what with the paying-all-expenses for my kiddo (see #1, unemployed ex husband).
3) Daycare of my kiddo is shared between her dad, my mother, and an in-home daycare, so Riley thinks she lives with dad, with mom, with grandma, and with Belinda.
So the whole takes-a-village thing is definitely the way we go, both money-wise, and child-rearing-wise.

[Libby]

Much luck to Patrick. I remember staying overnight when I got my tonsils out but that was over 30 years ago now.

I have a non-traditional living arrangement - I live with my ex and our 12 year old. We split up when she was 5 and both lived in crappy apartments for several years while she went back and forth. Then 2 years ago we decided to move back in together for financial and parenting reasons. We are renting a house where we each have our own floor, basically. I have a bedroom on the main floor, he has a bedroom and bathroom in the finished basement and she has the upstairs. I don't want to live with my ex forever but right now it works out very nicely and my daughter loves not having to go back and forth anymore. The three of us have dinner together 2-3 times a week, and I love having a real house with enough room to have people over, a yard to plant flowers in, etc.

[victoria]

I am currently living in a nontraditional family: my husband's brother, jobless, has moved in with us and is living with us for the foreseeable future. I have been thinking about what it means for us to live in this nontraditional family and would be happy to talk with you -- but I can't find your email address on your web page. But if you'd like to talk to me my email is victoria_pond@yahoo.com.

[StephM]

I say wait to find out from the doctor as to what the specific instructions for Patrick are. No sense unecessarily freaking the poor guy out, right?
I would send my brother and sister-in-law your way, except the only reason they and their son reside with my in-laws is that they are lazy mooches. Best of luck on the article and if I think of someone who is not a degenerate, I shall be sure to send them your way!

[Leta]

I think I'd have to go with telling him maybe, but basing that on personality of my 5 yr old and not your Patrick. She would want to know *exactly* what was happening.

[Molly Chase]

My husband and our two kids have moved back in with my mother and stepfather. Back in March, when I was 28 weeks pregnant, I was laid off from my job in media, and my husband is a teacher, and we knew that in the D.C. area, we would not make it on just his salary. He quit his job at the end of the school year, and on his last day of work, I had a baby. Two weeks later, we moved halfway across the country and into their basement/guestroom.

It is...not terrible. We're making it work. Anyway, I'd be happy to talk to you more about it. Just send me an email.

[KatieV]

I'd do my darndest to get an answer from the doctor/hospital first. That way, I could give child a totally honest answer, and then if something changes, you can both be outraged. :)

[Cathy]

At 57 and 87 my Dad and I found ourselves widowed and living together. How many different issues were you interested in covering?

[MustangSally]

I'd just say the truth - the *plan* is for him to come home, but if something little goes wrong or the surgery gets delayed or some such, the plan may have to change. As all plans do. Because I couldn't stand the "but MOM you TOLD ME I wouldn't have to stay!!!"

Also - pretty much 50's family turned on it's ass here. Daddy stays home with kid. I bring home the bacon. He fries it up for dinner, and cleans the toilets, does the laundry and folds my undies freakishly neat in a manner I've never been able to duplicate.

[Karen]

My two boys just had their tonsils and adnoids out at the end of June. I decided I wanted them kept overnight and I don't regret it at all. They don't want to drink or eat much so them having that IV in was a blessing and I believe made their recovery a breeze. If they hadn't stayed overnight I think we would have been back for an IV.

[Monica C.]

I would not tell him; that will only heighten his anxiety. If he asks, tell him the truth, but otherwise, I would not put that on his mind.

My kids both stayed in the hospital overnight when they had their tonsils/adenoids removed, and I was thankful. That way they could be monitored for any fever/infection/complications. They were each hooked up to an IV all night, which I thought would be a nightmare (since they were each only 3 at the time of surgery), but both of my girls handled the whole IV thing (as well as getting poked and prodded and blood pressure taken throughout the night) very well!

[Amber]

my husband and I sold our 3500 sq ft house, and are renting a 1300 sq ft condo, with our 6 yr old son. We hope to relocate to a less expensive area SOON, but the job opportunities are not cooperating. In the meantime, we are thankful for affordable rent, and the employers we have right now.

and you know what? it turns out we didn't really need all that space, and I don't miss it. at. all.

If infact Patrick is spending the night or there is the possibility...I would tell him. Make sure he knows it is the Dr's decision...NOT MOMMY's. Praying for a smooth surgery, and quick recovery.