Hot Timbale

Guess whose fever last night registered as 105 (one zero five) and who was diagnosed this morning with tonsillitis? The HH Munro twist would be Patrick, I suppose (and we would later discover that after all that the ENT had accidentally not removed his tonsil but instead his sense of perspective or most of his good intentions) but the correct answer is: Edward. He seemed fine yesterday and then an hour after he went to sleep he woke up screaming. I went to investigate and discovered that in the space of sixty minutes he had become hot enough to fire pottery. His head was dripping wet and his ears were bright red and scorching to the touch. Prior to this I thought that Patrick was the only kid whose ears flame like the beacons of Gondor when he is fevered but apparently Edward has inherited all kinds of quirks from his brother. And this was early in the evening when his temperature was only 104. It went up and therefore downhill from that point and, like I said, 105. That sort of speaks for itself. I made a note to take him to the doctor in the morning and in the meantime I patted him with a cool cloth, blew on him like soup and gave him another dose of ibuprofen. He eventually dozed off again. You know, although my well-documented maternal neuroses come in many flavors (drowning and falling from roofs - why is that not spelled like hooves? - choking and peach) high fevers don't do much for me. Well, this is one hot baby, I thought, and went back to fanning myself as he drooled down my neck.  

So poor Edward has picked up the tonsil torch from Patrick, which is kinda awful. Wasn't I just swearing that I would never again subject myself to a childhood tonsillectomy? Not that one tonsil infection books you an automatic date with Dr. Slashy but still... it brings you that much closer than zero. So that hollow sound that was making you think this blog was haunted? Just me groaning and wringing my hands. If I was now forced to line the kids up in the order in which I think they would lose their delicate tissues Edward would no longer be second to last. I told Patrick that Edward has a throat infection. He wanted to know if Edward felt as badly as he did last week. I said, probably and asked what he (Patrick) thought I could do to make him (Edward) feel better.

Patrick said, "You really think he feels as bad as I did?"

I said, "Yes."

Patrick said, "Then you should probably shoot him."

I said that wasn't a very nice thing to say, even pretending, but HAHAHAHAHA. I know I have been faulted in the past for being more than a little fatuous where Patrick is concerned (the best parents show greater detachment) but I can't help it. I just think he is so droll.

For the record my intention was to post a picture of me and my new hair, or lack thereof, on the last post. I set up the camera on the dining table and hit the timer and grabbed Patrick to use as my prop, like a Sears baby photo with those jumbo alphabet blocks or little rocking chairs. Then I forgot.

But this was the result and, yes, I know it is hard to see the actual hair because I am wearing Patrick like a hat. However, hand to my heart, it is the only one in which Patrick is not doing something unspeakably gross with saliva. On a parting note: if your kid has not yet read Calvin and Hobbes I urge you to carefully consider placing the six year old equivalent of the Anarchist Cookbook into their small and devilish hands.

More later once Edward cools down and is able to go more than fifteen minutes without laying his perfect round head on my collar bone and shuddering. In the doctor's office waiting room he started shaking with fever, teeth chattering like the little matchgirl and I got all anxious until I realized that there are much worse places to be introduced to the febrile seizure than within the confines of a well attended pediatrics practice. Not that he had one but I was ready.

I CANNOT BELIEVE that Edward has infected tonsils. Good grief.

Comments

[Alyce]

No picture in the linkety link.

[Carrie]

Oh man. That just isn't fair. Poor Edward and poor Mama. I hope this is a one time thing for him.

[terri c]

Love the hair!!! And poor Edward. Hope he clears up SOONEST. And doesn't share with Caroline. Have you ever heard the OLD Bill Cosby stand-up routine about tonsils? Patrick might love it. It's got to be on the net somewhere.

[Lisa]

"Then you should probably shoot him."

That Patrick is hilarious! :)

I hope Edward feels better soon!

[Amanda]

Well, crap.

[Kristin]

Your hair looks great. Patrick is hysterical. And, I hope Edward feels better soon.

[Aunt Becky]

Shit, man, just. Shit.

[Portia]

Oh NO! Poor Edward, and poor you.

That being said, "Then you should probably shoot him" cracked me up. It also led me to believe that Patrick is learning all kinds of things from good ol' Calvin&Hobbes.

[Cookie]

Patrick is a riot. Poor Edward. Poor you! I am so sorry that you just had one child start to feel better and another gets sick. It can't be easy. I prescribe wine. I think your hair looks great.

[QoB]

I love that one of your book ads is now for "Viking Heat". I blame the references to fever and the beacons of Gondor.

may all the children be healthy again asap.

[Erin]

I dream of having a child with Patrick's wit. And egads re: Edward. Sending vibes of healing and comfort in your family's general direction.

[www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1493100138]

Maybe there's some sort of 3 for 1 deal on tonsillectomies? They should CERTAINLY offer a Frequent Fever discount (like frequent flyer only less Haiti/more Hades..oh I could go on but I like you so I'll stop). Look on the bright side, at least you know a good ENT!

[Parenthetical]

Poor EddyBear - hope he shakes it off soon! My little guy hasn't had tonsilitis but he had recurrent ear infections and the doctor convinced us to have the surgically inserted ear tubes put in. It was scary and heart-wrenching at the time but his quality of life is SO much better now (he hasn't been noticeably sick since). If Edward ends up needing his tonsils out hopefully it will have similar longterm upside!

[Sarah]

Holy crap, Patrick is a funny kid. You'll be in trouble when he is a teenager. :) (Just TRY not laughing!)

Hope the little guy feels better.

[kate]

Roofs are still rooves in Australia, if that makes you feel any better

[Cat]

If another to tonsilectomy is in your future, check this out:
http://www.itonsil.com/tonsillectomy_intracapsular.html

my nephew had it and recovered next day. Sounded a lit better than what Patrick went through.

[Molly]

Patrick is objectively droll. It's not fatuous to notice.

[tree town gal]

I cannot believe you are at this point with Eddybear... that's just not nice. Patrick kills me.

Hair looks great but really, you can't go too wrong with your fortunate looks. That said, I'd go shorter next time. I KNOW. But they'd get used to it. You're delicate with perfect bone structure, lovely skin, fine features and a wicked sense of humor. You can afford shorter and it'll look even more fabulous. Trust me.

[Erin]

I hope Edward is feeling better soon. In my house we are on day 7 of post tonsilectomy for my step daughter (9). I appreciate your posts on the subject and all of the comments...they've helped us out a great deal as well.

Feel better Eddie Bear!

[Tracy]

I think shoulder-length hair is the most flattering length on so many women. It's cute, and I bet it's even cuter without the PatrickHat.

Also, my daughter brought home a Scholastic book order form last week (if you haven't already been introduced to these, you will) and there was a Calvin and Hobbes book in it! Such subversion of the little buggers! It pleased me immensely.

[L]

Sorry to hear that Edward is sick. It reminds me of the time my older son had his adenoids removed and ear tubes put in. I was so done with all the doctor's visits. That lasted all 2 weeks, till I took my younger one for 1 year old check up just to find out that he had another ear infection. The doctor made it pretty clear that if he got one more within x months she would send him to ENT as well. Just what I needed to hear. Yeah, right. Fortunately he didn't get one for a long time.

[Sara]

Ugh. I'm sorry.

[Trisha]

My older son had his tonsils and adenoids removed when he was six. My younger son had his removed shortly after he turned two. Given a choice, I'd vote for doing it younger. Sure, he hurt and I had to force feed him pain meds, but at least he didn't whine and carry on like my older son did. Once Sam felt better, he was totally over the whole trauma. Seth, not so much. Fortunately I was able to skip out on the second half of his recovery by going into the hospital to give birth to Sam... :)

[Michele]

Poor Edward! But the comment from Patrick definitely had me laughing.

[Pam L]

Well THAT stinks! Funny Patrick though. Did I ever tell you about my own Cavin fan. We have a half a roll of film (from back in the day) of Paul standing in front of us for Christmas picture where we used the timer and only after we got the film back from Walgreens did we realize that he had made a Calvin face in each and every picture. When we had only a week or two in which to get the Christmas photo-card out! We vowed to always do this in front of a mirror from then on.

[Nancy]

I agree with having it done when they are younger. I had mine out when I was in my 30's and it laid me out flat for 2 weeks. My DD was 6 and I swear it took a whole month before she told me it didn't hurt anymore. My DS was 2 with them removed and he was fine in the next few days. Easier to force meds too.

[Ruth]

Aw, poor Edward. I hope he feels better soon. Also? Patrick is a riot.

[R]

Oh jeez. Has Steve had his tonsils out? I hope he's not next! I remember you saying that he's not very good sick (but then no man are, are they?)
I think you deserve a nice long weekend away after all of this...

[Chaya]

Julia, I am impressed by the way you meet scary sick-kid incidents with grace and humor. One of my kids had a fever once and I was a total baby about it. You seem remarkably calm and I am awed.

[Judy]

Ahh, linguistics. I can do that one. Hoof and roof are both from Old English and both, traditionally, would pluralize with the -fes ending (which was the ending for Old and Middle English). Tennyson and his ilk began pluralizing some words in a more romantic intuitive way, to end with -ves. A lot of folks still say "hoofs" but maybe we don't say "rooves" because Tennyson didn't them romantic enough to change.

[Sharon]

So sorry to hear about your adorable little man. And the adorable slightly bigger little man is FREAKING hilarious. (Freaking being MY 6-year-old's favorite new word. As in walking into a party full of adults, walking up to the host and saying, "Hi, Amy, its FREAKING cold in here."

[suz]

Love the picture. Cute haircut and cute "hat." Hope Edward feels better soon!

[Not My Mother]

"wearing Patrick like a hat" - HAHAHAHAHA

Oh and btw I'm in Melbourne, Australia and I have NEVER seen roofs spelled rooves. Pronounced, maybe, but not spelt.

I hope Edward feels better soon. Poor baby!

[GingerB]

Poor baby, what with the raging fever and all, and poor you, what with the sick again household.

And can I just say FISHBONE which I saw in a comment you left at Aunt Becky's . . . and OMFG now I need to go dig up some old cassette tapes!!

[Amy]

Julia:

I love your writing skills and manner. But, I do have to say that I love you even more because you remind me above all, that Shit Happens. I used to think that I was the only one that things just happen to one after the other, odd things that do not happen to other people or at least on a far less regular basis. Like Shit Happens to other "normal" people only occassionally so that when it does Happen, people are freaked out and they do not know what to do. It is, Gasp! An Emergency!

Not with me and my family, and I can tell after YEARS of reading (I mostly lurk) your blog, I can tell not with yours either. The epitome of Shit Happening in my book goes something like this: 2 babies 13 months apart, Toxic Shock Syndrome, one baby with 3 birth defects (coloboma, flat feet, muscle malformation in esophogeal area that made for one HELL of a case of GERD - I forgot the technical name, he does not have the muscle that would normally open and close there), discs herniating (mine) at will like so many shotgun blasts, mortgage company files bankruptcy and DISAPPEARS, Oh how I could wax on and on...

But, hopefully, you catch my drift. Not only do strange unbelievealbe, surreal out-of-this-world things Happen to me and mine at a rate of rat-a-tat-tat one right after the other speed that would make ones head spin if one were not used to it by now. WHO really gets TOXIC SHOCK SYNDROME? Me, that is who. After the discs, I was diagnosed with leukemia and told to get my affairs in order, next appt. oh, that was a mistake, it's MS. Then my little brothers wife is bat shit crazy, like Haladol, Clonapin crazy and we never knew until she "dropped her(mental)basket" in Walmart. My other brothers wife met a millionaire on MySpace and ran away to Canada and he had to send her money to make it home (he was not a millionaire !gasp! Really?!)

My oldest child has been tested repeatedly for H1N1 and our entire family has to wear white surgical masks when we come anywhere near the pediatricians office. The nasal swabs (that SUCK and HURT) are always negative, but she has all the symtoms, so please come back tomorrow. At this point, I am worried she is going to get H1N1 at the doctors office.

I could go on and on and on but my (my whole, rambling) point here was to tell you to hang in there (like the kitten hanging from his claws on the clothesline) and know there are "others". You do not panic at the hint of fever, because your surprise! panic button was numbed, nay, silenced long ago by the now disproven myth that, indeed, Shit Does Happen!

So, we will have hospital wings named after us, after the deductible is met, and we will be on Ripley's Believe it or Not, but we will never, ever be the Normal family on the block (sigh)....

By the way, you handle it all beautifully, much more so than I. I am the most dishelved picture of calm I am sure you can imagine.

[peeks]

What the hell is that viking book ad?

Would like to see more hair pics pls. I grew out of tonsillitis and didn't need to have them removed, maybe Edward will be similarly fortunate.

[reenie]

Wow.

Remember when you were berating yourself for not realizing earlier that Patrick was sick? Happens to all of us...even when we read blogs about children going through tonsillectomies (even when we, ourselves, have gone through them). It still takes us by surprise when we look at our child's tonsils after he (yet again) spits his food out instead of swallowing it. After all! He's putting food in his mouth now! Voluntarily!

We now have a referral to the ENT. Why oh why did I wait so long? My 3 year-old snores like a man.

I sincerely hope Edward escapes the -ectomy. And I sincerely hope Patrick remains as witty as he is now. He slays me even when I'm simultaneously sad that he felt bad enough to want to be shot.

[Pam L]

Amy-I feel for you ,yikes! but I try to remind myself sometimes NOT to make a list of all the crap that befalls me, which actually it hasn't for a while now so I shouldn't jinx it, because it just makes it worse for me. But "Dropped her (mental) basket" in Walmart? Ha! I'm thinking , if there was ever a place to drop said basket, Walmart would be the place! Can't go in there, drives ME nuts.

[Helen]

Poor Edward. So sorry that you all have to go through this again. I do like your haircut picture though. It's longer than I expected, which is nice. It's long enough to tie back into a ponytail, and for me, that is priceless. (I still can't do that.)

[Alli]

Poor, poor baby and mama. Your hair doesn't look nearly as short as you described it, but the Pat hat makes it hard to see.

[Katie]

That SUUUUUUUUUUUCKS! Maybe it's a fluke.

[Shawna]

What are the odds? Well, probably not that high if tonsils that are susceptible to infection are genetic I guess, but still. That does indeed suck and I hope Edward feels better soon.

Oh and Patrick is hilarious. I was surprised that he actually admitted that he had felt that bad though.

[Johanna]

Well, now I want to see a before photo! Was it super long? Perhaps I should just peruse the archives for a photo.

[suzi]

OH MY GOD.

#1. Poor Edward. Poor Julia.
#2. I want to join the Patrick fan club. When does the show go on the road??

and #3 "like the beacons of Gondor " OMG. I love you.

Sorry about the suckage currently going on. But you brighten my day when I see a new post.

[Snarky Mommy]

Poor everybody. That sucks. And really, what are the odds? (Apparently, 100%)

Hope Caroline is keeping him entertained. Or at least keeping herself entertained so you can play nursemaid to poor Edward.

[Candy]

In all these years, I don't know that I've ever seen a full-on face photo of you before. Now I know where Edward gets those gorgeous looks from. Speaking of him, poor baby! You've had one heck of a summer. Hey, it's almost over!

[Jessica (@It's my life...)]

I'm so sorry that little Edward is carrying on the tonsillitis toarch. But I'm oddly glad to learn that another mother out there doesn't react wildly to high fevers. Best my kids have done is 104.9, but my family seemed to think I was a horrible person for not doing more than slipping her a bit of Motrin and keeping her close in case she seized...
Uh, sorry for rambling. Hope the babe is better soon!

[sallyforth]

Dude. What the hell? Maybe it's better that I can't have kids. Not sure I could take everything you've been through lately. I'd be drinking way more than I currently do and OH BY THE WAY!!! Your Minty Limey drink from the awesomest food blog ever was a HUGE hit amongst the Yale Med School Scientists this weekend. While we're all still in shock over Annie Le (and to be honest, a smidge put out that the streets around our designated parking garage are taped off with police tape - why? because it's a crime scene? no, because of all the freakin sensationalist media vans. fuckers) ... none of us knew her personally. Anyhoo, had a little party here and even those conservative drinkers had seconds and some had thirds. We made it with gin though. Cheap gin because Tangeray is too perfumie (is that a word?) for me. So, yeah, big hit. And also - Patrick has always been my idea of Calvin come to life. Loves him. Hang in there, kid. Rooting for you.

[sallyforth]

oh snap! i just realized with all this going on you still managed to apply lipstick for the photo. You are MY HERO.

a fellow lip product fan :o)

[Alexicographer]

Oh no. I hope he recovers quickly. Patrick's comment cracked me up, but at the same time it seems a sad commentary on how bad Patrick must have been feeling, poor guy.

I love your hair, and if that is short enough to make Steve complain, well let me just say that this summer after getting my quite long hair whacked Mary-Lou-Retton short (and donating it!), I decided to do something I'd always wondered about and gave myself a haircut with my own clippers. Actually I quite liked it and so did a few other people, but not my husband and while it was great WAY short (1"), the growing-out (to Mary-Lou length), not so much. So, you know, note to self and all that, but I do love your hair though I'd still classify it as "long."