If Yes Then No

Patrick woke me up this morning to tell me that Caroline had just said "cat" with the 't' perfectly articulated at the end. Actually what he said was, "Mommy! Caroline just said "cat" like a normal person! Don't you want to wake up and hear her?"

My family has an unerring ability to make me feel like I stumbled home from the casino at 5 am having forgotten to pick up any milk or generic toilet paper - again. Patrick is especially good at it; like when he lifted Caroline up so she could peer under the pillow covering my face and said, "You remember Mommy; don't you Caroline?" Steve rushed in smelling like sunshine and pancake batter and said reproachfully, "Oh Patrick! You know Mommy is still sleeping. We haven't even finished breakfast yet." And EddyBear stumped through the door behind Steve and said, "Car? Up? Go? Yo-Yo?" which no doubt was also intended to convey disdain over the fact that I was still in bed with the best of a bright and beautiful morning already behind us.

I am not a morning person. I have never been a morning person. I thought that once the twinks stopped waking me up every night I might become a little more of a morning person than I have been for the past two years, maybe, but... no. Now I am just a slightly less puffy insomniac getting six straight hours of sleep.

I wish I could do a neat little flowchart here because I want to go in three different directions:

- Patrick drives me crazy. Quite often. But to give credit where credit is due he is without question the greatest big brother ever created (rivaling my own big brother - and that's saying something.) He could not be any prouder of or more invested in Caroline and Edward's accomplishments if he had constructed them himself out of playdoh.

Last night Caroline stood up in her chair for the twentieth time. Steve, also for the twentieth time, said, "Caroline, sit down and eat." The first nineteen times she sat back down and giggled, or at least squatted a little lower in the chair. This time, however, she put her hands on her hips and thundered*, "NO!" And pointing at Steve she repeated, "No! No! No!" Then she stood there (STOOD there) with her chin stuck out at a belligerent angle.

Steve and I were speechless, having missed the whole toddler jerkface stage the first time around.

Patrick, however, beamed.

"Wasn't that the cutest thing you have ever heard in YOUR ENTIRE LIFE?"

* well... "thundered"... Caroline sounds like a pixie on helium. Edward has a fairly deep voice for a little kid. They are two very different gerbils

-- Edward had a mini language explosion this week and has added new sounds. He is also at least trying to scrape a consonant onto the end of some words rather than letting them gargle off any old way. We can understand him a little better and we are highly amused to discover that he converses like an abecedary.

"Apple?" he says. "Boat. Book. Bear. Car. Dog. Duck. E! E! Flower. Frog**... ." And so on until you get to his new favorite word, yo-yo, an item which he has never actually seen. You would be amazed at how often yo-yo can come up in conversation when you aren't too particular about context or narrative flow. My friend Noelle was over the night and she was drawing things for Edward on a Magnadoodle, which is when we discovered that he can identify roughly half of the letters in the alphabet. Suddenly all of his late evenings with Patrick's handed down books and a nightlight make sense.

Patrick, it almost goes without saying, is thrilled by what he considers to be a right and proper interest in letters and promptly began drilling Edward on the other half of the alphabet using a book he wrote this morning for that express purpose.

I love Patrick's prissy lip compression in this picture. Very School Marm.

I tried giving Edward and Caroline a little water in an open cup today. You can see that Edward is still wet. How do kids learn that skill, again? Is there a trick to it? I am pretty sure I just gave Patrick a sippy cup until... forever.

** Ah-puh. Boh-ut. Buh. Bah. Cah-ur. Dah. Duh. E! Whuh-whuh. Fuh... and yo yo.

--- Someone left a comment on the last post saying that Caroline bears a striking resemblance to Susan Boyle. I have deleted maybe five comments in the past six years and that was one of them. Not that I don't think Susan Boyle looks very nice, I do, it was just that I suspected that the comment was not intended to be complimentary. I don't know, maybe I was wrong. I try to be appreciative of the fact that an open blog with zero comment deletion presents so many more opportunities for learning and growth and realizing that I am wrong about things but I read that one and my teeth snapped shut and the next thing I knew... zing! I had deleted the comment.

Personally, I think she is the cutest thing I have ever seen in MY ENTIRE LIFE. Just ask Patrick.

 Previous Post Round-up:

Thank you so much for the tonsil help. I really appreciate it. I especially was thankful for all of you who assured me that we are doing the right thing. I realize I did not say in so many words that I was waffling but it must have been obvious that I was biting my nails over this decision. So thank you. Also thanks for all the book and movie thoughts. I got Frank Asch's Cardboard Genius (Patrick pronounces this word with a hard G - Gee-nuous. I find this fact mildly hilarious) from the library and Patrick read the entire thing in the car. He loved it. I am also looking into Percy Jackson and Artemis Fowl and... I don't know. Lots of others. I opened the library catalog page in one window and the comments in the other.

And I loved that Sally mentioned her son was also hesitant with non-animated movies and that it helped to read the book first. I had an awwwwww connection moment (Patrick's teacher used to press both her index fingers to both her thumbs and interlock them for "connections" - Patrick still does this when he puts two previously unlinked ideas together in his mind, like putting Tupperware over Caroline's head and calling it a space helmet - connection!)   

Going even further back I randomly stuffed series suggestions from you into our Netflix queue and we have been watching some new stuff. Well, first we watched a new season of old stuff because I had not realized that the next season of Weeds was out. Oooooooh! Ooooooooh, I say.

Although

*please don't read this if you have never watched Weeds but plan to do so*

I try hard not to randomly judge other people's parenting but I have a really hard time letting go and enjoying Nancy Botwin's antics when she makes these HORRIBLE maternal decisions. Good GOD. 

It's funny and entertaining and I want to rescue her children and set appropriate boundaries for them. Does that make me all middle aged and Lovejoy? It must.

We tried the first season on Pushing Daisies and I wanted to somehow cast Zooey Deschanel as the lead. Not that she doesn't have better things to do, and not that the show was without its own charm, but it began to gnaw at me. Also, the pie maker had a lopsided sincere smirk thing that bugged me.

I know we are supposed to try The Wire. We want to try the Wire. But... is it over-the-top horribly unnerving like Oz or just kinda gritty unnerving like the first few seasons of the Sopranos? Please advise.

I have a few new recipes up at Scrambled and I think I am getting a better grasp on photographing food. The new blog has become my creative outlet. Steve said, I thought your normal blog was your creative outlet? I said, no, my normal blog is like my best friend. Steve said, that is very very sad.

Kisses.

PS They have not yet hired one of the four teachers who might be Patrick's homebase teacher next year. We got the educational equivalent of a Save the Date card from the school; like, this is the letter that would be telling you about your child's teacher for the upcoming year but it isn't and here's why. I suspect Meet the Teacher night is going to be a surprise for everyone including the teacher. I think we should go the reality show route - bring in 12 candidates to Meet the Teacher and then eliminate them one by one as they deal with such challenges as: How do you get a puking kindergartener into the Childrens Theater bathroom without abandoning the rest of your class in the lobby? How do you teach reading to 31 K-1 students when they range in ability from picture books to chapter books, two speak English as a shaky second language, five have aggressive helicopter parents (Hiiiii!) and three didn't get breakfast? I doubt the principal will take my suggestion though.

Two years ago I would have been breathing into a paper bag over not knowing who Patrick's teacher might be. See how I have mellowed like cognac?                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 

Comments

[Penny]

Aww Patrick is a wonderful big brother. I had three older brothers, I remember it well.

Caroline is beautiful and we don't need to tell you that! I can just see her spunk at the dinner table!

My husband and children call my blog friends my "imaginary friends" too. I just laugh. I know you are real!

[Tracy]

Um, Brenda, did you say what I think you said?

Susan Boyle and Caroline both have strong eyebrows and an impish look. I can see someone making that connection and not meaning to be an asshole about it. However, considering that Susan Boyle is primarily known for being TOO UNATTRACTIVE TO SING WELL (and really, she's absolutely not, just needed to be cleaned up a little bit and she's as cute as a button now), it's hard to believe someone would make that comment and not be in asshole mode.

So, has no one mentioned Six Feet Under?

[Jessica]

I think your 3 children are the cutest children ever (except for my 3 children, which are also very cute :)). The hair, the curls, the beautiful smiles. And I love how the 2 boys are blond and Caroline is so dark haired. There will always be those who try to drag you down and make you feel bad - just feel sorry for them as they must have pretty pathetic lives and be very envious.

As for Patrick and books - are the Hardy Boy's too hokey for him? The old Hardy Boys, I mean, the newer ones got a little more like teenage dramas and less just good mystery stories for younger kids. As a child I devoured the original ones and the original Nancy Drews (and Trixie Beldens) - and there are about a million of them.
Good luck to you guys!

[Misty]

Julia, you are hilarious! I love reading your blog. All of your children are beautiful and it's easy to see how much love is in your family. Thank you for sharing bits of your life with the internets.

[jlp]

For what it's worth: I couldn't watch Oz, because it was too unnerving for me, but I (eventually*) loved The Wire.

*I tried to watch Season 1 of The Wire and got bored and gave up. Later, my husband convinced me to watch Season 4, which I loved, and I subsequently went back and watched all the previous seasons.

[Alexicographer]

Um, I consider your normal blog to be like my best friend, which, intending no offense to your delightful blog, is much, much sadder, as you are free to tell Steve.

[Amanda]

Julia, seriously now. Caroline is BEAUTIFUL. (Bee. You. Tea. FULL.) And her toddler jerkface move with the "NO!" is a little bit (lotta bit) awesome -- I'm working on growing my own sassy little bun in the oven at this point, but my nephew pulled something like that one time and all I could do was go, "Wa-?" because REALLY? You REALLY just did that? And... now what? Because it IS cute and how do you correct something so independent and cute and DAMNIT, he's going to be a jerkface forever!

(He wasn't. Isn't. He's the most awesome, sensitive, cool kid in the world. Not that there was any doubt Cricket would grow up to be the same.)

Hey, how are their new chairs doing, speaking of? I like the hanging-onto-table idea way better than a big, bulky high chair. Please advise how it goes.

[Melissia]

I am not wondering if perhaps someone saw the pictures of Susan Boyle as a small child and thought that she resembled Caroline? I have attached the link, but I am sure that you will have to cut and paste. http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://images.mirror.co.uk/upl/m4/apr2009/0/6/image-5-for-exclusive-susan-boyle-s-family-album-gallery-607465439.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.mirror.co.uk/celebs/news/2009/04/23/susan-boyle-singing-aged-25-world-exclusive-video-of-britain-s-got-talent-star-singing-at-family-party-115875-21301644/&h=350&w=332&sz=23&tbnid=b0ybg2Ybn84MGM:&tbnh=120&tbnw=114&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dsusan%2Bboyle,%2Bchild&usg=__CtQ0OpLME6p4ADeSezQJE1Hvm4I=&ei=-bqSSsGxE4HysgOryJAM&sa=X&oi=image_result&resnum=4&ct=image

[tgsdmom]

That is a great post. The Patrick pearl: "You remember Mommy; don't you Caroline?" and your ingenious description: "He could not be any prouder of or more invested in Caroline and Edward's accomplishments if he had constructed them himself out of playdoh." got me really laughing out loud.

Caroline and Ms. Boyle? They both have pronounced eyebrows, I guess. So does Brook Shields... Caroline is adorable, anyway.

I too consider you a best friend. I even imagine I like some of your commenters. I find it curious and interesting rather than sad.
Other family members sympathize and care too. Both husband and 18 yo son were concerned when Patrick was hospitalized.

Good luck on Thu.

[redfox]

I have a special dislike of Artemis Fowl. Kids do like the books, but I feel they are horribly lazy and awful. The mysteries are neither sensible nor creative enough to be wackily worthwhile in their lack of hanging together, and they're chock full of "facts" that fall into the same crevasse--false, when they might just as easily have been true if the author had bothered to investigate, and not amusing or absurd enough to justify the invention.

[shriek house]

Susan Boyle does not hold the teeniest, tiniest candle to Caroline.

If it helps Patrick at all, please tell him one of your internets had her tonsils out quite young, never missed them, and was never given a hard time about it at school. He's probably read the Phantom Toll Booth ages ago? But all those logic loops etc could be a fun revisit...

[tgsdmom]

All those fantasy books... I would wait with most. Patrick is an advanced reader but he is also very young. He might enjoy Dahl's BFG or Matilda (there's also a nice movie based on the book to watch later) and also "Jim Button and Luke the Engine Driver" by Michael Ende. When you do introduce fantasy books consider also Fablehaven (haven't seen it mentioned).

A good non-animated movie for him is "The Princess Bride" mentioned several times in previous comments. In a year or two show him Stardust.

[tgsdmom]

Ah yes, "Phantom Toll Booth" is also a very nice movie. Partially animated. (As is, of course, Mary Poppins, that was mentioned before.)

[Rbelle]

"The old Hardy Boys, I mean, the newer ones got a little more like teenage dramas and less just good mystery stories for younger kids."

Ha! When I was in junior high they came out with a whole new series of books in which the Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew teamed up to solve crimes and they were seriously more soapy than you can imagine. As a 13-year old girl, I of course loved them, especially when Nancy betrayed her beloved Ned (snore) and kissed Frank Hardy while they were trapped during a snowstorm (!). Yeah, guess who ALSO had a serious crush on Frank Hardy at the time. Such is the stuff from whence fan-fic is born.

And I'm glad I'm not the only one who worries about her "friends" in the blogosphere and then has to explain to her husband that "No, I don't actually know this woman, she has no idea I exist, but I just love her blog!"

[Tracy]

Oooh, what about The Great Brain series? I loved those books as a kid.

[Natalie]

So...Edward says words in alphabetical order and he's not yet 2? Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

[Ginger]

On the cup topic, I think practice makes perfect, so just keep trying every day. And just stick with a little (like an inch) of water at a time. It's easier to clean up than juice or milk.

[Beth]

My 6-year-old son had his tonsils out last month. He was actually excited about it though! Weird, I know. The biggest thing is cold soft stuff for 1-2 weeks to heal fast and well and keep drinking even if it hurts. He did it and recovered fast. We stocked up yogurt, pudding, frozen fruit bars, cheese... We read books, played computer games, did word searches.
Best wishes!

[Lisa]

Thanks for not liking Pushing Daisies that much. My husband loved it, and every week I'd be sitting there wondering why, exactly. Something about the cutesy aesthetics made me think of My Little Pony, but with murderers.

[Karin]

Susan Boyle? Oh my god. Let me tell you, I have been known to DRAG people to my computer so that they can admire the unrivalled cuteness that is Caroline. Well, not completely unrivalled. Obviously my own daughter is the center of the cuteness universe, but she's more of a serious and dreamy cute, not all chirpy and happy like yours. I'm glad you deleted that ridiculous comment.

As for The Wire - you MUST give it a go! I hated Oz, enjoyed The Sopranos, and loved loved loved The Wire. So amazing. Plus, Stringer Bell is just...well... you'll see.

[SarcastiCarrie]

Oh, and re: the helicopter parent. You're mellow, yes...it sounds more like you've been drinking the cognac (or like they sprung the lack of teacher on you before 8am).

[Kim]

Hi Julia! Just had to pipe in with my two cents...your kids are all adorable. I have enjoyed watching Patrick grow up from the iParenting days (he is a few months younger than our Gracie)...Edward and Caroline are both precious, and I can see where you're going to be decorating Edward's part of the room in letters, just like Patrick's =) And as far as Caroline's looks, I'm thinking more Audrey Hepburnish...she's gorgeous. Good think she'll have two brothers to fend off all of her future admirers! =)

All the best,

[MsCellania]

I am actually flirting with the 'gifted' word here. God help you...
I had cousins who were eventually found to be 'tongue tied'; tongues so closely adhered to bottom palette that they could not correctly form words. I don't know why this wasn't discovered until they changed dentists when they were 7, but she clipped their tongues a bit and suddenly they could both speak perfectly.
Our school is money-strapped and a 4th second-grade teacher was iffy (making 3 classes of 29 or 30, dreadful!) but we finally got our 4th 2nd grade teacher. The DAY before school started. I went up that day and helped set up her classroom, as did alot of friends of hers from her former school. She is wonderful! The kids are happy with her, and the parents are thrilled to go back to 4 classes with 22 or 23 vs. the 30 kids to a class scenario. New teachers can be enthusiastic, eager and fresh.
I will again put in a plug for La Femme Nikita to rent on NetFlix.
Your kids are gorgeous. Susan Boyle, my ass.

[terri c]

Caroline is in fact the cutest thing on earth. My heavens. LOVE how Patrick adores her. And Edward? With the letters? And Patrick having written a book just to teach him? Too wonderful.

[carrie]

The first time I read you was when you wrote about the basement flooding. I laughed so hard, tears were pouring. From there, I was hooked. Your writing is absolutely terrific. Your children are smart, funny, and too cute for words. I love Caroline's beautiful brown curls. I hope you plan on writing for many years to come. I check on a daily basis to see if you have anything new posted.

[Laura]

I'm sorry I didn't read through all the comments to see if this series has already been mentioned, but my son loves the Pendragon series by D.J. MacHale- and there are like nine of them if he likes the first one : )
---Laura

[Becky]

I'm thinking it must be the coolest thing to realize Edward knows 1/2 his letters already! How old was Patrick when you figured out he was um, above average intelligence? I teach Jr. Kinder, and I think Edward knows more than some of them :)

[Trista]

Has Patrick seen the BBC Planet Earth series? If he's into sciency stuff, that might appeal to him more than a live-action movie.
I'm a little behind with this, and I don't know if these have already been suggested, but have you watched Bones? It's a bit gory but brilliant. Or Burn Notice (which I mostly love because it has an abrasive Sharon Gless in it). And in a totally different genre, have you seen Foyle's War? Brilliant WWII-era detective stories. And as someone who would watch almost anything written or directed by Joss Whedon, have you tried Buffy/Angel/Firefly (and Dr. Horrible's Sing-along Blog, which I think can now be found on youtube)? There's also Dollhouse, but I'm still undecided on that one...

[We hear your cry for help]

Please validate me by telling me my daughter is beautiful. Please?

[Heather]

We hear your cry for help- Julia did not ASK for validation. We GAVE it to her.

[BeenThere]

Julia,

I'm sorry, I just can't help laughing at the Susan Boyle comment as it's so absurd. One way to look at it is how pleased Susan would be to be compared with Caroline, who is a raving beauty!

I truly enjoy your writing and hearing about your children.

[Debbie in the UK]

The person who compared your beautiful pumpkin to Susan Boyle must be on crack. The twinks are extremely beautiful children. How dare they say such awful things??

[AnnaN]

Popping in to give my well wishes and good thoughts to Patrick on his upcoming surgery.

If he is apprehensive about the whole thing perhaps giving him a camera and directions for a sort of visual treasure hunt may take his mind off the procedure and give him something to preoccupy the waiting time. Poor little guy.

Oh, and congratulations on your blog being so popular that you have now attracted trolls. :D

[AnnaN]

Oh yeah, to be more specific in my previous comment regarding Patrick and a camera - it will cut down on the anxiety while in the hospital going through those interminably long pre-op procedures.

Okay. I think I'm done now.

[Kate]

Oh my gosh - that reminds me! Lovejoy (a British series with Ian McShane) is wonderful and I recommend it for viewing. Humor! Suspense! Antiques!

[Justin]

Personally I think Susan Boyle is quite cute and charming. I also think that Caroline is adorable, I'm not sure what those two things would have to do with one another.
Edward will probably be the dangerous one. It's always us quiet types.
Caroline will broadcast whatever she's about to do well in advance. Good Luck.

[Melissa]

Artemis Fowl is great. My son also read the Diaries of Cardboard Genius - there are 3 I think in the series. Loved them. I also recommend Artemis Fowl audiobook form. This guy Nathaniel Parker reads them and does all the voices and is amazing. Finally, my 7yr son sam also likes the Redwall series - mice and rodents in a medieval setting.

re: Graphic Novels - Sam also loves Calvin & Hobbes (it's funny how unfunny C&H becomes after hearing it recited to you several times..) but you might like the "bone" series.

[Amanda]

Holy trolls. Where did they come from?

[Caroline]

Wire - more like Sopranos, not so much Oz, although both are not accurate comparisons. Give it a go. It's very Dickensian and novelistic. I want to watch the whole series again.

[Julie]

1. I think Caroline is absolutely adorable.
2. You should watch The Wire. I have not seen Oz or The Sopranos. But I can tell you that The Wire was a television show that felt a lot like reading a book, and that's why I loved it. It really does a good job with characters and story.

[MustangSally]

Since I missed your last post I'm commenting here...

"I'll need a minute" - sounds so much like me trying to be brave as a kid.... and

"But everyone at school will know I am not like them! I will walk among them... BUT I WILL HAVE NOOOOO TONSILLLLLSSS!"

Just cracks me up. Maybe he should write a graphic novel/comic while recuperating where the hero is endowed with SUPERHUMAN super powers after going through tonsil surgery. Like, maybe he has the power to heal people and stuff. Would definitely need x-ray vision. Or he can make himself nano-sized small and jump into sick people's bodies through their nose/throat and fight off evil cellular pathogens.

[uberimma]

Oh, and--Edward KNOWS THE ALPHABET? Edward is... 20 months old?! My 18-mo is just starting to recognize pictures of animals and we are agog at his brilliance. My 5-yo doesn't know the whole alphabet yet!

I think you may have another Patrick on your hands. Batten down the hatches.

[Audrey]

Heh, I totally understand having a "best friend" in one's blog. It's definitely a creative outlet....

I'm with uberimma re: Edward...I suppose he has the advantage that Patrick has gone before him to teach you how to deal with uber-smart youngsters...and Caroline around to provide a reality check!

[Monica C.]

That Patrick/Edward picture is SO PRECIOUS! Please frame and save!

Also, Caroline looks like her Daddy ... who is mighty handsome!

p.s. Both my girls had their tonsils/adenoids out at age 3. Best advice ever - give pain meds *on schedule* and around the clock even if they feel better - for at least the first 4 or 5 days. You start thinking it's too much, but if you don't, the pain can creep up and be horrible. Both of my dd's got through the entire thing w/flying colors and we've never looked back.

[jen]

I wonder if Philip Pullman would be a bit too much for Patrick? Not in terms of reading ability but content? Anyway, check out His Dark Materials (a trilogy). Hmmm, a tricky one. My son starts school next week, he's 4 and it will be interesting to see what the school makes of him. I know his head teacher is blown away by his language, but how that translates into 'school stuff' I don't know. I do know that I struggle to get age appropriate books for him. Good luck ;)

[Queenjulie]

I'm totally with you on Nancy Botwin. Had to stop watching Weeds because I kept shouting at her.

Also, referring to the twins as "twinks" freaked me otu a little bit. Maybe you should Google "twink." :)

[ivfcycler]

book suggestion for patrick: the original wizard of oz, etc. books (the ones by l. frank baum) are great.

and though i guess there was violence in the wire, the chararacters, story are so much more what is memorable.

[Nina]

Welcome to the joy of Capricorn children. I have one of my own and categorical NO is what I hear most of the day. My life has devolved into having series of complicated negotiations with a 20 month old. Thankfully I have discovered that
a) he is utterly bribable
b) he can be cowed using psychological warfare

Me: Matei come here so I can put your clothes on.
Him: NO!
Me: If you let me put your clothes on without fighting me, I will give you a biscuit.
Him: *Complies and looks at me with happy expectation* Biscuit.

(On the beach)
Me: (to shivering child in the water) Matei come out and get dressed.
Him: NO NO NO!
Me: (pointing to fishing boats offshore) See those boats? They collect children who are naughty and won't get dressed.
Him: (comes out of the water, puts on his towel and sits by me) Go away boat. Matei good.

Re: cups - I started by showing him how I drink it and only filling up half the cup so there is less spillage and then putting my hand under his chin so that spilled water goes on my hand rather than his clothes. With some praise and some practise he picked it right up and now self-importantly declares *Matei drink alone* whenever I offer help.

You write beautifully, and your children are adorable both individually and collectivelly.

[babelbabe]

I personally find Caroline to be heartbreakingly adorable (I believe I have mentioned my unabashed adoration of her previously, then apologized if I was freaking you out). That commenter was clearly delusional and/or blind. So there.

Not that your other two aren't cute, too - oh, they are. But I have four boys. There you have it.

PS I don't think Susan Boyle is especially unattractive either - well, actually yes I do, but nonetheless, how dare anyone insult Caroline? Huh.

PPS I hope I am not freaking you out. Again.

[carol]

If you google susan boyle's baby pic--you will see carolines twin--unibrow and all