Fleming Florey Moyer and Me

In 1943 my grandmother was living in Alabama with her parents while my grandfather was engaged in Top Secret War Work (in Michigan of all places; the following year they moved to Los Alamos - ahem.) That winter my father - who was two at the time - developed pneumonia and became sicker and sicker over the course of a week. Eventually the doctor told my grandmother that he feared the child was dying and that she needed to call his daddy if he was going to make it back before the end. It was thirty-five years later as she told me this story and obviously there was a happy ending but my grandmother would still lower her voice to a whisper when she got to that part.  

"However," the doctor added, "there's a new drug available. I've never tried it and I don't hold with these things in the general run but... well... at this point it certainly can't hurt."

"So I agreed to try the new drug," my grandmother would finish the story, "and do you know what that new drug was? It was..." (dramatic pause - she was a great one for the dramatic pauses) " PENICILLIN!"

And that was my cue to cheer, which I always did.

"YAY! PENICILLIN! YAY!!!"

That was my earliest salute to antibiotics but this week was marked by a couple more:

1. Three days of azithromycin (yay! azithromycin! yay!) and a repeat check with the pediatrician and Edward's lung are now crackle-free. I think we caught his pneumonia early and I am very glad that we did. So heads up, my fellow sufferers, if you get the flu, get better and then get a cough and a fever several days after recovering get thee to a physician.

2. By Thursday night I was so desperate to clear my sinuses I actually resorted to the irrigation technique that so many of you were urging. I admit that I have a dread of snorting water up my nose that dates back to unfortunate childhood swimming pool incidents and I have steadfastly refused the whole idea of a saline nose flush on principle alone. However, needs must and after two weeks of not being able to taste or smell anything I was getting really depressed. Thus, I mixed salt and warm water and found a suitable squeeze bottle and commended my soul to the nose gods and... nothing happened. I was so congested that - apart from a very wet and salty shirt - I couldn't even tell that I had just snuffed 5 fluid ounces of saline into my head.

So I gave up on the garlic and the mentholatum and the hot compresses and the elevated pillows and the salt watery deluge and I went to the urgent care on Friday. The guy said, wow, do you have infected sinuses or what, and I said snuh, and he gave me a prescription for amoxicillin (yay! amoxicillin! yay!) and it took several days but I no longer feel like my head is muffled in a burlap sack and I am pretty sure that I was able to taste a little bit of tea essence this morning.    

+

The pediatrician's office called on day two of Edward's pneumonia to say that they had reached his name on their seasonal flu vaccine list; did we still want it? I said yes I suppose we do; so we waited until after he was done with antibiotics and then got Edward's lungs checked before both he and Caroline got vaccinated and as an extra-special bonus Edward's pneumonia and Caroline's previous RSV issues bought them an H1N1 vaccination as well. I worried that the double vaccine whammy would fell them but they were fine. The nurse said that they will need an H1N1 booster in a month so I should call for that appointment soon. Today I did but was told that they are unable to schedule it after all since they do not know if they will have any booster shots in December.

Ai yi yi.

I am not so worried about the lack of boosters for Caroline and Edward or any vaccine at all for Patrick (whose advanced age of seven did not qualify him for any flu vaccines yet) since I am 1000% positive we have already had a visit from the H1N1 fairy but now I feel guilty for bogarting the vaccines we just got. If I had realized they were running out again I might have said no. It's a tough year for parental decision making.

+

I didn't get a chance to mention this, what with the pneumonia and my mother coming to visit this weekend, but I took Edward for a speech evaluation last Monday. It was low-key and fun for him, especially since she started the evaluation by handing Edward two toy cars. Edward will pretty much tolerate anything provided he has a car in each hand. She sat there and asked him to identify different pictures and then they did a little role-playing and then she said that they like to be able to understand about 80% of what a child says by this age and when Edward spoke she was able to understand... nothing. Zippo. Na Da, as Patrick used to say before speech therapy when he wanted a strawberry.

And I said, "Yeah, well, there's that" because, really, in a clinical setting it was hard to ignore that Edward gabbles.

So the pathologist is putting her report together and will request services through our insurance company who theoretically covers these things but who might balk at the fact that he is less than two and ask that we repeat the evaluation in six months. Personally I would find that sort of.. well, silly... since I called them before the evaluation was done to ask if we are covered and to talk about this very issue (his age) and they told me to go ahead and have him checked so... we'll see. I cannot say I am looking forward to the logistics of getting Edward to twice weekly speech therapy but I *am* looking forward to his not running over to slap my face when he feels like he is not being understood by someone. Also, it might be nice to know what he is talking about without Caroline's somewhat dubious translations:

Edward, tears streaking down his face, runs toward me, jabbering incomprehensibly. Caroline - in the other room looking nonchalant and grasping one of Edward's cars - observes, "Eddybear's SO SLEEPY."

+

Without getting into it too much, Patrick is not having a great year at school. I had a meeting with the teachers a couple of weeks ago and failed to get much accomplished and - although I think it is a good school - we (meaning Steve and I; Patrick LOATHES change) are wondering if he, personally, would be more productive elsewhere. Last week I talked to the woman who runs the magnet school for kids who test as X and she is willing to make a space for him in their second grade classroom as soon as we would like it. If we would like it.

Pros: challenging work that Patrick would probably wallow in like a happy swine; small class packed with kids who probably share many of Patrick's interests; funded out the gazinga due to a grant they just received     

Cons: 30 minute drive (each. way) carpool possibilities questionable; does one just pull a kid out of his setting in the middle of the year; did I mention that Patrick is happy at his current school in a lazy kinda way and he LOATHES change?

I know I haven't given a lot of details but I would love your thoughts in general. What do you do when your child is having a not-so-good year at school and a better but less convenient option exists? Do I go back to our school and try to be more aggressive in getting his needs met? Do we go with the school that sounds - on paper at least; Patrick and I are going to visit on Wednesday - as if Faberge might have designed it just for him? If it were about my needs I would leave him where he is. I like it and I love our carpool. Of course if everything were about my needs I would be sitting in my bathtub right now eating fudge instead of sneaking in a blog post while I use the high speed internet offered by the library to try to upload files for Steve's work.  

PS I taught Patrick chess on Saturday and we have played a dozen games since then. In, like, five minutes he became one of those crazy chess obsessed people in the Park. Every time I turned around this weekend he had set up the board again and was waggling a white pawn at me. Do you recommend any computer chess games? I, uh, hate chess and I am terrible at it and... let's just say that Patrick needs a robot chess buddy before I start disappearing the pieces, you know?

PPS Edward's speech report just came in the mail and somehow he's in the 47th percentile for expressive communication. What the..? Damn it, there's no way my insurance company is going to pay for speech therapy for a kid who is deemed average. How can he be average? She says in the written section that he tends to use only vowels when communicating. Vowels! How is that average? 

PPPS Patrick hates to spend money and has thus amassed the small fortune of $211 in his piggy bank. Last weekend he decided that the $11 was untidy enough to bother him so when I took the kids on a run to Target he brought it with him. Possibly to spend. Maybe. He saw this inflatable bouncy thing marked down to $22 and pleaded with me to go halves with him, noting that he could use it to practice his trampoline and tumbling. Since we had to leave his last T&T class early due to extreme lip-splittage following an ungainly connection of knee (his) and face (also his) I was not unmoved by these entreaties. Frankly, any practice he can get would be a good thing. So we bought it and lugged it home and unpacked it and... I don't know what Patrick and I were envisioning but the box seriously mislead us as to the dimensions. We were picturing something that could hold an average sized boy and instead

Edward has a new favorite place to read.

I gave Patrick back his $11 since it didn't seem fair that he had unintentionally used his money to buy Edward a bouncy slice of paradise. 

PPPPS

Local Boy Chases Hooligans After Cycle Theft

Comments

[Ginger]

My much younger sister was a lot like Patrick. When she was in second grade my parents moved her mid year. She did great, graduated high school as #1 and is now in med school.
I was the oldest and the first born. I wasn't being challenged in school either but my parents left me in the school I was assigned until high school. Then they moved me mid year in 10th grade. It was horrible and I hated it. Yes I got a better education at high school #2, but to this day I regret the move. I had no say in it, I had to leave all my friends behind so that I could drive across town every day for school. At the new high school everyone already had their little groups of friends so I didn't really make many new friends (only people I vaguely already knew from church). Maybe that's why I have issues making friends now that I'm an adult.

So my vote would be to tour the new school and see what you think. If you want to move him do it now or next year. Don't wait until high school.

[Cris]

Since Edward isn't three yet you should be able to use Early Intervention (a state and federal program that goes by different names depending on the state you are in) for speech therapy. Which would be something to look into since they often come to the house, and you wouldn't have to drive out for ST. They still bill your insurance company, but then cover anything insurance doesn't, so it wouldn't matter if your insurance company didn't want to go along (with some qualifiers, depending on income). They may want to do their own eval.

Camden (unbalanced boy) had ST through EI for over two years (in addition to PT, OT and DT) - they were fantastic! Definitely worth investigating. Let me know if you have questions.

[KellyK]

Commenting on the speech issue...

My daughter (5 now) had some "garbled" speech issues. I could always understand everything she said, so I was shocked when others didn't quite understand her. Her preschool teachers had some serious concerns, so I took her to a private speech therapist - she didn't qualify for the state program through our school district (even though her preschool COULD NOT UNDERSTAND HER). We've worked hard for the past couple of years - now she does not STOP TALKING (bless her heart). Sounds similar to your little man Patrick.

Fast forward to my twin boyz, I was more familiar with the early intervention programs offered in our area. In CT, there is a birth to three program and a qualified OT, PT, etc will come to your home as needed. At 16 months, my boys have ZERO words, so I had them come and evaluate them and they both qualified - I'm working on scheduling now (yay! speech therapy! yay!). They work with my insurance directly which is very nice. They came filled out these long questionnaires with a range of numbers - apparently the criteria was 2 standard deviations below normal - so fun to have my boyz reduced to numbers, but they got in anyway.

I feel for you with the insurance and speech therapy - it's heart-breaking to have to fight for that kind of thing. When early intervention in these situations is so key. I would become the pushiest b*tch ever if that's what it takes for you to get your insurance to cover speech for Edward.

An aside re insurance companies - I fought for almost a year with my insurance company to cover special (read: mucho dinero) formula for one of my boys. He was having such a severe reaction to dairy/soy and the eczema was so bad that his face became infected more than once and he had to go on steriods and antibiotics to clear it up. I am proud to say that after hammering them and going up the lines of the formal appeals - I got reimbursed for ALL of it. But they were pulling Rainmaker kind of crap on me - I would send in a claim with 3 receipts and somehow only 2 of them would get entered (happened more than once) or say they never received any receipts. It was disgusting. I keep copies of everything I ever sent them, so I could easily forward/fax them again. But it was humongous timesuck - and like you, I don't have a lot of time. I also don't have a lot of money, so...

anyway - good luck from someone else in the trenches.

[Marcy]

You come from a science-y family background? I totally wouldn't have guessed that from your posts.

Whatever the unspoken issues are between Patrick and his current school, try to be sure that they couldn't readily rematerialize at a new school. If it's coursework, that's one thing, but if it's teachers or other kids, that can be a problem anywhere.

And regarding traipsing across the metro for elementary school -- Whatever happened to the days where kids went to school with other kids who lived in their neighborhood? You know, so they could play with each other after school and on weekends and such, without enlisting an adult and a car?

[Arina]

I would recommend changing schools, having done it as a middle-schooler After the first couple days, I wasn't the "new kid" anymore, and was much more comfortable there. Plus, to echo previous commenters, I would greatly have benefited from a challenging school situation - socially as well as academically. That's putting it briefly, but it's oh-so-true, and I wishmy parents had really pushed the challenging school on me, instead of letting me opt out because it was such an out-there option, in my mind.

[AnnaN]

Yay for the 'cillins!

My grandfather contracted jungle rot while stationed in the Pacific during WWII. A kindly young doc at the Naval Hosp. recommended a new treatment of bandages soaked with penicillin. He did remarkably well until they tried to transfuse him with O-pos blood when Grandpa was O-neg. But it all worked out in the end. :D

Good to hear that everyone has recovered and breathing easily. Do you have a whole-house humidifier? When the cold hits in MN, forced air will lack necessary humidity to keep your sinuses happy. If you have trouble with sinus issues in the winter months, you may want to look into getting one. Costs are usually between $375-500 which includes installation.

As for Patrick, you say he loathes change, but maybe he can go to the new school with you for a visit. Don't prep him by saying that you are thinking of changing his schools. Let him see the place first-hand, tell him you got an invitation to check it out and would like his input. He may become so excited with the possibilities that his reluctance could take a back seat.

On the other hand, have you discussed the issues with him and do you have a cause and/or solution to try before switching him? I was an advanced reader (at the age of 4) and school was so boring that I had to...ummmm....resort to pursuing my own interests. To the point of spending a good deal of second grade in the corner. /sigh

At that age I wasn't into change either, but I think I would have jumped at the chance to switch to a more challenging environment. But that didn't happen until I started at a magnet school in seventh grade which allowed the student to design their own curriculum. What a colossal waste of time. After spending the first six years in a Catholic school, the lack of structure was akin to pouring gasoline on my head and handing me a sparkler with the instructions to be careful and try not set anything on fire.

[jan]

move him fast as possible.
don't you be the model for him.

[Heidi]

Sinus issues: oh, yeah. I made a double batch of your Asianesque soup, but my taste buds are so confused that I couldn't even taste it. Two days later, I could sense ginger, but the garlic still eludes me.

Happily, the Neti and me, we are like this: || and things are gettng better and better.
For you, yay! amoxicillin! yay!

[tree town gal]

what a waste for patrick not to be fully challenged. i hope you both get great vibes at the new school and that it becomes more obvious to you that the move is the appropriate path. i am assuming you will be writing this post for the next 20 years because i want to hear how patrick will be improving this world of ours, while wearing colorfully mismatched socks.

[Joanne]

Thank you. Thank you for the laugh ... about Patrick's / Edward's toy. Attended a funeral today. Needed the belly laugh so very much.

[Ashley]

When I was a second grader (back in the dark ages), my parents transferred me to a GTC magnet school. After I acclimated to the new environment (I was/am not a fan of change either!), I LOVED IT and would not have traded it for the world! Blessings discerning what is right for Patrick and your family!

[Kara]

I too am headed to the doctor to score some antibiotics. My sinuses are so infected that my teeth hurt.
Glad to hear you are all feeling (mostly) better and enjoyed your post as always.

I don't want to be one of the commenters to have to say it, but you probably should send Patrick to the more difficult (for him and for you!) school. But then again, I only have one kid and he's only 18 months old...so judge my comment accordingly. :)

[Kathleen]

As I've mentioned before, I have a Patrick myself. To get his needs met, we've done it all, including commuting a half hour each way. It really does just become part of the routine.

My first step would be to visit the school and then visit it with Patrick (although I would not give him the deciding vote.)

In my experience, things like this tend to get worse and rarely get better, so the older my son got the faster I would change things.

Your milage may vary. Best of luck.

[terri c]

LOVE the photos. Menace Girl is BACK! Also love Caroline's translations. Awesome.

[Kathleen]

As for speech; she understood nothing Edward said but he's in the 47% percentile? I would call and ask about that one.

[H]

sleepy eddybear... Caroline cracks me up

I have no advice about the school thing - have a good visit, and I hope you feel good about whichever decision you make.

[kris (lower case)]

i would switch him so fast he would not even realize it. being in a boring non-challenging school for the rest of the year. no, i don't think so! it is a long rest of the year...i drive my son 20+ minutes to school now and if a better school was another 10 minutes away i would drive him there. i spent my life bored in school and it got me a big no where... what they learn now effects everything they learn later. he is way too smart to le bored for the rest of the year.

[Katrina]

RE: changing schools.

I told my parents the second week of 8th grade that my 6th grade ex-boyfriend was in every single class with me and if they didn't start home schooling me instantly I would DIE, absolutely DIE. (Teenage drama!) They plopped me in a religious school instead. Yes, it screwed me up in the long run, but I was miserable at public school and slightly less miserable at the private (QUAKER, if you can believe it) school. At least there was no Jonathan.

As long as his new school doesn't sit him in a dimly lit room full of K-12 graders with a nine foot wooden cross and beat into him that Jesus DIED, absolutely DIED, for your sins... I think it'll be fine.

[Sarah]

I'm glad to hear the antibiotics have been successful all around.

However, I want to point out that the sniffing kind of nasal irrigation is not anywhere near as effective as using a neti pot. The tiny watering-can looking thing that you use to pour the saline into one nostril so it flows out the other while you hold your head at a creative angle over the bathroom sink.

Done once or twice daily, it will prevent sinus infections, colds, and general misery.

[Helen]

Sorry - no advice about genius boy Patrick bored at his school. My one and only kid is only 2. But I LOVE the picture of Edward in the "pool." He looks like such a big boy in that little thing. So happy. And I also notice Caroline's hair at the edge of the picture... as if she's ready to jump, or rather pounce right in.

[Alexicographer]

Er. My grandmother's oldest son caught pneumonia in pre-war Europe (you know, THE war, the second one); suffice it to say penicillin wasn't available yet and so I never knew my oldest uncle, but I do remember as a child my grandmother crying and my mother telling me she was sad "about a little boy who died." So, yes. YAY! PENICILLIN! YAY!!!

If this comment comes across as flip, or bitter, it's not intended to. Thank you for being among those who remind us of the good modern medicine can do.

[Sarah]

Also, I was freaking BORED OUT OF MY SKULL in school. Only the fact that I could pull the OED, the Britannica, and basically the entire Western Canon off the shelves at home, kept me engaged with books and learning. (yes this was before the Internet.)

Unless you are doing a comparison and contrast of The Wind and the Willows with the Greek myth Ulysses as bedtime stories, put him in the gifted school.

However, despite the home enrichment, no one made it clear to me that I was severely limiting my life options by not doing any school work in high school. I had such a low opinion of my school and teachers, I only deigned to turn in what amused me. Needless to say, I ended up in a lame state college with an eh degree.

[Ashlee]

I didn't finish reading the comments, but wanted to throw my name into the hat of overly bright child/super lazy adult. School was sooo easy for my. I barely cracked a book, developed NO study skills, literally slept through a Senior computer class and got a 100% in that class (would finish an assignment in 10 minutes, sleep the next 50). It's affected me as an adult for sure, because I'm so lazy. I puttered around in college and changed my major 3 times because once things started to challenge me, I would stop going to class. I'm now 15 hours from graduating, but dropped out 2 years ago. I keep telling myself I'm going to go back, but can't muster the enthusiasm to do it.

Anyway, I think being challenged as a kid would have benefitted me. I think it's important. However, I don't think waiting six months for Patrick to make the change over the summer would ruin him for life.

[SarahB]

I mentioned this blog to my husband last night, and it brought up memories of having few friends until I got to high school and was in honors classes all the time. That's another issue for Patrick: being with other kids where he can be himself, and it's not wholly abnormal. Those years I coasted brought a lot of social pain.

When I mentioned having been a gifted kid to a therapist (when I went to therapy at age 26), she said, "Well, that explains a lot!"

[amy]

Hi -- I don't usually comment, and I try not to offer unsolicited advice, but wanted to mention that in our state (CO), every county has an Early Intervention Program that provides free therapy to kids under 3 years old that qualify. My daughter got PT, OT and speech therapy through the county until her 3rd birthday, and the therapists came to our house. I'm assuming every state has a similar program, and this could solve the problem of whether your insurance will cover speech therapy.

By the way, I truly enjoy your blog!

[Lisa C.]

Well I'll be the voice of dissent and say that I don't think gifted ed matters all that much at the elementary level (especially the really early grades) and certainly not enough for a 2 hour commute to school.

In fact, I think it's important for gifted children to get used to challenging themselves in less challenging environments, since they will likely be in less challenging environments for most of their lives.

I think I'd focus more on enrichment at home and look into more focused gifted ed at the middle/high school level.

My son has some reading delays that are really not being addressed in his first grade public school classroom, so I'm having to do a lot of catch up work at home. Even in that situation, if the perfect school existed 30+ minutes away, there is no way we could handle a 2 hour commute in our day.

YMMV, of course.

[wavybrains]

I vote for the Magnet school. I grew up in a very small town with none of those options, and while the transition would have sucked, I spent large amounts of time pining for a better school. You can always go back to the old school if things don't work out after this year, but you might not always be able to move to the better school.

As for chess, my husband is a chess freak and pretty much lives at chess dot com where you can have as many games going as your little geeky heart desires. There are some good handheld games on amazon as well.

[Channa]

I wouldn't switch a kid's school in the middle of the year unless there was some kind of urgent problem, e.g. bad bullying. Or maybe, MAYBE if there was no urgent problem but he was really really eager to switch.

[nicole]

i haven't read all the comments, but as a former smartypants (who never learned how to study or work at much of anything--oh lordy, my school sucked so much), i say do what you need to do to keep the kid challenged and engaged. first, check with the current school to see what they can do to accomodate his needs. i think it's worth waiting out the year there IF they are willing to try for you. if the school doesn't step up, it's time to move on.

i am happy with my own little smarty's kindergarten teacher, who sends home a bag of extra books for him each week, and understands that he's going to approach things differently than his classmates. i do wish the work was a little more challenging for him, but hey, it's kindergarten. i'll worry about it more next year, this year i'm busy worrying about his social skills (or lack thereof).

[Jennifer]

Chess...

I highly recommend "Learning Chess, with Fritz and Chester" - not cheap, but a great introduction to chess, and the tactics for each of the pieces. I've occasionally played it myself after the boys have gone to bed just to keep one step ahead.

On school, if I were you, I'd want a fair bit of detail about the new school before switching. I've seen quite a few people make "grass is greener" mistakes with schools, and that can end up in quite a lot of moves.

Most schools will promise a lot, if your child is someone they want, but the reality can disappoint. I'd be trying to get a bit of evidence (current parents to talk to, examples of actual children's experiences) to see what would be better before making such a big move.

As others have said, I'd also be looking to see what your current school might be able to do differently. For both my sons, year 1 at their school has been a pretty nothing year, but for the older one, year 2 was fantastic, and I'm not sure if they would have got that elsewhere.

Mind you, I'm in Australia, and I don't really know what magnet schools are (and if they're what I think they are, we don't get them till year 5) so our choices are more about which local schools are likely to make the effort to deal with an individual outside the norm.

[bethany actually]

I was one of those freakishly smart kids like Patrick, only not as vocal about it. I preferred it if people didn't realize how smart I was and just left me alone to read my encyclopedias, thank you very much.

I spent my first four years of elementary at the local large public school with mixed results. My kindergarten teacher didn't have a clue; my first grade teacher was WONDERFUL, and she instituted the practice of me going to the next-grade-up classroom for reading and math (which continued the whole time I was at that school); even though I was reading and figuring 4-5 years ahead of my peers, going one grade higher provided something of a challenge and was like a special privilege. My second grade teacher was also clueless. My third-grade teacher was a sharp old broad who'd taught hundreds of kids and knew exactly how to challenge me.

Then I switched to a small parochial school where I was, in the 4th grade, probably the smartest kid in the K-8 school when it came to book learning. I was allowed to work at my own pace in math and reading (they supplied textbooks as I needed them) and I loved that. I was allowed to act as an informal tutor for my classmates, which I also loved. I was not, as you might imagine, universally loved and admired for these things. I was often mocked and singled out for abuse. Overall that school was a good experience for me though, certainly better than the public school would have been if I'd stayed there. I could have more easily become lost in the crowds at the large public school. I was a shy kid. (I'm not a shy adult, though.)

Now that I've pointlessly told you about my own childhood education experiences, I think sending Patrick to the magnet school would probably be great for him. The 60 minutes of commuting every day probably wouldn't be a picnic for him, but I bet he'd love being around a bunch of kids like himself. I know I would have loved that when I was his age, because most kids didn't get me at all, and I knew it, and I hated how different I was. It wasn't till I was much older that I became glad of my unique mind.

[thalia]

I was 7, I was miserable to the extent of causing havoc in the classroom and refusing school. My parents got me tested, realised i was smart and bored, and moved me the following term. I became immediately much happier, made new friends etc. So based on limited info, my vote is move him.

[jetlagged]

Just using my own family as an example I could come up with arguments either way re schooling for a very bright child. I’m one of three and two of us were very advanced academically as children, my brother ridiculously so (he famously added up a restaurant bill aged two and told my parents how much change to expect). We were sent to the same local state schools in the UK, fairly unexceptional and non selective. Neither of us were challenged throughout most of our schooling. In fact, both of us spent years in primary school working in corners of school rooms on maths problems that were well ahead of our ages. But thanks to our wonderful parents we had a creative, stimulating and academic home with all the support we needed and a distinct lack of pressure.

I’d say that I turned out OK (Cambridge degree, PhD, blah blah) but for my brother it was a very different story. He followed the classic pattern described by other commenters in that he never learned to work hard. He coasted through school and eventually managed to get a degree, but since then he’s not been able to hold down a job and now, in his late thirties, he lives in a rented room and survives on benefits. It’s utterly tragic, and it’s almost too painful for me to remember him as a boy. So I guess what I’m trying to say is that it depends on the individual. I suspect that the answer will become evident to you, even if it’s not completely clear now.

If you really think he’d do best in the magnet school I would suggest you go for it and try and find a solution to the logistical problems. Like others said, you may be able to find a bus; or you may find that it is still possible to car pool with someone you haven’t yet met. Or, more radically, would you consider moving house? We’ve recently moved cities (and continents) and our philosophy was ‘find the school first, then the house’ (As an aside, history is not repeating itself in my family in that none of my children appear to be freakishly bright, which in many ways is rather a relief).

[Beth]

Comment re: Patrick

My daughter, now in 6th grade, changed schools in 5th for a program similar to what you're describing. It was a WONDERFUL decision for her -- her needs being met, fabulous teachers, more like-minded friends. Literally, it changed the person she's becoming -- it made her so much more confident. We did not do a middle of the year change, but as the program started in 4th grade, she was kind of the "new girl" and did great.

However, that said, this school was 5 minutes away, so that's a factor.

Wish there were perfectly easy answers! Good luck! Can you change him next year if you decide not to do it this year?

[Leslie]

We've been doing the half hour drive for school thing for 9 years now. Started after my oldest was in 6th grade and coming home in tears every day because she was so incredibly bored. Our local elementary school was terrific but middle school was where we hit the wall. For us middle school was the key point where shifting became clearly essential. The years when first one and then two but not all three kids were at the private school half an hour away were logistically challenging. Actually even now with two there and the oldest away at college it's still a logistical nightmare at times but much easier than the challenge you'll face with the two little ones unless you move them as well when they start school.

It may well be worth it though. Would I do it again? In a heartbeat - it's been a terrific education although not without flaws since the private school is just that and therefore both very pricey and with a lot of very spoiled rich kids mixed in with those of us stretching like mad to be there. There are other issues aside from education that come up in that setting but generally it's been well worth while. I'm grateful to have not needed to do it for the elementary years in terms of kids' social lives - it's nice to have your friends be local and not half an hour in the other direction past school. You don't mention what grades the alternative goes through but it's worth thinking ahead a bit about what comes when Patrick gets to middle school age too - same school? Local option or something else yet?

[drspouse.blogspot.com]

Echoing what Sandra says, communication can be a lot of things and speech is only part of it - but that's what he's having a problem with.

I very much doubt it is a "twin language" as they tend to be when the kids are older. Also he is clearly TRYING to speak but not being understood - so not that he can't be bothered. Sounds like a fairly specific problem with articulation.

[Pam L]

Yes, do visit and really pay attention to what the students are doing. My son's gifted middle school gave them a lot more homework and everything had a project attached to it, even math! The math teacher was so bad parents were hiring tutors . He told the students to work out of the book on their own and would only teach a lesson if enough students were having trouble. Otherwise they had to raise their hands and wait for him to come around and help. At the end of each section they had to make something for a project. Dumbest thing I ever saw. A math book talking about volumes with no formulas! It would say "Imagine a cone with a ball in it..." We had to work with him at home and give him the formulas from other textbooks. They finally got rid of him. One year, over Spring break he had projects in each of his 4 core classes and got no break.Couldn't they have checked with each other on that? At the beginning of the next, and final year, they apologized for that and said it would not happen again. In comparison my second son took pre-AP math and science classes in the regular middle school, but not English as he is a slow processor even though he always scored high on comprehension and read well above grade level. He now takes advanced math and AP science and likes the challenge.

[Becky]

With Patrick, I would visit. If he's excited about it, move him. If he's meh about it, keep him where he is UNLESS you're seeing major behavioral/emotional problems and then I would move him right away and the school will probably be able to field the adjustment issues. But, IMHO, Patrick is smart enough that even if you pulled him entirely and had him make jello sculptures for the rest of the year, he would still be Just Fine.

With Edward, the under 2 speech thing, especially in boys, is a real humdinger. There is such a wide range of normal that to really wind up in the low percentiles, he would need to have basically nothing in the way of language. However, you might ask the speech therapist that did the eval if there is a possibility that he could be picked up by early intervention instead of clinical therapy. EI would a- probably come to your house and b- probably side step many of your insurance issues since it's run by the state and generally uses public funds. But, I'm not sure if he would qualify. It's worth checking into, though, especially if it looks like he'll need services for a while simply because it's likely to be so much simpler to co-ordinate.

[AnnaN]

I cut off the last bit of my post and didn't notice it until now. Hrrm.

Well, I basically ended it with the idea that even though you should get Patrick's input on the situation, I wouldn't let him make the decision to switch/stay as, even though he is incredibly intelligent, he doesn't have the emotional capability or experience at this age to fully understand the impact this choice will make.

If you move him (whether now or next school year) and he is truly miserable after a year then switch him back. There are always options at this stage in life and he won't be irreparably scarred by the experience. :D

And as my ex-boss (a psychiatrist) used to say, change is good for children, it innoculates them against the fear of change and helps them become more adaptable and at ease with regard to the vagaries of adult life.

[Amanda]

Hi
I'm in England so our system is different, but have they checked Edward's hearing? Apologies if they have. Haven't had time to read the lovely comments above so apologies if I'm repeating others.
Only reason I ask is my eldest (at 1, 2 & 3 had seriously disordered speech, now at 5.5 is very articulate and you'd never know had a problem) only used vowels and it turned out that he had glue ear and so couldn't hear the finer front mouth sounds (d, b, p,t etc) - apparently vowel sounds are common with children with hearing impairments as vowels buzz and give you feedback in your mouth/throat, whereas sounds at the front of your mouth don't. If you can't hear them it's hard to reproduce them. Grommets & ultimately adenoid removal helped.

No idea if that helps or is just something you want to ignore, but thought I'd put it out there for you.

I echo the first commenter who said seeing your site in her RSS reader makes her smile - I have the same reaction. I love reading your posts, and love seeing the pictures of your children.

[elise]

I'm far too lazy to read all the comments prior to my own so if I'm repeating, so be it. "They" say teaching kids sign language not only let's them communicate and be understood but the act of being understood usually leads them to try harder with verbal communication. Signing Times seems to be the DVD of choice for teaching little ones to sign. And I'll just pimp out therapeutic horseback riding since I'm a NARHA instructor, BUT, activities such as horseback riding (and others) that promote breathing many times help with verbal expressive language. With our little ones in riding class they learn to tell the horse "walk on" "whoa" etc. Some kids go from nothing to full on sentences, something clicks I guess.

[sheilah]

Wow, Evan could be Patrick's twin. He also would have loved to stay in 1st grade, but we moved him to a farther-away private school who would advance him to 2nd grade and put him in gifted classes. We yanked him out and moved him immediately. Just like a bandage, yank and move on. He also lurves him some chess and I, also, am really crappy at it, hate it and find myself being chased around the house by a height-challenged boy brandishing a chess piece.

As for Edward's speech delay...doesn't the state offer services? For free? I don't think Evan was much (if any) older than Edward when we got him into state-sponsored services...and he only had a very slight delay (basically he was lazy and didn't want to move his mouth...huh??).

[carosgram]

For those people who consulted their child about changes in school I only have this to say - if children were able to make decisions about their future, they wouldn't need parents. They are too young and immature to understand the implications of many of the decisions we make as parents. My granddaughter began public school in 1st grade and stopped writing stories. Her mother then moved her to a new school where she has thrived and began writing again. She didn't want to move but it was the right thing for her. Move Patrick now.

[Jenn]

Dealing with the same questions here as well. Sam is actually having the best year yet. He's made some great friends, is behaving well and is learning how to be a good sport in sports:) But he isn't actually learning anything. That's not true, he is learning about new topics, but I know he isn't challenged. So we struggle. There's a awesome program for kids like Sam but it is a 30 minute drive each way as well. There's the most amazing program in the province 10 minutes from my house -- for 15 K a year. So we've waffled endlessly and decided to leave him where he is until fourth grade and revisit. He also hates change and he is happy. How's that for decisive. I still kind of feel we've made the lazy decision.

[PlantingOaks]

If the school will serve him better, go there.

I was a bright young child who hated change and did 'ok' with school as it was.

In hindsight, change probably would have been good for me. It would have built character or something like that.

Also, one of the personality traits I like least about myself now is how timid, lazy and generally complacent I am. Correlation? Maybe.

[elsimom]

So - I was a gifted child. (Not Patrick gifted, but gifted nonetheless.) I would move him. The benefits I got when I reached junior high, and attended a public school that had a program for other gifted kids were innumerable. The time I spent in high school with other gifted kids - also great. I even went to a conference in college for students in honors programs (i.e. gifted programs for grown ups) - 'twas awesome. There was actually a session on what people thought about their earlier learning experiences - pull out programs, magnet schools, etc. Result: pull-out programs did cause some social difficulties - but full magnet programs, or classes composed entirely of gifted/honors students were highly positive and valued by the students there.

Of course, if he visits and doesn't like it, you've got more thinking to do - but if he likes it - JUMP!

I too loathe change. Everyone who knows me would tell you how much I hate it. BUT - I predict that after a few bumps in the road, the change will be worth it.
As for the commute - bummer - but maybe that becomes some "together" time for the two of you? We have some of our best conversations as we drive places with one kid or another . . .
Good luck.

[Linda]

Do you have speech testing through the school district? My grandson,at 3, was tested and gets speech therapy at the public school where my daughter works. They should have something for the little ones because the younger they are the easier it is for them.
I vote for the other school if you & Patrick like it. My sister kept her son out an extra year because his bithday was in Nov. He was bored in school and never really did well until later when he went to college and got a degree in civil engineering.

[Pam]

Thanks once again for the great post. I would say to go for the new school. Patrick is gifted, and to put him in a regular school may not bring out everything he has to offer. Good luck, I know it's a very hard decision.

[Melissa]

Sorry if this is a duplicate - but Learn to Play Chess with Fritz and Chesster is wonderful.
I think Amazon has the best price. Here is the publisher's website - http://www.chessbase.com/shop/product.asp?pid=165

Best wishes on the school decision.

[Lisa]

Former teacher, education consultant here. MOVE HIM NOW. His schooling is the utmost importance and the typical school does not do justice to gifted students. Heck, after NCLB I'm not sure schools even recognize gifted students as they're a subgroup that always makes AYP.
Without good elementary preparation, STEM classes (which he'll take, and love, and end up as a rocket scientist or some such) will prove difficult. Get him the best schooling you can, now.
Sorry to be so didactic, but I know of what I speak.